Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

When I was trying to pick a show to review after finishing up Nightmare Café, Jeff suggested that I go with CHiPs, a very 70s show about the adventures of the California Highway Patrol.  I agreed after he showed me two episodes that involved a roller disco.  I mean, how could I resist?

Of course, we won’t get to the roller disco for a while.  That happened at the start of season 3.  Instead, we’re starting at the beginning, with the pilot.  The year was 1977.  Jimmy Carter was president.  Jerry Brown was the governor of California.  And two cops on motorcycles were about to roll into history….

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Paul Krasny, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

The pilot for CHiPs doesn’t waste any time in introducing us to our two main characters.  When we first see officers Jon Baker (Larry Wilcox) and Frank “Ponch” Poncharello (Erik Estrada), they’re on their police motorcycles and chasing after a stolen sportscar.  The chase being on the freeway and then eventually leads into Los Angeles.  Unlike the live police pursuits that we regularly see on television, this chase is unique in that there aren’t any other police officers involved, other than Baker and Ponch.  Maybe that’s the way that cops did things in the 70s but it does seem like Baker and Ponch would have had an easier time of it if they had some backup.  As it is, they don’t catch the thief but Ponch does crash his motorcycle.

Sgt. Joseph Getraer (played by Robert “father of Chris” Pine) is not amused to learn that Ponch has damaged another motorcycle.  The pilot wastes no time in establishing that Baker is the responsible, good cop while Ponch is the wild cop who takes risks and is always in trouble with the brass.  In fact, Ponch is on probation because of all the disciplinary reports that have been written against him.  Baker insists that Ponch is a good cop but it does seem like Ponch does manage to frequently crash his motorcycle.

Apparently, Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada did not get long while they were co-starring on CHiPs.  That’s not surprising.  That tends to happen on a lot shows.  What is interesting is that, even in the pilot, neither one of the actors seems to be making much of an effort to even pretend to like the other.  Whenever Estrada flashes his big smile or dramatically looks up to the heavens, Wilcox looks like he’s having to use every bit of his willpower not to roll his eyes.  I always point out when two performers don’t have any romantic chemistry.  CHiPs is an interesting case where there isn’t even any friendship chemistry.  At no point, during the pilot, do you get the feeling that either Baker or Ponch would really be that upset if the other was reassigned to some other part of the highway patrol.  Even in the scenes where Baker defends Ponch as being a good cop, Larry Wilcox seems to be delivering the lines through gritted teeth. 

As for the episode itself, it really is standard 70s cop show stuff.  The stolen cars are being smuggled in a moving truck and, eventually, Baker and Ponch spot the bad guys on the highway and, after a chase, they catch them.  Of course, before they do that, they deal with two accidents (one involving a glue truck and another featuring a woman trapped in an overturned car and yes, Ponch does get her number) and Baker orders a kid on a bike to pull over so he can give him some advice about riding in traffic.

As I said, it’s all pretty standard.  But that doesn’t matter because, from the first minute we see them, the motorcycles are extremely cool and so are the scenes of Ponch and Baker weaving in and out of traffic while pursuing the car thieves.  Baker may be dull and Ponch might come across as being more than a little flaky but no one is really watching for them.  The pilot is all about celebrating the idea of driving fast on the highway and basically reminding the world that you don’t have to follow the rules, even if you are the one who enforces them!  If you don’t want to join a car theft ring, you can always just get a badge and a motorcycle.  Either way, it’s ton of fun!

For all of the episode’s obvious flaws, it was still easy for me to understand why this pilot led to a series.  Motorcycles are cool!  Will they still be a cool after 100+ episodes of CHiPs?  That’s what we’re about to find out.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.10 “Glades”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs leave Miami!

Episode 1.10 “Glades”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 30th, 1984)

Episode ten opens with the Animals’s “We’ve Got To Get Out Of This Place” playing on the soundtrack and the camera tracking down some of the less glamorous sections of Miami.  This is a far different part of the city than the viewer is used to seeing on Miami Vice.  The sleek art deco architecture has been replaced by vacant lots, run-down apartments, and torn-up streets.  It serves as a reminder that, while some people in Miami are getting very rich, others are still trapped in the cycle of poverty.

Joey Bramlette (Keith Szarabajka) is staying in a  cheap motel room, courtesy of the Vice Squad.  Joey is due to testify in court against his former boss, a Colombian drug lord named Ruiz.  Joey’s testimony is the key to the entire case but, when he receives a mysterious letter, he escapes the safehouse and flees back to his home in the Everglades.  Though it was Zito and Switek who allowed him to escape, Crockett and Tubbs are the ones who head down to the Everglades to find him.

That’s right …. Crockett and Tubbs aren’t in Miami anymore!

As Crockett and Tubbs soon discover, the Everglades is full of rednecks, smugglers, and enforcers.  Safely hidden away from civilization, it’s a place where there is no law.  After a group of rednecks (led by John Pankow) trick Sonny and Tubbs into getting lost in the wilderness (“Moss grows on the north side of a tree!” Crockett announces as he tries to figure out how to return to civilization), the two cops are found by Joey and his wife, Cassie (Margaret Whitton).  Joey reveals that he still wants to testify but that Ruiz’s men have kidnapped his daughter.  Working together with Joey and his family, Crockett and Tubbs have to figure out how to storm Ruiz’s heavily guarded compound and rescue Joey’s daughter.

This episode was a bit of a change of pace but I enjoyed it.  Some of that is because, when I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in the country and I’ve still got a lot of family out there, working on their farms and living in communities much like the one that Crockett and Tubbs visited in this episode.  I may now be a city girl but I’ve still got my country side.  I can still remember what it was like, walking around the tall grass while wearing short shorts and a tank top.  Though I cringed a bit when it first appeared that this episode was going to portray rural Florida as being the equivalent of Deliverance, I was happy to see that it was ultimately a celebration of the resilience of country people.

There was an interesting subtext to this episode as everyone that Sonny and Tubbs met was a smuggler, either working for Ruiz or independently running marijuana into Florida.  Later, one of the older smugglers mentioned that he used to run moonshine, therefore suggesting that there wasn’t much difference between the War on Drugs of the 1980s and the doomed effort at prohibition of the 1920s.  Miami Vice is a cop show that often suggests that it’s sometimes best not to get too hung up on rigidly enforcing the law.  That’s quite a contrast to most other cop shows that I’ve seen.  Even modern cop shows tend to take the attitude that anyone who violates the law has to be punished in some way, whether by incarceration or death.  Miami Vice may have been about law enforcement but its heart belonged to the libertarians.

Next week’s episode of Miami Vice guest stars Burt Young, Michael Madsen, Lenny Von Dohlen, and Terry O’Quinn!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 1.9 “What A Night!”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, it’s a shop-lifting episode!

(Whenever I watch one of these episodes, I’m tempted to send Target a check for all of the makeup that ended up in my purse during my junior year of high school….)

Episode 1.9 “What A Night!”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 15th, 1987)

The very first episode of Degrassi Junior High featured the end of a long friendship.  Disgusted by both Stephanie’s provocative way of dressing and her flirtatious campaign for the class presidency, Voula declared that she no longer wanted to be Stephanie’s friend.  Since that episode, Stephanie has tried to apologize to Voula many times and Voula has not only refused to accept her apology but she’s also somehow gotten even more judgmental.  While I know that the usual reaction of many fans is to condemn Stephanie and defend Voula, I’m totally on Stephanie’s side.  Voula really needs to get over herself and realize that not everyone wants to dress like a Mennonite child bride.  It’s not Stephanie’s fault that Voula’s parents are absurdly overprotective and controlling.

This week’s episode features both a Stephanie plot and a Voula plot.  Even though Stephanie and Voula do not interact, it’s hard to watch What A Night without thinking about how different things would be if the two of them were still friends.  Voula served as a voice of reason for Stephanie and Stephanie was someone who encouraged Voula to have fun in her life without taking things too far.  Both Stephanie and Voula have a pretty bad night in this week’s episode and it probably wouldn’t have happened if they were still friends.

Stephanie, for instance, is happy because her favorite soap opera actor, Damon King (Barry Tull), is in town.  Damon is promoting his new book, Confessions of a Soap Star.  When Stephanie goes to the bookstore to get his autograph, the sleazy, mullet-headed Damon flirts with her.  When Stephanie tells him that she’s 16 (actually, she’s 14), Damon responds by giving her his phone number.

This is where Stephanie could have used Voula’s advice.  Voula would have said, “This actor is going to burn in Hell for putting himself as a false idol before God,” and that probably would have freaked out Stephanie enough to convince her to throw away the number.  Instead, Stephanie is forced to get advice from her two new best friends, the Farrell twins!  Heather Farrell says, “Be careful” but Erica Farrell says, “Go for it!”  And since Erica is the more talkative of the two, it is Erica’s advice that Stephanie takes.

Stephanie calls the number and Damon tells her to wait for him outside of a shabby looking convenience store.  Stephanie sneaks out of the house and finds herself waiting, for way too long, in the worst part of Toronto.  Finally, Damon shows up in his sports car.  Stephanie gets into the car and Damon immediately starts grabbing at her.  Shouting that she’s only 14, Stephanie jumps out of the car.  Damon drives off and Stephane calls her mom for a ride home.

Voula, meanwhile, has been hanging out with Lucy Fernandez and tutoring her on her spelling skills.  After Lucy gets a good grade her spelling test, she celebrates by taking Voula out to the mall so that Voula can get some clothes that make her look a little less Amish.  Voula says that she doesn’t have any money for clothes but Lucy explains that she won’t need any money because …. LUCY IS A COMPULSIVE SHOPLIFTER!

Voula freaks out when Lucy stuffs a sweater in her bag.  In fact, Voula freaks out so much that a clerk notices her and Lucy and calls security.  Despite attempting to run both up and down an escalator, they cannot escape the stern-faced, bilingual Canadian security guards.  Both Lucy and Voula are dragged down to the Toronto police station.  Voula’s parents eventually show up to get Voula but Lucy’s parents are out of town.  And, since this isn’t the first time that Lucy has been caught shoplifting, she’s going to be charged!  Don’t worry, though.  This is Canada so Lucy only has to do a few hours of community service.

What’s weird about this is that Voula is very forgiving of Lucy getting her arrested.  Sure, Voula is mad at first but, the very next day, she forgives Lucy and agrees to keep tutoring her.  Voula feels sorry for Lucy because Lucy’s parents are never home.  So, Voula will never forgive Stephanie for kissing Joey Jeremiah and wearing a short skirt but she’s totally fine with Lucy almost causing her to get a criminal record?

Seriously, Voula’s the worst!

This episode was pretty good.  I think what sets this episode of Degrassi apart from all the other teen shows that have deal with shoplifting and sketchy men is that both stories felt like they developed naturally from the personalities of the characters involved.  Stephanie sneaking out to meet up with Damon totally fit in with all of the other times that she’s tried to prove that she’s more “grown up” than she actually is and it’s another reminder that Stephanie actually is fairly naïve about the world outside of high school.  Voula and Lucy becoming friends makes total sense when you consider that 1) Voula hasn’t really had close a friend since she got mad at Stephanie and 2) Lucy and Stephanie have so much in common that it makes sense that a scorned stalker like Voula would select Lucy as her new obsession.  (Seriously, Voula’s bitterness towards Stephanie borders on Fatal Attraction territory.)  And Lucy’s shoplifting makes sense when you consider that her parent’s apparently have next to nothing to do with her.  It may sound like a cliché to say that Lucy is acting out to her parent’s attention but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Next week: Rick become an environmentalist in a bid to impress Caitlin!  If this sound familiar, that’s because, two decades later, Sean would do pretty much the same thing to impress Emma.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.6 “Seven Days Make A Week”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard once again proves himself to be worst boyfriend ever.

Episode 1.6 “Seven Days Make A Week”

(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on November 6th, 1985)

So far, the first season of Check It Out! has been dominated by stories dealing with the romantic relationship between Howard and Edna.  I’ve never really bought their relationship.  Some of it is because Howard and Edna have supposedly been together for six years but they still often come across as just being work acquaintances.  They seem more like friends than lovers, which makes all of the jokes about their sexual difficulties somewhat jarring.  Just how devoted Howard and Edna are to each other seems to change from episode to episode.  Unfortunately, Don Adams and Dinah Christie didn’t really have enough chemistry to help the audiences accept them as being a couple.

This episode, for example, finds Howard flirting with a health food representative named Michelle (Laura Dickson).  Michelle has set up a table in the store and, because she’s wearing a cleavage-baring leotard, she soon has the attention of every guy in the store.  Edna is concerned because she is planning on visiting her sister in Florida for a week and she doesn’t want to leave Howard alone with Michelle.

Fortunately, cashier Leslie (Aaron Schwartz) tells Edna that the last time that he and his boyfriend went on vacation together, Michelle was a guest at the resort and she was accompanied by her girlfriend.  Edna says that women who are friends often go on vacation together.  Leslie explains to Edna that Michelle and her girlfriend were more than just friends.  Edna is overjoyed!  Not only will she be on vacation but, while she’s gone, Howard will be humiliated when he tries to date a lesbian!

Seriously, this is does not sound like a healthy relationship.  Edna is putting off her vacation because she’s convinced that Howard (who is also her boss, which brings up a whole other set of ethical questions) is going to cheat on her as soon as she leaves.  But then she decides that she can go on vacation, not because she has any faith in Howard staying loyal to her but because she’s convinced that he’ll feel foolish once he does try to cheat on her.  It never seems to occur to Edna that Michelle could have been bisexual or that Leslie might just have his information wrong.

Because …. guess what?

Leslie does have his information wrong!  As soon as Edna leaves, Michelle tells Leslie that she and her girlfriend only pretended to be lovers so that all of the men at the resort would leave them alone.  Leslie panics, especially when Michelle asks Howard if he wants to come by her apartment and have dinner.  Howard agrees but — fear not! — Howard later tells Edna that he decided not to cheat on her because Michelle was boring.

(Myself, I’m trying to understand the idea of uptight, middle-aged Howard as being someone that anyone would fight over.)

Eh.  Edna is so happy that Howard ultimately deciding not to cheat on her that she kind of overlooks the fact that he was planning on doing so in the first place. This episode required the audience to care about Howard and Edna’s relationship but since the relationship doesn’t really make sense, neither does the episode.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/5/23 — 11/11/23


The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I’m still struggling to get caught up with this season.  Hopefully, I’ll have a lot of thoughts to share on the show after this weekend!

Big Brother 25 (24/7, Paramount Plus and CBS)

This stupid season is finally over!  You can read my thoughts over at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode of Check It Out should be dropping in about an hour.  Personally, I am proud of myself for the dedication that I have shown to reviewing a show that I don’t think anyone else has ever heard of.

C.H.i.Ps (Freevee)

Jeff and I watched two episodes of this extremely 70s cop show earlier tonight.  Jeff thinks I should review it for my next Retro series and I think he might be right!  The episodes we watched were all about disco roller skating.  It was fascinating in its own weird way.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this anime on Friday night.  It was a fun episode, one featuring a lot of explosions and cute outfits.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

Saturday night, I watched two episodes featuring Crystal and Anthony.  Anthony was accused of doing something unthinkable to his daughter by his former girlfriend, Crystal.  From the start, it was pretty obvious that Crystal was coaching her daughter and Anthony had not molested his daughter.  Crystal and her mother repeatedly yelled over Dr. Phil and at Anthony.  In general, people who are telling the truth don’t have to yell to make their point.

On Tuesday afternoon, I passed the time by rewatching the episode in which Dr. Phil talked to the creator of Jilly Juice, a disgusting-looking concoction that she claimed could regrow limbs, promote good health, and “cure homosexuality.”  I’ve been pretty critical of some of Dr. Phil’s shows but he was definitely at his best when he was exposing Jilly Juice, which had the unfortunate side effect of causing strokes.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th: The Series here!

Gun (Tubi)

I wrote about the final episode of Gun here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

Here, I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Nightmare Café (YouTube)

I finished up Nightmare Café this week.  My review can be found here!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Tuesday night, I watched an old episode of this 90s talk show.  Sally talked to men who treated their wives like slaves.  It was a skin-crawling episode and hopefully, every guest on it got divorced after their appearance.

On Wednesday night, I watched an episode featuring teenagers who were upset that their moms were dressing slutty.  To be honest, the teens all came across as being kind of whiny.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

On Tuesday night, I watched an episode in which a guy with a beard that made him look like a California cult leader was convinced that his stepdaughter’s boyfriend, who had a mustache that made him look like the owner of a 70s leather bar, was being abusive.  They both took lie detector tests and ended up shouting each other as the end credits rolled.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Just as with The Amazing Race, I’m dropping into this season late and still struggling to get caught up.  Hopefully, I’ll be caught up by the end of tomorrow.  For what I have seen, I am definitely Team Emily!

T and T (Tubi)

I reviewed T and T here!

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I reviewed Welcome Back Kotter here!

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

When his predecessor as PM describes Jim in unflattering terms in his autobiography, Jim tries to suppress the book through the Official Secrets Act.  It all led to a bit of a scandal and a lot of laughs.  Bernard got to do quite a bit in this episode, which I appreciated.  Bernard is always a fun character, seeing as how he’s right in the middle between Jim’s cluelessness and Sir Humphrey’s manipulativeness.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.19 “There Goes Number Five (a.k.a. Has Anyone Seen Arnold Part 2)”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we learn more than we ever wanted to know about Arnold Horshack.

Episode 2.19 “There Goes Number Five (a.k.a. Has Anyone Seen Arnold Part 2)”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro and James Komack, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)

When last we checked in with the Sweathogs, Arnold Horshack was missing and perhaps dead.  This episode opens with the Sweathogs in the classroom, telling Gabe that they’re worried about their friend.  Gabe says that Arnold must be having a “problem in his personal life.”

“Come on, Mr. Kotter,” Epstein says, “Arnold ain’t got no personal life.”

Suddenly, Horshack comes into the classroom and asks Mr. Kotter how one becomes a father.  “Well, first you meet a girl….” Gabe starts but Horshack stops him and explains that his fifth stepfather has died, felled by a heart attack while driving his taxi on the Long Island expressway.  Horshack is now the man of his family.  Everyone hugs Horshack and promises to help him out if they can.

“Awwwwww!” the audience says and it actually is a pretty sweet scene.

Unfortunately, the rest of the episode is not quite as effective.  After the scene with the Sweathogs, the viewer is suddenly confronted with a new tenement location, a host of new characters, and some very broad acting as the show goes from being an episode of Welcome Back Kotter to being a poorly disguised pilot for a show that presumably would have focused on Horshack’s eccentric family.  We meet Horshack’s mother (played by Ellen Travolta, sister of John).  We meet Horshack’s obnoxious sibilings.  When meet Goldie (Susan Lawrence), who Horshack has a crush on.  And we eventually meet Horshack’s uncle, the wealthy Harry Orshack (James Komack).  Uncle Harry gives Horshack a part-time job and agrees to train him to be “a shark” so that Horshack will be able to take care of his family.  We also meet Leonard (Robert Stoneman), who is Harry’s other protégé and who takes an immediate dislike to Arnold.  One can only imagine how many conflicts they would have had if this pilot had been turned into a show.

The episode suffers from a lot of problems, the least being that a little bit Arnold Horshack goes a long way.  As a character, Horshack is funny when he’s a part of an ensemble but he’s a bit too cartoonish to be effective as a lead.  On Welcome Back, Kotter, Horshack is an amusing eccentric but, in this episode, he’s surrounded by characters who are equally eccentric and it really does get to be too much.  Watching it, one can see why the idea of doing a show about the Horshacks never got out of the pilot stage.

For the record, this is the first episode of Welcome Back Kotter to not feature Gabe telling a joke at the beginning of the show.  As it ends, when Horshack returns to school and tells everyone that he’ll be working for his uncle Harry, Gabe offers to tell Horshack about his uncle who once had a job but we don’t actually get to hear the punchline of the joke.

In this episode’s defense, I should mention that it appears that both it and the previous episode actually aired on the same night and, as such, the backdoor pilot was the second half of a one-hour broadcast.  So, I imagine that viewers in 1977 didn’t find all of this to be as jarring as a viewer in 2023 would.  Still, if I was going to spin-off a Sweathog, I would have gone with Epstein.  He seemed like he had a wild life.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th 1.6 “The Great Montarro”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week’s episode of Friday the 13th is all about magic, blood, and costumes!

Episode 1.6 “The Great Montarro”

(Dir by Richard Friedman, originally aired on November 2nd, 1987)

This week’s episode opens with a magician named Fahteem (August Schellenberg) performing his signature trick.  He steps into the Cabinet of Doom and, once he’s sealed inside, several sword blades are driven through the cabinet.  Somehow, Fahteem always survives without a scratch and the audience is always amazed.  What the audience doesn’t know is that the Cabinet is a cursed antique.  Before each performance, Fahteem drugs a woman and locks her in another cabinet.  The blades kills whoever is in that cabinet while leaving Fahteem untouched.  Of course, if no one is in the other cabinet than the blades will kill whoever is in the Cabinet of Doom.  That is something that Fahteem discovers when an unknown perpetrator decides to take the cabinet away from him.

After Fahteem is murdered, Jack, a former musician who was an unfriendly acquaintance of Fahteem, discovers that the Cabinet of Doom was actually purchased from the antique store.  Jack decides to return to the world of magic and magicians so that he can track down the cabinet.  Helping him, and getting to wear a cute assistant’s uniform, is Micki.  Ryan also helps but he doesn’t get anything cute to wear.

It turns out that the cabinet is now in the possession of the Great Montarro (Graeme Campbell) and his wife, Lylah (Lesleh Donaldson).  Realizing that Jack is trying to take away the cabinet, Montarro and Lylah are soon targeting him and trying to make his signature trick into a fatal one.  Seeing as how that trick involves Jack being tied up in a sack that is then set on fire, that might be an easier task than it sounds.

This is the bloodiest episode of the show yet, with the camera focusing on the gory results of every failed trick.  Blood drips from cabinets.  Blood spreads across stages.  Watching the show, you really do find yourself watching why there’s so many spikes and blades just lying around.  Apparently, audiences for magic shows are not satisfied unless there’s a chance that they might see someone die in a terrible fashion.  In the role of Jack, Chris Wiggins appears to be having a ball performing magic tricks and, as a result, both Micki and Ryan spend most of the show standing off to the side.  Fortunately, Wiggins is a lot of fun to watch in this episode.  The joy that he takes from pulling off the perfect trick is contagious.  The overall episode is a bit too slowly paced but at least almost everyone gets to wear a nice costume.

Next week, Jack, Ryan, and Micki try to recover a cursed scalpel!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.1 through 2.4 “Straight Line”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, season 2 begins with a supesized episode.

Episodes 2.1 through 2.4 “Straight Line”

(Dir by George Mihalka, originally aired on October 24, 1988)

Straight Line, the second season premiere of T & T, is one story that is told over the course of four, 30-minute episodes.  According to both Wikipedia and the IMDb, all four of those episodes aired on October 24th, 1988.  To me, that would seem to suggest that Straight Line originally aired as a made-for-TV movie and that it was later split up into four episodes for syndication.  It’s something that happens with a lot of shows, especially when it comes to season premieres.  Straight Line was also apparently released, direct to video, as a stand-alone film in 1990 and you have to wonder how many people ended up renting it without realizing that they were spending their money on a super-sized episode of T & T.

The second season begins with some changes to the opening credits.  Most of the supporting cast — including Decker, Aunt Martha, Sophie, and Detective Jones — no longer appear in the opening credits.  (Decker and Aunt Martha do appear in the episodes but both David Nerman and Jackie Richardson are credited as being “guest stars.”)  Instead, it appears that there are now only three regular members of the cast — Mr. T, Alex Amini, and Sean Roberge as a new character named Joe Casper.  (Roberge previously appeared during the first season, playing a character named Fabian.)

Joe Casper is a teenager who is in a bit of trouble.  He’s gotten involved with a neighborhood gang known as The Future and when the Future disrupts a campaign event for a reverend who is seeking to become Toronto’s first black mayor, it leads to a bomb going off and killing Joe’s mother.  Distraught by what’s happened, Joe attempts to jump off a bridge but T.S. Turner (who was at the rally) approaches Joe and says, “Take it easy, little brother,” and that’s all Joe needs to hear to turn himself into the police.  Joe is going to need a good lawyer so T.S. calls Amy, who rushes over the police station and….

OH MY GOD, WHAT IS AMY WEARING!?

Amy explains that she was at a banquet when T.S. called but still, I would probably put on a coat or something before heading over to Toronto’s dirtiest police station.

Anyway, Amy is able to keep Joe out of jail.  Joe is sent to a juvenile rehabilitation center that is run by Dr. Hammel (Kenneth Welsh).  Dr. Hammel is an ally of the preacher who is running for mayor and everyone thinks that Dr. Hammel is a good and devoted social activist.  Of course, the audience automatically knows that Dr. Hammel is the bad guy because he’s played by Kenneth Welsh, who I imagine is best-known in America for playing the totally evil Windom Earle in Twin Peaks.

T.S. investigates The Future and discovers that there started out as a neighborhood watch before being transformed into a bunch of Neo-Nazis.  He also discovers that Dr. Hammel is the one who is behind the organization.  T.S. and Amy have to expose Hammel and they better hurry because the preacher running for mayor has been assassinated and Hammel has just announced that he’s running for mayor of Toronto!

This all may sound pretty exciting but the second season premiere is actually a bit dull.  The main problem is that, as opposed to the first season, T.S. doesn’t get to do much in the episode.  He’s rather subdued and there’s none of the quirkiness that made the character so memorable during the first season.  He doesn’t talk about his love for cookies.  He hardly calls anyone, other than Joe, “brother.”  There’s not even a scene of him hitting a punching bag.  It’s disappointing!  As well, he and Amy were separated for the majority of the show, which kind of goes against the whole idea of them being T and T.  Instead, the majority of the episode was devoted to introducing Joe.  The episode ended with Joe, tears streaming down his face, walking away with T.S. and apparently renouncing his former affiliation with The Future.  Since Joe is in the opening credits now, I assume he’s going to become T.S.’s ward for at least the next few episodes.

Hopefully, the next episode will features T.S. acting more like T.S.  Otherwise, this is going to be a long season.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.6 and 1.7 “One Fresh Batch of Lemonade”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week’s episode finds Jonathan and Mark working as physical therapists!

Episodes 1.6 and 1.7 “One Fresh Batch of Lemonade”

(Dir by Michael Landon, aired on October 24th, 1984 and October 31st, 1984)

Deke Larson, Jr. (Ken Olandt) is a high school baseball star who is being watched by the scouts, much to the joy of his father, Deke, Sr. (Jim Haynie).  The elder Deke was quite an athlete in his day and his house is still full of the trophies that he won through the years.  Deke, Sr. was recruited to play professional baseball but he never made it out of the minor leagues.  As a result, Deke, Jr. has spent his entire life being prepared to do what his father never accomplished.

However, that dream comes to an end when Deke, Jr. has a motorcycle accident and is hit by a truck that is being driven by Richie Halbertson (Bart Conner), a gymnast who attends a rival high school.  As a result of the accident, Deke, Jr. loses both his legs.  Now, he spends his time at a rehab clinic, consumed by his own bitterness.

Jonathan and Mark are the clinic’s newest physical therapists.  While Jonathan tries to get Deke, Jr. to accept his condition and forgive Richie, Mark tries to talk to Deke, Sr.  With the help of a quadriplegic law student named Scotty (James Troesh), Deke, Jr. starts to realize that it’s better to focus on what he has instead of obsessing on what he’s lost.  Deke, Jr. starts to recover from his bitterness and soon, he’s even being nice to the classmate (Samatha Paris) who has a crush on him.  But when Jonathan suggests that Deke, Jr. could still compete as gymnast, will Deke, Jr. be able to accept being trained by Richie Halbertson?  And will Deke’s parents be able to set aside their own anger to support their son?

If you answered no to any of those questions, you’ve obviously never seen this show before.

This two-parter is pretty much the epitome of a typical Highway to Heaven episode.  It’s earnest, heartfelt, well-intentioned, and there’s isn’t a moment of cynicism to be found.  It’s the type of episode where Jonathan tells two snotty teenage boys that they shouldn’t park in a handicapped spot and, when the boys ignore him and go into a nearby bookstore, God turns their car upside down.  (Plus, they get a ticket!)  Even the episode’s title, which refers to the old-saying about making lemonade whenever life gives you lemons, pretty sums up Highway to Heaven‘s unapologetically positive outlook.   At the same time, it’s also an episode that, because it is so earnest, won’t take anyone by surprise.  If you can’t guess how this episode is going to end, I can only assume that you’ve never watched television or a movie before.

Predictable as it may be, it’s still an effective episode, largely because it is so unashamed of being sentimental and heartfelt.  You do have to wonder just how exactly Deke, Jr. managed to become a competition-worthy gymnast in what appears to have just been a matter of weeks but still, this is a case where the good intentions make up for the rough spots.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark help an industrialist who thinks that he is King Arthur.  Who does the grail serve?

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.6 “One Of Our Jars Is Missing”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer is trapped in a jar!

Episode 1.6 “One Of Our Jars Is Missing”

(Dir by Charles S. Dubin, originally aired on November 25th, 1983)

Last week, I announced that George Eliot (played by Fiona Apple’s father, Brandon Maggart), was the worst character on Jennifer Slept Here and perhaps one of the worst  characters of all time.  This week, however, George is actually pretty tolerable.  Instead, it’s his son Joey who is terrible.

Since this series started, Joey has been having to adjust to having to live with the ghost of Jennifer Farrell and, for the most part, he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it.  Jennifer has helped out Joey with his problems and Joey has helped out Jennifer on numerous occasions.  They’ve been established as being friends.

However, this episode finds Joey and Jennifer uncharacteristically annoyed with each other.  Jennifer thinks that Joey makes too much noise in his room.  Joey thinks that Jennifer makes too much noise in the attic.  Joey spends a lot of time yelling at Jennifer, which makes him look crazy to everyone else.  After hearing his son yelling into thin air one too many times, George decides that Joey is truly convinced that there is a ghost in the house.

George’s solution?

Hire an exorcist!

Now, it should be noted that George doesn’t think that the house is haunted.  Instead, he thinks that Joey is delusional but George is convinced that an exorcism will cure Joey of those delusions.  It’s not a bad plan.  When Madame Wanda (played by Zelda Rubinstein, in a performance that is clearly meant to spoof her role in the original Poltergeist) shows up and performs her ritual, it’s obvious that she’s a fake.  And yet somehow, she is still able to trap Jennifer in a mason jar.

Joey takes the jar to his room.  Now, it should be understood that everyone else thinks that Joey is carrying an empty jar but Joey can see Jennifer trapped in the jar.  Instead of unsealing the jar and allowing Jennifer her freedom, he decides to leave her in the jar.  He puts the jar on his dresser and then pretends that he’s going to throw a baseball at it….

I mean, seriously …. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THIS!?

It is true that Jennifer can be a bit self-absorbed and definitely more than a little eccentric but, for the most part, she’s been pretty respectful to Joey.  She helped Joey throw a fake séance.  She helped Joey get over his ex-girlfriend.  She’s been very supportive of the son of a man who repeatedly refers to her as having been a “tramp.”  And now, Joey’s just going to keep her trapped in a jar?  What type of sociopath is Joey?

Earlier in the episode, Joey wrote a rude letter to one of his teachers.  He wasn’t planning on mailing it but, when his mother (Georgia Engel) comes across the letter, she takes it to the post office.  Suddenly, Joey needs the help of someone who can walk through walls so he opens the jar and allows Jennifer to escape.  (So, yes, Joey let Jennifer out of the jar but only because he needed her to do something sneaky for him.)  However, Jennifer can no longer walk through walls!  Something must have happened with the exorcism.

Joey and Jennifer head over to Madame Wanda’s place, hoping that Wanda can reverse the spell.  Of course, Wanda is a fake and didn’t realize she was actually performing a real exorcism to begin with.  Wanda has no idea how to reverse anything.

Now, fear not, everything returns to normal by the end of the episode.  Jennifer is once again a ghost who can walk through walls and Joey is once again yelling at thin air.  As the episode ends, George listens to his son yell and then mutters that he just blew a lot of money on a worthless exorcism.  I’m a bit surprised that George is willing to give up that easily.  I mean, if someone in your house is apparently arguing with someone that only he can see, that’s cause for concern.  Has George never seen an Amityville film?  Can he not see the path on which Joey is walking?

This episode felt a bit mean-spirited, which is a shame because it had the potential to be fun.  But Joey acting like such a jerk ruined whatever humor could have been mined from Wanda and her attempts to exorcise the house.  This whole episode felt just a bit mean-spirited.

Next week, according to the IMDb, Jennifer learns that she can take over people’s bodies so Joey better watch out!