In 1978’s Death Drug, Philip Michael Thomas plays Jesse Thomas.
Jesse is a plumber with a dream. He wants to be a songwriter, a musician, and most of all, a star. His girlfriend and eventual wife, Carolyn (Vernee Watson-Johnson), stands by him as he sends his music off to record companies and waits for word. When he’s finally given a recording contract, no one is happier for him than Carolyn. Certainly, Jesse’s own father doesn’t seem to care much about his son’s success. “I have no son,” he says, even after Jesse wins a Grammy.
(To be fair, they’ll give just about anyone a Grammy.)
Unfortunately, with success comes temptation. While celebrating at a local club, Jesse is approached by a drug dealer (Frankie Crocker) who gives Jesse a cigarette that is laced with Whack. Whack, as those of us who have seen Disco Godfather can tell you, is PCP. Remember Disco Godfather‘s cry of “We’ve got to attack the whack?” Well, Jesse allows himself to become a victim of whack attack. It starts out simply enough, with a moving painting. Then, before you know it, Jesse’s hairbrush is turning into a hungry alligator and Jesse starts to become convinced that everyone is plotting against him. Even a trip to the grocery store goes wrong as Jesse spots spiders in the produce and zombies in the aisles! Jesse freaks out. He runs outside. He…. well, no spoilers for me. But let’s remember the words of Rudy Ray Moore in Disco Godfather. Put your weight on it! Yes, indeed. Put your weight on it, Jesse.
This is one of those anti-drug films that was probably best enjoyed by people who viewed it while high. It’s a rather short film, which means that Jesse goes from being a hard-working plumber-turned-musician to a ranting and raving maniac in record time. Philip Michael Thomas throws himself into the role, especially the ranting and raving part. I’ve been binging Miami Vice so seeing the usually collected and cool Thomas screaming in terror at things that aren’t there was an interesting experience. Because the film was so short, there’s some filler that’s awkwardly tacked on, presumably to bring the movie up to feature length. We get a news report about a man who went crazy from PCP-usage and had to be taken down by the cops. We get a report about Jesse Thomas’s musical career that features a much-older looking Philip Michael Thomas performing a song that’s more from the 80s than the 70s. (That was inserted into the film when it was re-released in 1985, at the height of Thomas’s Miami Vice success.) There’s a lengthy news report at the end that, hilariously, has a moment where the reporter apologizes for “technical difficulties” that were probably included just to get the movie past the 70-minute mark.
As I mentioned, this film was re-released in 1985. Philip Michael Thomas filmed a special introduction for the film, in which he played pool in his Hollywood mansion and told the viewer that, out of all the roles he had played (“cops, kings….”), none of them meant as much to him as his performance as Jesse Thomas. Philip Michael Thomas is the epitome of 80s cool in that introduction and in a short scene that appears after the end credits. Don’t worry, folks, the film is telling us. Jesse Thomas may have fallen victim to the whack but Philip is still over here putting some weight on it.
In the end, it’s all fairly silly but it does make a nice companion piece to Don Johnson’s Heartbeat. If you’re a success, you really owe it to yourself to have a vanity project. It’s what the people want.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
It’s time for another cruise on …. THE LOVE BOAT!
Episode 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)
This week’s cruise is all about money!
For instance, in this episode, we learn that Doc Bricker is from a small town called Cedar Flats. Doc was the head of a committee that raised the money necessary to send Mike Lucas (Randy Powell) to medical school so that Mike could return home and serve as the town doctor. However, when Mike boards the cruise with his fiancée, Tracy (Cindy Morgan), it turns out that he has some bad news. Tracy’s wealthy father has offered Mike a job working at a Park Avenue clinic in Manhattan. Mike is planning on taking the job because of the money and the fact that Tracy doesn’t want to live in a small town. Unfortunately, that will leave Cedar Flats without a doctor.
Doc Bricker, showing that he actually is a man of integrity despite also being a walking HR nightmare, decides that he has no choice but to return to Cedar Flats and serve as their doctor until someone can be found to replace him. He asks Captain Stubing for a six-month leave of absence. Stubing agrees but warns that the cruise line might hire someone to take Doc’s place.
Meanwhile, Suzy Marshall (Kyle Aletter) is excited because it appears that her daughter, Anne (Lee Meriwether), has attracted the attention of a wealthy man named Jonathan (Larry Breeding). Little do they know that Jonathan is actually just Johnny, the ship’s valet. Johnny is wearing another passenger’s clothes and pretending to be rich.
At one point, Johnny takes Anne back to his cabin, making this the first episode to show us what a low-level employee’s cabin looks like. It’s small and cramped and located at the bottom the boat, which means it’ll be the first to flood if The Love Boat ever hits an iceberg. It’s also mentioned that Johnny is not allowed to eat in the main dining room with the passengers. I have to admit that it’s all a bit disillusioning. Apparently, the Love Boat is a terrible place to work!
Finally, a passenger named Donald Gray (Robert Ginty) tells the Captain that he works for the Secret Service. He is on the Love Boat because he hopes to capture a notorious counterfeiter. But what will happen when that counterfeiter turns out to be Jesse (Demond Wilson), Issac’s ne’er-do-well uncle who claims to have turned a new leaf? Poor Isaac!
Well, don’t worry. Everything works out:
1) Mike realizes that he has to honor his commitment to Cedar Flats and, after talking to her father, Cindy realizes that she loves Mike enough that she can be happy in a small town. (Cindy’s father says some very dismissive things about Cedar Flats but it turns out that he was only doing that to get Mike so outraged that he would have no choice but to return home. He was doing it as a favor to Doc Bricker. Can you imagine if that plan didn’t work? What if Mike just said, “You’re right! New York, here we come!”)
2) Anne learns the truth when she sees Johnny in his valet uniform. Luckily, she doesn’t care.
3) It turns out that Donald is actually a criminal who is masquerading as a treasury agent and Uncle Jesse is an undercover government agent! Isaac is happy to learn this but also agrees to keep Jesse’s secret. “You’re my favorite nephew,” Uncle Jesse replies. Awwwww!
This was an okay cruise. The guest stars weren’t particularly interesting but Bernie Kopell and Ted Lange both got an opportunity to show what they could do when given a real storyline to deal with. Kopell especially deserves a lot of credit for showing that humanity that lurked underneath Doc’s carefree surface. This episode kept me entertained and I enjoyed the scenery. Really, what else can you ask for from The Love Boat?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.
This week, Charo shows up but Tattoo doesn’t.
Episode 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 7th, 1981)
Once again, we have an episode the features only stock footage of Tattoo shouting, “The plane, the plane!” Otherwise, Herve Villechaize is not in this episode.
What excuse does Mr. Roarke come up with this week to explain Tattoo’s absence?
He’s hung over.
Seriously, that’s what Mr. Roarke goes with! He explains to Julie that Tattoo was up very late, helping another guest celebrate a drunken fantasy. It must be said that Ricardo Montalban seems to be quite amused to be labeling his sidekick a drunk. Apparently, Herve Villechaize was holding out for more money when this episode was shot and I’m guessing Tattoo being hung over was a “take that” on the part of the show’s producers. To be honest, it feels a bit petty.
It falls to Julie to help Charles Atkins (Sherman Hemsley) fulfill his fantasy. Charles is a short man who has been picked on by bullies all his life. He wants to feel strong and confident. Julie gives him a potion that she thinks will give him “inner strength” but — whoops! — instead it turns Charles into the world’s strongest man. As Roarke admonishes Julie for not being specific when she ordered her potion, Charles embarks on a wrestling career. Can Charles defeat Sampson Smith (H.B. Haggerty), the most savage wrestler in the world? Or will he instead fall in love with Sampson’s publicist, Carrie Wilson (Vernee Watson) and realize that true strength comes from inside? We all know the answer. A more important question is whether Mr. Roarke will ever be foolish enough to let Julie handle a fantasy again?
This fantasy was nothing special. The comedy was a bit too broad, though I did like the heartfelt performances of both Sherman Hemsley and Vernee Watson. The main problem is that the whole thing hinged on Julie screwing up in a way that really didn’t make any sense. Surely, she would have been smart enough to make sure she had the right potion before giving it to Charles. I mean, not being careful with your potions sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Surely, Mr. Roarke would have kept a closer eye on his goddaughter as she handled her first fantasy ever. Poor bumbling Julie doesn’t really work as a sidekick. The show suffers without Villechaize’s snarky attitude.
Villechaize’s absence means that we also miss the chance to see him acting opposite Charo and that just seems like a crime against pop culture. I have to admit that I was a little worried when I saw Charo’s name in the opening credits, largely because I thought she would be playing her silly Love Boat character. Instead, Charo plays a world-famous guitarist named Dolores DeMurica, whose fantasy is to go back to the days of Spanish California and meet her ancestor, the famous El Lobo Rojo. (El Lobo Rojo is basically Zorro but if Fantasy Island’s producers weren’t going to give Herve Villechaize a raise, they certainly weren’t going to pay for the rights to Zorro.)
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by Charo’s fantasy. There was a lot of swashbuckling action, Cesare Danova and Alex Cord both gave good supporting performances, and Charo seemed to be energized by playing a character who, while comedic, was not quite as silly as The Love Boat‘s April. Charo actually gave a pretty good performance here and the entire fantasy was fast-paced and fun to watch. It would have been even more fun if Tattoo had shown up but it was not to be.
This episode was a mixed bag, with one forgettable fantasy and one entertaining fantasy. In the end, both fantasies would have been better with Tattoo.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!
This week, season 3 comes to an end!
Episode 3.23 “Eagleman/Children of Mentu”
(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on May 17th, 1980)
As I watched the third season finale of Fantasy Island, I found myself growing a bit sad. Even though I went into this program knowing that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize eventually came to despise each other, it’s still a bit jarring to see just how obvious that dislike was by the end of season 3. Gone were the silly moments of banter that used to start each episode. Instead, by the end of season 3, each episode opened with same stock footage of Tattoo announcing the plane and then Roarke and Tattoo heading down to the docks to meet their guests. When Tattoo and Roarke do speak to each other, the actors barely look at each other. As I said, it’s a shame and it’s hard not to feel that the show itself became a bit less interesting once Roarke and Tattoo stopped interacting.
As far as this week’s fantasies, they both feel somewhat familiar. There’s a comedic fantasy and a vaguely serious fantasy, both featuring actors who had previously appeared on the show in different roles. The comedic fantasy features Bob Denver as Morris Binstock who comes to the Island for a business retreat. Accompanying him is his son, Barney (Keith Coogan). Ever since the death of his wife, Morris has struggled to connect with his son. His fantasy is to become his son’s favorite comic book hero, Eagleman!
And he gets his wish. Roarke has set up an entire Eagleman secret headquarters in the closet of Morris’s room. Morris puts on the Eagleman costume and he does a flew klutzy things and he gets to fly. His son is happy. But is Morris devoting so much time to being Eagleman that he’s running the risk of losing a promotion at work? After all, a promotion would not only mean more money but it would also be something that would continue to exist, even after Morris left the Island. It looks like obnoxious Hal Ripley (Larry Storch) is going to get the promotion but when the company’s CEO, H.H. Moran (Jim Backus), discovers that Morris has been pretending to be Eagleman to make his son happy, Moran makes Morris vice president. H.H. Moran is all about family!
The more serious fantasy features Vernee Watson as Rochelle McKenzie, a reporter who is trying to track down Dr. Arthur Gates (Ralph Bellamy), a millionaire who vanished one day. Roarke explains that Dr. Gates has been spotted on the nearby Island of Mentu. Roarke warns her that the inhabitants of Mentu are not friendly and Rochelle will be putting her own life at risk if she goes to the island,
Rochelle still goes to the island and guess what? Roarke was not lying about those angry inhabitants. One of the men is horribly scarred. Another has to use a crutch but still growls at every human he sees. The island and the natives were exploited by a mining company and now, the natives distrust almost everyone they see. However, Dr. Gates has decided to dedicate his life to taking care of them. That’s a good thing because it turns out that the scarred native has a sick child and only Dr. Gates can provide the proper medical attention.
Both stories are fairly silly, though at least Rochelle’s story gives Ralph Bellamy a chance to take on the type of role that was usually given to Ray Milland. If you only know Bellamy as the guy who was constantly getting dumped for Cary Grant in the 30s and 40s, this episode allows Bellamy a chance to show that he could be a likable and authoritative actor. As for the Eagleman story, it was kind of uncomfortable to watch because Bob Denver looked like he was in his early 60s and it was hard not to worry about him seriously injuring himself whenever he put on the costume.
There’s an interesting moment in Rochelle’s fantasy, in which she tells Mr. Roarke that she feels foolish coming to the Island in pursuit of a “fantasy.” She feels that she’s being childish but Roarke explains that fantasies are not childish and that one should always pursue their dreams. Whether it was intentional or not, this scene serves as a mission statement for the entire series. Yes, Fantasy Island was frequently silly and childish but, in the end, it still resonates because people will always have dreams and they will always have fantasies. There will always be a place for Fantasy Island.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, season 2 begins!
Episode 2.1 “Career Day”
(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 23rd, 1976)
The 2nd season begins with Gabe telling Julie a joke about the time that his aunt went to a pet store and complained that the turtle she had bought had blisters on the bottom of its feet. Apparently, there was a kid who thought that the turtles were toy trucks. Julie gets angry over the punchline and storms out of …. the principal’s office? Why was Gabe telling Julie a joke in the principal’s office?
It’s career day at Buchanan High! A radio DJ comes by the class and talks about the joys of being on the radio. He tells Horshack that there’s no way that he could ever be a successful radio DJ. After the DJ leaves, Epstein points out that everyone they’ve seen for career day makes more money than their teacher. As if on cue, Mr. Woodman enters the room with a special guest …. hey, it’s Pat Morita!
Pat Morita explains that he is Taro Takahashi and that he is an inventor. Among his inventions is “transistorized underwear,” which the Sweathogs think is a crazy idea. Takahashi gets offended and leaves. Gabe and the Sweathogs follow Takahashi to Woodman’s office.
“My class has something to say to Mr. Takahashi,” Gabe says.
“What?” Barbarino asks.
Eventually, all of the Sweathogs realize that Gabe expects them to apologize and, somewhat reluctantly, they do so. Epstein apologizes for not being a good student but he points out that teachers don’t make much money. Takahashi asks how much money teachers make. Woodman whispers the amount to Takahashi. Takahashi whispers it to the Sweathogs. Everyone has a good laugh, except for Gabe.
Takahashi is impressed by Gabe’s determination and offers him a job in Chicago and offers to pay him twice his current salary.
“I don’t think you understand how dedicated Mr. Kotter is to his students.” Horshack says.
“SHUT UP, HORSHACK!” Gabe replies.
Mr. Woodman announces that he’ll take the job and work for less than Kotter.
Takahashi says that he’ll be in New York for a week and he will be awaiting Gabe’s answer.
Gabe goes back to his apartment and tells Julie about the job. Julie tells Gabe that he should take the job so that they can get a two-room apartment and a second pair of shoes. She makes a good argument. Takahashi then shows up at the apartment, looking for an answer. And then Woodman shows up, wearing a kimono and still trying to get Takahashi to hire him. “I could learn to love raw fish!” Somewhat disturbingly Takahashi says that the biggest mistake he ever made was picking up a hitchhiker who looked a lot like Woodman.
The next day, Takahashi accompanies Gabe to school. At the classroom, the Sweathogs dress up in white karate outfits, bang a gong, and speak in exaggerated accents that I think are meant to sound Japanese and …. uhm, yeah, this episode is getting REALLY cringey.
Fortunately, Takahashi then spends about two minutes calling out everyone on the show for being insensitive, stupid, and crazy and Pat Morita totally kills it, perfectly capturing Takahashi’s growing annoyance with Buchanan High’s students and staff. (If you watch the scene carefully, you can catch both Gabe Kaplan and John Sylvester White breaking character and laughing in the background.) Takahashi’s Horshack imitation is peerless.
Gabe gives a speech about how much he enjoys being a teacher and why he could never give up his current job. Takahashi respects his decision and leaves so that Pat Morita can star in a short-lived spinoff called Mr. T and Tina. However, Takashi does return briefly at the end of the episode so Gabe can tell him about “Uncle Max and his friend” who used to enjoy discussing global politics as their local Chinese restaurant.
This episode suffered because it was obviously a pilot for another show. It felt off because the Sweathogs were largely sidelined by Mr. Takahashi. That said, Pat Morita was funny and Mr. Woodman’s gradual descent into madness continued to be entertaining to watch. It wasn’t an ideal season opener and a lot of the humor hasn’t aged well but, as is so often with this show, the chemistry of the cast turned out to be the episode’s saving grace.
Episode 2.2 “Inherit The Halibut”
(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 30th, 1976)
Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Aunt Esther “who was a matron in a movie house.” Julie politely listens as Gabe tells the story of a moviegoer who fell from the balcony to the floor.
At school, the Sweathogs check the big plastic halibut in which class treasurer Freddie has been keeping the class fund and they are shocked to discover that the halibut is empty! Everyone accuses Freddie of taking the money.
“You’re calling me a thief!?” Freddie says.
“No,” Horshack says, “an embezzler.”
It’s mock trail time! Gabe agrees to act as Freddie’s defense attorney. Horshack puts on a suit and plays prosecutor. Epstein serves as bailiff. Barbarino throws on a bathrobe and serves as the judge. The other Sweathogs are the jury.
Speaking in a bad Southern accent and carrying a paper fan, Gabe announces that “when you walk through the pasture of evidence, you’re bound to step in some facts.”
Horshack calls a witness who reveals that Washington bought a new bicycle at a police auction. He paid eight dollars, the same amount as what was in the halibut. Gabe points out that no one asked Washington from where he got the eight dollars. Mr. Woodman is sworn in as a surprise witness and says Washington did it.
“Objection!” shouts Gabe, “This witness is hostile!”
Woodman goes on to reveal that he saw Washington counting money outside of the school. (“I checked my wallet,” Woodman says.) Gabe claims that Woodman is too bitter to be a credible witness. Woodman announces that Gabe’s students will be spending a lot of time in the court in the future and runs out of the room, laughing maniacally.
Gabe only has one witness. He calls Freddie to stand and asks him if he took the money. Freddie refuses to answer questions from either Gabe or Horshack. While Horshack dramatically asks his questions, he accidentally breaks open the halibut and several coins and dollars fall out of it.
“There’s a lot more than eight dollars here!” Gabe declares. In fact, there’s $32 in the fish!
Horshack suggests a plea bargain — “Let’s pardon Washington and split the money 50/50.”
Instead, Gabe calls Horshack to the stand. Horshack says that he’ll never snap before admitting to putting $8 in the fish to try to clear Freddie’s name. Epstein is called to the stand and admits that he also put $8 in the fish. Barbarino, as judge, then interrogates himself and bullies himself into admitting that he contributed $8 of his own to the fish. The other Sweathogs then announce that they also put $8 in the fish.
Gabe says that they still need to determine whether Freddie stole the money. The jury takes a second to convict Freddie. Freddie finally reveals that he did take the $8 but just so he could put it in the bank. Freddie reveals that he kept quiet because he was offended at everyone assuming that he stole the money. Still, Freddie realizes how the money’s disappearance looked to the class, so he forgives everyone and takes the $32 to the bank.
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie to guess what he’s hiding in his hands.
Gabe explains that he’s hiding an elephant and Julie smacks him.
I liked this episode, largely because it gave Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, who felt a bit underused during the first season, a chance to take center stage. I also respected Freddie’s refusal to answer a question that he shouldn’t have been asked in the first place. Good for you, Freddie!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
It’s exam time!
Episode 1.20 “The Telethon”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 12th, 1976)
Gabe tells Julie about the time he went to visit “my uncle, Mo Kotter, in the hospital.” Uncle Mo was in an oxygen tent. Gabe accidentally stepped on his air hose. Uh-oh!
At school, Gabe shows up for class and immediately makes the Sweathogs groan by announcing that it’s time to take a test. He passes out the test papers and Freddie announces that this is a test that he can pass. Yay! I’ve always felt that Freddie was actually one of the smarter Sweathogs and I’m glad to see that he is finally making an effort to excel academically and …. oh wait. Freddie is just pointing out that the test papers are blank because the school’s Xerox machine has broken down.
Yes, the school desperately needs money. But how can the Sweathogs raise money for their much-needed supplies? Barbarino volunteers to sell kisses. Freddie suggests stealing hubcaps. Horshack starts shouting, “Let’s put on a show!” Gabe argues that no television station — not even public access channel 52.4 — would agree to air a Sweathog telethon. However, Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to gloat about how, due to budget cuts, the remedial Sweathog class is going to have to be cut, unless the Sweathogs can come up with $700. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, Gabe and the Sweathogs invite the president of channel 52.4 to the school so that he can see the Sweathogs perform Me and My Shadow. Needless to say, the Sweathogs get their telethon! Will they be able to raise $700?
(Seriously, no one had an extra $700 lying around?)
The telethon is broadcast live from Gabe’s classroom and even Mr. Woodman shows up in a tux. “I sing!” he explains. Once the show goes live, Gabe (of all people) freezes up on camera so Julie has to grab the microphone from him and explain the purpose of the telethon. Julie proceeds to sing a deliberately off-key version of Let Me Entertain You. Juan Epstein sings a version of “Day-O” while playing the bongo drums. Freddie sings a song and turns out to be just as off-key as Julie. Gabe and Horshack do a somewhat disturbing routine where Gabe pretends to be a ventriloquist and Horshack pretends to be the dummy. Barbarino sings his “Ba-Ba-Barbarino song.” And I have to admit that I actually laughed at all this. I’ve seen a lot of “let’s put on a show” episodes from the 70s and this is one of the first where the point is that no one is as talented as they originally claimed. It’s a fun little twist.
As the telethon comes to an end, Gabe realizes that they still need to raise $22 to make their goal. (Can’t Gabe just donate $22 from his next paycheck?) Anyway, Gabe’s mom calls and offers to donate $22 if Gabe sings some silly song from his childhood. Gabe sings something about apple pie and — yay! The Sweathogs are saved. Woodman sings My Way as the telethon comes to a close.
Back the apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Uncle Ben. “Did he make rice?” Julie replies. Gabe explains that Ben didn’t make rice but that he was schizophrenic.
Anyway, the important thing is that the Sweathogs raised $700 without having to contribute any money themselves. New York City really is a generous city.
Episode 1.21 “Kotter Makes Good”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 19th, 1976)
Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about the time that his cousin Brucie didn’t want to go to school because all the student made fun of him. Aunt Elsie told Brucie that he had to go to school because, “You’re 37 and you’re the principal.”
At school, the Sweathogs are worried about exam week. Horshack makes out his last will and testament because his father is going to kill him when he sees his grades. (Yikes!) Epstein has a note from “Epstein’s mother,” requesting that he be excused from exams because he’ll be attending the Ecumenical Council in Rome. Gabe attempts to encourage the Sweathogs to just study and take the tests but he is interrupted by Mr. Woodman, who drops by to announce that Gabe never took his senior exams. Horshack says that Gabe should just take the upcoming exams with the Sweathogs.
Back at the apartment, Gabe searches for his old school records while Julie tells him that he needs to study. Suddenly, the Sweathogs show up to help Gabe study. Epstein brings the blackboard from school. (“It just fell off the wall,” Epstein says.) Horshack shows up dressed like Mr. Kotter and asking Julie if she wants to hear a joke about his uncle. Though it takes a while, especially with Gabe deciding to show the Sweathogs what its like to teach them (“Hi there,” Gabe repeatedly says to Freddie), Gabe eventually realizes how much his students care about him and he decides to study with them.
At the school, a chagrined and twitching Woodman tells Gabe that he made a mistake and Gabe actually did take his senior exams while a student at Buchanan High. Gabe, however, takes the makeup exams anyways. He passes every exam, though he does come very close to failing his Algebra test. The Sweathogs celebrate by singing a version of the Mickey Mouse Club song.
Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his Aunt Selma, who was a lousy driver and parked her car in the kitchen. This is followed by a second joke, in which Gabe tells Julie about two brothers who always went fishing. The jokes probably would have been funnier if Gabe had been able to tell them without Julie interrupting him every few minutes. This was one of those episodes were you could really see that there was some truth behind the stories of Marcia Strassman hating her time on the show.
This was one of those episodes that worked primarily due to the chemistry between the members of the cast. Horshack’s Kotter impersonation was surprisingly effective and John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance as Woodman was, once again, a highlight of the episode.
Next week: Barbarino becomes a priest and the first season ends!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we’ve got a two-parter!
Episode 1.16 “Follow The Leader, Part One”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 20th, 1976)
“Julie,” Gabe asks as they have dinner at the apartment, “Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Sylvester, who was a real nut?” Uncle Sylvester went into a psychiatrist’s office and said, “Doc, you’ve got to help me! I’m a dog!” When asked how long he had felt like that, Sylvester replied, “Ever since I was a puppy!”
Julie is amused by the joke but she’s not amused when, the next morning, Arnold Horshack wakes her and Gabe up by tapping on their window. Apparently, Horshack has gotten into the habit of coming over to have breakfast with Gabe and Julie and Julie is sick of it! “We don’t have any privacy anymore!” Julie says, “Everywhere we go, there’s a Sweathog!”
Gabe gets upset at Julie for not appreciating the Sweathogs and announces that if Horshack wants to eat with them, Horshack is going to eat with them. He then allows Horshack into the apartment, where Julie gives him the stare of death. It seems like this might lead to trouble later….
(For the record, Julie has every right to be upset as she’s basically standing there in her bathrobe while Horshack hops up and down in her apartment. I mean, Gabe could have at least let her get dressed before letting his creepiest student climb in through the window.)
At school, Gabe teaches the class about democracy. He asks them how leaders are selected. Epstein says that leaders are elected except for Gerald Ford, who became president because he was the only person in Washington who wasn’t under arrest. Trying to reach his students, Gabe makes the mistake of saying that Vinne Barbarino is the leader of the Sweathogs.
“You’re the leader of the Sweathogs?” Freddie says to Barbarino.
“Is a bear Catholic?” Barbarino replies, “Does the Pope live in the woods?”
Gabe says that if the Sweathogs were democratic, they would have voted for who they wanted to lead them. The Sweathogs agree to vote, with Epstein assuring Barbarino that there’s no way they would ever vote him out.
“Does anyone want to challenge Vinnie Barbarino?” Gabe asks.
Freddie Washington stands up. “Hi there.”
The Sweathogs vote by raising their hands. Barbarino gets five votes. Freddie gets five votes. Oh my God, a tie! Wait a minute …. Epstein didn’t vote! After Gabe tells Epstein that it’s up to him to pick the leader of the Sweathogs, Epstein smiles and says, “Washington!”
Awwwww! Poor Barbarino! He looks heart-broken!
Epstein explains that Barbarino has been leader for a long time and that it’s time for “New Blood.”
“Hi there,” Freddie says, “I’m Boom-Boom New Blood.”
Barbarino calls the Sweathogs “punks” and then announces he’s dropping out of school before storming out the classroom.
Way to go, Gabe!
Later that day, Julie attempts to make up with Gabe be bringing him lunch at school but she’s upset when he starts to talk about Barbarino dropping out of school. “Can’t you talk about anything other than work!?” Julie demands, even though Gabe is actually at work. Julie gets even more upset when Epstein and Freddie enter the classroom, despite the fact that — again — Gabe is at work and it actually is Epstein and Freddie’s classroom.
Julie storms out of class, saying that Gabe can’t take anything seriously. Stunned Gabe barely notices as the other Sweathogs return from their lunch. Then, he hears Barbarino calling for him out in the hallway. Gabe steps out in the hall, to discover Barbarino wearing a skull cap and dress like a priest. Barbarino explains that his father got so angry at Barbarino for dropping out of school that he kicked Barbarino out of the house.
“Don’t worry,” Barbarino assures Gabe, “I don’t feel this is your fault, even though most of it is.”
Barbarino says that he needs to place to stay until he can figure out what to do. Even though he has to know what’s going to happen as a result, Gabe eventually agrees to bring Barbarino home with him.
Needless to say, Julie is not amused. She yells at Gabe and Gabe yells back and, for a few moments, I remembered all the stories that I’ve heard about how Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along off-screen. On-screen, Gabe Kotter tries to lighten the mood by asking Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Ira.
“I don’t care about your jokes, Gabe,” Julie replies. Ouch!
Julie walks out on Gabe.
OH MY GOD! The 30 minutes are up! How will they resolve this? Well, let’s find out….
Episode 1.17 “Follow The Leader, Part Two”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 22nd, 1976)
I have to admit that I was really hoping that Part Two would open with Gabe telling Barbarino a joke about his uncle and Barbarino totally not getting it. Instead, it opens with a recap of Part One.
After the recap, the show begins with Gabe sleeping on his fold-out couch and …. is that Vinnie Barbarino sleeping next to him? The audience goes crazy because Barbarino isn’t wearing as shirt but me …. well, okay, Barbarino looks good and I would have totally had a crush on Young John Travolta too. Still, it already seems strange enough for a student to live with a teacher without the two of them sleeping in the same bed.
Anyway, Epstein wakes them up by knocking on the window. (The audience goes even crazier as Barbarino struts over to the window to let him in.) It turns out that Horshack is with Epstein. They both want breakfast. Barbarino pours milk and cereal on them.
Entering the apartment, Epstein and Horshack discover that Julie has left Gabe. Horshack is upset. Epstein grins. While the Sweathogs get ready for their day, Gabe calls the local hotel and, after realizing that she checked in under her maiden name, he finally talks to Julie. Julie reveals that she’s called Gabe’s cousin, who also happens to be a divorce lawyer. Gabe kicks out Epstein and Horshack and then orders Barbarino to either go to school or get a job.
“I bet you don’t think I can get a job,” Barbarino says. “Well, guess what? You don’t need brains to get a job …. and I’m going to prove it!”
Gabe calls Julie again and finally gets her to agree to meet him at the apartment at 3:30. He promises that he’ll head home right after school.
Speaking of school, Freddie has managed to alienate all of the Sweathogs by letting his power go to his head. He orders Epstein to get a haircut and he tells Gabe that the Sweathogs need a recreation period. For some reason, Freddie wants to start the day with a square dance.
To my very real surprise, Gabe manages to get back to the apartment in time to clean up before Julie arrives. When Julie does arrive, she complains that Gabe cares more about the Sweathogs than her (and she has a point) and Gabe says that Julie needs to stop always feeling sorry for herself (and, let’s just be honest here, he has a point as well). Gabe tries to make his point by punching table and has to briefly step into the bathroom so he can yell in pain.
At the worst possible moment, Babarino shows up. He took Gabe’s advice and he got a job! He’s selling Tidy Didy cleaning products, door-to-door.
Gabe tells Barbarino to go back to school and tells Julie she has to build her own life instead of getting jealous of him and his job. Both Barbarino and Julie say that they’ll think about it before leaving.
At school, Gabe teaches a lesson about the two-party system and the importance of competition. Freddie admits that he doesn’t enjoy being the leader of the Sweathogs but he also doesn’t want to be a follower. Suddenly, Barbarino shows up and says that he’s back in school. Yay! He also suggests that the Sweathogs don’t need a leader. Freddie agrees. Yay!
Barbarino then says that he hopes that Gabe doesn’t mind that he asked out Julie.
“You asked my wife out?” Gabe replies.
“Yeah, just a couple of minutes ago. In the hall.”
Gabe steps out in the hall and discovers Julie waiting for him. They agree to work out their problems. Yay, I guess. Seriously, Julie seemed really miserable with Gabe. Julie does say that she would like to tell a joke once in a while.
“I can be very funny,” Julie says. The audience laughs because even they know better. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To keep his pants up. Why does the fireman wear red suspenders? To get to the other side.”
That night, back at their apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Bertha.
“No, no, wait!” Julie says, “Let me tell you about Aunt Bertha.” Aunt Bertha was so fat that when she sat around the house …. she sat around the house. That’s the joke.
This two-parter wasn’t bad at all. I like the fact that Gabe and Julie were both, more or less, equally responsible for the problems in their marriage and young John Travolta got to show off his natural comedic timing. Of course, if you know anything about the behind-the-scenes issues on Welcome Back, Kotter (like the fact that Marcia Strassman hated her time on the show), a lot of what happens in this episode takes on a deeper meaning.
Next week, Epstein finally finds a career path that doesn’t involve prison!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Mr. Kotter fights for his job and, even worse, has to have to dinner with two old acquaintances from his high school days.
Episode 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher”
(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 4, 1975)
Gabe tells Julie a joke about two men who were both named Bernstein. The punchline is, “You don’t want me, you want Bernstein the Spy on the second floor!”
At school, Gabe has got a problem! When Woodman step into the room to observe Kotter’s teaching style, he’s stunned to discover that Kotter and the Sweathogs are sitting in a circle on the floor and that they’re talking about their future ambitions. Freddie says he wants to own the world’s tallest building and call it the Boom Boom Building. Barbarino says that he wants to be an actor like Marlon Brando and then he and Epstein act out a scene from The Godfather. (Incidentally, John Travolta does a pretty good Brando.) Gabe is amused but Woodman is not. Woodman demands that Kotter teach from the textbook. Kotter points out that the textbook is out-of-date and there’s nothing in it to which the Sweathogs can relate. Woodman promptly suspends Gabe and orders him to attend a disciplinary hearing.
This episode suffers from a bit of early installment weirdness and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was originally meant to air earlier in the season. For instance, Woodman is a lot meaner than usual. Over the past eight episodes, Woodman has often gotten frustrated and annoyed with Kotter but there’s also been a grudging respect between the two. That Woodman would be shocked by Kotter’s teaching methods and would try to get Kotter fired as a result doesn’t really fit in with what we’ve previously seen of Woodman. In fact, when Woodman previously taught Gabe’s class, he revealed himself to be a good teacher who was willing to engage with the students on their level. Previously, Woodman has been grumpy and eccentric but he’s never really been malicious.
As well, in this episode, Kotter’s suddenly gets a best friend named Charlie Piper (Arnold Soboloff). Charlie is a science teacher who drinks alcohol from a beaker. He attends Gabe’s disciplinary hearing as a character witness and, at one point, mentions that he’s known Gabe ever since the school year began …. four week ago. Again, it’s hard to believe that the previous eight episodes all occurred over the span of just a month.
Fortunately, the Sweathogs sneak into the disciplinary hearing. Eptein and Washington pretend to be window cleaners. Horshack pretends to be a janitor. Vinnie shows up dressed as a cleaning woman. They all testify that Gabe is the best teacher that they’ve ever had. The arbiter of the case, Ms. Riley (Hope Summers), is moved by their testimony and Gabe keeps his job, though he is told to start using the text book. Gabe responds by putting the book on his head and teaching the Sweathogs about good posture.
Back at his apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his grandmother and a cursed ring.
This episode wasn’t bad, it just felt out of place. I appreciated Gabe’s defense of his students, in which he argued that they weren’t dumb but that they just needed a teacher willing to speak to them about their lives as opposed to someone just requiring them to memorize facts and figures. But, as I said before, Woodman is a lot more effective as a half-crazed eccentric than as a flat-out villain. Again, we’ll just describe this episode as being the result of early installment weirdness.
Episode 1.10 “The Reunion”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1975)
Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about the time that his Aunt Lucille took driving lessons. “No,” Julie says, “but I think I’m going to hear about it.” Not noticing that Julie doesn’t sound particularly enthused about hearing about any of this, Gabe explains that his Aunt Lucille had no idea how to signal when she was making a turn. Julie gives him a pity laugh.
Despite all the jokes, Gabe is not in a good mood. Two of his high school acquaintances, Lyle (Michael Taylor) and Mary Frances (Bridget Hanley), have invited themselves over for dinner. Not only does Gabe resent the fact that Lyle and Mary Francis always seemed to be “perfect” in high school but Julie is also planning on cooking her tuna casserole! In fact, Gabe seems to be more upset about the tuna casserole than about having to spend a night entertaining Lyle and Marcy Francis.
Naturally, after Gabe complains about the reunion during his social studies class, the Sweathogs put on their best suits and show up on Gabe’s fire escape while he’s entertaining Lyle and Mary Francis. The Sweathogs even bring food because they somehow know how terrible Julie’s tuna casserole is. Gabe confesses that he may not be as rich or as perfect as Lyle and Mary Francis but he’s happy because he’s getting to teach a great group of kids. Lyle explains that he was always jealous of Gabe because Gabe got to have fun as a Sweathog while Lyle always had to be “perfect.” Gabe learns that it was silly for him to be insecure and Lyle learns that there is more to life than just being fabulously wealthy. Awwwwwww!
Later, Gabe tells Julie a joke about an Italian man singing opera while barbecuing. The meat gets set on fire.
This episode wasn’t bad. It was interesting to see Gabe revealing that he’s not always happy about being an underpaid teacher who is probably never going to be able to afford a big apartment and it was also kind of touching to see how much both Gabe and his students cared about each other. Still, you do have to wonder why Julie keeps making the tuna casserole since literally no one in New York City is willing to eat it.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Freddie wants to get married and Epstein loses his confidence.
Episode 1.7 “Classroom Marriage”
(Dir by Bob LoHendro, originally aired on October 21st, 1975)
In their cluttered little apartment, Julie is shocked to discover that Gabe is not only awake at midnight but that he’s also sitting out on the fire escape with a basketball. Gabe explains that he’s depressed. He knows that there’s something going on with the Sweathogs but none of them trust him enough to come to him. In a perfect example of “Be careful what you wish for,” the phone rings.
Julie answers the phone and tells Gabe, “It’s Boom Boom.”
“Boom Boom who?” Gabe replies.
Of course, it’s Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington. Freddie says that he and his girlfriend need Gabe’s advice and that they’re on their way over. No sooner has the call ended then someone knocks on the door. Julie answers it and Vinnie, wearing a trench coat, rushes into the apartment.
After explaining that he can’t afford to be seen talking to a teacher, Vinnie explains that Freddie is planning on getting married. Suddenly, someone else knocks on the door. Vinnie hides in the bathroom.
Rosalie Tosty (Debralee Scott) enters the apartment, wearing a trench coat because she doesn’t want anyone to see her talking to a teacher. She explains that Freddie is getting married. Someone knocks on the door. Rosalie says she’ll hide in the bathroom.
“Vinnie’s in there!” Julie says.
Rosalie smiles and says that’s fine before joining him.
Kotter opens the door and Epstein, wearing a trench coat and a fake mouth on the back of his head, enters the apartment. Epstein says that Freddie is getting married and Vinnie is driving everyone crazy with his attempts to talk Freddie out of it. Someone knocks on the door. Epstein hides in a closet.
Again, Kotter opens the door. Horseshack enters, wearing a gorilla mask. He explains that he’s fine with Freddie getting married because he thinks it’s very romantic. Someone knocks on the door. Horseshack ducks out the window and hides on the fire escape.
Once again, the door is opened. Freddie enters, accompanied by his girlfriend Vernajean (Vernee Watson). Freddie explains that they’re getting married because Vernajean’s father is moving to Staten Island and Freddie can’t stand the thought of her living in a different borough. Gabe attempts to talk them out of getting married by talking about how difficult it would be for them to even find someone in New York City to marry them. “I mean,” Gabe says, “you could lie about your age and go to Maryland but….”
Freddie smiles. “We could lie about our age and go to Maryland!” Freddie thanks Gabe for the advice and then leaves.
This whole sequence is an example of the first season of Welcome Back, Kotter at its best. Yes, it’s very busy and frantic but the entire cast shows off perfect comedic timing, from John Travolta and Debralee Scott to Robert Hegyes and Ron Palillo. Robert Hegyes is especially funny as he captures Epstein’s mix of earnest eccentricity. And, to top it all off, the expression of Gabe’s face when he realizes that he’s accidentally convinced Freddie to get married is simply priceless.
Fear not. The next day in class, Gabe has Freddie and Vernajean do an exercise where they pretend to be married. They’re able to handle having Horseshack as their son but the pretend marriage pretty much falls apart as soon as Gabe shows up and demands that they pay him the rent. In the end, Freddie admits that he only asked Vernajean to marry him because he was afraid that she would forget about him after she moved to Staten Island. Vernajean assures him that could never happen. Awwwwww!
This was a sweet and funny episode. When Gabe ended the episode with a corny joke about his astronaut uncle, Buzz Kotter, you couldn’t help but feel that Gabe had earned the right to make his little joke. He did a good job.
Episode 1.8 “One Of Our Sweathogs Is Missing”
(Dir by Bob LoHendro, originally aired on October 28th, 1975)
Gabe tells Julie a rather macabre joke about his uncle who is marrying his fourth wife. Julie asks about the other three wives. Gabe explains that the first and second wives died from eating poisoned mushrooms and the third died from a fractured skull “because she wouldn’t eat the poisoned mushrooms.” Yikes! It’s hard not to feel that Gabe was warning Julie about rolling her eyes at any more of his jokes.
Meanwhile, at the school, the Sweathogs are excited when Todd Ludlow (Dennis Bowen) challenges Epstein to a fight. However, they are shocked when Epstein — voted most likely to take a life — is easily beaten by Ludlow. After Vinnie, Freddie, and Horseshack have a good laugh over Epstein and his black eye, Epstein runs off and disappears for three days.
Feeling guilty, Barbarino sets up Epstein Central in the classroom:
Mr. Woodman comes by, searching for his red phone. When the phone rings, Woodman insists on answer it himself.
It turns out that Julie is calling for Gabe, in order to tell him that Epstein has shown up at their apartment and locked himself in the bathroom. While Gabe heads home, Julie asks Epstein if he wants anything to drink. Epstein replies that he’s not worthy of anything good to drink but he would happily accept a flat and warm beverage.
Fortunately, Gabe shows up. Epstein agrees to come out of the bathroom as long as Gabe promises not to look at him. While Gabe stares at the lamp, Epstein explains that he only came by the apartment to say goodbye. He feels that his fearsome reputation was the only thing that Epstein had going for him. (Awwwww! Poor Epstein!) Gabe finally looks away from the lamp and tells Epstein that he’s a smart and energetic young man with a lot of potential. Seriously, this scene was so achingly sincere and well-acted by Gabe Kaplan and Robert Hegyes that it was impossible not to be touched by it.
Anyway, it all works out in the end. The other Sweathogs show up on Gabe’s fire escape and they declare their friendship for Epstein. Epstein agrees not to run away. He calls home and tells his mother that he’s okay. His mother tells him to have dinner with the Kotters because his family has already eaten that day. The audience laughs but that’s actually one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.
With everything resolved, Gabe tells Julie a story about his Uncle Bernie, who never took a bath.
Like the one that preceded it, this was a funny and surprisingly sweet episode. Welcome Back, Kotter is turning out to be a lot better than I was expecting.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, season 2 comes to a close as we take another trip to the other side of the island!
Episode 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 13th, 1979)
Oh crap, it’s another Fantasy Island Sunday Special!
Apparently, in 1979, Aaron Spelling wanted to do a Fantasy Island spin-off for children, one that would have aired on Sunday nights. The spin-off would have taken place on “the other side of the Island,” which was apparently designed to be very family-friendly. The previous Sunday Special featured Kimberly Beck as Mr. Roarke’s assistant on the other side of the island. In the second Sunday Special, Kimberly Beck is nowhere to be seen and the hosting duties are handled by Roarke and Tattoo.
As usual, Tattoo starts the episode by revealing his latest scheme. He’s read a book on Sherlock Holmes and has decided that he wants to be a master of disguise. He begins the show by disguising himself as Sherlock Holmes.
Later, he sneaks into Mr. Roarke’s office while disguised as a one-eyed, hook-handed pirate.
By the end of the episode, Tattoo has been reduced to dressing up like a chicken.
Mr. Roarke sees through all the disguises and, as usual, he comes across as being more annoyed than amused by his assistant. It’s often been said that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could not stand working together on Fantasy Island and, having spent nearly a year watching this show, I can say that it’s pretty obvious that was the case. Even while trading jokes, there’s an undercurrent of hostility to all of their interactions.
But what about the fantasies? Well, they’re a bit childish but let’s get to them. As with the previous Sunday Special, the children arrive via hot air balloon. No, Tattoo does not yell, “The balloon! The balloon!” In fact, the whole thing with the balloon seems to be silly and incredibly impractical. I mean, where is the balloon taking off from?
Departing from the balloon are the Collins Family. Robbie (Scott Baio), Willie (Jimmy Baio), Scooter (Keith Coogan), and Jodie (Jill Whelan) have come to the Island because Robbie has a fantasy about all of them becoming rock stars. Upon arrival, Mr. Roarke tells them that he has already taken the demo that they sent him and turned it into an album. They’re a big hit in the UK and on Fantasy Island. But can they impress the American record executive that Mr. Roarke has invited to hear them?
It’s going to be difficult because, as Robbie discovers, the album features a remastered version of their demo, one that makes them sound like better musicians than they actually are. Robbie panics. “How are we going to sound like that?” Mr. Roarke tells them to figure it out. Robbie’s solution is to just lip-sync to the album.
Now, to be honest, this seems like not only a practical solution but it’s also what a lot of bands do in real life. But Mr. Roarke is scandalized to discover that the kids paid Tattoo ten dollars to play the album back stage while they pretended to perform. Robbie’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses his crime to the record exec. The record exec doesn’t care. He hires the kids on a songwriters, because who wouldn’t want a bunch of pre-teen songwriters on the payroll?
However, the Collins Family has another problem. It turns out that they’re runaways! After their parents were lost at sea, the Collins kids were sent to four different orphanages. The kids escaped to Fantasy Island but now, Mrs. Ridges (Joanna Barnes) has come to the Island and is planning on taking the kids back. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke explains that he is the ruler of Fantasy Island and that the law doesn’t apply in his domain. Even more fortunately, a telegram suddenly arrives, informing the kids that their parents did not drown but instead washed up on an isolated beach in Mexico. Their parents have been rescued and the kids are no longer wards of the state! Yay!
(That’s some incredible Dues ex Machina there, no?)
While this is going on, Darius (Jarrod Johnson) wants to run the Fantasy Island Amusement Park.
Wait …. Fantasy Island has an amusement park?
Yep, and it’s kind of a dump. Seriously, the park looks like it reeks of spilled beer, stale weed, and lost dreams. It’s a true nightmare alley.
Darius’s main reason for wanting to run the park is so he can give his dad, motorcycle stunt driver The Great Scott (Ted Lange), a job. The Great Scott is hired to jump over the Fantasy Island lagoon but, when he sees Darius nearly fall off the Ferris wheel, he realizes that it’s more important to be there for his son than to risk his life. (That said, The Great Scott does risk his life by climbing up the Ferris wheel to save Darius.) Mr. Roarke then offers The Great Scott a new job, as the manager of the amusement park. Of course, I watched this whole fantasy thinking to myself that The Great Scott already had a great job, working as a bartender on the Love Boat.
That said, let’s give some credit to Ted Lange, who actually gives a pretty emotional and kind of touching performance as The Great Scott. Lange may be best known for playing Isaac but he’s also a graduate of London’s Royal Academy and I’ve heard that he was a wonderful Othello on stage. My point is that, even if he is best known for the way he would point at people while serving drinks, Ted Lange can act and this episode certainly proves that.
Overall, this episode was clearly meant to appeal to kids and, as a result, it felt a bit childish. This was not only the last episode of season 2 but it was also the last of the Sunday Specials and that’s probably a good thing.
Through the Shattered Lens 