On tonight’s episode of FreakyLinks, Ethan Embry and the crew investigate real-life adrenaline vampires! Agck!
This episode features appearances from Jeffrey Combs, Dennis Christopher, Paige Moss, and everyone’s favorite, Eric Baflour!
This episode originally aired on June 1st, 2001.
Oddly enough, the late 90s and early 2000s saw a lot of movies about teenagers that all had strangely generic names. She’s All That, Down To You, Drive Me Crazy, Head Over Heels, Get Over It, Bring It On … the list is endless.
And then you have the 1998 graduation party-themed Can’t Hardly Wait. Can’t Hardly Wait has such a generic name that, when you first hear it, you could be forgiven for naturally assuming that it stars Freddie Prinze, Jr. Of course, if you’ve actually seen the film, you know that it features almost everyone but Freddie Prinze, Jr. This is one of those films where even the smallest roles are played by a recognizable face. In fact, there’s so many familiar actors in this film that a good deal of them go uncredited. Jenna Elfman, Breckin Meyer, Melissa Joan Hart, Jerry O’Connell, and Amber Benson may not show up in the credits but they’re all in the film. In fact, you could argue that Melissa John Hart, playing an impossibly excited girl who is obsessed with getting everyone to sign her yearbook, and Breckin Meyer, playing an overly sensitive lead singer, provide the film with some of its comedic highlights.
(That said, perhaps the most credible cameo comes from Jerry O’Connell. He plays a former high school jock who ruefully talks about how he can’t get laid in high school. He’s so convincingly sleazy and full of self-pity that you find yourself wondering if maybe O’Connell was just playing himself. Maybe he just stumbled drunkenly onto the set one day and started talking to anyone who would listen…)
Can’t Hardly Wait takes place at one huge high school graduation party, which is actually a pretty smart idea. The best part of every teen movie is the party scene so why not make just make the entire movie about the party? Almost every member of the graduating class is at this party and we get to see all of the usual types. There’s the stoners, the jocks, the nerds, and the sarcastic kids who go to parties specifically so they can tell everyone how much they hate going to parties. Eric Balfour shows up as a hippie. Jason Segel eats a watermelon in the corner. Sara Rue’s in the kitchen, complaining about how everyone’s a sheep. Jamie Pressly drinks and assures her best friend that she’s at least as pretty as Gwynneth Paltrow. (“And you’ve got way bigger boobs!” she adds, encouragingly.) Outside, Selma Blair frowns as someone hits on her with bad line.
Of course, Mike Dexter (Peter Facinelli) and Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love Hewitt) are the main topic of conversation at the party. For four years, Mike and Amanda were the school’s power couple but Mike decides to dump Amanda right before they graduate. Mike feels that he’s going to have a great time in college and he doesn’t need any old high school commitments holding him down. His best friends all agree to dump their girlfriends too. Mike spends the party watching, in horror, as all of his friends go back on their promise. Amanda, meanwhile, wanders around and wonders who she is now that she’s no longer Mike Dexter’s girlfriend.
Preston Meyers (Ethan Embry) struggles to work up the courage to tell Amanda that he’s had a crush on her ever since the first day he saw her. Meanwhile, Preston’s best friend — the reliably sarcastic Denise (Lauren Ambrose) — finds herself locked in an upstairs bathroom with Kenny “Special K” Fisher (Seth Green). (Needless to say, Kenny is the only person who actually calls himself “Special K.”) Kenny is obsessed with losing his virginity. Denise, meanwhile, won’t stop talking about the sweet and dorky Kenny that she knew way back in elementary school.
And then there’s William Lichtner (Charlie Korsmo). He’s spent his entire life being tormented by Mike and he specifically goes to the party looking for revenge. However, he has a few beers and quickly becomes the most popular senior at the party. He even gets a chance to bond with Mike…
Can’t Hardly Wait is a favorite of mine. It’s one of those films that doesn’t add up too much but it’s so so damn likable that it doesn’t matter. It’s full of smart and funny scenes and all the actors are incredibly likable. If you’re not rooting for Preston and Amanda by the end of the movie then you have no heart. In fact, Can’t Hardly Wait is a lot like Empire Records. They may not be much depth to it but it’s so sincere and earnest that you can forgive it.
You can even forgive the generic name.
Do you remember when Chris Brown performed The Man In The Mirror at the 2010 BET Awards? It was during a tribute to Michael Jackson and Brown broke down crying while singing the song. Afterwards, he accepted an award and he said, “I let you all down before, but I won’t do it again. I promise you.”
This, of course, was about a year after Brown had pled guilty to physically abusing Rihanna. I remember being on twitter during Brown’s performance and seeing literally thousands of tweets from people talking about how brave Chris Brown was and how amazing his performance had been. Chris Brown was looking at the man in the mirror and asking him to change his ways. Chris Brown was promising not to let anyone else down by nearly killing any future girlfriends. A lot of people on twitter claimed this was amazing. I thought it was disgusting and I tweeted out my opinion. I really didn’t give a fuck if Chris Brown was asking the man in the mirror to change his ways. The man in the mirror was (and is) an abusive asshole. The man in the mirror beats women. The man in the mirror is not capable of changing his ways. “FUCK THE MAN IN THE MIRROR!” I tweeted.
And, oh my God, the reaction my little twitter rant inspired. What was especially disturbing was that the majority of people who tweeted me in Brown’s defense were other women. Yes, they all agreed, Chris Brown had beat Rihanna but he admitted what he had done, he was asking the man in the mirror to change his ways, and hey, Rihanna probably deserved it.
My favorite excuse — and this was used by quite a few of Brown’s defenders — was this: “Only God can judge Chris Brown.” Well, you know what? I asked God and he says Chris Brown’s an abusive asshole.
I’m tempted to say that it amazes me that Chris Brown still has fans but actually, it doesn’t. Sadly, when it comes to a celebrity, people are willing to make excuses for almost anything. If you ask most people, they’ll say that they’re against domestic abuse and they think abusers should suffer the worst punishment imaginable. But when the abuser is someone who they know (or, in the case of a celebrity like Chris Brown, someone who they feel they know), the excuses start. The equivocations are heard. The blame is assigned to everyone but the abuser. We start hearing bullshit about how people make mistakes and only God can judge.
In short, people are willing to talk but when it matters, they rarely act.
That’s also the theme of a powerful and sad movie called No One Would Tell. No One Would Tell was originally made for television in 1996 and it still shows up fairly regularly on Lifetime. Though the names and certain details have been changed, it’s based on a true story. In fact, the film feels like it’s based on several true stories. The plot of No One Would Tell is one that has occurred and continues to occur on far too regular of a basis.
Stacy Collins (played by Candace Cameron, before she added the Bure to her name) is a 16 year-old high school student. She’s quiet, shy, and insecure. When she first starts to date a popular jock named Bobby Tennison (Fred Savage), it seems like a dream come true. But soon, Bobby starts to show another side. He’s controlling and possessive. He grabs her wrist hard enough to leave bruises. He shoves her into a wall when they have an argument. When she wears a skirt that he thinks is too short, he grabs her in the school hallway and demands that she change immediately. When she isn’t home to answer his calls, he assumes that she most be cheating on him. And, when she finally breaks up with him, he kills her.
What’s infuriating is that, throughout the film, Bobby’s abuse is witnessed by all of his and Stacy’s friends. Everyone sees him push her. Everyone sees the bruises. Everyone knows that Bobby is unstable and that Stacy is afraid of him. And yet, nobody says a word. Nobody does a thing. Instead, they just make excuses for Bobby’s behavior. Some of them even blame Stacy. No one is willing to get involved and it eventually costs Stacy her life.
For a TV movie from the mid-90s, No One Would Tell holds up surprisingly well. Admittedly, Fred Savage overacts in the role of Bobby (and maybe it would have been better if the role had been played by Eric Balfour, who appears as Bobby’s best friend) but Candace Cameron does a perfect job as the tragic Stacy, capturing both her insecurity and her vulnerability. Some of the film’s best moments are the ones shares by Cameron and Michelle Phillips. In those scenes, we see how Stacy learned how to make excuses for Bobby’s behavior from watching the way that her mother made excuses for the men who similarly abused her. No One Would Tell is a powerful film, one that offers an unflinching look at abuse and one that dares to demand that its audience take a stand.
No One Would Tell is a film that should be watched by anyone who thinks that the man in the mirror can change his ways.
The 1997 film Trojan War may be a bit obscure (and, in fact, I had never heard of it until I came across it On Demand two weeks ago) but it has earned a place in the Hollywood record books as one of the biggest box office bombs of all time. Made on a $15,000,000 budget, Trojan War was released into one theater, played for one week, and made a total of $309.
But, as far as simple-minded teen sex comedies, are concerned, it’s not that bad.
Brad Kimble (Will Friedle) is a nice but dorky high school student who, for years, has had a crush on an unattainable cheerleader, Brooke (Marley Shelton). When Brad is invited over to Brooke’s house to tutor her in biology, he arrives just after Brooke has had a fight with her jock boyfriend, Kyle (Eric Balfour sans facial hair). Soon, Brooke and Brad are making out. Brooke asks Brad if he has a condom. Of course, if Brad did have a condom, there wouldn’t be a movie. The rest of the movie deals with Brad’s attempt to not only find a condom in California and but to also get back to Brooke.
(Apparently, in the 1990s, there was some sort of sudden condom shortage in California. That’s all that I can guess after having seen Trojan War.)
Of course, that’s not as easy as it sounds. Brad’s car (actually, it’s his dad’s car) gets stolen. Brad ends up having a run in with a crazy homeless man (David Patrick Kelly) who — in a rather obvious shout out to Better Off Dead — wants two dollars. Brad gets chased by a crazy dog. Brad has to deal with a cameo appearance by a crazy Kathy Griffin. Brad runs into a crazy bus driver (played by Anthony Michael Hall). Brad ends up being pursued by a crazy police officer (Lee Majors). And since the film itself is a bit of an unacknowledged remake of Some Kind of Wonderful, Brad is also pursued by his not crazy best friend, Leah (Jennifer Love Hewitt, who I’ve always liked because we’re both Texas girls and I share her struggle). Leah is in love with Brad and Brad is in love with Leah. He’s just not smart enough to realize it.
And indeed, that’s the key to understanding the plot of Trojan War. Brad is just not that smart. This is one of those films where the great majority of Brad’s problems could have been avoided if Brad just wasn’t a moron. Fortunately, Brad is played by Will Friedle who was always the best part of Boy Meets World and who displays the unique ability to make stupidity cute. Friedle is so likable as Brad that you’re willing to forgive the film for a lot.
That doesn’t mean that Trojan War is necessarily a good movie. It’s likable but it’s never really good. For every joke that works, there’s one that doesn’t. I could have really done without the extended sequence where Brad gets lost over on the bad side of town and the movie suddenly trots out every negative Latino stereotype imaginable. But, when the movie just concentrates on Will Friedle and Jennifer Love Hewitt, it’s likable enough to waste 90 minutes on.
If nothing else, it’s certainly more entertaining than most movies that made less than 400 dollars at the box office.
Skyline, which just opened this weekend, is currently getting almost universally terrible reviews from the nation’s mainstream critics. The consensus seems to be that the film features impressive special effects but that can’t make up for the predictable storyline, cardboard characters, and bad dialogue.
(Oddly enough, this is being said by the same critics who, last year around this time, were raving about Avatar. It’s as if these critics are trying to make up for essentially giving James Cameron a free pass by now nitpicking every single effect-driven movie to death.)
Well, to be honest, a lot of what they’re saying about Skyline is true. The characters are pretty thinly drawn, the script is pretty basic, and the plot is derivative. But you could have guessed that just from watching the movie’s trailer. Skyline is a fun and enjoyable little movie, the type that you’re already forgetting about as you walk out of the theater.
Plotwise, a bunch of rich people get together in L.A. They party, they drink, and they do things that would make their mother’s cry. The next morning, Earth is invaded by brain-sucking aliens and our hung-over protagonists, trapped in a luxury hotel, attempt to survive the next three days. And that’s pretty much it.
The cast is pretty much made up of people you’re used to seeing on TV and most of them give TV-movie-style performances. They struggle not to be overwhelmed by the special effects but, to be honest, this actually makes the film more effective. The cast’s struggle to keep up with the special effects neatly parallels humanity’s losing battle against the aliens. However, for the most part, the cast does what is required of them and they do it well enough. It is a little bit distracting that a key supporting role is played by Scubs’ Donald Faison because every time I saw him, I kept expecting to hear a Zach Braff inner monologue.
The film’s nominal lead is played by Eric Balfour, who is actually probably about as appealing as he’s ever been in his role here. In the past, I’ve always been vocal about “not getting” Eric Balfour but, lately, I’ve been starting to see his appeal. (And no, my sudden appreciation of Balfour has nothing to do with the fact that I had a kinda fun conversation with him on twitter once — well, okay, maybe a little.) I think in the past Balfour has been cast in parts where his facial hair was expected to carry the dramatic weight of the role. In this film, Balfour is actually allowed to play a sort of “everyman” type role and he’s actually very appealing in the role. Plus, I never noticed this before but Eric Balfour has like literally got the sexiest biceps ever. They’re at least in the top ten as far as sexy biceps are concerned. Also in the cast is David Zayas (you’ll recognize him from Dexter) who doesn’t have sexy biceps but is still a totally hot badass in his own mysterious way. Here he plays a concierge who shows up out-of-nowhere and quickly becomes the coolest character in the film. He gets to deliver the film’s best one-liner as well.
Ultimately, Skyline is a movie about special effects and it is here that the film triumphs. Working with a relatively low budget, the filmmakers have managed to create aliens that are not only believable and occasionally scary but kinda fun as well. These are the type of old-fashioned aliens that have come to Earth with only one purpose in mind and the special effects — the ominous mother ship floating over L.A. and the various things (they appear to be some sort of cross between animal and machine) that patrol the city in search of fresh victims — all have a retro feel to them that is undeniably appealing.
For all the criticism that Skyline has been getting, the really only inexcusable flaw is that the film is basically is 10 minutes too long. If the final ten minutes (or “Day 3” as the film puts it) had been cut out of the final film, Skyline would probably be getting much less slammed by the reviewers, the majority of whom would probably then be able to see the movie for the silly, campy, and enjoyable little b-movie that it really is. However, that ending — well, a bad ending can ruin an otherwise decent movie and if you need proof, here it is. In fact, I suggest that anyone who goes to see Skyline should leave as soon as that title — Day 3 — appears on the screen. Just stand up and walk out of the theater and allow the end of Day 2 to be the end of the movie. Trust me, you’ll have much fonder memories of the experience afterward.
I wasn’t able to attend this year’s Comic-Con, but those who did and saw clips from this under-the-radar alien invasion film from the Strause Brothers came away impressed by what they saw. This particular film may be the Zombieland of 2010.
Skyline looks like your typical alien invasion flick with highly-advanced and even more highly-aggressive beings from another world wreaking havoc on the planet with their massive and very cool-looking ships. This one is made by the Strause Brothers who last made the sequel, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem which was better than I thought it would be. It was still a bad film, but at least the brothers were able to inject some insane fun in the proceedings unlike it’s predecessor.
This second offering from the brothers look to do the same for their version of the alien invasion and this time around the setting centers on Los Angeles and not New York. The film looks to have tentacles (anime fans rejoice) in addition to huge hovering ships destroying city blocks and smaller ships taking on humanity’s armed forces. From what I could gather the acting and dialogue will not be the highlights of the film, but if they keep those at the barest minimum then this little-gem from this year’s Comic-Con may just be one of the best times in the theaters this year.
Through the Shattered Lens 