Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.15 “Cowboy/Substitute Wife”

Posted on March 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week is all about deception.

Episode 2.15 “Cowboy/Substitute Wife”

(Dir by Arnold Laven, originally aired on January 20th, 1979)

Brian Kehoe (Hugh O’Brian) is from Texarkana. In his youth, he was a rodeo rider but now he’s a broken-down old man who works as a rodeo clown. He’s one of the best in the business and every rodeo rider on Fantasy Island swears that Brian has saved their lives multiple times. (There’s a surprisingly large amount of rodeo people on Fantasy Island.) However, Brian is deeply ashamed of just being a clown. In fact, he’s spent his life telling his 11 year-old son, Tommy (Johnny Timko), that he’s the greatest rodeo champion of all time.

Brian’s fantasy is to be just that. He’s spending the weekend with his son on Fantasy Island and he wants everyone to treat him like he’s a world famous rodeo star. However, when he realizes that Tommy wants to see him in action, Brian realizes that he’s going to do have to ride a bull himself. Unfortunately, Brian just can’t do it. He’s old and out-of-practice. So, he and his friends try to play a little trickery on Johnny. Brian explains that he always wears a bandana over the lower half of his face whenever he rides. When Tommy is cheering for his father, little does he realize he’s actually cheering for one of his father’s friends. But when one the real riders is put in danger, Brian has no choice but to reveal the truth. Of course, that was Mr. Roarke’s plan all along.

This was an okay fantasy. I appreciated the fact that everyone pronounced rodeo correctly. There weren’t any Yankees wandering around talking about the “roe-day-o.” Hugh O’Brian did a good job of portraying the sadness beneath Brian’s confident façade. And, when Tommy first learns that his father has been lying to him, he has a very honest reaction. He is pissed off! It takes Tommy a while to forgive his father. This was a well-acted little fantasy, even if you never had any real doubt that things would eventually work out.

As for the other fantasy …. bleh. Jayne Meadows Allen plays Nadine Winslow, a woman who suffers from hypochondria. Her fantasy is to learn what’s wrong with her. She’s examined by a Dr. Van Helsing (Hans Conried), who informs her that she only has a few weeks to live. After Nadine leaves the exam room, we learn that Dr. Van Helsing is actually a waiter and it’s always been his fantasy to tell someone that they only have a few weeks to live. Between this guy and that Nazi POW camp a few weeks ago, I’m starting to doubt Roarke’s instincts.

Nadine’s new fantasy is to find a new wife for her husband, Harvey (Peter Lawford, who appears to be slightly hung over in most of his scenes). She settles on Monica (Sherry Jackson), whom Harvey meets during a bizarre Fantasy Island dating game that is hosted by a leering Mr. Roarke. Monica and Harvey seem like a good couple but then Nadine spots her doctor working as a waiter and she realizes that she’s not dying. So, she and Harvey get back together and, for some reason, they thank Mr. Roarke as opposed to suing him for emotional distress. That whole fantasy was just dumb.

So, this was a pretty uneven episode. I liked the rodeo stuff. I disliked the death stuff. That’s the way it usually goes.

Cotter (1973, directed by Paul D. Stanley)

Posted on August 5, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Cotter (Don Murray) is an alcoholic Native American who works as a rodeo clown. One day, when he’s too drunk to do his job, a bull rider is killed as a result. All of the other bull riders track Cotter down in his trailer and tell him that his days of being a clown are over. They tell him that if they ever see him anywhere near another rodeo, they’ll kill him. It’s a dramatic scene that would probably be more powerful if Cotter wasn’t wearing a clown make-up while rolling around on the floor in a drunken stupor.

With nowhere else to go, Cotter returns to his hometown and tries to surprise his old friend Roy (Rip Torn) by jumping through Roy’s front door while wearing his clown make-up. However, when Cotter jumps into the living room, the only person he meets is Roy’s half-naked wife, Leah (Carol Lynley) and she promptly fire two barrels worth of buckshot at him. Showing the reflexes that would have saved that bull rider’s life if only Cotter had been sober, he manages to duck out of the way.

When Roy comes home, he’s at first excited to see his old friend. He even invites Cotter to stay with them. Leah slowly warms up to Cotter. However, the other townsfolk are suspicious of Cotter because of his heritage and his reputation for being a hard drinker. When a local rancher turns up dead, almost everyone immediately assumes that Cotter must be responsible. Not even Roy is willing to stand up for his friend.

Made for a low-budget, Cotter is a well-intentioned film that doesn’t work. A large part of the problem is that, while Don Murray and Rip Torn were both good actors, they both overact in Cotter. For some reason, both of them yell the majority of their lines. Torn was a good bellower but Don Murray, who was usually a far more low-key actor, seems uncomfortable in his role. While it is true that Don Murray first found stardom playing a headstrong cowboy in Bus Stop, it’s also that, from the 60s onward, Murray was always best cast as men of authority and it’s hard to buy him as an irresponsible character like Cotter. Maybe the film would have worked better if Torn and Murray had switched roles. Carol Lynley seems more comfortable with her role than either one of the two male leads, though she doesn’t get to do much beyond suffer at the hands of Roy and eventually fall in love with Cotter. Also giving a good performance is Sherry Jackson, cast as a sympathetic barmaid, though she’s also not given much to do beyond reacting to Cotter and Roy.

Cotter doesn’t have a bad message and it at least acknowledges that Cotter’s alcoholism is largely his way of dealing with the prejudice that he’s suffered his entire life, though Cotter’s monologue on the subject would have probably been more effective if it had been delivered by an actual Native American actor instead of the very white Don Murray. Unfortunately, good intentions aside, Cotter just never really comes together as a movie.

Dear Old Alma Mater: John Wayne in TROUBLE ALONG THE WAY (Warner Brothers 1953)

Posted on February 3, 2018 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

Tomorrow’s the big night, as my New England Patriots go up against the tough defense of the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LII. Tom Brady and company will be going for Ring #6, and everyone here in Southern New England is super excited, looking forward to another victory celebration! I’ll be attending a huge party with plenty of food, big screen TV’s, raffles, squares, and like-minded fans, but before the festivities begin, let’s take a look at TROUBLE ALONG THE WAY, a football-themed film starring none other than Big John Wayne !

St. Anthony’s College is a struggling Catholic university run by sweet old Father Burke, who’s getting to be as decrepit as the school itself. The powers-that-be want to close his beloved St. Anthony’s, seeing how the school’s $170,000 in debt, but old Father Burke comes up with an idea. Citing Deuteronomy 32:15 (“The beloved grew fat and kicked”)…

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Beach Blanket Bummers: SURF PARTY and WILD ON THE BEACH

Posted on July 13, 2015 by gary loggins

American International Pictures created a whole new film genre with the release of BEACH PARTY (1964). The formula was simple: take a group of attractive youngsters and put them on a beach with plenty of sand, surfing, and singing. Add in some romance and comedy. Sprinkle with veteran character actors and the latest pop idols and voila! Hollywood took notice of AIP’s success and studios big and small grabbed their surfboards trying to ride the box-office waves. 20th Century Fox was the first to jump on the hodad-wagon with SURF PARTY (1964), followed quickly by WILD ON THE BEACH (1965).

SURF PARTY begins with beautiful coeds Terry, Sylvia, and Junior arriving from Arizona to the California coast for some summertime fun. Terry (Patricia Morrow of PEYTON PLACE fame) has a brother named Skeet who heads a local gang of surfers called The Lodge. The girls meet surfing instructor Len (pop crooner Bobby Vinton) who gives them lessons and falls for Terry. Lodge wannabe Milo tries to run the pier, despite warnings from police Sgt. Neal (Richard Crane, TV’s ROCKY JONES SPACE RANGER). Neal threatens to close the beach to surfers if these dangerous antics continue. Milo busts his shoulder crashing into a pylon, but sympathetic Junior (singer Jackie DeShannon) sticks by his side. The gang hangs out at Casey’s Surfer, where bands The Routers and The Astronauts play Ventures rip-offs. Sylvia (Lory Patrick, best known as Disney star Dean Jones’s wife) has eyes for Skeet. He throws a party which ends up in a fight between him and Len. Skeet eventually gets his comeuppance, and the girls go back to Arizona supposedly older but wiser.

The problem with SURF PARTY is the film takes itself waaay too seriously. It plays like a throwback to the old 50s hot rod movies, with surfing replacing cars. The black and white cinematography doesn’t do much for the California background, but the music’s okay, with Vinton in especially fine voice on “If I Were An Artist”.

While SURF PARTY strives to be dramatic, WILD ON THE BEACH thinks it’s funny. It’s not. To call the humor ‘strained’ is like saying Andre the Giant was kinda tall. Also photographed in black and white, this one focuses on the antics of Adam (minor singer Frankie Randall) and his pals when they’re forced to share a beach house with Lee (Sherry Jackson of MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY) and her friends because of a housing shortage in their seaside college town. Dean Parker is suspicious of “‘hanky-panky” going on at the house and sends his bumbling assistant Terwilliger to investigate. Living next door is record producer Shep Kirby (character actor Russ Bender, who even sings a country ditty called “Yellow Haired Woman”). When Shep hears a recording of The Astronauts (yep, they’re back), he’s eager to sign them up. Then the dean and his sidekick pull an early morning raid and catch the coeds cohabitating. Expulsions are threatened, but Shep saves the kids by offering his pad to the guys, and the girls can stay at the beach house. Everybody’s happy and dance away to The Astronauts tune “Little Speedy Gonzales”.

The only thing notable about this turkey is the screen debut of Sonny & Cher singing “It’s Gonna Rain”. Otherwise WILD ON THE BEACH is completely forgettable. Both films were directed by Maury Dexter, a low-budget hack whose only interesting movie was THE MINI-SKIRT MOB, about a gang of female biker on the loose. The two flicks have all the trappings of the AIP beach epics, but none of the charm. Where’s Frankie and Annette when we need them? Not to mention the great Eric Von Zipper!!!

Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 2.3 “The Last Rites of Jeff Myrtlebank”

Posted on October 2, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s televised horror is an episode of The Twilight Zone called The Last Rites of Jeff Myrtlebank. It examines what happens when, in the middle of his funeral, Jeff Myrtlebank (played by James Best) suddenly sits up in his coffin and asks what’s going on. Jeff’s friends and family are now torn between being happy to have Jeff back and being worried as they try to figure out what exactly Jeff has come back as. I like this episode, largely because it’s a good example of country gothic and, in many ways, I’m a gothic country girl. Plus, it has a really great ending!

This episode was directed and written by Montgomery Pittman and originally aired on February 23rd, 1962.