Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.9 “Genuine Heroes”

Posted on July 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the cast of Pacific Blue gets outacted.

Episode 2.9 “Genuine Heroes”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on October 20th, 1996)

Pacific Blue makes an unforgivable mistake in this episode by giving a plum guest-starring role to Charles Napier. When your show is populated by boring regular characters and actors who are distinguished by their almost total lack of screen charisma, the last thing you want to do is bring in a certifiable badass character actor like Charles Napier. If Lt. Palermo and the bicycle crew seem charmless during a normal episode, just imagine how much worse they look when compared to Napier.

Napier plays Tyrone Justice, a Texas bounty hunter who has come to Santa Monica to track down a bank robber and his girlfriend. The members of the bike patrol are like, “We’re not going to let you cause any trouble down here,” and it’s kind of hard not to smirk because Tyrone Justice is Charles Freaking Napier. He wears a leather jacket and carries a shotgun. The bike patrol wears shorts and those stupid plastic helmets and spends all of their time riding their bicycles. Like, seriously, shut up, bike patrol.

Meanwhile, VJTV (which I guess is the show’s version of MTV) is shooting on the beach for spring break. Del Toro has a crush on VJTV personality Ginger Delvecchio (Angelica Bridges). Cory rolls her eyes whenever Del Toro sees Delvecchio, complaining that Delvecchio’s career is due solely to her sex appeal and how she looks in a bikini. (This argument perhaps would have worked better if delivered on a show that didn’t open every episode with stock footage of women in bikinis.) Cory complaining feels out of character. Usually, Kelly is the member of the bike patrol who is written to be an annoying straw feminist. At the end of the episode, Ginger leaves VJTV for a show that is obviously meant to be Baywatch. Seeing as how Pacific Blue itself is an obvious rip-off of Baywatch, all of the smirks and sighs feel a bit hypocritical.

Anyway, this episode was pretty dumb. It’s impossible to take people who ride bicycles seriously. When the bike patrol arrested Charles Napier, I had to laugh. There’s no way Charles Napier would ever surrender to some douchebag on a bicycle.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.1 “Lights Out”

Posted on April 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s start season two of this stupid show!

Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)

It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!

Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts. The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles. In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!

See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!

Okay, Pacific Blue, whatever, It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.

A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu? Santa Barbara? Where does this show take place again? Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent. Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it. Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol? Hey, who wouldn’t? The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!

TC and Victor are soon finding bombs. TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs. A lifeguard tower explodes. A car explodes. There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going? The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.

The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation. As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t. Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new. Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”

Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber. Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything. In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up. The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.

Is the town saved from the mad bomber? Yes. Good work, bike patrol! You all still look silly on those bikes though.

The Eric Roberts Collection: Depth Charge (dir by Terrence O’Hara)

Posted on April 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Die Hard On A Submarine in 2008’s Depth Charge!

Dying of a brain tumor and passed over for a promotion (and wow, you thought your week sucked), Commander Krieg (Eric Roberts) and a band of mercenaries take over a nuclear submarine. They force off all of the actual crew of the sub but they somehow miss the doctor (Jason Gedrick) and an electrician (Chris Warren). The mad commander announces that unless he is sent a certain amount of money, he will launch the nuclear missiles. While the President (Barry Bostwick) dithers and an admiral (Corbin Bernsen) searches for the sub, the doctor and the electrician beat up mercenaries and work their way to the bridge.

“Get off my boat!” Gedrick growls several times.

Yeah, dude, we get it. Air Force One. Good movie.

This on the other hand …. well, let’s be positive here. This movie provides Eric Roberts with a substantial role and he does a good job as the villain, even if his motives never quite make sense. (He’s got a year to live so what exactly would he have done with a promotion or any of that money that he’s demanding?) But this movie asks us to believe that a bunch of mercenaries could not only sneak onto a submarine but also defeat almost the entire crew without a single bit of trouble. And then for submarine’s doctor to just happen to turn out to be a former boxer or UFC fighter or whatever he’s supposed to be (“He was a fighter,” a presidential aide explains) is just a bit too much of a coincidence.

That said, you get Eric Roberts, Corbin Bernsen, and Barry Bostwick, all in the same movie. All three of them deserve better but at least they all gave it their best here!

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.12 “The Big Spin”

Posted on April 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit! Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record. But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker. Bike patrol is his last chance! “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other. Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule. One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort. Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town. And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens. The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her. Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode! Well, no, not really. It comes close to being an edgy episode. Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer. But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles! I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy! The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.” I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.” Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.10 “Captive Audience”

Posted on March 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’m a little bit late with this review but so what? I mean, what’s Pacific Blue going to do? Chase me on their bicycles?

Episode 1.10 “Captive Audience”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 4th, 1996)

The local bank is being robbed! The three robbers — desperate and murderous criminals all — have taken hostages, including TC and Cory. TC just wanted to check out his safe deposit box. Cory just wanted to withdraw some money so she could buy a motorcycle. (If she had been withdrawing the money to buy another bicycle, I would have thrown a shoe at my television.) TC is in uniform. The robbers know he’s a cop. Cory is not in uniform and she and TC are pretending not to know each other. There’s also a pregnant woman in the bank who goes into labor, which means that Cory is going to have to get over her loathing of babies to help deliver one!

*Sigh*

I think I’ve said before that I hate cop shows that feature people being held hostage. It’s always the same thing. The robbers threaten a lot of people. The hostages get beaten and abused. Outside the bank, the negotiator says, “You have to give me more time!” On Pacific Blue, the negotiator is Captain Palermo and there’s something just silly about him, in his shorts and crisp polo shirt, directing a bunch of rough-and-ready SWAT team members who are in protective gear. Hostage situations are serious and potentially deadly but Palermo chasing the robbers are on his bicycle just made me laugh and laugh. I also laughed when the SWAT team first arrived at the bank and spotted Cory and TC’s bicycles sitting outside the building. “There might be cops in there,” someone says. Apparently, they’re unsure about whether or not bike cops should be considered real police or not. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

It falls to Del Toro and Chris to track down Doc Mueller (Charley Lang), a paranoid electronics expert who lives in a tent on the beach. He agreed to help disable the bank’s alarm so that the SWAT team can sneak inside. He also taps into the head robber’s “cellular phone” so that the cops can see who he is working with on the outside. Shows from the 90s are always amusing because everyone’s always like, “He’s got a cellular phone!” In 1996, those were still unusual and only used by desperate bank robbers.

(On a positive note, one of the robbers is played by a handsome young actor named Walton Goggins. What ever happened to him? Seriously, there’s not much about his performance here that indicates the type of actor he would become but still …. WALTON GOGGINS!)

Everything works out, of course. The main bank robber tries to escape in a helicopter but Palermo chases him — on his bike! — and manages to jump into the helicopter. It would have been really impressive if not for the bicycle and the fact that the Pacific Blue uniforms — those shorts and those blindingly white shirts — make all of the characters look really silly. It’s hard to take a cop seriously when he’s dressed like an aging track coach. The important thing, though, is that Cory gets over her hatred of babies and Palermo shows that bike cops deserve as much respect as real cops.

Eh. Who cares?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.6 “Takedown”

Posted on February 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who cares? Roll the opening credits.

Episode 1.6 “Takedown”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on April 6th, 1996)

Three dangerous criminals are holding up stores in …. oh Hell. Where does this show take place? I know it’s in California but what’s the name of the town? Malibu? Is that it? Hold on, let me check with Wikipedia….

SANTA MONICA! That’s where this show takes place.

See, that’s the type of show that Pacific Blue is. I am now six episodes into this show and I’m still can’t tell you where it specifically takes place. It’s not that they haven’t mentioned that the show is set in Santa Monica. And considering that I even attended Saint Monica School for a semester, you would think that I would be able to remember it. But Pacific Blue is such a generic show that it’s difficult to really remember a thing about it. It fades from your memory within seconds of being watched. About the only thing that really sticks with the viewer about this show is how stupid everyone looks on their bicycles with their tight white shirts and their blue shorts. The fact that Rick Rossovich plays their leader with a perpetual air of grim determination only serves to make them seem even more ridiculous. Cops are supposed to look intimidating. That’s one reason why a lot of people don’t like them. These cops just look like the type of douchebags you dread getting stuck behind in traffic.

As for this episode, three dangerous criminals are holding up stores in Santa Monica. Somehow, they always manage to escape right before the cops show up. Maybe that’s because the cops are all on bicycles and they have to steer across crowded sidewalks without even having the benefit of a siren to tell people to get out of the way. What’s odd is that no one ever seems to notice the criminals until they pull out their guns. These are three extremely scruffy criminals, all of whom are clad in clothes that don’t appear to have been washed in days. Are you seriously telling me no one would notice that on the beach in San Diego or wherever this freaking show takes place?

If I was a store owner who got robbed at gunsight and who then called the police, nothing would piss me off more than having the bicycle cops respond. Seriously, you need a car to chase criminals! All the criminals have to do is wait for the bike cops to pull a muscle or ride over a stick in the middle of the road and then they’ll be home free. If I get robbed, give me the real cops!

TC gets upset when one of the criminals points a gun at him. Lt. Palermo encourages him to stop being stoic and get in touch with his feelings and …. oh, who cares? Freaking bicycle cops. While that’s going on, Chris takes a creative writing class and dates her professor (Zach Galligan). From what we hear of Chris’s literary efforts, she has no talent whatsoever. She was such a bad writer that I literally got angry while she reading her story. I wanted the professor to throw something at her. Also, Victor del Toro falls in love with a model (Krista Allen) and even gets a date with her, despite his dumbass bicycle.

Where does this show take place again? Malibu?

Anyway, this was just another episode about the most useless cops ever.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.5 “Out Of The Past”

Posted on February 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This show is proving difficult to review.

Episode 1.5 “Out of the Past”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on March 30th, 1996)

Look, I tried. I really did.

This episode should have fascinated me. It featured three storylines. Palermo was told take a vacation when it became obvious that a serial killer known as The Angel (Tim Thomerson) had returned to the beach and was targeting doctors. Palermo and The Angel had a history, with Palermo failing to capture The Angel during the killer’s previous spree. This time, The Angel tried to force a journalist (played by Barry Miller) to record his crimes for posterity.

Meanwhile, Chris and TC went undercover as guests at a hotel so that they could catch a thief and a peeping tom. Chris and TC pretended to be romantically involved and were so dedicated to maintaining the act that they ended up spending a good deal of the episode hanging out together in their underwear.

Finally, both TC and Del Toro were obsessed with catching a speeding biker who continually managed to outrun and outmaneuver them. Compounding their embarrassment was the revelation that the biker was a woman.

Mystery, empowerment, and lingerie. Those are three of my favorites things but this episode still managed to thoroughly bore me. I had to view it three times because I kept getting distracted whenever I tried to sit down and just watch the show. Admittedly, with my ADHD, my attention span is on the short side but still, this episode of Pacific Blue was remarkable in that, no matter what happened, I just didn’t care.

Why? Why can’t this show even work in a so-bad-its-good kind of way? The characters are just boring and interchangeable. The men are all grim and serious-minded and, physically, they’re all the same type. They’re all tall and lean and blandly handsome and none of them have any quirks or interests to really make them stand-out. The women are also bland and spend most of their time smirking at their male co-workers. Who are these people? Who cares?

Perhaps the biggest flaw with this episode and the show so far is that the members of the bicycle patrol just look dorky and they peddle around the beach. The worse thing is when they have to chase a suspect down a flight of stairs and they literally pick and carry their bicycles as they do so. It’s hard to take bicyclists seriously, even when they’re cops.

Watching the show, I kept thinking about the bicycle cops who used to patrol the campus where I went to college. No one took them seriously and everyone knew the experience of being yanked over by one of them and being asked, “You been drinking tonight?” when you were totally sober. It happened to me, one night, when an old ankle injury was acting up and I was walking with a slight limp. I was already feeling self-conscious about it and getting stopped when all I wanted to do was get home and rest my ankle didn’t help. The insistence that I must have been drunk or otherwise under the influence and also the assumption that I was obligated to stand around while the cops slowly talked to each other left me feeling violated. Whenever I see TC or Palermo sitting on their bikes with their oh-so serious “I am a badass” facial expressions, I remember every bad experience that I’ve ever had or I’ve ever seen someone else have with a cop.

My hope is that Pacific Blue, over the course of its run, eventually found a way to make its characters less annoying and more likable. (For instance, I don’t mind the cops on CHiPs because at least they’re entertaining.) I guess we’ll find out!