Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs get violent!

Episode 2.3 “Sweatside Story”

(Dir by Bill Persky, originally aired on October 7th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a highway patrolman and who once chased a guy who was running 80 miles per hour.  I didn’t really get the joke.

At school, class is interrupted by a fire drill.  While Horshack panics, Epstein tells Barbarino that he’s tired of drills and is thinking of setting the school on fire so that “they can see how it’s done under real pressure.”  While everyone waits in the hallway, Woodman shows up, accuses the Sweathogs of pulling the alarm, and then starts doing unconstitutional locker searches.

“What is this?” Gabe asks, “Be Cruel To Sweathogs Day?”

“Every day is Be Cruel To Sweathogs Day,” Woodman replies.

Woodman discovers that Barbarino has a jacket with “Sweathogs” written on the back of it.  OH MY GOD, THE SWEATHOGS ARE STARTING A GANG!  And they actually are.  (“I haven’t been invited to join,” Horshack says, which should be taken as proof positive that this gang is serious business.)  Gabe warns them that wearing jackets and starting gangs is a good way to get hurt.  On cue, Freddie shows up and says that another gang jumped him for invading their territory.

Later, back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie that he fears the Sweathogs are going to get into a “rumble.”  Suddenly, Horshack shows up at the apartment, looking like a refugee from a John Waters movie.  Gabe tells Horshack about how violent rumbles can get and asks Horshack if he’s prepared to be hit around like a hockey puck.

“I want to be a punk, not a puck!” Horshack announces.  Uhmm….

Hanging around outside the school, Barbarino, Freddie, and Washington try remember how they were all initiated into their gang and it turns out that none of them were actually initiated.  Barbarino states that, when he started the gang, he spent a week watching Gilligan’s Island to toughen himself up.  Freddie explains that he became a member of the gang through Barbarino’s minority recruitment plan.  Epstein, of course, has a note from Epstein’s Mom.  Suddenly, Horshack shows up, prepared to be initiated into the gang.

Barbarino has no idea how to initiate Horshack but says that he’ll figure out how to do it “once I get my thoughts deranged.”

Suddenly, Gabe and Woodman show up, also wearing black leather jackets and looking to be initiated into the gang.  Gabe explains that he brought Woodman because Woodman has the key to the nurse’s office, which they’ll need after the rumble.

The rival gang then shows up, demanding to know why the Sweathogs are looking for them.  However, when they discover that both a teacher and the school’s vice principal are members of the Sweathog Gang, the rival gang leader announces that this school is too tough for them and they agree to negotiate a peace settlement between the two gangs.

Later, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Harry Kotter, who bought a suit that was too big for him.

This episode felt a bit off.  Even by the standards of this show, the humor felt a bit overly broad and the Sweathogs’s naivety about what it meant to be in a gang never seemed credible.  I mean, they essentially were a gang during the first season!  If anything, the Sweathogs felt a bit neutered and too family-friendly in this episode.  They were missing the edge that often elevated the episodes during the first season.  That said, John Sylvester White had some good moments.  It’s hard not to enjoy Mr. Woodman’s total disgust with the world and everyone in it.

Episode 2.4 “The Fight”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on October 21st, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about how his father always wanted him to date a girl just like his mother, which is something that I’m sure Julie appreciated hearing.

At school, Freddie is upset to learn that 1) Epstein gave Barbarino Freddie’s English homework to do and 2) Barbarino forgot to do it.

“Because of you, I’m going to get an F in English!” Freddie snaps at Barbarino.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Barbarino replies, “so am I.”

An argument breaks out between Freddie, Barbarino, and Epstein but Gabe breaks it up by ordering them into the classroom.  For their Social Studies homework, all of the Sweathogs have been asked to either write about or bring in their most prized possession.  Barbarino shows off his little black book.  Freddie shows off his pet flea, Howard.  (Unfortunately, Howard is killed when Freddie asks Horshack to give him five.)  Epstein has a toy boat.  Horshack starts to talk about how his ancestor, Popeye Horshack, discovered Coney Island and accidentally sits on the boat, destroying it.  While Horshack tries to apologize, he accidentally mentions that he’s been doing Barbarino’s homework for Gabe’s class.

Frustrated, Gabe orders everyone to remain quiet while he steps outside and takes two aspirin.

However, as soon as Gabe leaves, Barbarino taunts Horshack and Epstein for being short and then complains that the entire class is short.  Freddie stands up and says, “Hi there.  I’m tall.”  Epstein climbs a on top of Gabe’s desk and says that, “I’ve had it with Hi There!”  Freddie replies that he’s sick of Horshack’s laugh.  Horshack says that he’s tired of Epstein’s phony notes.  Epstein then makes fun of Barbarino for being stupid.

“In your pants with a bag of ants!” Barbarino declares.

“In your pockets with red hot rockets,” Freddie counters.

Gabe re-enters the classroom and tells everyone to stop yelling.  Gabe need not worry because the Sweathogs announce that they are never going to speak to each other again.

Later, at the apartment, Gabe struggles to eat Julie’s famous tuna casserole.  “You think I like spending my entire life listening to your stupid jokes!?” Julie demands.  Gabe replies that he has to tell jokes to cheer himself up after eating Julie’s food.

Suddenly, Barbarino shows up, panicking about how he’s going to get the Sweathogs to follow his orders if they won’t talk to him.  Gabe says that he has to be a big enough person to say that he’s sorry and then Gabe apologizes to Julie.  Gabe and Julie then attempt to have an honest conversation about their argument while Barbarino continually asks them what they have to eat at the apartment.  Gabe suggests that Julie just not make tuna casserole anymore.  Julie throws food at Gabe.  Gabe throws food at Julie.  Barbarino asks if they have any espresso and gets even more food tossed at him.

The next day, at school, Gabe asks Woodman to come into his class, apologize for something, and allow Gabe to forgive him so that the Sweathogs can learn an important lesson.

“I don’t do requests, Kotter,” Woodman replies, “Do I look like Wolfman Jack? …. I don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Gabe then suggests that Woodman could enter the class and Gabe could be the one who apologizes.  That sounds good to Woodman.  However, once they enter the classroom, Gabe apologizes for a prank he pulled ten years earlier and Woodman refuses to accept the apology.  As Woodman leaves, Horshack asks Gabe to keep it down because “There are people trying to be angry in here.”

Barbarino, realizing that he’s responsible for fixing this problem, orders Horshack to apologize to Epstein.  After Gabe tells them that their friendship should be their most prized possession, Epstein forgives Horshack.  Barbarino apologizes for not doing Freddie’s homework and soon, everyone is hugging.  Awwwww!

Later, at the apartment, Gabe is all alone because Julie is at her friend Candy’s place.  Gabe calls Candy and asks to speak Julie.  When Julie comes to the phone, Gabe says, “Julie, did I ever tell you about my Aunt Edna?”  Julie hangs up on him.

This episode was a definite improvement on the previous one, with the emphasis being on the chemistry between the Sweathogs and their own hostile but ultimately affectionate interactions.  If the Sweathogs seemed neutered when they tried to start a gang, they regained their edge just one episode later.  So far, the best episodes of Welcome Back Kotter have been the ones where each member of the group gets a chance to shine and that’s certainly the case with this episode.

By the way, speaking as someone who can be a bit sensitive about her own cooking skills, I think Gabe is totally right about the tuna casserole.  Seriously, there’s comes a time when you just have to admit that you’re never going to master the casserole.