October Positivity: The Prodigal Planet (dir by Donald W. Thompson)


The last film in the Thief In the Night series, 1983’s The Prodigal Planet picks up where Image of the Beast left off.  Computer technician and post-Rapture Christian David Michaels (William Wellman, Jr.) is on the verge of being sent to the guillotine when he’s rescued by Connie (Terri Lynn Hall).  Connie may be wearing the uniform of UNITE and she may have the mark of the beast but she insists to David that she is actually on his side.  Not having much choice but to believe her, David joins Connie in a military grade RV.  They drive away from Des Moines just as a nuclear explosion takes out the whole city.

After seven years of being ruled over by Brother Christopher and the UN, the world is on the verge of ending.  (As the film’s narrators informs us, “Plane Earth is dying and the disease is sin.”)  Nuclear war has broken out, destroying cities and killing the majority of the citizens.  David is determined to get to Albuquerque, where he and a group of Christians plan to wait for the final judgment.  Government agent Jerry (Thom Rachford), who is one of only two characters to have appeared in every Thief In The Night film, is close behind but both he and his men are starting to show the signs of radiation sickness.

(Russell Daughten also returns as the Rev. Matthew Turner, with his apocalypse chart that explains each step of the end of the world.  Daughten’s role is small in this one, which is a shame as his grim Santa Claus screen presence was one of the best things about Image of the Beast.)

Along with the remnants of UNITE and a few survivors who have yet to take the mark, the world is also populated by “mutants,” humans whose faces are permanently scarred by the radiation.  They dress like monks and stalk empty and deserted city streets.  Their goal is to destroy anyone who they believe is responsible for the end of the world.  David and Connie rescue a scientist named Linda (Lynda Beatie) and her teenage daughter, Jodi (Cathy Wellman), from a group of mutants.  Linda is wracked with guilt because she previously put all her faith in science.  Jodi is bitter over how the world has turned out and, initially, she’s upset when David allows a mutant named Jimmy (Robert Chestnut) to join them in their journey.

With The Prodigal Planet, it’s obvious that director Donald W. Thompson had hopes of setting up an epic conclusion for the Thief in the Night films.  Not only does the film move the action out of Iowa and into other parts of the country but the film also runs for 127 minutes.  (By comparison, A Thief In The Night barely last over an hour.)  Unfortunately, most of that running time is taken up with David talking and trying to convert everyone that he meets.  On the one hand, considering what’s going on in the film’s world, it makes sense that David would do that.  On the other hand, it doesn’t exactly make for exciting viewing.  A film that features nuclear explosions and mutants should never be this slow or boring.  If the previous Thief In The Night films achieved a dream-like intensity, The Prodigal Planet dutifully plods along.  For every scene that works (like an extended sequence in which Linda and Jodi explore a city that isn’t as deserted as it first appears), there are other dramatically inert scenes that encourage the viewer to just about anything other than pay attention to what is happening on the screen.

(It doesn’t help that William Wellman, Jr. — despite appearing to be the only professional actor in this film — displays a bit of a blah screen presence in the role of David.  The scene where he tells Jodi that she’s spoiled because she’s pretty fails not because he’s necessarily wrong about Jodi as much as because Wellman can’t make David’s “tough love” approach compelling.  He just comes across as being a jerk.  The series was better off when the less polished but far more sincere Patty Dunning was the lead character.  As for Wellman, he was far more interesting as the morally conflicted national guardsman in The Trial of Billy Jack than he is here.)

Donald W. Thompson hoped to make a fifth Thief In the Night film, one that would feature The War in Heaven and bring the story to its prophesized conclusion.  Unfortunately (or not), he was never able to raise the money to do so.  And, as such, the saga of UNITE, Brother Christopher, and David Michaels came to a close with The Prodigal Planet.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.4 “The Return Of The Masked Rider”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark clean up a troubled neighborhood!

Episode 1.4 “The Return of the Masked Rider”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 3rd, 1984)

This week, Jonathan and Mark end up a gym in a city.  Jonathan applies for a job as a cut man.  The gym’s owner, Mau Mau (Stoney Jackson), is doubtful because Jonathan can’t give him any references to call but then Jonathan magically heals a cut over a boxer’s eye.  Jonathan gets the job and just in time because this neighborhood needs to be protected.

The problem is that the neighborhood is being ruled by Thumper (Darin Taylor) and the Satan’s Helpers.  Everyone in the neighborhood is scared of the Satan’s Helpers and who can blame them when the gang literally identifies with Satan?  I mean, they’re not only fans of Satan but they’re helping him as well!  Anyway, the statewide boxing championship is coming up and Thumper is going to be fighting another neighborhood boxer, Joey (Chip MacAllister).  The Satan’s Helpers demand that Joey throw the fight and to make sure that Joey does so, they kidnap his grandfather (Hank Rolike)!

Mark suggests that Jonathan just “zap” the gang members and bring an end to the whole thing but Jonathan explains that their mission is not to take out the gang.  Their mission is to encourage the other residents in the neighborhood to take back the streets, “like the Guardian Angels!”  You heard it, folks.  God supports vigilantism.

Luckily, Morton Clay (John Agar) lives in the neighborhood as well.  Morton was once a movie star, playing the Masked Bandit.  Now retired and nearly forgotten, Morton lives in an apartment building with several of his former co-stars.  Jonathan encourages Morton and his friends to put on their old costumes and march down to the headquarters of the Satan’s Helpers.  The rest of the neighborhood is so amazed by the parade of old timey heroes, that they follow.

The Satan’s Helpers are so intimidated by sight of the entire neighborhood gathered together that they decide to stop helping Satan and they release the grandfather.  Yay!  Meanwhile, at the boxing match, Joey refuses to take a dive and he knocks out Thumper.  Yay!  The neighborhood is saved.

When people refer to Highway to Heaven as being a campy show, they are probably referring to episodes like this one.  Undoubtedly, the episode is well-intentioned.  Watching it, you can tell that Michael Landon was hoping that this episode would inspire people to take pride in the neighborhoods, just like the Masked Bandit and his friends!  But the episode’s extremely earnest approach feels a bit naïve.  There’s nothing particularly intimidating about the Satan’s Helpers and it certainly doesn’t help their credibility that they’re scare off by a bunch of elderly people wearing costumes.

Next week, Mark and Jonathan break into the country music world!

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 6.6 “Toxic Search” (dir by Jerry Ciccoritti)


Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker features two friends who get into a fight over whether or not its ethical to dump toxic waste near a small town.  Unfortunately, exposure to the toxic waste leads to madness.  This episode features a good performance from Zach Galligan as the polluter who learns the errors of his way.

This episode aired on October 26th, 1990.

Big Freakin’ Snake (2023, directed by Dustin Ferguson)


People are being killed in snake attacks across Los Angeles and the sheriff and a scientist are determined to discover why.  The Sheriff says that there hasn’t been a snake attack in over 40 years.  His father dealt with the last batch of attacks.  Now, it’s time for the new sheriff to pick up his father’s legacy and discover why people are dying from snake attack.

Could it be because of the big freakin’ snake!?

Nah, son, that snake’s not that big.

There actually is a big snake at the start of the movie, which slithers its way through Los Angeles and wraps itself around a building but most of the movie is just scenes of people screaming at normal sized snakes that don’t appear to actually be aggressive.  A lot of familiar B-horror folk show up to get bitten but the special effects budget only allowed for one actual snake attack to really be shown.  If you’ve ever wanted to watch Brinke Stevens fight a rubber snake in a bathtub, this film is for you.

Big Freakin’ Snake is short, only 40 minutes long, and it is obviously not meant to be taken seriously so I can’t criticize it too much.  But for a movie called Big Freakin’ Snake, it sure didn’t have many big snakes.

Retro Television Review: Jennifer Slept Here 1.4 “Boo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Debbie Reynolds drops by!

Episode 1.4 “Boo”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on November 11th, 1983)

This week’s episode of Jennifer Slept Here opens with Jennifer tormenting Joey while he tries to make a snack.  Whenever Joey tries to grab a bowl and a box of cereal, Jennifer materializes and says, “Boo!”  I guess when you’re a ghost, you have to find a way to pass the time.  Seriously, though, Joey acts like he’s about to have a heart attack every time that he sees Jennifer.  He should be used to her by now.

In other words — STOP BEING SUCH A WIMP, JOEY!

Joey is upset because he’s stuck at home while his parents take his little sister to a costume party but then Marc shows up with two twins (played by Jacqueline and Samantha Forrest).  The twins seem to like Joey and Marc but again, Joey can’t leave the house.  Jennifer suggests to Joey that he suggest that they just have a party at the house.  Joey follows Jennifer’s advice and it turns out that the twins really want to have a …. séance!

Joey is totally excited because he has his own ghost!  However, Jennifer informs him that she doesn’t want to perform like a trained seal so he’s going to have to figure out his own way to party with the twins.  Suddenly, the studio audience goes wild as Debbie Reynolds materializes in Joey’s bedroom.  It turns out that Debbie Reynolds is playing Jennifer’s mother, who is also a ghost.  Jennifer’s mom has spent 24 years searching for Jennifer.  Why?  Because she’s still upset over the fact that Jennifer didn’t thank her when she won a Golden Globe.  Jennifer’s mother has tracked down her daughter so that she can demand to be given credit for her daughter’s career!

(Really?  It’s just a Golden Globe.)

Jennifer and her mother argue over whether or not Jennifer has ever given her mother enough credit.  Jennifer’s mother eventually announces that she’s leaving and proceeds to walk through a wall.  Desperate for her mother to return, Jennifer asks Joey to perform a …. wait for it …. a séance!  Joey gets Jennifer to agree to help him to impress the twins in return for him trying to contact her mother.

At the séance, Marc says they should contact Jennifer’s mother but Joey is like, “Let’s contact her mother!”  As it storms outside, Jennifer does things like forcing everyone to keep their hands on table and causing candles to float around the living room.  It scares and impresses the twins and they suggest a trip to their place where they have a hot tub.  But Jennifer tells Joey that he can’t leave because the séance isn’t over.  Realizing that Jennifer is right, Joey says he can’t go to the hot tub because he has to clean up the house.

“Joey,” Marc announces, “I don’t know what’s wrong with but someday, it’s going to keep you out of the army.”

Okay, 80s TV show, way to be cringey there.

Anyway, Jennifer’s Mother does eventually appear and Joey gets to go hot tubbing with the twins while Jennifer and her mom work on their relationship in the living room.  And I have to say that, after a really silly 19-minute build-up, the final scene between Ann Jillian and Debbie Reynolds was actually very sweet and touching, perhaps more so than you would expect from a sitcom about a ghost and her dorky teenage roommate.

This episode did not get off to a great start but that final scene between Ann Jillian and Debbie Reynolds saved it.  The show definitely worked best when it focused more on Jennifer and less on the people who lived with her.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Donald Pleasence in Halloween 4


Donald Pleasence was born in the UK in 1919, the son of a railway station manager.  Pleasence briefly tried to follow in his father’s footsteps before, at the age of 20, realizing that he would much rather be a professional actor.  With his intense demeanor, Pleasence soon became an in-demand character actor and remained one for the rest of his life, only taking a break from acting when he served in World War II.  (A devout Methodist, Pleasence originally registered as a conscientious objector but changed his stance once the Blitz began.)   When he was taken prisoners by the Germans and sent to a POW camp, he organized plays among his fellow prisoners as a way to keep everyone’s spirits up as they waited for the war to end.

Pleasence’s experience as a POW led to him being cast in The Great Escape.  His ability to play villains led to him being cast as the original Blofeld in You Only Live Twice.  He appeared in classic horror films like Death Line and Wake In Fright.  In 1978, he was offered the role of Dr. Loomis in Halloween, after it had been turned down by both Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing.  Pleasence played Loomis with a righteous intensity that seemed to grow a bit more unhinged with each subsequent sequel.  Though he was, by his own admission, not a huge fan of the genre, Pleasence became a horror icon to a whole new generation of film goers.

1998’s Halloween 4 does not have a great reputation but it does have one of my favorite Loomis scenes.  In this scene, a hitchhiking Dr. Loomis is picked up by an old man (Carmen Filipi) who is on a mission of his own.  It’s hard not to regret that these two didn’t get their own spin-off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2me-IH5xLQ

October True Crime: Judgment Day: The John List Story (dir by Bobby Roth)


In 1971, a 46 year-old account named John List committed a shocking crime.

To the outside world, John List was a normal suburbanite.  He was perhaps a little bit strict but then again, it was 1971 and all of the traditional morals that John List had grown up with were being challenged in the streets and in the movies.  Neither he nor his family were particularly sociable but again, it was assumed that they just liked the privacy that was afford to them by the mansion in which they lived.  List was married to Helen.  They lived with their three teenage children and List’s 84 year-old mother.  John List was a hard worker, he taught Sunday School, and, again, he was seen as being perfectly normal.

On November 9th, 1971, John List methodically murdered his wife, his children, and his mother.  He left his mother in her upstairs apartment while the rest of his family was laid out, in sleeping bags, in the ballroom.  (Detectives later surmised that List stopped in the middle of his murder spree to have lunch and then attended his son’s soccer game before taking him home and killing him.)  List left behind several notes, explaining that he was in a bad financial situation and that he feared that his family was heading down an immoral path that would have condemned their souls to Hell if he hadn’t killed them first.  And then, John List vanished.

For the rest of the 70s and the 80s, John List was phantom.  Some speculated that he had committed suicide while others thought that he had changed his identity and had probably remarried.  In 1987, the classic thriller The Stepfather was released in theaters.  Inspired by List’s crimes, The Stepfather starred Terry O’Quinn as Jerry Blake, a real estate agent who was obsessed with creating the perfect family.  The Stepfather imagined its killer as a friendly but rigid man who snapped whenever his illusion of perfection was threatened.  It also imagine him as someone who moved from town to town, searching for a new family that wouldn’t let him down.

As for the real John List, it turned out that those who suspected him of having changed his identity were correct.  And, just as The Stepfather suggested, he had remarried and was actually now a real stepfather.  List remained free until his story was included in a 1989 episode of America’s Most Wanted.  A forensic scientist included a bust of what John List might have looked like in 1989 and a viewer realized that the bust looked a lot like an accountant named Bob Clark.  “Bob Clark” was arrested and eventually, he confessed that he was actually John List.  Despite his attorney’s attempt to argue that he was not guilty by reason of insanity, John List was eventually convicted of five counts of murder.  He spent the rest of this life in prison, dying of natural causes in 2008.

The 1993 film Judgement Day: The Story of John List tells the story of List’s crimes and his subsequent attempt to build a new life for himself.  John List is played by Robert Blake, which turns out to be a bit of a problem as Blake gives such a twitchy and obviously unstable performance that it’s hard to believe that he could have successfully gone into hiding for 18 years.  Carroll Baker and Beverly D’Angelo are not given much to do as, respectively, List’s mother and List’s first wife while David Caruso appears as the detective who is determined to catch List.  Though this film was made long before CSI: Miami, I still found myself expecting Caruso to say something quippy and put on his sunglasses.

Judgment Day doesn’t add much to the story of John List.  It certainly doesn’t offer up any new insight into what led to List becoming a murderer, beyond the fact that List himself was just kind of a jerk.  It’s pretty much a by-the-numbers production that’s only interesting today because of Blake’s subsequent legal problems.  (For the record, I’ve always felt Robert Blake was innocent.)  When it comes to John List films, stick with The Stepfather.

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films: Special George Romero Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order!  That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!

Today’s director is one of the most important names in the history of American horror cinema, George Romero!

4 Shots From 4 George Romero Films

Night of the Living Dead (1968, dir by George Romero)

Dawn of the Dead (1978, dir by George Romero, DP: Michael Gornick)

Day of the Dead (1985, dir by George Romero, DP: Michael Gornick)

Land of the Dead (2005, dir by George Romero, DP: Miroslaw Baszak)

Horror Film Review: Empire of the Ants (dir by Bert I. Gordon)


Ants are interesting creatures.  On the one hand, they work hard and they can design and build a complex home in just a matter of hours.  They’re loyal to the other members of their tribe and they all happily do whatever needs to be done to keep their community healthy and moving forward.  They’re family-orientated.  They take care of their children.  They eat earth worms.  They fight other ants.  They can carry several pounds over their own weight.  They like to move in a single-file line.  These are all things that people, in general, admire.  If you had to hire someone to do some yardwork, you would want someone who had the attitude of an ant.

At the same time, ants also have no respect for privacy, they tend to get everywhere, and they bite you and leave behind those ugly red marks that take forever to go away and that can itch like heck.  I was once outside barefoot, helping someone wash his car, when I suddenly felt a really intense pain in my foot.  I looked down and saw that I had stepped straight into an ant hill.  It was not only an ant hill but it was a FIRE ANT HILL!  I grabbed a hose and I washed all of the ants off my foot but it was still one of the most painful experiences of my life.  Ants are hard-working and industrious but they’re also kind of mean and they really don’t like humans.  (Maybe they would like us more if people stopped kicking ant hills and using magnifying glasses to set them on fire.)  Ants will break into your house and then bite you when you tell them to go away.  My point is that you might like ants but ants do not like you and you better remember that!

The 1977 film, Empire of the Ants, is all about humanity’s mixed feelings towards ants.  Joan Collins plays a shady real estate agent who leads a group of potential home buyers into the bayou because she wants to trick them into buying some worthless property on a nearby island.   What Collins and her clients don’t know is that a barrel of radioactive waste was recently dumped off of a nearby boat and when the waste washed on shore, a bunch of ants got into it and it caused them to become giant ants!  The giant ants are industriously creating their own sugar-based society but they’re also attacking and brainwashing humans!

Needless to say, this is a Bert I. Gordon film.  Gordon took his “Mr. Big” nickname quite literally and, as a result, he spent almost his entire career making movies about animals and occasionally humans who were turned into giants by radiation.  Apparently, radiation can do anything!  Empire of the Ants is a typical Gordon film, in that the special effects are just bad enough to be kind of charming.  The ants are either awkwardly super-imposed into the scene or they are clearly made out of plastic.  There’s a scene where an ant grabs a man by his neck and it would be really terrifying if not for the fact that the ant’s head appears to have been made from Styrofoam.  Unfortunately, even though the special effects are bad in an amusing way, Empire of the Ants is still a pretty boring film.  Gordon devotes way too much time to the people heading out to look at Joan Collins’s beachfront property.  No one is watching a film like this for human drama.

This movie is based on a short story by H.G. Wells.  Wells, reportedly, considered it to be the worst thing he had ever written.

Horror Film Review: Beginning of the End (dir by Bert I. Gordon)


The 1957 film, Beginning of the End, is perhaps the ultimate horror film for people who dislike Illinois.

Because it’s a Bert I. Gordon film and Gordon took his “Mr. Big” nickname seriously, it deals with giant monsters.  In this case, the monsters are a bunch of locust who ate all of this radioactive grain that was being stored in a silo.  The locusts grew to giant size and then they went on a rampage.

Fortunately, the rampage appears to be localized to Illinois.  Apparently, the locusts have enough respect for state boundaries that they know better than to hop into Indiana, Missouri, or Wisconsin.  Instead, the locusts take out the farming community of Ludlow and then start making their way to Chicago, perhaps hoping to battle the Chicago Outfit for control of the city’s politics.  Do they seriously think Mayor Daley is just going to sit back while a bunch of locusts overrun his city?

The government wants to cover up the locust rampage because they don’t want to risk a mass panic in the 47 states that they actually care about.  (This film came out before Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union.)  However, when enterprising reporter Audrey Aimes (Peggie Castle) comes across the remains of Ludlow and discovers that the U.S. military has taken over the area, she is determined to discover what happened.  She hooks up with Dr. Ed Wainwright (Peter Graves), whose work in making food bigger led to the giant locust attacks in the first place.  In most movies, Ed would shoulder most of the blame for the locust attack but Beginning of the End seems to understand that these things happen when you’re dousing food with radiation and then keeping the food in a poorly secured silo.

Of course, the main reason why it’s not Ed’s fault is that Ed is played by Peter Graves and seriously, who could blame anything on Peter Graves?  Graves was one of those actors who could deliver even the silliest of dialogue with a straight face and he certainly gets to do that in Beginning of the End.  He seems to be taking the situation seriously, even if no one else is.

One reason why it is a little bit difficult to take the situation seriously is because it’s about giant locusts.  Now, make no mistake about it.  I’m enough a country girl that I know how destructive locusts can be.  The problem is that locusts may be destructive but they don’t look all that menacing.  Even giant locusts just look like really ugly grasshoppers.  This film uses a lot of rear projection and still photography to create the idea of giant locusts crawling over buildings and threatening the soldiers who have been sent to fight them.  As is so often the case with Bert I. Gordon’s film, there’s a definite charm to the cheap special effects.  But still, locusts are locusts.

Chicago haters will love the scene where General Hanson (Morris Ankrum) announces that the locusts have only left him with one option, the drop an atomic bomb and wipe the city off the face of the Earth.  Fortunately, Ed is there to suggest another solution.  Good old Peter Graves.  I don’t know what we would have done without him.

As a final note, I’ll just mention that the poster for this film is actually more exciting than the film itself: