Still Life”

Posted on August 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a man tells a terrible lie, Greer Garson can see the future, and Isaac is losing his hearing! Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

(Dir by Richard A. Wells, originally aired on December 4th, 1992)

This episode of The Love Boat features one of the worst stories ever. Ken Miller (Lawrence Pressman) wants to date Sarah Curtis (Kim Darby). However, Sarah is on the cruise as a member of the Single Parents Group and, when Sarah first sees Ken, she assumes that Ken is a single father because he’s standing with Libby McDonald (played by the one-named Louanne), who is the daughter of Ken’s friend, Tom (Jim Stafford). So, Ken just decides to lie about being a father.

Eventually, Sarah finds out. When she notices that Libby is spending all of her time with Tom, the gig is up. Sarah, however, FORGIVES Ken and accepts his marriage proposal! (“Looks like I won’t be a member of Single Parents anymore….”) Lady, he lied to you about having a daughter! He recruited a little girl to pretend to be his daughter! THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A MARRIAGE!

The other two stories were better. One featured Greer Garson (in her final screen performance before retiring) as a woman who was a self-described “good guesser.” She met a struggling businessman (Howard Duff) who wanted to use her power to play the stock market but eventually, he fell in love with her for her and not her powers. Howard Duff’s character was not particularly likable but Greer Garson seemed to be having fun.

The other story featured Isaac struggling with a double ear infection and fearing that he would permanently lose his hearing. He didn’t, which is good considering that he’s the ship’s head bartender and he’s the guy who everyone comes to with their problems. (It always amuses me how a passenger will just automatically start talking to Isaac as if they’re best friends when they’ve only been on the boat for a couple of hours.) What made this story work, though, was the performance of Ted Lange. He was so believably scared of losing his hearing that you just wanted someone to hug him and reassure him that it would all be okay. When his hearing finally came back, I breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously, playing Isaac was probably not the most challenging roll of Ted Lange’s career. I mean, the man has played Othello! Still, Lange gave a really good and honest performance in this episode. He didn’t use the fact that he was acting on The Love Boat as an excuse to just coast.

This cruise …. it was kind of forgettable. Still, at least Ted Lange got a chance to shine!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a woman struggles to forgive the son of a man who killed her husband. Two women and a reverend try to balance attraction with the questions of faith. And Gopher gets stuck in a suit of armor….

LOVE! Exciting and new!

Episode 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on November 27th, 1982)

Gopher’s latest girlfriend, Gail (Taylor Miller), is on this week’s cruise. She’s a history teacher and Gopher decides that the best way to impress her would be …. okay, I can’t believe I’m about to type this …. buy a suit of armor and surprise her by wearing it on the boat. With Isaac’s help, he puts on the armor but — oh no! — he gets stuck in the armor. He has wear his purser’s uniform over the armor. The captain notes that Gopher has gained some weight and puts him on an exercise program….

There have been a lot of silly plotlines on The Love Boat but none as silly as this. The problem is that it never makes sense that Gopher would have a suit of armor in the first place. There a lot of presents that you can give someone who loves to study and talk about history. I know this because I’m a history nerd myself. A suit of armor, though, requires a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief, It goes from being silly to being just stupid.

It also doesn’t fit in with the episode’s other big storyline, in which Webb Jones Jr. (Laurence Lau) fell in love with Vanessa Heinsely (Denise Miller). The only problem is that Webb’s father was the drunk driver who killed Vanessa’s father. Vanessa’s mother (played by Ruth Warrick) struggles to forgive Webb for the sins of his his father. Luckily, Captain Stubing — a recovering alcoholic himself — is there to help. This was a serious story about a serious subject and all of the actors handled it well. But it seemed out-of-place when mixed with scenes of Gopher trying to hide the fact that he was wearing a suit of armor.

Finally, Janine Turner and Sharon Gabet played two women who had a crush on a reverend (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs.) Robert Pine was charming but it was hard not to feel as if Julie needed the reverend more than the two women. At the very least, he could have gotten her off the cocaine and maybe he could have even convinced her to do something about her hair.

(Seriously, Julie’s hair has looked terrible this season!)

The good news is that Gopher eventually got out of that suit of honor and Vanessa and Webb managed to find love. Even an uneven episode of The Love Boat usually has a happy ending and really, that’s all I want.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/20/25 — 7/26/25

Posted on July 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1st & Ten (Tubi)

I reviewed 1st & Ten here!

American Manhunt: O.J. Simpson (Netflix)

Another year, another OJ documentary. I binged this 2025 docuseries on Monday. On the one hand, the story has been told and re-told so many times that it’s debatable whether any documentary will ever have anything new to add. (And now that O.J. Simpson is dead, no one’s pretending that he was framed or that he was ever looking for the “real killers” anymore.) On the other hand, the story itself such an important moment in American cultural history that there’s nothing wrong with examining it for a second or tenth time. I appreciated that the docuseries took the time to talk about who Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman were as people before they were murdered by OJ. (And make no mistake, that’s exactly what happened.)

The American Short Story (YouTube)

I reviewed this week’s episode here!

Big Brother 27 (24/7, CBS, Paramount Plus, Pluto TV)

I wrote about Big Brother here!

Black Sabbath: Up Close and Personal (Night Flight Plus)

On Saturday morning, Jeff and I joined our friend Pat in watching this 2007 documentary about Black Sabbath. Some of the members were interviewed for the documentary. Ozzy Osbourne was not (instead the documentary used archival interviews to get his thoughts) but, for the most part, everyone was very complimentary to him. Personally, I liked the steady and straight-forward beat of the band’s music.

CHiPs (Prime)

I reviewed CHiPs here!

Degrassi High (Tubi)

I reviewed Degrassi High here!

Diff’Rent Strokes (Tubi)

I watched two episodes on Thursday. In one, Kimberly Drummond (Dana Plato) went to a ski lodge with her friends and was considering losing her virginity when suddenly — surprise! — her father (Conrad Bain) decided to join her. The second episode featured Willis (Todd Bridges) starting high school and being told that he had smoke weed to be cool. Willis actually did get high in this episode and it’s amazing just how stoned he managed to get in just a few seconds. Anyway, Mr. Drummond told Willis to stay off the grass. This episode was disturbing because one of the high school stoners was wearing jeans so tight that …. well, let’s just say that it showed off more of him than was perhaps typical for network television.

Fantasy Island (DVR)

I reviewed Fantasy Island here! Laurence is really letting me down as Mr. Roarke’s new servant.

Fred and Rosemary West: A British Horror Story (Netflix)

I watched this three-episode true crime docuseries on Sunday and Monday. Fred and Rosemary West were a seemingly ordinary couple who actually murdered an untold number of young women and buried them out back under their patio. Watching the docuseries, I was reminded a bit of the Paul Bernardo/Karla Homalka case, except in this case Fred tried to keep the police from discovering Rosemary’s role in the murders. Fred ended up committing suicide. Rosemary is still in prison. It was a disturbing case. Watching the docuseries, my heart broke for all of their victims.

Freddy’s Nightmares (Plex)

I reviewed Freddy’s Nightmares here!

From Rock Star To Killer (Netflix)

I watched this French docuseries, about the murder of actress of Marie Trintignant on Tuesday. It was a sobering film, one that explored how many people refusing to believe that Marie’s famous boyfriend could also be a viscous abuser. I minored in French in college so I watched the first episode without subtitles and I discovered that my French has gotten really rusty. The remaining episodes, I watched the dubbed versions and I have to say that the dubbing was so poorly executed that I have to wonder if it was done by AI.

Gone Girls: The Long Island Serial Killer (Netflix)

On Tuesday, I watched this 2025 docuseries, which dealt with the infamous (and still largely unsolved) Long Island serial killer case. To be honest, I’ve seen so many documentaries and dramatizations of this story that I kind of doubt there’s really anything new to learn about it. That said, I appreciated that the series devoted so much time to profiling the victims and showing us who they were before they became a part of a cold case. The victims of these crimes are so often overlooked or outright dismissed.

Good Morning, Miss Bliss (Prime)

My review of the second episode of Indiana Saved By The Bell will drop in about 90 minutes.

Gordon Ramsay’s Secret Service (Hulu)

On Saturday, I watched a two-part episode in which Gordon helped out three sisters who had taken over their late father’s restaurant. On the one hand, I’m the youngest of four sisters so I could relate to the family dynamics that I saw in this episode. On the other hand — yech! Mice and roaches in the food! I’m never eating out again.

Her Last Broadcast: The Abduction of Jodi Huisentruit (Hulu)

This true crime docuseries explored the disappearance of Iowa news anchor Jodi Huisentruit. Along with giving us the details of her life and disappearance, the series also presented us with four potential suspects. I’ve read some criticism online that the four suspects were all cleared of involvement by the police investigation or, in at least one case, was actually just a person of interest rather than a suspect. It’s a tragic story, nonetheless.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

This week’s episode …. agck! I reviewed it here.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)

I reviewed Homicide here!

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX & Hulu)

The Lawyer returned! After being a little bit disappointed in the first two episodes of the new season, my faith was renewed by the third episode. Not only did the Lawyer return but we also got Dennis and Mac pretending to be EMTs, Dee screwing up yet another job, and Charlie turning into a demanding chef. That’s the Sunny that I love!

The second episode that I watched this week, in which the Gang dealt with the consequences of dumping baby oil in a local waterway, I also enjoyed. I always like it when Dennis tries to do his whole slick, corporate spokesman routine.

I’m still getting used to the Rob Mac name change.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

This week was a Thanksgiving cruise! I can’t wait for the holidays! I reviewed the episode here!

Malibu CA (YouTube)

Oh, how I hate this show. Anyway, I wrote about the latest episode here.

Miami Vice (Prime)

This week’s episode was all about trying to retrieve stolen bull semen. I swear, the stuff I watch for this site! I reviewed it here.

New York Post Presents: Luigi Mangione: Martyr or Monster (Tubi)

I watched this documentary on Saturday because I was bored. It presented the facts of the case without digging too deeply. I remember that when Brian Thompson was shot, a lot of my friends were (and, in many cases still are) sympathetic to Luigi Mangione and they were always a little surprised that I wasn’t, especially after everything I went though when the insurance company evicted my Dad from his rebab facility. Myself, I don’t believe in killing and I’m not going to praise a cold-blooded murder just because the shooter wrote some dumbass manifesto. As for Luigi, if it wasn’t for his smile, most people wouldn’t care about him.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, Jeff and I joined our friend Pat in watching an episode of this pop culture digest from the late 80s. The episode opened with a look at “Satan Rock,” (Hi, Ozzy, hi, Iron Maiden) and then it went on to feature the hottest music videos of 1988. As a history nerd and a student pop culture, I always enjoy watching artifacts like this.

Pacific Blue (Tubi)

Bleh. Bicycles. The bike cops were especially obnoxious this week. I reviewed Pacific Blue here!

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

Depressing episode, this week. I reviewed St. Elsewhere here!

TMZ Investigates: What Happened to Justin Bieber (Tubi)

I was bored this afternoon so I watched this TMZ special. Justin appears to be going through some problems. The TMZ team considered that it could be drug-related. Personally, I think fame does strange things to people, especially with today’s bizarrely obsessive celeb-driven culture. Of course, having the TMZ folks following him around probably isn’t helping Justin’s mood.

TMZ Investigates: What Happened To Liam Payne (Tubi)

I watched this on Saturday. TMZ investigates the tragic death of Liam Payne and it’s exactly what you would expect from TMZ. There’s a lot of speculation, a lot of faux concern, and ultimately the whole thing leaves the viewer feeling a bit icky.

Trainwreck: The Astroworld Tragedy (Netflix)

I generally enjoy Netflix’s Trainwreck series. I watched this entry on Friday. It dealt with the death of nine people during a Travis Scott performance at Astroworld in 2021. This documentary didn’t dig too deeply into how it happened, beyond suggesting that the majority of the blame should be assigned to the show’s promoters. The desperate chant of “Stop the Show!” was haunting.

Trainwreck: The Cult of American Apparel (Netflix)

On Friday, I watched this documentary about the rise and fall of American Apparel. It was weird essentially seeing my high school years turned into a “back in the day” documentary. I guess this is what it feels like to realize you’re not getting younger.

Trainwreck: The Mayor of Mayhem (Netflix)

Rob Ford, a brash populist, is elected mayor of Toronto and makes a name for himself as a bigger-than-life reformer. Then, he gets caught on camera smoking crack and everything falls apart. This was my favorite of the Trainwreck documentaries that I watched, largely because Rob Ford was such a fascinating character. I’ve read some comments online from some people who think that this documentary went a little bit too easy on Ford. Maybe it did. I’m not Canadian so I don’t know. I just know it was an interesting story.

Trainwreck: P.I. Moms (Netflix)

The latest Trainwreck as is also perhaps the most pointless. A reality show falls apart before the first episode even premieres. The P.I. Moms, who would have been featured on the show, all argued that they deserved to be taken seriously and that they weren’t just acting for the camera but, at the same time, none of them came across as being particularly sincere so it was hard to have much sympathy for them. It was a documentary about a bad reality show that felt like a bad reality show.

True Crime Arizona: Finding Robert Fisher (Tubi)

In 2001, it’s believed that Robert Fisher, a Navy veteran and former firefighter, murdered his wife and his two children, set his house on fire, and then disappeared into the Arizona wilderness. Fisher has been a fugitive for 24 years and, while some speculate that he either committed suicide or died in the wilderness, people all over the country still regularly report spotting him. This special took a look at Fisher’s crime and offered a few theories of how he managed to disappear. The Fisher case has haunted me ever since I first learned about it and this special reminded me of why. Fisher seemed like the type of guy you would want for a neighbor because he was good with tools and he had a clean-cut look. Instead, he turned out to be a killer/ Personally, I think Fisher still out there. Much like John List (the real-life inspiration for Jerry Blake in The Stepfather films), he’s probably got a new family and a new identity. I have faith he’ll be captured eventually.

True Crime Arizona: The Missing (Tubi)

This episode looked at the cases of several indigenous women who had disappeared in Arizona and took a look at why their disappearances rarely seem to get the media attention that other true crime stories too. This was well-produced and thought-provoking.

True Crime Arizona: Notorious Killers (YouTube)

I was so impressed by the True Crime Arizona episodes that I saw on Tubi that I then looked for more on YouTube. This 23-minute episode took a look at some of Arizona’s most notorious killers. I think I missed my calling. I’d love to host True Crime Texas.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard….

It’s a holiday….

THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE BOAT

Episode 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 20th, 1982)

It’s Thanksgiving and the Love Boat crew is not getting along!

It all starts when Gopher makes a joke about Doc being a womanizer. Doc, who has spent five seasons bragging about being a womanizer, gets offended and stops talking to Gopher. Isaac tries to give Gopher some advice but Gopher offends him by saying that he’s sick of hearing stories about the wisdom of Isaac’s grandfather. (I have never heard Isaac mention his grandfather in the past.) Julie gets mad when Doc says that he didn’t care much for some of her past hairstyles. (Julie’s hair does look terrible this episode.) Everyone is fighting …. except for Captain Stubing and Vicki. They do have an argument but Stubing refuses to take it personally and Vicki says she could never stay angry with her father. Awwwww!

(I think it’s seriously irresponsible to raise someone on a cruise ship but I still tear up at the Stubing/Vicki scenes. Can you tell I’m missing my Dad?)

I have to admit that it kind of upset me to see the Love Boat crew fighting. The passengers come and go but the crew has remained the same for six seasons and their likable chemistry has always been one of the show’s greatest strengths. Julie getting mad at Doc? No, it can’t happen! We all know Julia and Doc are secretly in love! I was really concerned that the crew was going to have a bad Thanksgiving but luckily, everyone forgave everyone else in time for Thanksgiving.

I was so worried about the crew that I barely paid attention to the other two stories. Lorne Greene and Dorothy McGuire played parents who were initially alarmed when their daughter (Wendy Schaal) announced that she was going to marry a paraplegic (Jim Knaub). Luckily, they saw the error of their ways. Meanwhile, Michael Lembeck boarded the boat with a court order that stated that he had been given legal custody of B.J. Lewis (Christian Jacobs), who was traveling with his stepfather, Roger (Richard Hatch). In the end, everyone agreed that Roger was the better father and B.J.’s biological father gave up custody which …. I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like something that would happen in real life. I mean, if you go through the trouble of hiring expensive lawyers and then storm a cruise ship, I don’t think you’re just going to shrug and give up.

“Now I have two Dads!” BJ announces.

Kid, one of your Dads just rejected you.

Oh well! It’s Thanksgiving! And I’m giving thanks that the Love Boat crew all learned an important lesson about friendship. That’s what life is all about.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

Posted on July 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episodes 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 13th, 1982)

The Love Boat is going to Greece and Turkey!

Well, actually, it’s the Love Boat crew that is going to Greece and Turkey. They’ve been asked to temporarily take over another ship and, of course, Captain Stubing said yes. This is one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes where the action was actually shot on location and on a real cruise ship. As such, it’s more of a travelogue that anything. We get to see the sights of both Greece and Turkey and no one makes any jokes about Midnight Express.

The majority of the storylines revolve around the Spoonmaker Diamond, a very valuable diamond that has been stolen by someone on the ship. Was the diamond stolen by Emmett and Ellen Stokes (Harvey Korman and Nancy Dussault)? Was the diamond stolen by Mark Hayward (Mike Connors)? That’s what Inspector Sadu (Jamie Farr) is trying to figure out! Of course, regardless of who stole it, it ultimately ends up in the unknowing possession of travel agent Dana Pierce (Polly Bergen). Will Mark steal the diamond or will he fall in love with Dana? Why can’t he do both? This was an odd story because you had the goofiness of Harvey Korman and Jamie Farr and then you had the grouchy intensity of Mike Connors. Connors seemed to be under the impression that he was appearing on a hard-boiled crime show as opposed to an enjoyably silly comedy about a cruise ship.

Meanwhile, Sabrina Drake (Jan Smithers) is a young heiress who is traveling with her mother, Amanda (Alexis Smith). Amanda is not happy when she sees that tabloid reporter Joe Novak (Kiel Martin) is also on the cruise. She’ll probably be even less happy when she discovers that Amanda is 1) secretly seeing Joe and 2) is pregnant. When Doc finds out that Sabrina is pregnant, he offers to marry her. Why not? He’s known her for two days and he’s in love. Fortunately, Joe talks to Amanda and wins Amanda’s blessing for his relationship with Sabrina. Doc remains single.

Speaking of marriage, Greek tycoon Gregori Pananopolis (Lorenzo Lamas) asks Julie to marry him. Julie is stunned and says she needs some time to think it over. She tells Captain Stubing that she’s not sure if she’s ready to get married. Uhmm …. Julie, this like the third or fourth guy who had asked you to marry him on this show. You’ve nearly gotten married twice. It’s odd how the show always acts as if marriage proposals aren’t a recurring theme when it comes to Julie. Fortunately, Julie stays single because we all know she’s destined to eventually marry Doc. Or Gopher, maybe.

Fashion photographer Cliff Jacobs (David Hedison) runs into his ex-wife, model Monica Brandon (Linda Evans). He lies about having landed a job with a magazine in order to get her to pose for him. He also takes some pictures of Vicki posing amongst the ruins of Greece. Later, a magazine contacts him and offers to make Vicki into a star but he and Monica decide not to tell Vicki because they don’t want her to have to deal with pressure of being a model. Hey Cliff and Monica, that’s really not your decision to make. I’m sure being a model would be no less detrimental to Vicki than spending her entire youth on a cruise ship with people who are several decades older than her.

As I said at the start of the review, this episode worked best as a travelogue. None of the stories were particularly intriguing but the scenery was lovely. Even Turkey looked like a nice place to visit!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Doc starts to feel his age.

Episode 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 6th, 1982)

When it comes to The Love Boat, there’s one question that always has to be asked.

In this episode, Julie appears to be moderately coked up. She’s definitely not as coked up as she was in some of the earlier episodes of this season but there’s still that glint in her eye and the rapidness of his speech that leaves little doubt that there was probably some sniffing going on in the cruise director’s office. On the How Coked Up With Julie Scale, I would give this one a solid 7 out of 10.

Of course, Julie had some competition on this cruise. A pre-born again Willie Aames was on the cruise, playing Doc’s nephew Danny, and sporting the puffy eyes of someone who had been up all night on a date with the Devil’s Dandruff. Danny and Doc both develop a crush on the same woman and Linda (Michelle Phillips) decides that she would prefer to spend her romantic time with a teenage Danny than with Doc, who has a medical degree and probably a lot more money than Danny. This leads to Doc have yet another midlife crisis. Danny, meanwhile, falls hard for Linda but, at the end of the cruise, Linda explains that she’s not looking to get tied down with a relationship. She just wanted to bang someone who was ten years younger than her. Okay, that’s not quite what she said but that was the general idea. Doc learned that it was okay to be middle-aged and Danny was too high to learn much of anything.

Soap opera writer Paula Hastings (Susan Lucci!) boarded the cruise and was shocked to discover that one of the passengers was Barry Weldon (Tristan Rogers!), an actor who she turned down for a role on her soap. Barry romanced Paula and convinced her that he was falling in love with her and then announced it was all just an act to prove that he deserved the role on her show. Damn, Barry, that’s not nice at all! But then it turned out that Barry actually had fallen in love with her so they decided to get married. “Congratulations!” Julie said, her eyes shining with a manic edge.

Finally, a therapist (Richard Deacon) boarded the ship, just to discover that his patients (Jerry Van Dyke, Elaine Joyce, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie) had all decided to take the cruise with him. Why, that’s enough stress to make the idea of a little flakey relief seem appealing! That said, the therapist and his patients were played by some old school sitcom mainstays and none of them seemed to be coked up. They were definitely a whiskey and cigarettes crowd.

This was a pleasant cruise. Bernie Kopell is always likable as Doc Bricker and I always enjoy his midlife crisis episodes. The therapist storyline was pretty hokey but, on the other hand, Susan Lucci and Tristan Rogers! That’s daytime drama royalty, babe! I enjoyed this episode.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

Posted on July 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is brought to you by Bolivian Nose Candy.

Episode 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on October 30, 1982)

Gopher dates a 14 year-old!

WHAT!?

Of course, Gopher doesn’t realize that she’s fourteen. I’m not really sure how Gopher doesn’t realize that because the girl is played by Kim Richards, who was 18 at the time but looked considerably younger. It should also be noted that the girl is also pretending to be her own fictional older sister and she claims to be 18 but …. eh. I have a hard time buying that Kim Richards could have convinced Gopher that she was two different people, just because that underbite was pretty hard to disguise. Even if we give Gopher the benefit of the doubt, he’s still a guy in mid-thirties, dating a teenager while he’s supposed to be working. I like Gopher but the Captain might have to find a new purser after this. How to explain Gopher’s self-destructive behavior? My theory is that he found Julia’s coke stash.

Fear not, though. It all works out. The truth comes out. Kim Richards’s father (played by Dana Andrews) announces that he’s going to spank his daughter. She’s fourteen, you’re not going to spank anyone, you old weirdo.

Meanwhile, a dude (Skip Stephenson) who looks like he’s been up a few nights on a cocaine binge falls in love with Morgan Brittany but …. uh oh! He’s married! Fortunately, his wife wants to divorce him, probably because of all the cocaine. To me, the funniest thing about this story is that, as soon as he gets on the cruise, he starts spilling his guts to Isaac as if they’re old friends. Dude, you don’t know Isaac. It’s a big ship and Isaac’s the only bartender. Isaac doesn’t have time to just stand there and listen to you whine. But that’s the thing with cocaine. It makes you a tad bit self-absorbed. Trust me, I’ve seen Scarface. I know about the yayo.

And finally, Dan Rowan plays a comedian who has been hired to perform on the ship. His ex-wife (Marion Ross) and daughter (Eve Plumb) just happen to be on the boat as well. Eve Plumb wants nothing to do with Dan Rowan, believing that he abandoned his family. Dan Rowan uses his act to explain what really happened and to beg his daughter to forgive him. I have to say that, if I was a passenger, I would be kind of ticked off. You show up at the Acapulco Lounge, hoping to have a good laugh and suddenly the headliner is crying and delivering this really depressing monologue. Thanks for ruining my cruise, jerk! Seriously, how coked up do you have to be to sabotage your career like that?

This was not my favorite cruise but at least Julia’s hair looked better here than it did last week. To be honest, the entire boat seemed to be coked up this week. Hopefully, they’ll all go to rehab and next week will be a bit more pleasant.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.4 “The Same Wavelength/Winning Isn’t Everything/A Honeymoon for Horace”

Posted on June 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.4 “The Same Wavelength/Winning Isn’t Everything/A Honeymoon for Horace”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 23rd, 1982)

Yeesh! This episode! Because I’m on vacation, I’m going to lay out the facts quickly and simply.

Julie’s hair still looks awful. Seriously, she looks like she should be playing the demanding gymnastics coach in a Peter Engel-produced high school sitcom.
Horace (Jack Gilford) and Twinkie (Nancy Walker) board the boat. They’re in their 80s and they’re newlyweds! Awwwww! Horace is nervous about his honeymoon because it’s been forever since he’s kissed a woman so he asks Julie if he can practice on her. Julie, her eyes oddly glazed over, agrees.
Twinkie, who loves to party, tells Julie that she’s actually been married to Horace for 30 years and he just said that he was a newlywed to trick Julie into kissing him.
Later, when confronted by Doc and Julie, Horace and Twinkie confess that they’re not actually married. However, they are brother and sister. WHAT!?
Turns out that Twinkie “likes to party” and Horace “likes to kiss pretty girls” so they lied so that they could do both.
Horace, you’re going to jail! Oh wait, no, he’s not. The Love Boat crew has a good laugh over it and Julie, to be honest, seemed to be pretty coked up in this episode so perhaps she had a good reason for wanting to avoid dealing with the cops. Okay, Julie, do what you have to do, I guess.
Meanwhile, psychic Tess Macgill (Connie Stevens) falls in love with passenger Mike Gordon (Charles Seibert). Unfortunately, Mike is still in love with his wife, despite the fact that they’re now separated. It’s a good thing that there’s a psychic on board to let Mike know that his marriage is over.
Finally, Jack Bronson (David Doyle) boards the boat with his teenage son, Chip (Matthew Labyorteaux). Jack is an old friend of Captain Stubing’s and he’s convinced that winning is everything! As for Stubing, he’s just happy that Vicki will finally have someone her own age to spend some time with. I’m happy too. Seriously, Vicki hardly ever gets to talk to anyone under the age of 50.
Jack is convinced that Chip is a world-class athlete but that’s just because Chip has been lying to his father.
Vicki is great a table tennis. Jack pressures Chip to play her. Chip fakes a wrist injury to get out of it.
Eventually, Chip tells his father the truth and Jack realizes that he’s been pushing his son way too much. That’s not a bad lesson but David Doyle is miscast as a competition-obsessed father. He comes across as being too nice. Jack is a role for Bo Svenson.

This episode …. bleh. The psychic story was bland and the story with the elderly siblings was creepy. The Jack and Chip story was, at least, tolerable. Julie’s terrible new haircut continues to annoy me. This was not the best cruise in the history of The Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.3 “The Anniversary Gift/Honey Bee Mine/Bewigged, Bothered and Bewildered”

Posted on June 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time so set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance….

Episode 6.3 “The Anniversary Gift/Honey Bee Mine/Bewigged, Bothered and Bewildered”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on October 16th, 1982)

Oh my God, what did Julie do to her hair!? I mean, I understand that it was the 80s and everything but Julie’s short, spiky look in this episode is not a good decision. No wonder she’s so worried that she’s going to lose her boyfriend (Richard Bergman) to her old college friend, Honey Bee Harknest (Randi Oakes, taking a break from appearing on CHiPs to do The Love Boat). Honey Bee has always stolen Julie’s boyfriends so, for this cruise, Julie lies and says that she’s dating Gopher. Normally, Gopher would be happy about this but he’s already got a girlfriend to whom he’s trying to stay loyal.

(I’m going to guess that we’ll never see Julie’s boyfriend or Gopher’s girlfriend again after this episode.)

In other cruise news, Lynn Redgrave and Robert Mandan are taking a vacation to celebrate 20 years of wedded bliss. Mandan is looking forward to traveling. Redgrave wants to have another child. You’ve probably already guessed where this storyline is heading. Lynn Redgrave and Robert Mandan made for a surprisingly believable couple. Redgrave was, of course, an Oscar nominee while Mandan was the best of the celebrity skaters to appear on the Roller Disco episode of CHiPs.

(There’s our second CHiPs reference of the review! Woo hoo!)

Finally, Phyllis Diller plays an old classmate of Captain Stubing’s. When Diller compliments Stubing on still looking young, Stubing starts to worry about how she’ll react when he removes his captain’s cap and reveals that he’s bald. So, he starts wearing a toupee. Oh, Captain Stubing! To be honest, I do like episodes that allow Stubing to be emotionally vulnerable. Gavin MacLeod always did a good job of suggesting the insecurity that lay underneath the commanding presence and that’s certainly the case with this episode. That said, Stubing could take a lesson from Sgt. Getraer, who still manages to run things on CHiPs despite his thinning hair.

(Boom! Three references to CHiPs in one review of The Love Boat. That’s got to be a record.)

This was a pleasant cruise and it was directed by Isaac himself, Ted Lange! Lange keeps the action moving and, as a director, he obviously knew how to get good performances out of his castmates. Julia’s terrible hairstyle aside, this was a good trip on The Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.1 and 6.2 The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

Posted on June 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 6 begins!

Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)

The Love Boat crew goes to Italy!

The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy. It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy! Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode. It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of the Love Boat.

Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other. Awwww! Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes. Their cruise goes better here than it did in The Poseidon Adventure.

Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo. However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith. I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time. They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.

Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage. Yeah, that is kind of messed up. She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.

Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.

Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.

Goofy! That’s the word I’m looking for.

This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun. I mean, it’s The Love Boat. The Love Boat should be silly. Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun. To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher. His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh. In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat. Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat. He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him. What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping. I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.

Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here. I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode! At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists. Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”

I enjoyed this cruise. I want to go back to Italy.