What Lisa Watched Last Night #154: Where’s My Baby? (dir by David Winning)


On Sunday night, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched Where’s My Baby?

Lochlyn Munro, the patron saint of Canadian-produced Lifetime melodrama and co-star of Where's My Baby?

Lochlyn Munro, the patron saint of Canadian-produced Lifetime melodrama and co-star of Where’s My Baby?

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh, why not?

Sorry, I’m trying to come a funny and/or interesting reason why I decided to watch Where’s My Baby? but the main answer is that it was on the Lifetime Movie Network and there was nothing else on.  Game of Thrones is on break.  Veep is on break.  There’s no killer zombies on AMC and I can’t watch Preacher because I resent its inaccurate portrayal of my home state.

So, with all that in mind, I figured why not see what was premiering on LMN!

What Was It About?

Marissa Davis (Nicole de Boer) wakes up after having spent the past five years in a coma.  She has no memory of how she came to be in that coma but she’s still happy to be awake.  She’s especially happy to discover that her best friend, Heather (Gina Holden), is married to Congressman Cal Ward (Lochlyn Munro).  Cal seems like a nice guy but he’s running for the Senate and talking about how much he believes in traditional values and we all know that, in a Lifetime movie, anyone who talks about values is eventually going to turn out to be a huge hypocrite.

Marissa is disturbed to discover that 1) she was the victim of a mysterious hit and run and that 2) she has a C-section scar.  Her mother (Iris Quinn) finally tells her that she was pregnant when she was hit by the car.  Her mother also assures her that the baby was delivered stillborn.

Meanwhile, Heather and Cal have a 5 year-old daughter!  What a coincidence!  And the baby appears to have the same hereditary kidney disorder that runs in Marissa’s family.  What could that possibly mean?  And, for that matter, why is a mysterious doctor suddenly so obsessed with removing Marissa’s kidney?

What Worked?

Oh my God, I so love these insane Lifetime movies.  Where’s My Baby is shameless fun, the type of movie that you simply cannot stop watching once it has begun.  The movie starts out crazy and it just keeps going from there!

Add to that, there’s a general rule when it comes to Lifetime films.  If Lochlyn Munro is in it, the film cannot be bad.  Lochlyn Munro has appeared in so many Lifetime films that, to some of us, he’s become the patron saint of the network.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked.  When a film is that insanely over the top, there’s no way that it can’t work.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

To be honest, there really weren’t any “Oh my God!  Just like me!” moments.  I’ve never suffered from amnesia.  As anyone who has ever gotten on my bad side can tell you, I never forget.

Never.

Lessons Learned

If you wake up with amnesia, don’t take anyone’s word for what happened while you were asleep.  Investigate for yourself.  Seriously, that’s a lesson to live by.

Music Video of the Day: 4th of July by X (1987, dir. ???)


It was either this, or Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It. I figured I might not have a good excuse to feature a video from X any other way while the other is easy to post for any day that can be associated with civil rights and/or independence. It’s interesting that a band known for emerging from the L.A. punk rock scene with songs like Johnny Hit and Run Paulene would go on to do a bluesy rock song like this. Then again, The Replacements went from songs like Johnny’s Gonna Die to Achin’ To Be, so maybe it isn’t so weird after all. When you take out the very 80s effects, you get a simple video of them performing to a small audience while fireworks go off. I like the relative darkness of the video because it adds to the idea that they are performing at a place where fireworks are going off with reflections cast upon them and the walls. It also adds to the intimacy of the performance. Look for the ‘X’ that appears in his eye at the very beginning of the video before they show the one on the ceiling.

Edit: I’ve since found out that editor Glenn Morgan edited this music video.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #153: Newlywed and Dead (dir by Penelope Buitenhuis)


Last night, I watched the Lifetime premiere movie, Newlywed and Dead!

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Why Was I Watching It?

There were a lot of reasons why I was watching Newlywed And Dead.  The main reason was that it was on Lifetime and watching, live tweeting, and reviewing Lifetime movies is one of the many things that I do!

Beyond that, I thought Newlywed and Dead was an absolutely brilliant title.  That title pretty much sums everything that we love about Lifetime movies, doesn’t it?

And finally, the movie starred Shenae Grimes-Beech!  Back when she was just Shenae Grimes (and before she showed up on 90210), she played Darcy Edwards on Degrassi!  Darcy was always one of my favorite characters on Degrassi.  Whether she was plotting to break Paige’s leg during a Spirit Squad routine, getting stalked as a result of the pictures she posted on MySpace (or MyRoom as Degrassi called it), leading prayers at Friendship Club, falsely accusing Mr. Simpson of sexual harassment, or encouraging Spinner to go to class stoned, Darcy was the best!

What Was It About?

Kristen Ward (Shenae Grimes-Beech) would appear to have the perfect life.  She not only lives in a beautiful valley but she works for handsome developer, Jay Morgan (Christopher Russell).  In fact, she not only works for him but she’s also married to him!  Of course, some people are concerned about Kristen marrying a man that she barely knows but Kristen knows that their love is true.  Even when she discovers that, 10 years earlier, Jay was arrested for assault, she doesn’t let that worry her.  Who doesn’t have a criminal record?

But then Jay’s aunt, Barbara (Venus Terzo), takes Kristen to the house where Jay grew up.  And Kristen sees a painting of Jay’s mother and notices that his mother looks just like her!  Considering that Jay’s mother died under mysterious circumstances, Kristen starts to get worried.

Then Aunt Barbara dies under equally mysterious circumstances…

And Kristen starts to get really worried…

What Worked?

Shamelessly melodramatic and just a little bit campy, Newlywed and Dead was everything that we love about Lifetime films.  I’ve often felt that the best thing about Lifetime films is knowing that people across the country are all saying, “Girl, don’t trust him!” at the same time that you are.  Watching a Lifetime movie is meant to be a communal experience, whether you’re forcing your sister or your BFF to watch with you or if you’re watching with a bunch of people on twitter.  Newlywed and Dead is definitely a film that should be watched with a group of your favorite people.

Beyond that, I liked the film’s look.  The mansions were opulent and the scenery was beautiful to look at.  There was one room that had way too much blue in it but otherwise, Newlywed and Dead was a feast for the eyes.

What Did Not Work?

As I watched the film, I kept waiting for that one unexpected twist that would transform it from being a very good Lifetime film to a great Lifetime film.  All great Lifetime films have that one moment where something totally insane happens.  While Newlywed and Dead features a lot of entertaining insanity, it never had the one moment.

(For example, I kept expecting Jay to reveal that he had an evil twin brother named Ray.  But it never happened.)

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I always relate to any character played by Shenae Grimes-Beech.

Lessons Learned

Never marry your boss.

 

In Rural America


With the 4th of July approaching, consider life in rural America with these 10 photographs!

Hawaii -- Erin Nicole

Hawaii — Erin Nicole

Hawaii -- Erin Nicole

Hawaii — Erin Nicole

Idaho -- Doug Fredericks

Idaho — Doug Fredericks

 Montana -- Todd Klassy

Montana — Todd Klassy

Oklahoma -- Erin Nicole

Oklahoma — Erin Nicole

Pennsylvania -- Matt McClean

Pennsylvania — Matt McClean

South Carolina -- Artist Unknown

South Carolina — Artist Unknown

Texas -- Erin Nicole

Texas — Erin Nicole

Texas -- Kate Bazin

Texas — Kate Bazin

Texas -- Michael Lloyd

Texas — Michael Lloyd

Music Video of the Day: It’s My Life by No Doubt (2003, dir. David LaChapelle)


Yesterday we looked at the Talk Talk version of the song It’s My Life. This time around No Doubt and director David LaChapelle stuck with the theme of the lyrics, but instead put it into a darker context. It screams 2002’s Best Picture winner Chicago all over it. It also has a fair amount of film noir elements in it except it’s the guys who are the ones who do her in rather than the other way around as it appears throughout the video. At least that’s the way it comes across at the end whether they some how arranged the appearance of their deaths or are looking at her execution from the afterlife. I can’t help but think some of the song and the video is the way it is because of Stefani’s relationship with the band and Gavin Rossdale at this time. That stuff certainly showed up in other videos and songs from the band going all the way back to Don’t Speak. But that’s for another day.

Film Review: The Shallows (dir by Jaume Collet-Serra)


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Have you seen The Shallows yet?

The Shallows was released last week, to strong box office and surprisingly good reviews.  Ever since it came out, people have been telling me, “You have got to see The Shallows!”  Well, I finally did see it earlier today and you know what?  I should have seen it earlier.  The Shallows is one of the best films of the year so far.

Now, I have to admit that, even before I saw the film, I was pretty sure that I was going to like it.  Just from watching the trailer, The Shallows looked like a big-budget Asylum film or maybe a mainstream version of Shark Exorcist.  After all, here we had a movie about a blonde in bikini being menaced by a giant shark while stranded on a rock in the middle of the ocean.  It looked like it would be one of those big, over-the-top nature-gone-crazy movies that I always enjoy watching on SyFy.

And, to a certain extent, it is.  The Shallows was directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, a Spanish director whose previous work would seem to indicate an appreciation for old school grindhouse and drive-in cinema.  There’s really not a subtle moment to be found in The Shallows.  The shark is huge and whenever it finds something to eat, the ocean turns red with blood and while this grudge-holding shark may not behave like a real-life shark, it does behave like a movie shark.  When, at the start of the film, Lively is on her surfboard and blissfully unaware of the danger under the sea, girl power anthems blast on the soundtrack.  Whenever the camera briefly pans underwater for a shot from the shark’s point of view, the music suddenly becomes ominous and full of menace.  The action is nearly non-stop, pausing only occasionally for a few moments when the camera lingers on Lively either stretching on the beach or resting on the rock and yet the cinematography is so stunning and Lively’s performance is so great that these shots don’t feel exploitive but instead celebrate her both her outer and her inner strength.  Undoubtedly, a lot of people are buying tickets because Blake Lively spends most of the movie in a bikini but The Shallows is still one of the most empowering films of the summer.

That’s right, I just said that Blake Lively gives a great performance.  I have to admit that, despite loving Gossip Girl, I was never really sold on Blake Lively as an actress until I saw her in The Shallows.  I thought she was wasted in The Town and her performance in Savages left me so annoyed that I was literally screaming in the theater.  But no matter — Blake Lively proves herself to truly be a talented actress in The Shallows.  From the minute she appears onscreen, you’re on her side.  You’re happy for her when she finally gets to surf the beach that her recently deceased mother surfed when she was young.  You fear for her when the shark makes its first blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance.  And when she’s stranded on that rock, fighting for her own survival and trying to figure out a way to close a huge gash on her leg (and this was a scene that I literally watched through my fingers), you find yourself truly fearful that she’ll never be rescued.  (One of the strengths of the film is that you’re never fully convinced that Lively is going to survive her ordeal.)  Blake Lively gives a performance here that I would compare to James Franco’s breakthrough work in 127 Hours.

Actually, a lot of the scenes in The Shallows reminded me of 127 Hours.  For that matter, there were also a few scenes that reminded me of Wild and, of course, the Jaws influence was obvious as well.  The Shallows is a derivative film but, to its credit, it borrows from the best and Collet-Serra always manages to add his own individual spin to even the film’s most predictable moments.

Along with Lively’s performance and Collet-Serra’s direction, there are three other things that make The Shallows special.

Number one, it features an amazing seagull.  The seagull, which has an injured wing, spends most of the movie hanging out with Blake Lively on that rock and provides her with some much needed companionship.  The seagull also happens to be a helluva actor and, at times, I found myself even more worried about the seagull’s survival than Lively’s.  According to the credits, the seagull’s name is Sully and he better get some love from the Academy next January.

Number two, there’s a scene in which two soon-to-be-doomed surfers ask Blake Lively if she’s from California.  “No,” Lively replies, “Texas!”  From the minute she said that, all of us at the Alamo Drafthouse were on her side.  And, just in case any of you northerners have any doubts, people do surf in Texas.  Just ask anyone who has ever spent spring break in Galveston or Corpus Christi.

Finally, The Shallows is a short movie and, after sitting through so many overlong movies, it was nice to see a movie that was direct and to the point and which did not include any unnecessary padding.  The Shallows only needed 86 minutes to tell its story and not a minute more!

(Compare the 86-minute The Shallows to the 151-minute Batman v Superman and you’ll understand what film critics mean when they complain about a film being overlong.)

With its truly breathtaking shots of the ocean and it’s nonstop action, The Shallows is a film that you owe it to yourself to see on a big screen.  So get to it!

TS2

 

Creature Double Feature: THE BLACK SCORPION (1957) and THE KILLER SHREWS (1959)


gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

Creature_Double_Feature_Logo

Back in the glory days of local television, Boston’s WLVI-TV (Channel 56) ran a Saturday afternoon movie series titled “Creature Double Feature”. It was a huge ratings hit during the 1970’s, introducing young viewers to the BEM (bug-eyed monsters) movies of the past. Let’s return now to those halcyon days of yesterday with a look at two sci-fi flicks from the fabulous 50’s.

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First up is THE BLACK SCORPION, a 1957 giant monster movie from Warner Brothers. This low-budget saga starts off with stock footage of volcanos erupting and earthquakes a-quaking, and a hyperbolic narrator expounding on natural disasters threatening Mexico. Two brawny geologists, Hank and Artur, investigate the devastation. While out scouting they run into beautiful rancher Teresa Alvarez, whose vaqueros have fled the hacienda in fear. After getting them back on the ranch, our scientists attend an autopsy of a dead Mexican cop (the doctor performing the autopsy looks like he…

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