Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker solves everything!

Episode 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on February 9th, 1978)

It’s another crazy week on the highways of California.

Baker saves a wind sailor who loses control of his boat while testing it on the freeway.  Baker saves a trucker when the brakes go out on his rig.  Baker helps out an old man (George Chandler) who refuses to leave his home until he’s promised that he and his dog won’t be put in an assisted living facility.  Baker tells two teenagers, Jenny (Lark Gein) and Marge (Stacy Nelkin), about the dangers of hitchhiking on the highways.

In other words, this is yet another first season episode of CHiPs where the main theme seems to be that Ponch is thoroughly useless.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Ponch definitely helps out.  When Baker tells Ponch to direct traffic, Ponch hops off his motorcycle and starts waving at cars to either stop or go.  But it’s still hard not to notice that, when something needs to be done, Baker is the one who does it.  Indeed, Baker is usually the only one who knows how to do it.  You have to kind of wonder why he’s not in charge since he always knows what to do.

Still, Sgt. Getraer is the man in charge and he’s been named “Sergeant of the Month” by CHiPs Magazine.  Ponch and Baker are worried that Getraer is too humble to really enjoy the honor.  For some reason, Ponch thinks that playing a joke on Getraer by switching out his helmet will make Getraer enjoy life more.  It really doesn’t make much sense to me but this is Ponch that we’re talking about.

There’s an odd scene where Ponch and Baker are having lunch at a diner.  A man in a van pulls up and sees that their bikes are in the parking spot that he wants.  The man, who is rather large, picks up the bikes and puts them on the sidewalk.  He then picks up a car and moves it to the side.  Luckily, Getraer rolls up and gives the guy a ticket.

While Baker and Getraer are doing their jobs, Ponch is trying to get laid.  When Mary Kate (Katherine Cannon) comes to the station to bail out her sister (who is one of the hitchhikers), Ponch takes one look at her and says, “I bet you were named after your grandmother, who was also very beautiful.”  Mary Kate responds that she was named after two spinster aunts.  She goes on a few dates with Ponch and claims that her sister has been led astray by her friend.  It turns out Mary Kate is wrong and her sister is the one who keeps insisting on hitchhiking.

The hitchhiking nearly ends in disaster but fear not!  Baker is there to save Marge from some creeps driving a van.  Seriously, what would California do without Jon Baker?

Anyway, the scene with the out-of-control truck was kind of exciting but otherwise, this was a typical episode of CHiPs.  It wasn’t particularly memorable but the California scenery was lovely to look at.  Anyone want to go wind sailing?

Marked Man (1997, directed by Marc F. Voizard)


How much keeffe is in this film?

Miles O’Keeffe!  But that’s still not enough.

Not even the presence of Roddy Piper is enough to make Marked Man work.  Piper plays an auto mechanic who kills the drunk driver who ran over his girlfriend.  Piper is sent to prison where he learns how to kickbox because why wouldn’t the authorities teach a prisoner foot-to-foot combat?  After ten years as a model prisoner, he is forced to run for his life after he witnesses a murder committed by two corrupt guards.  Piper jumps over the fence and, after finding a clue while breaking into one of the guard’s house, heads to Albany.  Miles O’Keeffe is the mercenary who is hired by the bad guys to track Piper down.  Piper not only has O’Keeffe after him but also every cop in the northeast.

When a movie has got both Roddy Piper and Miles O’Keeffe in the cast, there’s no excuse for it to be as boring as Marked Man.  Roddy Piper gets to kickbox and show off his wrestling moves but he spends most of the movie hiding in the back of pickup trucks and running away from prison guards.  For some reason, instead of just heading for the border and freedom, Piper sticks around America and tries to prove that the dead prisoner was killed by corrupt guards.  The final confrontation between Piper and O’Keeffe is as anti-climatic as everything else in the movie.  Maybe it would have been more effective if there had been a shared history between Piper’s prisoner and O’Keeffe’s bounty hunter but instead, they confront each other as strangers and their final confrontation feels impersonal.

Considering the cast and the story’s B-movie potential, Marked Man is a definite missed opportunity.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.5 “The Dutch Oven”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Well, this sucks!  Tubi is no longer streaming Miami Vice.  Hopefully, the show will soon have a new streaming home.  As for the episode that I reviewed below, I had to buy it on Prime.  It cost next to nothing but still, there’s a larger issue, namely my desire to watch stuff for free.

Episode 2.4 “The Dutch Oven”

(Dir by Abel Ferrara, originally aired on October 25th, 1985)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with a typical Vice situation.  Trudy is undercover as a prostitute.  Tubbs is undercover as a drug buyer.  When the dealers try to rip Tubbs off, it leads to an exciting and well-shot car chase that ends in an alley.  One of the dealers points his gun at Sonny and Trudy and, four shots later, he’s lying dead on the ground.

For once, though, it’s not Sonny who did the shooting.  Instead, all four shots were fired by Trudy.  This time, it’s Trudy who is shaken by taking someone’s life and it’s Trudy who finds herself being harassed by Internal Affairs.  Feeling lost, Trudy goes to a party hosted by her ex-boyfriend, David (Cleavant Derricks).  Soon, Trudy and David are back together but, when Trudy discovers that someone is dealing drugs at David’s parties, she is forced to confront the fact that her boyfriend might not be an innocent bystander.

A young Giancarlo Esposito appears in this episode, playing an up-and-coming dealer named Adonis.  Adonis is an old friend of David’s and he’s also the one who is responsible for selling the drugs at the parties.  (It turns out that David actually is innocent.)  Sonny, realizing that Trudy is too close to the case and still emotionally shaken by the earlier shooting, goes undercover to take Adonis down.  Of course, Adonis doesn’t surrender easily and the episode ends with him literally daring Trudy to shoot him.  Trudy hesitates so Sonny sends Adonis to the ground with one punch.  As far as endings go, it doesn’t quite feel like a Miami Vice ending.  Season one, for instance, had no hesitation about ending with gunshots.  Gina shot Burt Young in cold blood.  Pam Grier killed several drug dealers and apparently got away with it.  Bruce Willis’s wife shot him on the courthouse steps.  Dennis Farina was shot in his car at the end of Lombard.  This episode, though, ends with Sonny demonstrating that he can make arrests without killing people and with Trudy still not having to deal with her fear of using her weapon.  It feels a bit wishy-washy, to be honest.

On the plus side, Abel Ferrara does a good job directing this episode.  The opening action scene is genuinely exciting and the entire episode is permeated with a melancholy atmosphere.  This episode deserves some credit for acknowledging that the Vice detectives spend a lot of time investigating and arresting people with whom they’ve become friends.  And it’s good that, after spending so much time in the background, Trudy finally got a showcase episode and Olivia Brown got a chance to prove she could carry a story.  This is an effective episode, even if it never quite becomes a classic.

Spring Break On The Lens: The Squad (dir by Rick Walker)


Years ago, three girls were rescued from their abusive foster parents.  Under the direction of the enigmatic Alpha (Jennifer Ferguson), Gina (Meghan Carrasquillo), Dani (Grace Evans), and Bella (Alea Hansinger) have made a lot of money and they only have to work one week out of the year.  That week is Spring Break, when they hit the beach and sell drugs to all the visiting college students.

Unfortunately, a bigtime gangster known as Frosty the Snowman (Shawnee Brittan) does not want Alpha and the Squad moving in on his business.  So, along with targeting Alpha for assassination, he also sends his people down to the beach to take out the members of the Squad.  It all leads to a lot of violence, death, and bikini shots.  Everyone has their own agenda and no one can be trusted, perhaps not even Alpha.  Can the Squad survive or will they end up being dunked in acid?

Just from reading the plot description, you might think that this was a subversive, satirical film in the style of Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers and certainly, there are moments of deliberate humor.  The three Squad members spend a lot of time talking between jobs and making fun of the faux tough guys that they have to deal with.  There’s a slightly funny bit where one of the girls will make a snarky comment and someone else will reply by accusing them of being a very particular type of bully.  “You’re a spray tan bully,” made me laugh more than it probably should have.  (That’s probably because, as a redhead, I can’t tan to save my life.)

That said, The Squad takes itself way too seriously at certain points.  There’s all sorts of twists and turns and scenes of criminals talking about all of the unpleasant tortures that they intend to inflict until they hear what they want to hear.  This is one of those films where all the camera movements are jittery and most of the scense are so underlit that you end up straining eyes just trying to figure out who is talking to who.  For a 78-minute film, there’s a lot going on in The Squad and the plot is almost impossible to follow.  The film makes the mistake of assuming that we’ll automatically care so much about The Squad that we won’t care that their actions rarely make sense.  But since we really don’t get to know either The Squad or Alpha, it’s difficult to get emotionally involved in their attempts to corner the drug market.

For the most part, the acting is poor.  The actresses playing the members of the Squad are naturalistic and likable when they’re just lying around and gently giving each other a hard time but the minute they have to start shooting or talking tough, everyone starts trying too hard to act as if they’re in an early Tarantino film and the whole thing just feels awkward.  As Frosty, Shawnee Brittan is convincingly evil and some of the actors playing his toothless henchmen are properly creepy.  Otherwise, one would be better served by rewatching Spring Breakers.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Malibu Express and Field of Dreams!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be Malibu Express (1985), from director Andy Sidaris!

Then, on twitter, #MondayMuggers will be showing 1989’s Field of Dreams!  The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Malibu Express on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then switch over to twitter, pull Field of Dreams up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! 

Enjoy!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Raoul Walsh Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

127 years ago today, film director Raoul Walsh was born in New York City.  He started out as an actor and a second unit director, learning how to make films under the tutelage of D.W. Griffith.  He made his directorial debut in 1915 with Regeneration, which is considered to be the first gangster film.  Refusing to sidelined after losing an eye in an auto accident, Walsh continued to direct and his career stretched from the silent era all the way to the mid-60s.  Walsh directed westerns, war films, and gangster films.  He was a master of tough but sometimes quirky action films.  Martin Scorsese continues to cite Walsh as being an influence on his own work.

Today. we pay tribute to Raoul Walsh with….

4 Shots From 4 Raoul Walsh Films

The Roaring Twenties (1939, dir by Raoul Walsh, DP: Ernest Haller)

They Drive By Night (1940, dir by Raoul Walsh, DP: Arthur Edeson)

White Heat (1949, dir by Raoul Walsh, DP: Sidney Hickox)

Esther and the King (1960, dir by Raoul Walsh and Mario Bava, DP: Mario Bava)

A Few Late Thoughts On The 96th Oscars


Last night, the Oscars actually ended early.

Not that early, of course.  In fact, towards the end of the show, Jimmy Kimmel came out and did his usual anti-Trump schtick just to pad out the running time so that the Oscars managed to make it to the allotted 3 hour and 30 minute mark.  (And yes, it is schtick.  The late night hosts need Trump just as much as Trump needs them.)  The thing is, though, the Oscars usually run over by a good 30 minutes.  The show ending on time means that it ended early.  This is the first Oscar telecast, in my lifetime, to end on time.  I could actually go out and do stuff after the show ended.  It was fun!

As for the show itself, it was a relatively smooth production.  No one got slapped.  There were no major technical snafus.  As to be expected, there were a few embarrassing acceptance speeches.  I thought Zone of Interest was a powerful film and I also thought Under The Skin was brilliant but I can still do without ever having to listen to Jonathan Glazer give another speech.  One can only imagine how Martin Amis would have reacted to Glazer’s “speech.”

(Martin Amis wrote the novel that served as the basis for the film that won Glazer an Oscar.  Amis never had much use for the wimpy or the self-important.)

Ryan Gosling’s performance of I Am Ken was the highlight of the show.  Of course, then the song failed to win the Oscar.  It reminded me a bit of how, in 2021, the entire broadcast was designed to end with Chadwick Boseman receiving a posthumous award, just for a confused Joaquin Phoenix to read Anthony Hopkins’s name instead.  Sometimes, the voters really do just vote for who or what they think should win, regardless of the preferred narrative.

In fact, for all the hype, Barbie wasn’t much of a factor in the awards.  It won one Oscar, for the song that wasn’t I Am Ken.  The Academy was far more impressed with Poor Things.  Still, Barbie did better than Killers of the Flower Moon, which won not a single award.  Poor Things‘s Emma Stone defeating Lily Gladstone was the upset of the evening.  Am I the only one who briefly got worried that Poor Things would somehow win Best Picture over Oppenheimer?

The big winner, of course, was Oppenheimer.  My top film of 2023 was Past Lives but Oppenheimer was a close second.  (Until Glazer gave his speech, Zone of Interest was my third pick.)  Robert Downey, Jr. became the first former SNL cast member to win an acting Oscar.  Christopher Nolan accepted his Oscar from Steven Spielberg, which felt like a real changing-of-the-guard moment.  Cillian Murphy won Best Actor.  I would have voted for Paul Giamatti but Murphy still deserves a lot of credit for holding Oppenheimer together.

Godzilla is an Oscar winner!  Yay!

All in all, it was a good show.  Occasionally, it was even fun.  It was very efficient, as if the Academy specifically picked this year to show ABC that it actually could put on an orderly show that didn’t preempt the entire network’s programming by an extra hour.  My advice for next year would be to stop doing the thing where five previous winners came out to praise the current nominees.  (That bit has always felt a bit condescending and I would much rather see clips of the nominated performances.)  And maybe get John Mulaney to host because Jimmy Kimmel has become just way too impressed with himself.

Now, 2023 is done.  Onward to 2024!

(Actually, you know what I haven’t done, yet?  I haven’t posted my picks for the best of 2023.  I’ll do that this week, even though I doubt anyone cares at this point.  But I’ve posted my lists every year and I’m not going to break tradition now.  I just have a handful of movies to watch today and tomorrow….)

Artwork of the Day: Sin Beach (by Robert Bonfils)


by Robert Bonfils

by Robert Bonfils

It’s Spring Break!    This cover, from 1963, shows that spring break has not changed that much over the years.  This cover was done by Robert Bonfils, who we have featured much in the past and will probably feature much in the future.

Where is Sin Beach?  It could be in Florida.  It could be in California.  Maybe it’s Galveston.  It’s really anywhere that people gathered to end the sun, the sand, and the skinny dipping.

Maybe it was in New Jersey.

Music Video of the Day: Talk About Love by Kate Hudson (2024, dir by Kimberly Stuckwisch)


Today’s music video of the day is for the debut single of actress Kate Hudson.  Kate’s got a good voice, though I’m not sure how many people in their mid-40s have been able to launch a successful music career.  Oh well, no matter!  Best of luck to her!

Enjoy!