Category Archives: Film Review

Let’s Talk About Killer Under The Bed (dir by Jeff Hare)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Killer Under The Bed aired on the Lifetime network back on October 20th and, at first glance, it might sound like a typical lifetime film.

Recent widow Sarah (Kristy Swanson) has moved into a new house and gotten a new job.  She has two teenage daughters, both of whom are still struggling to deal with the death of their father.  The older daughter is Chrissy (Madison Lawlor), the star athlete who is protective of her younger sister, even if she’s not always willing to admit it.  Kilee (Brec Bassinger) meanwhile is struggling to escape from her sister’s shadow and fit in at her new school.

Consider some of what Kilee has to deal with.  The school’s resident mean girls are determined to destroy her.  She has a crush on one of her teachers and he seems to be growing more and more obsessed with her.  Kilee has a secret that she can’t tell her mother or her sister and Kilee fears that everyone blames her for what happened to her father.

As I said, it sounds like a typical Lifetime situation but here’s the twist.  Almost all of Kilee’s problem can be linked to the rather ugly doll that she stumbled across in her new home.  Much like buying weed in Colorado and then trying to sell it for a profit in Wyomng, having a voodoo doll seemed like a good idea at first.  By making wishes, Kilee not only punished the school bully but she also resolved a conflict between her mom and a co-worker.  And when Kilee wished that her teacher would love her, he went from holding her at a polite distance to suddenly sending her flirtatious texts and photoshopping their faces onto wedding advertisements!

But, much like a Colorado weed dealer spending the night in a Wyoming jail, Kilee soon discovers that nothing’s ever as easy as it seems.  Even the best of ideas have consequences.  For one thing, the doll has the power to drive people crazy.  Secondly, the doll itself is a bit possessive and has a temper.  When Chrissy comes across the doll and tries to throw it away, the doll responds by climbing out of the trashcan and reentering the house.  Later, when the school bully tries to steal the doll, the doll responds by attacking her with a knife.  Soon, the doll is crawling around the house, hiding underneath beds, and creating all sorts of mayhem.

Oh my God, this was such a great movie!  From the minute that doll unzipped Kilee’s backpak so that it could escape to raise havoc, I knew I was watching a great film.  Killer Under The Bed is totally over the top and just so wonderfully ludicrous that there’s no way that you can’t have fun watching it.  Between the killer doll, the bullies that were so evil that seemed like they should be plotting against The Avengers, and the perpetually confused teacher, Killer Under The Bed was way too much fun.

In the past, I’ve been told that Lifetime tends to be resistant to horror movies.  They really should rethink that policy.  Killer Under The Bed is one of the most entertaining Lifetime films that I’ve seen in a while.

Hinzman’s Revenge: FleshEater (1988, directed by Bill Hinzman)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

It’s Halloween in rural Pennsylvania.  It is a time for hayrides, trick or treating, and flesh eating.  A farmer comes across a box underneath a tree stump.  The box has a seal that says it shouldn’t be opened so, of course, the farmer opens it.  Out pops a member of the undead (Bill Hinzman) who tears the farmer’s throat out and, before you can say Night of the Living Dead, starts an entire zombie outbreak.  Soon, the entire town is under siege as the zombies eat farmers, teenagers, and children alike.  The only thing more dangerous than the zombies is the posse that’s been put together to take them down.  You might survive the night but, in the morning, just try not to get shot by mistake.

Bill Hinzman might not be a familiar name but every horror fan knows his face.  He played the graveyard zombie in the original Night of the Living Dead, the one who killed Johnny and then chased after Barbara.  He ws he zombie who started it all.  Hinzman not only stars in but he also wrote and directed FleshEater, which is basically an extra bloody remake of Romero’s better-known film.  Hinzman even got the some of the same actors who played the members of the posse in Night of the Living Dead to play essentially the same roles in FleshEater.  Hinzman made for a good zombie but, unfortunately, he was not as good a director as Romero.  While there’s more than enough gore and nudity to keep the film’s target audience happy, FleshEater never comes close to duplicating Night of the Living Dead‘s nightmarish intensity.  With most of the victims consisting of shallow teenagers and dumb rednecks, you’ll be on the side of the zombies for the entire movie.

Let’s Talk About Dead In The Water (dir by Sheldon Wilson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

One of the great things about October is that, along with Shark Week, it’s one of the few times during the year that the SyFy channel still shows original horror films.  Unfortunately, I ended up getting a little bit swamped with stuff this month so I didn’t get a chance to review this year’s collection of movies when they originally aired.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to make up for that today and tomorrow.

Dead In The Water, which aired on October 27th, is a nautical horror story that will probably remind you of a few other horror films.  (Of course, if you’ve watched enough SyFy films, you know that’s not necessarily a complaint.)  Like The Descent, it features an almost entirely female cast.  Like Ghost Ship, it takes place within the claustrophobic confines of a boat floating on the ocean and there’s literally no escape to escape to be found.  Like an Alien film, it’s essentially a siege film in which we watch the film’s cast attempts to survive an attack from a relentless enemy that keeps coming and coming.  And finally, much like John Carpenter’s The Thing, the enemy is an alien who jumps from victim to victim.  You’re never quite sure who might be real and who might be possessed.  It’s all about the paranoia.

Dead in the Water follows the crew of a boat that gets lost in a thick bank of fog.  When they come across a man floating in the ocean, they pull him out and start to examine him.  He’s still alive, though barely.  He implores them to kill him and then kill themselves.  He says that the only way to “end this.”  After they oblige the first half of his request, the crew members speculate that may have had a virus but a video on his phone reveals a far different story.  Apparently, the man was the last survivor of a group of scientists who came across an alien life form in the Arctic sea.  With an alien life form now running around the boat, the crew must attempt to survive while a terrible storms rages outside.

Both thematically and visually, Dead In The Water is one of those films where everything is really, really dark.  In fact, the film was so dark that it was sometimes difficult to see just what exactly was happening on the screen.  At times, this was effective.  After all, fear of the dark is one of the big phobias and the darkness made it easier for the alien to do its thing.  That said, I would someday like to see a horror film that takes place in an adequately lit room.  We’re so used to horror in the dark that I think horror in the daylight would probably be an interesting change of pace.

The best thing that Dead In The Water had going for it was its cast.  I liked the fact that not only did this horror film feature an all female cast but that they were all portrayed as being competent professionals.  No one was there just to scream and be a victim, which is something that I always appreciate.  Though the nature of the alien isn’t a huge shock, it’s still an effective little monster.  Director Sheldon Wilson does a good job of keeping the action moving and capturing the desperation of being stranded out in the middle of nowhere.  All in all, Dead In The Water was an effective October offering.

Halloween Havoc!: THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US (Universal-International 1956)

Posted on by gary loggins

gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US – and he’s not too happy about it! Can’t say that I blame him, as once again he’s used and abused by humans, kidnapped from his watery home, suffers third degree burns, and transformed into a landlubber! This third and final entry in The Gill-Man saga unfortunately isn’t as good as its two predecessors, with too much melodramatic nonsense spoiling what was an intriguing premise.

Dr. Bill Barton (Jeff Morrow ) leads a search in the Florida Everglades for the Creature, who escaped Ocean Harbor Oceanarium in the last film. Along with Barton are geneticist Dr. Tom Morgan (Rex Reason), Dr. Borg (Maurice Manson), Dr. Johnson (James Rawley), and macho guide Jed Grant (Gregg Palmer ). Also on board is Barton’s wife Marcia (Leigh Snowden), a beautiful blonde trapped in a loveless marriage with her insanely jealous, controlling prick of a husband.

The Creature…

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Italian Horror Showcase: The Vampire and the Ballerina (dir by Renato Polselli)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

“If you want to taste the night, come downstairs.”

— The Professor (Pier Ugo Gragnani) in The Vampire and The Ballerina (1960)

A young woman relaxes with her friends at a waterfall.  She sees a funeral procession passing by and cheerfully announces, “A funeral!  It brings good luck!”

One person who would disagree with that would be the girl in the coffin.  She’s just the latest villager to have been found passed out in a field in the middle of the night, lacking blood.  The locals say that there’s a vampire on the loose.  The local doctor insists that the girl is just anemic and will recover in ten days.  Instead, the girl ends up in a coffin, only opening her eyes while being carried to her grave.  From her point of view, we watch as clumps of dirt are tossed onto the coffin, one after another until finally all is dark.

At night, she leaves her grave and runs into the horribly disfigured vampire who previously bit her.  He greets her and tells her to lie down in his coffin.  As soon as she does, he drives a take through her heart and says that he must remain “the master of my world.”

It’s a strange world.  In the village, a dance troupe is, for some reason, staying at a villa belonging to an older man (Pier Ugo Gragnani) who is called both “grandpa” and “The Professor.”  (Despite the film’s title and some of the dialogue, they are clearly a modern dance troupe.)  The professor tells the dancers a story about vampires.  Everyone’s amused.  Interestingly, most of the dancers seem to believe that there is a vampire on the loose but none of them seem particularly concerned about it.  From my own experience, this is probably the most realistic part of the film.  When you’re a dancer, that’s pretty much all you worry about.

Later, two of the dancers, Luisa (Helene Remy) and Francesca (Tina Gloriani), are walking around the woods with Francesca’s fiancée, Luca (Iscaro Ravaiolli) when it starts to rain.  They take refuge in a nearby castle, one which they believe to be deserted.  It turns out that it’s not.  Countess Alda (Maria Luisa Rolando) lives there with her manservant, Herman (Walter Brandi).  Alda explains that she allows the villagers to believe the castle is deserted and haunted because she doesn’t want to be bothered by them.  Luca is immediately enchanted with Alda while Francesca wonders why Alda looks exactly like the woman in a 400 year-old painting that is hanging in the dining room.  Luisa wanders off and gets bitten by the same disfigured vampire who has been preying on the villagers.

That night, Luisa waits in bed until the vampire comes to her.  Meanwhile Luca sneaks back to the castle to see Alda.  Alda claims that Herman is holding her prisoner but, when Herman suddenly shows up, Alda orders Luca away and proceeds to drink Herman’s blood and he goes from being a handsome servant to being the disfigured vampire that we saw earlier in the film.  It turns out that Alda and Herman’s blood-soaked relationship is all about trying to stay young.  When Herman ages, he drinks the villager’s blood to become young again.  Then Alda drinks his blood to retain her youth, which means that the now aged Herman again has to go out and drink more villager blood….

Meanwhile, the dance troupe’s choreographer has a brilliant idea!  Why don’t they do a number about vampires!?

1960’s The Vampire and the Ballerina is a personal favorite of mine.  That really shouldn’t surprise anyone, of course.  I love vampires.  I love to dance.  Of course, I’m going to love a film that brings those two things together!  But beyond that, The Vampire and The Ballerina is just such a strange little film.  From the off-center performances to Angelo Baistrocchi[‘s haunting cinematography, The Vampire and the Ballerina plays out like a filmed fever dream. The fact that the plot often doesn’t make sense only adds to the film’s surreal atmosphere.

Continuing what Hammer started with the Horror of Dracula, The Vampire and the Ballerina takes the sexuality that has always been the subtext of most vampire films and instead puts it front and center.  The formerly repressed Luisia writhes in bed as she waits for the vampire to come to her.  Luca stares at Alda with an obsessive intensity before forcefully kissing her hand.  Alda and Herman torment each other, even though one could not exist without the other, a relationship that is more sado-masochistic than supernatural.

The Vampire and the Ballerina is an Italian horror film that deserves to be better known than it is.  I mean, seriously, how can anyone resist a movie that has this many vampires and this much dancing?

It’s a strange world.

Horror on the Lens: Night of the Living Dead (dir by George Romero)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Halloween everyone!

Well, as another horrorthon draws to a close, it’s time for another Shattered Lens tradition!  Every Halloween, we share one of the greatest and most iconic horror films ever made.  For your Halloween enjoyment, here is George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead!

(Be sure to read Arleigh’s equally famous review!)

All In A Day’s Work: The Carpenter (1988, directed by Daving Wellington)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Alice Jarett (Lynne Adams) has problems.

She’s recovering her latest nervous breakdown and her husband, Martin (Pierre Lenoir) is having an affair with one of his students.  Martin and Alice have just moved into a new house that was never actually completed and the construction crew that they’ve hired is made up of lazy nogoodniks who all have mullets.  Alice’s only relief is the carpenter (Wings Hauser) who materializes in the house every midnight and who, unlike the construction crew, carefully and lovingly works on the house while talking about the value of doing a good day’s work.

Even though she comes to believe that the carpenter might be the ghost of a murderer, Alice still falls in love with him and he seems to fall for her too.   Want to get on the carpenter’s bad side?  Just try to hurt Alice or the house.   When a member of the construction crew attempts to rape Alice, the carpenter chops off the rapist’s arm with a radial saw.  When two other construction workers break into the house, the carpenter kills them too.  In fact, the carpenter kills a lot of people and what gives this movie a new wrinkle is that Alice seems to be okay with a lot of those murders.  Is the carpenter real, dead, or a product of Alice’s fragile mental state?  No one knows but the carpenter himself.

The Carpenter is all about Wings Hauser, who was practically the patron saint of straight-to-video exploitation films in the late 80s and early 90s.  The movies tries to keep us guessing as to whether the carpenter is a real person or a ghost but all that matters is that he’s Wings Hauser, giving one of his most crazed performances.  Wings Hauser could make any otherwise bad movie watchable and that’s the case with The Carpenter.

Halloween Havoc!: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE (Universal-International 1955)

Posted on by gary loggins

gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

The Gill-Man  made his second appearance in REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, a good-not-great sequel that finds The Creature out of his element and in the modern (well, 1955) world. In fact, The Creature is the most sympathetic character in the film, as he’s hunted, ripped from his home, chained up, tortured, and treated like a freak-show attraction. The humans, with the exception of heroine Lori Nelson, are your basic 50’s sci-fi hammerheads who fear what they don’t understand and try to force The Gill-Man to their will.

Old friend Captain Lucas is once again heading down the Amazon to the Black Lagoon, in his new boat The Rita II. Joe Hayes and George Johnson of Florida’s Ocean Harbor Oceanarium are out to capture The Creature and use him as a theme park attraction. Underwater dynamite charges stun The Gill-Man into a coma, and he’s trussed up and transported stateside. Professor…

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Horror on the Lens: The Little Shop of Horrors (dir by Roger Corman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

(It’s tradition here at the Lens that, every October, we watch the original Little Shop of Horrors.  And always, I start things off by telling this story…)

Enter singing.

Little Shop…Little Shop of Horrors…Little Shop…Little Shop of Terrors…

Hi!  Good morning and Happy October the 30th!  For today’s plunge into the world of public domain horror films, I’d like to present you with a true classic.  From 1960, it’s the original Little Shop of Horrors!

When I was 19 years old, I was in a community theater production of the musical Little Shop of Horrors.  Though I think I would have made the perfect Audrey, everybody always snickered whenever I sang so I ended up as a part of “the ensemble.”  Being in the ensemble basically meant that I spent a lot of time dancing and showing off lots of cleavage.  And you know what?  The girl who did play Audrey was screechy, off-key, and annoying and after every show, all the old people in the audience always came back stage and ignored her and went straight over to me.  So there.

Anyway, during rehearsals, our director thought it would be so funny if we all watched the original film.  Now, I’m sorry to say, much like just about everyone else in the cast, this was my first exposure to the original and I even had to be told that the masochistic dentist patient was being played by Jack Nicholson.  However, I’m also very proud to say that — out of that entire cast — I’m the only one who understood that the zero-budget film I was watching was actually better than the big spectacle we were attempting to perform on stage.  Certainly, I understood the film better than that screechy little thing that was playing Audrey.

The first Little Shop of Horrors certainly isn’t scary and there’s nobody singing about somewhere that’s green (I always tear up when I hear that song, by the way).  However, it is a very, very funny film with the just the right amount of a dark streak to make it perfect Halloween viewing.

So, if you have 72 minutes to kill, check out the original and the best Little Shop of Horrors…

Friends With Benefits: Demon Wind (1990, directed by Charles Phillip Moore)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Stupid Cory (Eric Larson) has a surprisingly large number of friends and, one weekend, he drags them all out to a burned-out farmhouse.  It used to belong to Cory’s grandparents and Cory hopes to learn why they died.  As soon as they all arrive, a thick fog rolls in and, quicker than you can say Evil Dead, the farmhouse is under siege by monsters that are definitely not Deadites and all of Cory’s friends turn into demons who spits up pancake batter whenever they die.  it turns out that the demons travel on the wind and there’s nothing this demon wind can’t do.

That’s Demon Wind, which is one of the more forgettable straight-to-video horror films to come out of the 90s.  It has a cult following because it was released with one of those 3-D covers that led to a lot of people renting it but the movie itself is a drag with bad acting, bad dialogue, and not enough gore or nudity to really qualify as even a guilty pleasure.  I did like that Cory’s friends were all given one weird personality quirk to help us keep them apart.  There’s a jock with a brainwashed girlfriend and a nerd and two karate guys who dress up like magicians and do magic tricks.  I also liked that even the nerd could get a hot girlfriend.  Though that happens all the time today, that was a bold move for 1990!  When Cory starts to run low on friends, more of them drive up from out of nowhere.  Those are some loyal friends!  Too bad Cory gets everyone killed for no good reason.

Keep an eye out for Lou Diamond Phillips, who was married to the film’s assistant director and who has a cameo as one of the demons.