Tag Archives: review

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.7 “Entrapment”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Peter’s in trouble …. again!

Episode 2.7 “Entrapment”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on December 7th, 1983)

Oh, that Peter White!  Always in trouble for something!

This week, a woman comes into the Emergency Room with her baby and begs for some Seconal, just to help her get some sleep.  Peter says that Seconal might be too powerful a drug but he’s moved by the woman’s pleas.  Finally, he gives her the drugs.  The next morning, Dr. Craig and Dr. Westphall get a call.  The woman was an undercover cop and now, Dr. White — a recovering drug addict himself — is under investigation.

Both Dr. Craig and Dr. Auschlander think that the solution is to just kick Peter out of the hospital.  Westphall disagrees, saying that Peter has come a long way since he completed rehab.  Westphall promises Peter that he and Auschlander will support him when his hearing comes up.

As for Dr. Craig, he finally found out that his secret admirer was Kathy Martin.  This led to Ellen Craig (played by Bonnie Bartlett, William Daniels’s real-life wife) heading down to the morgue and politely telling Kathy to stay away from her man before then mentioning that, if politeness hadn’t worked, she was prepared to beat Kathy up.  I love Ellen.  She’s one of the best characters on the show.

Meanwhile, Irish kid Eddie Carson (Eric Stoltz), who was admitted to the hospital last week, is upset because he’s going to have a big ugly scar on his face.  He’ll probably be even more upset when he discovers that a rival Irish teenager (a protestant, naturally) planted a bomb in his family’s restaurant and blew up his parents.

This was an okay episode.  The highlight was definitely Ellen confronting Kathy Martin.  As for the other storylines, Eddie Carson’s story felt a bit contrived while Peter White’s story was just getting started.  I assume the hearing will be next week.  It’s interesting to see Peter as the victim for once.  Usually, it’s his own stupidity that screws things up for him.  This week, he really was unfairly targeted.

We’ll see what happens next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, it’s Halloween!

Episode 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 28th, 1987)

This was a cute episode and one that I had actually seen before.  My friend Mark recommended it to me three years ago, during an October in which I was looking for a little something to add to Horrorthon.

The Devil (Michael Berryman) makes his second appearance on the show, this time selling Mark a submarine sandwich on Halloween night.  Mark eats the sandwich while watching I Was A Teenage Werewolf on television.  (“Hey, this guy kind of looks like you!” he tells Jonathan.  Michael Landon, of course, starred in I Was A Teenage Werewolf.)  Mark is then haunted by nightmares in which Jonathan turns into a werewolf.  (And yes, Landon is made up to look like he did in the film.)

Meanwhile, in the waking world, Jonathan helps a lost trick-or-treater go home and he briefly turns into a werewolf so that he can scare the kid’s mean older sister.  I’m not really sure what the rules were about angels pulling Halloween pranks but it should be noted that Jonathan is actually a fairly nice werewolf and he allows the kid to be a hero by pretending to be scared of him.

The episode ends with Mark once again yelling in fear as Jonathan turns into a werewolf, just for Michael Landon to look straight at the camera, break character, and say, “Happy Halloween.”

Awwww, what a sweet episode!

After a few weak and heavy-handed episodes, it was nice to see Highway to Heaven return to its earnest roots.  This was a likable episode, one that showed that Landon was willing to laugh at himself and one that, to me, seemed to indicate a genuine love for the Halloween holidau.  This was a fun 60 minutes and watching it has left me even more eager about the approaching horrorthon season.

Made-For-TV Movie Review: The Cartier Affair (dir by Rod Holcomb)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1984’s The Cartier Affair, David Hasselhoff plays Curt Taylor.  He has spent the last few years in prison, having been convicted of selling deeds to fake oil wells.  He has passed the time by watching a soap opera that stars actress Cartier Rand (Joan Collins).  He has also managed to get in debt to the local prison mob boss, Phil Drexler (Telly Savalas).

When Curt learns that he’s being released from prison, Drexler informs him that he’s still expected to find a way to pay off his debt.  On the outside, Curt discovers that even his parole officer (Ed Lauter) works for Drexler!  Curt is assigned to become the private secretary of Cartier Rand and to steal her jewelry.  In order to get the job, Curt has to pretend to be gay.  That’s the only way that Cartier’s boyfriend (Charles Napier) would be willing to accept the idea of a male private secretary.

(Wouldn’t it just be simpler for Curt to rob a bank or something?)

Once he’s a part of the household staff, Curt discovers that Cartier is more than just the star of his favorite soap opera.  She’s someone who is tired of reciting melodramatic dialogue and kissing her co-stars.  She has serious ambitions.  Curt is immediately attracted to her and soon, Cartier is attracted to Curt.  But, of course, Curt is pretending to be gay and, to his horror, Cartier sets Curt up with one of her gay friends.

Meanwhile, the bad guys want their money….

The first half of the film is taken up by scenes of people mistaking Curt for being gay and there are more than a few moments and jokes that a film wouldn’t be allowed to get away with today.  A scene where Curt finds himself in a gay bar is cringey because, rather than asking us to laugh at Curt for panicking about finding himself in the rather innocuous location, the film asks us to instead laugh at the sight of men slow-dancing with other men.  Early on in the film, there’s a few scene where Hasselhoff overplays his attempts to come across as being gay.  Fortunately, Hasselhoff soon stops doing that and his performance improves as the film goes on.

The film gets slightly better during the second half, when Cartier learns the truth about Curt and the two of them somewhat implausibly go on the run from the bad guys.  They end up getting chased out to the desert, trading one-liners all the way, and I do have to admit that Collins and Hasselhoff displayed a surprising amount of chemistry during those scenes.

The film is tonal mishmash that doesn’t really work.  It tries to parody the type of soap operas that made Cartier Rand a star and it also tries to be a relatively exciting chase film but it keeps getting bogged down in plot points that ultimately feel rather superfluous.  My main issue that, if Drexler really wanted to get him money from Curt, it seems like he would have come up with a less complicated scheme, like robbing a bank or fencing stolen goods or something like that.  Instead, Curt is supposed to go undercover, pretend to be gay, and rob one of the most famous women on the planet.  I mean, Hell, he could have just broken into a jewelry store and gotten it all done in one night.  That said, Hasselhoff and Collins have a bit of charm to them.  It’s a shame they didn’t co-star in a better film.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, everyone on the show continues to be absolutely terrible.  Every day, I am thankful that there are only a handful of episodes left.

Episode 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 22nd, 2000)

This week’s episode of Malibu, CA was perhaps the worst 22 minutes of television that I have ever watched.  Not surprisingly, the episode focused on Lisa (the character, not me).

Lisa wants to be a doctor.  She’s just received an ER internship.  But when Scott cuts his finger, she sees the blood and faints.  When she shows up at the ER, she gets overwhelmed by all the patients and runs around in a panic saying things like, “You could have flesh-eating bacteria!”  The ER doctor tells Lisa that she has no business in the medical field.

And he’s absolutely right.  If you can’t handle the sight of blood, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  If you can’t check someone into the ER without telling them that they might have flesh-eating bacteria, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  That’s just common sense.  Being a doctor is an important job.  You don’t get a second chance to not kill someone.

And yet we’re supposed to feel bad for Lisa as she worries about never becoming a doctor, even though it’s her own fault for telling a patient with sunburn that he has flesh-eating bacteria.  Lisa’s reaction to what appears to be a rather small cut on Scott’s finger is so over-the-top that it should automatically be disqualifying as far as becoming a doctor is concerned. Being a woman means dealing with blood on a regular basis and I’m talking about a lot more blood then you’re going to get from cutting a finger.  Lisa (the character, not me) is an unforgivable wimp.

And yet she is given a second chance, after someone injures themselves while surfing and Lisa tells everyone not to move his head.  The doctor at the ER theorizes that Lisa only freaked out about the blood because of how much she loves Scott.  “That why most doctors don’t treat their own family members!” he explains.  Lisa was so worried about freaking out over the blood that she got overwhelmed during her first night at the ER and …. LISTEN, I DON’T WANT A DOCTOR WHO GETS OVERWHELMED!  I don’t care what the excuse is.  I don’t want an incompetent doctor!

Let’s move on.  The B-plot was yet another plot where something good happens to Traycee and her stupid friends ruin it for her.  Traycee runs into a record promoter on the beach and he automatically gives her a recording contract.  She sings one of Jason’s songs.  The music video is filmed overnight but, when Jason, Tracyee, and Alex watch the video, Jason and Alex realize that another singer has been dubbed over Traycee’s vocals.

Jason is offended.  It’s goes against his …. his what?  Up until now, Jason has been portrayed as a compulsive liar who only cares about money.  Now, suddenly, he cares about integrity?  Anyway, after Jason tells her, Traycee is also offended and she refuses to continue working with the promoter.  I assume that means Traycee will now be sued for several million dollars.  Way to go, Jason!

God, I hate this show.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.1 “By The Bulls”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

For a few years now, first Prime and now Tubi have been recommending that I watch a sitcom called 1st & Ten.

My initial reaction, upon looking the show up online and discovering that it was about a football team that was owned by a woman and coached (from the second season on) by OJ Simpson, was to say, “Why would I want to watch this?”  And, to be honest, that’s still kind of my reaction.  Football is not my thing.  The only thing that is less my thing than football is soccer.

(“But in the rest of the world, soccer is called….”  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I don’t care.)

But then I read on and discovered that this is actually a historically significant show in that it was HBO’s first attempt to produce an original sitcom.  It was later sold into syndication, with all of the cursing and nudity edited out.  (Apparently, most of the episodes that are currently on Tubi are the edited syndication versions.)  That piqued my interest.  I may not care about football but I love historical footnotes.

So, without further ado, let’s get things started.

Episode 1.1 “By The Bulls”

(Dir by Rod Daniel, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)

The show begins as wealthy Diane Barrow (Delta Burke) comes home to her mansion and discovers her husband, naked in their bedroom with another man.  “This is Ty Tylor,” her husband says, “he’s a tight end.”

“I bet he is!” Diane replies.

Later, while talking to her divorce lawyer (Earl Boen), Diane announces, “I want his Bulls!”

“You want his….?” the lawyer replies, glancing down at his crotch.

No, Diane doesn’t want his balls  She wants the Los Angeles Bulls, the football team that he owns.  When the lawyer replies that Diane’s husband loves the Bulls, Diane announces that if she doesn’t get the football team, she’ll let the world know that her husband’s gay.

(It’s the 1980s, folks.)

Diane gets the Bulls and she also gets a lot of attention due to being apparently the only woman to ever own a football team.  Everyone doubts her but Diane is determined to prove herself.  However, her sniveling general manager (and her husband’s nephew), Roger Barrow (Clayton Landey), tries to end her ownership before the season even begins by planting cocaine in her mansion,  His plan is that, during the pre-season party, one of the players will snort the cocaine and …. I don’t know.  I guess he’s hoping some will call the police or something.  It doesn’t seem like much of a plan, to be honest.

Fortunately, veteran Coach Ernie Denardo (Reid Scott) hears about the plan from a friend of his so he rushes over to the party and gets rid of the cocaine, though not before letting Diane know that she has powerful enemies.  That was nice of him since Diane previously fired him for being incompetent.  Needless to say, Denardo gets his job back.

And that’s it!  We did get to see a few snippets of the players, who all seem to be wild and wacky.  Carl Witherspoon (Sam Scarber) shows up at the party with his lawyer and demands a lot of money.  Another player, Kyle Brody (Robert Logan), tries to hit on Diane.  I checked with the imdb and this is Logan’s only appearance on the show so I’m not really sure what the point of him being at the party was.  It’s a pilot so I imagine that a lot of the background people in this episode will never be seen again.

Overall, my feeling about the pilot was that it …. well, it sucked.  The humor fell flat.  The acting was terrible.  Delta Burke showed some potential as Diane but I didn’t like how, after demanding, “I want his Bulls!,” Diane suddenly became this passive character who needed Denardo to tell her about the cocaine in her mansion.  But you know what?  It’s always unfair to judge a show by it’s pilot.  The Office, for instance, had a terrible pilot.  In the end, this particular pilot did what it was supposed to do — it introduced us to the main character and it set up the premise of the show.

We’ll see if things get better in the weeks to come.

Song of the Day: Rockstar by Nat and Alex Wolff

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is a song that I first heard when I first watched Palo Alto. 

Ever since then, it’s a song that has randomly popped into my head at certain times, usually whenever I’m possessed by the melancholy spirit that always seems to follow me around this time of year.  It’s a song that always makes me feel better, despite what happened in Palo Alto.