We open with Scroty at the computer again. He’s alone on the lived in and dingy spacecraft. He’s doing the work of three because Kurt is dead and LOTR-Guy is making coffee and trying to make time with Kelly.
Father Doug is taking confession and they are hilarious, including one man who confesses to masturbating twenty-two times. His response: You know that’s too much. This made it awesome because it established an acceptable range. However, he certainly is risking carpal tunnel. Father Doug reminisces about his time as a hip NYC musician.
The Spaceship- Scroty is struggling to replace a printer cartridge and the printer is hysterically outdated.
Gina is planning a take your significant other to your abduction support group day.
Ozzie, still struggling with his abductee status, opts to play hooky and heads to a bar. Father Doug is there getting slowly loaded after a long day of hearing people confess to self-abuse. The two of them begin to do shots and Father Doug is amazingly disappointed that people have a lack of interest in soccer. We have the Sounders here in Seattle and I have to write that I was truly amazed that we had a soccer team and that people went to see them … on purpose. I was even more stunned to discover that the tickets weren’t free. It’s not like they were handing the tickets out in a mall …gratis. These people knew ahead of time that the tickets would cost money….currency! I’m serious…people paid to see them….Americans…really….in my very city! Sad. Soccer is the Prius of sports.
Father Doug and Ozzie proceed to groove to “Word Up”! It’s kind of awesome.
The Significant Other get together is a disaster! Ernie’s son is like you’re gay and abducted by aliens?! Can’t you pick one?! Joy’s sister just starts laughing at her. Kelly and Chelsea fight about their affair with LOTR-Guy and his “Big Alien Dick”. Chelsea’s husband arrives and she has to leave. Bummer.
Father Doug admits to Ozzie that he’s in love with Chelsea. Ozzie wants to disclose to his mother that he is an abductee, but Father Doug tries to thwart Ozzie from telling his mom that he’s an abductee because it will forever define him.
During an active hangover, Ozzie gets a call from a friend who has information on Jonathan.
All of the Starcrossers go the bar together and bond.
Wait for it….Scroty gets a call from the Mothership.
Also, another great song is in the near credits:
Remember, as always, if you don’t watch People of Earth, all of the unicorns will die!