Monthly Archives: March 2024

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.1 and 2.2 “A Song For Jason”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Highway to Heaven begins its second season with a two-part episode.

Episodes 2.1 and 2.2 “A Song For Jason”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 18th and September 25th, 1985)

Well, this is certainly a tear jerker.

The two-part second season opener of Highway to Heaven finds Jonathan and Mark assigned to work at Camp Good Times, an actual summer camp for children who have cancer.  And while Jonathan is, as usual, enthusiastic about the assignment, Mark responds by begging to be allowed to sit this one out.  Jonathan’s response is to tell Mark to stop feeling sorry for himself and to help the kids.  Mark starts to walk away from his friendship with Jonathan until he runs into one of the kids, Jason (Joshua John Miller, whose best-known work as an actor might be as the scary child vampire in Near Dark).  Jason basically repeats the same thing that Jonathan said, telling Mark that he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself.  Mark realizes that if a kid like Jason can be brave in the face of cancer then the least Mark can do is spend a summer as a camp counselor.

(Adding a bit of poignance to all this is that both Victor French and Michael Landon would die of cancer five years after this episode aired.)

Jason is the son of rock star Miki Winner (Barry Williams — yes, Greg Brady).  Miki is always finding excuse not to spend any time with his sick son.  Maybe Jonathan can change his mind.

But that’s not all!

Curtis (played by a ten year-old Giovanni Ribisi in his acting debut) is scared to death to go outside, a result of his overprotective mother (Robin Riker) constantly harping on the fact that he could die at any minute.  Can Jonathan help Curtis have fun while encouraging his mom to let Curtis be a kid?

Teenage jock Gary (Brian Lane Green) has bone cancer and might lose his leg.  Can he got over his bitterness and get a date with camp counselor Trish (Jill Carroll)?

And will Mark finally realize that there is hope to be found in even the most dire of situations?

(The answer to all of that is yes but you probably already guessed that.)

Even by the standards of Highway to Heaven, this episode was a bit heavy-handed, without a subtle moment to be found.  Barry Williams is as unconvincing a rock star here as he was on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.  Some of the kids were better actors than others.  It’s also hard not to feel that the story could have been told in just one episode.  The first part, especially, feels a bit padded.  That said, it all still brought tears to my mismatched eyes because, seriously, how couldn’t it?  This is one of those episodes where the show’s earnestness and sincerity really worked to its advantage.  The episode is so heartfelt that it feels rather churlish to be too nit-picky about it.  In the end, flaws and all, the episode works.

Add to that, if you can’t enjoy the scene where Jonathan disguises himself as a barber and shaves a bully’s head, I don’t know what to tell you.

Retro Television Review: Changing Patterns 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Changing Patterns, which aired on CBS in 1987.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Valerie Perrine and Brenda Vaccaro are changing patterns!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Linda Day, originally aired on June 26th, 1987)

Molly (Oscar nominee Valerie Perrine) and Maxine (Oscar nominee Brenda Vacarro) are two housewives who lives in the suburbs.  Molly’s husband (Alex Rocco) is an old friend of Maxine’s husband (Robert S. Woods).  Maxine’s husband makes smoothies in the blender.  Molly’s husband likes to play golf.  They made a fortune in the tire business but now, they’re both retired and ready to support Maxine and Molly’s dream.  What a wacky group of neighbors.

Molly and Maxine are trying to break into the fashion industry.  Since this the 80s, all of their designs feature shoulder pads and none of them look like they would, in any way, flatter the figure of anyone under the age of 57.  Despite having never sold a design and presumably having never made any money from their career, Molly and Maxine have a store in the mall and they’re able to employ a professional cutter (Eric Christmas).

When Steve Ballinger (George DelHoyo), a buyer from Sacks, steps into their store, he’s impressed with their work.  He wants to buy some of their hideous designs.  But — uh oh! — he also mentions that he would like to set Maxine up with a single friend of his.  Molly and Maxine assume that Steve is talking about himself and, eager to make a sale, they don’t reveal that Maxine is married.

Molly and Maxine lie to their husbands and then meet Steve for dinner.  Steve shows up with his wife!  And his single friend, Jim (Hugh Maguire).  When Molly and Maxine thought that Steve was interested in Maxine himself, they thought he was being sleazy.  But when they discover that Steve just wants to Maxine to hook up with his friend, they think it’s charming.  Either way, it doesn’t really seem that professional on Steve’s part.  I, honestly, was expecting Steve to be revealed to be a big liar.  I mean, do buyers of major stores really walk around the strip mall?  Not to mention that none of Molly and Maxine’s designs were actually any good or, in any way, unique.  Steve might soon be out of a job.

Anyway, Maxine reveals that she is married and everyone has a good laugh over the misunderstanding.  Then Molly and Maxine go home and have a second dinner with their husbands, who are both amazingly forgiving of the whole lying thing.  I mean, Alex Rocco was Moe Greene.  There’s just something weird about seeing him play such a wimpy character.

You can probably guess that this was the only episode of Changing Patterns.  The show had a number of problems, including a laugh track that went off even when nothing funny was happening.  The main problem, though, is that Molly and Maxine were pretty much interchangeable.  They both had the same personality, the same outlook, the same ambitions, and the same sense of humor.  That might work for a friendship but, for a television show, it means that there’s not enough conflict to keep things interesting.  For Changing Patterns to succeed, it would have needed to change its own patterns.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.24 “La Strega”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, the first season of Monsters come to an end.

Episode 1.24 “La Strega” 

(Dir by Lizzie Borden, originally aired on May 27th, 1989)

Vito (a young Rob Morrow) enters a pawn shop shortly before closing.  He tells the proprietor, Lia (Linda Blair), that he’s shopping for something for his girlfriend.  But, as soon as Lia turns her back, Vito draws a knife and announces that he’s actually come to kill her.  Lia, however, has a gun and without flinching, she shoots at the floor.  Vito, who is far less calm than Lia, drops the knife.

Lia takes Vito to her apartment above the shop.  He tells her that he knows that she’s “La Strega” and that, ten years earlier, she put a curse on his mother (played by Maria Tucci) when she and Lia had a dispute over a ring that his mother brought to the shop.  His mother has just died as a result of the curse and Vito wants vengeance.

Lia explains that she’s not a witch and that Vito’s mother’s dispute was actually with Lia’s mother.  Lia also suggests that it was Vito’s mother who tried to steal the ring.  Lia says that Vito will spend the next two weeks working for her and seeing what type of person she actually is.  If, at the end of the two weeks, he still wants to kill her, she’ll accept that it is fate.  Vito agrees.

For the next two weeks, Vito works in the shop and lives in Lia’s apartment.  (I guess someone else is handling his mother’s funeral.)  Vito is haunted by dreams in which both Lia and his mother attempt to seduce him and beg him to kill the other.  Vito starts to fall in love with Lia and, as the two weeks come to a close, Lia says that she wants to enjoy what might be her last night on Earth….

Directed by feminist filmmaker Lizzie Borden, this episode ends the first season of Monsters on a rather moody note.  Vito is never quite sure whether or not he can trust either Lia or the angry spirit of his mother and, in the end, no one’s motives are really that clear.  The episode ends on a rather enigmatic note, which is a polite way of saying that it’s confusing as Hell.  That said, Rob Morrow, Maria Tucci, and Linda Blair all give good performances and Borden does a good job of creating an appropriately dream-like atmosphere.  In the end, the main impression one takes from this episode is that Vito, for all of his bluster, was essentially just a pawn in a supernatural battle between two powerful women, even if Vito himself wasn’t smart enough to realize it.  This episode is not a bad note for the first season to end on.

The first season of Monsters was uneven.  When it was good, it was really good.  When it was weak, it was really weak.  For the most part, though, it was enjoyable and most of the stories were memorably macabre.

Next week, we’ll see if that trend continue as we start the second season of Monsters!

Scene That I Love: M. Emmet Walsh in Blood Simple

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The great character actor M. Emmet Walsh passed away yesterday.  He was an actor who had a long career, often playing small but important roles.  1985’s Blood Simple brought Walsh one of his few starring roles and today’s scene that I love comes from that film.

In this scene, M. Emmet Walsh’s sleazy private detective meets with bar owner Dan Hedaya and reveals the result of his investigation into whether or not the bar owner’s wife is cheating on him.  Blood Simple was the directorial debut of the Coen Brothers and featured Frances McDormand in one of her first starring roles.  It also featured M. Emmet Walsh at his best.

Here’s The Teaser For Alien: Romulus

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the teaser for Alien: Romulus, which is being sold as a return to the Alien franchise’s roots as being a haunted house film in space.

I doubt this film will raise quite as many questions as some of the previous Alien films.  However, director Fede Alvarez previously did good work with Don’t Breathe and his reboot of Evil Dead has its fans as well.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.8 “The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She’s Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week …. stuff happens!

Episode 4.8 “The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She’s Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on November 29th, 1980)

This episode opens with Doc, Gopher, and Julie all angry with Isaac.  Apparently, while they were on shore leave, they went to see a church production of MacBeth, one that starred Isaac’s Aunt Tanya (Isabel Sanford) as Lady MacBeth.  Apparently, the play was terrible and Aunt Tanya was even worse and somehow this is Isaac’s fault.

(Myself, I’m more confused by the idea of a church doing a production of MacBeth.)

Isaac, however, has one more favor to ask.  Aunt Tanya is going to be a passenger on the next cruise, along with her husband, Charles (Mel Stewart).  Isaac begs everyone to tell Tanya that she was great in the play.  Everyone acts as if this is the most difficult thing that they’ve ever been asked to do but they finally agree.  Even Captain Stubing agrees, even though he wasn’t at the play.

(Again, I’m confused as to why everyone is so upset over having to be polite to Isaac’s aunt.  Were they all planning on throwing tomatoes at her and booing when she boarded the ship?)

All of the praise goes to Aunt Tanya’s head and, halfway through the cruise, she decides to leave her husband and go to Hollywood to be a star.  Isaac finally has to tell Tanya that she’s not a good actress and that he had to beg his co-workers to be nice to her.  Good Lord, how bad could she have been?  The important thing, though, is that, by crushing Tanya’s dreams and confidence, Isaac is able to save the marriage.

Speaking of marriage, Mr. and Mrs. Clark (Troy Donahue and Terry Moore) think that it would be great if their son, Brett (Lorenzo Lamas, who looks nothing like either Troy Donahue or Terry Moore), married his friend-since-childhood, Cathy Cummings (Melissa Sue Anderson).  Cathy’s parents (Farley Granger and Joan Lorring) agree!  Brett and Cathy get so annoyed with all of the matchmaking going on that they decide to pretend that they’re sleeping together just to freak out their parents.  And it works, despite the fact that the parents wanted them to get together in the first place.  I guess the parents expected them to hold off on having sex until after the wedding.  Get with the times, you boomers!  Anyway, having fake sex causes Cathy and Brett to fall in love so I guess there will be real sex in the future …. but only after they say, “I do!”  Dumb as this storyline was, Lorenzo Lamas and Melissa Sue Anderson were really cute together.

Finally, Cynthia Bowden (Susan Howard) boards the boat with her adorable baby.  The baby has a sixth sense.  If he cries, Cynthia knows that any nearby man is no good.  For instance, no good Gig Wayburn (Stan Sells) is only interested in one thing and the baby cries as soon as he enters the cabin.  Good, baby!  Fortunately, when the baby’s father, Bill (John Reilly), shows up on the boat, the baby doesn’t cry at all and it leads to a happy reunion between him and Cynthia.

This week’s episode was pretty bland and I actually found myself struggling to remember much about it while writing up this review.  Some cruises are like that, I guess.

Oh well….

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Personally, I think I’d make a kickass Lady MacBeth.