Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.13 “Vote of Confidence”

Posted on July 28, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs are not looking for bull semen.

Episode 4.13 “Vote of Confidence”

(Dir by Randy Roberts, originally aired on February 12th, 1988)

After spending last week trying to retrieve a cannister of bull semen, this episode finds Crockett, Tubbs, and Switek actually doing Vice work for once. At the start of this episode, they stop a train that doubles as a rolling bordello. They arrest a man named Tom Pierce (Larry Pine), a congressman who just happens to be running for governor!

(Tubbs thinks that Pierce has some good ideas. Crockett doesn’t believe in voting. Try to get away with that on a television show in today’s hyperpartisan climate.)

Tubbs and Crockett are frustrated when the district attorney declines to prosecute Pierce. The D.A. says that they can’t prove that Pierce was actually on the train to hook up with a prostitute. He could have just been passing out campaign literature. Crockett and Tubbs are outraged, wondering why the prostitutes should be arrested but not the people who keep them in business. Crockett and Tubbs see it as another example of the rich and powerful being let off the hook and they’re probably right about that.

Still, Pierce’s campaign is rocked by the news of his arrest and, when he withdraws from the election, Internal Affairs investigates to make sure that Crockett and Tubbs didn’t set him up. While Crockett and Tubbs are definitely innocent, they still suspect that someone may have indeed set Pierce up. When Pierce disappears, they wonder if maybe he’s been abducted or murdered. Their investigation leads them to a notorious political prankster (Barry Lynch) and a shady press operative (Jonathan Hadary).

This episode was apparently based on the same scandal that, decades later, would inspire The Front Runner. It was an improvement on last week’s but then again, anything would have been an improvement on last week’s episode. Just the fact that Crockett and Tubbs were actually doing police work as opposed to stifling laughs every time someone mentioned “bull semen” guaranteed that this episode would shine compared to last week’s episode. On the plus side, this episode features a return of the cynical Crockett and Tubbs that we all know and love. On the negative side, the story itself is so bland that it fades from the memory as soon as the episode ends. This episode was competently done but bland. That’s the problem with episodes that are meant to be “ripped from the headlines.” Headlines eventually fade.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.12 “The Cows of October”

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week …. I don’t even know how to describe it.

Episode 4.12 “The Cows Of October”

(Dir by Vince Gillum, originally aired on February 5th, 1988)

A cannister of bull seamen has been stolen from a Miami lab and the feds (represented by Harry Shearer) want it back before it falls into the hands of the Cubans. Switek assists. Izzy shows up to broker the deal. Gerrit Graham plays a shady person who we are told is from Texas. (His accent is more Arizona.) Philip Michael Thomas wears a cowboy hat. Don Johnson is largely absent until the final scene. One gets the feeling that Johnson hated every minute of this episode while Thomas just seemed to be having fun.

This episode was, without a doubt, the stupidest episode of Miami Vice ever filmed. And listen, I will admit that I haven’t seen every episode. I’ve still got a season and a half to go. There seems to be a general online consensus that the final two seasons of Miami Vice were not good at all. I’m sure I have many dumb episodes ahead of me. But I cannot — as much as I try — imagine any episode that could be as a dumb as the Vice Squad abandoning the war on drugs so that they could keep the Cubans from getting their hands on a cannister of bull semen.

Miami Vice has always been as its best when its been surrealistic, cynical, and gritty. I would argue that Miami Vice really does not need to do comedic episodes. For the first three seasons, nearly every episode ended with an innocent person either dead or forever embittered. At its best, Miami Vice was not a happy show. It was a show where Crockett and Tubbs drove around in the dark, loaded their guns, and Phil Collins sang in the background. When Collins sang, “I can feel it coming in the air tonight,” he was not talking about bull semen. At least, I hope he wasn’t. (Oh, Lord….)

I really don’t know what to make of season 4. Trudy’s going to space. Crockett’s married. The Vice Squad is searching for bull semen. Yet somehow, through it all, Castillo continues to just stare at the floor and speak through gritted teeth. Like seriously, shouldn’t Castillo be concerned about all this weird stuff going on?

I didn’t care much for this episode. Searching for bull semen is a Pacific Blue thing. Miami Vice needs to handle real cases and leave all that other stuff for the bike cops.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.10 “A Rock and a Hard Place”

Posted on July 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Sonny goes to Hollywood.

Episode 4.10 “A Rock and a Hard Place”

(Dir by Colin Bucksey, originally aired on January 22nd, 1988)

I guess I am going to have to accept that Miami Vice is no longer a show about two vice cops fighting a losing war against drug traffickers. Instead, it’s now a show about an undercover cop who is married to a world famous rock star, even though it makes absolutely no sense.

In this episode, a tabloid reporter goes to Miami to do some research on this Sonny “Burnett.” He hears a lot of stories about how Sonny Burnett is one of the city’s biggest drug dealers and he writes a story about it. Sonny is upset, though one would think this would actually help him maintain his cover story. Myself, I have to wonder how competent this reporter was. Sonny Crockett has been established as having been a semi-famous college football star (Tubbs recognized him as soon as he met him) but no one ever seems to notice that Sonny Cockett and Sonny Burnett look, sound, and act exactly alike. Considering the number of times that Crockett’s cover has gotten blown and that everyone who has ever done business with Sonny Burnett has ended up either getting arrested and gunned down by the police, you would think there would at least be some speculation about this guy being a cop.

(On a plus note, Don Henley’s Dirty Laundry played in the background while the reporter doing his thing. That’s a song you can’t help but chair dance to.)

The majority of this episode dealt with a corrupt record executive (Tony Hendra) who was looking to get out of paying Sonny’s wife, Caitlin, the money that she was owed for her new album. His solution was to have her assassinated and to make it look like she got caught in the crossfire of one of her husband’s drug deals. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Sonny gunned down the two assassins and then arrested the record executive. “You’re a cop!?” the bad guy said, stunned.

And again, I have to wonder how this is not going to blow Sonny’s cover. Is the press really not going to ask why Caitlin’s criminal husband just arrested the guy releasing her latest album?

This episode had all sorts of plot holes and it asked the audience to suspend their disbelief just a bit too far. But at least it didn’t features Crockett and Tubbs searching for a stolen shipment of bull semen. That’ll be next week’s episode!

(Seriously, I’m not kidding….)

I miss the old Miami Vice. Seriously, the city’s drug business is probably booming because Crockett and Tubbs are wasting their time with all of this season 4 nonsense.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.9 “The Rising Sun of Death”

Posted on June 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Yakuza invades Miami.

Episode 4.9 “The Rising Sun of Death”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on May 27th, 1988)

Castillo is concerned. The murder of an American businessman leads him to suspect that the Yakuza has come to Miami and it turns out that he’s right. Riochi Tanaka (James Hong), a World War II war criminal-turned-mobster, is trying to take over the Miami underworld. While corrupt Homicide Detective Haskell (R. Lee Ermey) tries to convince everyone that the Yakuza is just a myth, Castillo teams up with Japanese detective Kenji Fujitsu (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) to takes down Tanaka and his right-hand man, Agawa (Danny Kamekoa). Needless to say, this leads to a fight with samurai swords, a lot of talk of honor, and a seppuku to close the case.

This episode hit every Yakuza cliche and the plot itself felt as if it had been put together at the last minute. (This is one of those episodes where every plot hole is dismissed as being a cultural difference.) We’re expected to believe that Tanaka could outsmart the Allies during World War II but he couldn’t outsmart the Miami Vice Squad. As well, of the major Japanese characters, only one was played by Japanese actor. Danny Kamekoa is a Hawaiian while James Hong is of Chinese descent.

That said, this episode was shot and filmed with a lot of style and it found an excuse to play Billy Idol’s Flesh For Fantasy during one of the early scenes. There’s something to be said for that. Neither Crockett nor Tubbs really did much in this episode but we did get to see Crockett house hunting with Cailtin. It’s mentioned that everyone thinks that Caitlin’s new husband is named Sonny Burnett instead of Sonny Cockett. That’s fine …. except for the fact that Sonny Crockett has previously been established as a bit of a minor celebrity, a college football star who would have gone on to the NFL if he hadn’t injured his knee. Every time this show tries to convince me that Crockett has fooled everyone into thinking he’s Sonny Burnett, it just further convinces me that there’s no way Crockett and Tubbs should still be doing undercover assignments.

This episode was stylish but empty but, considering some of the other episodes that have aired during this season, at least it was entertaining.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.8 “Like A Hurricane”

Posted on June 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Crockett gets married! Huh?

Episode 4.8 “Like a Hurricane”

(Dir by Colin Bucksey, originally aired on November 20th, 1987)

Crockett is upset when he’s assigned to serve as a bodyguard to singer Caitlin Davies (Sheena Easton). Caitlin is a witness to the criminal activity of music industry executive Tommy Lowell (Xander Berkeley) and the Vice Squad is worried that he might send someone to kill her. Crockett doesn’t have much use for celebrities and Caitlin doesn’t have much use for a cop continually telling her what to do. But after Crockett saves Caitlin’s life multiple times, they fall in love and the episode ends with Crockett and Caitlin getting married.

Wow, Crockett got married!

I mean, is Caitlin going to live on his boat? Is the crocodile going to be okay with this? For that matter, wouldn’t the fact that he just married a celebrity make it difficult for Crockett to continue his undercover work as Sonny Burnett? I mean, I imagine there was a lot of press coverage of the marriage. Caitlin, we’re told, is a pretty big deal.

Honestly, Crockett getting married should have been a big moment but this episode just fell flat. The main problem is that Don Johnson and Sheena Easton didn’t have much romantic chemistry so their sudden love for each felt as if it came out of nowhere. Sonny getting married that quickly seemed a bit out-of-character for him. This episode, like much of season 4, felt like it was mostly the result of the writers grasping at straws to find something new to do with the show. Last week, Trudy got kidnapped by aliens. This week, Crockett got married. Maybe next week, Tubbs will take on the Yakuza. Who knows? At this point, it all feels random.

We’ll see what happens. For now, here’s Sheena Easton performing one of my favorite Bond songs.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.7 “Missing Hours”

Posted on June 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s the most infamous episode of Miami Vice ever!

Episode 4.7 “Missing Hours”

(Dir by Ate De Jong, originally aired on November 13th, 1987)

This is an episode that I had been waiting for years to see. From the moment I decided to review Miami Vice, I started to read about and hear about this seventh episode of the four season. This was the episode was supposedly so bad that many people consider it to be the point that Miami Vice “jumped the shark.” This is the episode were James Brown plays a white-suited singer named Lou de Long, who has going from performing songs to giving lectures about UFOs. (James Brown is essentially playing himself, right down to the presence of I Feel Good on the soundtrack.) This is the episode where Trudy disappears for 12 hours and then returns with no firm memories of where she was. This is the episode where even Crockett and Tubbs see a UFO. Even though his appearance here does not receive as much attention as much a James Brown’s, Chris Rock made his television debut as a nerdy technician named Carson who was into UFOs. Carson mentions getting his information for “computer bulleting boards” and everyone looks at him as if he’s speaking Esperanto.

This is the episode that is frequently cited as being the worst in Miami Vice history and really, who am I to disagree?

It pains me to say that. I really wanted to like this episode, just because it is so strange and and I’ve always been a bit of a contrarian at heart but …. no, this episode really doesn’t work. The sad truth of the matter is that, for all of his other talents, James Brown was a lousy actor and, with the exception of Michael Talbott and Philip Michael Thomas (who both appear to be having fun), the regular cast gives performance that suggest they all knew this episode was a bad idea. Miami Vice was at its best when it was a cynical and downbeat show about the futility of the war on drugs. There’s really no reason for Miami Vice to ever do a science fiction-themed episode. Somehow, this is the second such episode to air during the fourth season.

Of course, the episode’s most unforgivable sin is that it ends with Trudy waking up in bed. Not only is that ending a cop out but it’s also pretty rude to anyone who was actually trying to follow the plot or who was actually worried about whether or not Trudy had been brainwashed by the aliens. Perhaps if this had been a Halloween episode, all of this could have been excused but apparently, this episode aired in the middle of November.

Poor Trudy. Seriously, Olivia Brown didn’t really get many episode built around her character. It’s a shame that, when they gave her one, it was this one. Next week on Miami Vice, who knows? I’m on vacation. We’ll see what happens!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.6 “God’s Work”

Posted on June 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After a two-week hiatus, the retro television reviews are back! Let’s start with Miami Vice.

Episode 4.6 “God’s Work”

(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on November 6th, 1987)

Father Ernesto Lupe (Daniel Lugo), an old friend of Castillo’s, runs an AIDS hospice in Miami. When Father Ernesto is shot and murdered, Castillo takes a particular interest in the case.

Was Father Ernesto shot by one of the neighborhood homophobes, the same punks who spend their free time spray-painting obscene graffiti on the front doors of the hospice?

Was Father Ernesto’s death connected to his brother-in-law, notorious drug lord Jorge Cruz (Alfonso Arau)? The Vice Squad has been investigating the Cruz family. Francesco (Franceso Quinn) is the brutish son, the one who enjoys throwing his weight around and who goes out of his way to bully everyone that he meets. Felipe (Esai Morales) is the young son, who has just returned from Miami after making a fortune as a stockbroker in New York. Is Felipe looking to take over the family business?

Actually, Felipe wants nothing to do with the family business. He’s returned to Miami because an ex-boyfriend is a patient at the AIDS hospice and Felipe wanted to spend time with him before he died. And Father Ernesto’s death had nothing to do with drugs. Instead, Jorge shot him because Jorge blamed Ernesto’s sermons, which stressed God’s love above all else, for being responsible for Felipe “becoming” gay. Even after Felipe explains that the sermons had nothing to do with it and that he’s always been gay, Jorge still thinks that he can “cure” his son by making him a part of the family business.

Yikes!

There was a lot going on in this episode. In fact, there was almost too much going on. Between Castillo investigating Ernesto’s death and Tubbs (working undercover) trying to arrest Franceso, this episode sometimes felt a bit overstuffed. It was still an effective episode, though, featuring good performances from Arau, Quinn, Morales, and Edward James Olmos. Castillo actually got to laugh at one point in this episode. I don’t think that’s ever happened before.

This episode did remind me — as I think almost every episode does — that Crockett and Tubbs undercover work has never made much sense. Tubbs spends the majority of the first half of the episode pretending to be a criminal looking to make a deal with Francisco. That’s fine. It even allows Tubbs to use his fake Caribbean accent. It’s been a while since we’ve heard that. But then, after Father Ernesto is shot, Tubbs shows up at the crime scene with his badge. Now, seriously, Father Ernesto is Francesco’s uncle. Francesco is a suspect in the murder. Why would Tubbs run the risk of blowing his cover like that? For that matter, why was Vice investigating a homicide?

Even when Vice is good, it often doesn’t make sense.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.5 “Child’s Play”

Posted on May 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Sonny is too quick to fire his gun.

Episode 4.5 “Child’s Play”

(Dir by Vern Gillum, originally aired on October 30th, 1987)

This is a dark, dark episode.

While breaking up what appears to be a case of domestic violence between Annette McAllister (Danitra Vance) and Walker Monroe (Ving Rhames), Sonny thinks that he spots someone holding a gun in the next room. Sonny fires through the wall, hitting a 13 year-old boy who Annette claims is her son, Jeffrey. While Jeffrey McCallister lies in a coma, a guilt-ridden Sonny starts to think about his ex-wife and their son, Billy. They live upstate and it’s been a while since Sonny visited. When Sonny does visit, he learns that his ex-wife’s fiancé wants to adopt Billy after the wedding.

Meanwhile, back in Miami, it turns out that there is no Jeffrey McAllister and that the boy who Sonny shot was actually a child soldier, recruited into a gang at an early age so that he couldn’t be sent to prison if arrested. It turns out that Walker and Annette are both involved in a gunrunning operation that is headed up by Holliday (Isaac Hayes). It all leads to one of those patented Miami Vice-style action sequences where Crockett, more or less, allows Walker to fall to his death. Sonny is definitely not in a good mood for the majority of this episode.

Child’s Play could have just as easily been titled The Don Johnson Emmy Submission Episode. This episode revolves entirely around Crockett and his feelings of guilt over shooting a child and also his fear of losing his son. Johnson does a pretty good job in this episode. Over the course of season 3 and the first few episodes of season 4, it really has sometimes seemed as if Crockett was losing his edge. This episode presents us with the return of self-destructive, end-of-his-rope Sonny and not even Johnson’s mullet can distract from the drama.

Thematically, this episode is pretty bleak. We never really learn much about the kid who was shot by Crockett, other than that he has a pretty sizable criminal record for a 13 year-old. By the end of the episode, he’s woken up from his coma but, assuming that he is capable of leaving the hospital, he’s still wanted on several murder charges. The kid basically has no future, even if he does make it to adulthood. Meanwhile, Sonny’s son is growing up without his father and, when Sonny does visit him, there’s really not much of a connection between the two of them.

In other words, everyone’s doomed. This was not a happy episode but, then again, Miami Vice was rarely a happy show.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.4 “The Big Thaw”

Posted on May 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I don’t even know how to describe this episode.

Episode 4.4 “The Big Thaw”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on October 23rd, 1987)

The Vice Squad raids a decrepit building, expecting to find drugs. Instead, they find a container that holds the frozen body of a dead reggae singer. Robillard Nevin died after eating a poisoned fish but his body was frozen so it could be thawed out once a cure had been found. Several different groups of people — including Nevin’s widow and, for some reason, Izzy — all want the body.

Wait …. what?

This is a Miami Vice episode? Miami Vice, as you may remember, is supposed to be a stylish and cynical show about two detective fighting a losing war against the Miami drug underworld. Miami Vice is the show that often ends with Crockett and Tubbs looking on in anger as they realize that all of their efforts have been for nothing. This is the show that often ends with a sympathetic character either getting shot or shooting someone else. This is the show in which there are no happy endings and every episode — at least in the past — seemed to conclude at the cost of Sonny Crockett’s soul ….

Well, you get my point.

What the Hell is this?

The fourth season of Miami Vice is off to an uneven start. That’s not a surprise. After four seasons, not every episode is going to be a winner. It happens to the best of shows. But, seriously, how did we go from Crockett and Tubbs driving in the middle of the night while Phil Collins sings In The Air Tonight to Crockett and Tubbs trying to protect a cryogenically frozen corpse? I guess the show was trying to keep things fresh by trying something new but this episode was just too ridiculous to work. Not even Tubbs bringing out his fake Caribbean accent could save this episode.

By the way, cryogenics and all that …. it doesn’t work! It’s waste of money! But, hey, whatever. Do what you want. It’s your life.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.3 “Death and the Lady”

Posted on May 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Vice Squad investigates the “other Hollywood” and some notable guest stars pop up.

Episode 4.3 “Death and the Lady”

(Dir by Colin Bucksey, originally aired on October 16th, 1987)

Painter-turned-filmmaker Milton Glantz (Paul Guilfoyle) is very proud to have received an Erotic Film Award for his latest movie, Death and the Lady. However, when Glantz receives his award, a man named Tulane Knox (Michael David Morrison) shouts that the violent murder that ends the film was real and that Glantz is a killer.

Knox is taken into custody by Gina and Trudy. Crockett doesn’t believe a word that Knox is saying. He’s convinced that it’s all just a publicity stunt to get people interested in the film. Crockett doesn’t have much use for all that art film mumbo jumbo. He lives on a boat with a crocodile named Elvis, after all. Actually, it’s been a while since we’ve seen Elvis. I hope he’s okay.

Still, Crockett investigates. He and Tubbs discover that the actress from the film — Lori Swann (Kelly Lynch) — is still alive and working in the movies. However, he also discovers that Lori and Glantz made another film, called Twins. That film featured Lori and a woman named Amy Ryder, who looked just like her. A conversation with Amy’s sister (Penelope Ann Miller) reveals that Amy hasn’t been seen for a while. Plus, Amy has terminal cancer….

Especially when compared to the previous two episodes, this episode felt more like classic Miami Vice, dark, moody, and fatalistic. It doesn’t take long for both the audience and Crockett to realize that Glantz murdered Amy for his film. (Amy’s dead eyes appear in Glantz’s film.) But the problem is that there’s no way for Crockett to prove it. The District Attorney (Miguel Ferrer, making an early appearance) refuses to bring charges without hard evidence. When Glantz taunts Crockett with the fact that he committed the perfect murder, Crockett snaps. He beats up Glantz but he doesn’t kill him. Crockett hasn’t crossed that line but, watching this episode, you get the feeling that it’s only a matter of time. But it doesn’t matter how many times Crockett throws a punch, Milton Glantz gets away with murder.

This was the Miami Vice of old, depressing, distressing, and very, very stylish.

(Plus, there’s a kitty in this episode! He is discovered in a cocaine dealer’s home and he’s given to Gina as a present. Even Castillo smiles when looks at the kitty. Awwww!)