What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #98: Lizzie Borden Took An Axe (dir by Nick Gomez)

Posted on January 26, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(This post contains spoilers.)

Last night, I watched the brilliant Lifetime film, Lizzie Borden Took An Axe.

Why Was I Watching It?

First off, as everyone who reads this site should know by now, I love Lifetime movies. Add to that, I also happen to like true crime films. (It’s not for nothing that my twitter bio reads, “Just a sweet little thing with morbid thoughts.”) So, it’s really not so much a question of why I was watching it as how could I not watch it?

What Was It About?

On a hot summer day in 1892, both Andrew Borden and his wife are hacked to death. Suspicion is immediately cast upon their daughter Lizzie (Christina Ricci), a free-spirited Sunday School teacher who is also known for being a compulsive shop lifter. Is Lizzie guilty or was the crime committed by her older sister Emma (Clea Duvall) or the maid or a mysterious stranger who was seen around town on the day of crime? Though the case itself remains officially unsolved, this film makes a pretty convincing argument that Lizzie was guilty and was only acquitted because nobody, in 19th century America, could bring themselves to believe that a woman was capable of such a violent crime.

What Worked?

It all worked. Lizzie Borden was one of the greatest Lifetime movies that I’ve ever seen. It took all of the elements that we expect from a good Lifetime movie — scandal, sex, and girls literally getting away with murder — and pushed them to such an extreme that the end result was absolutely brilliant. Christina Ricci and Clea Duvall both gave great performances and Nick Gomez directed with an eye towards the surreal, the morbid, and the darkly humorous.

The scene towards the end where Lizzie whispered her confession to Emma was one of the best in the history of Lifetime.

What Did Not Work?

As I said above, it all worked.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I related to the Borden family maid, Bridget Sullivan, because she was Irish and hated having to wash windows.

Lessons Learned

Lizzie Borden was guilty….maybe.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #97: Flowers in the Attic (dir by Deborah Chow)

Posted on January 21, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This weekend, I watched the Lifetime original movie Flowers in the Attic.

Why Was I Watching It?

How could I not watch it? From the minute Lifetime first started to air commercials for it back in November, I knew I was going to watch Flowers in the Attic. What especially captured my attention was the way Flowers in The Attic was referred to as being “the book you weren’t allowed to read.” Even though I hadn’t even heard of the book before I saw the commercials, that tag line hooked me. The forbidden is always so inviting.

Add to that, every time I mentioned Flowers in the Attic on Twitter, Mason Dye (who played Christopher in the film) always favorited my tweet. That was so sweet that there was no way I couldn’t watch the movie.

What Was It About?

The time is the 1950s. The recently widowed Corrine (Heather Graham) returns to her childhood home in Virginia. As Corrine explains to her children, she comes from a rich family but was disowned when she left home. Now, her plan is to make up with her disapproving father and inherit his fortune once he dies. Corrine also claims that the only way for her to win back her father’s love is for her to keep the existence of her children a secret.

Hence, Corrine’s children — teenagers Cathy (Kierna Shipka) and Christopher (Mason Dye) and twins Carrie and Cory — are forced to hide in the attic while Corrine charms her father. The children are watched over by their ultra-religious, abusive grandmother (Ellen Burstyn).

Once in the attic, the children soon realize that Corrine doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to win their freedom. While Cathy and Christopher struggle to come of age without any adult supervision, Grandma occasionally brings up mysterious powdered donuts. Soon, Cathy and Christopher are exploring their desires and the twins are falling ill…

What Worked?

It all worked. This was Lifetime at its absolute best: entertaining, fun, and wonderfully melodramatic. Along with being full of wonderfully gothic Southern atmosphere, Flowers in the Attic featured great performances from Heather Graham, Mason Dye, and Kiernan Shipka. Best of all was veteran actress Ellen Burstyn, who made Grandma into a wonderfully over-the-top monster.

What Did Not Work?

If I have any complaints, it’s that the film’s conclusion felt a bit abrupt. However, a sequel to Flowers is already in production so that ending was actually a perfect set-up for part two of the story.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Cathy was into ballet, just like me! If I ever found myself locked in an attic for a year and a half, I’d probably use the time to do some pointe work as well.

Lessons Learned

Don’t eat mysterious donuts.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #92: The Cheating Pact (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on September 29, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Late last night, I watched an original Lifetime movie called The Cheating Pact.

Why Was I Watching It?

It was on Lifetime. How could I not watch it?

What Was It About?

The Cheating Pact is yet another Lifetime movie about upper middle class high school girls murdering each other. The girls also refuse to appreciate or listen to the advice offered up by their mothers and, in typical Lifetime fashion, the movie doesn’t seem to be certain whether it’s worse to be a murderer or a spoiled brat.

(Personally, I was occasionally accused of being a spoiled brat when I was in high school and I turned out just fine…)

Heather (Daniela Bobadilla) and Kylie (Laura Ashley Samuels) are both feeling pressured to get high scores on the College Entrance Test. Fortunately, Heather’s former best friend Meredith (Laura Wiggins) is a genius. (Just in case anyone is doubting Meredith’s intelligence, she wears glasses. So there.) Meredith agrees to take their tests for them and soon, she’s getting paid thousands of dollars to help her peers get into college.

However, Kylie isn’t happy with her score and feels that Meredith deliberately did poorly on the test. And so, as often happens in these films, Kylie shoves Meredith to her death and then tries to frame Heather for the murder,

What Worked?

Whenever you watch a Lifetime movie about a teenage girl doing something wrong and then not going to her mom for advice (or, even worse, ignoring her mom’s advice), you always know that the worst possible thing is going to happen as a result. In these uncertain times, a film like The Cheating Pact is so predictable that it’s actually rather comforting.

I also love how Lifetime movies always present high school as being ruled by an erratic matriarchal society that’s dominated by secret organizations and melodramatic conspiracies, If anything, I think Lifetime movies probably offer the most realistic depictions of high school that I’ve ever seen.

What Did Not Work?

Hey, it was a Lifetime movie. Therefore, it all worked.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Much like Kylie, I once accidentally shoved someone over a stairway railing. But shhhhhh …. don’t tell anyone.

Lessons Learned

I missed the opportunity to make a lot of easy money in high school.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #86: The Nightmare Nanny (dir by Michael Fiefer)

Posted on July 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I persuaded my friends, the Snarkalecs. to watch a movie on Lifetime with me. That movie was The Nightmare Nanny.

Why Were We Watching It?

I have to take the blame on this one. Usually, the Snarkalecs and I watch and live tweet a SyFy film on Saturday but last night, SyFy was showing Sharknado for the 100th time. So, some of us were meeting up on twitter and trying to decide what we were going to watch. Since I’m always trying to get more people addicted to watching Lifetime movies, I suggested that we all watch The Nightmare Nanny. To my surprise and delight, everyone agreed.

What Was It About?

Creepy Anne (Ashley Scott) and her girly husband Ben (Kip Pardue) need to find a nanny to look after Jenny, their ennui-stricken 3 year-old daughter. After an extensive search, they hire Julie (Makenna Melvin). Julie is great with Jenny and, as Anne starts to realize, Jenny would actually much rather be Julie’s daughter. However, little do they suspect that Julie is actually Amber and she and her white trash boyfriend are planning to kidnap Jenny so that they can raise her as their own.

What Worked?

The Snarkalecs were on fire last night! Seriously, we may not have been watching a SyFy film but we snarked it like we were. Hopefully, this will lead to the Snarkalecs watching even more Lifetime films. I’m praying that I can get them to all watch Confessions of a Go Go Girl sometime soon. Seriously, that’s the greatest Lifetime film ever!

As for The Nightmare Nanny itself… well…

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, The Nightmare Nanny was probably one of the worst Lifetime films that I’ve ever seen.

As played by Makenna Melvin, the nanny was so obviously unstable that you had a hard time believing that anyone would actually be stupid enough to hire her in the first place.

Meanwhile, the nightmare nanny’s victims (played by Kip Pardue and Ashley Scott) were both so unlikable that you found yourself hoping that they somehow wouldn’t be able to rescue their daughter because you simply couldn’t accept that these two would ever be able to conceive and take care of a child. You found yourself suspecting that maybe they themselves had previously kidnapped Jenny from her natural parents. Pardue was incredibly wimpy and Ashley Scott had perhaps the scariest eyebrows ever seen on television. Is it any surprise that Jenny didn’t seem to be all that upset over being kidnapped, perhaps for the second time?

Speaking of the daughter, there was something very odd about her. Not only did she never talk, walk, smile, or do anything else but she also slept in a crib despite appearing to be way too old. Between the nightmare nanny and the odd parents, somebody seriously needed to call social services because there was just something odd going on in that household.

Finally, Nightmare Nanny failed to provide us with what we expect from a good Lifetime movie. At no point did the nightmare nanny attempts to seduce the husband by wandering around in lingerie. The wife’s sassy best friend survived the entire film. Nobody wore anything that looked like it could have been designed by the designers on Project Runway. The film’s climax was almost defiantly bereft of melodrama.

I’ve seen a lot of psycho nanny films on Lifetime and let’s just say that The Nightmare Nanny was no Perfect Nanny.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Usually, I can find a whole lot of “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments whenever I watch a Lifetime film. However, that wasn’t the case with Nightmare Nanny. Seriously, the characters in this film were just too odd.

However, I did relate to a few of the commercials that were shown during the film. For instance, I recently had a shrieking orgasm while washing my hair with Herbal Essences.

Lessons Learned

Never hire a nanny without checking Angie’s List first.

What Lisa and Erin Watched Last Night #85: Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal (dir by Tom McLaughlin)

Posted on June 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my sister Erin and I watched the 2008 Lifetime Movie, Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal.

Why Were We Watching It?

This is my fourth favorite Lifetime movie, coming in right behind Confessions of a Go Go Girl, The Babysitter’s Seduction, and Mother, May I Sleep With Danger. It comes on every few weeks and, if I’m at home, I’ll usually end up watching it. I forced my sister Erin Nicole to watch it with me because she actually was a Texas cheerleader and I figured she would have some insight into the film that I might otherwise miss. Plus, it’s just fun to watch movies with Erin!

What Was It About?

Emma Carr (Jenna Dewan, who would later become Jenna Dewan-Tatum) is the new cheerleading coach at a small Texas high school. She views cheerleading as being the most important part of a young girl’s life and she quickly proves to be an inspirational and beloved teacher. However, five mean girls — the Fab Five of the title — are determined to do what they want, regardless of whether it’s good for the cheerleading squad, the school, or Coach Carr’s marriage. Making things especially difficult is the fact that the leader of the Fab Five (played by Amber Benson) is the daughter of the school principal (Tatum O’Neal). While Coach Carr tries to instill a sense of teamwork and self-esteem into the rest of the squad, the Fab Five spend their time drinking, hanging out in sex shops, and posting racy videos on YouTube.

Needless to say, this film is credited as being “based on a true story.”

What Worked?

Though the film was undoubtedly exaggerated, it still did manage to capture just what it’s like to go to an athletics-obsessed school in small town and suburban Texas. Seriously, it’s a world that only makes sense when you’re actually a part of it. Once you leave and think back, it all looks like a silly Lifetime movie.

Everytime after I see this movie, I find myself occasionally clapping my hands while chanting, “Pump, pump, pump it up/Pump that spirit, keep it up!” Seriously, it’s fun!

What Did Not Work?

Both Erin and I were occasionally amused and often annoyed by how seriously Coach Carr took cheerleading. Every time that Jenna Dewan started to give a speech about the importance of cheerleading (“You represent your school!”), Erin and I started laughing. She was just so serious about it that I found it hard to believe that her character wasn’t being played for laughs. Imagine my shock as I realized that the film meant for us to take her seriously.

(However, Erin has assured me that there are coaches out there who really do view cheerleading as being a mission from God.)

“Oh my God! Just like us!” Moments

As we watched the film, I continually asked my sister if this movie was an accurate portrayal of what it was like to be a scandalous high school cheerleader in Texas. According to Erin, the film was accurate but exaggerated. She said that she had known girls like the ones portrayed in this film but, even at their worst, they weren’t “as demonic” as the Fab Five. Erin also asked me to make clear that she was certainly never one of those girls. And I can vouch for that! There’s a reason why Erin’s nickname is “the nice one.”

When I first started high school, quite a few people told me that I needed to follow my sister’s example and try out for cheerleader and I have to admit that I was occasionally tempted to do so. However, I never did because I already had ballet and drama club, I wanted to establish my own identity, and Erin told me that being cheerleader meant that I had to be perky all the time and, quite frankly, I’ve always needed my time to sulk. So, I’ve never regretted not following the cheerleader route but I still found it amusing that the evil redheaded cheerleader in Fab Five was named Lisa.

Lessons Learned

My home state is the best! Seriously, would anyone ever want to watch a movie called The Vermont Cheerleader Scandal? I think not.

600full-fab-five_-the-texas-cheerleader-scandal-screenshot

“Seriously, what the Hell’s the point of Vermont?”

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #84: Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret (dir by Jace Alexander)

Posted on June 23, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned over to Lifetime and I watched the world premiere of Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret.

Why Was I Watching It?

If you know me then you know that I can’t resist a trashy Lifetime film. And could anything be trashier than a film about Jodi Arias?

What Was It About?

The film is based on the true story of the most hated woman in America. Mentally unstable fake blonde Jodi Arias (Tania Raymonde) meets motivational speaker Travis Alexander (Jesse Lee Sofer) and eventually becomes obsessed with him. Finally, Jodi goes back to her natural hair color and, in a disturbingly graphic scene, murders Travis.

What Worked?

In the role of Jodi Arias, Tania Raymonde (who is probably best known for playing Ben’s daughter on Lost) gave a genuinely unsettling performance. Not only did Raymonde look a lot like Jodi but she was convincingly crazy as well.

What Did Not Work?

Honestly, this film left me feeling incredibly icky. Does Jodi Arias really deserve to have a film made about her?

Perhaps I would have felt differently if the film had provided any sort of psychological insight into either Jodi or Travis (who remains a cipher for the majority of the film). However, the film is content to just reenact all of the sordid details that we’ve already heard about. The end result is a film that’s occasionally watchable but ultimately disappointing.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I refuse to acknowledge seeing any “Just like me!” moments while watching a movie about Jodi Arias. Judging from the response on twitter to this movie, I was not alone in this. For the most part, people seemed to be watching specifically so they could point out how little they had in common with Jodi Arias. Perhaps that’s the true appeal of films like this, the chance to say, “I may be fucked up but at least I’m not Jodi Arias!”

Okay, I will admit that, much like the film version of Jodi Arias, I believe that dancing can be a great tool of seduction and emotional expression.

However, judging from the moves displayed in this movie, I’m a much better dancer.

Lessons Learned

I’ll watch just about anything that’s on Lifetime.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #80: A Mother’s Rage (dir by Oren Kaplan)

Posted on April 27, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned the TV over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched A Mother’s Rage.

Why Was I Watching It?

First off, it was on the Lifetime Movie Network and, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I am an LMN fanatic. Seriously, there’s nothing I love more than watching a good, silly Lifetime movie.

Secondly, just the title, A Mother’s Rage, is so melodramatic and over-the-top. Just hearing that title, I knew this movie would be the epitome of everything I usually love about a good Lifetime movie.

What Was It About?

After her daughter is murdered, Rebecca Mayer (Lori Loughlin) sets out to find the man responsible. Driving across a desolate desert highway and hallucinating that her daughter (Jordan Hinson) is still alive, Rebecca murders every man that she comes across.

Fortunately, all of these men happen to be rather scummy but still, the local police are determined to catch Rebecca and stop her trail of a murder. Sheriff Emily Tobin (Kristen Dalton) pursues Rebecca with the help of her own teenaged daughter (played by Alix Elizabeth Gitter).

What Worked?

Lori Loughlin and Jordan Hinson were well cast as mother and ghost daughter and, for the first 20 minutes or so, the movie did a pretty good job of keeping you guessing as to whether or not Hinson was real or if she was just a hallucination.

Over the course of the film, Loughlin did murder a few people but, fortunately, everyone she killed was so sleazy that she still managed to remain a sympathetic character.

What Did Not Work?

Even by the melodramatic standards of Lifetime, A Mother’s Rage was not a very believable story. Plot holes abound and the film’s final scenes were so sloppily edited that the film’s imdb message board is full of people still trying to figure out what exactly happened at the end of the movie.

One huge issue that I had with this film was that Lori Loughlin essentially murders several people in broad daylight and yet, somehow, there are never any witnesses. Seriously, Loughlin apparently managed to find the least traveled highway in America.

Then again, it was a Lifetime movie and therefore, it all worked. Criticizing a Lifetime movie for being melodramatic is like criticizing a kitten for being cute.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Lori Loughlin’s daughter is described as being an aspiring dancer who had a massively overprotective mother and, seriously, how could I not relate to that? Meanwhile, Kristen Dalton’s daughter spends her time stealing crime scene photographs and trying to solve crimes and again, how could I not relate? Seriously, there were times when this entire film seemed like one big “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment.

Lessons Learned

I will apparently watch anything that shows up on Lifetime.

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #76: Romeo Killer: The Chris Porco Story (dir by Norma Bailey)

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched the Lifetime original movie, Romeo Killer: The Chris Porco Story.

Why Were We Watching It?

First off, it was on Lifetime. Secondly, both me and Evelyn love the true crime genre. And finally, the film starred the very hot and very Texan Matt Barr. Seriously, how couldn’t we watch?

There was one other reason that I wanted to see Romeo Killer. Chris Porco, the subject of the film and a convicted murderer, actually obtained a court order to prevent the film from being shown. The New York Court of Appeals overturned the order just two days before Romeo Killer was scheduled to premiere. After all the drama about whether or not I would even be allowed to see it, how could I not watch when I got the chance to do so?

What Was It About?

Chris Porco (Matt Barr) is handsome, charming, and possibly a sociopath. After his parents (Lochlyn Munro and Lolita Davidovitch) are attacked by an axe-wielding assailant, Porco is the number one suspect. While the lead detective (Eric McCormack) tries to send Porco to jail, Porco’s mother insists that her son is innocent. Meanwhile, Porco is attempting to seduce McCormack’s insecure daughter (Sarah Desjardins…)

What Worked?

Romeo Killer is the epitome of a Lifetime true crime film, in that it featured a truly disturbing crime, a charming villain, a driven cop, and a lot of melodrama. Though the film made an attempt at ambiguity (for instance, we never actually see Chris Porco attacking his parents and the film ends with a quote from his mother in which she says that she still thinks that her son is innocent), it was also pretty obvious that the filmmakers believed Chris Porco to be guilty. In the end, Romeo Killer made a compelling argument for Porco’s guilt (which is probably why he tried to keep the film from airing).

As portrayed in the movie, Porco comes across as being a pretty obvious, 1-dimensional psychopath but Matt Barr still does a pretty good job playing him. Barr captures both the empty interior and charming exterior of the character. (Of course, it should also be noted that Barr is about a thousand times better looking than the real Chris Porco.) Among the supporting characters, Eric McCormack, Sarah Desjardins, and Lolita Davidovich all give strong performances.

Porco’s father is played by Lochlyn Munro. Munro is a Canadian actor who has played small roles in a countless number of Lifetime films. I don’t know much about him beyond the fact that I’m always happy to see him because, seriously, it’s just not a Lifetime film without Lochlyn Munro. That said, Munro gave a sympathetic performance here. The scenes where he staggers around the house after being attacked were difficult to watch.

What Did Not Work?

If I was the type to needlessly nitpick, I would point out what the film itself acknowledges with a disclaimer that appears immediately after the end credits. While the movie is based on a true story and it does follow the broad outline of the actual case, it is also a fictionalization in which certain characters and events were created for dramatic purposes. As such, some viewers would be justified in wondering which parts of the film are based on reality and which parts were created to tell a better story.

That said, as far as I’m concerned, Romeo Killer was the epitome of a Lifetime true crime film and, as a result, it all worked.

“Oh my God! Just like Us!” Moments

Evelyn and I both found ourselves relating to the women in this film, all of whom were charmed by Chris Porco. Because seriously, Matt Barr made for one seriously hot sociopath…

Lessons Learned

Some bad boys really are bad.

10 Good Things That Lisa Marie Saw On TV In 2012

Posted on January 3, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Someday, I want to have my own tv network. I’ll call it Lisa Marie Television (or LMTV for short) and it’ll be like Lifetime but with the Lisa Marie difference. What’s the Lisa Marie difference? Sweetheart, if you have to ask, you’ll never know. El. Oh. El.

Anyway, as I wait for that day to come, I’m going to continue my series of posts on my favorites of 2012 by telling you about some of the best things that I saw on television over the course of the previous year:

1) SyFy Movies On Saturday

For me, one of the highlights of 2012 has been meeting and getting to know the Snarkalecs on twitter. Who are the Snarkalecs? We’re just a group of very witty people who are capable of appreciating films like Two-Headed Shark Attack and Arachnoquake. Every Saturday night, we watch and live tweet whatever’s playing on the SyFy network. It’s the perfect way to end the week. My favorite SyFy film of 2012? Jersey Shore Shark Attack.

2) The Basic Lupine Urology episode of Community

A great crime has occurred at Greendale Community College. A yam has been callously destroyed and the study group is going to find out who was responsible and make sure the perpetrator is punished to the full extent of the law. This spot-on perfect parody of Law and Order was one of the highlights of Community’s third season. Donald Glover and Danny Pudi were simply adorable playing good cop/bad cop.

3) Joe Manganiello and Alexander Skarsgard on True Blood

The latest season of True Blood may have been uneven but whenever Alexander Skarsgard or Joe Manganiello showed up on-screen, the show was perfect (especially if they happened to be naked at the time).

4) South Park

As always. This year highlights have included the classic anti-bullying episode and the annual Halloween episode.

5) Survivor: Philippines

The previous season of Survivor was one of the best, featuring truly interesting competitors like Jonathan Penner, Lisa Whelchel, Abi-Marie, and Malcolm. Perhaps best of all, the season ended with the most deserving survivor winning the million bucks.

6) Clint Eastwood’s Chair Speech

A lot of very snide comments have been made about Eastwood’s speech at the Republican National Convention but, personally, I think it was brilliant political theater. Even better, his two main points — that the President is essentially an empty suit and the Vice President is a jackass — are looking more and more true with each passing day.

7) The Joe Biden/Paul Ryan Vice Presidential Debate

Speaking of great political theater…. The 2012 Presidential election was dominated by debates but there’s only one that was truly memorable and it was the Vice Presidential debate between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. While Paul Ryan talked about disaster in his overly serious grad student way, Joe Biden grinned like an aging serial killer deep in the throes of senility. This was less a political debate and more a case of performance art.

8) The London Olympics

I loved watching the London Olympics this year and not just because of the Fab Five, either. The Danny Boyle-directed opening ceremonies were amazing to watch and I had fun going on twitter to ridicule NBC’s hilariously bad coverage of the games.

9) Liz & Dick on Lifetime

Oh, c’mon — it was fun!

10) The Office Made A Comeback…Sorta

After one of the worst seasons in the history of primetime television, The Office has redeemed itself slightly with its current (and final) season. Even Catherine Tate has become tolerable.

Tomorrow, I’ll continue my look back at the past year with a list of my 10 favorite novels of 2012.

Bleh! 10 Random Thoughts About The 2012 Emmy Nominations

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2012 Emmy Nominations were announced this morning and, at the risk of repeating myself, “Bleh!”

I know that I’ve kind of set myself up as the awards-crazy member of the TSL team and that’s a title that I wear proudly. Usually, I love writing up posts about the Oscars and the Emmys and whatever other silly awards might be handed out during any particular week.

But seriously, this year’s Emmy Awards are just making me go, “Bleh,” with boredom.

For the boring list of official nominees, click here.

For the far more interesting list of my personal nominees, click here!

Here’s ten random thoughts that went through my head as I looked over the list of nominees:

1) The best comedy on TV, Community, was totally and completely snubbed with the exception of one writing nomination.

2) The Walking Dead was also snubbed. To be honest, I feel that the Walking Dead’s 2nd season was a bit too uneven to justify it winning but, at the very least, it deserved a nomination.

3) 3o Rock, which hasn’t been interesting for a while, received all sorts of nominations.

4) My three favorite guilty pleasures — Pan Am, The Client List, and Ringer — were completely ignored. I’m not surprised by that but seriously, I was still hoping that the Emmy nominations would be at least a little bit fun.

5) The tyranny of Betty White continues as she was nominated for Outstanding Reality Series Host.

6) I was excited by a few of the nominations: Girls and Veep for Best Comedy Series, Game of Thrones and Boardwalk Empire for best drama series, Claire Danes for best actress in a drama series, Uma Thurman for best guest actress in a drama, and Idris Elba for best actor in a miniseries. Degrassi picked up a nomination as well. Yay!

7) The two most overrated shows on TV, the Colbert Report and The Daily Show, were both nominated for like the 100th time.

8) Both the Office and Dexter were thoroughly snubbed, as they should have been. In the past, I’ve loved both of those shows but this season, they both seemed to take viewer loyalty for granted.

9) Apparently, networks can now pass off their failed shows as being miniseries. That’s the only possible way to explain Ashley Judd picking up a nomination for best actress in a miniseries.

10) With the exception of a nomination for Project Runway, the Lifetime Network was pretty much ignored. When you ignore Lifetime, you pretty much leave me no choice but to ignore you.