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Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Vincent Price comes aboard for a special Halloween episode!

This is actually, the second time that I’ve reviewed this episode.  I also watched and reviewed it back in 2021.  I enjoyed it the first time that I watched it and my opinion remained the same the second time I watched it.  Still, I’m glad that I rewatched the episode as opposed to trying to write a second review from memory.  There were a few details that I had forgotten.

Anyway, it’s time for…. SHIP OF GHOULS!

Episode 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

(Originally aired on October 28th, 1978, dir by Roger Duchowny)

It’s time for the annual Halloween cruise and Captain Stubing is super excited because he has hired The Amazing Alonzo (Vincent Price) to provide the cruise’s entertainment.  Alonzo is a master illusionist and hypnotist, who can trick people into seeing just about anything.  The episode really doesn’t explain just how exactly Alonzo is able to hypnotize people by just saying a few words to them but no matter.  This is The Love Boat and Vincent Price is …. well, he’s Vincent Price.  Vincent comes across like he’s having the time of his life in this episode and, as such, we accept that Alonzo can cause a bunch of people to think that Gopher and Doc have been turned into two donkeys.  We accept that he can fool the Captain into thinking that the ship’s pool has been turned into a giant ice cream sundae.  We even accept that he can make Isaac’s head appear in a glass of beer.  We accept all of it because it just feels wrong to get hung up on logic when Vincent Price is involved.

The Amazing Alonzo is having so much fun flirting with his elderly groupies and casting spells that his long-suffering fiancé, Ramona (Joan Blondell), dumps him and instead moves into the Captain’s quarters.  At first, Alonzo is jealous of the Captain but he soon comes to realize that the Captain is not romantically interested in Ramona and is just letting her stay in his quarters because she needs some place to stay.  Alonzo also discovers that he can no longer hypnotize people without Ramona’s support.  At the big Halloween party, Alonzo freezes time and apologizes to Ramona.  He also confesses to her that his real name is Wendell.  They walk out of the ship’s ballroom, hand-in-hand.  Yay!

Needless to say, Vincent Price was the highlight of this episode.  However, as was always the case with The Love Boat, there were other passengers on the cruise.

For instance, nine year-old Bobby Diller (Charlie Aikman) is a habitual liar and prankster.  His behavior may be bratty but that’s largely due to the fact that his parents (Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley) are getting back together after previously getting a divorce and he’s worried that they’re going to split up again.  Fortunately, Bobby’s lying comes in handy when he spots Karen (Barbara Anderson) preparing to throw herself overboard.   Bobby tells Karen that his mother committed suicide and that he’s never gotten over it.  Karen changes her mind about committing suicide.  Once Karen is safely back on deck, Bobby admits that he lied but then adds, “It’s the last lie I’ll ever tell!”

Why was Karen suicidal?  Karen was a model until a car accident left her with a scar on her face.  Karen is convinced that no one will ever find her to be beautiful again.  Of course, Gopher and Doc both find her to be beautiful and they spend the entire cruise hitting on her and arguing over which one of them has the right to dance with her and have dinner with her.  (As I’ve said in the past, The Love Boat really was a floating HR nightmare.)  Karen, unfortunately, thinks that they’re just doing this as a favor to Karen’s best friend, cruise director Julie.  Fortunately, Bobby’s lie convinces Karen that people can sincerely care about one another.  Also, Karen realizes that she’s too good for either Gopher or Doc.  Good for her!

This was a good episode.  Vincent Price was a delight as always and Barbara Anderson was sympathetic Karen.  All Halloween cruises should be as entertaining as The Love Boat‘s!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.15 “Cowboy/Substitute Wife”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week is all about deception.

Episode 2.15 “Cowboy/Substitute Wife”

(Dir by Arnold Laven, originally aired on January 20th, 1979)

Brian Kehoe (Hugh O’Brian) is from Texarkana.  In his youth, he was a rodeo rider but now he’s a broken-down old man who works as a rodeo clown.  He’s one of the best in the business and every rodeo rider on Fantasy Island swears that Brian has saved their lives multiple times.  (There’s a surprisingly large amount of rodeo people on Fantasy Island.)  However, Brian is deeply ashamed of just being a clown.  In fact, he’s spent his life telling his 11 year-old son, Tommy (Johnny Timko), that he’s the greatest rodeo champion of all time.

Brian’s fantasy is to be just that.  He’s spending the weekend with his son on Fantasy Island and he wants everyone to treat him like he’s a world famous rodeo star.  However, when he realizes that Tommy wants to see him in action, Brian realizes that he’s going to do have to ride a bull himself.  Unfortunately, Brian just can’t do it.  He’s old and out-of-practice.  So, he and his friends try to play a little trickery on Johnny.  Brian explains that he always wears a bandana over the lower half of his face whenever he rides.  When Tommy is cheering for his father, little does he realize he’s actually cheering for one of his father’s friends.  But when one the real riders is put in danger, Brian has no choice but to reveal the truth.  Of course, that was Mr. Roarke’s plan all along.

This was an okay fantasy.  I appreciated the fact that everyone pronounced rodeo correctly.  There weren’t any Yankees wandering around talking about the “roe-day-o.”  Hugh O’Brian did a good job of portraying the sadness beneath Brian’s confident façade.  And, when Tommy first learns that his father has been lying to him, he has a very honest reaction.  He is pissed off!  It takes Tommy a while to forgive his father.  This was a well-acted little fantasy, even if you never had any real doubt that things would eventually work out.

As for the other fantasy …. bleh.  Jayne Meadows Allen plays Nadine Winslow, a woman who suffers from hypochondria.  Her fantasy is to learn what’s wrong with her.  She’s examined by a Dr. Van Helsing (Hans Conried), who informs her that she only has a few weeks to live.  After Nadine leaves the exam room, we learn that Dr. Van Helsing is actually a waiter and it’s always been his fantasy to tell someone that they only have a few weeks to live.  Between this guy and that Nazi POW camp a few weeks ago, I’m starting to doubt Roarke’s instincts.

Nadine’s new fantasy is to find a new wife for her husband, Harvey (Peter Lawford, who appears to be slightly hung over in most of his scenes).  She settles on Monica (Sherry Jackson), whom Harvey meets during a bizarre Fantasy Island dating game that is hosted by a leering Mr. Roarke.  Monica and Harvey seem like a good couple but then Nadine spots her doctor working as a waiter and she realizes that she’s not dying.  So, she and Harvey get back together and, for some reason, they thank Mr. Roarke as opposed to suing him for emotional distress.  That whole fantasy was just dumb.

So, this was a pretty uneven episode.  I liked the rodeo stuff.  I disliked the death stuff.  That’s the way it usually goes.

Music Video of the Day: You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go, covered by Miley Cyrus (2012, dir by James Minchin III)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s music video of the day, Miley Cyrus covers Bob Dylan.  It’s a simple video, which is appropriate for both the song and Miley’s version of it.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues” and 4.6 “Easy Credit”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Season 4 continues!  Maybe this will be the week when it actually gets …. good.

Episode 4.5 “S.A.T. Blues”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

It’s S.A.T. time!  (Seeing as how Julie and Mary Beth are both in their fifth year of high school, it’s probably a good thing that they finally took the test.)  Everyone does well on the S.A.T. except for Hammer.  But Hammer is convinced that he doesn’t need good test scores because of his talent on the court.  Unfortunately, a recruiter from Duke U. informs Hammer that it doesn’t matter that Hammer single-handedly won the team’s last game.  Duke takes academics very seriously and there’s no way Hammer will ever play for them.  NOT WITH THOSE SCORES!

A dejected Hammer tries to quit the team.  Fortunately, a friend Coach K’s informs Hammer that he can still get into the NBA, even if he does end up going to junior college.  I’m going to guess that Coach K’s friend was played by a real-life basketball player, just because the audience went crazy when he made a basket.  Coach K. also made a basket but, noticeably, it was made through camera trickery because, unlike Reggie Theus, Dick Butkus was not a former basketball player and didn’t come across as being someone who had ever made a basket in his life.  Anyway, Hammer learns an important lesson and agrees to take the test again.  That said, if Hammer was actually as good on the court as he claimed to be, I imagine Duke would have bent the rules for him.

Meanwhile, Julie and Michael celebrate their 2-year anniversary.  After Mary Beth hears Michael talking about getting an expensive “ruby guitar” for himself, she tells Julie that Michael is getting her a “ruby.”  Julie buys Michael an expensive guitar case.  Meanwhile, Michael finds out that Mary Beth told Julie that she’s getting a ruby ring so he sells his guitar so that he can afford to get her the ring.  Somewhere, the angry ghost of O. Henry is researching copyright law.  Anyway, Julie gets mad at Michael for spending too much on her.  Who actually gets mad over something like that?

This episode was not particularly memorable but it wasn’t really bad either.  It was very much a middle-of-the-road Hang Time episode.  An important lesson was learned and the audiences was told to cheer whenever Michael and Julie kissed.  Dick Butkus is still totally unbelievable as a basketball coach.  Let us move on.

Episode 4.6 “Easy Credit”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

Ugh.  This is another one of those episodes where every complication is due to the characters being idiots.  I hate episodes like this.

In the B-plot, Julie is set to be named Indiana Basketball Player of the Month, because of course she is.  Coach K. doesn’t want Julie to find out before he announces it at the school dance.  However, he makes the mistake of telling Mary Beth and Michael about it and they do such a bad job of hiding how excited they are about Julie winning yet another honor that Julie suspects that something strange is going on.  Through a series of events that are way too annoying for me to detail, this leads to Julie and Kristy thinking that Coach K is going to ask the principal to marry him and this would all be interesting if I had never seen any other shows produced by Peter Engel.

The A-plot is even more aggravating.  Silk has a credit card but he’s only supposed to use it for emergencies.  But he ends up using it to buy stuff for himself and his friends.  He also ends up with a huge credit card bill.  Instead of getting a job or asking his parents for the money, he decides to use the credit card to buy a TV so that it can be raffled off at the school dance.  (What?)  Unfortunately, the TV gets broken so Silk, Rico, and Hammer decide to borrow the team van so they can take the TV to Rico’s uncle who is a master at repairing televisions.  Unfortunately, the van breaks down and Silk can’t afford to get it fixed because the credit card is maxed out and….

….

….

Sorry, I was silently screaming.  This was such an annoying episode.  I’m done talking about it.  Everything worked out and Silk learned an important lesson about not being an irresponsible dummy.  Yay!

Music Video Of The Day: Eternal Flame by Atomic Kitten (2001, dir by Phil Griffin)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When you’re an “atomic” band and you’re singing about eternal flames, it makes some people nervous.  Not me, though.  I love this song.  Just try to listen without singing along.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: The Alpha Caper (dir by Robert Michael Lewis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1973’s The Alpha Caper!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

After years of faithful service and hard work, parole officer Mark Forbes (Henry Fonda) is on the verge of mandatory retirement.  He’s spent his entire career playing by the rules and taking orders and helping recently released criminals go straight.  For all of his service, all he’s gets is a small party and a cheap retirement gift.

Still, Mark is on the job when he gets a call that one of his parolees, Harry (Noah Beery, Jr.), is currently in the middle of a stand-off with the cops.  Mark goes to the crime scene, where he discovers that Harry was trying to rob a warehouse full of weapons.  He also discovers that Harry is dying, as the result of being shot by the police.  Before Harry passes, he tells Mark that he and three other ex-cons were plotting to steal a shipment of gold bars.

Mark decides to carry out Harry’s plan.  Working with Mitch (Leonard Nimoy), Tudor (Larry Hagman), and Scat (James McEachin), Mark comes up with a plan to rob the armored cars that are going to be transporting the gold.  While Tudor and Scat are quick to join up with Mark, Mitch is a bit more hesitant.  In the end, though, they all decide to work together.  The plan they come up with is a clever one but its main strength is that it’s being spearheaded by Mark, a man who no one would ever expect to commit a crime.  No one but his colleague and friend, Lee (John Marley), that is.

I watched The Alpha Caper last night, with my friend Phil, Janeen, and Spiro.  To be honest, I selected the film because the title led me to suspect that it would be a science fiction film of some sort.  I was a little surprised when it turned out to be a crime thriller but I was even more surprised by just how good the film itself turned out to be.  Cleverly plotted and well-acted by the entire cast (and featuring a scruffy Leonard Nimoy playing a role that’s about as far from the coldly logical Mr. Spock as one can get), The Alpha Caper is an entertaining crime film but it’s also surprisingly poignant.  Mark is someone who feels that he’s lived his entire life without taking a single risk and, as a result, he has nothing to show for it.  He compares his situation to the mythical Kilroy of “Kilroy was Here” graffiti fame.  Kilroy will always be remembered, even though no one is really sure who he was.  Mark fears that he’s destined to be forgotten.  The robbery is Mark’s way of announcing that “Mark Forbes was here.”  The film ends on a surprisingly touching, if rather bittersweet, note.

The Alpha Caper originally aired on ABC on October 6th, 1973.  It was apparently meant to be a pilot for an anthology show that would be called Crime.  The series wasn’t picked up but, two years later, The Alpha Caper was theatrically released in Italy.  Today, it can be seen on YouTube.  Like Mark Forbes and Kilroy, the film has not been forgotten.

Music Video of the Day: Miracle by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding (2023, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day has a post-apocalyptic feel to it.  Society has collapsed and new, Ellie Goulding-centered world has risen in its place.  It’s bound to happen someday so consider this music video to be your chance to look into the future.

Enjoy and good luck.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/19/23 — 3/25/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, I feel as if I’ve already reviewed just about everything that I watched this week.  For instance, I spent ten hours watching Dahmer on Netflix and then I posted a review here on the site.  So, this week in television is going to pretty much be full of links.  For that reason, I considered not doing a post for this week but what can I say?  I’m a completist.  I haven’t missed a week yet and I don’t want to start.

Anyway, here’s what I watched this week!

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

I started to watch Accused this week but as soon as I saw that dusty courtroom with the big Texas flag hanging over the door and the title cared announced that this was “Lubbock, Texas,” I realized that I probably wasn’t going to make it through the entire episode.  Then, the accused was escorted into the courtroom by some old guy wearing a string tie and I said, “Nope,” and stopped watching.  I’ve been told by some folks on Twitter that this week was actually a good episode but I don’t care.  There were too many dumb clichés in the first three minutes for me to devote another 44 minutes of my life to the episode.

American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)

Is it Hollywood week, yet!?  I know it’s not any different from any other season but the auditions just seem to be going on forever!

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Sex week turned out to be a disaster, as I think we all knew it would.  After announcing that he would not be having sex with the three remaining bachelorettes, Zach went on to have sex with Gabi and then decided it would be a good idea to tell Kaity all about it …. DURING THIER DATE!  Meanwhile, Ariel — who was the most accepting of Zach’s decision not have sex with any of three finalists — was sent home.  The Fantasy Suite pretty much exists to create drama and that’s what it did this week.  That said, Zach’s really not interesting enough for this season to be the emotional rollercoaster that it’s supposed to be.  Boring Guy Turns Out To Be A Jerk …. wow, that’s a shock.

Dahmer (Netflix)

As a part of my preparation for covering the Emmys in another few months, I watched all ten episodes of Dahmer this week.  I reviewed the miniseries here.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday, FOX)

Hey, it’s the State Fair of Texas!  And a rodeo!  Look at everyone having fun!  Take that, Bachelor!

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed the pilot for this Joe Pesci detective show on Friday.

King of the Hill (FX)

On Wednesday, I watched two episodes of King of the Hill.  The first was one of my favorites, featuring Minh, Peggy, and Nancy all running for a seat on the school board.  The second one featured Bobby going to military school and discovering that it wasn’t quite as strict as his grandfather claimed it would be.  King of the Hill always makes me smile.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Law & Order returned with a new episode, in which the murder of a journalist was investigated.  The story was obviously based on a recent murder that happened out in Las Vegas.  The real-life story is pretty interesting but the Law & Order version wasn’t.  The scenes with Cosgrove and Shaw interrogating suspects and investigating the crime often felt like self-parody.  Sam Waterston still has his natural gravitas but it’s hard not to feel that both he and McCoy have earned the right to retire.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed The Love Boat here.

Survivor (Wednesday, CBS)

I reviewed Survivor here!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.11 “Heal the Bay” and 4.12 “Woo-oops”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, continuity goes to Hell with the California Dreams!

Episode 4.11 “Heal the Bay”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

This episode opens with all the Dreams hanging out at Sharky’s, getting ready to head to the beach.  Tiffani blows a conch shell to let all the surfers know that the tide is up.  Mark says that he’s bringing his guitar to the beach so he can practice getting girls.  Jake and Lorena discuss what they’re taking to the beach.  Not surprisingly, Lorena is planning on taking a lot more than Jake while Jake is going to keep things simple….

Wait!  Jake and Lorena are going the beach together?  And they’re flirting?  Didn’t they break up at the start of the season?  Yes, they did!  But NBC was notorious for showing the episodes of their Saturday morning sitcoms out of order.  As a result, shows like California Dreams, Hang Time, City Guys, and One World were notorious for their continuity errors.  Of course, as I watched this episode, it didn’t really matter to me because I like Jake and Lorena as a couple and I think they were way too quick to break up.  Even though the episode wrecked havoc with the show’s continuity, it was still nice to Jake and Lorena flirting again….

However, I was less amused when Tony started to hit on a girl who wasn’t Sam.  I mean, Tony and Sam have been dating forever!  This episode was obviously meant to air way back at the start of the third season, even before Jake and Lorena hooked up in Budget Cuts.  If it hard aired when intended, it would have set the foundation for Jake and Lorena eventually getting together.  And, looking back, Jake and Lorena’s relationship did seem like it kind of came out of nowhere.

As for the rest of this episode, it featured Tony turning into crazed environmentalist after the beach is closed due to pollution.  He gets on everyone’s nerves so the Dreams show him the error of his ways by ruining his date with a girl who is not Sam.  It turns out that the entire date involves doing or wearing or eating something that was harmful for the environment.  Having realized that being an insane environmentalist means never getting laid, Tony apologizes.  Good for him!  The Dreams then perform at a concert to raise money to “heal the bay.”  They do it for free.  Poor Sly.

I liked the episode because insane environmentalists are annoying and Lorena and Jake were a cute couple.  I just wish it had aired when it was supposed to.  Let’s find out if the next episode is any less of a continuity nightmare.

Episode 4.12 “Woo-oops”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 30th, 1995)

Samantha’s father entrusts her with a credit card!  Yay!  Samantha spends a thousand dollars in one day!  Oh no!  Now, Sam has to work multiple jobs to raise the money to pay off the card or her father is going to make her return to Hong Kong!

If this sounds familiar, it’s because Saved By The Bell did an episode where Lisa Turtle spent too much with her credit card.  Hang Time also had a credit card episode.  It was a big topic as far as Peter Engel-produced shows were concerned.  In this case, Sam fails to raise all of the money but she does raise roughly half of it so her father agrees to let her stay in the U.S, as long as she keeps working to pay him back.  That’s a good thing, seeing as how the Dreams didn’t really have anyone who could have replaced her in the band.

As far as continuity is concerned, Jake and Tiffani are a couple in this episode.  In fact, there’s a nicely done B-plot where Jake had to find a replacement for a valuable doll that he accidentally destroyed after Tiffani tells him that she’s found a buyer for it.  And, of course, Sam and Tony are a couple, just as they should be.  Everyone learns an important lesson about spending money, i.e., spend as much as you want and then wait for someone to help you pay it all off.  Sounds good to me!

Next week, we return to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge!