What Lisa Watched Last Night: The 84th Annual Academy Awards

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, me and my BFF Evelyn watched the 84th Annual Academy Awards.

Lisa and Evelyn at the Oscars

Why Was I Watching It?

As if you had to ask.

What Was It About?

It was about honoring some good films and making a lot of catty comments about rich people who don’t know how to dress themselves.

What Worked?

You know who is adorable? Bret McKenzie, who all good people as a member of The Flight of the Conchords. He won an Oscar last night for best original song for Man or Muppet and he gave exactly the type of wonderfully sincere acceptance speech that you would expect from Bret McKenzie.

You know who else is adorable? Jim Rash. The script he co-wrote for The Descendants is overrated but it was still good to see Community’s Dean up there accepting an Oscar.

And you know who is really, really adorable? The little Emma Stone. Loved her dress and loved her whole little skit with Ben Stiller.

Jean Dujardin, Christopher Plummer, and Octavia Spencer all gave wonderful acceptance speeches and Uggie got to go on stage when The Artist won best picture! That was so cute!

What Didn’t Work?

Much like the Golden Globes last month, the Academy Awards were a rather somber affair, It was as if everyone couldn’t get over the fact that they had actually nominated Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close and everyone was muttering under their breath, “Let’s get this over with before anyone remembers that we nominated a film that not even those people at the Golden Globes were impressed by!”

As much as I enjoyed two of the nominees for best picture (The Artist and Hugo), respected one of them (The Tree of Life), and enjoyed another almost despite myself (The Help), the majority of the nominations this year went to movies that we will probably never watch again and to performers who will probably never have a year as good as this one. Perhaps that is why the various Academy montages all seemed to feature scenes taken from films that received not a single Oscar nomination. (More time was devoted to the latest Mission Impossible than to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.) It just gave the whole ceremony a rather odd feel. It reminded me of when I was in high school and the drama club would give out little trophies and certificates at the end of the year. I received a little trophy for being the Best Actress in Advanced Theatre during my junior year. I also got a certificate for “Biggest Flirt.” (My acceptance speech, by the way, was: “Couldn’t it have been for best lay?” Ahhh, High School.)

As host, Bill Crystal was pretty bleh and he kinda looked like Robert Blake from Lost Highway.

Whenever Rooney Mara popped up on screen, me and Evelyn would yell, “You need boobs to wear that dress, honey!”

Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech was long-winded and she came across as being a bit full of herself, I think. Now I know that you’re saying, “Well, gee, Lisa, she’s the greatest actress ever so she’s earned the right to be full of herself!” Actually, if you really pay attention to Streep’s performances, you’ll see that the main reason she has a reputation for being a great actress is because she never allows you to forget that she’s acting.

I missed James Franco.

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments

As I mentioned on twitter, Evelyn and I have decided that we were the Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz of my living room. We’re still debating on just who exactly was Cameron and who was J.Lo.

Lessons Learned

Everything is better with James Franco!

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards. I also got on twitter and made a lot of snarky comments. People seemed to enjoy it and for that reason, I say, “Yay!”

Why Was I Watching It?

Because I am an awards show junkie! Seriously, those glue sniffers on Intervention don’t have anything on me when it comes to craving the excess, glamour, and foolishness of a big, silly Hollywood awards show! Add to that, this is still a fairly wide open Oscar season and the Golden Globes are, as they always say on E!, a “precursor to the Oscars.” Winning a Golden Globe usually guarantees at least an Oscar nomination. Plus — Ricky Gervais was back to host and like a lot of people last night, I spent the minutes before the ceremony asking myself, “What ever will he say!?” in feverish anticipation.

What Was It About?

For the past 69 years, the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association have thrown a big banquet in January and given out a lot of awards to various TV and movie stars. Nobody’s really sure who the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are and, to be honest, the Golden Globes always have a slightly unsavory air to them. There’s always more than a few nominations that mostly seem to be designed to get famous people to show up at the ceremony, Last year, they nominated the Tourist, this year they nominated The Ides of March. Anyway, the Golden Globes are distinguished by the Oscars by the fact that they serve alcohol during the show and, in the past, someone’s always ended up giving a drunken acceptance speech or launching into an incoherent political rant and, for the past few weeks, we’ve been told that with Ricky Gervais returning to host the 69th annual banquet, anything could happen and probably would! Yay!

What Worked

Last night, I mentioned on twitter that if nothing interesting happened on the Globes or if Ricky somehow failed to deliver the expected amount of snark then I would devote this section of my review to talking about my boobs.

With that in mind, what can I say except that they’re a little big and heavy and they pretty much ended my dreams of being a ballerina but I like my boobs, or as I call them Pride and Joy. They go great with every outfit I own and I’m pretty sure that they’re also the reason why I’ve never had to pay a speeding ticket. Plus, they allowed me to say stuff like, “I should be Ms. Golden Globes!” while I was watching the show last night…

Actually, I’m being a little bit unfair to the Golden Globes (the awards ceremony, not my boobs). The tribute to Morgan Freeman was well-done and was probably the high point of the ceremony but then again, how can you go wrong with Morgan Freeman? Seriously, when I’m on the verge of doing something silly (like using a review of the Golden Globes to show off my boobs) , I imagine Morgan Freeman saying, “Now, do you really think that’s a good idea?”

Fashion-wise, I saw a lot of red dresses last night and that made me happy because I look really good in red.

Among the winners, Christopher Plummer (Best Supporting Actor for Beginners), Jean Dujardin (Best Actor In A Comedy Motion Picture for The Artist), Martin Scorsese (Best Director for Hugo), and Claire Danes (Best Actress In A Dramatic TV Show for Homeland) all gave good and classy acceptance speeches that made me feel good to be alive. And Uggie the dog was so adorable up there on stage when The Artist won Best Motion Picture Comedy. Actually, speaking of The Artist, it was kinda nice to see so many French people accepting awards last night. (Oh, stop it! I love France!)

I enjoyed it when Madonna won for best song because she was so shocked that she forgot to speak in her fake accent.

On an admittedly petty note, Rooney Mara did not win Best Actress for David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and that amused me greatly because I knew that all the little AwardsDaily Fincherites were torn about how to whine about Mara losing with coming across as if they were criticizing Meryl Streep for winning.

What Did Not Work

So, let’s start with the main problem. Last night’s Golden Globes ceremony was so respectable and predictable and slow that it might as well have just been the Oscars. Ricky Gervais started out the ceremony by telling us that he had signed an agreement to not make any offensive or outrageous statements and then he did just that. What’s especially annoying is that Ricky didn’t seem to be neutering himself as an act of protest or anything of the sort. Instead, he just came across like he was too smug and sure-of-himself to realize that he was bombing. It was as if he just expected his reputation to convince us that he was being funny and outrageous without actually being funny and outrageous. Last year, Ricky Gervais skewered Hollywood phonies. This year, Ricky Gervais was a Hollywood phony. I sat there waiting for him to say just one thing that could potentially end his career and he refused to do it.

But Ricky wasn’t alone. Seriously, where were the drunk winners launching into incoherent politically themed rants. I mean, it’s an election year for God’s sake. People on twitter were using the occasion to make all sorts of silly and naive political statements but the actual celebrities — the people who we depend on to act like a bunch of dumbasses — just sat there in this sort of placid anxiety like they were waiting for someone to show up for an intervention.

BLEH!

The majority of the night’s acceptance speeches were neither good nor bad. They were just boring. Listen, Meryl Streep is a great actress and I have no problem with her being recognized and awarded for her talent but oh my God, I nearly fell asleep trying to listen to her. Now, if Meryl (or any other winner) had gotten up on stage and started slurring her words or making dirty jokes or something like that, it would have made for great television. (Though I do have to give Meryl some credit for being the only winner to get bleeped.)

The Descendants won Best Motion Picture Drama but seriously, it’s hard for me to accept that this well-made but essentially unchallenging and rather forgettable film is now the Oscar front-runner. Seriously. Much as with every other award it has won, The Descendants felt like something of a compromise choice and, considering that Scorsese won best director, it’s hard to gauge just how much momentum the Descendants is going to get from this victory.

Oh! And another thing that sucked — how did George Clooney win a Golden Globe for essentially playing the same character he always plays while Michael Fassbender’s brilliant work in Shame was ignored? What type of game is that?

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

: To quote Joan Crawford, “I’ll show you a pair of Golden Globes!”

Lessons Learned

This is shaping up to be one of the worst Oscar seasons in recent history. Seriously, if just one deserving film or performance wins in February, I will be amazed.

A Quickie With Lisa Marie: The Artist (dir. by Michel Hazanavicius)

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I was concerned before I saw Michel Hazanavicius’s critically acclaimed, silent film The Artist. This is the film that’s currently being touted as an Oscar front runner and has been acclaimed by critics the world over. Whenever I see this type of acclaim, I usually end up disappointed in the actual film because hype that positive is very difficult to live up to. (Case in point: The Descendants.) However, having seen The Artist, I can now say that this is the rare film that actually is almost as good as the critics say it is.

Starting out in a highly stylized Hollywood in the 1920s, The Artist introduces us to silent film star George Valentin (played Jean Dujardin who shows the same charm and style that he used to ironic effect in the director’s previous OSS 117 films). Valentin is the biggest star in the world and he is cheerfully dismissive of the idea of “talking” film. However, once the age of the talkies begins, Valentin finds his star on the descent while his protegé, former extra Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo), becomes a star in talking films. Defiantly, Valentin continues to make silent films but is there anybody around still willing to watch them? Obviously, the storyline of The Artist is a familiar one but the film is more about how Hazanavicius tells this story than the story itself. The Artist is ultimately a triumph in pure and exuberant style.

At first, I have to admit that I was a little bit dubious about The Artist being a silent film. It sounded rather ominously like a gimmick and I was worried that The Artist would turn out to be one of those films that I felt obligated to enjoy as opposed to actually enjoying. Having seen the film, I can say that it is indeed a gimmick but it’s that rare gimmick that actually works extremely and genuinely well. Director Hazanavicius both pays homage to the conventions of silent cinema while also contrasting them against the harsher reality of loneliness and depression.

Much like the best of the old silent actors, both Dujardin and Bejo have amazingly expressive faces and they can say as much with their eyes as they could say with dialogue. Familiar character actors like John Goodman, James Cromwell, and Malcolm McDowell are also perfectly cast and used throughout the film’s narrative. Ultimately, however, the film is really stolen by Uggie, who plays Dujardin’s little dog and is just about the most talented canine I’ve ever seen on-screen. Seriously, he was adorable (and I say this as someone who is terrified of dogs both big and small) and he gets a chance to shine in a compelling sequence where he desperately tries to save his master from a fire. Seriously, Uggie gives such a great performance that I was surprised to discover that he wasn’t actually Andy Serkis under heavy CGI.

Technically, of course, The Artist isn’t really a silent film. It has a very rich and expressive musical score and there are two scenes in which Hazanavicius allows a few sound effects to be heard. Only towards the end of the film do we get to hear anybody speak and its truly jarring in the best way possible. If nothing else, The Artist makes us realize how much we take for granted the blaring soundtracks of most films. We’re so used to hearing things that we’ve forgotten how to listen. Luckily, The Artist is here to remind us.