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Retro Television Review: City Guys 1.3 “Knicks Tickets” and 1.4 “The Package”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Roll with the city guys!

It’s Thursday and that means that it’s time to review two more episodes of City Guys!  When last I reviewed this show, I was wondering whether the show would improve on its first two episodes.  Actually, I wasn’t so much much wondering as I was hoping.  (Maybe even praying….)  But before we examine episodes 3 and 4 of City Guys, let’s get in the mood:

City-wide!  We’re all the same …. you know the drill.

Episode 1.3 “Knicks Tickets”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 20th, 1997)

At the end of the second episode of City Guys, Chris and Jamal were best friends and the principal, Ms. Noble, was acting as if she had known them and all the other students at Manhattan High for years.

However, the third episode finds Chris and Jamal still engaged in the adversarial relationship that they had during the first episode.  They’re working together on the video yearbook but neither is happy about it.  Chris is determined to date Cassidy Guiliani.  (Yes, that’s her last name.  Rudy was mayor of New York when this show aired but I have no idea if Cassidy is meant to be a relative or not.)  Jamal is still referring to Chris as being “some rich white boy.”  Neither one of them knows enough about Ms. Noble to understand that they’ll always get caught if they try to fool her.

My guess is that the third episode was originally meant to be the second episode but, when the show originally aired, the episodes were shown out of order.  This is something that NBC was notorious for doing with its TNBC shows.  (It also explains why Zach Morris’s age seemed to change so dramatically from one episode to another of Saved By The Bell.)  Technically, showing a show like City Guys out of order is not the greatest outrage that’s ever occurred even in the history of television but it is an indication of how little NBC cared about things like maintaining continuity or, for that matter, respecting the ability of its audiences to realize that something strange was happening.  It’s just one of those things that annoys me to no end.

As for the plot of this episode, Ms. Noble has arranged for the class to attend a performance of MacBeth in Central Park.  Ms. Noble wants Chris and Jamal to film the performance for the video yearbook and she also wants them to get Patrick Stewart’s autograph.  (Patrick Stewart, we’re told, is playing MacBeth and that sounds pretty badass, to be honest.)  However, Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy skip school and go to a Knicks game instead.  Naturally, Ms. Noble sees them on television and eventually, Jamal and Chris have to come clean and….

Wait a minute.  Didn’t all this happen on Saved By The Bell?  Zach pretended to be Jewish so he could skip school and go to a baseball game and he was caught on television.  Of course, Zach still got away with skipping because Mr. Belding and Zach’s parents didn’t watch the game.  Ms. Noble, however, is a far better principal than Mr. Belding.  Instead of accusing Jamal, Chris, and Cassidy of skipping, she waits for their guilt to force them to confess.

But what if they hadn’t confessed?  Well, I guess Ms. Noble would have looked pretty stupid.

Speaking of stupid, that’s what this episode was.  Let’s move on.

Episode 1.4 “The Package”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 27th, 1997)

Every TNBC show had to have an annoying sidekick and, on City Guys, that role was fulfilled by Al.  Al rode a bicycle, worked as a messenger, had “connections,” and had an annoying habit of shouting, “Bam!” at random moments.

The fourth episode opens with Al telling Chris and Jamal that he has a new job.  All he has to do is deliver one package a day for Tonio and Tonio shows his gratitude by paying Al an exorbitant amount of money.  Chris and Jamal inform Al that Tonio is obviously a drug dealer.  Al argues that Tonio is just an electronics salesman.

Tonio eventually shows up on a campus to discover why his latest package hasn’t been delivered.  He’s wearing a gold medallion and he’s accompanied by two silent men who keep their hands in their jackets.

Yes, Tonio’s a drug dealer.

Fortunately, Chris, Jamal, and Ms. Noble are able to help Al get out of his bad situation.  When Tonio tries to threaten Al, Ms. Noble orders him off campus and Tonio leaves …. once again proving that even drug dealers respect the authority of a caring principal.  What was odd about City Guys is that apparently, all problems were resolved by whatever happened in front of the school or, occasionally, up on the roof.  No one seems to be concerned that Tonio might just decide to wait outside of school until the bell rings and Al has to leave campus.  Instead, Ms. Noble told everyone to go to class and …. hey, problem solved!  (Admittedly, Ms. Noble does say that she’s going to call the police and let them know what’s going on but seriously, New York is a big city and there’s only so many cops.)

That’s just the way it was in the world of TNBC.  There wasn’t a problem in the world that couldn’t be solved in just 20 minutes.

Anyway, The Package was well-intentioned but pretty dumb.  How would Al not have known that Tonio was a drug dealer?  To its credit, the show does feature Ms. Noble suggesting that Al was deliberately fooling himself because he wanted the money that Tonio was willing to pay him but still, the whole thing felt a bit contrived.  “If you see something, say something!” this episode says, while giving little thought to what happens to snitches in real life.  This isn’t Bayside and no one can magically stop time.

That’s it for this week’s City Guys!  Next week, Chris and Jamal continue to heal America!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Produced by Aaron Spelling, The Love Boat is one of the signature shows of the 70s and the 80s.  Each week, the Pacific Princess would set off for a different location with a different group of guest stars.  Typically, each episode would feature three stories.  One story would be silly fun.  One story would be a dramedy.  And then one story would typically feature a member of the Love Boat crew either falling in love or worrying about losing their job.  It was a tremendously silly show but, from the episodes I’ve seen, it was also very likable.  If nothing else, the ship looked really nice.

While the passengers changed from week-to-week, the crew largely remained the same.  During the show’s first season, the crew was made up of:

Captain Merrill Stubing (Gavin MacLeod), who started out as a stern, no-nonsense captain but who became significantly nicer and a good deal goofier as the series progressed,

Adam “Doc” Bricker (Bernie Kopell), the ship’s doctor who hit on every woman who boarded the boat and who probably would have been an HR nightmare if the show actually took place in the real world,

Gopher (Fred Grandy), the ship’s purser who …. well, I’m not sure what a purser does but hopefully it wasn’t too important of a job because Gopher was always getting into weird situations,

Isaac (Ted Lange), the ship’s bartender who spent the entire cruise getting people drunk,

and Julie (Lauren Tewes), the cheerful cruise director.

And, of course, we can’t forget the true star of the show, the theme song!

Before the series, there were three made-for-television movies: The Love Boat (1976), The Love Boat II (1976), and finally The New Love Boat (1977).  These movies served as pilots for the show.  The first movie featured an entirely different cast playing the ship’s crew.  Kopell, Lange, and Grandy first played their roles in The Love Boat II.  MacLeod and Tewes came aboard in The New Love Boat.  Unfortunately, these pilots aren’t available on Paramount Plus but, fortunately, the rest of the series is.

So, let’s set sail on a course for adventure with the first episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

(Directed by Richard Kinon, Stuart Margolin, and Alan Rafkin, originally aired on September 24th, 1977)

The Pacific Princess is about to set sail but all is not right on the cruise ship that some call The Love Boat.

Ginny O’Brien (Brenda Sykes) just wants to get away from her longtime boyfriend, Ronald (Jimmie Walker).  Ginny wants to marry Ronald but Ronald just wants to have a good time.  When Ginny boards the cruise, Ronald decides to follow her.  The only problem is that the cruise is sold out and Ronald can’t break the law by stowing away.  (I was actually surprised that didn’t happen.  I can imagine The Love Boat writers room descending into chaos as the writers argued about whether or not it was too early to do a stowaway story.)  Ronald decides to follow the Love Boat from port to port, just so he can show Ginny that he is committed to something.  Ginny ends up spending her entire cruise wondering if Ronald is going to be make it to every port.  To me, it felt as if her cabinmate (Suzanne Somers) seemed to be kind of annoyed about getting sucked into all of Ginny’s personal drama but that could just be projection on my part.  I know that I would certainly get annoyed by it.

Meanwhile, Congressman Brad Brockway (Shelly Novack) has set sail with his fiancée, Sandy (Meredith Baxter-Birney).  When Sandy was younger, she posed for a sleazy photographer.  Now that she’s engaged to the Congressman, a tabloid has published those pictures.  Sandy spends the entire cruise trying to keep Brad from seeing any copies of the magazine.  The only problem is that the magazine is sold in ship’s gift shop!  (Did most cruise ships sell adult magazines in their gift shop?  I supposed it’s possible.  It was the 70s….)  Sandy manages to get almost every copy of the magazine but misses the copy that Doc keeps in his examination room.  Doc looks at the pictures and tells her that she has nothing to be ashamed of because the pictures look good.  That really wasn’t her main concern, Doc.  Anyway, it turns out that the Congressman doesn’t care.  Personally, I would have preferred that the story had ended with Sandy announcing that she was the one who didn’t care.

Finally, Captain Stubing is a nervous wreck because an executive of the cruise line named Aubrey Skogstad (Robert Symonds) is on the cruise and so is his wife, Stacy (Bonnie Franklin).  While Aubrey is quiet and polite, Stacy proceeds to tell every member of the crew that they are inadequate and that she will personally make it her duty to get them all fired.  It turns out that Stacy is hostile because she’s Captain Stubing’s ex-wife.  Since Captain Stubing is still new to the ship and has kept himself aloof from the rest of the crew, they wonder if he’ll ever stand up for them.  Eventually, the captain tells Stacy off and, in doing so, he finally wins the loyalty of his crew.  Yay!

Anyway, the first episode of The Love Boat was very, very 70s.  The only thing that could have made it more 70s would have been a disco ball on the lido deck.  Fortunately, as our long-time readers know, I’m a total history nerd so I enjoyed the show as a floating time capsule.  It’s one thing to watch a movie that’s set in the 70s and which features everyone going out of their way to bring to life every stereotype.  It’s another thing to actually view something that was specifically made during the time period.

Unfortunately, the stories and the passengers themselves were pretty forgettable.  The whole thing about the Stacy and the Congressman was slightly interesting just because, with the rise of social media, everyone’s got smutty pictures out there now.  For the most part, though, this first episode was about introducing Captain Stubing and the crew and the cast did display a good deal of chemistry together.  They were all likable.  Even Doc Bricker, with his stash of cruise porn, seemed to be well-intentioned.  They came across as people who most viewers would want to take a cruise with, which is exactly what the show required to be a success.

Next week …. more love, more 70s fashion, and more intrusive laugh tracks as we set sail on another voyage!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island (dir by Richard Lang)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Ah, Fantasy Island!

There have been several versions of Fantasy Island.  In the late 90s, there was a version that featured Malcolm McDowell as the somewhat aloof owner of the island.  More recently, there was a movie that featured Michael Pena as the owner of the Island and which tried to turn the whole thing into a horror franchise.  It wasn’t very good.  And right now, there’s a show on Fox that features Roselyn Sanchez as the grand niece of the island’s original owner.  The Fox series is about to start its second season.  It’s a bit silly, which is why I kind of love it.

And then there’s the Fantasy Island that started it all, the Aaron Spelling-produced series that ran from 1977 to 1984 on ABC and which has lived on in reruns and on streaming platforms like Tubi.  Both the original series and all of its subsequent spin-offs took place on a mysterious tropical island where people would pay to live out their fantasies.  In the original series, the island was run by Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban), who wore a white suit and encouraged everyone to smile whenever the guests arrived.  Serving as Mr. Roarke’s second-in-command was Tattoo (Herve Villechaize), who was 3’11, always wore a matching white suit, and announced the arrival of the plane by ringing a bell and shouting, “The plane, the plane!”  Of course, each week would bring in a different group of guest stars.  They would come to the island with a fantasy and, hopefully, they would learn that reality was the only fantasy that they needed.

All seven seasons of the original Fantasy Island are currently streaming on Tubi.  However, if you want to see the 1977 pilot film that started it all, you have to go to YouTube.

In many ways, the 90-minute pilot film feels like a typical episode of Fantasy Island.  It’s interesting to see that the show’s basic premise and format was already set in stone when the pilot was filmed.  (Pilots are notorious for often being dramatically different from the shows that they were created to sell.)  The pilot opens with the plane arriving (and yes, from the start, Tattoo rings the bell and shouts, “The plane!”) and three guests meeting Mr. Roarke.  Our three guest stars are Bill Bixby, Hugh O’Brian, and Eleanor Parker.  Bixby plays Arnold Greenwood, a former war correspondent who wants to be reunited with Francesca (Sandra Dee), the woman with whom he fell in love during World War II.  O’Brian is Paul, a famous big game hunter who wants to be hunted for once.  Eleanor Parker is Eunice Hollander Barnes, one of the world’s richest women.  She wants to fake her death so she can see who, from her life, would actually mourn her and who would just try to steal her fortune.

If the pilot’s format is the same as the series that followed, the general tone is somewhat different.  Mr. Roarke is an almost sinister figure, one who doesn’t really seem to think much of his guests and who is quick to point out that no one gets a fantasy until they’ve paid him the required $50,000.  (That’s $50,000 in 1970s money.  I have to admit that when Mr. Roarke first mentioned how much the fantasies cost, I was like, “Hey, I could afford this place!”)

Consider the story of the hunter.  Paul wants to be hunted because he’s suicidal.  His real fantasy is to die.  The night before Paul’s fantasy is to begin, Michelle (Victoria Principal) shows up at Paul’s room.  Michelle explains that Mr. Roarke has hired her to provide Paul with companionship during the night.  Unfortunately, Michelle ends up handcuffed to Paul and, as a result, she’s hunted along with him!  Now, you could argue that Mr. Roarke did this to teach Paul to think about someone other than himself.  But what if Paul hadn’t learned the lesson?  Then Michelle would be dead too!  What would Mr. Roarke do then?  Just have Tattoo dump the bodies in the lagoon?  “To hell with you, Roarke!” Paul yells and who can blame him?

And then there’s our war correspondent, Arnold.  Arnold’s fantasy seems simple enough but then it turns out that the reason he lost contact with Francesca is because he murdered her!  As a result of his fantasy, Arnold not only relives the first time he met Francesca but also how their relationship ended.  The entire experience leaves Arnold laughing like a madman as his sanity slips away.

As for Eunice’s story, it’s pretty stupid.  She dresses up like a maid so that she can listen to what people have to say about her once they think she’s dead.  It’s like an episode of Undercover Boss.  At least former Kennedy in-law Peter Lawford makes an appearance as Eunice’s husband.  Eunice ends up far less traumatized than either Paul or Arnold but she still had to fake her death to come to peace with her life.

The pilot is entertaining.  One can understand why it would lead to a series.  The island is lovely to look at.  Even with the somewhat sinister tone of two of the stories, it’s still impossible to watch the pilot without wondering what type of fantasy you would pursue if you went to the Island.  For me, that’s always been the main appeal of all of the various versions of Fantasy Island.  Still, it’s interesting that the fantasies themselves are less comforting than what I think many would expect on account of the show’s reputation.  For all the criticism that Blumhouse received for their reinterpretation of Fantasy Island, they were not the first to imagine Mr. Roarke as being somewhat less than benevolent.  Of course, when the actual series started, Mr. Roarke was a far friendlier host.

Next week, the series begins and hopefully, no further guests are traumatized to the point of catatonia.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/28/22 — 9/03/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching old TNBC shows from the 90s.  That was my choice and stand by it.

Allo Allo (PBS, Sunday Night)

Michelle needed to send microfilm to London and the cafe needed to prepare for a parade.  Meanwhile, with the outcome of the war now becoming obvious, the Germans made plans to assassinate Hitler and escape from France.

PBS is currently showing the final episodes of Allo Allo.  There’s only two episodes left and, to be honest, it’s kind of obvious that the show itself was more than ready to be wrapped up by the time it started its 9th series.  Watching this week’s episode, it was hard to shake the feeling that everyone appeared to have just been going through the motions.  (I recently read that Gorden Kaye, who played Rene, was recovering from a serious car accident, which perhaps explains why he seems a bit more subdued than usual.)  Still, Officer Crabtree’s “Good moaning” will always make me laugh, as will Michelle’s “I shall say this only once.”

The Bachelorette (ABC, Monday Night)

The men tell all!

They didn’t tell enough as far as I’m concerned.  They should have just sent all the other men home and interviewed Meatball for two hours.

Big Brother (CBS and Paramount+, Everyday)

I’ve been writing about Big Brother at the Big Brother Blog!  This week, Kyle was voted out after having his game exposed by Michael and Brittany.  Because Kyle’s plan was to target all of the black players because he was convinced they were going to form their own Cookout-style alliance, Kyle was worried that he would be booed when he left the house.  I’m not sure if the audience booed him or not.  It actually sounded like production abruptly turned off the audience microphones as soon as Kyle stepped through the front door.  Julie Chen Moonves got to pretend that she was a serious journalist during her seven-minute exit interview with Kyle.  Then Julie cheerfully announced that Zingbot would be on Sunday’s show.

California Dreams (YouTube)

This week, I watched and reviewed 18 episodes of California Dreams.  You can read the first of those reviews here!

The Challenge (CBS, Wednesday Night)

Tyson and Enzo survived another week, so I’m happy.

City Guys (Tubi)

I watched 19 episodes of City Guys this week and I wrote and scheduled reviews of all of them.  You can read the first two by clicking here!

Full House (MeTV, Sunday Evening)

Uncle Jesse decided to skip the Tanner Family Reunion because he needed to work on a song.  Michelle got mad and, as usual, everyone had to rearrange their lives to placate that demented little troll doll.  “Uncle Jesse’s not nice nice anymore!” Michelle said.  No, Uncle Jesse has a job because he’s a freaking adult.  Considering that Jesse has spent the majority of the show either mooching off Danny or Becky, everyone should have been encouraging him to actually do some work on his own for once.

This was followed by a terrifying episode in which Joey auditioned for a children’s show with the help of a big chipmunk doll.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I have been watching episode of this show and scheduling reviews.  Look for my review of the first two episodes on Monday!  The main thing that I’ve learned from watching Hang Time is that I don’t know a thing about basketball.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

On Wednesday, I watched another episode of Inspector Lewis.  Lewis and Hathaway were investigating a series of murders surrounding a fake medium.  Hathaway spent most of the show wearing a neck brace and contemplating the mysteries of existence.  Lewis, as usual, was much more pragmantic in his approach.

The Office (Weekday Evening, FaveTV)

I watched two episodes on Wednesday.  First, I watched the second part of the episode in which Pam and Jim got married in Niagara.  This was followed by the notoriously silly episode in which Michael became convinced that a pushy insurance agent was a member of the Mafia.

One World (Tubi)

I watched and reviewed 18 episodes of One World this week!  You can read the first of those reviews by clicking here!

Open All Hours (PBS, Sunday Night)

Granville threatened to go back to school so Arkwright locked him in the cellar.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 1.1 “Battle of the Bands” and 1.2 “Beat of His Own Drum”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

In 1992, with Saved By The Bell coming to a close, Peter Engel attempted to duplicate that show’s magic with California Dreams!  The story of a bunch of teens who start their own band, California Dreams was basically Saved By The Bell if every episode had centered around the Zack Attack.

The first season of California Dreams centered around Matt Garrison (Brent Gore) and his younger sister, Jenny (Heidi Noelle Lenhart).  Matt played guitar and was the band’s lead singer.  Jenny played keyboards and sang.  Tiffani (Kelly Packard) was the surfer who played bass.  Tony (William James Jones) played drums.  Sly Winkle (Michael Cade) managed the band.  Mr. Garrison (Michael Cutt) and Mrs. Garrison (Gail Ramey) supported Matt’s ambitions.  The youngest Garrison child was Dennis (Ryan O’Neill).  The Garrisons were a pretty boring family and they would be phased out after this season.

Now, sing it….

Episode 1.1 “Battle of the Bands”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 12th, 1992)

The story of California’s blandest garage band got its start with a simple episode about a Battle of the Bands.  As the episode begins, California Dreams has already been formed and apparently already has fans.  We’re starting in medias res and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.  In fact …. wait a minute!  Where’s Jake!?  Where’s Sam!?  Where’s Mark Winkle?  WHERE’S LORENA!?

(Lorena is the character to whom I always relate.)

Sorry, none of those characters are present in season one.  Of the classic California Dreams line-up, only Sly, Tony, and Tiffani were present at the start and, during the first season, all three of them were overshadowed by the Garrisons.  Though it’s easy to forget, the band was originally formed by Matt Garrison and his younger sister, Jenny.  Matt Garrison is quick to tell everyone that he’s rock and roll.  In this episode, he talks about how much he loves obscure bands like The Beatles and U2.  I wonder if he’s ever heard of the Beach Boys.  Needless to say, without Jake and Lorena, the first season of California Dreams is pretty bland.

Anyway, in this episode, the California Dreams enter a Battle of the Bands contest but they find themselves competing against their hated rivals, Bradley and the Billionaires.  We don’t get to hear Bradley’s music but the band looks pretty sharp in their old club jackets.  GO BRADLEY!  When the Battle of the Bands ends in a tie, this means that California Dreams and the Billionaires will be competing in a run-off for …. well, I’m not sure what the prize is.  Probably an Applebee’s gift card or something.

(Actually, I just rewatched the episode.  The prize was $500, the majority of which would probably be spent at Applebee’s.)

Sly decides that Matt should date one of the judges, Angela.  Matt doesn’t think that he and Angela have anything in common but then Angela reveals that she also likes the Beatles.  ANOTHER BEATLES FAN IN CALIFORNIA!?  WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!?  Can Matt tell her the truth about why he asked her out and still win the contest?  Who cares?  Bradley is clearly a better musician.  That said, the Dreams win the contest because the show is named after them.  Angela forgives Matt after he gives her tickets to a big concert.  “Beethoven!” Angela says, looking at the tickets.  Sweetie, he’s not actually going to be there.

Meanwhile, Tony decides to get an earring but freaks out when he sees the needle.  Wimp.

Episode 1.2 “Beat Of His Own Drum”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 19th, 1992)

Tony has finally written a song that he’s proud of but it turns out that his father doesn’t care about the band.  So, Tony tries to win his father’s love by dropping out of the band and playing football.  Eventually, Tony fakes an injury to get out of playing football and rejoins the band.

Meanwhile, Matt’s creepy little brother develops a crush on Tiffani.  It’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable to watch.

It all works out in the end.  Tony’s dad begrudgingly comes to a California Dreams performance and sees Tony perform his song.  While Tony sings, we get to see a music video that I guess is supposed to be taking place in Tony’s head.  Tony sings and dances with an umbrella while Matt hops around in a green suit and Jenny poses with two ventriloquist dummies.  It’s the type of thing that makes O-Town look edgy.  But no matter!  Tony wins his father’s support.  Yay!

Retro Television Reviews: One World 1.1 “Hurricane Jane” and 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

City Guys wasn’t the only “edgy” show that Peter Engel produced for TNBC.  There was also …. ONE WORLD!

One World told the story of a Miami-based multicultural foster family.  Dave Blake (Michael Toland) was former baseball player turned high school coach.  His wife, Karen (Elizabeth Morehead), was an art teacher.  They owned a nice big house and they adopted troubled teens as a hobby.

Among the members of their family:

Ben Blake (Bryan Kirkwood) was a recovering alcoholic who played in a band and dated a lot of girls.

Jane (Arroyn Lloyd) was the latest addition to the family.  She wore a leather jacket, liked zombie movies, and had an extensive criminal record.

Neal Smith (Harvey Silver) was the former gang member turned honors student.

Marci Blake (Alicia Reyes) was obsessed with making money.

Sui Blake (Michelle Krusiec) was obsessed with boys and fashion.

Cray Blake (Brandon Baker) was the youngest of the family.

Together, they were living in One World!

Episode 1.1 “Hurricane Jane”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

The very first episode of One World opens with Sui bragging to her stepparents that she set a new record while running.  “Were the cops chasing you again?” Stepdad asks, while the audience laughs.  Hence, from the very first joke, it’s established that the Blakes aren’t very good foster parents.  Indeed, it’s interesting how many future episodes will revolve around the Blake children getting arrested for doing something and then freaking out about the inevitable visit from a social worker.  As Mrs. Blake puts it in this episode, “We didn’t want normal kids.  We wanted the worst kids we could find!”

(That said, none of the kids really seem to be that bad, despite all of their talk about how they were once homeless criminals.  This is a Peter Engel production, after all.)

New arrival Jane joins the household and immediately pegs them as being “The Brady Bunch.  Jane announces that she’s not staying and tells her stepsiblings to drop dead.  “Once you get to know me, you won’t want me around!” Jane declares, “No one ever has and no one ever will!”  Jane is even more upset to learn that The Warehouse (“the most happening under-21 club in Miami,” as her stepbrother, Ben, puts it) doesn’t serve alcohol.  Fortunately, a hurricane blows into town and Jane is forced to stick around and bond with her new family.  In other words, the hurricane was God’s way of forcing Jane to stay with her new family and pursue her obvious crush on Ben.

The hurricane also allows Marci a chance to make some money off of other people’s suffering.  She hoards supplies so that she can sell them after the disaster.  That’s actually not a bad business plan but you really do have to wonder if the Blakes realize that they’re raising a family of sociopaths.  That said, Marci does have a sudden change of hearts and ends up giving away everything that she’s hoarded.

As far as first episodes are concerned, this one wasn’t so bad.  I liked Jane’s bad attitude and her anger, which brought a different energy to this episode from what you would typically expect from a Peter Engel production.  And I related to Sui and her appreciation of the better things in life.  That said, I don’t know if I would have willingly gone out in a hurricane to look for anyone who wasn’t a cat.

Episode 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

“The next kid we get is going to be kosher!” Dave Blake announces when he discovers that all of the bacon has been eaten before he gets a chance to have anyone.

Wow, Dave, way to only think about yourself!

In the second episode of One World, the Blakes formally adopt Neal but Neal has to decide whether to to change his last name from Smith to Blake.  Neal decides that he’s happy to be a part of the Blake family but he still wants to hold onto his past by retaining his “Smith” name.  This episode would have perhaps been more effective if Neal didn’t have the most common last name in the world.

In the show’s B-plot, Sui was dating a player on Dave’s baseball team.  At first, Dave didn’t want Sui dating one of his players but then the player had a good game.  “Now, I’m trying to figure out how you can date all of my players!” Dave says.  Uhmm, okay, Dave.  That’s not a creepy thing for a foster parent to say at all.

Will the Blakes be able to create he perfect family?  Will Jane ever feel at home with the Brady Bunch?  We shall find out next week …. maybe.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 1.1 “New Kids” and 1.2 “For The Love of Mother”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of City Guys

The year was 1997 and everyone loved TNBC.  Well, not everyone.  Actually, I imagine that most people over the age of 30 had no idea what TNBC was.  But, if you were a kid in the 90s and the early aughts, you knew that Sunday morning was when NBC aired shows like Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, and Hang Time.  Produced by Peter S. Engel, these shows all took place in an idealized teen world where everyone was pretty, the schools were always clean, and every problem could be resolved in 30 minutes.

But, in the early 90s, TNBC was struggling a bit.  Saved By The Bell: The New Class was not as popular as the original Saved By The Bell and California Dreams had just ended.  For his next show, Peter Engel decided to do something a bit edgier than the sitcoms for which he was best known.  He came up with City Guys, a show set not in California or Hang Time‘s Indiana.  Instead, City Guys would be set in New York and it would feature a multi-racial cast.  It would feature two best friends, one black and one white.  It would be relevant and edgy while still recycling the same plots that had already been done to death on Saved By The Bell and California Dreams!

It would be City Guys, a celebration of city people!

So, how edgy was City Guys?

Just check out the theme song!

They’re smart and streetwise!  They’re the neat guys!  They’re the City Guys!  Roll with them!

Neat guys?

I can only imagine what that nickname did for their street cred.

Anyway, I admit that I coming across City Guys on Tubi made me feel just a little nostalgic for the days when I would randomly come across episodes of City Guys and Saved By The Bell playing in syndication so I decided to rewatch the show, which was perhaps a mistake because, so far, City Guys has not been as good as I remembered.  In fact, it’s been pretty bad.

Just consider the first two episodes:

1.1 “New Kids”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, aired on September 6th, 1997)

It’s the first day of school at Bayside …. oh, sorry.  My mistake.  We’re not at Bayside and we’re not in Los Angeles.  Instead, we are at Manhattan High and we are totally in New York.  Don’t let the fact that the show was obviously filmed on the same sound stage as Saved By The Bell and California Dreams fool you.  We are totally in the city!

The first episode of City Guys does what a typical first episode does.  It introduces our main characters and portrays them as stereotypically as possible.  Alberto (Dion Basco) is quickly established as being this show’s annoying sidekick when he rides up to the school on his bicycle and announces that his name is now “Al Rocket!”  Dawn Tartikoff (Caitlin Mowery) is established as being the show’s annoying overachiever when she shows up in her first scene carrying a sign about saving the environment.  Tina (Gina McClain) is the pretty model who looks down on everyone else and whose character is destined to be dropped from the show after this episode.

And then there’s Jamal (Wesley Jonathan) and Chris (Scott Whyte).  Jamal is black and lower middle-class.  Chris is white and rich.  That’s pretty much all the characterization that the first episode bothers to give them.  They’re both transfer students at Manny High.  Jamal was kicked out of his last school for fighting but he explains that he was more of a “punching bag” than a fighter.  Chris was kicked out of several schools and apparently “flooded the soccer field.”  How exactly did he do that?  That’s never explained but everyone still seems to be really impressed when they hear about it.

At first, Chris and Jamal don’t get along.  Jamal thinks that Chris is a spoiled rich kid.  Chris calls Jamal “homey the clown.”  The studio audiences loves it, even while future viewers cringe.  Jamal bets Chris $20 that he can’t get a date with Tina.  The wise and no-nonsense principal, Ms. Noble (Marcella Lowery), decides that the best way to get these two to shape up is to force them to paint the new school mural.

Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a graffiti already on the wall.  El-Train (Steven Daniel) has tagged the wall and he threatens to kill anyone who paints over it.  In future episodes, El-Train would become a kind-hearted sidekick to the main characters and would serve largely as comic relief.  In this episode, he’s the school bully who everyone fears.  Jamal tries to avoid angering El-Train by painting around the tag.  But then Jamal sabotages Chris’s attempt to date Tina so Chris paints over El-Train’s name because …. I guess Chris is trying to get Jamal killed?  That seems like an overreaction.

Fortunately, Chris learns the errors of his ways and, when Jamal and El-Train have their inevitable fight on the roof of the school, Chris confesses that he was the one who did painted over El-Train’s name.  Then Ms. Noble shows up and sends everyone back to class, except for El-Train who gets suspended and whose name is revealed to actually be Lionel.  Chris and Jamal make fun of El-Train’s real name, no longer concerned about dying because Ms. Noble apparently has the power to magically quash all beefs.

Still, Ms. Noble isn’t going to just shrug off Chris’s attempt to get Jamal killed.  She orders the two of them to work as co-editors of the “video yearbook.”  Because, seriously, why shouldn’t the yearbook be used as a behavior modification experiment?

The end credits roll.  I’m sure these neat guys will have all sorts of adventures over the next four years of high school!

1.2 “For The Love Of Mother”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, aired on September 13, 1997)

Immediately after the opening credits of the second episode of City Guys, it becomes clear that things have certainly changed from last week.

Chris and Jamal have gone from being weary acquaintances to best friends!

Ms. Noble now knows all of the students and speaks to them as if she’s known them for years!

Tina has vanished and been replaced, as Dawn’s best friend, by Cassidy (Marissa Dyan).  Cassidy is just as blonde and pretty as Tina but the actress is a bit less abrasive!

El-Train is nowhere to be seen!

For that matter, neither is the video yearbook that Chris and Jamal are supposed to be working on.  Instead, this episode centers around Jamal’s sudden proficiency as a keyboardist and Chris’s desire to have a closer relationship with his mom (played by a very chic Susan Anton).  When Mrs. Anderson visits the school, she hears Jamal playing the keyboards that he’s just purchased from Al.  Mrs. Anderson takes Jamal under her wing and even arranges for him to play at a fundraiser that she’s hosting for the school’s music department.  Chris gets jealous because his mom promised to take him to an Eric Clapton concert on the same night of the fundraiser….

Wait …. Eric Clapton?  In the year 1997, were teenagers really going crazy over Eric Clapton tickets?  Maybe one can excuse Chris for being into Clapton because he’s supposed to be a rich outsider.  But all of the other students at Manhattan High are just as excited as he is about the  chance to see Eric Clapton perform live.  (What 15 year-old in 1997 wouldn’t be excited about hearing Wonderful Tonight live!?)  NBC certainly had its finger on the pulse of youth culture!  Of course, the main reason why the students are so excited about Eric Clapton is because the middle-aged people who wrote and produced this show would have been excited about Eric Clapton.  It’s an example of how City Guys, a show about young people growing up on the hard streets of New York City, was created by people who were neither young nor New Yorkers.

This episode of City Guys also features a Japanese cook, who, of course, has a temper, bows whenever anyone insults him, and who speaks heavily accented English.  He’s portrayed as being such a stereotype that I’m surprised they didn’t have someone hit a gong every time he entered a room.  City Guys was a show about how whites and blacks should get along but apparently, the message of respect and defying stereotypes didn’t extend to Asians.

Anyway, it all works out in the end.  Jamal impresses all the old white people with his music.  Chris gets over being jealous.  Mrs. Anderson …. well, she remains the same.

So, that’s it for the first two episodes of City Guys.  Will the show get better or was I led astray by nostalgia?  Check here next Thursday for my thoughts on episodes three and four!

12 Things That I’m Looking Forward To In September

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to the month of September!  Here are twelve things to which I am looking forward!

  1. October — Let’s just admit it.  Around these parts, the best thing about September is that it leads to October and TSL’s annual month of Horror!  It’s not just that I spend September looking forward to Halloween.  It’s also that I spend September selecting and watching all of the horror movies and reading all the books that I’m going to review in October!  There’s nothing more fun that watching all the pieces that make up the jigsaw puzzle that is October fall into place.
  2. Labor Day — How can you not be excited by our most confusing holiday?  Not only does it involve a long weekend and a chance to see family but it also officially signals the end of wearing white.  Plus, Labor Day is the official start of campaign season and this year, I’m actually paying attention to the midterms.
  3. After Ever Happy — The After saga comes to a close.  Will the world’s most boring couple manage to stick together?  Will that pretentious British dude ever stop feeling sorry for himself?  Will the American girl finally realize that she doesn’t have much of a personality beyond whoever she happens to be  dating at the moment?  And how foolish will people on Twitter act over this movie?  The previous After films all made my list for the worst films of the year in which they were released.  Will After Ever Happy keep the streak alive?
  4. Pinocchio — It’s easy to be cynical about remakes but the trailers look adorable!
  5. Blonde — Finally, after all the hype about the NC-17 rating, we’ll get to see Blonde for ourselves!  That said, it is kind of funny the Blonde was rated NC-17 but it’s going to be showing on Netflix, which anyone can watch whenever they feel like it.  Is Netflix going to be like, “Hey, if you’re not 17, stop watching right now!?”  In the streaming era, ratings feel like a left-over relic from the past.
  6. Don’t Worry, Darling — Much like Blonde, we’ll finally get to see what all the controversy is about.  Personally, I kind of suspect this film will be overshadowed by all the personal stuff involving Olivia Wilde, Harry Styles, Shia, Florence, and that Ted Lasso guy.
  7. A Jazzman’s Blues — Has Tyler Perry finally made a good film?  We’ll find out soon.
  8. The Venice and Toronto Film Festivals — The Venice festival has just begun.  Toronto will start next week.  And the Oscar picture will suddenly become much clearer.
  9. The Return of Ghosts — The second season of Ghosts begins on the 29th!
  10. The End of Big Brother — This season hasn’t been as bad as other seasons but it’s still getting a bit exhausting and I’m glad that it will be wrapping itself up in another few weeks.  I’m also looking forward to the end of The Bachelorettes but I have to admit that the show pretty much ended for me the minute that Meatball didn’t get a rose.
  11. New Seasons of Survivor and The Amazing Race — Yay!
  12. Retro Television Reviews — This is a new feature here at TSL.  I’ll be launching it tonight, around 5:30 central time.  Keep an eye out!

What are you looking forward to in September?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/21/22 — 8/27/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Again, this week was mostly about getting ready for October.  Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Once again, Rene was mistaken for dead.  He even attended his own funeral, while disguised as Officer Crabtree.  Crabtree, of course, retired to Madame Fanny’s old bedroom, which led to all sorts of chaos when Fanny showed up.  It was, needless to say, a crazy time in Nouvion.

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

Hometown dates!  Who cares?  Meatball’s not on the show anymore.  Gabby appears to be heading for another heartbreak while Rachel just can’t catch a break.  First, hardly any of the men wanted to date her.  Then, Tino’s family decided that they all hated her.  This is a messy season and it’s hard not to feel that it’s not going to end well for either one of the Bachelorettes.  Next week’s Men Tell All should be interesting and hopefully, Meatball will make a case for why he should be be the next Bachelor.

Big Brother (Everyday, CBS and Paramount+)

I’ve been writing about this season over at the Big Brother Blog! This season was going well until production came up with one of the worst twists in the history of the show.  Jasmine and Joseph are both gone.  Jasmine lost her fake limp and her fake accent when she was evicted.  For all the excitement over the Leftovers building a strong and positive alliance, it now appears that the show could very well be won by yet another unlikable showmance.  Do these words make sense to anyone who doesn’t watch Big Brother?

The Challenge (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Bye, Leo.  I’m still predicting a Tyson victory.

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

The first of Sunday’s episodes found DJ requesting that she finally be given a room of her own, which was a totally justifiable request considering how much older she was than her sisters and that Michelle, for some reason, had an entire room to herself while DJ was expected to share with Stephanie.  While DJ prepared to move and Stephanie dealt with feeling rejected, Becky and Jesse went to childbirth class, which was being held in the living room for some reason.  Becky got mad at Jesse because Jesse was being insensitive and talking about Elvis.  I assume they resolved the issue.  The second episode featured Danny freaking out because DJ was growing up and getting interested in boys and asking him to respect her privacy.  They worked it out.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

On the episode that I watched on Tuesday, David Soul played the murder victim.  Hathaway solved the mystery while Lewis dealt with a toothache.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (Hulu)

On Wednesday, I watched “Conscience,” an episode from season 6 of NBC’s long-running legal show.  Kyle MacLachlan gave an intense performance as a man on trial for shooting and killing the 13 year-old who had previously murdered his son.  It was a good episode, thought-provoking and well-written.  It was an example of what the Law & Order franchise used to be like.

On Saturday, I watched a second episode from season 6.  In “Doubt,” Benson and Stabler found themselves dealing with a case in which a woman accused her teacher of raping her.  The teacher insisted it was consensual rough sex.  The episode ended before the verdict was read, leaving it to the audience to try to decide who was telling the truth.

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount+)

This week’s episode started with Butt-Head getting prescribed a new, grape-flavored medication that caused him to become so nice that Beavis freaked out.  Perhaps the funniest part of this segment was Butt-Head asking Mr. Van Driessen to lunch and then listening attentively while Van Driessen talk about the teacher’s union.  The second part of the episode featured the return of Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head, who provided us with a look at a universe where Beavis and Butt-Head were middle-aged.  Butt-Head was obese and could barely walk.  Beavis was an alcoholic with broken teeth.  It was realistic and kind of depressing.  However, it’s always nice to Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head.  “Very droll, yes.”

Night Flight (NightFlight+)

This was apparently an old 80s TV show that used to run on the USA network and which took a look at entertainment news.  I watched two episodes on Friday, largely as historical research.  The first episode dealt with the 1986 Academy Awards and featured a lot clips from the nominees.  The second episode was from 1984 and it dealt with music videos that had been deemed too violent to be aired on MTV.  The second episode was fun because it claimed to be a serious look at music video violence but instead, that was just an excuse to show the videos.  Cecil B. DeMille would be proud.

The Office (Weekday Nights, FaveTV)

I discovered two things this week.  Number one, I discovered that there’s a station called FaveTV.  Number two, I discovered that they air The Office late at night and early in the morning.  I watched two episodes on Wednesday night and Thursday morning.  The first featured Michael and Dwight hanging out with Ryan in New York City.  Ryan attempted to talk to them about his drug use.  Michael started talking about how he couldn’t understand The Wire.  Dwight sang an Amish lullaby.  The second was the classic episode in which Stanley demanded to know, “Did I stutter!?”  This is one of my favorite episodes, both because of the final conversation between Stanley and Michael and for the B-plot of Pam forgetting her contacts.  I could relate.  Even though I can watch these episodes anytime I want on Peacock and I own the entire series on DVD, it was still kind of fun to watch it on an ordinary channel.  It made me feel nostalgic for the day before instant gratification.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Arkwright continued to cheat his customers while Granville wondered if there was anything more to life beyond being an indentured servant.

Scenes I Love: Have a Happy Day With The Brady Bunch

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I came across this on YouTube yesterday.  I’m not really a fan of either Happy Days or The Brady Bunch but put them together and you have …. well, you have this performance from The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.

This is somehow so bad that it actually becomes brilliant.  And what a great way to begin the week!  These days are ours!

A few things that I noticed about this video:

Supposedly, of all the Bradys, Robert Reed was the most enthusiastic about doing the Variety Show because he always wanted to be on Broadway and this was his chance to sing and dance.  Unfortunately, Reed had no experience with either singing or dancing and it’s kind of obvious.  But, at the same time, it’s kind of sweet how much he throws himself into it.  Plus, he keeps looking at Florence Henderson for encouragement.  It makes for a nice moment.

Speaking of trying really hard, Barry Williams was apparently told that he would be the star of the show and that it would help him launch his musical career.  It didn’t work, of course.  That said, he and Maureen McCormick always seem to really throw themselves into the song.  They’re trying really hard.  Maybe a little too hard, to be honest.  Fake Jan, on the other hand, could really sing and dance.

Finally, Alice appears to be a little …. off.  Supposedly, Ann B. Davis was pretty much retired and spending all of her time working as a church secretary when she was contacted about the show.  She wasn’t particularly enthused about it but she did it as a favor to “the kids.”  My first reaction, when I saw this video, was to assume that she was drugged up before going on stage but, on second viewing, it just seems like she’s trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Happy days indeed, I guess.