What Lisa Marie Watched Tonight: The Love Boat 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls” (dir by Roger Duchovny)

Posted on October 31, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, after I finished up Halloween, I switched over to MeTV and I watched a Halloween episode of that very 70s series, The Love Boat!

Why Was I Watching It?

A special Halloween episode of the silliest television series ever!? And one featuring Vincent Price as an illusionist!? How couldn’t I watch?

What Was It About?

For the ship’s Halloween cruise, the Amazing Alozno (Vincent Price) has been hired to do his act. He’s quite the illusionist. Through a combination of hypnotism and magic, he transforms the ship into a magical wonderland where people turn into donkeys and the pool briefly appears to be a giant ice cream sundae. But will Alonzo also be able to conjure up love or will he continue to ignore his devoted fiancée and instead, only worry about keeping his fans happy?

Meanwhile, a model (Barbara Anderson) who is recovering from a serious car accident has absolutely no use for illusion. She just wants to stay in her cabin but her friend, who also happens to be the cruise director, demands that she enjoy the cruise.

What Worked?

Vincent Price as an illusionist!? Hell yeah! Okay, the illusions were kind of dumb and never really made sense and the show never actually explained how he could turn Gopher and Doc into donkeys but …. well, isn’t the silliness kind of the point? The important thing is that he was Vincent Price and he appeared to be having time of his life. Good for him!

Barbara Anderson actually gave a pretty good dramatic performance as the model. Admittedly, it did feel a little strange to have this extremely dramatic story playing out beside scenes of Vincent Price turning people into donkeys and transforming the ship’s pool into a giant ice cream sundae but again, I guess that was kind of the appeal of the show. It’s all weird and somehow, it works.

The boat, incidentally, looked really nice. I’m going to take a cruise now.

What Did Not Work?

On the Love Boat, everything works!

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I could relate to the model and before anyone rolls their eyes, allow me to explain. When I was 19, I was in a pretty serious car accident. The car that I was in flipped over and I basically ended up upside down in the driver’s seat, surrounded by broken glass. Later, I was told that, when people saw the damage the car, they assumed that I had to have died. Instead, I only got a few scrapes, bruises, and cuts. I ended up with two permanent scars — a small one on my hand and then another one on the side of my neck. And for years, I was so self-conscious of that scar on my neck, even though it faded quickly and I now realize it was barely noticeable. I obsessed on it, though, both because I disliked having it and also because it reminded me of a traumatic event. All the angst and worrying that I did about it seems kind of silly now.

Lessons Learned

Love won’t have to hurt anymore. It’s an open smile on a friendly shore.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 8/15/21 — 8/21/21

Posted on August 21, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Usually, I’m not a big news watcher. That’s not to say that I don’t know what’s going on in the world. It’s just that I make it a point not to spend hours sitting in front of CNN, MSNBC, or FOX because I’ve noticed that people that do that seem to go insane after a week or so. In fact, I’m the type of person who regularly makes it a point to go for a week without checking any of the big political accounts on twitter because I know that their nonstop partisanship can be bad for one’s mental health. I’m proud to say that, from Obama to Trump to Biden, I’ve always blocked the @POTUS.

That really wasn’t an option this week. The images coming out of Afghanistan were too horrifying and the President’s response to them were too baffling for me too look away. So, when it comes to television, I’ve spent a lot of this week watching the news. In fact, I’ve probably spent too much. I’m going back to my old habits starting on Monday.

Here’s the details on the non-news related television that I watched this week:

Bachelor In Paradise (Monday Night, ABC)

I watched the premiere episode of the new season but, at the same time, I was also watching Gleaming the Cube with the #MondayActionMovie live tweet group and I have to admit that skateboarding Christian Slater was a bit more entertaining than shallow singles on the beach. So, long story short, I didn’t really pay much attention to Bachelor In Paradise. David Spade appeared to be having fun as the temporary host and one of the bachelors spent almost the entire episode naked and I couldn’t help but notice that the censorship box over his crotch was a little bit on the small side.

That said, I do have to say that I usually enjoy Bachelor In Paradise. It’s kind of a nice antidote to all the forced earnestness of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. It’s honest about the fact that it’s just a trashy reality show.

Big Brother (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I’m still watching this show and writing about it at the Big Brother Blog!

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday, FOX)

Both teams did a good job this week and it’s good that they did since Melissa Joan Hart was one of the celebrity diners! You don’t want to mess up when you’re cooking for Sabrina. Still, despite their success, someone had to be eliminated and this week, it was Josie. Still Gordon Ramsay told Josie to keep cooking and to keep learning. It was a pretty nice episode, actually.

Lonesome Dove (Wednesday Night, DVD)

I’ve been watching Lonesome Dove with the the #WestWed live tweet group, hosted by Matthew Titus. This week, we watched the third episode, which was a real heartbreaker. Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones were forced to hang their oldest friend after he fell in with a bunch of outlaws. Then, after that tragedy, Danny Glover ended up getting impaled with a spear. The old west was brutal!

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

While Vicki struggled with her place on the boat and worked as her father’s secretary, various passengers fell in love. “She may have a South Beach body but she’s a North Pole personality,” Doc Bricker scornfully said about one passenger who didn’t appreciate his attempts at flirtation. That was a mean thing to say! Anyway, that’s all I really remember about the episode. I always enjoy watching this show because the cruise looks fun but it’s rare that I remember much about anything that happens.

Saved By The Bell (Monday, E!)

On Monday, E! did a Saved By The Bell marathon. They aired all of the senior-year episodes, except for the ones that featured Tori. I watched a few. Everyone totally rearranged their lives so Zack could graduate, even though Zack’s academic problems were totally his own fault. Awwwww!

As I said, I spent most of this week following the news and watching movies. Seriously, the DVR is so full of things I need to watch, I’m surprised it hasn’t stopped working. Hopefully, I’ll make my way through some of that next week!

Lisa’s Week in Television: 6/27/21 — 7/3/21

Posted on July 4, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Twonky

This week, my plan was to get caught up on all of the MCU shows and Mare of Easttown and all the rest. As you’ll soon discover from looking at the list below, that didn’t happen. But that’s okay. By the time next week, I will be caught up on everything, just in time for the Emmy nominations.

Here’s what little I watched this week!

allo-allo

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Rene’s got a new radio but he’s got no way to power it! He’s also got a huge amount of sausages, some of which are real and some of which hide a forged painting. To be honest, I struggled a bit to follow the plot of this week’s episode but all of those sausages being tossed around made me laugh.

bachelorette 2021

The Bachelorette (ABC, Monday Evening)

I’m just going to admit it. I don’t like Katie Thurston. I wanted to like Katie. I tried really hard to like Katie. I agree with Katie on so many things. But this week’s Rose Ceremony-dismissal of Thomas was just too …. bleh! Basically, Katie felt that Thomas was there for “the wrong reasons.” She was right, as far as any of that can really be determined. (Is anyone ever on a show like this for the right reason?) And she felt Thomas was creating drama and being a toxic influence and again, she’s right. But the way she sent him home was so self-righteous and overdramatic and specifically designed to be a big viral moment that it’s hard not to feel that Katie really wasn’t that much better than Thomas. Katie’s complaint was that Thomas was treating the show like a “Bachelor audition” but Katie came across like she was auditioning for Bachelor in Paradise.

To be honest, it’s been a while since I really liked any of the bachelors or bachelorettes on this show. I guess that’s why I never mind when things don’t work out for them after the final rose.

couples-court

Couples Court With The Culters (Channel 33, weekday morning)

I watched the case of Stoltz vs. Winning on Friday morning. From the start, it was pretty obvious (to me, if not the judges) that Mr. Stoltz was cheating but at least Ms. Winning got to wear a really pretty green dress on TV. After watching the show, I bought a new green dress for myself! Anyway, Mr. Stoltz and Ms. Winning were actually a really cute couple so I hope things worked out for them.

Dragnet

Dragnet (MeTV, Weekday Mornings)

Dragnet was one of the first cop shows. Premiering in the 50s and featuring Jack Webb as no-nonsense Sgt. Joe Friday, Dragnet’s episodes were based on actual cases that were investigated by the LAPD. The 1950s Dragnet, with its semi-documentary style, is considered to be a forerunner of shows like Law & Order.

Of course, I’ve never actually seen the 50s Dragnet. That’s because that version of Dragnet is rarely repeated, even on the retro stations. Instead, the version of Dragnet that currently shows up on MeTV is the second version of the show, which ran from 1967 to 1970 and which featured Jack Webb stiffly lecturing hippies on why the law had to be obeyed regardless of whether or not they agreed with it. While this version of the show wasn’t always as campy as it has since been made out to be, the show’s best-known episodes do tend to feature Friday sighing in disappointment while someone with long hair tells him that “smoking a little grass is no big deal, baby.”

I set the DVR to record Monday morning’s episode, largely to see if I might be interested in watching and reviewing Dragnet for this site. (I’ve seen a few episodes over the years but I’ve never sat down and watched the whole series from beginning to end.) The episode I recorded was from 1970 and it was one of the last episodes of the second version of the show. Friday was taking a night class, one in which the idea was for the students to just talk about their differing views of the world. When Friday noticed that one of his fellow students had a baggie of weed in his notebook, Friday arrested him. The scandalized class then voted to kick Friday out. Friday gave a speech about why the law had to be obeyed and he refused to apologize for arresting his classmate. In fact, he declared, he would do it again if he had to! Friday won over some members of the class but not enough to overturn the vote. However, another classmate revealed that he was an attorney and that he was prepared to sue the professor on Friday’s behalf. “Cops have constitutional rights, too!” the lawyer said. Friday nodded in agreement as the show ended. It was a bit of a silly episode, as any episode featuring Friday interacting with the counter culture tended to be. (Until he made his arrest, no one suspected Friday of being a cop despite the fact that everything about him literally screamed, “Cop!”) I especially liked the fact that the liberal professor had a Van Dyke beard and was made up to resemble a Satanic high priest. At the same time, this episode can today be viewed as an early example of cancel culture and, in the end, it did make a good point. Everyone has a right to an education. That said, it really didn’t look like the student had that much weed on him and I personally probably would have been uncomfortable being in a class with Sgt. Friday.

On Wednesday, I DVR’d the first ever episode of the 60s Dragnet. From 1967, “The LSD Story” was just what the title implied. Friday and his partner, Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan), investigated a bunch of swinging hippie drug parties and they met a teenage dealer called Blue Boy. Blue Boy’s wealthy parents refused to get upset over his druggie ways and, somewhat inevitably, Blue Boy ended up dead of an overdose. On the one hand, it was definitely heavy-handed and over-the-top and the show’s insistence that marijuana would automatically lead to LSD was undeniably cringey. But, at the same time, there was a sincerity at the heart of the episode. My first thought was to call it the epitome of a Boomer show but Dragnet was really a Silent Generation show. The boomers, after all, were the ones dancing in front of the lava lamp.

The first of Thursday’s episodes featured Friday and Gannon investigating a burglary of several pounds of explosives. It turned out that it was stolen by a blonde man who wore a brown shirt and had a big Nazi flag hanging in his apartment. The man argued that he wasn’t a Neo Nazi terrorist but seriously — this flag was right there! The second episode featured Friday and Gannon investigating a kidnapping and who would guess that an episode about a kidnapping would be so talky? Compared to the cop shows of today, Dragnet was very much obsessed with showing that everything iwas being doing exactly by the book and the kidnapping episode was more interested in examining how a fake ransom payment is set up than on the payment itself. It was a bit dry but also a change of pace from what I’m used to.

The first of Friday’s episodes featured Joe Friday and Gannon interrogating a cop who was suspected of holding up a liquor store. The cop turned out to be innocent but what was interesting about the episode was that the emphasis was put on Friday and Gannon being just as tough and suspiciously-minded with a colleague as they were with everyone else. There was none of that “one of their own” stuff that you tend to find in more recent cop shows. The second episode featured the hunt for a group of red-masked bandits. It was fairly dry but it got the point across, that everyone was a professional doing the best they could to keep Los Angeles safe.

My main thought on Dragnet so far — the first season feels a bit arid, though there were a few campy moments, especially in the LSD episode. Still, it’s interesting to see what Los Angeles looked like in the 60s and the show was definitely well-intentioned. Jack Webb may not have been a particularly expressive actor but he brought enough sincerity to the role to keep things moving.

Hell in the Heartland

Hell In The Heatland: Where are Ashley and Lauria? (HBOMax)

I watched this four episode, 2019 docudrama on Sunday. It was about the 1999 murders of Ashley Freeman and Lauria Bible, two Oklahoma teenagers. It was also about how meth is destroying certain parts of rural America. It was disturbing stuff and made all the more tragic by the fact that, though we now know what happened to Ashley and Lauria, we still don’t know the location of their remains. The Bibles and Freemans are still waiting for their chance to give Lauria and Ashley a proper burial.

Hell's Kitchen

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday Night, Fox)

The Red Team finally had to face an elimination. Morganna was sent home. I have to admit that I didn’t realize Morganna was on the show until she was kicked off, which probably explains a lot as to why she was eliminated.

paternity-court

Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court (Weekday Mornings, Channel 33)

I watched two episodes on Friday morning because I was too lazy to change the channel. My favorite thing about this show is how, at the start of each episode, Judge Lake snaps, “Good day, everyone!” at the courtroom and the courtroom replies with the most desultory “good day,” imaginable.

Love Boat

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

This week’s episode was the second part of the story that was started last week. The Love Boat crew was in Australia, for their cruise director, Julie’s, wedding. Meanwhile, the missing link was being held prisoner in a cage by Jose Ferrer. Yes, it was weird. Anyway, it turned out that the missing link was a fake who had been hired to swindle the gullible and Julie did not get married because the groom fled the church. Later, he sent Julie a letter that explain that he was …. wait for it …. DYING! Julie broke down into tears and the episode came to an end.

I mean, my God — who knew The Love Boat was so traumatic!?

moone_boy_title

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Everyone was totally caught up in football (or soccer or whatever you want to call it)! Even though the show was shot in 2013 and set in the 90s, it still felt incredibly relevant to today.

The Office

The Office (Sunday, Comedy Central)

Sunday morning, I watched as Michael Scott quit his job, started his own paper company, and then successfully sold it, largely due to David Wallace really not being a very good CEO. In retrospect, I think The Michael Scott Paper Company was probably the highpoint of The Office’s post-season 3 run. The scene of Michael calling Prince Family Paper just to discover that he had helped to drive them out of business is horrifying, funny, and depressing, all at the same time!

open-all-hours

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Granville is getting closer and closer to snapping. Arkwright has no idea.

1-upstart-crow

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Finally! Will finished Romeo and Juliet and Kate achieved her dream of appearing on stage, despite the fact that it was illegal for her to do so. It was a sweet ending to the 2nd series of Upstart Crow and it almost makes up for the lack of Yes, Prime Minister on PBS’s current schedule.

Twonky

Lisa’s Week In Television: 6/20/21 — 6/26/21

Posted on June 26, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was a sad week, as far as television goes. Due to the PBS pledge drive, I didn’t get to watch any of my usual British sitcoms. Plus, Baywatch came to an end so now I have to find a new old show to binge.

202ONE U.S. Olympic Trials (Friday Night, NBC)

I watched the gymnastics trials on Friday night. Simone Biles is amazing. That said, I’m cringing at “202ONE.” Rethink this, NBC.

That said, I’m definitely looking forward to the Olympics this year. I am an Olympics fanatic and I make no apologies for it. (I do, however, prefer the winter games just because of the curling and the skating.) Especially when compared to some people, I managed to stay pretty positive last year but I did get pretty upset when they had to cancel the games.

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

The Bachelorette was very emotional this week but, of course, The Bachelorette is emotional every week. Katie isn’t going to put up with any drama or fights this season but fights and drama are kind of the main reason for watching this show. Oh well. Thanks to all the brave internet sleuths out there, I already know how things are going to end. Personally, I think Katie made the right decision, assuming the spoilers I’ve seen are correct.

Bar Rescue (Monday Morning, Paramount)

John Taffer is helping bars survive the Corona Pandemic by yelling at their owners. I hope that strategy works. Watching the latest episode, it occurred to me that the show is currently in a strange place. The whole appeal of Bar Rescue has always been the chance to watch Taffer act like a dick. But it’s not as much fun to watch Taffer yell at people when those people are on the verge of losing their livelihood due to a pandemic. As a result, Taffer has been trying to balance being belligerent with being a nice guy. The end result, so far, has been kind of awkward.

Baywatch (Weekday Evening, H&I)

My Baywatch binge came to an end this week as H&I reached the end of the series and started over again from the start. Here’s my thoughts on how this oddly addictive show wrapped things up.

On Sunday, Mitch and the lifeguards went to Australia! Wait a minute, what? Yes, they actually did This is not a joke. It was a two-part episode called Baywatch: Down Under. After Jake, a lifeguard who had never previously appeared or been mentioned on the show, learned that he had a son in Australia, he went to meet him and Jake’s best friends — who, again, never before mentioned this Jake over the course of the previous 9 seasons of the show — accompanied him. The majority of the two episodes focused on Jake and a bunch of new Australian lifeguards. That’s because Baywatch: Down Under was actually a pilot for a Baywatch spin-off that didn’t happen. It was also kind of a wasted two parter, though the Australian scenery was lovely.

The first of Monday’s episodes featured Mitch and Cody rescuing a violinist who was being held prisoner on a boat. What’s odd is that the episode opened with Cody mentioning that he had broken up with his girlfriend Lani (who was played by Carmen Electra during the previous season). However, since Cody had already been seen flirting with and dating other women all through season 9, that would seem to suggest that either Cody and Lani were already broken up or Cody was just a no-good, dirty cheater. I’m going to guess that, for whatever reason, season 9’s episodes were shown out of production order. As if to prove my theory, the next episode featured Hobie living back at home with Mitch despite the fact that he had moved away to live with his mother earlier in the season. Did the Baywatch producers just not care about continuity? No wonder the show only lasted 11 seasons!

On Tuesday, the recently returned Neely Capshaw tried to 1) seduce Hobie, 2) get Mitch fired, and 3) drug Alex with sleeping pills. This would have all been fun if Gena Lee Nolin was still playing the role of Neely but, for Season 9, Baywatch replaced Nolin with another actress who just have didn’t the same skill when it came to making evil entertaining. Needless to say, Neely did not get away with it. The second episode featured George Hamilton playing himself and really, what more did you need? Well, how about Manny getting paralyzed as a result of a lifeguard accident? After it happened, Manny was bitter but, this being Baywatch, he eventually made peace with his new circumstances.

On Wednesday, season 9 ended not with a bang but with a whimper. The episode was split between Cody searching for a missing boat and Alex trying to figure out who was making elaborate sand castles on the beach. David Hasselhoff and Michael Newman, the two mainstays of the show, were barely featured. As Season 9 came to an end, so did H&I’s collection of Baywatch episodes. Seasons 10 and 11 were rebranded Baywatch Hawaii and, apparently, they were not included in the syndication package. So, the second of Wednesday’s episode was the first episode of season 1, which I really didn’t have much interest in rewatching.

So, I’m done with Baywatch for now. The two seasons of Baywatch: Hawaii are, of course, available on Prime but …. eh. Nine seasons in five months was enough for me, at least for now. Baywatch was an entertainingly dumb show and I’m sure I’ll occasionally catch an episode whenever I’m bored and I want to see some ocean scenery or maybe Cody in a speedo. For now, though, I’m ready to move on and binge another old show.

Court Cam (Wednesday, A&E)

Plenty of drama in the court this week! Court Cam is such a ludicrous show but it’s also rather addictive. Between the showy but shallow editing and Dan Abrams’s breathless narration, it’s hard not to crack a smile while watching.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Monday Night)

The current season of Hell’s Kitchen feels like some sort of demented boomer fantasy. Take the most emotionally fragile 20 year-olds you can find and force them to work for the most abrasive man on television. I’m just waiting for one of the chefs to mention needing a trigger warning.

Anyway, both the red and the blue teams screwed up this week so Chef Ramsay sent two chefs home and then reorganized the teams. I hope it helps because the diners at Hell’s Kitchen deserve the best food possible.

Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

As soon as Intervention started on Monday night, there was a loud boom of thunder outside, followed by lightning and then pouring rain. Looking around the house, I realized that I wasn’t sure where Doc was so, naturally, I assumed he was outside in the storm. Panicking, I ran out to the backyard and stood there, in my bathrobe, and yelled, “DOC! DOC!” There was no sign of Doc so I ran back inside, grabbed a flashlight, and ran back outside. Shining the light around the backyard, I continued to call for the cat even as I got more and more soaked.

Getting no response and fearing that my beloved cat had been swept away by the storm, I turned to reenter the house and that’s when I saw Doc, sitting inside on a kitchen counter, and watching me through the window with a somewhat bemused expression on his face. (Trust me, cats can be bemused!)

I stepped back inside and, once I finally dried off and changed clothes, Intervention was nearly over. However, the end title cards informed that me that both Nicholette and her father have been sober since 2018 so good for them.

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

The Love Boat crew goes to Australia! Julie is getting married! Captain Stubing is on the verge of having an affair with Katharine Helmond! Gopher and Doc are competing to impress the new cruise director! Isaac is making drinks while Vicki sacrifices her childhood to essentially do slave labor on a cruise ship! Meanwhile, special guest star Jose Ferrer has captured the missing link and has chained him in a cage that’s been kept in the cargo bay …. wait a minute, what!? Yes, it was a strange episode. Australia looked great, though!

Mom (Friday afternoon, Paramount TV)

I watched four episodes of this long-running commercial for the recovery industry on Friday. Actually, I don’t know if I really watched them as much as I just had them on for background noise. This is probably one of my least favorite shows ever, a 30-minute exercise in 12-step propaganda. Every episode I see of this show, I just find myself wondering if the title characters have ever met anyone whose life isn’t a depressing hellsack. That said, it’s obvious that some people like this show because it’s been on for what feels like 40 years

The Office (Comedy Central, Friday Evening)

I watched the final four episodes of season 4 (Did I Stutter, Job Fair, and the two-part Goodbye Toby) and Season 5’s Weight Loss premiere. Out of that set, Job Fair was probably the weakest, just because it had an entire subplot involving Jim and Andy golfing with a potential client. Jim begging the guy for his business was just cringey and Andy — who was always the most inconsistently written character on the show — was portrayed as being such a cartoonish idiot that it was difficult to watch. Much better was Goodbye Toby (in which Andy was a much more likable character) and Weight Loss (featuring that iconic proposal scene). Did I Stutter is one of the best and most underrated episodes of The Office, with the final conversation between Michael and Stanley being one of the show’s strongest moments.

Sons of Sam: A Descent Into Darkness (Wednesday and Thursday, Netflix)

I reviewed this Netflix docuseries here.

The Vow (HBO2, Saturday)

The Vow, which originally aired last year, was HBO’s lengthy docuseries about the NXIVM cult. This show started with great fanfare and acclaim, the majority of which tapered off as it became clear that The Vow was produced by a bunch of former cult members who were trying to make themselves look better and more innocent than they actually were. The Vow is famous for a scene in which former NXIVM dude Mark Vicente rages that anyone can get sucked into a cult. That may be true but, judging from The Vow, it helps to be intellectually shallow and emotionally needy. Since it doesn’t take much research to discover that Vicente was far higher-up in NXIVM than The Vow acknowledges and that he financially profited from the cult’s pyramid scheme-inspired structure, it’s hard not to feel that Vicente doesn’t really have the moral standing necessary to portray himself as being just another NXIVM victim.

Anyway, HBO2 aired the entire series on Saturday. I rewatched a few episodes and I have to say that I was kind of surprised to discover that Mark Vicente and Sarah Edmondson came across as even more unlikable and disingenuous that second time I watched than they did the first time. Supposedly, there’s a second season of The Vow on the way so I guess we’ll get even more chances to listen to Mark Vicente brag about co-directing What The Bleep Do We Know.

That’s it for this week! Next week, I’ll be selecting new shows to binge!

Lisa’s Week In Television: 3/28/21 — 4/3/21

Posted on April 4, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Twonky

Welcome to the first ever edition of Lisa’s Week In Television! Because of the holiday weekend, there’s a lot of streaming shows that I haven’t gotten a chance to watch yet. And I will also admit that I watched a lot of old TV shows over the previous few days. Then again, I always end up watching a lot of old shows, if just because I always enjoy seeing how people dressed and spoke in the past.

American Idol

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, ABC)

I was recently trying to remember when the last time was that I was emotionally invested in American Idol and I think it was way back in 2007. That would be the sixth season. I thought Blake Lewis was totally adorable and I was actually really upset when he lost to Jordin Sparks. That’s nothing against Jordin. At the time, I just had a weakness for beat boxers.

Ever since then, American Idol has mostly been background noise to me. It’s one of those things that I watch out of habit and it’s rare that I ever pay that much attention to it while it’s on. When the show started, it was always interesting to see how brutally frank Simon Cowell could be but, after Simon left, no one was willing to play the villain and the show’s gotten rather bland as a result.

Anyway, on Sunday and Monday’s episodes, the judges announced the top 24 singers. I have no idea who any of these people are. I just know that none of them will ever win my heart quite like Blake Lewis performing Time of the Season.

Baywatch

Baywatch (Weekday Evenings, H&I)

Yes, the show about lifeguards is now airing on H&I. Hopefully, Baywatch Nights will eventually follow. There’s always been a lot of debate about whether or not David Hasselhoff is self-aware in the style of William Shatner or if he actually took Baywatch seriously. Having watched a few episodes of the show, I still have no idea. On the one hand, Hasselhoff certainly seemed to be taking thing very seriously. On the other hand, how could anyone actually take a show like Baywatch seriously? I mean, you would have to have somewhat of a satricial spirit to just be involved with the show, wouldn’t you?

Speaking of taking Baywatch seriously, Tuesday’s episode featured Danny Trejo as the father of a gang member. Trejo wanted his son to stay in the gang and was upset when Billy Warlock tried to recruit him into a lifeguard program instead. However, when Trejo subsequently fell in the ocean just to be saved by his own son, everyone learned an important lesson.

City Confidential

City Confidential (Sunday Afternoon, CI)

This show, which originally aired on A&E 20 years ago, is actually two shows in one. The first half of every episode always deals with the history and culture of an American city. The 2nd half always deals with some crime that happened in that city and which, we’re told, changed that city forever. Each episode was narrated by actor Paul Winfield, who always sounded somewhat amused no matter how heinous a crime he was describing.

I watched two episodes, one about Milwaukee and one about Carlsbad, New Mexico. My family briefly lived in Carlsbad when I was growing up so I found that episode to be interesting. What can I say? I have a weakness for true crime shows hosted by sardonic narrators.

Distirct

The District (Weekday Mornings, H&I)

The District is a fairly predictable cop show that aired for four seasons at the start of the century. I had totally forgotten about it until I stumbled across it on H&I during a bout of insomnia. It’s about Jack Mannion (Craig T. Nelson), the hyperactive police commissioner for Washington D.C. Pretty much the only interesting thing about the show was Craig T. Nelson’s frequently bizarre lead performance. Nelson’s not exactly a low-key actor to begin with and The District cast him as a frequently married, show tune loving cop who enjoyed yelling at people. The show’s producers basically gave Nelson a license to overact and he took full advantage of it. With each episode, you think that Nelson can’t possibly go more over-the-top and, with each episode, he proves you wrong.

Tuesday’s episode featured him crashing a meeting of the Washington D.C, city council and, when he felt they weren’t paying attention to him, climbing up on a desk so that he could better yell at them. Later, when Mannion had to interrogate a young child who had witnessed a crime, he got her to answer his question by having a tea party with her. That’s Jack Mannion for ya!

Hell's Kitchen

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday night, FOX)

Even though I’m not really a huge fan of yelling at or insulting people, I’ve always liked Hell’s Kitchen. Some of it is because of those moments (which usually happens towards the end of the season) when Gordon Ramsey reveals that he’s not quite as fearsome as he pretends to be. (He actually does seem to get emotionally invested once there’s only 6 or 5 chefs left.) Plus, since I can’t cook, I guess I find it interesting to watch people who actually can. This latest season, which is drawing to a close, has been one of the better seasons. Myself, I’m totally cheering on Mary Lou! Go, Mary Lou! You got this!

King of the HIll

King of the Hill (Hulu)

This is still the best and most authentic TV show ever made about Texas. Watching it today, it’s also a nice alternative to the more mean-spirited programming of Seth MacFarlane. Let it never be forgotten the Fox cancelled King of the Hill to make room for The Cleveland Show, of all thing. Fortunately, King of the Hill can currently be watched at any time on Hulu.

Saturday morning, my sisters and I watched three episodes while we were preparing for the day — the episodes where Hank goes down Aisle 8A, where Hank goes to New Orleans, and where Dale thinks he’s rabid. We agreed that Boomhauer is one of the greatest characters of all time.

law & Order

Law & Order: Organized Crime (Thursday Night, NBC)

I reviewed the first episode of Law & Order: Organized Crime here.

Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)

I used to watch SVU religiously when I was in high school and college. However, as I got older, I kind of lost interest. That said, I did watch it this week because Elliott Stabler (played by Chris Meloni) was making his first appearance on the show since leaving 8 seasons ago. Thursday’s episode also served as a backdoor pilot, of sorts, for Law & Order: Organized Crime.

The episode was …. okay. The mob stuff was predictable but it was nice to see that Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay still had their old chemistry. That said, Stabler seemed to be even more tightly wound than he did during his time as a regular on SVU and that’s really saying something as Stabler always seemed like the cop mostly likely to beat a suspect to death during interrogation. (Of course, Stabler’s wife was injured by a car bomb and later died during the episode so Stabler had good reason for being wound up.)

A lot of people on twitter freaked out over the fact that no one on the show was wearing a mask. Calm down, people, it’s a TV show.

Love Boat

The Love Boat (Weekday Evenings, Decades TV)

Ah, The Love Boat. If there’s any show from the 70s and 80s that deserves a revival, it’s probably this one. Movie and television veterans play the passengers of a weekly cruise, falling in love and taking part in other hi-jinks. Every episode that I’ve ever seen of The Love Boat has been charmingly silly and, quite frankly, I think that’s what we need more of in the world. Add to that, the cruise ship industry took a hit with the pandemic. A Love Boat revival might help revive it.

Monday’s episode featured Zsa Zsa Gabor and a bunch of people who I didn’t recognize but who all appeared to be having a great time on the boat. Zsa Zsa was determined to win back her ex, even though he was planning on marrying someone else. The other stories dealt with a kleptomaniac who kept accidentally stealing stuff and a TV actor who feared that he would never be able to live up to his heroic image. In the end, for all the passengers and crew, love won.

Wednesday’s episode was a Christmas episode from 1980. Dorothy Lamour was one of the passengers. Father and son entertainers ran into each on the boat after having not spoken to each other for years. A stowaway pretended to be the child of a wannabe womanizer. In the end, for all the passengers and crew, love won.

My Evil Sister

My Evil Sister (Sunday Afternnon, CI)

I watched this on Crime and Investigation on Sunday morning. As the youngest of four sisters, it’s hard for me not to be intrigued by the fact that there’s so many evil sisters out there that they could actually produce an entire TV series about them. The episode I saw featured two stories, one about a sister who killed her lazy sister and then tried to frame local drug dealers and the other about a girl who shot her adopted sister because she felt her sister was keeping her from being popular in high school. Scary stuff! I’m glad my family likes me! (I say this as I nervously glance over my shoulder.)

The Office

The Office (Comedy Central)

I watched a few episodes of The Office on Thursday and Friday. I always feel like I’m taking a risk whenever I watch The Office on Comedy Central because there’s always a chance that they’ll be showing episodes from Seasons 8 or 9. Fortunately, on Thursday and Friday, they were showing episodes from Season 5. Jim and Pam hadn’t gotten unbearably smug yet. Andy and Angela weren’t quite as cartoonish as they would later become. Best of all, Michael was still on the show so I got to watch him once again fall in love with Holly Flax. Though The Office was pretty uneven after the third season, the few episodes of season 5 were all gems.

parking_wars

Parking Wars (Monday Morning on A&E)

I wrote about this annoyingly addictive show a few years ago. I watched two episodes of the show on Monday morning, as I was getting ready for my day. Even though I mostly had it on for background noise, I still couldn’t help but think about how this show, which aired its last original episode nearly ten years ago, feels like the perfect show for the current era. A bunch of self-righteous bureaucrats make life difficult for their fellow citizens and, whenever they’re challenged on it, they respond with a bunch of “If you had followed the rules” bullshit. Watching this show always makes me want to park in front of an expired meter and then rip up the ticket.

The Rookies

The Rookies (Sunday Morning, H&I)

The Rookies is a cop show that aired from 1972 to 1976. H&I just recently started showing the show. It airs on Sunday morning at 2 in the morning. I decided to set the DVR to record the show, just because it was a show that I’d never heard of. I’m like a cat when it comes to being curious about stuff.

Anyway, The Rookies is about three cops who are …. can you guess it? …. rookies! One is black. Two are white. One has a wife, the other two single. Whenever they drive their car around the city, 70s wah wah music plays in the background. From what I’ve seen so far, it’s pretty much a standard cop show. One of the cops is played by Michael Ontkean, so it’s possible to view the show as being a prequel to Twin Peaks, if you’re so inclined.

I watched Sunday’s episode off of the DVR. The first episode featured a criminal turning into an informant and putting his life at risk. In the 2nd episode, Ontkean was shot in the back and had to undergo an experimental surgery to regain the ability to walk. The stories were, in no way, surprising but it was a chance to experience how people talked and dressed in 1972.

Rome Chariot

Rome’s Chariot Superstar (Monday Morning, Smithsonian Channel)

This docuseries took a look at the ancient Roman chariot races. It was actually pretty entertaining. I enjoyed the descriptions of life in ancient Rome and, even better, they showed how to build and steer a chariot! As I’ve said many times on the site, I’m a history nerd. I love stuff like this.

sbtb

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

Ah, Saved By The Bell, the oddly popular and incredibly dated high school sitcom from the early 90s. Don’t ask me to explain why Saved By The Bell remains so watchable, despite being terrible in almost every way. It’s just a part of the culture and, perhaps more importantly, there’s never been an extended period of time when it hasn’t been on TV somewhere. One of the many places where it can currently be found is as a part of MeTV’s Sunday morning lineup. I always seem to end up watching it, even though the show makes me cringe in so many ways.

For instance, on Sunday morning, I watched three separate episodes. First off, I watched the infamous Running Zack. This is the incredibly problematic episode where the blonde, blue-eyed, and very pale Zack Morris discovers that he’s a direct descendant of the Native American Chief Joseph and he responds to this news by putting on an elaborate headdress and then giving a speech to his class. It’s really …. not good. Zack, however, does subsequently win the big track meet. If I remember correct, his Native American heritage was never again mentioned on the show.

Running Zack was followed by a far more entertaining episode, Jessie’s Song. This is the “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared” episode, in which Jessie gets hooked on caffeine pills. Everyone always laughs about the scene where Jessie freaks out but I think the extremely 80s music video is even more memorably weird.

Jessie’s Song was followed by The Fabulous Belding Boys, in which Mr. Belding’s supercool brother, Rod, showed up as a new substitute teacher at Bayside. After getting all of his students excited about going rafting for the senior class trip, Rod ditched them all for two stewardesses. Fortunately, Mr. Belding stepped up and took Rod’s place, showing Zack what being a hero is all about. This is actually one of the few episodes of Saved By The Bell that actually works as something more than camp, with the normally underappreciated Dennis Haskins getting a chance to show what he could actually do with some halfway decent dialogue.

YesMinister

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning on PBS)

This is a BBC series, which originally aired back in the 80s. It’s about a government minister named Jim Hacker (Paul Eddington) and two civil servants, Sir Humphrey (Nigel Hawthorne) and Bernard (Derek Fowlds), and their efforts to help Hacker run his department while also making sure that Hacker doesn’t actually accomplish anything. It’s a hilarious show, one that Jeff recently introduced me to. Even though the show is very British and 40+ years old, it’s still easy to see parallels between the show’s portrayal of the British government and the realities of Washington, D.C. I guess bureaucracy is universal.

This show airs on Monday, usually at midnight. I always set the DVR for it, though I’ve lately been staying up to watch it just because PBS is so inconsistent about keeping to their posted start and stop times. Back in February, when Texas got hit by that winter storm, an episode of Yes, Minister was the last thing that I watched before the rolling blackouts began.

This week’s episode found Jim Hacker going to a farm for a photo op and essentially screwing everything up. The show is at its best when it pokes fun at Hacker’s self-righteousness by revealing him to be just another clueless politician and this episode did just that. (In all fairness, though, Hacker also consistently means well and, occasional pompousness aside, actually is the type of person you would want in office.) Though the show may be an old one, it’s kind of what we need right now in the Age of Big Government.

Watched But Not Reviewed: