This music video was directed by Eric Richards and not Eric Roberts. I’ve never been more thankful for a decision to double-check before clicking on publish.
Enjoy!
Tag Archives: review
Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, it’s Halloween!
Episode 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 28th, 1987)
This was a cute episode and one that I had actually seen before. My friend Mark recommended it to me three years ago, during an October in which I was looking for a little something to add to Horrorthon.
The Devil (Michael Berryman) makes his second appearance on the show, this time selling Mark a submarine sandwich on Halloween night. Mark eats the sandwich while watching I Was A Teenage Werewolf on television. (“Hey, this guy kind of looks like you!” he tells Jonathan. Michael Landon, of course, starred in I Was A Teenage Werewolf.) Mark is then haunted by nightmares in which Jonathan turns into a werewolf. (And yes, Landon is made up to look like he did in the film.)
Meanwhile, in the waking world, Jonathan helps a lost trick-or-treater go home and he briefly turns into a werewolf so that he can scare the kid’s mean older sister. I’m not really sure what the rules were about angels pulling Halloween pranks but it should be noted that Jonathan is actually a fairly nice werewolf and he allows the kid to be a hero by pretending to be scared of him.
The episode ends with Mark once again yelling in fear as Jonathan turns into a werewolf, just for Michael Landon to look straight at the camera, break character, and say, “Happy Halloween.”
Awwww, what a sweet episode!
After a few weak and heavy-handed episodes, it was nice to see Highway to Heaven return to its earnest roots. This was a likable episode, one that showed that Landon was willing to laugh at himself and one that, to me, seemed to indicate a genuine love for the Halloween holidau. This was a fun 60 minutes and watching it has left me even more eager about the approaching horrorthon season.
Made-For-TV Movie Review: The Cartier Affair (dir by Rod Holcomb)
In 1984’s The Cartier Affair, David Hasselhoff plays Curt Taylor. He has spent the last few years in prison, having been convicted of selling deeds to fake oil wells. He has passed the time by watching a soap opera that stars actress Cartier Rand (Joan Collins). He has also managed to get in debt to the local prison mob boss, Phil Drexler (Telly Savalas).
When Curt learns that he’s being released from prison, Drexler informs him that he’s still expected to find a way to pay off his debt. On the outside, Curt discovers that even his parole officer (Ed Lauter) works for Drexler! Curt is assigned to become the private secretary of Cartier Rand and to steal her jewelry. In order to get the job, Curt has to pretend to be gay. That’s the only way that Cartier’s boyfriend (Charles Napier) would be willing to accept the idea of a male private secretary.
(Wouldn’t it just be simpler for Curt to rob a bank or something?)
Once he’s a part of the household staff, Curt discovers that Cartier is more than just the star of his favorite soap opera. She’s someone who is tired of reciting melodramatic dialogue and kissing her co-stars. She has serious ambitions. Curt is immediately attracted to her and soon, Cartier is attracted to Curt. But, of course, Curt is pretending to be gay and, to his horror, Cartier sets Curt up with one of her gay friends.
Meanwhile, the bad guys want their money….
The first half of the film is taken up by scenes of people mistaking Curt for being gay and there are more than a few moments and jokes that a film wouldn’t be allowed to get away with today. A scene where Curt finds himself in a gay bar is cringey because, rather than asking us to laugh at Curt for panicking about finding himself in the rather innocuous location, the film asks us to instead laugh at the sight of men slow-dancing with other men. Early on in the film, there’s a few scene where Hasselhoff overplays his attempts to come across as being gay. Fortunately, Hasselhoff soon stops doing that and his performance improves as the film goes on.
The film gets slightly better during the second half, when Cartier learns the truth about Curt and the two of them somewhat implausibly go on the run from the bad guys. They end up getting chased out to the desert, trading one-liners all the way, and I do have to admit that Collins and Hasselhoff displayed a surprising amount of chemistry during those scenes.
The film is tonal mishmash that doesn’t really work. It tries to parody the type of soap operas that made Cartier Rand a star and it also tries to be a relatively exciting chase film but it keeps getting bogged down in plot points that ultimately feel rather superfluous. My main issue that, if Drexler really wanted to get him money from Curt, it seems like he would have come up with a less complicated scheme, like robbing a bank or fencing stolen goods or something like that. Instead, Curt is supposed to go undercover, pretend to be gay, and rob one of the most famous women on the planet. I mean, Hell, he could have just broken into a jewelry store and gotten it all done in one night. That said, Hasselhoff and Collins have a bit of charm to them. It’s a shame they didn’t co-star in a better film.
Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.
This week, everyone on the show continues to be absolutely terrible. Every day, I am thankful that there are only a handful of episodes left.
Episode 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 22nd, 2000)
This week’s episode of Malibu, CA was perhaps the worst 22 minutes of television that I have ever watched. Not surprisingly, the episode focused on Lisa (the character, not me).
Lisa wants to be a doctor. She’s just received an ER internship. But when Scott cuts his finger, she sees the blood and faints. When she shows up at the ER, she gets overwhelmed by all the patients and runs around in a panic saying things like, “You could have flesh-eating bacteria!” The ER doctor tells Lisa that she has no business in the medical field.
And he’s absolutely right. If you can’t handle the sight of blood, you shouldn’t be a doctor. If you can’t check someone into the ER without telling them that they might have flesh-eating bacteria, you shouldn’t be a doctor. That’s just common sense. Being a doctor is an important job. You don’t get a second chance to not kill someone.
And yet we’re supposed to feel bad for Lisa as she worries about never becoming a doctor, even though it’s her own fault for telling a patient with sunburn that he has flesh-eating bacteria. Lisa’s reaction to what appears to be a rather small cut on Scott’s finger is so over-the-top that it should automatically be disqualifying as far as becoming a doctor is concerned. Being a woman means dealing with blood on a regular basis and I’m talking about a lot more blood then you’re going to get from cutting a finger. Lisa (the character, not me) is an unforgivable wimp.
And yet she is given a second chance, after someone injures themselves while surfing and Lisa tells everyone not to move his head. The doctor at the ER theorizes that Lisa only freaked out about the blood because of how much she loves Scott. “That why most doctors don’t treat their own family members!” he explains. Lisa was so worried about freaking out over the blood that she got overwhelmed during her first night at the ER and …. LISTEN, I DON’T WANT A DOCTOR WHO GETS OVERWHELMED! I don’t care what the excuse is. I don’t want an incompetent doctor!
Let’s move on. The B-plot was yet another plot where something good happens to Traycee and her stupid friends ruin it for her. Traycee runs into a record promoter on the beach and he automatically gives her a recording contract. She sings one of Jason’s songs. The music video is filmed overnight but, when Jason, Tracyee, and Alex watch the video, Jason and Alex realize that another singer has been dubbed over Traycee’s vocals.
Jason is offended. It’s goes against his …. his what? Up until now, Jason has been portrayed as a compulsive liar who only cares about money. Now, suddenly, he cares about integrity? Anyway, after Jason tells her, Traycee is also offended and she refuses to continue working with the promoter. I assume that means Traycee will now be sued for several million dollars. Way to go, Jason!
God, I hate this show.
Song of the Day: The Passenger, covered by David Hasselhoff
For today’s song of the day, we’ve got David Hasselhoff covering Iggy Pop and appearing to have an existential crisis. Sing it, Hoff!
Music Video Of The Day: Hooked on a Feeling by David Hasselhoff (1997, dir by ????)
Happy birthday, David Hasselhoff!
Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.1 “By The Bulls”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
For a few years now, first Prime and now Tubi have been recommending that I watch a sitcom called 1st & Ten.
My initial reaction, upon looking the show up online and discovering that it was about a football team that was owned by a woman and coached (from the second season on) by OJ Simpson, was to say, “Why would I want to watch this?” And, to be honest, that’s still kind of my reaction. Football is not my thing. The only thing that is less my thing than football is soccer.
(“But in the rest of the world, soccer is called….” Yeah, yeah, I know. I don’t care.)
But then I read on and discovered that this is actually a historically significant show in that it was HBO’s first attempt to produce an original sitcom. It was later sold into syndication, with all of the cursing and nudity edited out. (Apparently, most of the episodes that are currently on Tubi are the edited syndication versions.) That piqued my interest. I may not care about football but I love historical footnotes.
So, without further ado, let’s get things started.
Episode 1.1 “By The Bulls”
(Dir by Rod Daniel, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)
The show begins as wealthy Diane Barrow (Delta Burke) comes home to her mansion and discovers her husband, naked in their bedroom with another man. “This is Ty Tylor,” her husband says, “he’s a tight end.”
“I bet he is!” Diane replies.
Later, while talking to her divorce lawyer (Earl Boen), Diane announces, “I want his Bulls!”
“You want his….?” the lawyer replies, glancing down at his crotch.
No, Diane doesn’t want his balls She wants the Los Angeles Bulls, the football team that he owns. When the lawyer replies that Diane’s husband loves the Bulls, Diane announces that if she doesn’t get the football team, she’ll let the world know that her husband’s gay.
(It’s the 1980s, folks.)
Diane gets the Bulls and she also gets a lot of attention due to being apparently the only woman to ever own a football team. Everyone doubts her but Diane is determined to prove herself. However, her sniveling general manager (and her husband’s nephew), Roger Barrow (Clayton Landey), tries to end her ownership before the season even begins by planting cocaine in her mansion, His plan is that, during the pre-season party, one of the players will snort the cocaine and …. I don’t know. I guess he’s hoping some will call the police or something. It doesn’t seem like much of a plan, to be honest.
Fortunately, veteran Coach Ernie Denardo (Reid Scott) hears about the plan from a friend of his so he rushes over to the party and gets rid of the cocaine, though not before letting Diane know that she has powerful enemies. That was nice of him since Diane previously fired him for being incompetent. Needless to say, Denardo gets his job back.
And that’s it! We did get to see a few snippets of the players, who all seem to be wild and wacky. Carl Witherspoon (Sam Scarber) shows up at the party with his lawyer and demands a lot of money. Another player, Kyle Brody (Robert Logan), tries to hit on Diane. I checked with the imdb and this is Logan’s only appearance on the show so I’m not really sure what the point of him being at the party was. It’s a pilot so I imagine that a lot of the background people in this episode will never be seen again.
Overall, my feeling about the pilot was that it …. well, it sucked. The humor fell flat. The acting was terrible. Delta Burke showed some potential as Diane but I didn’t like how, after demanding, “I want his Bulls!,” Diane suddenly became this passive character who needed Denardo to tell her about the cocaine in her mansion. But you know what? It’s always unfair to judge a show by it’s pilot. The Office, for instance, had a terrible pilot. In the end, this particular pilot did what it was supposed to do — it introduced us to the main character and it set up the premise of the show.
We’ll see if things get better in the weeks to come.
Song of the Day: Rockstar by Nat and Alex Wolff
This is a song that I first heard when I first watched Palo Alto.
Ever since then, it’s a song that has randomly popped into my head at certain times, usually whenever I’m possessed by the melancholy spirit that always seems to follow me around this time of year. It’s a song that always makes me feel better, despite what happened in Palo Alto.
Brad reviews VIGILANTE FORCE (1976), starring Kris Kristofferson and Jan-Michael Vincent!
I’ve been a fan of actor Jan-Michael Vincent for about as long as I can remember. I was a grade schooler in the mid-80’s when AIRWOLF was playing on network TV. I loved the show and Vincent’s character, Stringfellow Hawke. It was also around that time that I began my obsession with Charles Bronson, and Vincent co-starred in the iconic 1972 Bronson film THE MECHANIC (1972). Fox 16 out of Little Rock played the movie often, further cementing my appreciation for his work. And I specifically remember renting his 1980 movie DEFIANCE where his character takes on a ruthless gang in New York. It was my kind of movie, and I still watch it every few years. There’s just something I’ve always liked about Jan-Michael Vincent. July 15th, 2025 would have been his 80th birthday so I decided to watch one of his movies that I’ve never seen, VIGILANTE FORCE from 1976. It was playing on Amazon Prime, so I fired it up for my initial viewing.
In VIGILANTE FORCE, Jan-Michael Vincent plays Ben Arnold, a guy from the small town of Elk Hills, California. It seems that the discovery of oil in the area has brought about a financial boom, but it’s also brought in a lot of rowdy out-of-towners and a surge in violent crime. Ben convinces the local community leaders to allow him to bring in his brother Aaron (Kris Kristofferson), a Vietnam war hero, to help restore order in town. Aaron assembles a group of ex-military types, friends of his, to help the local police restore order in town. Successful in cleaning out the riffraff at first, Aaron and his team of vigilantes eventually become the riffraff and use their law enforcement powers for their own corrupt, get-rich-quick schemes. Realizing that he made a horrible mistake in bringing in his brother, Ben is forced to confront Aaron and his team of murderous mercenaries in order to reclaim Elk Hills for its citizens.
I had not read anything beyond the title VIGILANTE FORCE and the basic cast list when I sat down to watch this film. I guess that’s a good thing, because I wasn’t expecting this movie to pit the brothers played by Vincent and Kristofferson against each other. I thought the two guys would be working together to get rid of a bunch of rednecks, and we do get that for the first half of the film, but when Kris goes bad, he really goes bad! And nobody is safe. This is one of those movies where he just kills whoever gets in his way, no matter how important or attractive they are. Writer-Director George Armitage, who would direct the excellent MIAMI BLUES (1990) fourteen years later, has said that he was trying to make a point about America’s involvement in the Viet Nam war with the Kristofferson character. Armitage apparently enjoys his references, as the film was made during the USA’s bicentennial year, but his two main characters are named after Benedict Arnold and Aaron Burr. While these ideas may have amused the director, his heavy-handed approach is not good for Kristofferson’s character in this film. His Viet Nam vet basically turns into an evil cartoon about halfway through the film and is no longer interesting, which is a shame because he gives a good performance.
Allegories aside, at its heart VIGILANTE FORCE is B-movie, drive-in fodder, and it’s pretty good at being that. It’s got that unpolished look and raw, energetic feel that I like in my low budget 70’s action movies. As you would expect in a film at this time, Jan-Michael Vincent is impressive and believable as the tough, good guy of the flick. Highly motivated due to the actions of our evil, out of control villain, Vincent handles the action scenes well in the film’s explosive finale. And I mean that literally, it seems that everything blows up big time at the end! Besides Kristofferson and Vincent, the film has a very recognizable supporting cast, which is one of the things I love about 70’s movies. Producer Gene Corman put together a cast that also includes Brad Dexter, Andrew Stevens, Victoria Principal, Bernadette Peters, Paul Gleason, Charles Cyphers, Loni Anderson and a host of other familiar voices and faces who add their unique talents to the proceedings. Principal, still a couple of years away from her career defining role as Pamela Ewing in the DALLAS TV series, is especially beautiful as Vincent’s girlfriend.
Overall, while VIGILANTE FORCE is not required viewing, I can definitely recommend it to anyone who likes 70’s redneck action cinema, or to fans of the main stars. I enjoyed it!
Music Video of the Day: ILYSMIH by Kali Uchis (2025, dir by ????)
We’ve all been there.
Enjoy!
Through the Shattered Lens 