Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!

Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress.  In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family.  Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.

While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.

“Name?” the nurse asks.

“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.

No, Vinnie!  She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure.  The nurse then asks, “What month?”  When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”

“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”

This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back.  That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.

Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs.  The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie.  Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up.  As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”

Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.”  Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes.  One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did.  They ran off together and one thing led to another.

Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.

“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.

Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”

Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.”  “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.

Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.”  When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about.  I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”

As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx.  Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade.  So, I guess that’s the end of that story.

Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls.  TWINS!  Gabe will have to double up on the jokes.  Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.

This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics.  For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga.  Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.

Next week: Julie’s parents come to visit!