Wives Of The Skies: Preview and Trailer

Posted on March 15, 2020 by paddiesthoughts

Wives of the Sky

From Press Release:

Winner of 24 awards, including Best Film at the New York Cinematography Awards and Best Original Screenplay at the Indie X Film Festival, Wives of The Skies is a romantic dramedy, set in 1965, starring two stewardesses, Fran and Marcy from Fine Air, a well-appointed airline. One evening after work, at their stewardess’ hotel, they befriend Derrick, a British photojournalist who wants to interview them as “subjects” for his “documentary film”.

As Fran and Marcy are interviewed, they are revealed as very different than Derrick hoped for or could possibly have expected… As they get to know each other, Wives Of The Skies makes a contemporary socio-cultural statement regarding the meme of “the good girl, drawn bad”. Wives of The Skies clarifies the impact of the overarching “men’s gaze” which objectifies women as carnal sex objects men seek, while they look for love… along the way, addressing the primitive issue of Trust vs. Mistrust, Wives of The Skies displays the Japanese art of Kinbaku.
Currently a soaring success on the festival circuit, the short film is directed by Honey Lauren and features a superlative cast including Rachel Alig, Maddison Bullock, Sebastian Fernandez, Drew Brandon Jones and Embry Rose.

Director Honey Lauren : When someone I know sent me a link to vintage 1960’s Stewardess outfits for sale on EBAY, I was blown away at not only the popularity and high prices, but that these outfits are sold, collected and bid on, by what looked like mostly men. I recognized that these uniforms have become a fetish… for me, at the very least unexpected. Curious, I researched the history of stewardesses during this particular era.
The stewardesses were sporting uniforms by top fashion designers like Pucci, Mary Wells and Yves Saint Laurent. The fabrics, which “hugged” as they stretched, were considered revolutionary for their ability to display the stewardesses. During the flights, the layers of clothing came off at different altitudes. Dramatic designs were all the rage, with geometric patterns and stripes; bold pinks and lavenders topped off with tangerine go-go boots!

As I read the famous COFFEE, TEA OR ME, the tell all book by two “randy Stewardesses”, something about these “sexy Stewardesses”, seemed pushed and insincere. It seemed a marketing ploy by the airlines to sell tickets. Ok. We’ve seen this before. Sex sells. These ladies, and only ladies, were dressed, weighed, packaged and displayed. One airline even advertised the suggestive “Does your wife know you’re flying with us?” Another display of the pattern of woman being sexualized and sold. Only after I wrote WIVES OF THE SKIES, did I find out that COFFEE, TEA OR ME was indeed a hoax, written by a man hired by the airline industry.

I have long recognized that where there is a pattern, there is a story. WIVES OF THE SKIES, is a story. And a question… ‘Sex sells, but at what cost?’

My Review:

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This is a beautiful short film (about 25 minutes) but it covers some hard hitting topics that need to be dealt with in our society. Humorous at points, graphic at others. I loved how Honey Lauren took a modern problem and placed a throw-back theme on it. Everything about this film had me connected from the start. The cinematography is just spectacular, the music is amazing. I could watch this movie for hours on end.

Would I Recommend this movie?

Yes, absolutely and definitely! (And you might need a tissue while watching)

Where can you see it?

Unfortunately, with all the cancellations lately, It might not be in theaters for a while, but, here is hoping everyone gets to see this gem of a film! (I’ll give updates on release dates if/when they become available)

Here is the trailer:

Wives of the Skies Official Trailer from Panik Piktures on Vimeo.

Credits:

Panik Piktures: Destroy All Media: CinemaScope

The King of Love (1987, directed by Anthony Wilkinson)

Posted on March 14, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

From the depths of the 80s comes this soapy film about a publisher played by Nick Mancuso whose father issues fuel not only his rise but also his fall. When the movie starts, Mancuso is dying because he’s been shot by an unknown assassin but he still needs someone to give him some answers before he can give up the mortal coil. Much like Dutch Schultz deliriously babbling about his dog Biscuit after getting fatally wounded, Mancuso spends his last minutes flashing back to how he became America’s most controversial magazine publisher.

In a ruthless and methodical fashion, Mancuso rose up the ranks from being just a lowly photographer to being the publisher of Love, a magazine that may remind you of Playboy and Penthouse but which is definitely not either one because it’s called Love. Because sex and nudity sells, Love grows to be a billion dollar empire but, along the way, Mancuso uses and alienates everyone who gets close to him. With his outspoken views on politics and his advocacy for free love and personal freedom, he also become the number one enemy of anti-pornography crusaders everywhere. Only his partners, Nat (Michael Lerner) and Annie (Sela Ward), are willing to stay with him, mostly because they’re both in love with him.

Mancuso is obsessed with running a rival publisher out of business. Jack Kraft (Rip Torn) is just a ruthless as Mancuso and he also might be his father. In fact, everything that Mancuso does is because he wants to get revenge on Jack for not being there for him as he was growing up, even though he doesn’t have any definite proof that Jack is actually his father and Jack refuses to say whether he is or isn’t. As Mancuso lies on his death bed, Jack stops in for one last visit. Mancuso finally asks Jack flat-out if he’s his father. “I don’t know,” Jack answers, as the film draws to a close. I know that’s a big spoiler but it probably does not matter because this film has never been released on video and it probably never will be. My mom has a copy on VHS tape, which she recorded when it originally aired in 1987. It even has the original commercials. It’s possible my mom may have the only copy of this film in existence, I don’t know.

The King of Love‘s attempt to be daring and racy is sabotaged by its origin as a made-for-TV movie from the 80s. There may be a lot of talk about sex but you’re not going to see or hear anything that could have gotten ABC fined by the FCC. What’s most interesting about The King of Love is the way that the film combines the personas of the three most famous adult magazine publishes. Mancuso dresses like Bob Guccione, spouts Hugh Hefner’s philosophy, and ultimately suffers Larry Flynt’s fate. Otherwise, the movie’s not very interesting at all but it is also ways enjoyable to watch Rip Torn play an arrogant bad guy and Michael Lerner manages to overcome a bad script and give an effective performance as Mancuso’s conflicted second-in-command.

18 Days of Paranoia #1: The Flight That Disappeared (dir by Reginald Le Borg)

Posted on March 14, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Way back in the early days of the site, I did a series of reviews called 31 Days of Paranoia, in which I reviewed films about mysteries, cover-ups, and conspiracies. Unfortunately, because I wasn’t all that disciplined about posting during the early days of the Shattered Lens, my 31 Days of Paranoia ended up being something like 24 days. Still, it was a lot of fun and, historically, it was important because it was the very first “themed” series of reviews that I had ever done. Shattered Politics, Embracing the Melodrama, Back to School, Sprin Breakdown, and all the rest started with 31 Days of Paranoia.

So, with this being the 10-year anniversary of the Shattered Lens’s founding and Spring Breakdown wrapping itself up tomorrow, I figured why not return to where it all started. From now til April, please enjoy …. 18 Days of Paranoia!

We begin with:

The 1961 film, The Flight That Disappeared, deals with an airplane that …. wait for it …. disappears!

What’s happened to Trans-Coast Airways Flight 60? When it first took off from Los Angeles, everything seemed fine. It was carrying a small but well-behaved group of middle-aged people to Washington D.C. The pilots all seemed like good professionals. The two flight attendants were busy serving people coffee and having conversations about whether or not one of them would ever get married. She had every right to be concerned, of course, seeing as how she was in her 20s and still unmarried and childless, despite the fact that this film was made in 1961.

It doesn’t take too long for something strange to happen. The plane suddenly starts to climb upward, eventually going up over 10 miles high in the sky. The pilots can’t do anything to get the plane to come back down. Due to the lack of oxygen, some of the passengers start to pass out. One passenger panics and opens a door, out of which he promptly falls. Oddly, this doesn’t create the whole vacuum effects that we always see in other movies where a window or a door is opened while a plane is in the air. Stranger still, no one thinks to close the door afterwards. Was this intentional or was it just crappy filmmaking? It’s hard to say.

Why is the plane being lifted up into the air? Could it have something to do with the three atomic scientists who are all on the plane? One of them, Dr. Morris (Dayton Lummis), is wearing glasses and has a van dyke beard so you know he’s smart! It turns out that Dr. Morris has been working on the Beta Bomb, which is apparently the most powerful atomic bomb ever built. I kept waiting for someone to ask Dr. Morris why it was called the Beta Bomb and not the Alpha Bomb or the Omega Bomb or the Big Scary Bomb or the …. well, seriously, anything would be better than Beta Bomb! Everyone in the movie says, “Beta Bomb,” in a tone that’s meant to communicate reverence but it just sounds too much like “Beta Male” for me to really take it seriously.

But, again, who is responsible for the flight climbing? Is it the Russians? Is it aliens? Is it some enemy of the American way? While everyone else on the plane is passed out, the three scientists find themselves awake. Their watches are no longer running and, despite the fact that they appear to be alive, their hearts are no longer beating. Are they dead? Or have they been transported to the future where they will now be put on trial for the crime of developing the Beta Bomb?

Of course, the thing with being put on trial in the future is that it provides the perfect defense for making weapons in the present. “Hey,” a smart defense attorney would say, “you’re still alive in the future and you’ve got time travel technology so what are you bitching about?” But the jurors explain that they’re actually the ghosts of the people who would have been born in the future if not for the Beta Bomb which …. what? So, is the plane in the future or is it in the afterlife? The film itself doesn’t seem to be sure.

I’m probably making it sound like this is a more intriguing film than it actually is. This movie is about 72 minutes long and all the stuff with the people in the future takes place during the final 10 minutes. That means that the film is essentially just 60 minutes of people saying, “We’re still climbing.” From a historical point of view, it’s an interesting example of people being paranoid about the arms race. (If the film were made today, the future the ghostly jurors would be the souls of people who were not born in the future due to climate change.) From an entertainment point of view, it’s a forgettable dud.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #206: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (dir by Caroline Labreche)

Posted on March 13, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Friday night, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course!

Usually, I make it a point to watch every single Lifetime film. Unfortunately, last year, I got a bit sidetracked and I missed quite a few. I’m determined to not let that happen this year. I’ve got quite a few curretly on the DVR and since I’m going to be working from home for at least next month (thank you very much, Coronavirus panic), I’m looking forward to getting to watch them all. Since No Good Deed Goes Unpunished was the first Lifetime premiere since I returned home from my vacation, there was no way I was going to miss it.

What Was It About?

Karen (Michelle Borth) has some problems. Her husband just recently died and, despite the help from her sister-in-law Sophie (Cristina Rosato), Karen is having trouble holding it all together. She’s struggling financially, to the extent that she’s actually had to take in a border, Calvin (Oliver Price). Calvin has taken over the room that used to belong to Karen’s resentful, young son, Max (Noah James Turcotte). Karen is up for a big promotion at work but everyone but Karen can see that the obvious favorite for the job is the sleazy Lance (Jason Deline). Lance is an old friend of the boss and, of course, he’s also a man.

One night, while Karen’s at the grocery store, she finds herself in the middle of an attempted robbery. When the robber points the gun at another shopper, Jeremy (Mark Rendall), Karen steps in and basically saves Jeremy’s life. After the police show up, Karen just wants to forget about the whole thing and move on with her life. However, Jeremy is now obsessed with Karen and he has decided that he’s going to do whatever it takes to become a part of her life….

As the title says: No good deed goes unpunished!

What Worked?

So, I absolutely loved this movie.

Seriously, this was one of the best psycho stalker films to ever premiere on the Lifetime Movie Network. Not only did the plot fully embrace the melodrama (which is always the key to any successful Lifetime film) but it featured some pretty good performances from Michelle Borth, Mark Rendall, and Christina Rosato to boot! Mark Rendall played Jeremy with a creepy smile and an unhinged eagerness to please and it was a lot of fun to watch him and wonder just how far he was going to go to try to get close to Karen and Max.

One thing that I really liked about this movie is that, from the minute she first met Jeremy, Karen was like, “Okay, this guy is weird.” So many Lifetime films are overly dependent on everyone acting like an idiot until the final third of the movie. Not so with this one. Karen suspects that Jeremy has issues from the start. What makes Jeremy an effective villain is that, even though almost everyone wants him to leave, they somehow can’t ever seem to make it happen. Jeremy slides into their lives and basically just refuses to go away.

I also liked Oliver Price’s performance as the hilariously entitled Calvin. Calvin was like every boomer’s nightmare of what my generation is like and Price appeared to be having a lot of fun with the role. His incredulous look of shock when Karen demanded that he actually pay his rent was one of my favorite moments.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked! This was a great Lifetime film.

“Oh my God! Just Like Me!” Moments

I totally related to Sophie, who had a good attitude and absolutely no fear of suggesting that a young child walk home and cook his own dinner. I know that some people would say that was irresponsible on her part but I like to think that she was preparing Max for life in the real world. You can’t always depend on your wacky aunt to come pick you up after karate class. When she has things that she would rather do, you need to be able to get back home and make yourself something to eat without burning down the apartment.

My other favorite Sophie moment was when her sister demanded to know if she was high and Sophie waited like two minutes before replying that she was. Seriously, if someone asks you if you’re high and you hesitate by answering, you might as well just say “yes” because everyone knows.

Sophie deserves her own movie.

Lessons Learned:

Don’t ever save anyone’s life. It’s just not worth all the trouble afterwards. Don’t be a hero as the movie villains like to say.

Cinemax Friday: Hard Vice (1994, directed by Joey Travolta)

Posted on March 13, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Who doesn’t love some Hard Vice?

Someone’s killing businessman in Las Vegas and it’s up to the vice squad to figure out who. Captain Bronski (James Gammon) knows that his cops are going to need some help so he brings in a detective named Joe (Sam J. Jones). Joe is a tough-talking, hard-drinking modern day cowboy who even owns a hat. He doesn’t think that women should be investigating major crimes and that brings him into conflict with his new partners, especially Andrea (Shannon Tweed).

Despite not being happy about having to work together, Joe and Andrea put aside their differences long enough to investigate the murders and fall in love. They discover that all of the men used the same escort service. Could the murderer be a pimp named Tony (Branscombe Richmond, who played Bobby Sixkiller on Renegade) or could it be a renegade prostitute (played by Rebecca FerattI) who is called Christy in the movie but who is listed as being named Allison in the end credits? Or could it be someone closer to the vice squad?

Hard Vice is a typical late night Cinemax crime movie, heavy on the neon and the synthesized music but light on unexpected plot twists. There are still a few things about the movie that set it apart from other movies of the era. First off, this movie features a man armed only with a handgun managing to blow up a helicopter. Secondly, even though the film is set in the 90s, the vice squad is stuck using bulky computers from the 80s and the scene where they use the computer to look up information on the victims has to be seen to be believed. Finally, any movie that brings Shannon Tweed and Rebecca Feratti together is worthy of a little appreciation. Toss in Sam J. Jones and James Gammon sounding like he’s been smoking six packs of cigarettes a day and you’ve got a film that’s almost worth watching.

Hard Vice was directed by Joey Travolta, who is best known for being John’s younger brother. This was the first film he ever directed and, checking with the imdb, I was surprised to discover that he’s directed a lot more since. Joey’s direction in Hard Vice isn’t that bad, though Las Vegas is one of those cities where it’s probably impossible not to come up with an interesting shot or two if you’re filming there. Travolta tosses in a few flash forwards to make sure that we know we’re watching a real film and not just your run-of-the-mill neo-noir. They don’t add much to the plot but when you’re trying to establish your auteur credentials, I guess you do what you have to do.

Deep Cover (1992, directed by Bill Duke)

Posted on March 12, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

When Russell Stevens was 10 years old, he saw his father get gunned down while holding up a liquor store. Now, 20 years later, Russell (Laurence Fishburne) is a cop who is so straight that he doesn’t even drink. But because of his father’s background, a psychological profile that indicates Russell is unique suited to understand how the criminal mind works, and the fact that he has no loved ones at home, he is recruited to work undercover. His weaselly handler, Carver (Charles Martin Smith), explains that going undercover means that Russell is going to have to become a criminal 24/7. He can’t just do his job for 8 hours a day and then go back to his normal life at night.

With the government’s money, Russell sets himself up as a dealer, buying and selling the drugs that are destroying his community. It does not take long before Russell meets David Jason (Jeff Goldblum), a lawyer and aspiring drug kingpin. At first, David makes Russell as being an undercover cop but, after Russell is arrested by the righteous but clueless Detective Taft (Clarence Williams III), David changes his mind and brings Russell into the operation. The line between being a cop and a criminal starts to blur, especially after David and Russell start to bond over their mutual dislike of their boss, Felix (Gregory Sierra). It doesn’t take long for Russell to get in over his head.

There have been a lot of films made about undercover cops losing themselves in their new criminal identity but few take the story to its logical conclusion like Deep Cover does. Russell may start out as a straight arrow but, by the end of the movie, he’s killed a dealer in cold blood and broken his own personal pledge to never do cocaine himself. He also discovers that David is often a more trustworthy partner than his own colleagues in law enforcement. Fishburne and Goldblum both give excellent, spot-on performances as Russell and David and they’re supported by an able cast of weasels and tough guys. I especially liked Charles Martin Smith’s performance as Carver. (When Russell asks Carver if he’s ever killed a man, Carver laughs and says that he went to Princeton “just to avoid that shit.”) Gregory Sierra is also great in the role of Felix and I loved that, of all people, Sidney Lassick played one of Felix’s henchmen. That’s like seeing John Fiedler play the Godfather.

One of the best crime thrillers of the 90s, Deep Cover is not only a detective film but it’s also a politically-charged look at why America’s war on drugs was doomed to failure. No sooner does Russell get into position to catch the man behind Felix’s operation than he’s told to drop the case because the State Department thinks that the drug lord could be politically helpful to them in South America. As Russell discovers, the War on Drugs is more interested in taking out the soldiers on the streets than the generals in charge. While men like Carver sit in their offices and move people around like pieces on a chess board, people like Russell are left to clean up the mess afterward.

The Hitman (1991, directed by Aaron Norris)

Posted on March 11, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

When cop Cliff Garrett (Chuck Norris) gets shot by his corrupt partner, Ronny Delaney (Michael Parks), he dies and nearly gets to go to heaven. However, at the last minute, the doctor’s manage to bring Cliff back to life. Since everyone believes Cliff to be dead, his superiors come up with a brilliant plan. What if Cliff changes his name to Grogan, grows his hair long, and goes undercover as a hitman?

Cliff’s up for it and is soon working for an Italian mobster named Marco Luganni (Al Waxman). Marco wants to eliminate all of the other mobsters in town but he also has to deal with a bunch of drug-dealing Iranians who are trying to move in on his territory. Cliff soon works his way into the inner circle and plays all sides against each other. What’s strange is that Cliff manages to fool everyone into thinking that he’s Grogan despite the fact that all he’s really doing is wearing his hair long. In fact, the only person who he doesn’t fool is his former partner, Delaney. Delaney is not happy to discover that Cliff is still alive and sets out to take him out once and for all.

Because this is a Chuck Norris film, there’s a subplot where Cliff helps a bullied youth named Tim (Salim Grant) learn how to stick up for himself. One thing that set Chuck Norris apart from other 80s action heroes is that Chuck always tried to teach all the kids in the audience of his R-rated films a good lesson about staying off drugs, standing up to bullies, and not doubting the American way. I always have mixed feelings about this aspect of Chuck’s films because the message scenes usually don’t fit in with the rest of the narrative and it’s always questionable if a film featuring Chuck killing people is the right place for a wholesome life lesson but, at the same time, Chuck is so sincere that these scenes usually feature his best acting. When Tim beats up a bully and then Chuck beats up the bully’s father, it really makes you realize that someone missed an opportunity by not making a movie where Chuck Norris played a computer science teacher who prepared his students not just for a career in STEM but also taught them how to put the members of football team in their place. In the case of The Hitman, the crime subplot and the bullying subplot come together when Delaney decides to use Tim to strike at Cliff.

The Hitman is one of Chuck’s later films, which means the budget is lower than the films he did for Cannon and the action scenes are not as elaborate. Chuck’s brother, Aaron, directs and he does okay but he’s no Joe “Missing In Action” Zito or Menahem “Delta Force” Golan. The fight scenes are competently done in a workmanlike manner but they’re never as exciting as what we’ve come to expect from the Norris brand. The main appeal here is to see Chuck Norris and Michael Parks in the same movie. Chuck, as always, underplays while Parks, as always, overplays and it’s always entertaining to watch them go at each other. Otherwise, The Hitman is for Chuck completists only.

A Force of One (1979, directed by Paul Aaron)

Posted on March 10, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Someone is targeting a squad of undercover narcotics detectives, killing them by taking them by surprise and breaking their necks before they even have a chance fight back. Lt. Dunne (Clu Gulager) doesn’t like seeing his best detectives getting murdered so he orders all of them — including Mandy Rust (Jennifer O’Niell) and Rollins (Superfly himself, Ron O’Neal) — to take martial arts training so that they can defend themselves. And who better to train them than karate champ and dojo owner, Matt Logan (Chuck Norris)? The no-nonsense Logan teaches the detectives a few moves and even starts a tentative romance with Mandy. But when his adopted son (played by future director Eric Laneuville) is murdered by the drug dealers, Logan goes from being a teacher to being an avenger.

Since today is Chuck Norris’s 80th birthday, it only seems appropriate to review one of Chuck Norris’s better films. A Force of One was made at a time when Chuck was still trying to make the transition from being the karate instructor to the star to being a star himself. Norris had been disappointed by his previous few starring vehicles, all of which strangely played down Norris’s martial arts skills. After his friend and student, Steve McQueen, told Chuck that he needed to specialize in playing strong, silent types, Norris followed his advise with A Force Of One, which features considerably less dialogue than Norris’s previous films but also a lot more fighting.

Though the character may be named Matt Logan, Chuck Norris is basically playing himself in A Force of One. In the scenes where he’s training the detectives and talking about why he’s personally so opposed to drugs, Chuck comes across as so earnest that it doesn’t matter that he’s not much of an actor. What he’s always lacked in range, Chuck makes up for in general badassery and A Force Of One features him at his most badass. Chuck’s final fight with the ninja assassin is one of his best.

Jennifer O’Neill got top billing in A Force Of One and she and Chuck actually have decent romantic chemistry. She seems to bring him a little bit out of his shell and she’s also actually believable as a tough cop. Because this was early in Chuck’s career and the script was co-written by police procedural specialist Ernest Tidyman, A Force Of One spends as much time following round the other cops as it does with Chuck and the squad’s camaraderie is believable. The cops are all played by good character actors like Ron O’Neal, Clu Gulager, Pepe Serna, and James Whitmore Jr. and they all give pretty good performance while, at the same time, not upstaging Chuck.

One final note: There’s a scene where Chuck and Jennifer O’Neill are in an evidence room. Keep an eye out for a box that is labeled K. Reeves. That’s a reference to director Paul Aaron’s stepson, Keanu Reeves, who worked as a production assistant on this film.

The German version of A Force Of One

Spring Breakdown: Jurassic Shark (dir by Brett Kelly)

Posted on March 10, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When it comes to Spring Break, there’s nothing worse than having all of your plans ruined by a prehistoric shark.

I mean, let’s just ask the characters at the center of the 2012 film, Jurassic Shark. Jill (Emannuelle Carriere), Tia (Christine Emes), Kristen (Celine Filion), and Mike (Kyle Martellacci) were planning to spend their Spring Break taking a boat across the least impressive lake in Canada. They thought it would be a good time but then the giant shark showed up, ate Mike, and left Jill, Tia, and Kristen stranded on a tiny island….

“Wait?” you’re saying, There’s a shark in a lake?”

Yes.

“Sharks can’t live in lakes.”

This one can.

“Why?”

Because it’s prehistoric and shit. Hence, the name of the film.

“But if it’s prehistoric, what’s it doing alive in the 21st Century?”

Well, y’see, the shark was frozen in a glacier but than a big evil oil company did some big evil things and, as a result, the glacier either melted or it fell apart or maybe there was an earthquake or something and now, as a result, there’s a big prehistoric shark swimming around the lake.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s a Spring Break shark movie. Now, if I may continue my review….

Anyway, Jill, Tia, and Kristen are stranded on an island but it turns out that they’re not alone! Not only is there a random oil company scientist guy but there’s also three suspicious-looking people who are dressed in all black and are carrying guns! It turns out that the people dressed in all-black are art thieves. They were attacked by the shark while trying to make a getaway with a stolen painting. Now, the painting is at the bottom of the lake and no one can retrieve it because of the prehistoric shark. However, once everyone gets together, surely they can figure out a way to escape with a minimal loss of life….

Nope! Not going to happen! Unfortunately, no one on the island is smart enough for the audience to really root for. Instead of working together, they just point guns and debate who is going to distract the shark while someone else gets the painting. This is a movie that will have you cheering for the shark all the way, which is probably the way it was meant to be. Out of everyone in the film, the shark’s got the most personality and it’s always easy to understand his motivations. He wants to eat. It’s as simple as that.

The main reason I watched Jurassic Shark is because it’s got a 1.5 rating on the imdb and was, for a little while, the lowest rated film on the entire site. Whenever I discover that a film is disliked by that many people, I simply have to watch. As is often the case, I think the imdb voters are being a bit overly critical with Jurassic Shark. Yes, the film is pretty bad and the shark spends way too much time offscreen. There’s way too many scenes of people slowly walking from one end of the island to the other. There are some major continuity errors and the CGI is really bad and there’s a scene that’s supposed to be set at night but the day for night lighting is so ineptly handled that it’s almost to follow what’s going on.

But — and here’s the thing — there’s absolutely nothing about this film that indicates that it was meant to be taken seriously. I think for a film to be truly terrible, it has to lack self-awareness. It has to be clueless as to how bad or silly or pretentious it is. For better or worse, Jurassic Shark seems to realize that it’s a low-budget Z-grade horror film and that sets it apart from a serious relationship drama like The Room or an environmentalist statement like Birdemic. I mean, as easy as it is to criticize almost every aspect of Jurassic Shark, this is a film that features a slow-motion shot of giant shark flying over someone’s head. It’s a scene that is just ludicrous and silly enough to work.

Jurassic Shark may not be good but it’s not really pretentious enough to be terrible. If nothing else, it teaches the viewers an important lesson about how easily Spring Break can go wrong, especially when you’re celebrating in Canada. For the most part, it’s a forgettable film but it has just enough lunacy to occasionally be memorable.

Murder Me, Murder You (1983, directed by Gary Nelson)

Posted on March 9, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

When two employees of an all-female courier service are murdered, Private Investigator Mike Hammer (Stacy Keach) is on the case. The service was owned by his ex-girlfriend, Chris (Michelle Phillips), and she wants him to protect her while she testifies in front of a grand jury. It turns out that her courier service has gotten involved in some shady business, transporting deliveries between a helicopter company and a South American dictator. Chris fears that she’ll be murdered to keep her from testifying. Hammer agrees to protect her and she tells him that he has a 19 year-old daughter who he’s never met.

While Chris is testifying, she suddenly dies on the stand. The doctors say that it was a heart attack but Hammer knows that it was murder. Hammer sets out to not only get revenge for Chris but also to find his daughter, who has disappeared into the world of underground pornography. It’s all connected though, as is traditional with Mike Hammer, it can sometimes be difficult to keep up with how.

Murder Me, Murder You was a pilot film for a brief-lived but fondly-remembered Mike Hammer TV series that aired in the 80s. Murder Me, Murder You takes Mickey Spillane’s famous detective into what was then the modern age but it allows him to remain a man of the hard-boiled noir era. Hammer’s narration is tougher than leather, he’s more interested in listening to swing music than new wave, and he still dresses like an old-fashioned private eye, complete with a fedora on his head. As played by Stacy Keach, he’s also just as dangerous and quick to kill as Hammer was in Spillane’s original novels. In the novels, Hammer was an unapologetic brute who often bragged about how much he enjoyed killing criminals and communist spies and whose closest associate was his gun, which he nicknamed Betsy. When Spillane’s novels were filmed, the violence of Hammer’s character was often downplayed. (A notable exception was Robert Aldrich’s Kiss Me Deadly, which suggested that Hammer was such a fascist that he would eventually be responsible for the end of the world. The Mike Hammer of Spillane’s novels would probably dismiss Kiss Me Deadly as being red propaganda and set out to deliver American justice to the Hollywood communists who wrote it.) In Murder Me, Murder You, Mike Hammer is just as brutal an avenger as Spillane originally imagined him to be. With his hulking frame, grim eyes, and his surly manner, Stacy Keach is the perfect Mike Hammer.

Murder Me, Murder You is a convoluted and often difficult-to-follow murder mystery but with Keach’s bravura lead performance, a strong supporting cast (including notable tough guys Tom Atkins and Jonathan Banks) and good direction from TV movie vet Gary Nelson, this movie comes about as close as any to capturing the feel of Mickey Spillane’s original novels. Murder Me, Murder You was released on DVD fourteen years ago. Though it is now out-of-print, copies are still available on Amazon.