Daily Archives: October 8, 2024

October Positivity: The Friend (dir by Robert Thomason and Gary T. Smith)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Having been recently diagnosed with serious heart problems and having also recently lost his wife in a car accident, James Bragg (Gary T. Smith) collapses when he’s informed that he has been fired from his job.  When he opens his eyes, he discovers that his office is on fire.  A man in a suit (Clay Butler) claims to be an agent with the Department of Homeland Security and he explains that the building has been bombed.

“By who?” James asks.

“Al Qaeda.  Boko Haram.  Mexican drug cartels,” the man replies.

James asks for the man for his name.  The man smiles and says that must people call him Bub.

Bub leads James through the burning building, explaining that he’s taking James to safety.  However, as the flames grow higher, James hears a voice saying, “Don’t follow him.”  Bub says that the voice is just a ploy of the terrorists but James isn’t quite so sure….

As soon as I tell you that 2023’s The Friend is faith-based film, you’ll probably be able to guess where this story is going.  Will James follow Bub onto the elevator going down or will he listen to the voice telling him not to follow.  Will James remember that Bub is a nickname for Beezlebub, one of the more fearsome of the demons that are said to populate Hell?  Will James make peace with the death of his wife and find the strength to continue?  Who will James’s new friend be?  Will it be Bub or will it be the older man who always seems to be showing up in the background?

Again, you can probably guess where all this is heading but The Friend is still a well-made and surprisingly well-acted meditation on life, death, and faith and, with the exception of two scenes, it’s a film that does a good job of avoiding the preachiness that one expects to find in films like this.  Along with co-directing and co-writing the script, Gary T. Smith starts in the film and he gives a good performance as a man overwhelmed by both his mortality and the loss of the person who gave his life meaning.  Smith does a good job of showing how it’s the little things that hurt us the most when we’re missing someone.  Even an act of kindness, like a co-worker expressing sincere sympathy, can cause the pain of a recent loss to flare up.  Of course, for many viewers, the film will work because it makes Bub a government agent.  The implication, whether deliberate or not, is that an authoritarian like Bub is right at home working as a federal agent and that he has no problem using James’s understandable fear of a terrorist attack as a way to convince James to give up everything that was previously important to him.  Obviously, I don’t know that the filmmaker had any sort of political statement in mind when they made Bub an agent of Homeland Security but it does certainly provide an interesting subtext to the film.

Actually, I’m a bit surprised that Bub didn’t apply for a job with TSA.  Imagine the pain and misery he could spread there!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.13 “Nights to Dragon One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch and Ryan play a deadly game!

Episode 2.13 “Nights to Dragon One”

(Dir by Richard Friedman, originally aired on February 16th, 1997)

Mitch and Ryan are hired to discover what has happened to a father and his daughter.  When last seen, they were entering a mysterious building.  The father was a lifelong adventurer and he had apparently heard that the building was home to “the ultimate game.”  Along with daughter, he had to play.  Now, they’re both missing.

So, of course, Mitch and Ryan enter the building and soon find themselves in a computer-simulated dungeon, complete with traps, deadly archers, random flames, and a cackling Game Master (Vincent Schiavelli) who occasionally materializes so he can taunt Mitch and Ryan about their lack of progress in the game.

Ryan is actually excited about playing the game, explaining the she played an earlier version of it when she was in college.  All Mitch cares about is saving the man and his daughter.  Mitch doesn’t get the point of computer simulations and virtual reality and all that sort of thing.  Mitch probably thinks that email is just a fad as well.  Mitch is the guy who goes to an escape room and, instead of reading the clues, just tries to break the door down.

And yet, it’s Mitch who ends up entering and winning the final confrontation with the Game Master, even though Ryan points out that it would make more sense for her to do it because she’s actually played the game before.  Sorry, Ryan.  The Hoff is here to save the day so just stand back and be quiet, I guess.

Vincent Schiavelli is a welcome presence as the Game Mater and he at least seems to be having fun with his role.  That said, this is the worst episode of Baywatch Nights that I’ve seen so far and that includes out of the episodes from the non-supernatural first season as well.  A huge problem is that the game itself is just boring.  Mitch and Ryan have to make their way through a corridor of laser beams.  Mitch and Ryan have to avoid the arrows being shot at them by a mysterious archer.  Considering that this is a computer simulation where, in theory, anything could happen, this episode is a huge missed opportunity.  Things should have been a lot stranger than they were.

Finally, this is one of those episodes where the camera never stops moving.  As opposed to being disorientating or frightening, the constant movement just becomes annoying.  There’s only so many Dutch angles that can be used in one scene before they lose their effectiveness.

This game could have been a lot of fun but instead, it’s just kind of dull.  The Hoff wins but honestly, I feel like I could have won it as well.  The Hoff/Angie chemistry is still strong but it’s not enough to save this middling episode.

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 1.19 “The Captain’s Guests” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, a couple moves into a house on the coast.  Everyone tells them that the house is haunted but the couple refuses to believe them.  After all, everyone knows how superstitious people are in New England.  Everyone’s heard the story of the haunted mudroom, right?

However, after moving into the house, the couple starts to realize that they are not alone….

According to the show’s host, John Newland, this is based on a true story (maybe)!

This episode originally aired on May 26th, 1959.  The husband is played by Robert Webber, who also played Juror #12 in Sidney Lumet’s 12 Angry Men.

Enjoy!

October Hacks: Evil Laugh (dir by Dominick Brascia, Jr.)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

“You know what they say, Sam!  Everyone wants a piece of a medical student.”

“That’s sick, Punk Rock Dan.”

So say two radio hosts towards the end of the 1986 film, Evil Laugh.

Evil Laugh is a slasher film that was directed by Dominick Brascia, the actor who appeared as Joey, the most annoying character ever, in Friday the 13th Part V.  Joey was the fat kid who got on everyone’s nerves by offering them a chocolate bar.  Eventually, he made the mistake of approach axe-crazy Vic while Vic was holding an actual axe.  “You know I’ve never chopped wood before but it looks like fun,” Joey said.  “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Vic shouted.  “Okay, Vic …. but I think you’re way out of line.”  Vic responded by burying his axe in Joey’s back and I imagine audiences cheered.  Seriously, Joey was that annoying.

Evil Laugh actually contains some references to Friday the 13th.  One of the potential victims, a medical student named Barney (Jerold Pearson) is a horror movie buff who points out that the reason that Jason keeps coming back to Camp Crystal Lake is because everyone keeps having sex.  Unfortunately, none of his friends listen to him.

Barney is one of a group of med students who are spending the weekend at an abandoned orphanage.  Years ago, an employee named Martin was falsely accused by the orphans of abusing them.  Martin’s father committed suicide from the shame and Martin went on a killing rampage before setting the place on fire.  (And yet, the building still stands without so much as a burn mark.)  A doctor has decided to reopen the orphanage and, in the tradition of Steve Christy and the counselors he got killed at Crystal Lake, he has recruited  a bunch of med students to help him get the place ready to go.  The doctor has already been killed by the time the med students arrives but they get to work anyway.

The cool thing about this movie is that there’s a cleaning montage.  Everyone really gets into cleaning.  I could relate to that.  Another cool thing about this movie is that there are a few moments when it reveals itself to have a sense of humor.  Barney is a horror fan and is constantly pointing out that everything that is happening is like something that would happen in a slasher film.  Barney’s friends are dismissive of him and, as a result, things don’t go well for them.  The deaths are all memorable.  As well, the film’s ending worked surprisingly well.  Finally, the last cool thing about this movie is that, towards the end, one character got to wear the really pretty black kimono.  As soon as the movie ended, I decided to order myself a new black kimono.

That said, I don’t want to overpraise Evil Laugh.  It had its moments and I think it can be argued that it had more “good moments” than the average low-budget, independently-made 80s slasher film.  At the same time, some of the acting truly is unfortunate and it does seem to take a while for the film to really achieve any sort of narrative momentum.  For every scene that works, there’s another one that’s just downright boring.  Evil Laugh is not an overlooked classic but, again, it has its moments.

 

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Dreamaniac (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1986’s Dreamaniac, Adam (Thomas Bern) is a total dork who lives with his much more popular sister, Pat (Ashlyn Gere).  Adam aspires to be a heavy metal superstar and he is very much interested in the occult.  He’s been having dreams about being visited by a sultry and mysterious woman named Lily (Sylvia Summers).  When he performs a Satanic ritual to summon her for real, Lily offers him anything that he wants.  Instead of asking her to turn him into the world’s greatest guitarist or something smart like that, Adam asks to be irresistible to women.

Seriously, Adam, if you were the world’s greatest guitarist, you would be getting laid all the time whether you were irresistible or not.  The ugliest guy in the world is still be sexy if he can play guitar.  Take a look at the Rolling Stones and its long history of ugly guitar players who all looked good as long as they were playing.  Take a look at …. oh, I don’t know.  I’m tired and I’m just trying to pad out this review because there’s not much to be said about this movie.  Let’s move on.

Anyway, Adam gets his wish but he also has to kill the women so that Lily can take their soul and …. eh, that’s stupid.  Like Adam, why would you agree to such a counter-productive agreement?  Adam was so desperate to get a girlfriend that he apparently didn’t consider that none of them would really live long enough for him to have a real relationship with them.  What an idiot.

After Adam sells his soul or whatever it is that he’s supposed to be doing with Lily, Pat throws a party at the house and a bunch of shallow sorority girls and fraternity boys come over and everyone dies one-by-one, usually right after having sex.  No one really notices that everyone at the party is dying but then again, no one in this movie really seems to like anyone else so maybe they just don’t care.

Dreamaniac kind of ticked me off, largely because the title should have been Dream Maniac instead of Dreamaniac.  I guess I would have let them even get away with something like Dreammaniac.  But Dreamaniac, with only one m, just doesn’t make sense and looking at the word makes my multi-colored eyes tear up.  This may sound like a petty complaint but there’s honestly not much to be said about Dreamaniac.  It’s one of those low-budget, shot on video horror films where the lighting is often so dark and the soundtrack so muddy that you’re never really sure what’s happening on-screen.  I dare anyone to watch this film and seriously try to tell one character a part from another.  I had no idea who half the characters were and quite frankly, I didn’t care.  This was one of David DeCoteau’s earlier films and it has none of the subversiveness that distinguished DeCoteau’s better efforts.  (Considering the harsh tone of this review, I feel like I should point out that DeCoteau has directed some truly entertaining movies.  Dreamaniac is certainly not the film that should be used to judge his overall career.)

Of course, today, DeCoteau is best known for directing the “Wrong” films for Lifetime.  And really, I think the only thing that could have saved Dreamaniac would have been Vivica A. Fox showing up and saying, “Adam, you picked The Wrong Succubus.”

Dark Flower (2011, directed by Gloria G. Ruiz)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

In Dark Flower, found footage foolishness abounds when the crew of a paranormal television show go to the woods to investigate a series of disappearances and instead end up being chased by the usual supernatural ghostlies and ghoulies.  Hell, they’re probably being chased by the Blair Witch too.  This movie isn’t shy about announcing what it’s copying.  The camera shakes so we know it’s supposed to be authentic found footage and also to keep us from focusing on how bad the acting is and how low-rent the scares are.  The television crew even like to film themselves when they’re just hanging out at home or selling drugs on the ranch.  There’s not a compelling character to be found and the story is impossible to follow.

This movie does not appear to be listed on the imdb, though it’s on all the other movie sites.  Maybe it really did happen!  Nah.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.12 “The Magic Camera/Mata Hari/Valerie”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week’s episode presents your erstwhile reviewer with a bit of an ethical quandary.

Episode 5.12 “The Magic Camera/Mata Hari/Valerie”

(Dir by Don Chaffey and Don Weis, originally aired on January 16th, 1982)

I don’t feel completely comfortable about reviewing this episode of Fantasy Island and I’ll tell you why.

Occasionally, Fantasy Island would broadcast an extra-long episode.  These episodes would typically feature three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.  Unfortunately, when these long episodes were syndicated, one of the fantasies would be edited out so the episode would fit into an hour-long slot.  Usually, the editing was not particularly smooth, either.  The end result would usually be an episode that seemed oddly paced and the performances of Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize would often seem uneven as well.  As such, it’s neither easy nor particularly fair to review those edited episodes.  When it comes to reviewing, I always want to see the complete episode.

And yet, now that the original Fantasy Island is no longer streaming anywhere (seriously, what the Hell, Tubi?), I’m stuck using the episodes that I have on my DVR.  And that means reviewing the edited, syndicated versions of these episodes.

As you can probably guess, this is one of those edited episodes.  The Valerie fantasy was removed for syndication.  That’s a shame because Valerie featured the final televised performance of actor Christopher George, a charismatic B-movie veteran who is pretty popular around the Shattered Lens offices.  It also featured Michelle Phillips, though apparently she did not return as the mermaid who she played earlier on the show.  I’d love to review Valerie but I can’t.  And that sucks,

As for the other two fantasies, one is basically a remake of the Lillian Russell fantasy, except this time Martha Harris (Phyllis Davis) goes into the past and finds herself transformed into her great-grandmother, Mata Hari.  She gets to dance.  She gets to spy.  She gets thrown in prison and sentenced to death but, fortunately, her life is spared when the firing squad’s rifles are filled with blanks and she’s given a drug by one of the men who is in love with that makes her appear to be dead.  This was a enjoyable fantasy, mostly because of the costumes and the melodrama.

The other fantasy features Bob Denver, coming to the Island for the second week in a row.  This time, he’s a photographer who wants to take the type of pictures that the world’s greatest photographers couldn’t.  Because of the awkward way the fantasy was stated, the photographer ends up with a camera that takes pictures of the future.  At first, the photographer is really happy and uses his camera to commit a little insider trading.  But then he takes a picture of a newspaper and sees a headline announcing his death in a fiery auto accident.  Uh-oh!

Again, neither of the two fantasies is bad (though the second one does require a certain tolerance for Bob Denver that some people may not have) but it was hard for me to enjoy them knowing that I was missing out on a third fantasy.  For that reason, I assigning this episode a grade of incomplete.  If I ever get a chance to watch the complete episode, uncut, I’ll revisit this review but until then, I really can’t give an overall grade to this episode.

Finally, for those keeping track, both Julie and Tattoo join Roarke when it’s time to greet the guests.  That’s only second time that’s happened this season.

Scenes I Love: The Monster Escapes In Bride of Frankenstein

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s scene comes from 1935’s Bride of Frankenstein.  The villagers want to execute the Monster (Boris Karloff).  The Monster has other ideas.

This scene epitomizes what made the first two Karloff Frankenstein films so effective.  As scary and as destructive as the Monster may be, he’s nowhere near as bad or deliberately sadistic as the humans around him.  He’s a monster who is definitely more of a victim than a victimizer, someone who has been cruelly tossed into a world that he doesn’t understand and who has been persecuted nonstop since the moment he was created.  It’s hard not to feel sorry for Karloff’s Monster, no matter what he does.  And it’s hard not to cheer a little when he escapes, even though it does inevitably lead to more tragedy and heartbreak.

October True Crime: The Ripper (dir by Christopher Lewis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the 1985’s The Ripper, a straight-to-video, regional production, Richard Hartwell (Tom Schreier) is a college professor who teaches a class on Jack the Ripper.  He discusses Jack the Ripper films, though he does at one point accidentally say that Murder By Decree starred Christopher Lee as Sherlock Holmes.  (Lee did play Mycroft Holmes in The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes).  He talks about some of the conspiracy theories that surround the Ripper.  He encourages his students to try to move beyond the version of Jack the Ripper that’s been sold to them by Hollywood.  Some of his fellow professors think that it’s a strange class and I kind of agree.  I mean, can you really do an entire semester on just Jack the Ripper?

One day, while shopping at an antique store with his girlfriend, Carol (Mona Van Pernis), Richard comes across an antique ring.  Even though the ring is way too big and kind of gauche, Carol loves it.  Richard decides to secretly buy it for her.  Unfortunately — and this is quite a coincidence considering Richard’s profession — the ring once belonged to Jack the Ripper.  And, by putting the ring on his finger, Richard is allowing Jack the Ripper to come back to life in 80s Oklahoma!

Soon, local women are being murdered in ways that duplicate the grisly crimes of Whitechapel.  The police suspect that it might be one of Richard’s students.  When Richard sleeps, he’s haunted by dreams about the crimes, with the Ripper always appearing in the shadows.  When the Ripper is finally revealed, it turns out that he’s …. TOM SAVINI!?

Well, kind of.  Tom Savini does appear as Jack the Ripper towards the end of the film.  Reportedly, he flew from Philadelphia to Oklahoma and shot his big scene in one day.  For the rest of the film, though, the Ripper was played by a stand-in who was always either seen from behind or seen standing in the darkness with his face usually obscured.  The few glimpses we do get of the stand-in’s face, it’s obvious that he looks very little like Tom Savini.  (He does have a mustache and a beard but they both look like they were pasted on.)  When Savini does actually play the Ripper, he seems slightly embarrassed by the whole thing.  Tom Savini has always been a pretty good actor but, in The Ripper, he’s not given much to do other than glower at the camera with an evil look on his face.  There’s little of the humor that Savini has brought to other roles and that’s a shame because Tom Savini can be a very charming actor when he’s allowed to poke fun at his image.

That said, I have to admit that I have a weakness for low-budget, regional films.  In this case, it helps that I’ve spent enough time in Oklahoma, as both a visitor and an occasional resident, that I felt like I could immediately recognize almost every location in the film.  There’s a DIY-charm to the film, one that is evident in both the stiff but likable performances and the gore effects, which are occasionally effective and occasionally rather cheesy.  (A decapitation scene manages to be both.)  Savini, I should mention, did not work on the special effects.  This is a silly, nonsensical horror film that runs about 20 minutes too long but it’s just such a product of its time and place (i.e., Oklahoma in the mid-80s) that it’s rather fascinating as a time capsule.  I mean, this may be the only Jack the Ripper film to feature an aerobics montage.  It doesn’t get more 80s than that!

Horror Novel Review: Aftershock by Robert W. Walker

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Dangerous work is being done at the Coppelmier Center For Disease Control.  In an underground lab that sits beneath a major American city, three scientists are working on creating the ultimate biological weapon.  That’s definitely not a good thing, especially when you consider that the city in question is Los Angeles and Los Angeles has a history of getting hit by earthquakes.  You would think that Dr. Leo G. Coppelmier would have understood that building his underground bio weapon lab in a place known to randomly and violently shake was a bad idea.  But Dr. Coppelmier is a wealthy genius and he wants to do things his way.

Of course, an earthquake does hit.  And, of course, a really dangerous plague is set free.  Soon, a horrifying creature with claws is killing people all over Los Angeles, removing their heads and their spinal columns and leaving the bodies in the sewers.  (Yuck!)  Could this be related to the earthquake and the mutated virus that was set free as a result?  Of course it does …. but good luck getting the powers-to-be to admit it!  The government would always rather cover up a problem than admit they played a role in creating it.

Reporter Bill Quinn is determined to discover and reveal the truth and he’s got two scientists and his best friend helping him out.  But will he be able to track down and stop the killer before the plague is spread even further?

Published in 1987, Aftershock is a quick and pulpy read, one that feels like a gory throwback to the B-movies of the 50s and 60s, the ones in which some scientist would make the mistake of trying to play God and end up getting transformed into a fly or a member of the Alligator People.  The subtext of those movies always seemed to be that it was dangerous to look for too many answers and that scientists should stop trying to change things just for the sake of changing them.  The subtext of Aftershock is not quite as reactionary, instead it just suggests that it’s dangerous to build a bioweapon lab on the San Andreas fault and I agree with that.  Aftershock is a violent and bloody tale that holds your attention and offers some genuinely frightening imagery.  Reading it today, it’s hard not think about the fact that COVID undoubtedly escaped from a lab as well.  After everything that we, as a society, have been through over the past four years, books about mad scientists and poorly-planned lab schemes hit a little bit differently nowadays.