Elvis (1979, directed by John Carpenter)

Posted on March 17, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Elvis, not to be confused with the later film starring Austin Butler, is a historically-interesting film for a number of reasons.

Made for television, it was the first of many biopics to be made about the King of Rock and Roll. Seeing as how it went into production just a year after Elvis’s death and that its script was vetted and approved by Priscilla Presley herself, it’s not surprising that Elvis doesn’t really delve into the darker aspects of his life. Elvis shoots a television, gets frustrated with his bad movies, and wonders who he can trust but we don’t see him get fat nor do we see him popping pills. The movie ends with Elvis making his comeback in 1969, allowing a happy ending for the title character.

The film was directed by John Carpenter. It was his first film to be released after the monster success of Halloween, though Carpenter actually started work on Elvis before Halloween was released. Though the film’s television origins means there aren’t many examples of Carpenter’s signature style in Elvis, Carpenter does a good job recreating Elvis’s performances and, most importantly, he comes up with a film that holds your interest for three hours.

Finally, the role of Elvis is played by Kurt Russell, who was at the time still struggling to prove himself as being something more than just a Disney star. Russell, who made his film debut kicking Elvis in the shins, throws himself into playing the role and captures the look, the swagger, and the voice of Elvis without ever descending into caricature. His singing voice is dubbed for the performances but Russell is still convincing as the King. It takes skill to wear that white jumpsuit without looking like you’re wearing a bad Halloween costume. While this film showed that Russell was capable of more than just Disney films, it even more importantly launched his friendship with John Carpenter. Escape From New York, The Thing, and Big Trouble In Little China all began with Elvis.

The movie doesn’t really tell us anything that we didn’t already know about Elvis but its entertaining and it has a big, colorful cast that include Pat Hingle as Tom Parker, Shelley Winters as Elvis’s mother, and Bing Russell (Kurt’s father) as Elvis’s father. Priscilla is played by the beautiful Season Hubley, who married Kurt Russell shortly after filming. (They divorced in 1983.) Joe Mantegna, Ed Begley Jr., Ellen Travolta, and Dennis Christopher all appear in small roles and do their part to bring Elvis’s world to life. Elvis is a fitting tribute to the King of Rock and Roll, one that gave Elvis a happy ending and started a great collaboration between a director and his star.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.11 “Frog Day Afternoon”

Posted on December 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Horshack takes center stage. You’ve been warned.

Episode 4.11 “Frog Day Afternoon”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on November 25th, 1978)

This week’s episode of Welcome Back, Kotter does not feature Mr. Kotter.

It does not feature Vinne Barbarino.

It doesn’t even feature Beau, the new Sweathog.

It does feature a lot of the show’s two most annoying characters, Arnold Horshack and Julie Kotter.

Horshack doesn’t want to dissect a frog because he’ll be required to kill the frog before cutting it open. Did they really used to require students to personally kill their own frog in biology class? That’s a little extreme. I always assumed that everyone just got frogs that were already dead.

Julie, of course, support Horshack’s right to not open up a frog and argues with Woodman about it. I’m not really sure what Julie actually does at the school. Sometimes, she appears to be a guidance counselor. Other times, she appears to be a receptionist. She’s been called Woodman’s “secretary” a few times but we don’t ever actually see her doing any sort of secretarial work. I guess that, when Gabe Kaplan announced he wouldn’t be appearing in the majority of the 4th season episodes, they had to put Julie in the school so that there would still be a Kotter in Welcome Back, Kotter. But Julie’s originally from Nebraska so it’s not like she’s the one being welcomed back to Brooklyn.

Anyway, Horshack argues that frogs don’t get a say in whether or not they want to die and he refuses to kill them. His teacher (Dena Dietrich) says that she’ll have to give Horshack an F. Washington says, “You better lay one of those F’s on me too.” Epstein also decides to take the F. The entire class is so moved by Horshack’s stand that they all ask for an F as well!

Normally, this would be very moving but since every student at the school appears to be in their 30s, it’s pretty obvious that none of them are that worried about their grades. When you’ve already been held back twelve times, it’s not like another F is going to make a difference.

This episode …. yech. I mean, to be honest, I had sympathy for Horshack’s position. I certainly wouldn’t want to kill a frog or any other animal and I agree that students who object should be given an alternative assignment. I mean, unless you’re planning on actually going into the medical field, I don’t really see what the point is in dissecting things in school. But Horshack has become such an annoying character that it didn’t matter that I agreed with him. I just wanted him to stop talking!

During the first season, Ron Pallilo actually did a pretty good job playing Horshack. Horshack was strange but he wasn’t a cartoon. But that changed somewhere around the middle of the second season and, with each episode since then, Horshack has progressively become more and more annoying. He’s not a proper replacement for Barbarino.

Anyway. bless the frogs. They’re nice creatures if you don’t bother them.

This is my final Welcome Back, Kotter review of 2024. These reviews will resume after the holidays, on January 4th.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.18 “Cry Wolf”

Posted on March 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, someone is calling in false emergencies and neither Baker nor Ponch are going to let him get away with it!

Episode 1.18 “Cry Wolf”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on February 16th, 1978)

A creepy weirdo named Walt (Brad David) is angry at the world. He hasn’t been able to get a job since he got out of prison and his sister is always giving him a hard time. Walt deals with his anger by driving up to police call boxes and phoning in reports of imaginary accidents. For every call, the fire department and the highway patrol waste precious recourses responding. Getraer wants the caller caught and he’s placed Jon in charge of the task force to take him down.

This is one of those episodes where the emphasis is on how all the various departments work together to keep people safe. Whenever Walt places a call, we’re presented with a montage of cops and firemen racing to be the first one to arrive at the “accident.” Though the show makes clear that Walt is not thinking straight and that he’s not in a good place mentally, the emphasis is still on how many resources are wasted on his calls.

It gets so bad that Jon and Ponch start to assume that every call is a prank. When someone calls in to say that a helicopter has crashed on the highway, Jon is shocked to discover that a helicopter actually has crashed. He and Ponch rush the plane’s cargo — rare blood for an operation — to a local hospital and are scolded for showing up late. That’s the danger of crying wolf. When Walt is finally caught by Baker and Ponch, he attempts to jump off a bridge. Baker and Ponch stop him, of course. As they pull him back to safety, Baker says that Walt is lucky they weren’t busy answering a false call.

This was a good episode for Baker, as he also got a subplot in which a minor motorcycle crash led to him meeting and dating an X-ray technician named Karen Rayburn (Kathryn Holcomb). Baker and Karen were a cute couple and there was something undeniably charming about how nervous Baker got whenever he had to flirt. Larry Wilcox was not the most expressive actor but his stiff demeanor was put to good use in this episode.

This was not a bad episode. Since the majority of the episode focused on one storyline, this episode felt more cohesive than some of the ones that came before it. As usual, the main highlight was watching Baker and Ponch weave their way in and out of traffic. The scenery was lovely and there was even an exploding helicopter! You can’t go wrong with that.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.7 “The Deprogramming of Arnold Horshack”

Posted on January 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To the shock of no one, Horshack joins a cult.

Episode 3.7 “The Deprogramming of Arnold Horshack”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on October 13th, 1977)

At the apartment, Julie thanks Gabe for not telling her any stories about his family. Gabe responds by telling her about his Cousin Lester, who was really dumb and drove a train.

But enough jokes! There are serious issues afoot at Buchanan High! Horshack has not been coming to class and the Sweathogs have not seen him around. Gabe suggests that the problem might be that the other Sweathogs are always making fun of Arnold. However, Horshack proves Gabe wrong by showing up for class in a sarong and carrying flowers and a tambourine.

Arnold Horshack is now a follower of the mystic Baa Baa Bee Bee and he requests to be called by his new name, Abdul Kareem Hassan. (I assume that Horshack is meant to be a Hare Krishna but the name of Horshack’s new cult is never actually mentioned on the show.) At first, everyone is amused but when Hassan announces that he is going to drops out of school and follow Baa Bee around the world, the Sweathogs drag him into the boy’s bathroom and attempt to deprogram him through physical intimidation. When Gabe catches them, he tells them that this is Horshack’s decision to make. He does this despite having earlier gotten a rather desperate visit, at the apartment, from Horshack’s mother (played by Ellen Travolta, John’s older sister who did a passable imitation of Horshack’s signature laugh.).

(Julie, while talking to Gabe about Horshacks, mentions that she joined a cult in Nebraska but was asked to leave. Is anyone surprised?)

At school, Abdul Kareem Hassan says his farewells and he leaves. But, a few minutes later, he returns as Arnold Horshack and says that he’s changed his mind. And I guess that’s the end of that.

This episode is the type of thing that the first season of the show would have handled really well. The first season was all about the Sweathogs trying to figure out what they wanted from life and Gabe encouraging them to explore what they believed and what they wanted. If this occurred during the first season, Gabe would have seriously talked to Horshack about why he felt like he had to join a cult to find acceptance. Unfortunately, by the time the third season rolled around, the show and the characters had gotten a bit too cartoonish for an episode like this to have any resonance beyond, “Look at Horshack carrying a tambourine!” The whole thing is just gets to be too silly for its own good, which is quite a statement when you consider how silly Welcome Back, Kotter was on a normal basis.

I understand that cults were a big concern in the 70s. They’re a big concern now. Unfortunately, this episode really only worked when Gabe was talking about his Cousin Lester.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.19 “There Goes Number Five (a.k.a. Has Anyone Seen Arnold Part 2)”

Posted on November 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we learn more than we ever wanted to know about Arnold Horshack.

Episode 2.19 “There Goes Number Five (a.k.a. Has Anyone Seen Arnold Part 2)”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro and James Komack, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)

When last we checked in with the Sweathogs, Arnold Horshack was missing and perhaps dead. This episode opens with the Sweathogs in the classroom, telling Gabe that they’re worried about their friend. Gabe says that Arnold must be having a “problem in his personal life.”

“Come on, Mr. Kotter,” Epstein says, “Arnold ain’t got no personal life.”

Suddenly, Horshack comes into the classroom and asks Mr. Kotter how one becomes a father. “Well, first you meet a girl….” Gabe starts but Horshack stops him and explains that his fifth stepfather has died, felled by a heart attack while driving his taxi on the Long Island expressway. Horshack is now the man of his family. Everyone hugs Horshack and promises to help him out if they can.

“Awwwwww!” the audience says and it actually is a pretty sweet scene.

Unfortunately, the rest of the episode is not quite as effective. After the scene with the Sweathogs, the viewer is suddenly confronted with a new tenement location, a host of new characters, and some very broad acting as the show goes from being an episode of Welcome Back Kotter to being a poorly disguised pilot for a show that presumably would have focused on Horshack’s eccentric family. We meet Horshack’s mother (played by Ellen Travolta, sister of John). We meet Horshack’s obnoxious sibilings. When meet Goldie (Susan Lawrence), who Horshack has a crush on. And we eventually meet Horshack’s uncle, the wealthy Harry Orshack (James Komack). Uncle Harry gives Horshack a part-time job and agrees to train him to be “a shark” so that Horshack will be able to take care of his family. We also meet Leonard (Robert Stoneman), who is Harry’s other protégé and who takes an immediate dislike to Arnold. One can only imagine how many conflicts they would have had if this pilot had been turned into a show.

The episode suffers from a lot of problems, the least being that a little bit Arnold Horshack goes a long way. As a character, Horshack is funny when he’s a part of an ensemble but he’s a bit too cartoonish to be effective as a lead. On Welcome Back, Kotter, Horshack is an amusing eccentric but, in this episode, he’s surrounded by characters who are equally eccentric and it really does get to be too much. Watching it, one can see why the idea of doing a show about the Horshacks never got out of the pilot stage.

For the record, this is the first episode of Welcome Back Kotter to not feature Gabe telling a joke at the beginning of the show. As it ends, when Horshack returns to school and tells everyone that he’ll be working for his uncle Harry, Gabe offers to tell Horshack about his uncle who once had a job but we don’t actually get to hear the punchline of the joke.

In this episode’s defense, I should mention that it appears that both it and the previous episode actually aired on the same night and, as such, the backdoor pilot was the second half of a one-hour broadcast. So, I imagine that viewers in 1977 didn’t find all of this to be as jarring as a viewer in 2023 would. Still, if I was going to spin-off a Sweathog, I would have gone with Epstein. He seemed like he had a wild life.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.3 “Rocky/Julie’s Dilemma/Who’s Who?”

Posted on March 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Julie’s parents set sail on The Love Boat!

Episode 2.3 “Rocky/Julie’s Dilemma/Who’s Who?”

(Dir by Allen Baron and Roger Duchowny, originally aired on September 23rd, 1978)

After last week’s hurricane and hostage situation, things calm down a bit for this week’s episode of The Love Boat.

Julie is super-excited because her parents, Bill (Norman Fell) and Martha (Betty Garrett), are going to be on this cruise. Her parents, meanwhile, are only slightly excited about seeing where Julie works and getting to see all of the members of the crew. They would perhaps be more excited if not for the fact that they’re planning on getting a divorce as soon as the cruise is over. They haven’t told Julie, of course. In fact, they tell Captain Stubing before they tell Julie. Why would they tell someone whom they’ve only know for ten minutes before they would tell their own daughter? What awful parents!

When they do eventually tell Julie, she has an emotional breakdown and runs through the corridors of the ship, sobbing. Listen, I’ve been there. When my parents told me that they were getting divorced, I had a difficult time with it as well. Of course, I was twelve years old, whereas Julie is in her late 20s. Still, it’s never easy. Fortunately, Julie realizes that her parents still love each other so she just sets them up with different people on the boat so that they can get jealous and fall back in love. And it works! Julie’s parents get back together….

Which is nice, I guess. I mean, one doesn’t watch The Love Boat because one wants to see a realistic story about the complexities of love and marriage. Still, the show made it look so simple that it got on my nerves. It’s not that simple and any actual child of divorce can tell you that. Again, it’s The Love Boat so perhaps I shouldn’t judge too harshly but I would have had so much more respect for the show if Bill and Martha had told Julie that they were still getting a divorce at the end of the cruise. It would have been a lot more honest than presenting a story where a marriage can be saved by wishful thinking.

While Julie was trying to save her parent’s marriage and prevent several years of awkward holidays, a young girl named Rocky (Melissa Gilbert) was developing her first crush on a boy named Norman (Jimmy Baio). It was actually a sweet little story and both Melissa Gilbert and Jimmy Baio gave likable performances. When Rocky learned that her family would be moving after the cruise, she was upset until she learned that their new home would be in El Paso, which was also where Norman and his family lived. Again, it was simple but sweet. And it went along well with the divorce storyline. While one relationship nearly ended, another began.

Finally, in the silliest story of the week, TV network censor Pat (Dody Goodman) boards the ship and is told that she will be sharing a cabin with Marion Atkins. That’s fine with Pat. Her main concern is making sure that nothing shocking or sordid happens on the cruise. However, it turns out that Marion Atkins (played by James Coco) is actually a guy! Fortunately, Marion turns out to be just as puritanical as Pat. He even brings a bunch of pamphlets on chastity with him for the cruise. Pat and Marion first meet while wandering around the ship and they fall very chastely in love. Since their morals forbid them from following each other to their cabin, they somehow manage to go nearly the entire cruise without realizing that they are living together. When they do realize that they’re cabinmates, they resolve to get married as soon as the boat docks. This whole story was just incredibly dumb and not in a fun way either. Obviously, The Love Boat was taking a swipe at the same network censors who probably insisted that the show be relatively discreet about what was going on behind the closed doors of the ship’s cabins. But Pat and Marion were both so incredibly clueless that it was hard to care about them one way or the other.

This was a bit of uneven episode but, in the end, the boat still looked like a fun place on which to hang out and work. And really, that’s the important thing.

Back to School Part II #10: Grease (dir by Randal Kleiser)

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When it comes to reviewing Grease on this site, the film and I have a long and twisted history. There have been several times when I was tempted to review Grease but one thing has always stopped me:

I absolutely hate this film.

Grease is one of my least favorite films and, to be honest, just thinking about it causes me pain. Just about everyone that I know loves Grease. They love the songs. They love the music. They love the performances. They want to see it on stage. They want to see it on the big screen. They watch every time it pops up on AMC.

Growing up as a theater nerd means being surrounded by people who love Grease. I cannot begin to count the number of times that I forced to watch this movie in school. So many theater teachers seemed to feel that showing Grease in class was some sort of reward but, for me, it was pure torture. And the fact that I was usually the only one who disliked the film made the experience all the more unbearable.

Back in 2014, when I was doing the first set of Back To School reviews, I was planning on reviewing Grease. But I just could not bring myself to voluntarily relive the film. Instead of putting myself through that misery, I decided to watch and review Rock ‘n’ Roll High School instead. It was the right decision and I stand by it.

Jump forward two years and here I am doing Back to School again. And again, for some reason, I had put Grease down as a film to review. It’s just a movie, right? And yet, after I finished writing my excellent review of Animal House, I again found myself dreading the idea of having to even think about Grease.

So, I said, “Fuck this,” and I promptly erased Grease from the list and I replaced it with Skatetown USA. Then I watched Skatetown and I’m glad that I did because that was an experience that I can’t wait to write about! And yet, I still had this nagging voice in the back of my mind.

“You’re going to have to review Grease at some point,” it said, “If not now, when?”

The voice had a point. However, I was soon reminded that there was an even more important reason to review Grease. A little further down on my list of Back to School films to review was a little film called Grease 2. How could I possibly review Grease 2 if I hadn’t already reviewed Grease? My OCD would not allow it!

And so, here I am, reviewing Grease.

Grease, of course, is a musical about teenagers in 1958. Danny (John Travolta) is in love with Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) and Sandy is in love with Danny. But Danny’s a greaser and Sandy’s Australian! Will they be able to work it out, despite coming from different worlds? Of course they will! Danny’s willing to dress up like a jock in order to impress Sandy while Sandy’s willing to wear black leather to impress Danny! Yay! They go together! And they’ve got a flying car, too! YAY!

And then Satan arrived…

Of course, there’s other subplots as well. For instance, Frenchy (Didi Conn) nearly drops out of school but she’s visited by Satan (Frankie Avalon) and he manages to change her mind. And Rizzo (Stockard Channing) might be pregnant because Kenickie (Jeff Conaway) hasn’t bought any new condoms since the 8th grade. Comparing the sensitive way that teen pregnancy was handled on a show like Degrassi: The Next Generation with the way it’s handled in Grease is enough to make you want to sing “O Canada” every day for the rest of your life.

Here’s what I do like about Grease: Stockard Channing is great as Rizzo, though it’s hard not to feel that she deserves better than a doofus boyfriend like Kenickie and a boring bestie like Sandy. I also like You’re The One That I Want. That’s a fun song.

But as for the rest of the movie … BLEH! I mean, it is so BORING! It takes them forever to get to You’re The One That I Want. Olivia Newton-John is so wholesome that she literally makes you want to tear your hair out while John Travolta pretty much acts on auto pilot. As for the supporting cast, most of them appeared in the stage production of Grease and they still seem to be giving stage performances as opposed to film performances. They’re still projecting their lines to the back of the house. Worst of all, it’s obvious that director Randal Kleiser had no idea how to film a musical because the dance numbers are so ineptly staged and framed that, half the time, you can’t even see what anyone’s doing with their feet. If you can’t see the feet, it defeats the whole purpose of having an elaborate dance number in the first place!

So, no, I don’t like Grease.

Sorry, everyone.

However, I’m sure I’ll enjoy Grease 2….