Guilty Pleasure No. 81: The Replacements (dir by Howard Deutch)


2000’s The Replacements finds America in crisis!

With the season already underway, football players are going on strike!  They want better contracts.  They want more money.  They want …. well, they want a lot of stuff.  Meanwhile, the fans just want to know who is going to make the playoffs.  There are only four games left in the season and the Washington Sentinels need to win three of them to make it into the playoffs.  The owner of the team (Jack Warden) recruits burned-out coach McGinty (Gene Hackman) to take over a team that will  be made up of replacement players.  McGinty says that he wants to pick his own players and he doesn’t want any interference from the team’s owner.  Anyone want to guess how long that’s going to last?

McGinty’s team is made up of the usual collection of quirky misfits who show up in movies like this.  Tight End Brian Murphy (David Denman, who later played Roy on The Office) is deaf.  One of the offensive linemen is a former SUMO wrestler.  Orlando Jones plays a receiver who has a day job at a grocery store.  The kicker (Rhys Ifan) is a Welsh soccer player.  (Okay, a footballer, I don’t care, call it whatever you want.)  Jon Favreau plays a berserk defender who is a member of the police force.  Leading them on the field is Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves), a quarterback with a confidence problem.  Cheering for them from the sidelines and falling in love with Shane is bar owner-turned-head-cheerleader Annabelle (Brooke Langton).  Backing up Annabelle is a cheer squad made up of former strippers, the better to distract the other teams.

It’s not often you see a film where the heroes cross a picket line but that’s what happens with The Replacements.  Then again, it’s not like the folks on strike are driving trucks or unloading freight for a living.  They’re multi-millionaires who want even more money and don’t even care about whether the team wins or loses.  When the replacement players actually start to win games and become beloved in the city, the striking players react by starting a bar brawl.  In the end, striking quarterback Eddie Martell (Brett Cullen) doesn’t even stick with his principles.  He crosses the picket line and creates a quarterback controversy, just in time for the last game of the season.

The Replacements is thoroughly predictable but also very likable.  The cast gels nicely, with Hackman especially standing out as the gruff but caring coach.  Keanu Reeves is not totally believable as a quarterback with a confidence problem.  You take one look at Reeves and you don’t believe he’s had an insecure day in his life.  But, as an actor, he’s so likable that it doesn’t matter.  The same goes for the entire cast, whether they’re on the playing field or singing I Will Survive in jail.  I don’t particularly care much about football but I did enjoy The Replacements.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

  1. Half-Baked
  2. Save The Last Dance
  3. Every Rose Has Its Thorns
  4. The Jeremy Kyle Show
  5. Invasion USA
  6. The Golden Child
  7. Final Destination 2
  8. Paparazzi
  9. The Principal
  10. The Substitute
  11. Terror In The Family
  12. Pandorum
  13. Lambada
  14. Fear
  15. Cocktail
  16. Keep Off The Grass
  17. Girls, Girls, Girls
  18. Class
  19. Tart
  20. King Kong vs. Godzilla
  21. Hawk the Slayer
  22. Battle Beyond the Stars
  23. Meridian
  24. Walk of Shame
  25. From Justin To Kelly
  26. Project Greenlight
  27. Sex Decoy: Love Stings
  28. Swimfan
  29. On the Line
  30. Wolfen
  31. Hail Caesar!
  32. It’s So Cold In The D
  33. In the Mix
  34. Healed By Grace
  35. Valley of the Dolls
  36. The Legend of Billie Jean
  37. Death Wish
  38. Shipping Wars
  39. Ghost Whisperer
  40. Parking Wars
  41. The Dead Are After Me
  42. Harper’s Island
  43. The Resurrection of Gavin Stone
  44. Paranormal State
  45. Utopia
  46. Bar Rescue
  47. The Powers of Matthew Star
  48. Spiker
  49. Heavenly Bodies
  50. Maid in Manhattan
  51. Rage and Honor
  52. Saved By The Bell 3. 21 “No Hope With Dope”
  53. Happy Gilmore
  54. Solarbabies
  55. The Dawn of Correction
  56. Once You Understand
  57. The Voyeurs 
  58. Robot Jox
  59. Teen Wolf
  60. The Running Man
  61. Double Dragon
  62. Backtrack
  63. Julie and Jack
  64. Karate Warrior
  65. Invaders From Mars
  66. Cloverfield
  67. Aerobicide 
  68. Blood Harvest
  69. Shocking Dark
  70. Face The Truth
  71. Submerged
  72. The Canyons
  73. Days of Thunder
  74. Van Helsing
  75. The Night Comes for Us
  76. Code of Silence
  77. Captain Ron
  78. Armageddon
  79. Kate’s Secret
  80. Point Break

A Blast From The Past: Testing Dirty (dir by Lynn Hamrick)


Our regularly scheduled review of Degrassi High will not be posted tonight so that we can bring you this special presentation.

My Retro Television Reviews will return on Monday but for now, check out this 1990 program called Testing Dirty!  In this short film, Christopher Daniel Barnes (best known for playing Greg Brady in The Brady Bunch Movie) is a high school athlete who tests positive for drugs despite not using them.  As he tries to clear his name, the adults in his community debate whether or not random drug tests are actually fighting or helping the problem.  That’s an important topic but, for the most part, this film is best-known for a cameo appearance by Adam Sandler as a drug dealer.

And now, without further ado …. it’s time for Testing Dirty!

Retro Television Reviews: Acting Sheriff 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Acting Sheriff, which aired on CBS in 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Who is Brent McCord?

Why, he’s the acting sheriff!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Michael Lembeck, originally aired on August 17th, 1991)

At a small country jail in North Carolina, the staff is waiting the arrival of the new sheriff.

Dispatcher Helen Munson (Ruth Kobart) is grumpy and sarcastic, as all older characters were required to be in 1990s sitcoms.

Deputy Judith Mahoney (Diane Delano) is a blonde badass who can’t wait to enforce the law and lock up every criminal that she sees, despite the fact that there aren’t many criminals to be found in this small, rural county.

Deputy Mike Swanson (John Putch) is the smart, responsible deputy who ran for sheriff in the last election but lost, despite his years of hard work and his likability.

Who is the new sheriff?  Why, he’s Brent McCord (Robert Goulet), a former Hollywood star who went from starring in films like Get Al Capone and A Fistful of Courage to appearing in books with titles like Where Are They Now?  Brent once was a huge star but, after several failed television shows and a handful of divorces, he has returned home and …. run for sheriff, for some reason.

When he does show up at the jail, Brent swaggers around like John Wayne and says things like, “Is the slime infecting the streets waiting for me?”  Brent McCord doesn’t know anything about being a county sheriff but he does know how to act like a character in a movie.  He walks into the station, draws his gun, and accidentally fires it.

Deputy District Attorney Donna Singer (Hilary B. Smith) is not happy about the new sheriff.  She tells him that, “Someone should put a tent over you and charge admission!”  She’s even less happy when a banker robber (Lee Tergesen) escapes from the jail, largely due to the sheriff’s incompetence.  Fortunately, Deputy Mike remembers a scene from Get Al Capone where McCord’s character recaptured a bank robber by leaving more money around for him to steal.  Following the same strategy, Mike recaptures the bank robber but he allows Sheriff McCord to have all the credit.  Mike’s a good guy who doesn’t hold a grudge over a silly thing like losing an election to a B-actor.

This pilot, which was produced by Disney for CBS, aired once and that was it.  It didn’t lead to anymore episodes and, watching the pilot, it’s easy to see why.  The pilot struggles to combine the relatively realistic portrayal of a county jail with the over-the-top performance of Robert Goulet.  Occasionally, Goulet will get a laugh by delivering his pompous lines in the most self-serious manner possible.  But, far too often, the character is so cartoonish that the other actors don’t seem to know how to keep up with Goulet’s hammy performance.  (At times, Goulet seems to be copying William Shatner’s technique without any of Shatner’s charm.)  Probably the biggest problem is that pilot fails to answer the most obvious question that one would have while watching the show.  Why did Brent McCord run for sheriff?  Does he want to do a good job or was he just bored?  Does he care about the county or did he just want to see his name in the newspapers?  Is he well-intentioned or just buffoonish?  The pilot doesn’t seem to know and, as a result, audiences would never find out.

 

Quick Horror Film Review: The Blob (1988 Version – Dir. by Chuck Russell)


The Year was 1988.

My father was working in a precinct in Manhattan, and on occasion, my family would have to drive into the city to either get his check or help him file / retrieve something there. Whenever we went to Manhattan, we always saw something grand, like the “Ghost Building” which was shimmered in white light (this was actually Rockefeller Center, but my little sister, brother and I never knew). We once even saw the ’89 Batmobile tear through the city on it’s way to deliver the video release of Tim Burton’s Batman to the Tower Records uptown.

At a stop light, right by the Flatiron Building, I happened to glance around at some of the construction scaffolds. They always put movie posters on there, and I’d squint to see what was coming out soon. That’s when it caught my eye, a pink poster that looked like someone was swimming underwater. We got a little closer as my dad had to make a turn and I was then able to make it out.

“Oh no.”, I muttered, scrunching down in my seat. “They redid it.” All my childhood fears came flooding up in a wave of memories.

I once saw Larry Hagman’s Beware! The Blob (alternately known as Son of Blob) when I was really little. The idea that a gooey mass could squeeze under doors and through window cracks and anywhere there was a space freaked me out. This wasn’t Michael Meyers looking for his sister, or Jason Vorhees guarding Crystal Lake. There was no reasoning my little mind could use to feel better about it. Add to the fact it was only bothered by the cold, it made every summer a secret “look over the shoulder” one. When I attended my first bowling match for fun in college, I’ll admit I hesitated to step out into the bowling alley, if only for a second.

I never saw the movie in the theatre. I got so caught up in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and everyone talked about Die Hard so much that The Blob became something of a blip to the school kids (from what I remember), but it remembered. I read the poster, and kept tabs on the writer’s names – Frank Darabont and Chuck Russell, who both went on to interesting projects over the years.

Okay, enough about my history with The Blob, let’s dig into the film, which is quite possibly one of the best remakes I’ve ever seen. It hits all of the notes of the original while setting down the groundwork for new directions when some fresh ideas. It’s not perfect, but it’s damn good.

The Blob is a re-telling of the classic 1958 film with Steve McQueen, only this time, Chuck Russell (The Mask) and Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Mist) brought Kevin Dillon and Shawnee Smith aboard. It’s the story of a small town that receives a strange visitor from outer space in the form of a gelatenous mass inside of a meteor. When an old man gets a little too curious with a yard stick, it jumps out on and onto his hand. Needless to say, if you ever see anything fall from the sky, please, don’t go running to check it out. It never really ends well. At least, I’ve never heard of it doing so.

Anyway, like the original, the old man is found by the Gallant Hero (Donovan Leitch) and Heroine (Smith), who put him in their car and head to the local hospital. This results in the death of the old man, but also a twist in that the Gallant Hero is also killed / absorbed by the Blob. Shawnee’s character tries to save him, but to no avail. She’s should consider herself lucky that she made it through okay. While I didn’t see this in the theatre, I always wondered what effect that might have had on the audience. I mean, here you had the would be hero of the story and he’s taken out of the picture in the first act. That had to be amazing, I think.

As with the original, the Blob makes its way to the main part of town by way of the sewer, heading into the local movie theatre. Before getting there, there’s a interesting scene where Meg and Flagg (Dillon) – the bad boy turned reluctant hero – run into the Blob in a diner and hide in a nearby refrigerator. Rather than go with the classic “solidify it all in one piece”, Darabont and Russell decided to make the Blob’s freezing effect more like pieces of quartz. I thought this made things all the more scary – how could one really tell that all of it was ever collected while it was frozen?

One has to feel just a little sorry for Candy Clarke’s character. You run into a phone booth to make a phone call, only to have slime run down the sides. To top it off, you try to make a phone call for the local sheriff (played by Darabont favorite Jeffrey DeMunn from all of his films and The Walking Dead), and as if it answered for her, the Blob puts his decaying face right on the phone booth window. Another twist thrown in the remake is the death of a child. Usually in horror movies, kids are usually spared. Usually. Not so here, and it just adds to the horror of things. No one’s safe unless you’re walking around with some liquid nitrogen, and it’s not like that’s in great supply.

Eventually, we come to find – thanks to a lot of men in white suits and Crossroads Joe Seneca – that the Blob was actually man made, and it’s the scientists fault it came back the way it did. What I found interesting about that was the idea that they felt they had to burn it. Didn’t anyone think of bringing something cold? I mean, they’re scientists. Someone in the group had to have that idea at some point. Anyway, this all ends with a huge battle in the middle of a busy street and the townsfolk hiding in the municipal hall. Meg and Flagg do find a way to get everything fixed, but (as with many horror movies), we’re left with the promise of another sequel.

Overall, I loved The Blob. There’s very little I can find wrong with it, given that the source material was never really Oscar worthy to begin with. This was just a sit down for the adult in me, grab your popcorn and enjoy the film.

The kid in me prefers to watch this in a very cold room, just in case.