Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.4 “Bangers”

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Victor gets a plot.

Episode 2.4 “Bangers”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Victor del Toro, who often doesn’t get to do much on this show, finally gets a storyline of his very own. Unfortunately, it involves trying to keep a young man for his old neighborhood from joining a gang. One thing that you can always count on whenever you watch any sort of cop show from the 90s, if there’s a Latino cop in the cast, he’s going to have to keep someone from joining a gang. It was one of the biggest cliches on the 90s.

And don’t get me wrong. Gangs are a reality in America and they are a problem. At the same time, though, is there a reason why every time a Latino appeared on a show like this, they always seemed to either be in a gang or on the verge of joining a gang? Not every Latino family is poor, not every young Latino male is struggling with the pressure to join a gang, and for that matter, not every Latino with a tattoo is a member of a street gang.

While Victor dealt with the gangs moving into the neighborhood, Chris and Corey decided to rent an apartment together. Needless to say, things didn’t go well. Corey reveals that she is hyperorganized and likes to keep every surface in the apartment clean and spotless. (I don’t really see what that’s a problem.) Chris is revealed to be a slob who hangs her clothes around the kitchen and who pours a box of cereal out on the floor because she’s tired of Corey always cleaning. Isn’t Chris supposed to be a hotshot fighter pilot? I mean, up until this episode, there was absolutely nothing about her character that would suggest that she was incapable of picking up her clothes. I would think that, being a member of the Air Force, she would actually have had some sort of discipline drilled into her. It’s kind of like how soldiers still tend to stand at attention even while visiting their families. Anyway, this storyline ends with Chris throwing food around the apartment and Corey grabbing a pair of scissors and attacking Chris’s laundry …. wait, what? I’m sorry, this is psychotic behavior.

Don’t worry, though. Chris and Corey share a laugh about it and agree to remain friends but not roommates. Uhm, Chris …. Corey took a pair of scissors to your clothes. I mean, I don’t like sloppy people either but I generally don’t try to destroy their possessions.

Of course, the main problem with this episode is the same problem that all of the episodes have had. They’re cops on bikes! They wear shorts and polo shirts and they spend all of their time insisting that they’re real cops even though it’s obvious that they aren’t. Real cops don’t ride bicycles with baskets on the back.

This episode did not leave me with much confidence in California law enforcement.

“Don’t Lie”, Dir. Alex Magana, Short Film Review By Case Wright

Posted on May 13, 2025 by casewright

So we meet again….Alex … Magana. Now look, I assume that most of my readers are good, kind, and decent, but what if you’re not?! I mean what if you’re not that great or you did one REALLY bad thing that you feel guilty about. I’m not saying putting your neighbor in a woodchipper kind of thing, but let’s just include the lessor felonies. If you just need that self-flagellation, my dear ne’er-do-well compadre, this film and Alex Magana is for you.

Alex Magana assaults the senses and art herself. In fact, from the hackneyed plots to the p*rn quality acting, he is the Ed Wood of the digital age! If you don’t believe me, check out the “Smiling Woman”… SERIES…yes, it’s a series! I refuse to call it a franchise! I won’t do it! Luckily, your misery is brief because as terrible as Alex Magana’s films are – he can’t write stories longer than 4 minutes.

“Don’t Lie” shows an influencer, who I think seems a little old for the gig; however, we must let all things slide with Alex. Typically, Alex just films out of his apartment and the hall in his apartment building. The lead actress could be homeless or just live near the building; so, she could be young, but life on the street is hard. In fact, all of the actors could be homeless and this brief filming was their only exposure to …. home. *Sheds Tear*

The story continues where her boyfriend stages her murder to gain additional subscribers, which doesn’t make sense because why subscribe to the deceased? But, Whatever. A psycho then teaches her and her boyfriend a lesson about … honesty… with a knife. Apparently, neither she nor her boyfriend understand how their legs can make them move around and even away from things or people.

If we look at “Don’t Lie” like an industrial film, like “The Importance of Good Manners”, “Why you should drive safely”, and “Don’t ever put that in your Bu..” anyway. My point is that maybe “Don’t Lie” is salvageable as a lesson film. The lesson is this: Don’t let Alex Magana have any recording devices! EVER! He’s got to be stopped! He’s really prolific! How is paying for all this very very low budget dreck?!

Song of the Day: Brand New Key by Melanie

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Dazzling Erin

I can’t remember how old I was the first time that I heard this song but I do know I was pretty young. I heard it while going through my mom’s record collection and I loved singing along to it. For years, I thought this was just a cute song about roller skates. I listened to it because every year, I had a brand new pair of skates too! I liked to ride my bicycle too. This song was fun!

Eventually, I actually started to pay attention to the lyrics and I realized the sone was actually about a lot more than skating!

Listen for yourself:

I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller-skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you’re avoiding me
I’m okay alone, but you’ve got something I need

Well, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates
You’ve got a brand-new key
I think that we should get together
And try them on to see
I’ve been looking around a while
You’ve got something for me
Oh, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates
You’ve got a brand-new key

I ride my bike, I roller-skate, don’t drive no car
Don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don’t drive
I’ve been all around the world
Some people say I’ve done alright for a girl

Oh, yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

I asked your mother if you were at home
She said, yes, but you weren’t alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you’re avoiding me
I’m okay alone, but you’ve got something I need

Well, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates
You’ve got a brand-new key
I think that we should get together
And try them on to see
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
Oh, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates
You’ve got a brand-new key

Jungle Siren (1942, directed by Sam Newfield)

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Captain Gary Hart (Buster Crabbe) and his sidekick, Sgt. Mike Jenkins (Paul Bryar), are sent to the jungles of Africa, where Nazi infiltrators are encouraging Chief Selangi (Jess Lee Brooks) to side with the Third Reich and allow them to set up a base. In their effort to stop the Nazis, Hart and Jenkins are aided by Kuhlaya (Ann Corio), a woman whose parents were killed by Selangi and who now lives in the jungle with a chimpanzee and a doctor (Milton Kibbee) who serves as her protector. Kuhlaya carries a bow and arrow, which she used to battle the Nazis. Hart and Jenkins have actual guns and probably could have ended the Nazi plot early just by using them as soon as they arrived but then the movie couldn’t be stretched to 68 minutes.

This is a pretty bad Poverty Row film, memorable just for Crabbe’s typically earnest and athletic performance and the presence of Ann Corio, who was a famous stripper in the 40s who tried to transition into films after Mayor La Guardia ordered the closure of New York’s burlesque houses. Corio had legs for miles but she was a terrible actress. At one point, Mike Jenkins says that if he keeps exercising, “I’ll have a physique like Buster Crabbe!” That’s about as clever as this slow-moving film gets.

As is typical of jungle films that were made in the 40s, the “tribesmen” are pretty much treated as if they’re interchangeable and the only one who is given a personality is the evil Selangi. Several of them are killed over the course of the movie, not because they were doing anything wrong but just because they were in the wrong place. (The most egregious example is an innocent native who ends up with one of Kuhlaya’s arrows in his back because he was unfortunate enough to step in front of Selangi at the last moment.) No one, our heroes included, really seems to care about them or their future. Even by the standards of the era, Jungle Siren feels extremely condescending and prejudiced in its portrayal of the natives. The idea that the Nazis, with their Aryan obsession, would ever team up with Chief Selangi is just one of the film’s problems.

Director Sam Newfield was responsible for some entertaining and cheap westerns. I’ve reviewed a few of them. He should have stayed out the jungle.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.16 “Eternal Flame/My Date With Burt”

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, our trip is all about getting older.

Episode 6.16 “Eternal Flame/My Date With Burt”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 5th, 1983)

When I first saw that one of the fantasies this week was called “My Date With Burt,” my immediate assumption was that someone would come to Fantasy Island and demand to go on a date with Burt Reynolds. I was actually looking forward to seeing if Burt would play himself or if they would just have some stand-in who was always shot from behind. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

The Burt in this case is Burt Hunter (Ron Ely), an actor who is the latest to be cast as a James Bond-type of secret agent. Margaret Winslow (Sandra Dee) has a crush on him and wants to meet him. For his part, Burt is depressed because he’s getting older and the producers of his films want to replace him with a younger actor. At first, Burt just goes out with Margaret in order to generate some publicity for himself. He hires a stuntman to fake a fight so that Burt can emerge as a big ol’ hero. Burt is trying to save his career but Margaret is not amused by any of that. Margaret realizes that films are not real life. Margaret’s pretty old to only now be figuring that out. Anyway, Margaret and Burt still fall in love and leave the Island together.

This fantasy was predictable but it did give us one of those fun Tattoo subplots where Tattoo claimed to be Burt Hamilton’s best friend and tried to get involved in managing his career. Tattoo always had a side hustle going and good for him! One gets the feeling that Roarke didn’t pay him that much. Seriously, Tattoo was always trying to find a way to make more money. Pay the man what he’s worth, Mr. Roarke!

Our other fantasy features Linwood Bolton and Randi Oakes as Alex and Diana Weston, two newlyweds who want to find the Fountain of Youth so that they can be young and in love forever. Yay! Roarke has them take a dip in a pool and, when they emerge, they’re on an isolated island that is ruled over by Ra-Mas (Alex Cord) and Maatira (the great Stella Stevens). Maatira will let them drink from the fountain but there’s a catch …. one of the cups is full of poison! Alex can be eternally young and he can be spend the rest of eternity as Maatira’s lover but Diana has to die. And Diana does die. Luckily, the water from the fountain can also bring people back to life.

This was a weird fantasy and you really do have to wonder what would have happened if Alex hadn’t come to his senses and if Diana hadn’t been revived. Would Roarke have just shrugged and told Tattoo to burn Diana’s passport? It just doesn’t seem like that would be good for business. That said, Stella Stevens was an actress who was always willing to embrace the melodrama and she does so here, keeping things somewhat entertaining.

This was a pleasant if not particularly memorable trip to the Island.

Brad’s “Scene of the Day” – The revenge training sequence from FULL CONTACT (1992), starring Chow Yun-Fat!

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Bradley Crain

One of my favorite Chow Yun-Fat action films is Ringo Lam’s FULL CONTACT. Up until FULL CONTACT, Chow Yun-Fat was mostly the suave hitman or tough cop in his action films. Here, he’s a man content with operating on the wrong side of the law to try to get ahead. Unfortunately, he is betrayed by his best friend and criminal cohorts and left for dead in a foreign country. This rock-fueled montage sequence shows him healing up and then preparing to take his revenge, while his best friend / betrayer tries to “be there” for his girlfriend who thinks he’s dead. It’s a badass, multi-fingerless, Chow Yun-Fat who wears bandanas, rides a motorcycle, hangs with a cute dog, and ultimately takes no prisoners. My guess is this scene will make you want to watch FULL CONTACT!

(Note: The video is frozen for the first 8 seconds. After that, the fun begins)

Trailer: Nobody 2

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Arleigh

Ilya Naishuller’s 2021 action-comedy Nobody caught everyone by surprise. Many thought it was just a quick cash-grab to take advantage of the success with the John Wick action series. Nobody was released in the middle of the pandemic, yet it was received very positive reviews from critics and audiences, alike.

It was a no-brainer that a sequel would be greenlit. It took awhile to happen but most of the cast and crew are back with the exception of director Ilya Naishuller. Indonesian director Timo Tjahjanto now takes the director’s seat with some new, but familiar faces (Sharon Stone and Colin Hanks) joining the previous cast (Bob Odenkirk, Colin Salmon, Connie Nielsen, Christopher Lloyd and RZA).

From this first trailer, Nobody 2 looks to retain the action-comedy tone of the first, but with the visual flair of Timo Tjahjanto (see The Night Comes for Us for example of how batshit crazy his action turn out).

Nobody 2 arrives in theaters on August 15, 2025.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Harvey Keitel Edition!

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Bradley Crain

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is Harvey Keitel’s 86th birthday! Harvey Keitel is one of the great, fearless actors of our time (BAD LIEUTENANT, anyone). He has been working hard since 1965, and he’s still going strong today, adding up to a career that spans 60 years and counting. His work for great directors like Scorsese and Tarantino has been vital to the quality and success of those films. I really came to appreciate Keitel when he had somewhat of a career resurgence in the early 90’s when I was in my late teens. He’s just a great actor who makes everything he appears in better.

Today, in honor of Harvey Keitel’s 86th birthday, here are 4 Shots from 4 Films!

MEAN STREETS (1973)