Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.19 “Lost and Found/Dick Turpin’s Last Ride”

Posted on November 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, I really missed Tattoo.

Episode 7.19 “”Lost and Found/Dick Turpin’s Last Ride”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on April 7th,1984)

Stung by the discovery that her husband has cheated on her, Sheila McKenna (Carol Lynley) comes to Fantasy Island, looking for revenge. Her husband, Frank (Adam West), follows her and tries to save his marriage. Sheila is tempted to cheat with Frank’s business partner. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is there to show Frank the error of his ways and, for some reason, Sheila ends up forgiving him and they leave the Island with their marriage stronger than ever.

This storyline is one that I perhaps would have been more invested in if Sheila McKenna had not been played by Carol Lynley. Lynley was the most frequent guest star on Fantasy Island. She was never particularly memorable but, in this episode, she gives a performance that can only be described as bad. Delivering her lines without a hint of emotion (and forget about having any chemistry with West), Lynley comes across as if she under the influence of serious narcotics. I was genuinely worried about her health. I didn’t really care much about her marriage.

As for the other storyline, singer Tom Jones stars as mild-mannered accountant Jack Palmer. Palmer idolizes the legendary Welsh highwayman, Dick Turpin. Roarke sends him into the past so that he can actually be Dick Turpin. Tom Jones as Turpin sings almost all of his dialogue. Jack’s wife (Dianne Kay) is also sent into the past and is kidnapped by Sid Haig.

The Dick Turpin storyline was the sort of thing that Fantasy Island did well in the past. However, despite some surprisingly strong production values, it just kind of fell flat in this episode. A big problem is that this was the type of story that would have been perfect for Tattoo but, unfortunately, the show replaced Herve Villechaize with Christopher Hewett. I have nothing against Christopher Hewett. From what I’ve read, he was apparently a very devout Catholic who was loved by all. But the switch-over from Villechaize to Hewett was definitely the moment that Fantasy Island stopped being a fantasy to watch.

It’s hard to believe that I’m nearly done with this series. I’ve been reviewing it since 2022! It’s brought me a lot of joy but, as I make my way through the final episodes of season 7, I’m ready to finally move on.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.25 “The Dog Show: Putting on the Dog/Going to the Dogs/Women’s Best Friend/Whose Dog Is It Anyway?”

Posted on November 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come abroad, we’re expecting you….

Uhmm, maybe not this week, Love Boat.

Episode 6.25 “The Dog Show: Putting on the Dog/Going to the Dogs/Women’s Best Friend/Whose Dog Is It Anyway?”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 26th, 1983)

This week’s episode stressed me out.

The cruise line is co-sponsoring a dog show that is going to be held in Mexico. The dog that wins will not only receive $10,000 but will also become the new “face” of Honeycutt Dogfood. All the contestants bring their dogs onboard the ship and take the cruise to Mexico.

Seriously, imagine the scene. Hundreds of dogs on cruise ship, floating in the pool and running through the passageways — YIKES! I will admit that the majority of the dogs were cute. There was a white Samoyed dog named Tundra who was just adorable and who could do all sorts of tricks. But still, I spent the whole episode wondering what would happen if a dog accidentally jumped (or fell — oh my God!) overboard. What if one of the dogs had fleas and now, everyone on the boat had them too? Who was cleaning up after the dogs? And what about a passenger — like me, for instance — who wasn’t really a dog person and who bought a ticket without the knowledge that the ship itself would be home to hundreds of canines?

The storylines also made me anxious, just because none of them made much sense. (It was obvious that the main concern for this episode was getting as much cute dog footage as possible.) So, we had Isaac and Gopher buying Tundra from $8 but not realizing that she was a brilliant dog who could do hundreds of tricks. Isaac and Gopher sold the dog to the Captain and Vicki, just to then realize that Tundra was a sure winner in the dog show. Isaac and Gopher tried to convince the Captain to sell the dog back but it turned out the Captain already knew Tundra was a winner. Of course, as employees of the cruise line, neither Gopher nor Isaac nor Vicky should have been allowed to enter a dog in the show in the first place.

And then we had Isaac’s aunt Tanya (Isabel Sanford) running around with a Chihuahua while her husband (Mel Stewart) got jealous. And we had Pamela (Catherine Bach) realizing that Gary (Dirk Benedict) was the new owner of a dog that she had lost two years before. And then there was boozy Mrs. Honeycutt (Jo Anne Worley) boarding the ship and searching for her husband, not realizing that he wouldn’t be arriving until the ship reached Mexico. For his part, Mr. Honeycutt (Gordon Jump) spent most of this episode in Las Vegas with his secretary.

Finally, Harold Pack (Ray Buktencia), who worked in Honeycutt’s mailroom, boarded the boat with some forms from Mr. Honeycutt and was immediately mistaken for his boss. Pretending to be Mr. Honeycutt, Harold romanced a dog owner named Wendy (Heather Thomas). Imagine Wendy’s surprise when she learned Mrs. Honeycutt was on the boat and looking for her husband….

Oh God, I’m getting stressed just writing about all this.

Things worked out in the end. Mr. Honeycutt, having returned from Vegas, announced that there was a tie and all the dogs were winners! Harold protected Honeycutt’s secret and got promoted to Vice President. Pamela and Gary decided to own the dog together. Vicki got Tundra! Yay! I was happy about that. Tundra was adorable!

This episode was exhausting. Too many dogs, too many half-baked stories, too much overacting on the part of Isabel Sanford, it was just too much.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

Posted on November 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for a trip to 1984.

Episode 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 17th, 1984)

Wendy Collins (Robin Mattson) is a beautiful model who cannot overcome her trust issues. She fears that she might be frigid and she even resists Roarke’s attempts to make her fantasy of finding true love come true by setting her up with photographer (Rod McCrary). Wendy finally reveals the truth to Roarke. She grew up in a troubled home and, as a result, she has a hard time trusting people. She’s only had one lover and the lover was….

“An older man?” Roarke asks.

“A woman,” Wendy reveals.

The camera zooms in on Roarke looking shocked.

Welcome to 1984! Now, today, it’s pretty obvious what would happen. Wendy would fall in love with the photographer’s assistant, Carla (Renee Lippin), and she would realize that there was nothing wrong with that. But this episode aired in 1984, which means that Wendy has to find the courage to tell the photographer that her previous lover was a woman and that the photographer will then have to be willing to say that it doesn’t matter. Basically, Wendy’s fantasy is to be reassured that she’s straight despite having had one same-sex relationship.

Yes, well, hmmm …. hey, what’s going on in the other fantasy?

Arthur Crane (John Davidson) has a compulsive disorder that leads to him assuming other people’s identities. That’s quite a serious problem and Fantasy Island plays it for laughs. Roarke tells Lawrence to follow Arthur around the Island and to keep Arthur from taking on anyone else’s identity. Lawrence is terrible at his job. (Tattoo could have done it!) Arthur pretends to be a movie producer. Arthur pretends to be Mr. Roarke. (Okay, that did make me laugh.) Arthur pretends to be a doctor so Mr. Roarke zaps Arthur into an alternate universe where he is a doctor and he’s going to have to perform surgery on someone who has had a cerebral hemorrhage. Arthur points out that he doesn’t really have any medical skills or training.. Then he looks at the comatose patient and discovers that it’s ….. HIMSELF!

This storyline had potential but it was done in by some seriously bad acting and the fact that the fantasy was comedic so the viewer knows from the start that Arthur is not going to accidentally kill himself on the operating table.

This was a rather dated trip to the Island. The main theme seemed to be that Lawrence was thoroughly incompetent.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.14 “Lady of the house/Mrs. Brandell’s Favorites”

Posted on October 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Justice for Tattoo!

Episode 7.14 “Lady of the House/Mrs. Brandell’s Favorites”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on February 25th, 1984)

This was one of the Fantasy Island episode that was not on my DVR. However, now that the show is once again streaming in its entirety on Tubi, I was still able to watch it. Lucky me.

This is probably the worst episode of Fantasy Island that I’ve ever seen.

This episode gets off to a bad start with Mr. Roarke informing Lawrence that there will only be one guest with a fantasy this week. That guest is Esther Brandell (Polly Bergen). Whenever there’s only one guest and that guest is played by a middle-aged actress who was big in the 50s and the 60s, you know you’re about to spend an hour watching an hour of awkward melodrama that you’re supposed to excuse by saying, “She was great in Kisses For My President!”

Mrs. Brandell says that she’s a former sorority house mother who wants her three favorite sorority girls to be her bridesmaids at her wedding. Actually, Mrs. Brandell was a former madam and the three “sorority girls” all worked for her. Bebe (Lauren Tewes), Coleen (Randi Oakes), and Lynn (Shelley Smith) have all moved on and want to keep their past a secret. Over the course of the episode, each will admit the truth to their current partner and each will realize that Mrs. Brandell really did protect and care about them.

This episode basically features the same scene over and over again. Each of the girls works up the courage (or the anger) to admit that they were once a prostitute. Their significant other reacts. One guy tries to blackmail Mrs. Brandell. Another reveals that he knew all along because “I’m an investigative reporter.” Bebe’s idiot boyfriend (Dick Gautier) refuses to believe Bebe and insists that she sleep with another man for money so that he’ll be convinced. What? Bebe realizes that’s not her lifestyle anymore and she really does love her idiot boyfriend, the same one who pimped her out to some random guy on the Island.

And, through the whole thing, Polly Bergen delivers her lines in a voice that sounds like she just finished smoking a pack of cigarettes. The truth of the matter is that Bergen is absolutely lousy in the role but the script is probably as much to blame as Bergen herself. Every scene feels like it’s been cribbed from an old Barbra Stanwyck melodrama. At the end of the episode, the vice cop (Robert Brown) who used to bust her shows up at the wedding. “Everybody freeze!” he says. Oh, thank God, everyone’s getting busted for overacting. Oh wait — Mrs. Brandell (a widow) is marrying him!

The episode ends with the wedding, which would be touching if any of these characters were actually interesting. Lawrence gives away the bride because I guess they had do something to justify paying Christopher Hewett’s salary.

This was not a good trip to the Island. Is this season over yet?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.16 “Doc’s Big Case/Senior Sinners/A Booming Romance”

Posted on September 10, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love won’t hurt anymore….

Episode 6.16 “Doc’s Big Case/Senior Sinners/A Booming Romnace”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

As usual, this episode has three stories. However, this week, only one of the stories really works.

Dr. Elliott Norton (James Noble) attended medical school with Doc. He is a world-renowned surgeon who has written a best-selling book and, as soon as he boards the boat, ol’ Doc Bricker starts to feel insecure. It’s easy to see why. Dr. Norton performs life-saving surgery on a daily basis. Doc Bricker helps people recover from severe sun tan. The fact that everyone on board wants Norton’s autograph doesn’t help. Vicki is supposed to be writing a report on Doc but even Doc is like, “You should probably do it on Elliott.”

However, when a little girl (played by Tori Spelling, in what must have been one of the first roles that Aaron Spelling demanded she be cast in) asks Doc to diagnose what’s wrong with her doll, Bricker quickly figures out that both the doll and the girl are depressed because they’re not spending enough time with their father. Norton may be getting the groupies but Doc Bricker gets invited to a tea party with the girl, her father, and the doll.

I’m sorry, are you smirking?

Okay, it is pretty silly. Normally, I would smirk too but you know what? Bernie Kopell really makes this story work. In many ways, Doctor Adam Bricker was a bit of silly character, a supposed swinger who always came across as being rather mild-mannered and kind of conservative. But Bernie Kopell was so likable in the role that it didn’t matter that the character often didn’t make much sense. In this episode, Kopell does such a good job of playing up the character’s insecurities and regrets that my heart actually broke for the poor guy. Was the tea party silly? Yes. But I still cheered when he was invited.

As for the other two stories, one featured Raymond St. Jacques and Theresa Merritt playing an elderly couple who were living together without being married. Their children (played Brian Stokes Mitchell and Thelma Hopkins) were scandalized! It was pretty boring. The children weren’t particularly likable so I was kind of hoping the parents would just toss them overboard.

The final story …. I don’t even know how to describe it other than to say it was dumb. Ross (Alan Young) wants to impress Kathy (Holland Taylor) and keep her from running off with Bob (Adam West, who was severely underused). So, Ross builds a fake bomb, hides it in the engine room, pretends to discover it, and then defuses it while Kathy watches. I mean, how am I supposed to care about someone who would do something that stupid? And then, when Ross confesses the truth to her, Kathy laughs it off and forgives him. I mean, it seems like he’s an obvious sociopath to me. Run, Kathy, run!

This was an uneven episode but seriously, the story with Doc Bricker got to me. This show was very lucky to have Bernie Kopell.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

Posted on September 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard! We’re expecting you….

Episode 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 15th, 1983)

First off, before I do anything else, I want to thank Case for covering the last three episodes of The Love Boat for me. The previous month was not an easy one for me or my family and having Case, Brad, and Jeff helping me out with my television reviews really helped out. Thanks, guys. You all did a wonderful job!

As far as this episode goes, I know there’s one question that is on everyone’s mind:

Julie appeared to be moderately coked-up in this episode, though not as much as usual. I’d say on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale, this episode was right in the middle. Five out of ten.

Julie actually had a bit to do during this episode. Captain Donahue (McLean Stevenson) was on the ship, technically so that he could watch and learn from Captain Stubing. Gopher, however, suspected that Donahue was planning on replacing Stubing as the captain of the Pacific Princess. Gopher, Julie, Doc, Isaac, and Vicki all decided to pretend to be crazy in order to convince Donahue to stay away from the Pacific Princess. Julie, for instance, started to obsessively practice her “welcome aboard” greeting. I’m not sure what was so crazy about that. As far as I can tell, Julie’s entire job consists of greeting people when they board the ship. It seems like it would be a good idea to get some practice in. Still, Donahue is freaked out enough that he backs off from trying to steal Stubing’s position. Captain Stubing is relieved and so is the rest of the crew. Maybe they came across an episode of Hello, Larry and realized what was in store for them if McLean Stevenson became the new captain.

Julie also served as an advisor to Mary Frances Bellflower (Shelley Fabares), who boarded the ship with two suitors. Ben Phillips (Frank Bonner) and Henry Greg (Arte Johnson) spent the cruise bickering over who would make the best husband for Mary Frances. Mary Frances assumed that the two men only cared about her because she was rich and she owned a valuable foxhound. However, by the end of the cruise, Mary Frances realized that both of the men sincerely loved her. She promised Julie that she would return to the ship in the future with the man she had chosen. Julia, her nose red, suggested that Mary Frances give bigamy a try. Everyone had a good laugh.

Finally, Doc arranged for his old friend, Erica Dupont (Jenilee Harrison), to get a job serving drinks on the cruise. Erica, the daughter of an autoworker, needed the job so that she could help pay for her wedding to Robert Wallingford (Stephen Shortridge). Erica confessed that Robert and his parents both thought she was rich because her last name was Dupont. Erica immediately got to work serving drinks but — oh no! — Robert’s snooty parents (William Windom and Jane Wyatt) just happened to be on the cruise! Erica tried to avoid them but eventually, they saw Erica sharing a friendly dance with Doc and they got the wrong idea. They called Robert, who flew down to Mexico to meet the boat. Erica finally confessed that, while her last name was Dupont, that did not make her a Du Pont. The Wallingfords were disappointed to learn that Erica was not related to future murderer John du Pont. Still, Robert forgave Erica and I guess they got married after the cruise. Who knows? I would think that starting an engagement with a lie would be a problem for most people but whatever.

This cruise was mildly enjoyable. Jenilee Harrison and Bernie Kopell had a likable chemistry and it was hard not to feel that Erica should have just dumped Robert and declared her love for Doc. As for everyone acting crazy to fool McLean Stevenson, you could tell that the regulars were having fun. The storyline about Mary Frances and her two suitors was fairly weak but the other two stories made up for it.

I’m glad that I came aboard.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.8 “Random Choices/My Mommy, The Swinger”

Posted on September 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have two more fantasies that do not feature Tattoo. What even is the point?

Episode 7.8 “Random Choices/My Mommy, The Swinger”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on December 3rd, 1983)

Elaine Ashley (Florence Henderson) is divorced and raising two kids on her own. Her fantasy is to be a swinger for the weekend! Mr. Roarke arranges for Lawrence to watch the kids and then he sets Elaine up with tennis player Martin Avery (Robert Goulet). While Lawrence attempts to explain to the kids why their mother doesn’t want them around for the weekend, Martin offers Elaine a job. It’s a good job with a nice salary but it would require her to put her children in a boarding school. On the plus side, I guess Elaine would finally get laid again since that seems to be her main concern. On the negative side, no more kids.

Elaine is tempted. In fact, Elaine is so tempted that it actually make her into a really unsympathetic character. At first, Elaine takes the job but then, when she sees how upset her children are about no longer living with her, she changes her mind. Hey, Elaine — how did you think the children would react!?

This fantasy irked me. Of course, to be absolutely honest about things, Florence Henderson irks me in general. Maybe I’m still holding the last episode of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour against her but, whenever Florence Henderson appeared on this show or on The Love Boat, the characters she played always came across as being judgmental and self-absorbed. That’s certainly the case here. You take your children to a tropical paradise and then you abandon them with the butler? Really?

As for the other fantasy, it featured Jose Ferrer as a dying billionaire who needed to find someone who he could trust to give away his money to people who deserved it. Roarke determined that person was Eddie Random (James Read), an angry young man who felt his father had been cheated by Ferrer’s tycoon. The entire fantasy came down to Eddie proving himself by taking supplies to an Island and helping a crotchety old man come to terms with the death of his wife.

This second fantasy felt like a backdoor pilot. It literally ended with Eddie and the billionaire leaving to have many more adventures. As such, the fantasy itself felt rather incomplete and …. well, silly. Why would the tycoon need Fantasy Island to help him find the right person to give away his money? Why does he even need a person to do that? He should have just arranged for a big scavenger hunt and whoever found the most items would get the money. That would have been a lot more fun.

You know who always enjoyed fantasies dealing with money? Tattoo. I miss him.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”

Posted on August 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Lawrence ruins everything.

Episode 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on November 26th, 1983)

Ugh, this episode.

Nerdy Fred Connors (Richard Gilliland) wants to spend a weekend alone with a beautiful woman. His favorite supermodel, Christy Robbins (Phyllis Davis), has been pressured by her manager (Steve Perry) into agreeing to spend the weekend with Fred at Pelican Cove. Fred and Christy will have their picture taken before and after their weekend together to show just how much spending time alone with Christy Robbins will improve one’s outlook on life.

Let’s just stop here and state the obvious. This makes ZERO sense. Christy’s manager has no idea who Fred is. He doesn’t even meet Fred until it’s time to him and Christy to go to Pelican Cove. Christy is a world-famous model. In what world would a celebrity agree to be abandoned on an isolated island with a total stranger? The photographers aren’t staying on the island with them. Instead, Christy and Fred are dropped off on the island and then everyone else leaves. If I was Christy, I would get a new manager.

A rival model named Celina Morgan (Shannon Tweed) was also up for the “abandoned on an island with a possible sex maniac” gig and she’s upset that she lost out to Christy. So, she sneaks out to Pelican Bay herself and soon, she and Christy are fighting over the right to spend their time with Fred. It’s dumb and it makes no sense and, considering that the whole fantasy is basically two beautiful woman fighting over one dorky guy, it’s actually feels a bit demeaning and mean-spirited.

Of course, it’s nowhere near as mean-spirited as the other fantasy. Lucy Gorman (Jeannie Wilson) is unhappy in her marriage to Dr. Jack Gorman (Gordon Thomson). She tells Roarke that the only good thing that came out of her marriage was her daughter (Andrea Barber) but Lucy even feels jealous of her! Lucy wants to go back to her wedding day so she can see what would happen if she left her husband at the altar and pursued another doctor (Richard Pierson).

Well, the main that would happen is that Lucy’s daughter would never be born. But somehow, this doesn’t occur to Lucy until the fantasy has started. How would that not occur to a mother? This fantasy was …. I can’t even begin to describe how annoying it was. Lucy came across as being very self-centered and kind of dumb.

I swear, the seventh season has just been terrible so far and I blame one person.

And, no, it’s not Mr. Roarke.

Seriously, ever since Lawrence showed up, the Island just hasn’t been the same. Are we sure that Lawrence isn’t the Devil? I mean, I know the Devil was traditionally played by Roddy McDowall on this show but I’m sure he change his appearance. There’s something sinister about Lawrence and I don’t trust him. He doesn’t care about Roarke and he doesn’t care about the fantasies.

What a disappointing trip to the Island. Traditionally, the last season of any show is usually the worst but it’s still painful to watch Fantasy Island misfire like it did with this episode.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the tyranny of Laurence continues.

Episode 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 15th, 1983)

Shelley James (Melinda Culea) is a high-priced call girl who comes to Fantasy Island looking for an escape from her life. For one weekend, she wants not only a normal life but also a chance to meet a man who will love her without paying her for sex. Luckily, Brad Jacobs (Richard Hatch) is also on the Island!

This is the type of fantasy that Fantasy Island handled well in the past. It doesn’t work out quite as well this episode became Mr. Roarke’s new servant (there’s no other word for him), Laurence, makes some rather snarky and judgmental comments about Shelly and her profession (asking at one point whether she’s on the Island for a fantasy or to give someone a fantasy) and it just feels totally wrong. One of the good things about Fantasy Island was that Roarke never judged the people asking for fantasies. He may have warned them about what they would discover. Sometimes, he manipulated them to help them discover something important about themselves. But once you were allowed to come to the Island, Roarke didn’t judge you and neither did Tattoo. In fact, Tattoo was probably even less judgmental than Roarke. Tattoo knew what it was like to be judged. Laurence, on the other hand, is a snooty British butler and seems personally offended by Shelley’s presence on the Island. (Eventually, after she shares her tragic backstory, he comes around but still, it shouldn’t take a sad story to get people to treat each other with decency.) Laurence is the type of employee who would keep me from wanting to visit the Island. I fear he would tell me that my skirt was too short or something.

As for the other fantasy, Laura Walter (Katharine Helmond) feels that her husband George Walter (Vic Tayback) is a chauvinist and she’s right. She wants him to experience what it’s like to be a woman so Roarke arranges for them to switch bodies. Laura is in George’s body and George is in Laura’s body but for some reason, the show dubs their voices so, whenever George speaks, we hear Laura’s voice and whenever Laura speaks, we hear George’s voice. It’s a bit awkward. Why would their voice switch too? Anyway, Laura discovers that women tend to toss themselves at George and George discovers that his business partner is a lech.

It’s the final season and final seasons often feel uninspired. That was certainly the case with this episode. Even the reliable Ricardo Montalban seemed bored with it all. In the end, it’s just not as much fun without Herve Villechaize around.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mom Along/Cold Feet”

Posted on April 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, horror royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mother Along/Cold Feet”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 20th, 1982)

For this week, and this week only, there’s a new member of the Love Boat crew. Charlene Glover (Shirley Hemphill) is a nurse who has been sent to give every member of the crew a physical in order to make sure that it’s safe for them to work on a cruise ship. Isaac panics because he has high blood pressure and he worries that he’s going to lose his job as a result. This would seem like a good opportunity for the show to share some tips on what to do if you suffer from high blood pressure but instead, the whole storyline is a smitten Charlene chasing Isaac and Isaac trying to change his medical records. It was a bit mean-spirited since most of the laughs came from the idea of Isaac having to get romantic with someone who was overweight in order to keep his job.

(That said, take your blood pressure seriously, everyone. My Dad had high blood pressure his entire life and it was not easy for him.)

Speaking of mean-spirited, Carter Randall (Richard Dean Anderson) is engaged to marry Muffy (Linda Blair …. yes, that Linda Blair) but he’s getting cold feet. So, he starts leaving her messages and making phone calls to her in which he speaks with a fake Southern accent. There are three Texans on the boat and Carter is pretending to be one of them, hoping that Muffy will fall in love with this imaginary person and then break off their marriage …. WHAT A JERK! And yet, somehow, this plan causes Carter to realize how much he does love Muffy and Muffy is totally forgiving when the truth comes out. Seriously, that’s not the Linda Blair that we all know from such classic films as Savage Streets and Chained Heat! What the heck, Linda?

(I should also mention that Carter’s attempt at a Texas accent was terrible. In fact, none of the actors playing the Texans had a convincing accent. For shame, Love Boat, for shame!)

Finally, Millicent (Betsy Palmer) boards the boat with her daughter, Debbie (Connie Needham). Debbie introduces Millicent to her boyfriend and it turns out that Debbie’s dating some guy who is at least twenty years old than her. In fact, Ted (Gene Barry) is so old that he used to date Millicent! Wow, creepy! Anyway, Millicent and Ted realize that they’re still in love so sorry, Debbie. Ted even says he fell in love with Debbie because she reminded him of Millicent. Somehow, Debbie learns all of this without jumping overboard.

As a horror fan, I enjoyed this episode. Gene Barry was in War of the Worlds. Linda Blair was in The Exorcist. Betsy Palmer was the original Mrs. Voorhies. They really should have aired this episode in October. The stories were terrible but I simply can’t resist an episode that featured this much horror royalty.