Category Archives: Horrorthon

Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008, directed by Mel House)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Six years after the release of the last Witchcraft film, warlock-attorney Will Spanner is back for the 13th chapter in the Witchcraft saga.

This time, Will is played by Tim Wrobel, who gives a better-than-average performance as the conflicted warlock.  Wrobel actually seems to take the role and Will’s mixed feelings about being a warlock seriously and that’s definitely a step up from some of the other actors who have played the role.  In Blood of the Chosen, yet another cult of frequently nude female occultists is picking up and sacrificing men.  Most of their victims are somehow connected to Will.  It’s all because the cult wants Will to impregnate one of them so that their child will grow up to be the new Dark Lord who will bring Satan to Earth.  It’s yet another stupidly complicated ritual to overthrow the natural order.  Typical Witchcraft plot.

What sets Witchcraft 13 apart is that it is full of references to the previous Witchcraft films, as if the film was actually made in an attempt to iron out all of the dropped subplots and continuity errors that had piled up over the past 18 years.  Will mentions his ex-fiancée Kelly and how she couldn’t handle him being a warlock.  He talks about Detectives Garner and Lutz and finally clears up how Lutz went from being male in one film to female in another.  (It turns out that Lucy Lutz was the sister of the original Detective Lutz.)  He even mentions that he previously battled a temptress named Delores.  That was all the way back in the second movie!  One thing that Will does not clear up is why everyone forgot that he was dead in Witchcraft IX but it’s still better than nothing.

Witchcraft XIII clears up so many loose ends that it seems like it was designed to be the final chapter in the Witchcraft franchise.  It would not have been a bad one to go out on.  It’s better acted than the average Witchcraft movie, the story makes a little bit of sense, and Will finally seems to be ready to accept who he is.  That doesn’t mean that Witchcraft XIII is a great movie, of course.  It’s basically just something that someone shot on a camcorder for next to no money.  But as far as Witchcraft movies go, it’s one of the better ones.

For the longest time, this was the final chapter.  However, in 2016, three more Witchcraft films would finally be released.

Game Review: The Cave (2020, Neil Aitkin)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The Cave is an entrant in the 2020 Interactive Fiction Competition.  All the of the entries can be played here.

You are an adventurer who wakes up to discover that you are surrounded by darkness.  You’re alone and you’re in a cave.  Can you figure out how to get out?

Like many Interactive Fiction games, The Cave is made up of separate rooms, each one of which has its own unique challenges and rewards.  What sets The Cave apart from other games is that, each time you play, the cave is randomly respawned.  Just because a room is nearby the first time you play, that doesn’t mean that it will still be there the next time you play.  As a result, no matter how many times you play, you’ll always have a different experience.

With each puzzle you solve, you gain knowledge and attributes.  You can’t die in The Cave.  The game is not designed to trick you into losing.  Instead, the goal is to see what type of person (or character) you’ve become once you finally manage to make your way out of the cage.  Will you be clever mage who emerges from the cave with several different spells or will you be the type of fighter who just keeps smashing away until you finally broken free?  Play the game to find out.  As the game puts it, “Who are you really in the dark?”

The Cave can be played here.

Horror Scenes That I Love: The Birds Show Up For School

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is from Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 masterpiece, The Birds.

This is how you edit a scary scene!

It’s interesting to consider that The Birds was apparently not a big hit with critics when it was first released in 1963.  Much like Kubrick’s The Shining, it’s gone on to become one of the definitive horror films of all time.  It’s certainly one of the most influential.

4 Shots From 4 Alfred Hitchcock Films: The Lodger, Psycho, The Birds, Frenzy

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.

This month, we’ve been using 4 Shots From 4 Films to honor some of our favorite filmmakers!  Today, we pay tribute to the one and only Alfred Hitchcock!

4 Shots From 4 Alfred Hitchcock Films

The Lodger (1926, dir by Alfred Hitchcock)

Psycho (1960, dir by Alfred Hitchcock)

The Birds (1963, dir by Alfred Hitchcock)

Frenzy (1972, dir by Alfred Hitchcock)

Horror on the Lens: The Incredible Melting Man (dir by William Sachs)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is a science fiction/horror film from 1977!

In The Incredible Melting Man, the first manned spaceflight to Saturn does not go well.  Three astronauts went up but only one came down.  And that one astronaut is both kinda crazy and melting!  Seriously, it’s a big mess.

Apparently, one of the victims of the incredible melting man is played by director Jonathan Demme.  See if you can spot him!  It’ll be fun.

Enjoy!

Witchcraft XII: In The Lair of The Serpent (2002, directed by Brad Sykes)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Warlock-turned-attorney-turned investigator Will Spanner returns in this, the 12th Witchcraft film.

Now blandly played by a comedian named Chip James, Will may be back but the rest of the usual suspects are missing and, in fact, aren’t even mentioned in this film.  No Lutz.  No Garner.  No Kelli, despite the fact that Witchcraft XI ended with Will and Kelli finally getting engaged.  There’s was a two year gap between this film and the previous Witchcraft film and I guess a lot of could have happened during that time period.  In this Witchcraft, Will doesn’t say anything about being married and he ends up having sex with another woman so I’m going to guess that things didn’t work out with Will and Kelli.  Maybe Kelli finally got tired of every warlock on the west coast trying to abduct her during ever lunar eclipse.

Like so many of the Witchcraft films, In The Lair of the Serpent opens with someone picking up a beautiful woman outside of a nightclub.  This time, it’s Jeff Lawton (Bruce Blauer) who picks up Tisa (Monika Wild).  Tisa is a part of a cult of women who worship an ancient snake goddess.  Tisa and her fellow snake worshippers spend their time picking up men, seducing them, and then sacrificing them as a part of a complex ritual designed to bring the snake goddess into the world.  It’s good to see that Satan is not the only deity who demands that his followers engage in overly complex rituals before he’ll even think of meeting with them.

Jeff Lawton’s sister, Cindy (Janet Keijser), turns to Will to help solve the mystery of Jeff’s murder.  (Conveniently, Will is an old family friend.)  Since the last time we saw Will, he had apparently moved his legal practice to Seattle.  He returns to Long Beach for Jeff’s funeral and, convinced that the police don’t understand what they’re dealing with, he helps Cindy to investigate her brother’s death.  Will also hooks up with Cindy, a move that leaves those of us who have actually watched the other films in this stupid franchise wondering whether or not Kelly is up in Seattle, waiting for her husband to come back home.  It all leads to the usual magical battle between Will and the coven.

The special effects aren’t terrible, which is a step up from the previous Witchcraft films, and Janet Keijser is actually pretty good as Cindy.  Even the supernatural killer looks like a genuine otherworldly creature instead of someone wearing a rubber mask.  By the admittedly low standards of this franchise, Witchcraft XII almost feels like a real movie.  Almost!

By the time this one came around, the Witchcraft series was no longer as popular as it once was.  Softcore direct-to-video thrillers became less of a big deal as more and more people gained access to the Internet, which is a roundabout way of saying that Witchcraft‘s target audience no longer had to go the video store if they wanted to see a topless actress.  They could just search the web.  It would be six years before there was another chapter in the life of Will Spanner.

Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.22 “A Thousand Words” (dir by Tracy Lynch Britton)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s journey into the world of televised horror, we present to you the last ever episode of Baywatch Nights.  In this episode, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon investigate a haunted restraunt.  Then Angie disappears and the Hoff has to rescue her!

I have to say that Baywatch Nights was a silly show but I kind of liked it.  I mean, you’ve got David Hasselhoff doing the full Hoff in every episode and I think that he and Angie Harmon had kind of a fun chemistry.  I’m kind of sad that this is the last episode.  Tomorrow, we’ll start a new show.  Hopefully, I can find one.  YouTube is so weird nowadays.

But, anyway, here’s the final episode of Baywatch Nights!

Horror Scenes That I Love: Vincent Price’s monologue in Roger Corman’s Masque of the Red Death

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This scene, from 1964’s Masque of the Red Death, was directed by Roger Corman, performed by Vincent Price, and shot by Nicolas Roeg.  It was based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe.  That’s a lot of talent on display.

Enjoy!