Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: A Deadly Affair (dir by David Bush)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Once again, I am trying to clean out my DVR. I recorded A Deadly Affair off of the Lifetime Movie Network on March 5th.)

At first glance, Charlie (Alan Powell) and Mary (Austin Highsmith) might look like the perfect couple. They’re attractive. They’re apparently in love. They’ve got a nice house. Charlie has a manly job as a house renovator and he even has a badass lion tattoo on his chest.

Even better, they’re best friends with another perfect couple! Susan (Valerie Azlynn) and Trevor (Luke Edwards) are also attractive and apparently in love and they’ve got a nice house of their own! Susan’s a lawyer and Trevor has got a sexy tattoo too! Two perfect couples living so close to each other? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, Mary thinks that Charlie might be cheating on her. And Trevor says that Susan isn’t really responsive to his needs. One night, Mary and Trevor have a bit too much to drink. They end up sharing a kiss. Mary freaks out and says that she can’t cheat on Charlie, especially not with the husband of her best friend. Essentially, Mary says, “There’s no way this is going to happen.” Trevor, being a guy, interprets that to mean, “It’ll happen later.”

Later, Mary gets a call from her husband. He sounds like he’s in some sort of trouble. When he doesn’t subsequently return home, Mary goes out to the house that was renovating. Walking through the dark house, she stumbles across the dead body of her husband. Someone’s murdered Charlie!

Well, of course, the entire town suspects that Mary killed Charlie. Even her sister-in-law, the possibly unstable Crystal (Lorna Street Dopson), is convinced that she saw (and heard) Mary with Trevor. It doesn’t matter how much Mary protests her innocence. The detective (J. Terry Garces) in charge of the case thinks that she did it. The entire town thinks that she did it. Soon, Mary is running the risk of losing her teaching job. The parents don’t want a murderer teaching their kids…

In fact, it appears that only one person is willing to stand up for Mary and that’s Susan! Susan is not only Mary’s lawyer but she’s her best friend as well. But how is Susan going to react if she finds out that Mary kissed her husband…

Towards the end of A Deadly Affair, there’s a scene where the murderer says, “Thank you for begging. I appreciate that.” I love that line and it pretty much sums up the reason why I enjoyed this movie. A Deadly Affair is an enjoyably twisty and over the top murder mystery, the type of movie where characters interrupt meetings by storming into the room, shouting, “You bitch!” and then slapping someone hard. It’s a lot of fun.

And, I don’t want to give away any spoilers but I will say that the person playing the murderer did a really good job when it came time for the big reveal. It takes a definite skill to make the confessional monologue compelling but this person did it.

A Deadly Affair was a lot of fun. If you enjoy over the top melodrama (and who doesn’t?), you’ll enjoy this one.

What Else Lisa Watched Last Night #166: Seduced By A Stranger (dir by Scott Belyea)

Posted on May 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Secrets of My Stepdaughter was not the only thing that I watched last night! I also watched Seduced By A Stranger on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Why Was I Watching It?

When a movie is called Seduced By A Stranger, you watch it. Seduced is one of the most powerful words in the English language. I even tried to get Arleigh to call this site Through the Seduced Lens but he ended up going with Shattered instead.

(Which is okay because shattered is almost as powerful word as seduced. Someday, Lifetime will realize that I’m right and commission a film called Shattered Seduction. I’m already working on the script.)

What Was It About?

It’s about a woman who is seduced by a stranger.

Actually, there’s a little more to it than just that. In fact, it’s actually a movie about a teenager named Dana (Cate Sproule) and her good-for-nothing (but charming) father named Martin (Steve Bacic). Because Martin is a professional con man, Dana and Martin have never stayed in one place for too long. Dana feels like she’s missing out on life.

So, Martin agrees to settle down in a nice little town. Dana finally gets to enroll in high school. She even meets a cute boy named Charlie (Madison Smith) and soon, they’re a couple. However, Martin is also dating Charlie’s mother (Chandra West) and Dana is worried that her father is going to slip back into his old ways.

And, of course, there’s the stalker. Sloane (Lucie Guest) lost everything to one of Martin’s cons and she’s determined to get her revenge. Now that Martin has settled down in one place, it looks like she may finally get her chance…

What Worked?

This one was a lot of fun and actually kind of sweet in its own weird way. Charlie and Dana were a really likable couple and you hoped that things would work out for them. Both Cate Sproule and Madison Smith gave good performances and it was kind of nice to see a Lifetime film where, for once, the teenagers were alright and the adults were totally clueless.

Lucie Guest did a good job as crazy Sloane. The best role in any Lifetime film is always the obsessive stalker and Guest really made the most of the opportunity.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. It was fun and enjoyable Lifetime film. The only thing that kept it from being perfect was that there was no kitchen dance party.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

When someone says that Dana has stolen Charlie’s heart, Dana instinctively responds with, “I don’t steal.” For some reason, I related to that moment.

(I know that’s vague but identifying an “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment is not an exact science.)

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, being seduced by a stranger is the best thing that can happen to you.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #165: Secrets of my Stepdaughter (dir by Jem Garrard)

Posted on May 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched Secrets of my Stepdaughter on Lifetime!

Why Was I Watching It?

Why Not? It was on Lifetime and Secrets of my Stepdaughter is a great title. As our regular readers know, Jeff, Leonard, and I spent all last month watching and reviewing the first two seasons on Twin Peaks. As soon as I saw the title of this Lifetime film, I immediately thought of that great line from the third episode of series: “She is full of secrets.”

What Was It About?

When teenager Rachel Kent (Tiera Skovbye) survives a robbery that leaves her best friend dead, she becomes a minor media celebrity. Everyone loves Rachel but the detective (Lucia Walters) in charge of the case has suspicions. And soon, so does Rachel’s stepmother, Cindy (Josie Davis). Rachel is just enjoying being a celebrity too much and when Cindy catches Rachel rehearsing the story of the robbery in front of a mirror, Cindy starts to suspect that Rachel may indeed be full of secrets.

What Worked?

The film told an intriguing story. It opened with a title card telling us that it was “based on a true story” and I’d believe it. This is actually something that happens fairly regularly. A victim of a crime will become a minor celebrity, just to then have it revealed that they actually committed the crime themselves. People love the attention. What’s interesting is that you never hear much about these people once it’s revealed that they were not victims but instead guilty. They kind of get pushed to the side and the story gets abandoned because no one wants to admit to having been fooled.

Josie Davis gave a good performance as Cindy. She’s appeared in several Lifetime films and it was interesting to see her finally play a sympathetic character for once. The entire film, however, was stolen by Tiera Skovbye, who was a force of cheerfully destructive nature in the role of Rachel.

What Did Not Work?

This was yet another Lifetime film where the family pet is killed off, presumably so we don’t have any doubt that we’re dealing with a total sociopath. Killing the dog felt so cruelly unnecessary and totally gratuitous that it made it difficult for me to enjoy the rest of the movie. It seemed to be done for shock value but, at this point, so many pets have been killed in so many Lifetime movies that it’s no longer shocking.

Seriously, leave the pets alone!

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

“Wow, Lisa, since this movie was about a sociopathic, shoplifting teenage murderer, there were probably a lot of Oh my God! Just like me! moments!”

Okay, you are no longer my friend.

Actually, to be honest, I did relate to Rachel at the very beginning of the movie. When she was rehearsing in front of the mirror, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I do that too. But then it became obvious that she actually had killed her best friend and the family dog and I was like, “Nope, I have nothing in common with this psycho!”

Lessons Learned

It’s a lot more difficult to fake a crime than you might think.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Other Mother (dir by Sean Olson)

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Once again, I am attempting to clean out my DVR! I recorded The Other Mother off of Lifetime on April 22nd, 2017.)

Divorce is never easy. This is something that we all know. A once loving couple splits up and suddenly, they are forced to figure out what type of relationship, if any, they will now have. It’s even more difficult for the children, who often find themselves torn between two households, all the while wondering if they’re somehow responsible. Believe me, speaking as a child of divorce, it’s never easy even if it’s often for the best.

That said, you know what I bet would make a divorce even more difficult? When your ex-husband impulsively marries a woman who is young enough to be his daughter and then sits by while his new wife not only turns your daughter against you but also frames you so that everyone thinks you’re a totally irresponsible, abusive alcoholic.

That, of course, is exactly what happens in The Other Mother. The title character is Tiffany (Kimberly Crossman), who is pretty, confident, fun, and a little bit psycho. When she marries Mitch (Tyler Christopher), she immediately sets about to manipulate his teenager daughter, Brooke (Kennedy Tucker), into rejecting her biological mother, and Mitch’s ex-wife, Jackie (Annie Wersching).

It’s really not that hard because 1) Tiffany is close to Brooke’s own age and 2) Jackie is massively overprotective and strict. Of course, Brooke has struggled to deal with the divorce. Jackie worries that Brooke might act out or that she might even hurt herself. Last year, Jackie caught Brooke drinking and she still hasn’t let it go.

Tiffany, at least at first, appears to take a much more laissez faire approach to life. At dinner, she asks Brooke if she wants anything to drink. At Brooke’s birthday party, Tiffany gives her a car and Jackie throws a fit. When Tiffany picks up Brooke from school, they go to the mall and Tiffany shows Brooke how to pick up boys. Brooke would much rather hang out with her stepmom and who can blame her? Tiffany’s fun and lets her do almost anything.

Of course, Tiffany also has a long and sordid history, one that is only Google search away. And Tiffany is willing to do anything to get Jackie out of the picture. If that means getting Jackie drunk and then pretending that Jackie attacked her, so be it. If that means telling lies and hacking phones in order to make it appear as if Jackie has rejected her daughter, well, that’s what you have to do.

The Other Mother is a good example of a Lifetime film designed to tap into a fear that’s probably a pretty common one among middle-aged divorcees, the fear of no longer being the fun parent but instead being viewed as the enemy. This film provides comfort by suggesting that the new fun mom is actually not that much fun and that she’s probably crazy as well. Beyond bitter divorcees, anyone who has ever been made to feel inadequate by an ex’s new girlfriend will be able to relate to this film.

If you’re into Lifetime films, you’ll probably enjoy The Other Mother. If nothing else, Kimberly Crossman does a really good job playing the cheerfully psychotic Tiffany. The movie may not hold many surprises but I definitely had fun watching it.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Girl Followed (dir by Tom Shell)

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Once again, I am trying to clean out my DVR. I recorded Girl Followed off of the Lifetime Movie Network on April 2nd, 2017.)

Poor Regan (Emma Fuhrmann)! She’s 14 years old and all she wants is to be as popular as her older sister, Taylor (Gianna LaPera), and her best friend, Sabine (Olivia Nikkanen), and for Austin (Jake Elliott) to like her. Taylor and Sabine managed to get boyfriends by sending them sexy pics so why can’t she do the same thing? Everyone else skips school, so why can’t she? Everyone else shoplifts so why is it such a big deal when she does it? As Regan points out, her parents (Heather McComb and Joey Lawrence) expect her to be so perfect that they always overreact to the least little mistake.

Of course, they would really freak out if they found out about Regan’s now boyfriend. Nate (Travis Caldwell) is handsome, charming, and he drives a really nice car. Even better, at least from my perspective, his parents own a really big house. (If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you are undoubtedly aware of how much I love the big houses that always show up in Lifetime movies.) Of course, there are some problems. For one thing, Nate is 22 years old. Nate has a tendency to be a little bit controlling. Nate works with Regan’s mother, at a clinic. (Hey, at least he’s in the medical field! Who doesn’t want to marry a doctor?)

Oh — and Nate’s also batshit insane. How insane is Nate? He’s insane enough to hack into Regan’s phone and send risqué pictures of her to everyone who works with her dad. He’s also insane enough to replace a patient’s chart, all in an attempt to make Regan’s mother look dangerously incompetent. And, of course, there’s the whole kidnapping thing. Nate has a sordid and dangerous history that Regan knows nothing about.

Girl Followed may sound like a typical Lifetime stalking film and, in many ways, it is. However, Girl Followed also has a surprisingly insightful and intelligent script. If anything, Nate and his issues are red herrings in the overall scheme of the film. Girl Followed is more concerned with Regan and her struggle to estabblish her identity in an increasingly complex world. Anyone who has ever been insecure or felt lost will be able to relate to what Regan’s going through and Emma Fuhrmann gives an excellent and empathetic performance in the role. She is especially strong in the scenes where she tentatively opens up to her therapist, admitting that — on a scale of one to ten — she considers herself to be a “two.”

Of course, I related to the character because, when I was her age, I used to act out in the exact same way. This movie features one of the most realistic shoplifting scenes that I’ve ever seen. When her mom steps up and declares that her daughter is not a shoplifter and shames anyone who would suggest otherwise, I cringed a little and not just because I knew that Regan actually was a shoplifter. It was a moment to which I could relate. Suddenly, I was fourteen years old again.

Girl Followed is definitely a better than average Lifetime film so keep an eye out for it.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #164: Running Away (dir by Brian Skiba)

Posted on May 7, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After I watched Deadly Sorority, I watched the second Lifetime premiere of the night, Running Away!

Why Was I Watching It?

I nearly missed Running Away, which would have been a shame. After being disappointed with Deadly Sorority, I was seriously tempted to go down to my neighbor’s 3-day Cinco de Mayo party. But, somehow, my cinematic instincts knew that I should take the time to watch Running Away. I’m glad that I did because Running Away is one of the best Lifetime films of the years so far.

What Was it About?

Peg (Paula Tricky) is a single mother, struggling to raise two rebellious daughters even as the bank attempts to take her home away from her. However, salvation comes in the form of Richard (William McNamara). Richard is never quite clear about what he does for a living but he’s rich. He has a great (and big) house. He drives a red sports car and has no problem about honking the horn at people crossing the street and shouting, “Yeah, you better be watching!” He’s more than a little creepy but he appears to worship the ground that Peg walks on. Add to that, when he asks her to marry him, he gives her a really nice ring.

After the wedding, Peg’s two daughters have differing reactions to Richard. The youngest, Lizzie (Madison Lee Brown), loves their new home and decides that Richard isn’t as bad or as creepy as he originally seemed. Maggie (Holly Deveaux) knows that Richard is a creepy perv, the type who walks in on her when she’s in the shower and who, when he discovers that she’s been drinking beer, uses the knowledge for sexual blackmail. Being molested and abused by her stepfather, Maggie resorts first to self-harm and then to running away.

Maggie finds herself living with a drug dealer and his traumatized girlfriend. Both Richard and Peg are searching for her but both have different plans for what to do when they find her.

What Worked?

I know that the plot probably sounds extremely melodramatic and, in a way, I guess it was. But, that’s okay. This is a film that used melodrama to make a very real and important point about the consequences of abuse. This a very well-done and very heartfelt film.

It took me a while to recognize William McNamara, who gives an all-too realistic performance as the monstrous Richard. When we first meet Richard, the film wisely plays up his dorkiness. We know he’s a bad guy but we’re still shocked by just how bad and dangerous he ultimately turns out to be. Paula Trickey also does a good as Peg, portraying her with a combination of regret, disillusionment, and, as the same time, a cautious hope for the future. However, the film really belongs to Holly Deveaux, who gives an empathetic and compelling performance of Maggie, one that reveals both her pain and her inner strength.

What Did Not Work?

I have to admit that, towards the end of the film, I kind of rolled my eyes when one final secret about Richard was revealed. At that point, he was already such a bad guy that revealing the reason why he was so rich felt like overkill. Other than that, though, I would say that the entire films worked.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

As someone who was an angry, rebellious, and often self-destructive teenager, I related to Maggie. Holly Deveaux’s performance captured all of the emotions. Though the whole movie, I was cringing as I had flashbacks to all the times that I was tempted to get on a bus and go wherever it took me.

(Seriously, for about a year and a half, I had this ludicrously romanticized fantasy about getting on a bus, traveling to random towns, and spending a year filling up my notebooks with my thoughts on America. After I talked about it one too many times, my sister Megan drove me down to the Greyhound station in downtown Dallas and we spent an hour watching people get on and off buses. The sights and the smells — well, mostly the smells — of actual bus living pretty much ended that fantasy.)

Lessons Learned

You can’t run away from your problems but you can beat them over the head with a baseball bat.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #163: Deadly Sorority (dir by Shawn Tolleson)

Posted on May 7, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Deadly Sorority!

Why Was I Watching It?

You have to give the people at Lifetime some credit. I often give them a hard time for the way that they retitle movies to give them more of a “Lifetime-y” feel but Deadly Sorority is a perfect title. According to the imdb, this movie was originally called Undergrad Nightmare. Deadly Sorority is such an improvement that I don’t even know where to begin. It was enough to convince me to watch.

(Of course, I would have watched anyway because the movie was on Lifetime but, for the purpose of this review format, let’s pretend like the title was the sole reason.)

What Was It About?

Sam (Greer Grammer) and Kris (Emilija Branac) have been BFFs since high school but, once they arrive at Barclay University, things start to change. Kris gets accepted into an exclusive sorority and soon, her new “sisters” are telling Sam to stay away. When Kris is murdered, Sam suddenly finds herself as the number one suspect. Everyone says that Sam was obsessed with Kris and jealous over her new friends.

In order to prove her innocence, Sam is going to have to catch the real murderer. Was it Kris’s frat boy boyfriend? Was it the lecherous professor or his wife? Was it the creepy guy who lives upstairs from her? Was it one of Kris’s sorority sisters? Was it … well, actually, that’s all the suspects. It’s a small school.

What Worked?

I absolutely loved Barclay University, which was located up in the mountains, had nice, big dorm rooms (during my first year of college, I lived in a dorm that didn’t even have air conditioning), and — as far as I could tell — only three or four professors. There weren’t many students either. Sam and Kris’s history class only had about 12 students in it. As someone who hated the anonymous feeling of being one of many students in a gigantic lecture hall, I appreciated that.

The sorority was effectively creepy. However…

What Did Not Work?

…the sorority itself really didn’t figure much into the plot. There were a few effective scenes of all of the sisters staring at Sam dismissively but otherwise, the sorority was just a big, pink-clad red herring. Deadly Sorority is a great title but Undergrad Nightmare was actually a more accurate title. Usually, I don’t mind a misleading title but, when you promise a deadly sorority, you need to deliver.

The identity of the murderer also felt a bit random to me.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I related to Sam, who had a wonderfully snarky attitude and said whatever was on her mind. Unlike Sam, I was actually invited to join a sorority but I turned them down because I was busy being a nonconformist. I kind of regret that choice because, according to what I’ve seen on Lifetime, joining a sorority would have led to several years of adventure and melodrama. At the very least, I would have had a few hundred more closets to borrow from.

Oh well!

Lessons Learned

I should have applied to Barclay University.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #162: Manny Dearest (dir by Chad Krowchuk)

Posted on April 30, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, as thunder rumbled outside and the skies were lit up by lighting, I curled up on the couch and I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Manny Dearest!

Why Was I Watching It?

A Canadian film called Manny Dearest? As soon as I saw the title, I assumed that it had to be a sequel to Degrassi: The Next Generation, one that would follow Manny Santos as she searched for love and success in Hollywood.

(Before you say that was a silly assumption on my part, just consider the number of Degrassi actors who regularly appear on the Lifetime network.)

Anyway, it turned out that I was wrong but I was already live-tweeting the movie so I kept watching.

What Was It About?

Karen (Ashely Scott) needs someone to help watch her two sons. Alex (Mitch Ryan) is a male nanny, otherwise known as a manny. Now, if this was a Hallmark film, Karen and Alex would fall in love and Alex would end up dumping her fiancée, a recovering alcoholic named Greg (Woody Jeffreys). But, since this is a Lifetime film, Alex turns out to be just a little crazy. Not only does he become obsessed with Karen and plot to get Greg out of the picture but he also teaches Karen’s sons some questionable lessons about how to deal with bullies.

What Worked?

This was actually one of the better Lifetime films that I’ve seen this year. Yes, it was obvious that Alex was going to turn out to be crazy but that’s Lifetime. When you sit down to watch a Lifetime movie, you know that the nanny is always going to turn out to be crazy. It would have been a betrayal of the audience to not have Alex turn out to be just a little insane.

Mitch Ryan did an excellent job playing Alex. Even though he was crazy and a murderer and he regularly drugged other people, Alex was still strangely likable. Last night, the majority of twitter was Team Alex. We especially enjoyed it when he scared the Hell out of a bully who was giving Karen’s son a hard time. Take that, bully! Add to that, Alex cooked, he did the dishes, he cleaned the house, and, whenever he showed up at the house at 3 in the morning, he was very careful about not waking anyone up.

My favorite character was Cori (Jordan Largy), a single mother who took one look at Alex and decided that she liked what she saw. The thing I liked about Cori is that she always said exactly what was on her mind and she didn’t let anything hold her back. Cori was the type of person who, when she brought her daughters over to play with Karen’s sons, greeted Alex by saying, “We thought we’d come by for a quickie.”

At this point, it’s a bit of a cliché for me to praise a Lifetime film for taking place in a nice house but, seriously, Karen had a really nice house.

What Did Not Work?

I guess some people would say that it was a problem that the villain was a hundred times more likable than the people he was menacing but not me. This is was a fun and entertaining Lifetime movie. As far as I’m concerned, it all worked.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

At one point, when Alex tells Cori that he’s not interested, Cori responds with, “Your loss.” I once said the same thing while breaking up with someone and I felt good about myself for a whole month afterward.

Lessons Learned

I like to think that, between watching Degrassi and Lifetime films like this one, I’ve learned a good deal about Canada. For me, the most Canadian moment of Manny Dearest came when the police approached Alex and, despite having guns, did not open fire on him. Restraint, it’s very Canadian.

Love you, Canada!

Lifetime Film Review: Mommy, I Didn’t Do It (dir by Richard Gabai)

Posted on April 19, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If there’s an Eye Rolling Hall of Fame, the recent Lifetime film Mommy, I Didn’t Do It definitely has earned inclusion.

Seriously, this film was full of some championship-level eye rolling. It’s a courtroom drama and a murder mystery. Ellen Plainview (Danica McKellar) is an attorney whose teenager daughter, Julie (Paige Searcy) is on trail for murdering one of her former teachers. When Julie is first arrested, Ellen rolls her eyes. When Ellen visits Julie in jail and explains that they don’t have the money to bail her out, Julie rolls her eyes and sighs. You can just tell she’s thinking, “My God, mom, you’re so lame!” When Detective Hamer (Jaleel White) explains why all the evidence points to Julie, Ellen again rolls her eyes and Detective Hamer counters her by rolling his own eyes. When Ellen approaches the dead man’s wife (Jamie-Lynn Sigler), the wife not only rolls her eyes but narrows them as well.

It gets even better once the trial begins. The prosecutor, Kimberly Bains (Jen Lilley), rolls her eyes whenever Ellen makes an objection. Whenever a witness testifies that Julie was obsessed with the victim, Ellen rolls her eyes and then Julie rolls her eyes at her mother rolling her eyes and then Kimberly rolls her eyes at both of them. When the weird boy who is obsessed with her tries to save Julie by confessing to the murder, the amount of eye rolling probably sets a world record. In the real world, of course, this type of courtroom behavior gets people cited for contempt but, in the world of Lifetime, it’s just the way that people communicate.

Don’t get me wrong. The film itself did not make me roll my eyes. Yes, it was totally implausible and it was full of silly scenes but it’s a Lifetime film. That’s what we expect Lifetime. Even more importantly, that’s what we want from Lifetime. When it comes to a quality Lifetime film, there’s really only two rules: 1) the more ludicrous, the better and 2) the more melodramatic, the more entertaining.

While the film’s story might be ludicrous, the mother-daughter relationship between Ellen and Julie felt very real and both Danica McKellar and Paige Searcy gave sincere and believable performances as mother and daughter, which went a long way towards explaining all the eye rolling. Seriously, when I was Julie Plainview’s age, I rolled my eyes for 24 hours a day and I wasn’t even accused of murder.

Mommy, I Didn’t Do It is actually a sequel to a previous Lifetime movie, The Wrong Woman. In that one, Ellen was wrongly accused of murder and was arrested by the same idiot detective who arrests her daughter in Mommy, I Didn’t Do It. (If nothing else, these two films show how vindictive authority figures can be.) As long as this is going to be a franchise, I’d like to suggest that the next installment could feature Eric Roberts, recreating his role from Stalked By My Doctor and its sequel. Maybe he could treat Julie while Ellen defend him in court.

Seriously, it sounds like a great idea to me.

Film Review: Fatal Defense (dir by John Murlowski)

Posted on April 2, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night’s Lifetime premiere, Fatal Defense, opens with a nightmare scenario. Arden Walsh (Ashley Scott) is attacked in her home by a masked intruder. While her daughter, Emma (Sophie Guest), sleeps upstairs, Arden is bound and gagged in the living room. Fortunately, the intruder is scared off before he can do anything else but both Arden and her daughter are haunted by nightmares afterward.

What can Arden do to reclaim her safety?

Get a gun.

That was my immediate reaction. Just go out and buy a gun. The next time you think that you see someone wandering around in the back yard, fire a warning shot. If that doesn’t work, aim for the head. See, that’s one reason why I love my sister. I may be terrified of guns but she’s a great shot.

However, Arden doesn’t get a gun. Even though her totally kickass sister, Gwen (Laurie Fortier), suggests that Arden take advantage of her constitutional rights, Arden doesn’t want a gun in the house. Maybe she doesn’t trust Emma. Then again, she does live in the People’s Republic of California and it would probably be a lot more difficult for her to get a gun than it would be for me to get a gun here in Texas. Who knows?

So, since Jerry Brown won’t let her defend herself with a gun, what ever can Arden do?

She and Gwen do a google search for self-defense classes and they come across an old Geocities site for Logan Chase (David Cade). Logan not only knows how to break someone’s arm but he looks good without a shirt as well! Plus, he apparently teaches his self-defense class in a tiki bar. Gwen enrolls and, one montage later, she can now kick ass with the best of them!

(While I understand that you can learn how to do practically anything in a montage, I was still impressed. My knowledge of self-defense is basically either use mace or, if you can’t get to your mace, yell, “I don’t know you! That’s my purse!” and then kick like a Rockette.)

Unfortunately, Logan has some issues. He seems like a nice guy and a good teacher and it’s kind of sweet in a creepy way when he suddenly shows up at the Los Angeles Arboretum, where Arden is apparently one of two employees. However, Logan is soon talking about how his ex-girlfriend was murdered because she didn’t know to fight back. He also has a habit of suddenly yelling about how, if Arden doesn’t learn how to defend herself, she’ll never be able to fight off psychos like him. That may seem like a red flag but he is kind of cute and that GeoCities web site of his was pretty impressive. But then Logan suddenly puts handcuffs on Arden’s wrists and locks her in the trunk of his car. Things kind of go down hill after that…

My twitter friends and I had a lot of fun last night, watching and snarking on Fatal Defense. It was a fun and entertaining Lifetime film, one that mixed over the top melodrama with some real-world concerns. (I mean, let’s be honest. We all need to know how to defend ourselves. It’s a scary world.) This is one of those films where it’s best not to worry too much about whether or not the plot totally makes sense. Myself, I was amazed that Arden could afford such a nice and big house. I guess the Los Angeles Arboretum pays well. But, at the same time, that’s why we watch Lifetime movies! We don’t want to see the cramped apartments that most people live in. We want to see big beautiful houses and big beautiful melodrama. On both counts, Fatal Defense delivered.

That said, it’s still hard not to feel that Arden could have avoided a lot of trouble if she had just got a gun.