14 Days of Paranoia #4: Conspiracy (dir by Adam Marcus)


2008’s Conspiracy opens in Iraq.

A group of American soldiers are searching for militants.  Amongst them is the grim-faced William “Spooky” MacPherson (Val Kilmer).  When an adorable little girl with a teddy bear approaches the soldiers, MacPherson barely notices.  His mind is on adult threats.  But when the girl reveals that she has a bomb in her backpack, the majority of the soldiers are blown up with her. MacPherson survives, though he loses a leg and ends up with such severe PTSD that he can no longer carry a gun or even make a fist.  Helping him recover from his wounds is his best friend and fellow soldier, Miguel (Greg Serano).

A year or so later, MacPherson is back home.  He lives in a run-down apartment in New York and spends most of his time with a naked woman who speaks Russian.  (Whether she was meant to be his girlfriend or just someone he hired is unclear.)  Miguel continually calls him up and asks him to come down to New Mexico and work on his ranch.  MacPherson refuses at first.  He wants to remain isolated from the world.  But when his flashbacks of the explosion become too intense, MacPherson finally decides to accept Miguel’s offer.  MacPherson pawns a gun so that he’ll have enough money to get a bus ticket.  And then, he heads for New Mexico.

The only problem is that, once MacPherson arrives in New Mexico, Miguel is nowhere to be seen.  Walking through a town that appears to have recently been constructed, MacPherson meets a lot of people who insist that they’ve never heard of Miguel and that there is no ranch at the address that Miguel gave MacPherson.  The police carefully watch MacPherson as he makes his way from business to business, searching for his friend.  No one in town is friendly.  No one seems to want MacPherson around.  Eventually, MacPherson is approached by Rhodes (Gary Cole), the businessman who is building the town and who apparently controls everything that happens within the town limits.  Rhodes is friendly.  Rhodes says that MacPherson, with his white skin and blonde hair, is exactly the type of person that he likes to see in his town.  Can you tell where this is going?

You probably already guessed that Rhodes is an evil businessman who is involved in human trafficking and who smuggles Mexicans across the border to work for his company before then sending back to their home country with next to no money.  You’ve also probably figured out that Miguel was killed by the corrupt police force.  If you haven’t figured that out, you’ve never seen a movie before.  MacPherson teams up with the only kind person in town, Joanna (Jennifer Esposito), and they try to stop Rhodes’s operation.  The entire movie seems to be building up to a scene where MacPherson and Joanna take on the whole town but instead, somewhat anticlimactically, everyone just stands around and watches Rhodes battle MacPherson.  Conspiracy promises a lot but it doesn’t really deliver.

This was one of Val Kilmer’s first straight-to-video roles and he gives a rather detached performance, which is a shame because an actor of Kilmer’s talent could have really done something with this role if he had been in the mood to do so.  But I don’t blame Kilmer for not seeming to be that invested in Conspiracy.  It’s not a very interesting film.  Even the usually dependable Gary Cole just seems to be going through the motions.  The film’s attempt to comment on the pressing political issues of 2008 — illegal immigration, the war in Iraq, the burst of the housing bubble, the recession — only serve to reinforce how shallow and heavy-handed the film actually is.  Watching Conspiracy in 2025, the most interesting about it is that the issues it deals with are the issues that, 17 years later, Americans are still dealing with.

With its portrayal of an isolated town and a scarred war veteran looking for a missing friend, Conspiracy has a lot in common with the classic 1955 film, Bad Day At Black Rock.  Now, that’s a film that is definitely worth seeing!

Previous entries in 2025’s 14 Days Of Paranoia:

  1. The Fourth Wall (1969)
  2. Extreme Justice (1993)
  3. The Lincoln Conspiracy (1977)

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.6 “The Beautiful Skeptic/The Last Platoon”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, someone tries to expose Fantasy Island!

Episode 6.6 “The Beautiful Skeptic/The Last Platoon”

(Dir by Ricard Montalban, originally aired on November 27th, 1982)

Your eyes do not deceive you.  This episode was directed by Mr. Roarke himself, Ricardo Montalban!

The main fantasy deals with Jack Oberstar (Gary Frank), who wants to go back to World War II so that he can find proof that his brother, Ken (Steve Kanaly), was killed in action and did not, as the army claims, desert and become a black market smuggler.  After the customary warnings from Mr. Roarke, Jack finds himself serving alongside his brother in France.  Jack not only gets to bond with his brother but he also discovers that it was the evil Galloway (Don Stroud) who stole his brother’s identity and went on to become a criminal.  Ken did die heroically but, without his dog tags, he was misidentified.  No sooner does Jack learn all this then he finds himself back in the present.  Jack is happy to know the truth but he regrets not having returned with proof.

However, Mr. Roarke reveals that, while Jack was having his fantasy, a career criminal died while serving a life sentence in France.   By checking his fingerprints, the authorities discovered that the criminal was Galloway, who was long believed to have died in World War II.  Jack realizes that he can now argue that Galloway stole Ken’s identity!  He’s happy, even if he doesn’t have his definite proof.  Myself, I started thinking about how different the world must have been in the days before DNA testing.  Today, Jack presumably wouldn’t even have to go Fantasy Island to prove that the body buried in “Galloway’s” grave was actually his brother.

As for the other storyline, it features Connie Stevens as journalist Christine Connelly, who is determined to prove that Mr. Roarke is a fake.  She tells Roarke that she interviewed eleven former guests and all of them were happy with how their fantasies went.  Christine argues that there’s no such thing as “eleven satisfied customers,” which is a weird way to put it.

Christine brings along two people who have fantasies.  Jay (Jimmie “JJ” Walker) wants to win a weight-lifting competition, despite being Jimmie “JJ” Walker.  Luckily, Roarke has some magic chalk dust that allows Jay to do just that.  (You have to feel bad for everyone who actually wasted their time training for the competition.)  Frank (Herb Edelman ) wants to be reunited with his estranged wife, Connie (Ruta Lee).  This actually proves somewhat difficult, as Connie really doesn’t want to see Frank.  But it turns out that this is because Connie thinks that Frank is having an affair with Christine.  I’m not sure that Roarke reunited Connie and Frank is really greater proof than Jimmie Walker winning a strongman competition but the important thing is that Christine learns to be less of a cynic and to open her mind to the magic of Fantasy Island.

This was not a bad trip to the Island.  Much as Mr. Roarke did with the Island, Ricardo Montalban kept the episode moving quickly and efficiently.  It’s interesting that Fantasy Island started out as this place that was shrouded in mystery but, by the sixth season, it was apparently well-known enough to attract the attention of tabloid television.  In the end, Mr. Roarke proved his good intentions and protected the Island.  Good for him!

 

Song of the Day: Don’t Your Forget About Me by Simple Minds


Given the fact that today is the birthday of both John Hughes and Molly Ringwald, it seems obvious what today’s song of the day should be.

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ooh, woah

Won’t you come see about me?
I’ll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving everything inside and out and
Love’s strange, so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don’t you, forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you, forget about me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognize me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ooh, woah

Don’t you try and pretend
It’s my feeling we’ll win in the end
I won’t harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security, ah

Don’t you forget about me
I’ll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby
Going to take you apart
I’ll put us back together at heart, baby

Don’t you, forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you, forget about me

As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?
Come on, call my name
Will you call my name?

I say
La, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
When you walk on by
And you call my name
When you walk on by

Songwriters: Keith Forsey / Steve W. Schiff

Scene That I Love: The Ending of Pretty In Pink


Today’s scene that I love comes from 1986’s Pretty In Pink, starring Molly Ringwald, Andrew McCarthy, Jon Cryer, and James Spader and written by John Hughes.

In the final scene, we discover Andie at prom with Duckie.  Fortunately, Blaine shows up.  Listen, I know that there are a lot of people who think that Andie should have ended up with Duckie.  That’s how the script was originally written and the film’s ending was reshot after test audiences literally booed the idea of Andie going to prom with her best friend.  In this case, though, the test audience was correct.  Duckie was sweet but he wasn’t a prom date.  Andie and Blaine belonged together.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special John Hughes Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Director John Hughes would have been 75 years old today.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 John Hughes Movies

Sixteen Candles (1984, dir by John Hughes, DP: Bobby Byrne)

The Breakfast Club (1985, dir by John Hughes, DP: Thomas Del Ruth)

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986, dir by John Hughes, DP: Tak Fujimoto)

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987, dir by John Hughes, DP: Donald Peterman)

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.9 and 3.10 “Drive, Lady, Drive”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, it’s a special two-hour episode of CHiPs!

Episodes 3.9 and 3.10 “Drive, Lady, Drive”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 10, 1979)

The police at nearby Palma Vista are on strike and the state of California has agreed to allow some members of the Highway Patrol to patrol the town until the strike is over.  Getraer assigns Baker, Ponch, Bear, and some new guy named Lenny (Leon Isaac Kennedy) to head over to the town,  Baker is named the OIC, which I eventually figured out stood for “Officer in Charge.”  Getraer knows better than to give the job to Ponch.

Ponch, by the way, is back!  After being absent for two episodes due to Erik Estrada actually injuring himself in a motorcycle crash, Ponch returns in this episode and he goes through the entire episode with this huge grin on his face as if he’s saying, “You know you missed me.”  Ponch’s return means that Baker is once again relegated to being the strong, silent partner who doesn’t really get to do anything.  In fact, Baker crashes his motorcycle early on in this episode, as if the show was trying to tell us, “See?  It could happen to anyone!”

The striking cops accuse Baker, Ponch, Bear, and Lenny of being scabs and strike breakers.  I’m not really a fan of public sector unions.  (When it comes to the police striking, my hero is Calvin Coolidge, who came to fame when he broke up a policeman’s strike in Massachusetts.)  Still, it felt strange to watch the show’s heroes cross that picket line.  That would definitely not happen on television today.

There’s a lot going on in Palma Vista.  There’s some rich kids who keep joyriding in a dune buggy and who think they can escape prosecution by crossing the city limits.  (Joke’s on them!  The Highway Patrol has jurisdiction everywhere!)  There’s some truck hijackers who are setting up a headquarters in town.  There’s an angry city councilman (Michael Conrad) who doesn’t feel his children should be held accountable for their actions.

That said, the majority of this two-hour episode centered on a stock car race and one of the racers, Candi Wright (Kelly Harmon).  Will Candi win the big race or will she lose to her friendly rival (and possible future romantic partner) Don Croyden (Jordan Clarke)?  Will Ponch be able to both date her and do his job?  And most importantly, will she be able to adopt a traumatized little girl (played by Tracey Gold) who Candi discovered outside of a burning house?  That’s a lot of storylines for someone who wasn’t even a regular cast member and a part of me wonders if maybe this episode was meant to be a secret pilot for a Candi Wright television series.  It would explain a lot.

This really was a basic episode of CHiPs, with the only real difference being that it was two-hours long for some reason.  A lot of what happened in the episode, especially the racing footage, felt like filler.  There was really no need for this to be a double-sized episode.  It also doesn’t help that, as opposed to the lovely Los Angeles scenery that we usually see, this episode took place in a rather ugly town.  There was some appropriately spectacular crashes but, in the end, this episode ran too long and felt a bit pointless.  Get the Highway Patrol back on the highways!

14 Days of Paranoia #3: The Lincoln Conspiracy (dir by James L. Conway)


When it comes to conspiracy theories involving presidential assassinations, the theories surrounding JFK may get all the attention but it’s the theories surrounding the death of Abraham Lincoln are usually far more plausible.

Unless, of course, it’s the theories that are pushed in the 1977 docudrama, The Lincoln Conspiracy.

A mix of documentary-style narration and really cheap-looking historical reenactments, The Lincoln Conspiracy essentially indicts almost everyone who was alive in 1865 as being a part of either the conspiracy or the subsequent cover-up.  Really, it’s remarkable how many historical figures are implicated in this film.

With the Civil War coming to a close, President Lincoln (John Anderson) hopes to pursue a generous reconstruction policy for the former Confederate States.  Secretary of War Edwin Stanton (Robert Middleton), Senator Ben Wade (Dick Callinan), and a host of other are all opposed to this plan, both because they want vengeance and they also want to make as much money as possible off of the Southern cotton fields.  They come up with a plan to impeach Lincoln but, in order to draw up the articles, they have to make sure that Lincoln is not seen for a few days.  When Col. Lafayette Baker (John Dehner) discovers that an actor named John Wilkes Booth (Bradford Dillman) is planning on kidnapping Lincoln, Stanton and his conspirators decide to give Booth their unofficial support.  However, when the plan changes at the last minute and Stanton decides that it would actually be a bad idea to kidnap Lincoln, an angry Booth decides to just kill Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, and William Seward.

Booth succeeds in shooting Lincoln and making his escape.  The other members of Booth’s group all fail in their assignments.  Andrew Johnson becomes president.  Though grievously wounded, William Seward survives.  Booth flees to Canada and …. oh, you thought Booth died?  No, that was just a look alike who was shot by a bizarre soldier named Boston Corbett.  By allowing everyone to believe that Booth was killed, Stanton is able to cover up any role he and his allies played in inspiring the assassination.  Unfortunately, Col. Baker keeps a diary and it seems like he might be planning on revealing the truth but he dies mysteriously before he can.

(And, to give the film some credit, Col. Baker’s sudden death at 41 was an odd one.  And, though it’s not really explored in the film, Boston Corbett, the man who shoot Booth, really was a weirdo who was described by contemporaries as being a religious fanatic who castrated himself and claimed to hear the voice of God.)

It’s a big conspiracy theory that is presented in The Lincoln Conspiracy.  In fact, it’s a bit too big to really be taken seriously.  The film pretty much accuses everyone in Washington of having a part in the assassination.  The film itself has the cheap look of a community theater production and the use of Dr. Samuel Mudd as a narrator only adds to the film’s silliness.  If you’re a fan of gigantic and thoroughly implausible conspiracy theories, as I am, the film is entertaining in its way.  If nothing else, Bradford Dillman certainly looks like how most people probably imagine John Wilkes Booth to have looked.  Otherwise, The Lincoln Conspiracy is far-fetched and not at all realistic, which is why I assume that a lot of people in 1977 probably believed every word of it.

Previous entries in 2025’s 14 Days Of Paranoia:

  1. The Fourth Wall (1969)
  2. Extreme Justice (1993)

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.18 “Lend Me An Ear”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs are both spectacularly bad at their jobs.

Episode 3.18 “Lend Me An Ear”

(Dir by James Quinn, originally aired on February 27th, 1987)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice centers around Steve Duddy (John Glover), an eccentric former cop-turned-surveillance expert.  When the Vice Squad has trouble bugging the home and phone lines of a mysterious Greek criminal named Alexander Dykstra (Yorgo Voyagis), Crockett and Tubbs approach Duddy for help.  Little do they know that Dubby is also on Dykstra’s payroll.  Duddy sells them the bugs that they plant in Dykstra’s home.  Then Dykstra calls Duddy and Duddy removes them.  Dykstra doesn’t know that Duddy works for the cops and the cops don’t know that Duddy works for Dykstra.

It sounds like a pretty good deal for Steve Duddy, no?  But when Duddy witnesses Dykstra commit a murder that was caused by Dykstra using one of Duddy’s voice analyzers to discover whether or not her girlfriend was lying about cheating on him, Duddy decides to try to take down Duddy.  First, he calls the homicide department and, using a device to disguise his voice, he reports that Dykstra just killed someone.  When that doesn’t work, he splices together some recordings to make it appear as if Dykstra is setting up a crime.  When that doesn’t work and Dykstra decides to take out Duddy, Duddy just kills Dykstra and his men.  Crockett and Tubbs arrest him, charging him with interfering with an investigation.  The charges are ultimately dropped but, when Duddy returns to his home, he finds a video message from Crockett.  “I’ll be watching you!” Crockett says.

This was a strange episode, if just because the main theme seemed to be that the members of the Vice Squad weren’t that smart.  Not only were they repeatedly fooled by Duddy but also Dykstra as well.  Really, anyone with as much experience as Crockett and Tubbs should have been able to figure out what Duddy was doing.  Duddy’s reaction when he heard the 9-11 call (“Sounds like someone’s altering their voice!” Duddy says) should have been a dead giveaway that Duddy knew more than he was telling.  And yet, somehow, Crockett and Tubbs didn’t figure out anything strange was happening until the episode was nearly over.

Dykstra, incidentally, was not a drug dealer.  He was a money launderer and he really didn’t make much of an effort to hide that fact.  I figure it out pretty quickly.  But, again, it took Crockett and Tubbs nearly the entire episode to figure out what Dykstra’s business actually was.  Crockett and Tubbs just had a really off-week with this episode.

On the plus, John Glover was memorably odd as Duddy.  Up until he discovers Dykstra is a murderer, Duddy is having the time of his life playing both sides against each other and it’s actually kind of entertaining to watch.  Apparently, this was Duddy’s only appearance on Miami Vice.  That’s a shame because his character definitely had potential.

Next week: Viggo Mortensen, Annette Bening, and Lou Diamond Phillips all stop by Miami!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for America 3000!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1986’s America 3000!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up America 3000 on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!

Enjoy!