Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

Posted on August 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the curse of Lawrence continues.

Episode 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on October 29th, 1983)

Tori Spelling is in this episode. She was only ten years old at the time but she was already a terrible actress. In the role of Laurie, a poor little rich girl whose fantasy is to ask God why her parents died in a crash, Spelling gives a performance that is overly cutesy. There’s nothing authentic about her or her delivery. Her role on the show was obviously a result of her father being the producer.

Laurie doesn’t find God. (At first, she assumes Roarke is God but he assures her that he is not, despite the fact that he has God-like powers. Ricardo Montalban, for his part, said that he always felt that Roarke was a fallen angel who was doing penance on Fantasy Island.) Laurie does however find Adam Cobb (George Kennedy), a former circus clown-turned-alcoholic who briefly pretends to be God. At first, Laurie hates Adam for lying about being God. Then Mr. Roarke explains that Adam’s wife died in a circus fire and that his own daughter was adopted by another family. Laurie feels sorry for him and invites Adam to come live in her mansion with her aunt. Adam considers it but ultimately decides that he needs to instead search for his own daughter. In a rather bizarre turn of events, he dances with Laurie while singing Funny Face to her.

As for Laurie meeting God, Adam suggests that maybe there’s a bit of God in everyone and therefore, we’re all God. Whatever, you hippie.

This storyline was ugh. Like seriously, just ugh. Laurie didn’t get her fantasy. She just met some old alcoholic who spouted a bunch of a Unitarian mumbo jumbo at her. As for Adam leaving the Island to find his own daughter …. well, did he? This episode doesn’t tell us. How exactly is he going to find her? Does she want anything to do with him? How was the penniless Adam able to afford a trip to Fantasy Island in the first place?

AND WHERE THE HELL IS TATTOO!?

Meanwhile, Milton Berle played an old comedian who wanted his former partners (Imogene Coca and Howard Morris) to forgive him so that they could perform together one last time. This storyline felt very familiar and it featured a lot of singing. Even Mr. Roarke sang a song. It’s actually kind of strange how many songs were sung in this episode because this wasn’t a musical episode. This wasn’t like that musical episode of The Love Boat where the songs were evenly distributed across the program. Instead, towards the end of the episode, people just started singing. It was weird.

Speaking of The Love Boat, this episode was directed by Isaac himself, Ted Lange. Lange keeps the action movie but I just wish this episode had been better written. This is another episode where it’s easy to imagine how much better it would have been with Tattoo than with Lawrence. Tattoo would have definitely gotten emotionally involved with Laurie’s search for God. Lawrence, on the other hand, is just a stiff upper lip butler whose main concern is making sure everyone gets their drink order. It’s nothing against Christopher Hewett, who I have read was a good Catholic. It’s just that he’s stuck playing a character who does not belong on the Island.

This was a pretty desultory trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.3 “Nurses Night Out”

Posted on July 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, three nurses are brought to the Island by one grateful benefactor.

Episode 7.3 “Nurses Night Out”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on October 22nd, 1983)

Wealthy George Galloway (Peter Graves) has recently been discharged from the hospital and he wants to give a present to the three nurses that took care of him. He pays for all of them to come to Fantasy Island and experience a fantasy.

Christine Donavon (Joanna Cassidy) wants the capable but abrasive Dr. Mark Reed (Monte Markham) to experience what it’s like to be a patient so that he might understand what it’s like having to deal with the uncertainty of being in a hospital. However, Christine comes to discover that Dr. Reed isn’t that bad and Dr. Reed comes to realize that perhaps he could be a bit kinder. Love is in the air!

Tracy Freemont (Pat Klous) wants to hook up with quarterback Crash McGowan (Brodie Greer, who I’m also currently watching as Officer Barizca on CHiPs). Crash was a patient at the hospital and Tracy was his night nurse. Crash likes Tracy but, as he explains it to Mr. Roarke, he’s currently under a lot of pressure to win football game and, as a result, he’s impotent. Maybe Crash should just ask for a fantasy where he’s not impotent for the weekend. Fear not, things work out. Love is in the air!

At first, Alice Green (Eleanor Parker) just wants to spend her time on the Island doing nothing. That’s her fantasy. Lawrence may think that an odd fantasy but I actually understand Alice’s point. She’s on vacation. Why should she have to do anything? However, when Alice discovers that George is her benefactor, she decides she does have a fantasy. She wants to tell George that she loves him. George’s fantasy is for Alice to love him. Hey, that works out! The only problem is that George only has three months to live! Love is in the air …. but for how long!?

This episode wasn’t that bad, especially when compared to the previous two episodes. I like Peter Graves and I liked the three nurses and I was happy that they all ultimately found love on the Island. Admittedly, Tracy and Christine’s fantasies didn’t do much for me. But the Peter Graves/Eleanor Parker fantasy was nicely done and I appreciated the fact that the show didn’t come up with some miracle cure for George’s terminal illness. Instead, with the gentle encouragement of Mr. Roarke, George and Alice decided to make the best of the time they had left. Good work, Mr. Roarke!

Tattoo is very much missed but this was still a good trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the tyranny of Laurence continues.

Episode 7.2 “The Big Switch/Hooker’s Holiday”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 15th, 1983)

Shelley James (Melinda Culea) is a high-priced call girl who comes to Fantasy Island looking for an escape from her life. For one weekend, she wants not only a normal life but also a chance to meet a man who will love her without paying her for sex. Luckily, Brad Jacobs (Richard Hatch) is also on the Island!

This is the type of fantasy that Fantasy Island handled well in the past. It doesn’t work out quite as well this episode became Mr. Roarke’s new servant (there’s no other word for him), Laurence, makes some rather snarky and judgmental comments about Shelly and her profession (asking at one point whether she’s on the Island for a fantasy or to give someone a fantasy) and it just feels totally wrong. One of the good things about Fantasy Island was that Roarke never judged the people asking for fantasies. He may have warned them about what they would discover. Sometimes, he manipulated them to help them discover something important about themselves. But once you were allowed to come to the Island, Roarke didn’t judge you and neither did Tattoo. In fact, Tattoo was probably even less judgmental than Roarke. Tattoo knew what it was like to be judged. Laurence, on the other hand, is a snooty British butler and seems personally offended by Shelley’s presence on the Island. (Eventually, after she shares her tragic backstory, he comes around but still, it shouldn’t take a sad story to get people to treat each other with decency.) Laurence is the type of employee who would keep me from wanting to visit the Island. I fear he would tell me that my skirt was too short or something.

As for the other fantasy, Laura Walter (Katharine Helmond) feels that her husband George Walter (Vic Tayback) is a chauvinist and she’s right. She wants him to experience what it’s like to be a woman so Roarke arranges for them to switch bodies. Laura is in George’s body and George is in Laura’s body but for some reason, the show dubs their voices so, whenever George speaks, we hear Laura’s voice and whenever Laura speaks, we hear George’s voice. It’s a bit awkward. Why would their voice switch too? Anyway, Laura discovers that women tend to toss themselves at George and George discovers that his business partner is a lech.

It’s the final season and final seasons often feel uninspired. That was certainly the case with this episode. Even the reliable Ricardo Montalban seemed bored with it all. In the end, it’s just not as much fun without Herve Villechaize around.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”

Posted on July 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, we start the seventh and final season.

Episode 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 8th, 1983)

The first episode of the seventh season finds Mr. Roarke handling two fantasies.

Widow Margaret Smith (Juliet Prowse) comes to Fantasy Island, hoping to meet the man of her dreams. However, when she does, it turns out that he’s the ex-boyfriend of her daughter, Ginny (Jamie Rose)! Can Margaret find love without hurting her daughter? Or is her love destined to remain forbdden….

Meanwhile, Deborah Barnes (Stephanie Faracy) wants to make her boyfriend jealous so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to meet a man on the Island. But when the man is suddenly unavailable, Mr. Roarke gallantly steps into his place. That’s nice of him. It shows how far Mr. Roarke will go to make the fantasies of his guests come true. Except — uh-oh! — now Deborah’s in love with Mr. Roarke! What can Mr. Roarke do to let Deborah down easily and repair her confidence?

Wow! That’s a lot of drama for one weekend! I wonder what Tattoo has to say…?

Tattoo? Are you there?

OH MY GOD, WHERE IS TATTOO!?

Tattoo is gone, replaced by a butler named Lawrence (Christopher Hewett) who is so heavy-set that he can’t even climb the stairs to ring the bell when the plane shows up over the island. Instead, he looks up at the sky and then pushes a remote button that makes the bell ring. That’s …. just lame. Over the past few years, I have resisted making “Da plane! Da plane!” jokes but seriously, it doesn’t feel right for the show not to start to those words.

What’s especially upsetting is that no one on the show mentions Tattoo. Roarke doesn’t mention why Tattoo is no longer on the Island. Instead, he acts as if Lawrence has always been his assistant. I mean, I understand that Herve Villechaize did not leave under the happiest of circumstances but it just feels cruel not to give Tattoo a proper send-off. Tattoo was a huge part of the show. His interactions with Mr. Roarke were the most consistently entertaining things about Fantasy Island. And now, he’s gone and the show refuses to even acknowledge that he was ever there.

As for Lawrence, he’s a butler. I don’t know how the season played out but, in the first episode, it was pretty clear that Lawrence was the hired help. (Tattoo, at the very least, always seemed to be on nearly equal footing as Roarke.) Lawrence calls Mr. Roarke “sir” and it just doesn’t feel right. Instead of being equals, they are very much employer and employee.

The fantasies are okay. I liked watching Roarke trying to make Deborah fall out of love with. But the addition of Lawrence felt so wrong and really distracting. It doesn’t bode well for the rest of season 7.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”

Posted on July 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the sixth season of Fantasy Island comes to a close and so does Tattoo’s time on the show.

Episode 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on May 14th, 1983)

This is it. This is not only the finale of season 6 but it’s also the final episode to feature Tattoo as Mr. Roarke’s assistant.

Why did Herve Villechaize leave Fantasy Island after the end of the sixth season? The story that you always hear is that Villechaize wanted more money to continue working on the show. He felt that he deserved to be paid as much as Ricardo Montalban. The show’s producers disagreed. To them, Montalban was not only the star of the show but also someone who has just appeared in a hit movie, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. They felt that they could keep the show going without Villechaize and …. well, it turns out they were totally and completely wrong about that.

I have not seen much of the seventh season, in which Villechaize was replaced by Christopher Hewett. And, due to the vagaries of my DVR, there’s a lot of season 7 that I won’t be able to review. What I do know is that the show went from being #39 to bring ranked #47 in the ratings after Villechaize left. Obviously, being the 39th ranked show was nothing to brag about but it was still a helluva lot better than #47. Villechaize left and a lot of the audience left with him.

I’ve made a lot of jokes about Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship. Especially during the early seasons, Roarke and Tattoo sometimes did seem to be friendly rivals. (That was when Roarke was a far more enigmatic fellow and Tattoo always seemed to be trying to figure out a way to make some extra money on Fantasy Island.) Remember when Tattoo ran against Mr. Roarke in an Island election? That said, Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship really was the heart of the series. The fantasies themselves were often forgettable. How many times can you get excited about seeing a member of the Brady Bunch as a guest star? The thing that people really remember about Fantasy Island is the relationship between Roarke and Tattoo. Regardless of what went on behind the scenes, Montalban and Villechazie had a good on-camera chemistry. It was fun to watch them interact. I always enjoyed the episodes that allowed Villechaize to reveal Tattoo’s sensitive side. (In real life, Villechaize was an advocate for abused children, often taking the time to personally visit with children who had been rescued from abusive households.)

This is all my long-winded way of saying that they should have just agreed to pay Herve Villechaize more money.

At the very least, they should have given him a proper goodbye episode. The sixth season ends with a rather basic episode, with no mention made of Tattoo leaving or even thinking of leaving. Instead, we get Maureen McCormick going to a mysterious mansion to rescue her old sister (Britt Ekland) from an abusive man (played by Peter Mark Richman). And then we get Bob Denver and Paul Kreppel as two wannabe womanizers who end up in prehistoric times, trying to romance a cavewoman while dealing with dinosaurs. The dinosaur effects were cheap but likable but they were also the only thing that really made either of their fantasies stand-out.

And so, season 6 ends, not with a bang but a whimper. Tattoo waves goodbye one last time. I’m going to miss him.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.21 “Remember When….”

Posted on July 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week …. oh no!

Episode 6.21 “Remember When”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on May 7th, 1983)

After crashing his little car, Tattoo ends up in the Fantasy Island hospital. Roarke cancels all of the weekend’s fantasies so that he can stay by Tattoo’s side and keep Tattoo cheerful until it’s time for him to have life-saving surgery. Roarke and Tattoo share memories and …. YEP, IT’S A CLIP SHOW!

Actually, for a clip show, it’s not that bad. Yes, there’s a lot of awkward dialogue. “Boss, remember that time Mickey Gilley opened up his place?” That said, the clips are well-selected and they all feature Herve Villechaize at his best, turning this episode into a Tattoo tribute. At the end of the episode, Tattoo says that he’s never going to leave Fantasy Island. Which …. well, we’ll get to season 7 in a few weeks.

Anyway, clip shows are pretty much impossible to review. Let’s just be happy that Tattoo pulls through. That accident looked serious!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.20 “What’s The Matter With Kids/Island of Horror”

Posted on June 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s zombie time!

Episode 6.20 “What’s The Matter With Kids/Island of Horror”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on April 16th, 1983)

Dr. Stuart Wharton (Steve Allen) is a tightass stick-in-the-mud who has come to Fantasy Island to give a lecture on how to raise the perfect child. His wife, Margaret (Jayne Meadows Allen), is sick of Dr. Wharton telling people how to live their lives and basically threatens to leave his condescending ass if he doesn’t allow her to adopt Andy (Justin Henry), who is not perfect but who is still better than any of the imaginary perfect children that Dr. Wharton has written and lectured about. This fantasy was predictable and kind of boring. Jayne Meadows Allen actually wrote the script so it’s interesting that the whole fantasy is basically her telling off her husband and accusing him of being a pompous jackass.

There is one interesting scene where Mr. Roarke talks about Stuart’s idea of the perfect child and the kid suddenly appears out of thin air. Mr. Roarke also makes the kid disappear. Mr. Roarke is all-powerful!

(So, you may be wondering, why Roarke doesn’t just use his God-like powers in every episode? I think he wants his guests to sometimes lean a lesson on their own. I always hate it when people try to make me learn something. Sorry, Roarke.)

Meanwhile Erica Nelson (Gayle Hunnicutt) goes to a neighboring island in search of her missing fiancé, Dr. Richard Yates (Christopher Connelly). Uh-oh! The Island’s controlled by a mad scientist named Dr. Christophe (Jared Martin)! And Dr. Christophe is into voodoo!

That’s right, there are zombies all over the place! And one of the zombies is Erica’s husband! Fortunately, it turns out that zombification is not a permanent condition and Erica is eventually able to cure her husband while the remaining zombies descend upon Dr. Christophe.

I liked this fantasy. The island was atmospheric and, by Fantasy Island standards, the zombies were actually pretty effective. The scene of them rising from their graves was surprisingly well-done and I also appreciated that Jared Martin totally embraced the melodrama in the role of Dr. Christophe. This fantasy also featured a great moment where Roarke appeared on the Island to inform Erica that the zombies were coming and then he promptly vanished. I love it when Roarke does that

(Of course, I don’t think that Erica was ever in any real danger. I mean, this episode established that Roarke can conjure people out of thin air. I’m sure he could have just snapped his fingers and made all the zombies vanish. But, in typical Roarke fashion, he wanted Erica to learn a lesson.)

The orphan fantasy was annoying but I like zombies! This was a good trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.19 “Edward/Extraordinary Miss Jones”

Posted on June 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Sammy Davis Jr. comes to Fantasy Island.

That’s be cool, right?

Episode 6.19 “Edward/Extraordinary Miss Jones”

(Dir by Don Ingalls, originally aired on April 9th, 1983)

Or, it would have been cool if my DVR had actually recorded this episode!

Sorry, it’s the curse of the DVR. This is one of the episodes that my DVR did not record. I’m not sure if it’s a case of the episode not being aired or perhaps the cable itself was out when it should have been recording but, for whatever reason, I do not have this episode and I also don’t remember having watched it in the past.

For now, I can’t review it. But I’m going to leave this here as a placeholder, in case the show ever starts streaming again.

Again, I regret not being able to review this episode at this time. But, as Mr. Roarke always says, “Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”

Posted on June 10, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to go back to the Island. Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 19th, 1983)

I had mixed feelings about this episode.

On the one hand, we do learn a little bit about Tattoo’s past in this episode. We discover that he lived in Paris before coming to Fantasy Island and becoming Roarke’s assistant and we learn that he may have been a taxi driver. At one point, his life was saved by a woman named Susan Henderson (Georgia Engel). To repay her, Tattoo arranges for Susan to come to the Island so that she can pursue her fantasy of getting concert pianist Carter Ransome (Bernie Kopell — who I love on The Love Boat but who is just plain miscast here) to fall in love with her. Even though Roarke says it will only be for the weekend, Susan is okay with that. Of course, things get complicated. Roarke also asks Tattoo how he plans to pay for the fantasy. Since when does Roarke care about money? Seriously, after all of the free fantasies that he’s handed out!? Give Tattoo a break, Roarke!

On the other hand, this fantasy featured Georgia Engel. Georgia Engel was an actress who specialized in playing very nice women who rarely spoke above a whisper. Ever since I’ve started doing these retro television reviews, I’ve watched countless episodes featuring Georgia Engel as quirky women who refuse to speak above a whisper. At first, it didn’t bother me. Then I watched Jennifer Slept Here, a short-lived sitcom co-starring Georgia Engel. It was while watching Jennifer Slept Here that I found myself yelling, “SPEAK UP!” whenever Georgia Engel appeared onscreen.

I feel bad because Georgia Engel, in every role that I’ve seen her play, came across as being a genuinely kind soul but the whispering thing …. oh my God, it just annoys the Hell out of me. And that was certainly the case with this episode. It was nice to learn more about Tattoo’s life and I’m glad that everyone found love but I’m sick of having to strain to understand or even hear the dialogue whenever Georgia Engel guest stars on one of these shows.

The other fantasy, I liked a bit more. Carl Peters (Dean Butler) comes to Fantasy Island to meet a woman who has loved for afar, Hallie Miller (Crystal Bernard). It turns out that Hallie lives on a village on the other side of the Island. Roarke warns that it’s a weird village that’s never gotten over the execution of a witch several centuries earlier. At first, I was like, “Since when is there a town on the other side of the Island?” but then I remembered that, during the first season, there was a whole fantasy that took place in fishing village that happened to be on the Island. Anyway, this fantasy is supernatural-themed and I always like it when Fantasy Island embraces its supernatural origins.

It was an uneven trip to the Island this week but what can I say? I like island trips!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.17 “King of Burlesque/Death Games”

Posted on May 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Smiles, everyone, smiles!” It’s time for another two fantasies.

Episode 6.17 “King of Burlesque/Death Games”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 12th, 1983)

I’m going to deal with the first of this week’s fantasies very quickly because, quite frankly, it’s not every interesting. Rich Little is Tom Vail, a wall street accountant who wants to be a burlesque comedian. He gets his fantasy. He performs at the Fantasy Island Burlesque Revival. He wears a hideous suit with a big bowtie. He falls in love with a dancer. The always likable Red Buttons appears as a Burlesque veteran. It’s not a bad fantasy but it’s not terribly interesting.

Meanwhile, Vanessa Walgren (Joanna Pettet) has come to the Island to compete in the “First Annual Fantasy Island Pentathlon.” However, Mr. Roarke knows that she’s there for another reason. She wants to kill him! A year ago, Vanessa’s husband was lost at sea while on his own fantasy. (He wanted to retrace the route of the Kon Tiki.) Vanessa blames Roarke and she’s put a bounty on his head. Roarke sighs and says, “Fine, but if you don’t kill me by the end of the weekend, you have to leave the Island and never bother me again.” Vanessa agrees….

WHAT!? What type of vengeance is that!? Seriously, if you’re obsessed with vengeance, you don’t just shrug and accept an arbitrary rule from the person you’re trying to kill.

Anyway, Roarke is the judge for the Pentathlon so he’s got various athletes trying to kill him over the course of the entire weekend. He even gets cut during a fencing match! (“If you can bleed, you can die!” Vanessa declares in a wonderfully over-the-top moment.) Whenever anyone fails to kill him, Roarke says, “Get off my Island!,” which is rally cool. Tattoo wonders why Roarke is allowing this to happen. Why doesn’t Roarke order Vanessa to get off the Island. Roarke is all like, “I can’t tell you, just trust me.” The final event is a skydiving competition and I’m not really sure how you compete at that but whatever. Despite Vanessa’s efforts to sabotage his parachute, Roarke lands safely.

Vanessa then offers him two glasses of wine. One glass is poisoned! Can Roarke pick the right glass? Roarke is like, “Screw this,” and finally reveals that Vanessa’s husband is not dead. Instead, he’s a secret agent who had to fake his own death but who is now ready to be reunited with Vanessa….

Again, WHAT!? Seriously, that came out of nowhere.

Reunited with her husband, Vanessa apologizes for trying to murder Roarke. Roarke says it’s fine because Mr. Roarke is very forgiving.

The burlesque fantasy was boring (loved the costumes, though!) but the revenge fantasy made up for it. I love it when Fantasy Island embraces the melodrama. Plus, this fantasy actually gave Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize quite a bit to do. All in all, this was a good trip to the Island!