Open House (1987, directed by Jag Mundhra)

Posted on October 14, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

A disturbed man named Harry starts calling Dr. David Kelly (Joseph Bottoms), a radio psychiatrist who is already being sued as a result of one of his patients killing herself on the air. Harry eats dog food and hates real estate agents because they keep trying to sell the houses in which he’s illegally squatting. The police even suspect that Harry may in fact be responsible for several recent realtor murders. When David mentions that his girlfriend, Lisa (Adrienne Barbeau), just happens to be a real estate agent, it looks like she might be Harry might have a new target!

Open House is from the same group of producers who gave the world Terror on Tour. Like Terror on Tour, it’s a pretty lousy film but at least Terror on Tour had a killer clown and a loud soundtrack. Open House has a bland synth soundtrack and a killer who could just as easily been a generic criminal of the week on an 80s cop show. Rick Hunter would have just blown this psycho away and said, “Works for me.” Because David needs to be redeemed for that patient who killed herself as a result of his bad advice, he gets a chance to encourage Harry to talk about his feelings. It leads to a very long monologue.

The main appeal of the film is that it features the beautiful Adrienne Barbeau but she doesn’t get to do much other than get menaced by Harry. Barbeau supposedly only accepted the roll so that she could use her paycheck to pay for her son’s tuition fees so at least something good came out of this film.

Open House is one of those films that I can remember being displayed prominently at the local video store that we used to visit when I was a kid. It was a popular rental, because it had a cool cover and the back of the box promised much more blood and gore than the film delivered. I can’t remember how old I was when I rented it but I do remember worrying about my mother figuring out what type of movie I had selected. I need not have worried because Open House was about as tame as they come.

Open House has never gotten anything more than a VHS release but it’s there on YouTube for anyone who wants to track it down. I rewatched it knowing that it was a boring film but I had forgotten just how boring. When it comes to this Open House, lock the door and throw away the key.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Hack-O-Lantern (dir by Jag Mundhra)

Posted on October 25, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Note that actor Hy Pyke’s name is misspelled on the cover of this Blu-ray.

Sometimes, you just see a film that simply cannot be reviewed in any conventional use of the term and that’s definitely the case with the 1988 slasher/Satanist/rock musical Hack-O-Lantern.

On Friday, I watched Hack-O-Lantern on Shudder. It was broadcast as a part of Joe Bob Brigg’s Last Drive-In Halloween special. I watched the film in a bizarre sort of daze, trying to figure out just what the Hell was actually going on. It’s a film that apparently has a plot but good luck figuring out what exactly that plot is. I do know that that the film is supposed to be taking place on Halloween night but, in the world of Hack-O-Lantern, Halloween is apparently a time when people get together and dance in a gym or something. Seriously, it’s a weird movie.

As far as I can tell, the film is about Tommy (Gregory Scott Cummings), who I guess is like the local trouble maker or something. He spends all of his time listening to heavy metal music and having these elaborate fantasies in which the members of a band rip off his head. Or, at least, I assume they were meant to be fantasies. Tommy’s brother, meanwhile, is a local cop and his mother is crazy and overprotective …. I think. As I said, the film’s plot was not always easy to follow and it actually took me a while to figure out that the earnest and innocent-looking cop was also Tommy’s brother. To be honest, I’m not really sure that words alone can express just how incoherent the plot of Hack-O-Lantern is. I could tell you that the film appears to have been edited with a chainsaw but even that would not begin to capture just how difficult it is to understand why one scene follows another in this film.

Anyway, Tommy’s Grandpa (Hy Pyke) might seem like he’s a fun-loving old man but actually, he’s in charge of the local Satanic cult. He wants to bring Tommy into the cult but apparently, Tommy might be ambivalent or Tommy might just not know that the cult exists. It’s really hard to figure out what exactly is going on inside of Tommy’s head, beyond the fact that it involves a heavy metal band beheading him. Grandpa’s plot to turn Tommy into a Satanist somehow leads to several murders at the Halloween dance. The murderer wears a devil’s mask and kills people in a variety of bloody ways. If you like cheap but effective gore effects, you’ll get something out of this film. The scene with shovel is especially nasty.

It’s a bit of a strange Halloween dance, to be honest. For one thing, there’s a stripper who shows up for no particular reason and who appears to be like 70 years old. There’s also a stand-up comedian who pops up out of literally nowhere and does this long routine that has nothing to do with Satanism, Halloween, or people getting killed with shovels. Why is the comedian there? Why does the film spend so much time on him? Where does he disappear to after he tells his bizarrely long joke? These are the type of questions that you’re forced to ponder while trying to figure out what the Hell’s going on in Hack-O-Lantern.

The thing is that, as easy as it is to criticize a film like Hack-O-Lantern, there really is no other film like it. Sure, there are other slasher films. There are other films about Satanists. There are even other films that feature a random stand-up comedian and a lot of gratuitous nudity. But there are few films that mix all of those elements together quite as incoherently as Hack-O-Lantern. As such, Hack-O-Lantern is an oddly fascinating film. You watch the film and you wonder, “How the Hell did this happen?” And for that reason, it’s worth tracking down and watching.

Do I recommend Hack-O-Lantern?

Hell yeah, I do.

A Movie A Day #261: Tropical Heat (1993, directed by Jag Mundhra)

Posted on September 26, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

In India, a maharaja is killed when an elephant steps on him. His widow, an American named Beverly (Maryam d’Abo) stands to receive five million dollars but the life insurance company wants to make sure that the maharajah is actually dead before paying. Luckily, insurance exec Carolyn (Lee Anne Beaman) knows the world’s stupidest private investigator, a man named Gravis (Rick Rossovich). Gravis is busy house sitting a friend’s mansion and says he does not want to go to India but, after having sex with Carolyn in the pool, he changes his mind. Once he arrives, he casually investigates the maharaja’s death whenever he is not busy having sex with Beverly. During the course of his “investigation,” Gravis meets a young Indian woman (Asha Siewkumar), who thinks that there is more to the maharjah’s death than just a rogue elephant. Gravis has sex with her, too. Eventually, the movie runs out of people for Gravis to have sex with and it ends.

Though it often seems like it should be, Tropical Heat is not a comedy. An American-Indian co-production, Tropical Heat is a softcore neo-noir, the type that used to dominate late night Cinemax. By the standards of Skinemax, Tropical Heat is still pretty bad, with both Rossovich and d’Abo looking like they would have rather been anywhere other than this movie. Filmed on location, Tropical Heat highlights all of the ugliest, most crowded urban areas of India and then, for some reason, has Gravis telling everyone that he meets that he cannot believe how beautiful the country is. All of the hilariously bad dialogue sounds as if it was written by someone who learned how to speak English from watching someone else play Leisure Suit Larry.

If you want to see a good show about self-centered Americans in India, stick with that episode of Seinfeld where everyone goes to India for Sue Ellen Mischke’s wedding.