The TSL’s Grindhouse: Nightstalker (dir by Ulli Lommel)


The 2009 film, Nightstalker, opens with a drifter named Richard Ramirez (Adolph Cortez) lying on his back in what appears to be an alley.  He’s obviously been beaten.  He appears to be only half-conscious.  As he lays there in that filthy alley, we’re treated to several negative-filtered flashbacks of Ramirez shooting people.  This is followed by a series of blurry shot that were apparently filmed by someone driving down a street in Los Angeles.  Discordant music plays on the soundtrack.  If you listen carefully, you can hear someone mumbling in the background but good luck figuring out what they’re actually saying.  This is a low-budge film and sound quality was not a concern.

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise to anyone who is familiar with the unique aesthetic of director Ulli Lommel.  As I wrote in my review of Son of Sam, Lommel started his career as an association of Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s before he eventually came to America, got involved in the New York art scene, and made a handful of decent films.  Unfortunately, after he divorced the heiress who was responsible for funding the majority of his early films, Lommel spent the rest of his career making zero-budget, direct-to-video films about serial killers, like Richard “Night Stalker” Ramirez.  Lommel always claimed that there was a political subtext to his serial killer films and I don’t doubt that he was being honest.  You have to be sincerely committed to make a film as inept as Nightstalker.  At the same time, it’s not easy to figure out just what exactly it was that Lommel thought he was trying to say.

Nightstalker is undoubtedly one of the worst of Lommel’s serial killer films.  Usually, I try to make sure that all of my reviews include at least 500 words but it’s really difficult to think of much to say about Nightstalker.  The film is frequently out-of-focus.  The sound quality is atrocious.  The actor who plays the Nightstalker comes across more like a male model than a homeless serial killer who was known for having bad teeth and disagreeable odor.  Because there’s already been multiple films and documentaries made about Richard Ramirez, the Lommel version fails to add anything new to the story.  Instead, the film is a collection of scenes of Ramirez aimlessly wandering around Los Angeles, sucking on a lollipop and occasionally flashing back to his abusive El Paso childhood.  The film moves slowly and Ramirez’s inner monologue is vacuous.  The real Ramirez’s thoughts were probably pretty vacuous as well so give Lommel some credit for not trying make the the guy more interesting than he actually was.

Watching the film, you do get the feeling that Lommel was sincrely trying to say something about being on the fringes of society in America.  Lommel’s true crime films often implied that American serial killers were the direct result of American culture and its obsession with violence and wealth.  As I said, I think Lommel did think that he was making an artistic and political statement with these films, in much the same way that Lucio Fulci insisted that The New York Ripper was actually a critique of capitalism.  (Oh, if only Lommel had possessed just an ounce of Fulci’s talent….)  Son of Sam, for instance, actually does have a few moments where Lommel’s hallucinatory approach is somewhat effective.  But Nightstalker shows the limits of Lommel’s zero budget, semi-improvised approach.  It’s a chore to sit through and it’s a shame that, due to the continuing infamy of the mercifully late Richard Ramirez (Netflix aired a documentary about him earlier this year that had him trending on twitter), this is probably one of Lommel’s most-viewed films.  Hell, I watched it.  But I think this is going to be my last Lommel true crime film for a while.

Halloween, after all, is meant to be a joyous time.

Open House (1987, directed by Jag Mundhra)


A disturbed man named Harry starts calling Dr. David Kelly (Joseph Bottoms), a radio psychiatrist who is already being sued as a result of one of his patients killing herself on the air.  Harry eats dog food and hates real estate agents  because they keep trying to sell the houses in which he’s illegally squatting.  The police even suspect that Harry may in fact be responsible for several recent realtor murders.  When David mentions that his girlfriend, Lisa (Adrienne Barbeau), just happens to be a real estate agent, it looks like she might be Harry might have a new target!

Open House is from the same group of producers who gave the world Terror on Tour.  Like Terror on Tour, it’s a pretty lousy film but at least Terror on Tour had a killer clown and a loud soundtrack.  Open House has a bland synth soundtrack and a killer who could just as easily been a generic criminal of the week on an 80s cop show.  Rick Hunter would have just blown this psycho away and said, “Works for me.”  Because David needs to be redeemed for that patient who killed herself as a result of his bad advice, he gets a chance to encourage Harry to talk about his feelings.  It leads to a very long monologue.

The main appeal of the film is that it features the beautiful Adrienne Barbeau but she doesn’t get to do much other than get menaced by Harry.  Barbeau supposedly only accepted the roll so that she could use her paycheck to pay for her son’s tuition fees so at least something good came out of this film.

Open House is one of those films that I can remember being displayed prominently at the local video store that we used to visit when I was a kid.  It was a popular rental, because it had a cool cover and the back of the box promised much more blood and gore than the film delivered.  I can’t remember how old I was when I rented it but I do remember worrying about my mother figuring out what type of movie I had selected.  I need not have worried because Open House was about as tame as they come.

Open House has never gotten anything more than a VHS release but it’s there on YouTube for anyone who wants to track it down.  I rewatched it knowing that it was a boring film but I had forgotten just how boring.  When it comes to this Open House, lock the door and throw away the key.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Udo Kier’s Final Speech In Flesh For Frankenstein


Today is Udo Kier’s birthday!

Kier is 77 years old. This German actor has over 260 film credits to his name, having worked with everyone from Dario Argento to Paul Morrissey to Gus Van Sant to Alexander Payne to Rob Zombie to Lars von Trier. Though he’s appeared in every genre of film, he’s best remembered for his horror appearances. In fact, his career got a major boost when he was cast in two horror films that were produced by Andy Warhol. (As with all things Warhol, there’s more than a little debate as to how much Andy was actually involved.) In 1973, Kier played Baron Von Frankenstein in Flesh For Frankenstein. In 1974, he played Dracula in Blood for Dracula. Both films were deliberately over-the-top in both their gore and their performances and they helped launch Udo Kier on the path to cult stardom. Take, for example, the scene below. This is from Flesh for Frankentein. Kier’s Baron meets his end but not before giving a lengthy monologue. One thing to keep in mind is that this film was originally released in 3D so, while Kier was giving his speech, the Baron’s organs were hanging out over the audiences.

(If you have a hard time with gore, I would not suggest watching this scene.)

Happy birthday, Udo Kier! Thank you for putting your heart into ever role!

International Horror Review: Amsterdamned (dir by Dick Maas)


“You’ve been Amsterdamned!”

Okay, no one actually says that in the 1988 Dutch film, Amsterdamned.  However, I will admit that, while I was watching the movie on Shudder, I said it after every single murder.  Seriously, it’s just too good to resist.  Whatever else you might want to say about this movie, you can not deny the power of that title.  How many people have watched this movie just because it’s called Amsterdamned?  I would guess a few thousand at least.

As for the film itself, it deals with a murderous diver who swims through the famous canals of Amsterdam and kills just about anyone they come across.  Our diver is not one to discriminate when it comes to selecting their victims.  They may start out killing a prostitute but soon, they’re targeting environmentalists, boat captains, cops, and perhaps even the girlfriend of Amsterdam’s top cop, Eric Visser (Huub Stapel).  Visser is one of those cops who drinks too much, doesn’t spend enough time with his daughter, and who is still bitter about his divorce.  It’s nice to see that “Cops Who Play By Their Own Set Of Rules” are not a uniquely American phenomenon.  Of course, since Eric is Dutch, his partner is named Vermeer (Serge-Henri Valcke).  It doesn’t take Eric and Vermeer long to figure out that Amsterdam has a serial killer haunting the canals.

Amsterdamned is a mix of a slasher film and an action film.  The highpoint of the film is a pretty exciting speedboat chase between Eric and the Killer, which features some truly spectacular stunts and which definitely shows that director Dick Maas can handle directing action.  At the same time, though, the film is also full of point-of-view shots of the diver emerging from the canals and stalking their next victim.  The diver is an effectively creepy villain and the film makes good use of the idea that practically anybody or anything could be hiding under the water.  I haven’t been to Amsterdam but I have been to Venice and I can tell you, canals are both beautiful and frightening at the same time.  It’s had not to look down at the water and to consider all of the secrets that could be hidden under that murky surface.  The comparison between the canals of Amsterdam and the canals of Venice is an apt one, if just because Amsterdamned is pretty much a Dutch version of an Italian giallo films.  While it’s not as mean-spirited as the infamous Giallo in Venice, it’s just as much a whodunit as it is a standard slasher film.

It’s a film that has its effective moments, though it’s also a film that has some pretty glaring flaws.  With a nearly two-hour running time, it’s at least 30 minutes too long and the film occasionally seems to get bogged down with the details of Eric’s personal life, as if the filmmakers didn’t understand that all they had to do was tell us that Eric was a hard-drinking, independent-minded detective and we, as experienced film watchers, would be able to fill in the rest of the details for ourselves.  When the killer’s identity is revealed, it’s a bit of a let down and it’s hard not to feel that the movie didn’t exactly play fair with its audience.  Even with all that in mind, though, there’s enough creepy moments to make Amsterdamned worth visiting.

Horror Film Review: My Bloody Valentine (dir by George Mihalka)


Poor Mabel.

In the 1981 slasher film, My Bloody Valentine, Mabel (played by Patricia Hamilton) is the sweet old woman who has convinced the mayor of Valentine Bluffs to reinstate the annual Valentine’s Day dance.  The dance had been a tradition, up until the great mine explosion of 1960.  Harry Warden was the only miner to survive the explosion, which everyone agreed wouldn’t have happened if the two mine supervisors hadn’t left their post to attend the dance.  (Why two middle-aged men were so eager to attend a teenage dance party is a question that is never really explored.)  Harry went mad in the mine and resorted to eating the other miners to survive.  AGCK!  The next year, Harry killed the two supervisors and was promptly sent off to mental asylum.  Meanwhile, the annual dance was canceled because I guess it was easier to blame the dance than the mining company or the corrupt union bosses.

Mabel, however, has brought the dance back and it’s probably not a minute too soon because the town of Valentine Bluffs is one of the most depressing towns I’ve ever seen.  The sky is permanenlyt overcast.  Everyone spends all day down in the mine, getting covered in soot and trying not to die.  At night, they go to the bar and get drunk and argue with each other.  If the men need to talk about their feelings, they have a drink at the local junkyard.  Among the slashers films that came out in the early 80s, My Bloody Valentine is unique for taking place in an authentically blue collar milieu.  These aren’t upper class teenagers who are about to be targeted by a demented killer.  These are tough men who work hard all day and who are apparently really into Valentine’s Day dances.

Unfortunately, we all know that it’s impossible to move on from a decades-old murder.  No sooner has the Valentine’s Day Dance been announced than some old drunk starts telling everyone that they’re doomed.  People start to get strange and bloody packages in the mail.  A man dressed up like a miner kills Mabel and stuffs her into a washing machine, which seems like an overreaction on the part of The Miner.  It does, however, make one thing very clear.  If even sweet old Mabel can die, then anyone can die.

After Mabel’s death, the mayor and the sheriff announce that the dance is off but those miners are really into Valentine’s Day so they decide to throw a party anyway.  A few of them go down into the mine, which is not necessarily what I would want to do at a party but whatever.  I just don’t like soot.  Unfortunately, our brave heroes go down into the mine at the same time that the Miner shows up at the party and starts killing people.

The assumption, of course, is that the Miner is Harry Warden but most member of the audiences will have seen enough slasher movies to know better.  There’s two obvious suspects.  There’s Axel (Neil Affleck), who has a temper and knows how to use a pickax.  And then there’s TJ (Paul Kelman), who also has a temper and knows how to use a pickax.  Axel and TJ are both in love with Sarah (Lori Hallier) but only one will get to ask her to be his “bloody valentine.”

Among horror fans, My Bloody Valentine is notorious for having been heavily edited to get an R-rating.  Supposedly, cuts were made to every single death scene and, even with the cuts, this is still a notably gruesome film.  The scene involving the showerhead impalement is especially macabre, even if it has obviously been edited.  The Miner is not one of those talkative, quippy, fun-loving murderers that eventually became a staple of the genre.  Instead, he’s notably cruel.  The murders he commits feel personal and calculated.  He’s not one of those movie slashers who just kills anyone unlucky enough to discover Camp Crystal Lake.  Instead, he has a plan.  In the end, the Miner is one of the more frightening of the killers to come out of the early 80s slasher boom.

My Bloody Valentine works far better than it has any right to.  The mine is a notably creepy location and the film does a good job of creating an atmosphere where you really do believe that anyone could die at any minute.  The film plays out like a nightmarish urban legend come to life and it provides an example of the giallo-inspired thrillers that slasher films used to be.  Despite being a Valentine’s Day film, it’s one that your really should watch for Halloween.

When you’re watching either this film or the 2009 remake, be sure to offer up a prayer to Mabel.  With her love of Valentine’s Day, she made it all possible.

Horror On The Lens: Earth vs. The Flying Saucers (dir by Fred F. Sears)


For today’s horror on the lens, we’ve got a sci-fi shocked from 1956.

In Earth vs. The Flying Saucers …. well, the plot is right there in the title.  In a semi-documentary style, this film tells the story of what happens when a bunch of flying saucers come to Earth.  Unfortunately, the inhabitants of those flying saucers aren’t looking to open up a new trading route.  Instead, they want to enslave humanity and, as always, it falls to America to save the world.

This film is probably best known for the scenes of the flying saucers crashing into monuments and buildings in Washington, D.C.  The special effects were done by Ray Harryhausen.

The film was originally black-and-white.  The version below is colorized.  I’m not a huge fan of colorization in general but I do have to say that they did a pretty good job with Earth vs. The Flying Saucers.  While the film may not be as deeply philosophical as Plan 9 From Outer Space, it’s still pretty enjoyable.

Keep watching the skies!

Against The Dark (2009, directed by Richard Crudo)


Legend has it that Steven Seagal’s film career was the result of a bet. The story goes that, in the late 80s, superagent Michael Ovitz, who was then the most powerful man in Hollywood, bet a studio exec that he could make the least appealing man he knew into a movie star. That man was Ovitz’s self-defense instructor, Steven Seagal.

I don’t know if that story is true but it’s as good an explanation as we’re going to get at to why Seagal was ever asked to star in a movie. Despite being a terrible actor who was universally disliked by everyone who worked with him, Steven Seagal was briefly a star in the 90s. Along with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, he was one three top B-action stars around. Lundgren’s appeal was that he could actually act. Van Damme’s appeal was that he was a true athlete and actually could do all of his own stunts. As for Seagal, he was packaged to be a star. He appeared in movie with actors who were talented enough to carry the drama while Seagal whispered his lines. He also worked with talented action director like Andrew Davis. For a while there, Seagal had it all.

It fell apart, of course. Seagal was his own worst enemy, fabricating details of his biography and acting like an ass whenever the cameras weren’t rolling. He was notorious for being difficult and every young actress trying to make it in the 90s had at least one horror story about Seagal harassing them at an audition. His appearance on Saturday Night Live was so bad that it’s still talked about as an example of what can happen when the show gets stuck with a terrible host.  According to the show’s then-cast members, Seagal insisted that the writers come up with a skit in which he would play a therapist who raped his patients. (Check out Tom Shales’s Live From New York for the details on Seagal’s time as host.) He directed two awful movies. Audiences cheered when his character was blown up in Executive Decision.  People stopped showing up for his movies and, for the past few years, Seagal has been better known as a tireless advocated for Vladimer Putin than for his work as a direct-to-video action star.

Against The Dark is one of Seagal’s many direct-to-video movies.  It’s also his first horror movie.  The movie takes place in the future, when vampire/zombie hybrids have taken over the city.  The film misses a major opportunity by not casting Steven Seagal as the head vampire.  When this film was made, Seagal was nearly 60, overweight, and out-of-shape.  He had the right look to play a decadent vampire king but instead, he was just plays his regular Seagal role.  He and his squad patrol the city with samurai swords, hacking up any vampires that they come across.  Seagal’s not actually in much of the film and his stunt double does most of the work.  When Seagal does appear, he looks like he’s trying to catch his breath.  It’s obvious that this film was just a paycheck for him.  There’s no speeches about protecting the environment.  He doesn’t even get out his guitar and sing.

Most of the movie deals with a separate group of survivors, who are stranded in a hospital and who are trying to find a way to escape before the military blows up the city.  Some of the fight scenes, especially the ones that don’t involve Seagal, are not terrible but the film itself is so badly lit that you usually can’t tell who is fighting whom.  There is one memorably weird scene of a female vampire filing down her fans so that she can pass as human but the movie doesn’t really follow up on it.  The movie doesn’t do much with any of it ideas.  Its obvious that vampires and zombies were used because they were hot and someone figured out that even Seagal’s fans were getting bored with him just fighting drug dealers and mercenaries.

Against the Dark is bad, even by the standards of late era Seagal.  Shortly after the movie was released, Seagal tried to reinvent himself as a reality TV star with Steven Seagal: Lawman.  When that and a subsequent threat to run for governor of Arizona didn’t do much for his career, Seagal went to Russia and, after receiving Russian citizenship, declared that he considered Vladimer Putin to be “like a brother” to him.  When asked about Seagal’s claim, Putin’s spokesman replied, “”I wouldn’t necessarily say he’s a huge fan, but he’s definitely seen some of his movies.”  Hopefully, the movie was Under Siege and not Against The Dark.

 

Horror On The Lens: The Phantom of the Opera (dir by Rupert Julian)


Today’s horror movie on the Shattered Lens is both a classic of silent era and one of the most influential horror films ever made.  It’s one that I previously shared in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2108, 2019, and 2020 but it’s such a classic that I feel that it is worth sharing a second (or fifth or even a sixth or perhaps a seventh) time.

First released in 1925, The Phantom of the Opera is today best known for both Lon Chaney’s theatrical but empathetic performance as the Phantom and the iconic scene where Mary Philbin unmasks him. However, the film is also a perfect example of early screen spectacle. The Phantom of the Opera was released during that period of time, between Birth of the Nation and the introduction of sound, when audiences expected films to provide a visual feast and Phantom of the Opera certainly accomplishes that. Indeed, after watching this film and reading Gaston Leroux’s original novel, it’s obvious that the musical was inspired more by the opulence of this film than by the book.

This film is also historically significant in that it was one of the first films to be massively reworked as the result of a poor test screening. The film’s ending was originally faithful to the end of the novel. However, audiences demanded something a little more dramatic and that’s what they got.

 

The TSL’s Grindhouse: The Last Laugh (dir by Jeremy Berg)


Myles (Steve Vanderzee) is a once-hot comedian whose career has been going downhill ever since 1) his wife died in a car accident and 2) he started taking medication to control his moods. Myles has now gone from playing packed comedy clubs to appearing in sleazy dives where he’s regularly cheated out of getting paid.

However, it appears that Myles finally has a chance to get back up on top! He’s been booked as the opening act for an egotistical comedy superstar! All Myles has to do is deliver one good set and his life will no longer be a joke. The only problem is that there’s a dead body in Myles’s dressing room and the staff of the theater is disappearing one-by-one. There’s a murderer stalking the theater and, at times, it seems like only Myles can see him. Is Myles — who hasn’t taken his pills — losing it or is there really a killer in the wings?

That’s the question asked by 2020’s The Last Laugh. It’s an intriguing question and the premise has a lot of promise but, unfortunately, the execution leaves even more to be desired. Not only are the victims rather generic but you also never really feel as if you know Myles. The film doesn’t show us much of his act so you really don’t know if the guy’s even all that funny. Since a lot of the movie hinges on whether or not Myles is willing to blow his shot at stardom in order to expose the murderer, it would be helpful to actually care about whether or not Myles becomes a star or not. Unfortunately, Myles isn’t really that likable or interesting of a character so who cares?

I did like the fact that the people behind The Last Laugh paid homage to some classic Italian horror films. Several of the shots of the killer creeping through the theater appeared to pay homage to Michele Soavi’s StageFright and there’s also a clever shout out to the Short Night Of The Glass Dolls at the end of the film. Unfortunately, there’s not really enough to the plot of The Last Laugh to make it memorable and the ambiguous ending will probably leave most viewers angry rather than intrigued. (Personally, I usually like ambiguous endings but, in this case, it just felt a little lazy.)

The Last Laugh has promise but it doesn’t really live up to it.

International Horror Film Review: The Phantom Carriage (dir by Victor Sjöström)


In this 1921 silent film from Sweden, Sister Edit (Astrid Holm) is dying on New Year’s Eve. She has tuberculosis, an illness that was once as common and as feared as COVID is today. Knowing that she doesn’t have long to live and that she probably won’t even make it through the night, she makes one last request. She wants to talk to David Holm (played by the film’s director Victor Sjostrom).

This request shocks everyone because David Holm is known for being a petty criminal and a notorious drunkard. As if to the prove their point, David is spending New Year’s Eve in a cemetery, getting drunk with two friends of his. He tells his friends about a legend that the last person to die on New Year’s Eve is cursed to spend the next year driving death’s carriage and collecting souls. David is obsessed with this legend because, last year, his best friend Georges died right before the clock turned twelve.

Believe it or not, David is actually right. Georges (Tore Svennberg) is currently steering his phantom carriage through the streets of the city, stopping to collect the souls of the recently departed. It’s not a job that Georges wants but it’s one that he’s destined to do until the end of the night. Once a new year begins, someone will take Georges’s place.

When a fight breaks out at the cemetery, David is struck over the head with a bottle, just as the clock strikes midnight. Georges promptly appears. It looks like David has a new job but, before he can get started, he has to deal with both Sister Edit’s request and his guilt over the collapse of his marriage to the tragic Anna (Hilda Borgström). Anna is now near death herself, struck down by the same disease that is killing Sister Edit, a disease that was quite possibly given to both of them by David himself. (It’s easy to imagine someone making a modern version of this film, with COVID replacing the consumption.)

When one hears that The Phantom Carriage is a Swedish film about death, one can probably be excused from thinking, “Aren’t all of them?” And it is true that Ingmar Bergman regularly cited The Phantom Carriage as being a huge influence on his own films, especially The Seventh Seal. And yet, to say that either The Phantom Carriage or The Seventh Seal are solely about death is to do a disservice to both films. The Phantom Carriage is about many things; love, guilt, regret, addiction, destiny, and the promise of redemption. In the end, it’s a film about life. After he’s struck on the head, David reflects on the life that led him to that moment and, finally, he sees how his life not only effected the lives of so many others but how their lives effected his own. It’s only after he’s hit on the head with that bottle and he rides the phantom carriage that he understands what the life he had was truly about.

Of course, for most people, the main appeal of the film will be viewing the ghostly carriage as it moves, unseen by the living, through the streets of the city. The film’s supernatural effects were captured through the use of double exposures, which may sound simple today but which was a very new technique way back in 1921. The images of the transparent ghosts and the carriage making is way through the living remain haunting. There’s a real sense of melancholy that runs through this film, an atmosphere of loss and regret that, a hundred years later, is still effective. It’s a film that plays out like a dream of life and death, light and darkness.

For a film that was released in the early (some would say primitive) years of narrative cinema, The Phantom Carriage holds up remarkably well. Though the film has its overly sentimental and melodramatic moments (it is, after all, a silent movie), the sight of that carriage continues to be hauntingly sad and beautiful.