In the past, I have always taken the opportunity on Halloween to feature some song or compilation respectful towards the pagan roots of the holiday. Halloween is, after all, a celebration of all those things traditionally taboo in a society which derives its moral perspective from Christianity.
Not this year. In honor of the late, great Dave Brockie, who passed away earlier this year, I offer you the grand finale of the most epic B-side horror-comedy album in the history of heavy metal. On Beyond Hell, GWAR are forced to retreat underground when their fortress in Antarctica is nuked and overrun by a global military task force (“War is All We Know”). They happen to stumble their way into Hell, and decide to spend their time in exile overthrowing Satan and claiming his armies to reconquer Earth. “The One That Will Not Be Named” is their final confrontation with Satan:
We’ve crossed creviced chasms vast,
And endless plains of unshaven ass.
Our time in Hell draws to the last!
We call upon the Master of the Pit:
“Have you got a toilet? I must take a shit!”
“Open your gates, Lord of Hate,”
“Or your front porch is gonna get it!”
“Very well, I’ll use my sword.”
“It’s very good as smashing doors.”
“We call you out!”
“Overrated Overlord!”
The root of all evil and hatred and shame,
So many victims, so many names,
But they are all the same.
“Ereshkigal!”
“Charun!”
“Helel ben-Shachar!”
“Lucifer! Satan! We know who you are!”
He is the one who will not be named
He is the one who will not be blamed
The realm of the sun we have left far behind,
And damned in the darkness we’ve groped with the blind.
Cannot remember time.
“We summon the Lord of Hell”
“So come forth now! I have your smell!”
“Cologne?! Cheap shit, and lots of it!”
He is the one who will not be named
He is the one who will not be blamed
He is the one that is turning the screws
The Lord of the Underworld. Let’s give the Devil his due!
(Lucifer): Welcome, GWAR, to my domain.
It’s nice to be called on by so many names.
What’s this I hear about you kicking my ass?
(In the live show, this is where Oderus fights a guy in an eight or nine foot tall Satan costume and chops his head off, drenching the audience in fake blood.)
He is the one who will not be named
He is the one who will not be blamed
He is the one that is turning the screws
The Lord of the Underworld. Let’s give the Devil his due!
We crossed chasms vast…
and endless ass…
Our time in Hell draws to the last.
The Legions of Hell lay broken and shorn.
The brothers of GWAR have slain through the storm.
The gate, it is riven. The Master is slain.
The fortress of GWAR is now ripe to reclaim.
We wasted Hell in the name of GWAR!
Though we really don’t know where we are…..
Happy Halloween everyone!
Through the Shattered Lens 