This video would have been better if Al Pacino had been in it but still, how can you not enjoy this uplifting song from one of the darkest and most violent films ever made?
(Yeah, whether or not this counts as a “real” music video is debatable. It’s clearly meant to be a parody and was obviously filmed long after 1983 but it’s also one of the only “professional” videos out there for this song so I’m going with it!)
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, Jonathan meets a man who is desperate for money.
Episode 3.20 “The Hero”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 18th, 1987)
In desperate need of dental work that the VA refuses to pay for, disabled Vietnam veteran Joe Mason (James Stacy) considers stealing money from work and spends his time getting drunk and getting into fights in parking lots. Luckily, Jonathan is his new coworker and is able to show Joe that he truly deserve to be called a hero.
This was a standard Highway to Heaven episode but some people will find it interesting just because it features James Stacy. Stacy was the former star of the western series Lancer, the one that played a central role in Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. (In that film, Stacy is played by Timothy Olyphant.) In real life, Stacy lost both his left arm and his left leg when he was hit by a drunk driver while he was riding his motorcycle. (Stacy’s girlfriend at the time was killed.) Stacy continued to act, appearing in roles, like this one, that were specifically written to include his disability. Stacy was nominated for a few Emmy Awards after his accident and he gives a good performance in this episode.
Unfortunately, James Stacy’s career did not have a happy ending, as he struggled with alcoholism after the accident. He retired from acting in 1991 and four years later, he pled “no contest” to inappropriately touching an 11 year-old girl. (I’ve come across a lot of different version of what happened, with some saying it was a misunderstanding and others saying that it definitely wasn’t. What everyone does seem to agree on is that Stacy was drunk at the time.) Due in court in California, Stacy instead fled to Hawaii where he attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff, just for the wind to slam him into a ledge below. Stacy, who had been looking at probation, was instead sent to prison for six years. After his release, Stacy lives in seclusion until his 2016 death.
Stacy’s appearance on this episode is another example of Highway to Heaven giving work to veteran actors who were not necessarily working on a regular basis. In many ways, this show was like The Love Boat or Fantasy Island, in that its guest cast leaned heavy on nostalgia. Landon was a Hollywood veteran himself and one gets the feeling that one of his main motivations for doing this show was to help out his friends and acquaintances, the ones who weren’t necessarily at the top of Hollywood’s casting list anymore. The use of so many veteran actors, even someone who eventually became rather problematic like James Stacy, just adds to the earnestness that was this show’s defining characteristic.
2014’s Bigfoot vs DB Cooper tells what happens when a bunch of shirtless frat boy types go turkey hunting in the Washington wilderness in 1971. One of them is planning on getting married and this weekend is going to be their last chance to all get together and stare at each other in their underwear. One-by-one, each member of the group strips down to his underwear and then poses with his rifle and then flexes in front of a mirror. Finally, the groom takes a shower and starts to….
What?
You’re right. This is indeed a David DeCoteau film.
Now, the title is not a lie. Bigfoot is in the movie and receives a “….as himself” credit. He’s big and covered in red fur and he spends a lot of time voyeuristically watching the frat boys while they run around the woods in their underwear. His dialogue consists of growls and I will admit that I smiled whenever the captioning read, “GROWLING!”
D.B. Cooper is also in the film. The film gives us the details of skyjacking and his subsequent jump into the night over Washington. In this film, he lands just in time for a climatic fight with Bigfoot. Of course, that fight last for one minute and it features Cooper saying, “The most successful skyjacking in aviation history can’t end like this!”
That said, the film is mostly just a collection of scenes featuring the handsome but oddly sexless frat boys wandering around in their underwear and standing in front of mirrors. The camera lingers on them to such an extent that it almost starts to feel like David DeCoteau is intentionally parodying himself. For the record, I’ve enjoyed quite a few DeCoteau films. I love the “Wrong” films that he’s done with Vivica A. Fox. He’s a director who is willing to embrace the melodrama and who has a good sense of humor and healthy self-awareness about the films that he’s making. (And again, I think it can be argued that there’s some intentional self-parody at work in this one.) Unfortunately, Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper is incredibly dull.
Eric Roberts and Linnea Quigley are top-billed, though neither actually appears on screen. Roberts narrates the film and talks about Vietnam. Quigley provides the voice of the unseen flight attendant who speaks to D.B. Cooper.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
VIOLENT CITY opens with Jeff Heston (Charles Bronson) and Vanessa Shelton (Jill Ireland) living it up on a tropical island. They boat, they make love, and then spend some time enjoying the local island culture. Unfortunately, this is all a mirage and Jeff can’t escape the effects of his day job, that of a professional assassin. Soon a group of men are after him in a high speed chase on the narrow streets of paradise. Just when he thinks he’s gotten away, he’s double crossed and shot by his former associate, Jerry. Even worse, Vanessa gets in the car with Jerry and the two speed off. Waking up in jail, Jeff is visited by Steve (Umberto Orsini), the lawyer of his former boss Weber (Telly Savalas). Steve and Weber want him to come back and work for their organization. Jeff is more interested in finding Jerry and Vanessa, so when he finally gets out of jail, he turns their job offer down and continues on his odyssey into New Orleans. Jerry’s not too hard to find because he’s a professional race car driver. Jeff goes to his next race and shoots his tire out from long distance with a high powered rifle and watches as his car explodes in flames of death! Vanessa’s not so easy, not because he can’t find her, but because he loves her. He’d much rather make love to her than kill her, so that’s exactly what he does a couple of more times when he locates her. Even when he finds out she’s actually married to Weber, she’s able to convince Jeff that she only married him so she could be safe and that she despises him. She convinces Jeff that for them to be happy together that he should kill Weber. Does she really love him, or is she just using his badassery again?
In honor of Jill Ireland’s birthday (April 24, 1936), I thought I’d review a Charles Bronson film that features a strong performance from his beautiful wife. And speaking of beautiful, she has never been any more beautiful than she is in VIOLENT CITY. I mentioned earlier that the film opens in a tropical paradise. Let’s just say that Bronson and Ireland are in peak physical condition and absolutely striking as they walk the island streets. With his chiseled features and mustache, Bronson is the perfect image of masculinity. With her blonde hair, curvaceous figure and perfect tan, she’s a vision of feminine beauty. Bronson’s Jeff Heston is as tough as it gets, and we soon find out that no man can get the better of him. It’s a tribute to Ireland’s performance that we don’t necessarily blame him for continuing to give her second and third chances, even to his own peril. And she saves her best work for the end, when we all find out that she has more going for her than just beauty.
VIOLENT CITY was directed by the Italian filmmaker Sergio Sollima, whose other credits include the excellent spaghetti western, THE BIG GUNDOWN with Lee Van Cleef, and the solid “Polizziotteschi” crime film REVOLVER, with Oliver Reed. He gets more sensual performances from the stars than we’d get in future years, as they do lots and lots of loving on each other throughout the course of the film. The musical score is from the master composer himself, Ennio Morricone. It’s not quite ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST level, but it’s really good stuff and quite memorable. If I had one complaint it would be that I wish Telly Savalas had more screen time as Weber. His character added life to the film whenever he appeared. He could be a real asshole, but he seemed to have a lot of fun, and he makes one hell of a cocktail (the moonlight passion)!
My final word on VIOLENT CITY is that it’s a solid Italian crime film, with a lean, mean Bronson, good action sequences, and a more than adequate Jill Ireland as a beautiful femme fatale. I certainly recommend it. Happy Birthday, Jill!
VIOLENT CITY was initially released in America under the name THE FAMILY in hopes of drafting off the THE GODFATHER. See the trailer below.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.
Yes, it’s that time once again. Sorry, everyone.
Episode 2.9 “Starstruck”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 4th, 1999)
Here’s what the imdb says about this week’s episode:
Jason has been having a great time with Alex and he admits to Murray that he’d like to date her. However, his film star friend Josh Denmark tells him that he too would like to date Alex. The two have competed for the same girls in the past and both agree not to date Alex. Murray, though, encourages Jason to ask Alex out, and he takes his advice. But it seems that Josh has already asked Alex out and she accepted.
Now, as you probably guessed, this is yet another season 2 episode that was not uploaded to YouTube. If I had known so much of season 2 was not available, I never would have started reviewing this stupid show to begin with and I’d be a lot happier right now. That said, in another few weeks, we will reach some episodes that actually have been uploaded. This post is a placeholder, in case I ever do find this episode. Plus, for whoever may be interested, you now know that Josh Denmark is a semi-regular character and so is Alex, the lifeguard who replaced Stads. I guess Jason is over Stads now. As for Scott, I guess he’s still training for the Olympics. *snicker* God, what a stupid show.
According to the imdb, this was the final episode to feature the character of “film star” Josh Denmark so I’m going to guess he turned out to be a jerk and left to film another movie. (That’s what usually happened whenever this plot played out on a Peter Engel-produced sitcom. Remember Johnny Dakota from Saved By The Bell?) The fact that this episode is called “Starstruck” leads me to suspect that Alex learned that there’s more to life than fame.
(It’s almost as if I don’t actually have to actually watch this show to know what happened.)
Anyway, hopefully I’ll get to do an actual review in the future.
Always be prepared. You never know who might land outside of your house. Anyway, this is a fun video. Remember that real Space Invaders can be destroyed just be coughing on them and giving them some of those Earth germs for which they have yet been able to build up an immunity.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, on Monsters, the aliens are due in New England so get your mudrooms ready!
Episode 3.15 “The Space Eaters”
(Dir by Robert T. Megginson, originally aired on January 6th, 1991)
On a stormy night in New England, two old friends get together to play chess. As is obvious from the dialogue, Howard (Richard Clarke) and Frederick (Matt Hulswitt) have been friends for a long time and their chess game is more than just a way to wait out the bad weather, It’s a part of an ongoing tradition. Howard is a respected small town doctor. Frederick is a veteran. Neither one is the type to believe stories about aliens coming to Earth.
Until, of course, it actually happens.
Their friend, Henry Wells (Richard Hughes), stumbles into the house and says that he and the other towns people were all captured by aliens and their brains have been eaten. Henry collapses and dies. A quick examination of his head reveals a bloodless hole. Frederick thinks that it might had been the result of a gunshot but why is there no exit wound? Howard takes a closer look at the hole and discovers that Henry is indeed missing his brain. Suddenly, Henry starts to speak in the voice of the alien and Howard and Frederick realize that Henry’s crazy story was true. The aliens have arrived and they’re eating brains! Can Howard and Frederick, who are apparently the last two townspeople who still have their brains, find a way to outsmart the aliens?
This was a good episode, one that was heavy on atmosphere and which featured good performances from the three-man cast. When the aliens did show up at the end, their design paid homage to the type of aliens that used to appear in Roger Corman’s 50s sci-fi films. It’s a nice touch. I always like it when Monsters pays homage to the horror and science fiction films of the past.
This was another good season 3 episode of Monsters! It’s rare that a show gets better in its later seasons but, so far, the third season of Monsters has been a hundred times stronger than the previous two seasons. We’ll see if that pattern continues next week.
Yeah, I got nothing.
Seriously, 2016’s Hunting Season is so mind-numbingly dull and bad that I have no idea what to say about it. Usually, when I see an indie film that is this bad, I keep it to myself because I generally don’t believe in kicking people when they’re down. I’m far more comfortable trashing a bad film from a major studio than a mediocre one that was shot by some guy who put the entire budget on his credit card. But a visit to the imdb revealed several comments from people who worked on the film and were never actually paid for their efforts so screw it. This is one of the worst films that I have ever seen in my life.
Stock brokers are kidnapping people and hunting them for sport. Tom Sizemore plays Nick, who I guess is supposed to be the head stockbroker. If I sound confused, it’s because the soundtrack was so muddy that I often struggled to understand what people were saying. Sizemore disappears from the film, which is a shame because his unhinged, seemingly improvised performance was one of the only interesting things about the film. (At one point, Sizemore looked straight at the camera and extended his middle finger. I’m not sure if that moment was scripted or not.) Eric Roberts shows up for four scenes, playing the father-in-law of one of the stock brokers. The character’s daughter apparently has some sort of psychic connection with her husband and she shouted all of her dialogue. Clifton Powell shows up as a guy in a bar. Miguel Nunez Jr. plays an FBI agent.
Along with not being able to hear the dialogue, I also struggled to understand just where everyone was in relation to everyone else. The film was so haphazardly edited that it was impossible to really keep track of time or location or anything else that would have helped make the film interesting. It’s a talky film but good luck understanding what anyone’s saying. Most of the scenes have so many visible edits and so many close-ups that I got the feeling that everyone was on set at a different time. It makes for a disjointed and dull story. I couldn’t follow a bit of it.
Eric Roberts has appeared in nearly 800 films. This one might be the worst.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, someone needs to call Family Services.
Episode 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 27th, 1982)
Poor Vicki!
Here she is, living on the Love Boat, surrounded by the middle-aged crew and the largely elderly passengers, and without a single friend her own age. (Seriously, how does Captain Stubing get away with this?) She’s excited when an old school friend, Scott Nelson (Rad Daly), boards the boat but Scott, being 14 and a boy, is totally clueless about the fact that 1) Vicki is no longer a tomboy and 2) Vicki totally has a crush on him.
Gopher sees that Vicki is upset so he tries to cheer her up by telling her that she deserves better than Scott and also sending her flowers. Gopher may have had good intention but now Vicki is convinced that she’s in love with Gopher and that Gopher is in love with her! Captain Stubing is not amused. And Vicki is also not amused when she overhears Gopher explaining that he was just trying to make Vicki feel better. And then she’s truly, truly unamused when Scott kisses her and then reveals that Gopher paid him to do so.
Seriously, poor Vicki! I relate to Vicki more than to Julie because I’ve never been a cruise director but I have been a teenager. I will never understand how the Captain is getting away with raising his daughter on a cruise ship. I can see where it would sometimes for fun for Vicki but doesn’t she miss having friends her own age? Doesn’t she wish she could explore something other than the Aloha Deck? This storyline once again reminded the viewer that Vicki really deserves a life on the mainland.
As for the other two stories, Paul Reese (Jared Martin) is a publishing executive who wants to sign an author named Gus Dolan (Alan Hale, Jr.). Gus is known for his tough crime novels. In order to get close to Gus, Paul strikes up a romance with Gus’s daughter, Kathy (Georgia Engel). Kathy is upset when she discovers that Paul works in publishing but, when Paul throws away the contact that he just got Gus to sign, she realizes that Paul does love her. And then Paul discovers that Kathy is the one who is actually writing Gus’s books. This storyline featured a good performance from Alan Hale, Jr. but there was next to zero romantic sparks between Jared Martin and Georgia Engel.
Meanwhile, Brian (Paul Williams) and Lenore (Joanna Pettet) searched the ship for a secret treasure and fell in love. Isaac’s cabin got ransacked twice. This was a pretty boring story and one of the biggest parts of it — Captain Stubing telling Brian and Lenore not to disturb anyone else’s cabin — took place off-screen.
So, this cruise left me feeling very sorry for Vicki and also for poor Gus Dolan. Vicki wants friends her own age. Gus wants to be a real writer. Not all dreams come true, even on the Love Boat.
Through the Shattered Lens 