Paradise Canyon (1935, directed by Carl Pierson)

Someone is passing counterfeit bills on the Mexican border and the government thinks that it might be Doc Carter (Earle Hodgins), the manger of a traveling medicine show.  Working undercover, Treasury agent John Wyatt (John Wayne) joins Doc Carter’s medicine show as a trick shooter.  John discovers that Doc Carter is a quack and the miracle cure that he sells is 90% alcohol but that Doc Carter isn’t a counterfeiter.  Instead, Doc Carter is being framed by his former partner, Curly Joe (Yakima Canutt).  When John tries to tell the Mexican authorities about Curly Joe is doing, he discovers that Curly Joe has framed him as well!

This was the last of the B-programmers that John Wayne made for Monogram Pictures and it was the only one of Wayne’s films to be directed by Carl Pierson.  As he did in almost all of his early B-pictures, John Wayne gives a tough but likable performance.  He’s the most cheerful undercover agent that I’ve ever seen.  The action scenes are rudimentary and Pierson was obviously not as creative a director as some of the other filmmakers that Wayne worked with early in his career.  Carl Pierson was no Robert Bradbury.  But the medicine show angle does bring a different angle to the story, with Wayne getting to show off his trick shooting skills and Earle Hodgins providing comedic relief with his miracle cure.  Of course, John has a romance with pretty Linda (Marion Burns), who is Doc Carter’s daughter and who is also known as Princess Natasha.

Though it may not be one of the best of the 50 movies that John Wayne made before getting his star-making role in Stagecoach, Paradise Canyon will still be appreciated by fans of both the Duke and the simple but entertaining B-westerns of the past.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.6 “Mike and Ike / The Witness / The Kissing Bandit”

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, I learned that there’s no way to escape the Bradys!

Episode 2.6 “Mike and Ike / The Witness / The Kissing Bandit”

(Dir by Allen Baron and Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 21st, 1978)

This week, The Love Boat continued to be a floating HR nightmare as Newton Weems (a very young Billy Crytsal) donned a mask and spent his nights running around the ship and kissing every single woman that he came across.  Fortunately, Newton’s such a fantastic kisser that no one demands that the police be alerted.  Unfortunately, with every woman on board eager to get kissed, that means that no one is reacting to the lame flirtations of Doc, Gopher, and the Captain.  The Captain decides that the best way catch the Kissing Bandit would be to use Julie as a decoy.  If I was Julie, I would point out how reasonable I was about the Captain’s uncle and demand more money.  Instead, Julie allows herself to be kissed and soon, she’s in love with the Kissing Bandit as well.

However, Newton eventually realizes that he’s actually in love with another passenger, Roberta (Laurie Walters), and that he doesn’t have to wear a mask to be romantic.  Though this disappoints his biggest fans (played by Nancy Kulp, Pat Carroll, and Sharon Acker), it does make the rest of the crew happy.  It seems like the Captain should be worrying more about running the ship than hitting on every woman who comes aboard but I guess big luxury liners pretty much run themselves.

While this was going on, Isaac was reconnecting with his old friends, Lenore (Marilyn McCoo) and Mike (Billy Davis, Jr.).  When they were younger, they used to perform on street corners for spare change.  Now, Mike is an executive vice president and he’s so work-obsessed and stuffy that his own son (Todd Bridges) thinks that his father doesn’t love him!  Fortunately, things work out in the end.  Mike realizes that there are things more important than business.  Ted Lange gets to show off his dance moves, though it’s hard to forget that Isaac once accused another passenger of being a sell-out for doing the same thing.

Finally, Frank McLean (Robert Reed) is taking a cruise so that he can avoid testifying in a murder trial.  He is spotted by Suzanne (Toni Tennille), who knows Frank from the old neighborhood.  At first, Frank denies even being from New York but, eventually, he tells Suzanne his story.  Suzanne falls for Frank but she has a secret of her own.  By Love Boat standards, this story is fairly dramatic but it ultimately fails because there’s not a hint of chemistry between Reed and Tennille.  In fact, Robert Reed looks even more miserable after he falls in love than he did before.

On a personal note, I just can’t escape The Brady Bunch, can I?  Last week, even as I was finishing up The Brady Bunch Hour, Robert Reed showed up on Fantasy Island.  This week, Eve Plumb went to the island while Robert Reed boarded the ship.  There’s just no way to escape those Bradys!

Film Review: 10 to Midnight (dir by J. Lee Thompson)

The 1983 film, 10 to Midnight, opens with LAPD detective Leo Kessler (played by legendary tough guy Charles Bronson) sitting at his desk in a police station.  He’s typing up a report and taking his time about it.  A reporter who is in search of a story starts to bother Leo.

“Jerry,” Leo tells him, “I’m not a nice person.  I’m a mean, selfish son-of-a-bitch.  I know you want a story but I want a killer and what I want comes first.”

It’s a classic opening, even if Leo isn’t being totally honest.  Yes, he can be a little bit selfish but he’s really not as mean as he pretends to be.  He may not know how to talk to his daughter Laurie (Lisa Eilbacher) but he is also very protective of her and he wants to be a better father than he’s been in the past.  He may roll his eyes when he discovers that Detective Paul McAnn (Andrew Stevens) is the son of a sociology professor but he still tries to act as a mentor to his younger partner.  Leo may complain that the criminal justice system “protects those maggots like they’re an endangered species” but that’s just because he’s seen some truly disturbing things during his time on the force and, let’s face it, Leo has a point.  When one of Laurie’s friends is murdered, Leo is convinced that Warren Stacy (Gene Davis) is the murderer and he’s determined to do whatever he has to do to get Warren off the streets.  “All those girls,” Leo snarls when he sees Warren, his tone letting us know that his mission to stop Warren is about more than just doing his job.

Warren Stacy is handsome, athletic, and he has good taste in movies.  (He’s especially a fan of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.  Just don’t try to trick him by saying Steve McQueen played the Sundance Kid.)  Warren is also a total creep, the type of guy who complains that a murder victim “wasn’t a good person,” because she trashed him in her diary.  When Leo takes a look around Warren’s apartment, he finds not only porn but also a penis pump.  (“It’s for jacking off!” Leo yells at Warren, enunciating the line as only Charles Bronson could.)  Warren is also a murderer but he’s a clever murderer, the type who sets himself up with an alibi by acting obnoxiously in a movie theater.  Warren strips nude before killing his victims, in order to make sure that he doesn’t leave behind any evidence.  (This film was made in the days before DNA testing.)

Leo knows that Warren is guilty but, as both his gruff-but-fair captain (Wilford Brimley, naturally) and the D.A. (Robert F. Lyons) point out, he has no way to prove it.  When Warren starts to stalk Laurie and her friends (including Kelly Preston), Leo decides that he has no choice but to frame Warren.  But when Warren’s amoral attorney, Dave Dante (Geoffrey Lewis, giving a wonderfully sleazy performance), threatens to call McAnn to the stand, McAnn has to decide whether to tell the truth or to join Leo in framing a guilty man.

10 to Midnight is a violent, vulgar, and undoubtedly exploitive film, one that features a ham-fisted message about how the justice system is more concerned with protecting the rights of the accused as opposed to lives of the innocent.  And yet, in its gloriously pulpy way, this is also one of Bronson’s best films.  It’s certainly my personal favorite of the films that he made for Cannon.

Director J. Lee Thompson and Charles Bronson were frequent collaborators and Thompson obviously knew how to get the best out of the notoriously reserved actor.  Bronson was not known for his tremendous range but he still gives one of his strongest performances in 10 to Midnight, playing Leo as being not just a determined cop but also as an aging man who is confused by the way the world is changing around him.  Stopping Warren isn’t just about justice.  It’s also about fighting back against the the type of world that would create a Warren Stacy and then allow him to remain on the streets in the first place.  Interestingly, though Leo doesn’t hesitate when it comes to framing Warren, he is also sympathetic to McAnn’s objections.  Unlike other Bronson characters, Leo doesn’t hold a grudge when his partner questions his methods.  Instead, he simply know that McAnn hasn’t spent enough time in the real world to understand what’s at stake.  McAnn hasn’t given into cynicism.  He hasn’t decided that the best way to deal with his job is to be a “mean son of a bitch.”  Bronson and Andrew Stevens, who had worked together in the past, have a believable dynamic.  McAnn looks up to Leo but is also conflicted by his actions.  Leo may be annoyed by McAnn’s reluctance but he also respects him for trying to be an honest cop.  Their partnership feels real in a way that sets 10 to Midnight apart from so many other films about an older cop having to deal with an idealistic partner.

One of the most interesting things about the film is Leo’s relationship with his daughter, Laurie.  Over the course of the film, Leo and Laurie go from barely speaking to bonding over liquor and their shared regrets about the state of the justice system.  When McAnn first meets Laurie, she’s offended when McAnn suggests that she takes after her father.  But, as the film progresses, she comes to realize that she and Leo have much in common.  (To be honest, I related quite a bit to Laurie, especially as I’ve recently come to better appreciate how much of my own independent nature was inherited from my father.)  Lisa Eilbacher and Charles Bronson are believable as father-and-daughter and they play off of each other well.  The scenes between Laurie and Leo give 10 to Midnight a bit more depth than one might otherwise expect from a Bronson Cannon film.  Leo isn’t just trying to protect his daughter and her roommates from a serial killer.  He’s also trying to be the father who he wishes he had been when she was younger.  He’s trying to make up for lost time, even as he also tries to keep Warren Stacy away from his family.

As played by Gene Davis, Warren Stacy is one of the most loathsome cinematic villains of all time.  Warren’s crimes are disturbing enough.  (Indeed, the surreal sight of a naked and blood-covered Warren Stacy stalking through a dark apartment is pure nightmare fuel.)  What makes Warren particularly frightening is that we’ve all had to deal with a Warren Stacy at some point in our life.  He’s the sarcastic and easily offended incel who thought he was entitled to a phone number or a date or perhaps even more.  As I rewatched this movie last night, I wondered how many Warrens I had met in my life.  How many potential serial killers have any of us unknowingly had to deal with?  Warren tries to strut through life, smirking and going out of his way to let everyone know that he knows more than they do but the minute that Leo turns the table on him, Warren starts whining about he’s being treated unfairly.  During his final, disturbing rampage, Warren yells that his victims aren’t being honest with him, blaming them for his actions.  The film deserves a lot of credit for not turning Warren into some sort of diabolical and erudite supervillain.  He’s not Hannibal Lecter.  Instead, like all real-life serial killers, he’s a loser who is looking for power over those to whom he feels inferior and for revenge on a world that he feels owes him something.  He’s a realistic monster and that makes him all the more frightening and the film all the more powerful.  Warren is the type of killer who, even as I sit here typing this, could be walking down anyone’s street.  He’s such a complete monster that it’s undeniably cathartic whenever Leo goes after him.

How delusional is Warren Stacy?  He’s delusional enough to actually taunt Charles Bronson!  At one point, Warren informs Leo that he can’t be punished for being sick.  Warren announces that, when he’s arrested, he might go away for a while but he’ll be back and there’s nothing Leo can do about it.  (The suggestion, of course, is that Warren will be back because he committed his crimes in California and all the judges were appointed by a bunch of bleeding heart governors.  Warren may not say that out loud but we all know that is the film’s subtext.  Some people may agree with the film, some people may disagree.  Myself, I’m against the death penalty because I think it’s a prime example of government overreach but I still cheered the first time that I heard Clint Eastwood say, “Well, I’m all torn up about his rights,” in Dirty Harry.)  How does Leo react to Warren’s taunts?  I can’t spoil the film’s best moment but I can tell you that 10 to Midnight features one of Bronson’s greatest (and, after what we’ve just seen Warren do, most emotionally satisfying) one-lines.

The title has nothing to do with anything that happens in the film.  In typical Cannon fashion, the film’s producers came up with a snappy title (and 10 to Midnight is a good one) and then slapped it onto a script that was previously called Bloody Sunday.  Fortunately, as long as Bronson is doing what he does best, it doesn’t matter if the title makes sense.  And make no mistake.  10 to Midnight is Bronson at his best.