Horror Film Review: Terror at London Bridge (dir by E.W. Swackhamer)


On a foggy London night in 1888, the shadowy killer known as Jack the Ripper is pursued by a combination of police and citizens.  Cornered and facing certain execution if captured, Jack jumps off of London Bridge and disappears into the murky waters of the Thames.

Jump forward to the late 80s.  London Bridge has been transported, brick-by-brick, to a town in Arizona and it now serves as a somewhat tacky tourist attraction.  Unfortunately, it turns out that Jack the Ripper’s spirt is inside in the bricks and transporting the bridge has also transported Jack.  Considering that Jack died in the Thames, I’m not really sure why his spirit will still be trapped in the bricks of the bridge.  It seems like his spirit should still be in the river but whatever.  Let’s just go with it.  One tourist accidentally cuts her finger while walking across the bridge.  Her blood hits the wrong brick and suddenly, Jack the Ripper is alive and killing in Arizona!  Can the murders be stopped before they interfere with the tourist season!?

Only Detective Don Gregory (David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff) thinks that Jack the Ripper has returned to life.  His captain (Clu Gulager) doesn’t believe him.  The sleazy city councilamn (Lane Smith) doesn’t believe him.  His potential girlfriend, Angie (Stepfanie Kramer), has doubts about Don’s theory.  His own partner (Randolph Mantooth) doesn’t buy it.  Even Angie’s best friend, a librarian named Lynn (Adrienne Barbeau), doesn’t think that there’s any connection between Jack the Ripper and the handsome Englishman (Paul Rossilli) who has recently been stopping by the library and flirting with her.

And really, why would anyone believe Don?  His theory makes no sense, even if it does turn out to be true.  Indeed, Don is remarkably quick to accept the idea of Jack the Ripper traveling through time.  Of course, what also doesn’t make sense is the city council’s refusal to shut down the bridge until the killer’s been caught.  It’s the tourist season but seriously, it seems like a serial killer — whether he’s Jack the Ripper or not — would be bad for business!

This 1985 movie was made for television.  The premise is intriguing but the execution is a real let-down.  It’s a 90 minute film and the Hoff doesn’t really seem to get serious about trying to hunt down Jack the Ripper until 60 minutes in.  This is the odd Jack the Ripper film in which the Ripper is often treated as an afterthought.  Instead, the majority of the film is taken up with Don flirting with Angie and trying to come to terms with an accidental shooting that occurred when Don was a cop in Chicago.  The whole Jack the Ripper subplot is almost treated like a red herring, which is an odd way to treat a 19 century villain who can travel through time.  I mean, sometimes, romance has to wait until the time-traveling serial killer has been taken care of.  It’s all about priorities.

In the end, this one is for hardcore Hasselhoff fans only.  Those who want to watch a Jack the Ripper time traveling movie would be better served by watching Time After Time, featuring David Warner as the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell as H.G. Wells.

Horror Film Review: Cyborg Cop (dir by Sam Firstenberg)


In this 1993 film, John Rhys-Davies plays Professor Kissel.  The professor is a mad scientist with a German accent who has taken over a small island in the Caribbean.  From his compound, he has developed a process by which he can turn anyone into a cyborg!  The cyborgs follow his orders and …. well, it’s never quite clear what exactly Professor Kissel plans to do with the cyborgs.  I guess he just wants to keep them around so that they can do random evil things.

DEA agent Philip Ryan is captured by Kissel and transformed into one of those cyborgs!  However, Philip has a brother named Jack (played by martial artist David Bradley).  Jack used to work for the government until he was disillusioned when one of his investigations went terribly wrong.  However, Jack is willing to come out of retirement to save his brother.  Teaming up with a journalist named Cathy (Alonna Shaw), Jack infiltrates Kissel’s compound and battles the cyborgs.  Along the way, Cathy falls in love with Jack.  I’m not sure why that happens as Jack tends to be a bit surly and self-absorbed.  Indeed, he and Cathy somehow manage to have not just zero but less than zero romantic chemistry.

Does this movie sound dumb?  Well, that’s because it was pretty dumb.  It was directed by Sam Firstenberg, who directed the first two American Ninja films.  And it stars David Bradley, who starred in the last three American Ninja films.  The American Ninjas were fun but Cyborg Cop just kind of drags.  A huge part of the problem is that David Bradley was a good martial artist but he was a less than impressive actor.  Seeing as how Jack is trying to save his brother from being turned into an emotionless robot, Cyborg Cop calls for a bit more acting than the American Ninja films did.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to make a film about human emotions when your lead actor isn’t capable of showing them.  It doesn’t help that Jack is written as being someone who is always in a rather foul mood.  Also, from the minute he lands in the islands, he wears a fanny pack around his waist and it just looks so utterly ridiculous.  It’s hard to take a fight seriously when one of the combatants is wearing a leather fanny pack.  The other big issue is that it takes forever to actually get to the cyborg action.  For some reason, the film tries to generate some suspense about what Kissel’s plan is, despite the fact that the word “cyborg” is right there in the title!

On the plus side, the film does feature John Rhys-Davies playing a mad scientist and he’s just the type of cheerfully theatrical actor who can do justice to the role of someone who spends most of his time ranting about how much smarter he is than everyone else in the world.  Rhys-Davies, who is best known for playing Indiana Jones’s friend Sallah and for playing both Gimili and the talking tree in The Lord of the Rings, appears to have had a lot of fun as Prof. Kissel and it’s fun to watch him in the role.  This is a case where most people watching the film will proudly cheer for the bad guy because the bad guy is so much more entertaining than the good guy.

Cyborg Cop somehow led to two sequels.  The work is never done.

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films.  I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Today, we conclude by taking a look at 2020, 2021, and 2022!

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022

A Quiet Place Part II (2020, dir by John Krasinski, DP: Polly Morgan)

The Invisible Man (2020, dir by Leigh Wannell;, DP: Stefan Duscio)

Army of the Dead (2021, dir by Zack Snyder, DP: Zack Snyder)

Halloween Kills (2021, dir by David Gordon Green, DP: Michael Simmonds)

The Black Phone (2022, dir by Scott Derrickson. DP: Brett Jutkiewicz)

Smile (2022, dir by Parker Finn, DP: Charlie Sarroff)

Nope (2022, dir by Jordan Peele, DP: Hoyte van Hoytema)

X (2022, dir by Ti West, DP: Eliot Rockett)

Halloween Through The Years


Happy Halloween!

The first Halloween film came out in 1978.  The latest came out this year.  Over the years, there have been many Halloween film posters.  Each one provides a look at what the film was about and also what the current trends were in horror.

Here’s a look at Halloween through the years.

The first Halloween poster emphasizes the knife and the muscular hand that is gripping the knife.  One subtle effect is that the indented ridges of the pumpkin also serves as motion lines for the hand.

1978

The second and third Halloween posters continue the first posters emphasis on the holiday.  Both also playfully continue the theme of the “the night he came home.”  The third poster says, “The night no one comes home.”  Again, the posters are more about promising scares than emphasizing who is starring in the movie.

1981

1982

The posters for the next three Halloweens announced that the killer was the star of the show by putting the emphasis squarely on Michael.

1988

1989

1995

The next two Halloweens featured posters that owed much to the posters for Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.  Michael is still present on the posters but more emphasis is given to the actors playing his potential victims.

1998

2002

The posters for the Rob Zombie Halloweens emphasize Michael and his brutal nature.  With these posters, the emphasis is firmly shifted back to Michael.

2007

2009

Finally, the last three Halloween posters feature close-ups of Michael and Jamie Lee Curtis, emphasizing the character-based approach that the films took to the story.

2018

2021

2022

Horror Film Review: Last Shift (dir by Anthony DiBlasi)


Oh no, it’s the cops!

The 2014 film, Last Shift, tells the story of Jessica Loren (Juliana Harkavy).  Like her father, Jessica’s a cop.  Unlike her father, Jessica is hoping that she’ll survive her shift without becoming the victim of some weird cult leader and his followers.  Good luck with that, Jessica!

Jessica’s first assignment is to take the last shift at a police station that is in the process of being shut down.  All Jessica has to do is stay at the front desk for the entire night and answer the phone.  All of the 911 calls have been re-routed to the new station so Jessica’s job is mostly to make sure that no one enters the station who shouldn’t be there.  She’s also told to stay out of the way of a HAZMAT crew, which is showing up to clean out the station’s evidence lockers.

Unfortunately, it turns out that just sitting at the front desk is one of those things that sounds easier than it actually is.  For one thing, a drunk homeless man keeps showing up and, eventually, Jessica is forced to put him in one the station’s cells.  Secondly, the station keeps getting calls from a woman named Monica.  Monica says that she’s been kidnapped by a cult.  Jessica tells Monica to call 911 and tell the police where she is but Monica replies that she is calling 911.  But how can that be if all of the calls have been rerouted to the new station?

On top of all that, Jessica keeps hearing strange singing and seeing out-of-place shadows in the hallways.  Is it just her imagination or is there someone — or something — in the station with her and the HAZMAT team?  A mysterious woman appears, smoking a cigarette outside of the station.  She tells Jessica that, years ago, the same cult that killed her father committed mass suicide in the station.  Shortly afterwards, Jessica is visited by another cop who claims that he knew her father and that he was present when the cult died….

Largely taking place in one location and over the course of one long night, Last Shift is an effectively atmospheric horror film.  The nearly deserted station is creepy and Juliana Harkavy gives a good and sympathetic performance as Jessica.  To a certain extent, the film is a perhaps a bit too quick to make it clear that something supernatural is happening at the station.  I would have liked it if the film had played a little bit more with the idea of all of the strange events just being in Jessica’s head.  (Early on, the film does play with that possibility.)  Instead, by making it a little too obvious what’s happening, this is one of those films that does leave you wondering why Jessica stays in the station for as long as she does.  Every bit of common sense would say to leave and deal with the professional consequences once you’ve escaped from the supernatural horror looking to destroy you.  Losing your job sucks but it’s still preferable to losing your life.  But, if you can overlook that one flaw, Last Shift is a genuinely frightening horror film, one that plays out like a filmed nightmare and which builds up to a surprise ending.

This is one to save for the next time you feel like watching something really scary.  Don’t watch alone!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Light Blast and Patriot Games!


 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1985’s Light Blast!  Selected and hosted by me, this Italian film is the perfect combination of horror, science fiction, action, and Erik Estrada!!  The movie starts at 8 pm et!  Here’s the playlist!

Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  We will be watching 1992’s Patriot Games, featuring Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan!  The film is available on Paramount Plus and several other streaming services!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto twitter, start the Light Blast playlist  at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, start Patriot Games, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.   I’ve already reviewed Light Blast for this site and I’ll probably review Patriot Games sometime in the upcoming few weeks!

Horror on the Lens: Night of the Living Dead (dir by George Romero)


Happy Halloween everyone!

Well, as another horrorthon draws to a close, it’s time for another Shattered Lens tradition!  Every Halloween, we share one of the greatest and most iconic horror films ever made.  For your Halloween enjoyment, here is George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead!

(Be sure to read Arleigh’s equally famous review!)

6 Horrific Trailers For October 31st, 2022


For today’s Halloween edition of Lisa’s Marie Favorite Grindhouse Trailers, I present to you, without comment, 6 trailers for six horror films that I feel are unfairly overlooked.  If you’re still looking for something to watch this Halloween night, I recommend any of the films below!

Happy Halloween!

1. Lisa (1989)

2. A Field in England (2013)

2. Two Orphan Vampires (1996)

3. Scream and Scream Again (1970)

4. Messiah of Evil (1973)

6. Lisa Lisa (1977)