Brad reviews HITCH (2005), starring Will Smith and Kevin James!


I guess you can call this the holiday season of love for me, as I turn my attention today toward the 2005 romantic comedy HITCH. Will Smith stars as Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, a somewhat legendary and highly discreet consultant based in New York City. His specialty… helping less than perfect, even slightly awkward, men win the hearts of beautiful women. His methods are very effective, but he only works with men who are genuinely in love and not just chasing a one-night stand. His latest lovelorn client, the sweet and clumsy tax accountant Albert Brennaman (Kevin James), is smitten with a famous heiress named Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta), a client of the tax firm he works for. As Hitch works his magic for Albert, he also meets the cynical, but extremely beautiful tabloid journalist Sara Melas (Eva Mendes). Hitch finds himself falling for Sara at the same time that she’s on the trail of an urban myth of a “Date Doctor,” mistakenly believing that he is exploiting the emotions of women in the city for his own personal gain. When Sara and Amber discover who Hitch really is, will the guys’ true love win the day, or will the ladies believe it was all just a sleazy, manipulative setup?

HITCH is one of my favorite romantic comedies, and I watch it every year, usually multiple times. I’m a romantic at heart, and I really enjoy a film that plays with the idea of characters who truly care about, and respect, each other. This dynamic plays out through several different relationships. My favorite is the genuine friendship that develops between Hitch and Albert Brennamen. Hitch recognizes the sincere feelings that Albert has for Allegra, and he then goes all in to help him win her heart. While Will Smith is effortlessly charming and in peak movie star form, unsurprisingly, the character I identify the most with is Kevin James as Albert. His character is so sweet and earnest in his pursuit of Allegra that you just can’t help but pull for him. Balance that part of his character with James’ excellent physical comedy, whether it be his natural clumsiness or his unfounded confidence in his dance moves, and James gives the performance that takes this movie over the top for me. When teaching Albert the dance moves that he should stick with when he’s out on a date with Allegra, Hitch utters the line, “Don’t you bite your lip. Stop it!” It was that moment when I realized that, like Albert, I never dance without biting my own lip!

While the fraternal love between Hitch and Albert is my favorite relationship in the film, I also like the romantic relationship that develops between Hitch and Sara. I appreciate the way both characters step out of their comfort zones and risk their own hearts for each other. This is not easy for either of them, as Hitch’s charm and confidence actually masks deep insecurities based on his past relationships. Sara, on the other hand, has allowed herself to become very cynical towards all men, building walls so tall that no man can climb them. The fact that they truly open themselves up to each other, even if there are some serious complications along the way, gave me a strong rooting interest in their happiness.

The last performance I wanted to highlight in HITCH is that of Jeffrey Donovan, who plays sleazy narcissist Vance Munson. Munson tries to hire Hitch to help him get a vulnerable woman into bed, and in a moment of pure audience satisfaction, he pays the price for his disrespect. About the time I watched HITCH, Donovan was starring in a T.V. series that I really enjoyed called BURN NOTICE. I’m a big fan of Donovan, and he’s perfect here as a man you love to hate. In a movie full of likable characters, Vance Munson was a needed counterpoint, and his A-hole character really stands out.

No movie is perfect, but if you’re in the mood for something that’s lighthearted, funny, and makes you want to fall in love, then HITCH is about as close as it gets.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.20 “Don Juan’s Last Affair/Final Adieu”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, a tramp and a wimp seek romantic advice.

Episode 7.20 “Don Juan’s Last Affair/Final Adieu”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on April 14th, 1984)

Fashion marketer Whitney Clark (Phyllis Davis) is having an affair with her boss, Daniel Garman (David Hedison).  Whitney’s fantasy is to end the affair.  Myself, I have to wonder why she would have to come to Fantasy Island to end the affair.  Why can’t she just save the money and end the affair in New York or wherever it is that they’re from?  Better yet, why can’t she end the affair in New York and then come to Fantasy Island and actually have an enjoyable fantasy?

Daniel is on the Island, putting together a fashion show that he hopes will convince Roarke to commission a line of Fantasy Island fashions.  Whitney wants to end the affair but then she meets Daniel’s wife, Elizabeth (Marion Ross).  Elizabeth is in a wheelchair and, as she explains it, Daniel only stays with her out of guilt and a sense of responsibility.  When she offered Daniel a divorce, he turned it down.  Whitney comes to realize that Daniel loves both her and Elizabeth but that Daniel’s heart will always belong to Elizabeth.  “If you love me, let me go,” she tells Daniel.  She leaves Fantasy Island alone but looking forward to the future.  “I’ve come to admire your courage,” Lawrence tells her.  I’m not sure what courage he’s referring to.  She couldn’t even break up with her married lover without Mr. Roarke’s help.

Meanwhile, nerdy Alan Curtis (Michael Spound) is in love with his best friend, Pat Grayson (Geena Davis, in an early role).  Mr. Roarke arranges for Alan to go into the past to Madrid so that the legendary Don Juan (Fernando Rey) can give him advice but, due to a mix-up in the space-time continuum, Don Juan ends up in the present and on Fantasy Land.  Pat falls for Don Juan!  While Roarke fences with Don Juan, Alan finally tells Pat that he loves her.  At first, Pat is like, “But Don Juan….” but then Don Juan mentions that he’s had 14,000 lovers and Pat decides to give Alan a try.

*sigh*  The seventh season of Fantasy Island has been really depressing to review.  The first few seasons were fun but the seventh season has just been a drag.  This episode featured a lively performance from Geena Davis but that was pretty much it.  Everyone else seemed bored and unlikable.  Whitney and Alan were both wimps.

This was my final trip to the Island for 2025.  Retro Television Reviews will be going on break for the Holidays so that I can focus on both the Awards Season and Christmas movies!  Fantasy Island will return on January 6th, 2026.  There’s only two shows left and then something new will be appearing in this time slot.

The Holidays on the Lens: Christmas Angel (dir by Brian Brough)


It’s the holiday season and Ashley (Kari Hawker-Diaz), who has spent almost her entire life alone, needs a job.  She has a nice apartment and a cute dog but no job.  Fortunately, her neighbor, Nick (Bruce Davison), needs an assistant.  It turns out that Nick is a bit of a Secret Santa, anonymously helping people.  Nick makes Ashley promise not to reveal who she works for….

(Wait, Nick — SAINT NICK!  I just got that.  Anyway….)

But when a travel writer (K.C. Clyde) meets Ashley and discovers the truth about Nick’s involvement, it looks like the holidays might be ruined for everyone.  Can the holiday season be saved?

Okay, obviously this is not a film for cynical people.  I like it, though.  December is my month to be earnest.  It’s a cute movie and there’s a lot of romance in the snow.  Bruce Davison isn’t in as much of the film as you might expect but he’s still the perfect Secret Santa.  If you’re in need some holiday cheer, you watch it below!

 

Song of the Day: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! by Dean Martin


My friends, it is 29 degrees this morning in Dallas!  My fingers are freezing just trying to type this.  So, as I jump back under the covers and try to stop shivering, let’s turn things over to the great Dean Martin with today’s song of the day!

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow.

When we finally kiss good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

When we finally kiss good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

Oh, the fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Songwriters: Josef Larossi / Andreas Romdhane

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.2 “Vagabonds”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week’s episode features a future Oscar nominee!

Episode 5.2 “Vagabonds”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on October 11th, 1981)

The saying goes that “everyone had to start somewhere,” and, for actor Ed Harris, somewhere included guest-starring on an episode of CHiPs.

The future Oscar nominee appears as Lonny Wilson, the scion of a family of a hillbilly con artists.  He and his brother, Daws (Jesse Vint), purposefully cause auto accidents and con their victims out of their money in return for not calling the police or the insurance company.  Lonny’s young son, Jamie (James Calvert), is looking forward to joining the family business until he actually is injured while taking part in one of the family’s cons.  Lonny reconsiders his way of life and, by the end of the episode, he’s cooperating with the highway patrol.

Does Ed Harris come across as being a future star in this episode?  Well, he definitely has charisma.  He has screen presence.  That said, this is also CHiPs, a show that was mostly about capturing potentially serious auto accidents in slow motion.  No one came across as being a future star on ChiPs and that was actually a part of the show’s appeal.  The stars on CHiPs were always the motorcycles, the cars flipping over on the freeway, and Ponch’s blinding smile.  That said, Ed Harris gives a good performance.  For that matter, so does Jesse Vint as his brother.  This is a well-acted episode of CHiPs.  Such things do exist.

In all fairness, I should also note that, when this episode aired, Harris had already starred in George Romero’s Knightriders so, while Harris may not have been a household name, it’s probably still debatable whether or not this was really at the start of his career.  Ultimately, the important thing is that, two years after appearing this episode, Ed Harris would play John Glenn in 1983’s The Right Stuff and firmly established himself as one of our best character actors.

As for this episode, it also features the Highway Patrol taking part in a “supercycle” race, which is a race featuring bicycles that you lie down on as you peddle.  I don’t know why anyone would want to do that but whatever.  Jon Baker wins.  Yay, Highway Patrol!

On that note of victory, Retro Television Reviews is going on a holiday break so that I can focus on the Oscar precursor awards and reviewing Christmas movies so this will be last CHiPs review of 2025!  CHiPs will return on January 5th, 2026!

Holiday Film Review: Jingle All The Way (dir by Brian Levant)


Whatever else one may want to say about it, 1996’s Jingle All The Way is a cute film.

It’s necessary to point that out because Jingle All The Way has a terrible reputation and, if we’re going to be honest, it deserves a lot of the criticism that it has gotten over the years.  In many ways, it epitomizes the way a Hollywood studio can take an interesting idea and then produce a film that seems to have no understanding of what made that idea so interesting in the first place.  Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Howard Langston, an overworked mattress store manager who waits until Christmas Eve to try to buy his son a Turbo Man action figure.  (In the film, they call it a “doll,” which is one of the film’s false moments.)  The only problem is that the Turbo Man action figure is the most popular gift of the year and everyone is looking for one.  What starts out at as a satire of commercialism ultimately becomes a celebration of the same thing as Howard ends up dressed up as Turbo Man and taking part in his town’s Christmas parade.   The film becomes a comedy without any sharp edges.

That said, it’s a cute film.  It’s not cute enough to really be good but it is cute enough that it won’t leave you filled with rage.  Arnold Schwarzenegger is in True Lies mode here, playing a seemingly boring and suburban guy who is secretly a badass.  (In True Lies, Schwarzenegger was secretly a spy who had killed man people, though all of them were bad.  In Jingle All The Way, he’s just a parent who has waited too long to go Christmas shopping.)  Schwarzenegger’s main strength as an action star — even beyond his physique — was that he always seemed to have a genuine sense of humor and he’s the best thing about Jingle All The Way.  This film finds him acting opposite actual comedic actors like Jim Belushi and Phil Hartman and holding his own.  (The film also features Sinbad as another dad trying to get the Turbo Man action figure but Sinbad comes across as being more of a stand-up comedian doing bits from his routine than an actual character.)  The film’s set pieces grow increasingly bizarre and surreal as Howard searches for his Turbo Man and the film actually becomes less effective the stranger that it gets.  A scene of Howard fighting a crowd in a toy store works far better than a later scene where Howard battles a bunch of men dressed as Santa Claus and his elves.  (It doesn’t help that, after an intelligent and well-edited opening thirty minutes, the film seems to lose all concept of comedic timing.)  But there’s a sincerity to Schwarzenegger’s performance that keeps you watching.

Of course, today, Jingle All The Way feels like a relic from a different age.  All the kids want a Turbo Man and you’re so busy at work that the stores are closed by the time you get home?  Fine.  Hop on Amazon at three in the morning and order one.  Christmas shopping is a lot easier nowadays.

It’s just not as much fun.

Brad reviews RETURN TO ME (2000), starring David Duchovny and Minnie Driver!


I’m a sucker for a good romance. Every year during tax season, I like to stream romantic films while I prepare my clients’ tax returns late into the evening. They make me feel good and help my mood as I work the necessary 80 to 90 hours every week leading up to April 15th. My list of favorites includes movies like HITCH (2005) with Will Smith, NOTTING HILL (1999) with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, and YOU’VE GOT MAIL (1998) with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I also really enjoy the period romance movies based on the novels of Jane Austen, films like Ang Lee’s SENSE AND SENSIBILITY (1995) and the five-hour mini-series version of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (1995) starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. There’s a decent chance that if you walk into my office at the end of one of these films you might even catch me wiping a tear from my eye as the obstacles finally clear, and we’re left with two people in love embarking on their specific “happily-ever-after” together. One such movie, that I don’t hear mentioned very often, but that I personally love, is the 2000 romantic film RETURN TO ME.

RETURN TO ME opens by introducing us to two families. First, we meet Bob Rueland (David Duchovny), a successful architect, and his wife Elizabeth (Joely Richardson), a kind-hearted zoologist, who are clearly very much in love. We follow the couple as they attend a fund-raising dinner that’s been organized to help expand the zoo’s gorilla habitat, a cause that’s very dear to Elizabeth’s heart, with Bob volunteering his own time and talents to design the new facility. The evening includes many sweet words and some quality slow dancing. Next, we meet Grace Briggs (Minnie Driver), who is very sick and in need of a heart transplant in the worst possible way. Her Catholic family and her friends, which includes her loving grandpa Marty O’Reilly (Carroll O’Connor) and her best friend Megan Dayton (Bonnie Hunt), are a wonderful support system, but without the new heart, she won’t be able to live much longer. On the same night that unspeakable tragedy strikes the Rueland’s on their way home from the fundraiser, Grace and her Grandpa’s prayers are answered when they get the call that a healthy heart is now available. A year later, Bob and Grace meet by chance at Marty’s business, O’Reilly’s Italian Restaurant. Bob has been a shell of the man he once was as he’s been unable to deal with his wife’s passing, while Grace has attempted to figure out life with her new heart. There’s just something about Grace though, so Bob asks her out and, after a series of sweet dates, it seems the two may be falling in love. But when Grace accidentally discovers that the heart that Bob is falling in love with was once beating inside the chest of his deceased wife Elizabeth, Grace doesn’t know how to tell him. Feeling guilty, as well as fearful of how Bob may respond to the shocking information, Grace decides she has no choice but to tell him. Will their blossoming love survive this unexpected and tragic revelation?

I love RETURN TO ME, and the main reason is that I love the characters, and especially the world that director Bonnie Hunt creates inside the film. The love story at the center is played well by Duchovny and Driver, but the greater love of family and friends is what sets this movie apart for me. In a way, Hunt creates a world that contains the kind of friends and family that we’d all love to have in real life. She does this by spending a lot of time with the entertaining supporting characters, showing them to be kind and decent people, the kind who make our lives valuable. As an example, O’Connor’s performance as the doting grandpa to Grace is wonderful, but we also get to see the interplay between Grace, Marty and their “family” at the restaurant, played by such great character actors as Robert Loggia, Eddie Jones, William Bronder and Marianne Muellerleile. Hunt herself is excellent in the role as Grace’s best friend Megan, but the time we spend with her blue-collar husband, played perfectly by James Belushi, and their kids are some of the best and funniest of the film. Based on the time and attention to these characters, as well as the time spent at “O’Reilly’s Italian Restaurant,” Hunt has created a scenario that feels like we’re watching real family and friends, in the best possible way. I never watch this film that I don’t want to go eat a big plate of spaghetti afterwards. The relationship between Bob and his best friend Charlie (David Alan Grier) isn’t quite as successful, but it has its moments as well.

RETURN TO ME is the kind of romantic film that we don’t get to see very often these days. A snarky, cynic would probably have a field day with this film, with its outrageous set-up, its old-fashioned values, and even older-fashioned characters. But that’s what I love about this film. As an example, this is the kind of movie where characters ask each other to pray, they do it, and the only purpose of it being shown is so we know how much these people care about each other. That feels very old-fashioned for 2025, but based on my own experiences in life, it’s something I can completely identify with.

Ultimately, RETURN TO ME is not a perfect film. Clocking in at almost 2 hours, there are definitely some scenes that could have been shortened or eliminated all-together. And it may seem like a criticism that I find the central love story of the film less appealing than the love shown by the main characters’ family and friends, but it’s really not. RETURN TO ME is a movie I return to every year because, at the end of the day, it’s an entertaining film that helps me appreciate the love of a family and the possibility that sometimes love is just meant to be.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.8 “Hard Knocks”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Switek takes center stage!

Episode 5.8 “Hard Knocks”

(Dir by Vern Gillum, originally aired on January 20th, 1989)

Stan Switek has a gambling problem!

That’s right.  The lovable Stan Switek, played by Michael Talbott, finally gets to be the center of another episode and it’s a pretty dark one.  It’s not as dark as the one where Stan discovered that his partner and best friend had been given a heroin overdose but it’s still pretty depressing.

There are a lot of things that lead to Switek becoming both an alcoholic and a gambling addict.  The death of Larry Zito still haunts him.  The job haunts him.  The fact that he’s continually stuck in “the black box,” and doing surveillance on terrible people haunts him.  At the start of the episode, he learns that he’s been turned down for a promotion and it will be another two years before he can apply again.  Castillo says it’s about money.  The Miami PD doesn’t have the money to pay Switek a sergeant’s salary.  “You’re the best at what you do,” Castillo tells Switek.  That’s of little help.

Switek is best friends with Mac Mulhern (Jordan Clarke), the father of a hotshot college quarterback named Kevin Mulhern (Richard Joseph Paul).  When Switek’s former bookie (Ismael “East” Carlo) is murdered by Goodman (Richard Jenkins, who apparently always looked like he was in his late 50s, even 40 years ago), Goodman orders Switek to tell Kevin to throw his upcoming game.  In order to make sure that it happens, Goodman kidnaps Mac and threatens to kill him.

Switek snaps.  Switek sets out to get his own justice against Goodman and to rescue Mac.  Fortunately, Crockett and Tubbs realize what’s happening and they show up in time to help Switek out.  Once Goodman is dead and Mac is free, Kevin is able to win the game.

Later, Crockett confronts Switek.  He says that Switek’s name is all over Goodman’s books.  What’s Crockett going to do?  Given that Crockett spent months as Miami’s biggest drug lord, I’m not sure that Crockett is in a position to judge anyone.  Fortunately, Crockett seems to understand that as well.  Crockett hands the evidence over to Switek and promises to keep quiet.  Switek — who has spent almost the entire series as comedic relief — breaks down and starts to cry.

That’s one dark episode!  It’s also a very well-done episode.  Michael Talbott gave an excellent performance as Switek, revealing the character’s dark side while still remaining true to who Switek has been since the series began.  Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas didn’t do much in this episode but the final scene between Switek and Crockett was wonderfully acted by both Talbott and Johnson.

This was a good episode but I’m worried about Switek now.  I hope everything works out because there’s only a few episodes left!

Speaking of which, Retro Television Review will be going on break for the holidays at the end of this week. Miami Vice will return on January 5th!

The Holidays On The Lens: The Greatest Store In The World (dir by Jane Prowse)


Here to help you get in the holiday spirit, we’ve got a British film from 1999!

The Greatest Store In The World tells the story of a single mother and her two daughters.  When the film begins, they’re living in a van but, after the van catches on fire, they upgrade things by moving into a luxurious London department store.  Along with coming together as a family and celebrating the holidays, they also thwart an attempt to rob the store.  It’s a good-natured little movie, one that reminds the viewer of how fun the world once was.  It was filmed in Harrods, though the name itself is not actually uttered in the film.  Fans of Doctor Who will want to keep an eye out for Peter Capaldi while fans of larger-than-life actors will be happy to see the great Brian Blessed.

(I should admit that, when I was little and my family was constantly moving from one state to another and I was always having to say goodbye to whatever new friends I had made, I used to fantasize about living in a big mall.  Perhaps that’s one reason why this sweet-natured film brought a tear to my mismatched eyes.)

Enjoy!