Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma.  What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp.  All of the players are excited to see him.  At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise.  He’s the face of the team!  When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an acquittal touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker.  Where was he last season?  The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker.  I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room.  The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon.  Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him.  Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it.  Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field.  Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH!  T.D. looks confused.  He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee.  (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.)  Bryce is done for the season.  Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup.  That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise.  They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests.  Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s.  There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining.  That’s doesn’t mean it was good.  1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good.  But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine.  Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season.  It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings.  That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows?  I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.9 “Rain”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, a famous face shows up in the ER!

Episode 1.9 “Rain”

(Dir by Victor Hsu, originally aired on January 3rd, 1983)

Last night, after writing my review of Goodfellas, I watched the ninth episode of St. Elsewhere and there was Ray Liotta!

Liotta played Murray, a young man who came into the ER with a deep cut on his back.  Orderly Luther took one look at him and decided that he was a member of the same gang who mugged Fiscus a few episodes ago.  Luther then told Fiscus right before Fiscus was due to stitch Murray up.  Murray was indeed rude but Fiscus wasn’t particularly polite to him.  Fiscus didn’t stich up Murray’s wound but he did pull his gun on him.  Murray fled the ER and, after knocking over several doctors who were in his way, he jumped out of a window and escaped from St. Eligius.

As for Fiscus, he got a stern talking to from Dr. Westphall.  Westphall ordered Fiscus to get rid of the gun and told him that if he ever brought a weapon to work again, his residency would come to an end.  Fiscus agreed to not bring the gun to the ER anymore but he later told Dr. Chandler that he was terrified for his life.  I’ve been critical of Howie Mandel’s performance on this show but he actually did a pretty good job in this episode.  He was able to hold his own while sharing the screen with Denzel Washington.  That’s quite an accomplishment.

While Dr. Westphall yelled at Fiscus, Dr. Craig yelled at Ehrlich for spraining his pinkie while playing handball.  Dr. Craig demands to know how Ehrlich will ever make it as a surgeon if he doesn’t protect his hands.  Ehrlich spends the entire day trying to protect his hands and he continually fails.  (Ehrlich’s a bit of a klutz.)  Finally, Ehrlich storms into Craig’s office and interrupts a meeting to announce that he’s going to continue to play handball.  Craig shrugs and dismissively says, “He’s from California.”

As for the rest of this episode, it took place over one very long and rainy day.  Peter is still struggling as both a doctor and a husband.  When his daughter (a very young Candace Cameron Bure) was rushed to the hospital after eating mothballs, Peter blamed his wife and his wife blamed Peter.  Returning home from the hospital, Peter nearly hit his wife after she tossed his dinner on the floor.  It was scary to watch.  I’m getting a bad feeling about what’s going to happen with this marriage.

Dr. Morrison made the mistake of making a house call and soon, he discovered himself constantly being called by Mr. Lukovic (George Morfogen) whenever any of Lukovic’s neighbors were taken ill.  Morrison kept telling Lukovic to take his friends to the hospital but Lukovic talked about how, in the past, doctors would always make house calls.  When Morrison finally refused to go to Lukovic’s building, Lukovic brought his neighbor to the hospital.  The neighbor was in cardiac arrest but Morrison managed to get his heart beating again.  Rather than be thankful, Lukovic blamed Morrison for not responding to his call.  Morrison lost his temper and told Lukovic that he couldn’t keep living in the past.  “I will not call you again,” Lukovic replied.  Roll the end credits!

This was a pretty good episode, one that not only answered the question of why doctors don’t make housecalls but also which featured Ray Liotta being tough and dangerous.  There were a few annoying scenes involving the guy who thinks that he’s a bird but otherwise, this was a well-done and rainy hour.