Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.23 “Another Time, Another Place/Doctor Who/Gopher’s Engagement”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Maureen McCormick returns to The Love Boat!

Episode 3.23 “Another Time, Another Place/Doctor Who/Gopher’s Engagement”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

Mrs. Elliott (Audrey Meadows) boards this week’s cruise with a very specific mission in mind.  She wants to find a husband for her daughter, Celia (Maureen McCormick).  Mrs. Elliott, whose husband owns a good deal of stock in the cruise line, at first eyes Doctor Bricker as a possible suitor for her daughter, despite the fact that the doctor is considerably older than Celia and has been divorced multiple times.  However, Celia is far more charmed by Gopher, who asks Celia to dance when Julie points out how miserable Celia looks at the ship’s Charleston night.

Celia is charmed by Gopher and, when he accidentally gives her a ring that he’s been carrying around in his pocket, she assumes that he’s asking her to marry him.  (The ring was actually lost by another passenger and Gopher was just carrying it around until he could put it in the lost-and-found.)  Celia says yes and suddenly, Gopher is engaged!  Mrs. Elliott is not happy about this, as Gopher is only an assistant purser.  As for Gopher, he tries to get out of the engagement by having Isaac tell Celia that Gopher’s a drunk.  This only makes Celia even more determined to marry Gopher (so she can “save” him) and this also gets Gopher in trouble with the Captain who, as the show sometimes remembers, is a recovering alcoholic.

Fortunately, Isaac eventually tells Celia the truth about what’s going on.  Celia is surprisingly forgiving, returning the ring and announcing that she and Gopher will always be good friends.  Celia also finds the strength to tell her mother to let her live her own life.  Mrs. Elliott is okay with this, because she has another daughter who needs a husband and Doc is still single.

This was a storyline that depended too much on everyone involved acting like an idiot.  Those are my least favorite stories.  But, just as with last week, Fred Grandy got to show off his tragic clown qualities and Maureen McCormick was so convincing in her role that it was hard not to suspect that perhaps she related to a character who was tired to everyone assuming that they knew what was best for her and her life.

Speaking of storylines that required everyone to act like an idiot, this episode also featured Bert Parks as Dr. Michael Mervey, a noted sex therapist.  Dr. Mervey boards the ship under an assumed named and tells the Captain that he just wants to relax and not have anyone asking him for any help with their problems or asking him to autograph his book.  However, Evelyn Miller (Phyllis Davis) has heard a rumor that Dr. Mervey is on the boat so she boards with the intention of tracking him down and seducing him.

The only problem is that Evelyn doesn’t know what Dr. Mervey looks like.  (I find that hard to believe, considering how famous Dr. Mervey is supposed to be.)  When she hears Isaac refer to another passenger (Arte Johnson) as being a “doctor,” Evelyn assumes the passenger must be Dr. Mervey.  But instead, he’s just Wilfred Johnson (Arte Johnson), a nerdy nuclear physicist.  At first, Dr. Johnson pretends to be Dr. Mervey but when the real Dr. Mervey inevitably spots Evelyn and starts to hit on her, the truth comes out.  Evelyn dumps Wilfred.  Feeling guilty, Dr. Mervey tries to give them a therapy session.  Neither wants to listen to Dr. Mervey but they do still realize that they actually love each other.  Wilfred and Evelyn leave the cruise arm-in-arm and Mervey pats himself on the back for a job well-done.

Again, this plot was way too dependent on everyone acting like an idiot.  That said, Bert Parks made me laugh as the self-important Dr. Mervey.

Finally, Jane Wyman stars as Sister Patricia, a nun who is heading to Acapulco to be a teacher.  When she discovers that her ex-boyfriend, Steve Brian (Dennis Morgan), is on the cruise, she is forced to reconsider her decision.  In the end, she decides to follow her calling but she tells Steve that they’ll be reunited in another time and another place.  When Stubing comforts Steve, Steve replies that, “if” there’s a Heaven, they’ll be reunited.

Uhmm…. Steve, if there is a Heaven, it’s probably not full of agnostics.  Just saying.

Anyway, this was a simple story and I could tell where it was going to go from the first minute the Steve greeted Patricia on the boat but it worked because of the old school charm of Dennis Morgan and Jane Wyman.  These two Hollywood veterans knew just how to best embrace the melodrama.

Thanks to Wyman and Morgan, this was a pleasant cruise.  Hopefully, next week will be just as pleasant.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is actually a pretty good one.

Episode 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

This week’s episode opens with Gopher in a panic.  His mother, Roz (Ethel Merman), is going to be on the cruise.  It’s her first big trip after the death of Gopher’s father and Gopher wants her to have fun because she’s been so depressed.  However, when Roz boards the ship, Gopher is stunned to see her laughing, singing, and hanging out with a male passenger named Lyle (Gene Rayburn).  Roz seems so happy that Gopher starts to worry that she didn’t love his father.

Of course, the opposite is true.  Roz is miserable but she doesn’t want Gopher to know how sad she’s feeling.  She doesn’t want Gopher to worry about her and she also doesn’t want to make Gopher feel any worse about losing his father.

This storyline handled loss and sadness with an intelligence and a maturity that I don’t think most people would ever expect to see on the show like The Love Boat, with both Fred Grandy and Ethel Merman giving sensitive performances as two people struggling to come to terms with their grief.  Gopher comes to realize that he’s been focusing on Roz’s grief so he’ll have an excuse to not think about his own and Roz comes to realize that she’s been doing the same thing to Gopher.

Now, of course, this is still The Love Boat so, of course, Roz ends up performing during the ship’s Passenger Talent Show.  And, yes, Gopher doe show up at the last minute and, in order to let her know that he now understands her feelings, sings a duet with her.  It’s a bit of goofy ending for an otherwise poignant story but, in its way, it definitely works.  It’s a sweet scene.

The Gopher/Roz storyline is so poignant and so well-handled that it pretty much overshadows everything else that happens on the boat.

Korean comic Jimmy Kim (Johnny Yune) finds romance with a reporter named Kendall Park (Momo Yashima) but Kendall is offended by Jimmy’s act (which is full of jokes about life in Korea).  However, after Roz talks about how much she enjoyed Jimmy’s humor, Kendall  changes her mind and she and Jimmy leave the ship as a couple.  This was an interesting story to watch and consider in the midst of our current, scolding, “That’s not funny” culture of 2023.  If anything, it showed that debates about what one can or should joke about are hardly new to this century.  But it just felt strange that it took a white woman appreciating Jimmy’s humor for Kendall to no longer be offended by jokes about Korea.  If anything it would seem that Roz saying that she enjoyed hearing jokes about Korea would leave Kendall feeling even more offended by Jimmy’s act.  I’m just glad that all of this didn’t lead to Captain Stubing doing his “I see you’ve been reading about your history” speech again.

Meanwhile, four blue collars friends board the ship.  Three of them (played by the Hudson Brothers) announce that they’re going to pretend to be wealthy professionals.  However, Paul Stockwood (Nicholas Hammond) announces that he is not going to pretend to be anything than the waiter that he is.  That’s before Paul realizes that the wealthy Leila Stanhope (Haley Mills) is on the boat.  Paul has waited on Leila several times at the Manhattan restaurant in which he works.  When Leila tells Paul that he seems familiar, Paul lies and says that he’s a wealthy writer.

It all seems to be working well, until Paul decides to bring Leila breakfast.  The sight of Paul carrying a tray of food is all it takes for Leila to remember who he is.  At first, Paul calls Leila a snob and Leila calls Paul a liar.  But then they fall in love anyway, which means that Paul will probably never have to work as a waiter again.  Yay!  Unfortunately, this storyline was hampered by the lack of chemistry between Nicholas Hammond and Hayley Mills.  They were both attractive but they were also difficult to buy as a couple.

Even though two of the storylines were somewhat flawed, the story about Gopher and his mother elevated this entire episode and it made it one of the best episodes of The Love Boat that I’ve watched so far.  This was a cruise to remember!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.21 “The Remake/The Perfect Match/The Captain’s Ne’er Do Well Brother”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, special guest star O.D. Warbux brings The Love Boat to life!

Episode 3.21 “The Remake/The Perfect Match/The Captain’s Ne’er Do Well Brother”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 2nd, 1980)

At the start of this week’s episode, Marshall Stubing boards the ship.  As you can guess by his last name, Marshall is Captain Stubing’s brother.  He bears a pretty strong resemblance to Merrill, except he’s a little thinner and he has more hair and a pencil-thin smile.  He wears suits and has a quick smile and is quick to flirt with every woman the he sees.  He’s played by an actor named O.D. Warbux and….

Wait a minute….

That’s not O.D. Warbux!  That’s Gavin MacLeod!  Yes, in this episode, Gavin MacLeod plays both the serious Captain Stubing and his carefree, free-loading brother.  And you know what?  MacLeod/Warbux actually does a pretty good job playing the two roles.  In the scenes in which the brothers argue, MacLeod really does seem to be sincerely annoyed with himself.  Seriously, though, you have to give MacLeod some credit.  If he had joked his way through the double role, I doubt anyone would have called him out on it.  Instead, MacLeod gives two believable and emotionally nuanced performances.

As for why Marshall is on the boat, he’s looking for a woman to continue to fund his life.  Merrill threatens to kick Marshall off the cruise but Marshall reveals that he bought a ticket and he has ever right to be there.  As Merrill watches with a disapproving frown, Marshall meets and romances Ruby Gibson (Diane Ladd), who is the millionaire widow of an Oklahoma oilman.  Marshall actually does fall in love with Ruby but he fears that he’s not good enough for her.  Ruby announces that Marshall is perfect for her and even Merrill says that Marshall is actually a good guy.  Marshall leaves the boat with Ruby and I assume they got married a few weeks later.  That’s good.  Hopefully, Ruby will help to pay for Vicki’s college education (assuming Vicki is actually allowed to leave the boat to attend school).

Marshall Stubing is not the only family member on the boat.  Julie’s aunt, Christine (Florence Henderson), is also on the boat.  When she meets Neal Rich (James Broderick), he immediately reminds her of her late husband.  Neal and Christine fall in love on the boat but will Christine ever stop trying to make Neal behave just like her late husband?  Of course, she does.  This is The Love Boat!  Back when I was reviewing The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, I said some fairly negative things about Florence Henderson as an actress but she’s actually really good in the episode and she has great chemistry with James Broderick so I guess it was really the Brady children who were holding her back on the Variety Hour.  This was a sweet story and I have to say that I actually found myself really hoping that Christine and Neal would work things out.

Finally, Holly Christopher (Connie Stevens) boards the ship because she’s spent the last few weeks stalking Howard Samuels (Kent McCord), the man who she has decided will be the father of her child.  As Holly explains it to Doc, she doesn’t want to get married.  She doesn’t want a family.  She just wants a baby.  Doc, who has like a dozen ex-wives and whose entire life seems to revolve around searching for one-night stands on the boat, tells her that marriage and traditional courtship are wonderful and that she should consider them.  Holly realizes that she agrees with Doc and she decides that she wants an old-fashioned romance after all.  This whole storyline felt like it could have come from one of those old 1950s films that would star Troy Donahue and Sandra Dee as teenagers learning the facts of life.  Kent McCord was pretty dull as Howard but Connie Stevens brought a lot of energy to the role of Holly.  Out of the three couples who left the ship at the end of the cruise, Howard and Holly is the one that’s definitely not going to last.

With this episode, The Love Boat kept it all in the family and, overall, this was a pretty good cruise.  Both Gavin MacLeod and O.D. Warbux deserve a lot of credit for giving performances that elevated the entire episode.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Pacific Princess continues to be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Episode 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

It’s time for another cruise on the Love Boat and once again, Doc Bricker is trying to get laid.

As I’ve often said in the past, The Pacific Princess really was a floating HR nightmare and that’s especially clear in any episode that opens with Doc bragging about how his latest girlfriend is about to board the ship.  This time, Doc is excited because he’s going to be joined by Sherry Holtham (Misty Rowe), who apparently took an acting class with Doc.  Imagine Doc’s surprise when Sherry boards the ship with her sister, the insecure and recently dumped Carol (Vicki Lawrence)!

Doc desperately wants some alone time with Sherry but, in order for that to happen, he’s going to have to find someone to show Carol a good time.  Gopher turns Doc down.  The Captain turns Doc down.  Fortunately, however, there is a legendary swinger on the boat.  Rod Baylor (football star Joe Namath) is on the boat and he’s always looking for a good time!  Gopher lies and tells Rod that Carol is notorious for being wild.  Rod takes a shot….

….and gets turned down because he came on too strong.  Gopher suggests that Rod open up to her about his insecurities.  Rod doesn’t have any insecurities but he lies to Carol and tells her that he’s actually very shy and reserved.  Carol is sympathetic and gives Rod her therapist’s card.

I guess the important thing here is that Sherry and Doc got to spend some time together.  They even get to wear matching red kimonos!  At the end of the cruise, Doc says a cheerful goodbye to Sherry but Rod is stuck with Carol and he looks absolutely miserable about it so …. wow, that was kind of a mean-spirited story, to be honest.

Speaking of sex, Sarah Conkle (Brett Somers) refuses to have sex with her husband, Harvey (Phil Harris), because she’s worried he’ll have another heart attack and die.  In fact, she spends almost the entire cruise telling Harvey not to do anything because she doesn’t think he’s healthy enough.  Finally, Harvey takes two bottle of champagne down to the cabin and he and Sarah not only have sex (off-screen, of course) but Harvey lives!  Sarah is so impressed that she lets Harvey carry their suitcases off the boat.  I’m going to guess that Harvey probably died a few days later.

Finally, young Jimmy Hopkins (Mark James) boards the ship with his amicably divorced parents, Evelyn (Ja’net DuBois) and Andrew (Cleavon Little).  Jimmy hopes that he can bring his parents back together (awwww!) and Vicki decides to help Jimmy come up with a plan.  That plan is to basically lie to every single man on the ship about Evelyn being married to a scary football player so that they’ll all stay away from her.  Jimmy also helps out by telling one of Evelyn’s suitors that he can’t wait for him to be his new stepfather.  (That guy is never seen again.)  Eventually, Evelyn and Andrew tell Jimmy that, though their marriage didn’t work, they will always love each other and that they will always be a part of his life.  Awwwww!

This was a mixed bag of an episode.  The storyline about Jimmy and his parents was sweet (even if it did involve a lot of lying) and featured good performances from DuBois and Little.  The storyline about the old couple was, if you’ll forgive the expression, dead in the water.  As for the Namath/Lawrence/Rowe storyline, it was pretty silly.  To be honest, any story that features Doc successfully seducing someone while wearing his red kimono is pretty silly.  Vicki Lawrence’s character didn’t go to do much, other than cry and complain.  Joe Namath, while hardly an actor of great range, had a goofy likability to him.  This episode was a breezy way to pass the time, even if it’s not one of the more memorable episodes of the series.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.18 and 3.19 “Kinfolk/Sis & the Slicker/Moonlight & Moonshine/Too Close for Comfort/The Affair: Part 2”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, it’s a family affair on The Love Boat!

Episodes 3.18 & 3.19 “Kinfolk/Sis & the Slicker/Moonlight & Moonshine/Too Close for Comfort/The Affair: Part 2”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Well, heck, it’s another double-sized, two-hour episode of The Love Boat.

This is actually the third two-hour episode of the third season, following the season premiere and the episode with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.  I have to admit that I don’t really look forward to these two hour episodes because they’re usually a bit uneven.  The Love Boat was the perfect hour show, one that featured stories that were specifically designed to be neatly wrapped up in 40 minutes.  The two-hour episodes always seem to lose their narrative momentum after that first hour and that’s certainly the case here.

At the center of the episode is Danny Fields (Donny Osmond), a singer who has been booked to perform on the cruise.  Julie is convinced that Danny is going to be a big star and she’s even convinced a talent scout named Steve Sorrell (Rich Little) to board the ship so that he can see Danny perform.  However, Steve is more interested in Kitty Scofield (Loni Anderson), an innocent West Virginia girl who is eager to see the rest of the world but who is also engaged to marry the unambitious Elmer Fargas (Randall Carver).  Kitty is also Danny’s sister and, in fact, Danny’s entire family (played by Richard Paul, Marion Ross, and Slim Pickens) are on the cruise.  Danny is worried that his hillbilly family will stand in the way of his rock ‘n’ roll career and he goes out of his way to avoid them.  While the rest of the Scofields are willing to accept that Danny doesn’t want to associate with them, Grandpa Luke Scofield (Slim Pickens) lets Danny know that he’s not to happy with Danny and his rock ‘n’ roll ways.  Of course, Luke himself is being courted by Brenda Watts (Eve Arden), a writer who wants to write about the Scofield family and who gets close to them by pretending to be from West Virginia herself.

Fortunately, Danny comes to realize the error of his ways, especially after he sees how Steve has been manipulating his sister.  At his next performance, Danny introduces his family and sings Country Roads especially for them.  Meanwhile, Kitty realizes that she needs to be independent for a while so she dumps both Steve and Elmer, though it’s suggested that she’ll eventually give Elmer a second chance.  Brenda comes clean to Luke about not being a hillbilly and Luke eventually forgives her because he’s in love with her and Brenda’s in love with him.  Even old Steve turns out to be not such a bad guy, though he does tell Danny that his record label just isn’t looking for any new country acts.  Hmmm …. maybe Danny should have stuck with the rock ‘n’ roll.  Oh well!

Got all that?  I hope so because I’m not typing all that out again.

Meanwhile, Frank (Robert Guillaume) and Maura Bellocque (Denise Nicholas) are taking the cruise with their best friends, Dave (Richard Roundtree) and Cynthia Wilbur (Pam Grier).  Frank and Cynthia are having an affair and they aren’t particularly discreet about it.  I was expecting Maura to decide that maybe she and Dave should have an affair of their own but instead, she just spent the entire cruise glaring at Frank.  This was actually a surprisingly dramatic story, one that did not end with the expected positive outcome.  (Is this the first cruise of the Love Boat to end in divorce?)  This is a story that demands at least one big, explosive moment but instead, it was all surprisingly low-key.

Finally, the sprinkler system malfunctioned while the boat was in dock and the cabins of Doc, Gopher, and Isaac were flooded.  So, they move in with the Captain!  The Captain is not amused by Doc’s snoring, Gopher’s New Age chanting, or Isaac’s disco dancing.  And when Doc, Gopher, and Isaac all try to bring different women back to the cabin with them, no one is amused by that.  I’m not really sure I understand why they all had move in together.  Why couldn’t Doc just sleep in his doctor’s office and maybe Isaac and Gopher could have shared an empty passenger’s cabin during the cruise?  (Julie did mention that there were some “small” cabins available.)  Anyway, the important thing is that they all manage to survive the cruise without killing each other.

This was an uneven episode.  The Captain annoyed with everyone as funny because Gavin MacLeod was always amusing whenever he acted annoyed.  The storyline with the cheating couple was well-acted, if dramatically a bit unsatisfying.  But then you get to all the stuff about Danny and his country family.  I know that The Love Boat is not meant to be a realistic or particularly nuanced show but still, Danny’s family was portrayed as being such a bunch of hicks that I was half-expecting them to ask the Captain whether he ever worried about the boat sailing over the edge of the world.  Loni Anderson and Slim Pickens gave likable performances but Donny Osmond was incredibly bland as Danny and the scenes where he “performed” featured some truly abysmal lip-synching.  It was also a bit difficult to buy Rich Little as a swinger.  He came across like he just couldn’t wait to get back home and hang out at the Elks Lodge.

This episode probably would have been fun if it had played out over a compact 60 minutes but, at two hours, things were just stretched a bit too thin.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.17 “April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a special guest returns!

Episode 3.17 “April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on January 12th, 1980)

Let’s see.  This week’s episode is entitled April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending and….

Wait?

Whose love?

April?

Oh no (or oh yes, depending on how you view things), it’s a Charo episode!

Charo was hardly the only celebrity to frequently appear on The Love Boat but she was the only one to always play the same character.  April first boarded the ship as a stowaway and then she returned as an entertainer.  She appeared at least once in almost every season.  In many ways, Charo was the perfect fit for The Love Boat.  She was loud, flamboyant, and shameless.  She was sexy but innocent.  She was the epitome of The Love Boat aesthetic.  At the same time, a little Charo went a long way and, whenever she boarded the ship, you knew the episode was pretty much going to be 75% Charo.

That’s the case here, in which the crew makes such a big deal over April that you have to wonder if they’re aware that there are other passengers on board.  April boards the ship with her manager and fiancé, Honest Tex (Forrest Tucker).  The crew doesn’t trust Honest Tex, especially when they find out that he was a used car salesman before he met April.  When Honest Tex hears Julie playing her flute and offers to get her a recording contract, the crew assumes that he wants to cheat on April!

(Side note: Since when did Julie start playing the flute?)

Fortunately, Honest Tex turns out to be sincere and he really does have a heart as big as Texas.  After April tells him what the crew has been saying about him, Honest Tex admits that he has been lying about something.  He was actually born in New Jersey.  April sings a song, the crew apologizes, and April and Honest Tex leave the boat a happy couple.

While this is going on, William and Betty Robinson (Don Adams and Juliet Mills) board the boat so they can get some work done.  They are married screenwriters but they are on the verge of divorce.  Once they finish their current script, they can split up.  The only problem is that William doesn’t want to split up with her.  Isaac suggests that William just never finish the script.  William hides the script in his nightstand and then, saying that it’s been lost, he works with Betty to write a new script in which a couple stays together.  Betty and William realize that they still love each other.  Betty discovers that William hid the script but she then confesses that she had another copy of the original script the whole time.  Awwwwwww!  This was a cute story.  Don Adams was a lot more likable here than he is on Check It Out! and Juliet Mills is a lot less annoying than her sister Hayley.

(Admittedly, I really only know Hayley from her time as Miss Bliss on those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell.  But seriously, Miss Bliss was the worst!)

Finally, Tom Thornton (Ross Martin) boards the boat and is surprised to see his ex-girlfriend, Martha (Marjorie Lord), and Martha’s adopted daughter, Laura Rogers (Laurie Walters).  Laura happens to be Tom’s daughter!  Tom isn’t sure whether or not he should reveal he is Laura’s father but meeting Vicki and hearing about how happy Vicki was when she discover Captain Stubing was her father leads to Tom telling Laura the truth.  Laura is happy to have a father and Martha is happy to reunite with Tom.  This was another sweet story, featuring sincere performances from both Ross Martin and Marjorie Lord.  (Plus, Vicki finally did something to justify breaking all of the labor laws that are undoubtedly being violated by having a 12 year-old working on a cruise ship.)

This episode featured two sweet and sincerely-acted stories but both of them are overshadowed by April and Honest Tex.  Personally, I think April is an amusing character and, as I said, Charo was the epitome of the ideal Love Boat celebrity guest.  But it’s still hard not to feel that the other passengers deserved just as much attention as Charo received in this episode.  That said, this was still an enjoyable cruise.  A good time was had by all.  I know Charo will return in future episodes but I have a feeling we’ll never hear from Honest Tex again.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.20 “The Littlest Sweathog” and 2.21 “Radio Free Feddie”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Julie’s pregnant and Freddie’s a star!

Episode 2.20 “The Littlest Sweathog”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 10th, 1977)

At the apartment, Julie sees that Gabe has a sketch pad and she demands to know what he’s drawing.

“A picture of you,” Gabe replies.  He explains that he’ll let her see the picture after he tells her a joke about a relative of his who lost a lot of money when he put $5 on horse number five and the horse came in fifth.  (It went over my heard but I’m not a gambler.)  Anyway, the picture isn’t very good and Julie tells him that Gabe’s attempt at art is “funnier than the joke.”

YIKES!

After the opening credits, we return to the apartment where Gabe is tutoring Barbarino.  The audiences screams so loudly when Barbarino shows up at the apartment that it’s hardly surprising that he’s having trouble concentrating in school.  I mean, that audience is really loud!

No sooner has the lesson begun with Gabe asking what Barbarino knows about D-day (“That’s the day I bring home my report card.”) then the phone rings.  Barbarino tells Gabe that it might be a girl calling for him but instead, it’s Julie’s doctor calling to tell her that she’s pregnant.

“Julie’s pregnant!” Gabe shouts.

Barbarino says, “Don’t look at me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Vinnie!  I know who the father is!”

“Who?”

Gabe is convinced that he’s the father, despite the fact that Vinnie does kind of have a point.  I mean, Julie really doesn’t seem to even like Gabe the majority of the time.  When Julie comes home, Gabe eventually convinces Vinnie to leave so that he can tell Julie the news.  Gabe is excited.  Julie is not excited at all, pointing out that she can’t even remember to water the plants half the time.  Gabe tells Julie that she’ll glow.  Julie responds that “Spending a half-hour trying to get out of a chair is not my idea of glowing.”

The next day, at school, the Sweathogs are debating what type of present they should get Gabe.  Freddie suggests a savings bond.  Horshack offers to donate 89 cents.  The Sweathogs are incredibly invested in the happiness of Gabe’s baby, which is quite a contrast to the way we viewed the teachers at my high school.  We didn’t know anything about their lives outside of school and we didn’t want to know.

After Horshack tells Woodman that Gabe is going to be a father, Woodman replies, “This time, you’ve gone too far, Kotter!  Who is it!?  What’s her name?”

Gabe assures Woodman that the only person who he’s gotten pregnant is his wife.  Woodman replies that Gabe is going to have to start holding up gas stations to have enough money to raise a child.  Gabe tells Woodman that Julie doesn’t seem to be to thrilled.  Woodman replies, “I wouldn’t be too thrilled about having your baby either,” before laughing maniacally.

Back at the apartment, Julie is feeling depressed because, as she says when she hears someone knocking at the door, “Somehow, I just don’t feel like I’m glowing!”  Julie answers the door and sighs in frustration as the Sweathogs enter the apartment.

“Oh!  The lady in waiting!” Horshack announces.  Meanwhile, Barbarino notices that Julie is reading a book by Dr. Spock.  “I’m a big Star Trek fan, too,” Barbarino says.

Gabe comes home and, somewhat oddly, is not shocked to find the Sweathogs in his apartment.  Gabe asks the Sweathogs to leave.  Barbarino and Freddie are happy to go because they want to watch TV.  “This bionic woman is getting bigger transistors tonight,” Barbarino says.  “Dyno-mite!” Freddie replies.

After the Sweathogs finally leave, Julie says that she realizes that, fears aside, she wants to have the baby.  Gabe is happy because he’ll have someone new to tell all of his jokes.

Later, Gabe buys a stuffed dog for the baby and then tells it about his uncle who owned a dog named Roscoe.

This episode was both sweet and a bit awkward to watch.  On the one hand, I appreciated the fact that the show tried to be realistic in its portrayal of Julie’s overwhelmed reaction to learning that she was pregnant.  On the other hand, this episode really drove him the fact that Gabe Kaplan and Marica Strassman didn’t exactly have a lot of chemistry.  By most accounts, Kaplan and Strassman couldn’t stand each other behind the scenes and that tension between the two of them was really noticeable in this episode.  (It’s hard not to notice that Gabe and Julie never seem to make much eye contact in this episode.)  Reportedly, Strassman often complained that she didn’t get enough to do as Julie.  This episode put Julie center-stage but she still had to share it with the Sweathogs and the whole thing just felt kind of weird.  I actually felt bad for Julie.  She can’t even relax in her own apartment without Gabe’s students coming by!

I’m starting to worry about the baby.  Let’s move on.

Episode 2.21 “Radio Free Freddie”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 17th, 1977)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a paratrooper and who apparently plunged to death when his super emergency parachute didn’t open.  That’s not a nice joke to tell a pregnant woman, Gabe!

At the school, Gabe is explaining to the Sweathogs that a famous radio DJ known as Wally the Wow is a former Sweathogs and Gabe has arranged for Epstein, Barbarino, Freddie, and Horshack to work as radio DJs for the week.  What?  How did that happen?  This seems more like a City Guys thing than a Welcome Back Kotter thing.  If you owned a radio station, would you turn programming over to four high school students?  Would you let Horshack on the radio?

Anyway, Wally the Wow is played by legendary comedian George Carlin and his producer, Andy, is played by The Love Boat‘s Fred Grandy.  When the Sweathogs take their turns on the radio, Wally is totally impressed by Freddie’s radio voice and, realizing that the rest of them don’t have Freddie’s talent, the other Sweathogs leave the station.  Freddie becomes a big hit but his friends think that he’s let the fame go to his head.  Wally tells Freddie that being a DJ can be a lonely job.  Freddie is prepared to give up his radio dreams but then the other Sweathogs drop by the station and apologize for being jealous.  Freddie agrees to stay on as a DJ.

Later, Gabe drops by the station and thanks Wally for taking care of the Sweathogs.  They reminisce about high school.  “I remember you used to tell all of those stupid jokes about your uncles,” Wally says, “I’m glad you outgrew that.”

This was a weird episode, largely because it really didn’t make any sense for Wally to put the Sweathogs on the radio in the first place.  It would not surprise me if this was yet another backdoor pilot, this time for a sitcom that would have followed the adventures of Wally the Wow and his goofy engineer, Andy.  Still, as strange as the episode was, it did give Freddie, the most underused of the Sweathogs, a chance to have a moment in the spotlight so that was a good thing.

Next week, the second season ends!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.16 “Making the Grade/The Gift/Doc’s ‘Ex’ Change”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc Bricker gets his moment in the spotlight.

Episode 3.16 “Making The Grade/The Gift/Doc’s “Ex” Change

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

Since the very first episode of The Love Boat, viewers have continually been told that Doctor Adam Bricker is a notorious swinger, a lothario was has been married numerous times and to whom almost every woman is immediately attracted.  There’s really not much about Bernie Kopell’s likable but rather mild-mannered performance as Doc that would lead anyone to think that any of that would be true but the show insists that Dr. Bricker is a legend of the high seas.

On this week’s episode, Doc’s most recent wife, Samantha (Juliet Prowse), boards the ship.  She and Doc split up a few years ago and they have a friendly relationship.  However, when Samantha informs Doc that her crooked lawyer never actually filed their divorce papers, Doc realizes that they are technically still married!  Will they get a quickie divorce in Mexico (which is Doc’s first idea) or will the give marriage another try?  (That’s Doc’s second idea.)  In the end, they realize that they are just too different to make a marriage work.  Samantha is smart and practical, while Doc is …. well, actually, Doc is the exact same way.  Doc insists that he and Samantha don’t have much in common but actually, they have a lot in common.  I think Doc is kind of fooling himself into thinking that he’s more of an impulsive wild man than he really is.  Anyway, at the end of the cruise, they decide to get divorced but at least they still like each other.  Doc never quit gets his heart broken like the rest of the cast does.  I guess that’s why he’s a legend.

Meanwhile, Vicki finally gets someone her own age to hang out with when Danny Harris (Johnny Timko) boards with his mother, Madeline (Jessica Walter).  Unfortunately, Danny is also kind of a spoiled brat and he’s really not happy when he discovers that his teacher, John Hurley (Dick Gautier), is also on board.  And then Danny is even more upset when John starts to romance Madeline.  And really, Danny has a point.  No one wants to see their teacher (or their boss) while they are on vacation.  And seriously, no one wants to deal with the idea of their teacher (or, again, their boss) suddenly becoming their stepfather.  That said, Danny eventually makes peace with the idea of his mom dating his teacher and everyone leaves the boat happy.

The final storyline features one of those plots that drives me crazy, because it could have easily been resolved by everyone not acting like an idiot.  Buddy Redmond (Red Buttons) boards the boat with his wife, Joan (Kaye Ballard).  Buddy claims that it’s been years since he last gambled but actually, he’s lying.  He has $2,000 in his suit pocket, money that he got from his bookie.  Joan doesn’t know about it.  When Joan hears that two other passengers, Benny Carter (frequent Love Boat guest star Sonny Bono) and Sally (Ronee Blakely), have lost their luggage, she donates Buddy’s jacket so that Benny will have something to wear at dinner.  When the envelope containing the money falls out of the jacket, Benny and Sally think that all of their financial problems have been solved.  Meanwhile, Buddy desperately wants to get back both the jacket and the money but he doesn’t want his wife to find out why.  Meanwhile, Benny and Sally need the money but they don’t want to steal it if it actually did fall out the jacket so they try to convince themselves that the envelope could have been left in their cabin by a previous passenger who is no longer on the boat.  Seriously, it’s exhausting to try to keep up with these people.  Fortunately, once Buddy discovers that Benny and Sally really need the money, he lets them keep it.  Joan is so touched that she totally forgets about the fact that her husband is apparently still a degenerate gambler.

Even by Love Boat standards, this was a silly episode.  At the same time, it was a pleasant diversion.  Juliet Prowse and Bernie Kopell made a nice couple, even if you never quite bought the idea of Doc being a playboy.  Red Buttons wisely underplayed his role and therefore, Buddy remained sympathetic even while demanding the return of his jacket.  Even Sonny Bono and Ronee Blakely were likable as a nice couple who found themselves in over their heads.  This cruise was silly but pleasant.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.15 “The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher falls in love.  Yes, Gopher.

Episode 3.15 “The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

After three seasons of being goofy comedic relief, Gopher finally got his heart broken in this episode.  He fell in love with a passenger named Claire Dalrymple (Jill St. John), who is on the boat by herself because she has recently separated from her husband, Nelson (Robert Sampson).  And Claire eventually fell in love with Gopher, especially after he dressed up like a mariachi singer and serenaded her with a song about the time that she asked him to kill a spider that was in her cabin.  This time, it was Gopher who ended up waking up in a cabin with a passenger.

(I’m sure some would say it was a bit unrealistic that Claire, upon seeing a spider in her cabin, would run out into the hallway, screaming while wearing only a towel.  I’ve done the exact same thing at a hotel because spiders are scary!)

But does Claire really love Gopher or if she just looking for someone to feel the void left by her separation.  When her husband shows up on the boat, he turns out to be a pretty reasonable and polite guy.  He tells Gopher that, while Gopher can give Claire anything she wants at sea, Nelson can give her everything she needs on land.  Is Nelson suggesting some sort of special arrangement here?  Well, if he is, it totally goes over Gopher’s head.  At the end of the cruise, Claire decides to leave with Nelson and Gopher can only sadly watch as she leaves.

Awwwwwww!  Poor Gopher!

It’s kind of weird to see Gopher in a sad story.  That’s not the fault of Fred Grandy, who always likable and did a pretty good job with the role.  Instead, it’s just that Gopher is such a goofy character that it takes a bit of adjustment to suddenly see him being sincere.  His storyline here worked well-enough, once you got used to the idea of Gopher being serious.  If anything, Gopher was so sad by the end of it that it suddenly made sense why he’s always telling jokes and trying to avoid any sort of emotional commitment.  He’s hurting inside!

The other two storylines were goofy enough to make up for Gopher’s serious turn.  Chet Hanson (James McArthur) is on the cruise with his girlfriend, Kim (Susan Buckner).  Chet’s wife, Carol, (Joanna Pettet) also shows up on the cruise and gives Chet the papers to sign for their divorce.  Chet and Carol are fairly friendly for a divorcing couple but Chet is still upset when Carol buys a ticket for the cruise and ends up staying in the cabin across the hall from him and Kim.  Soon, Carol is stopping by constantly and telling Chet about a man that she’s been flirting with.  Eventually, Chet realizes that he doesn’t want to get a divorce and he and Carol get back together.  That really sucks for Kim, who is surprisingly tolerant of being followed around by her boyfriend’s wife.  This storyline really did leave a sour aftertaste.  Chet was a jerk and Kim deserved better.

Finally, Ed “Flash” Taylor (Milton Berle) and Jack McTigue (Alan Hale, Jr.) were both boxers in their youth.  They fought one legendary fight, in which they not only beat the Hell out of each other but also knocked out the referee.  Now, they are both cruise line executives and they both end up on their boat at the same time.  As soon as they see each other, their rivalry reignites and they prepare for a rematch on the boat.  When Captain Stubing tries to stop the fight, he is accidentally knocked out by the two boxers.  Somehow, this leads to peace between Ed and Jack and not to Captain Stubing suing his bosses for punching him.  Seriously, the Love Boat is floating HR nightmare.

This was an okay episode, largely due to Gopher’s unexpectedly sad story.  The other two stories were just goofy but, when it comes to The Love Boat, the goofiness is the point.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.14 “The Stimulation of Stephanie/Life Begins at 40/The Next Step”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard!  They’re expecting you!

Episode 3.14 “The Stimulation of Stephanie/Life Begins at 40/The Next Step”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 1st, 1979)

After being unexplainably absent last week, Vicki returns this week and is once again somehow a member of the Love Boat crew, despite only being 12.  Nobody asks where she was last week and certainly, no one asks her how she’s doing in school.  In fact, not only the crew but also the passengers seem to be totally accepting of the idea of a 12 year-old working as the assistant to the cruise director.  I guess the 70s were a different time.

If I seem to be harping on the strangeness of Vicki living on the boat, that’s because this week’s episode really isn’t that interesting.  This week’s episode is a fairly bland one.  It’s so bland that it really leaves you with no choice but wonder about the logistics of how the boat works.  And really, that’s something that should never happen when you’re watching a show like The Love Boat.  If you’re worrying about real-life questions while watching a show like this, it means that you’re watching an episode that just isn’t working.  The Love Boat, like Fantasy Island, should be an escape from reality and not an excuse to wonder about how it all works.

As usual, we’ve got three storylines to deal with.  Jo Anne Worley plays Dottie Anderson, who is 39 years old and still unmarried.  She’s booked herself in the honeymoon suite because she is determined that she is going to meet a man and get married over the course of the cruise.  Julie assures Dottie that there’s nothing wrong with being single when you’re 4o, which is easy for Julie to say because someone asks her to get married during almost every cruise.  Anyway, Dottie flirts with a lot of men and ultimately, she comes to realize that Julie was right.  She embraces being single and leaves the boat happy.  Yay!  This storyline didn’t add up too much but at least Jo Anne Worley knew how to deliver a joke.

Meanwhile, pro football player Virgil Plummer (Roosevelt Grier) is upset because he’s about to retire from the game that he loves and he doesn’t know what the future holds for him.  With the help of his wife (Melba Moore) and Isaac, Virgil realizing that he can pursue a career as a cook.  Personally, I’m not sure why he wouldn’t just retire and live off the millions he made as a football player.  Or maybe he could become a coach or one of those “fight for every inch” motivational speakers.  Grier and Moore had a likable chemistry (even if it did feel more like a close friend chemistry as opposed to a married chemistry) but again, this storyline just didn’t add up too much.

Finally, sex research Norman Bridges (Dick Martin) and his assistant, Stephanie Champman (Char Fontane) board the boat.  Bridges wants to research the roots of sexual simulation.  Stephanie is in love with Bridges, though you have to wonder why because he’s kind of a boring jerk.  Still, when Norman thinks that Doc Bricker is trying to seduce Stephanie, Norman goes down to Bricker’s cabin and punches him.  Unfortunately, Norman wasn’t wearing his glasses and didn’t initially realize that the woman in Doc’s cabin was not Stephanie but was instead a passenger named Lena (Judy Landers).  Eventually, Norman does figure out that Stephanie loves him and they leave the boat together.  Somehow, Norman got away with assaulting the ship’s doctor.  This storyline was just dumb.  No one in their right mind would fall in love with someone as clueless and self-absorbed as Norman.

This was a less-than-satisfactory cruise.  But that’s what happens when you break child labor laws.