(Hi, everyone! I’ve been cleaning out my DVR over the past week and, today, I’ve been sharing reviews of the film’s that I watched! I recorded Nanny Seduction off of the Lifetime Movie Network on February 26th!)
Before I talk too much about Nanny Seduction, I want to engage in a little speculation.
First off, looking at the credits, I noticed that several crew members of Nanny Seduction have also been involved with some of the shark films that usually show up on SyFy in the week before the premiere of the latest Sharknado. That wasn’t a shock. SyFy and Lifetime movies often tend to be produced by the same companies. But what I loved about Nanny Seduction is that, in the very first scene, a child is seen receiving a book about sharks for her birthday! I’m assuming that was an inside joke and I absolutely loved it.
Secondly, I’m going to guess that Nanny Seduction and A Deadly Affair were both filmed at roughly the same time. Not only do the two films share several actors in common but I’m also pretty sure that the main house in A Deadly Affair was also the main house in Nanny Seduction. And again, I found that to be very charming. One of the fun things about watching both Lifetime and SyFy movies is making the connections between them. It’s actually rather fun to see a familiar face pop up and wonder what their role is going to be this time. It’s kind of like when Dick Miller shows up in a Roger Corman film or Giovanni Lombardo Radice pops up in one of Michele Soavi’s movies.
As for the film itself, Nanny Seduction pretty much takes the standard Lifetime nanny film to its logical extreme. Lifetime has a long history of nanny paranoia. It makes sense, of course. By hiring a nanny, you’re not only trusting your child with a stranger but, in a way, you’re also admitting that you can’t be two places at once. You’re admitting that your powers are limited. Of course, by hiring a nanny — who is inevitably always younger, prettier and more exciting than boring old mommy — you’re running the risk that the nanny will either try to run off with your child or your husband. Nanny Seduction is one of the first films to suggest that the nanny might do both.
Of course, that’s not all that Kara (Austin Highsmith) has to worry about. She also has to worry about the fact that her daughter, Erin (Lauren Gobuzzi), is adopted and that Erin’s birth mother (Erin Cahill) is apparently stalking her. And then there’s the fact that Kara’s husband, Ben (Wes Brown), has a history of cheating. Even more than the typical Lifetime protagonist, Kara has good reason to be worried when the new nanny, Alyssa (Valerie Azlynn), keeps hitting on her husband.
Speaking of Alyssa, she’s one of my favorite Lifetime nannies. It’s not that she’s any more evil than the typical Lifetime nanny. Instead, it’s just that she’s so unapologetic about it. Most evil nannies at least try to be subtle but Alyssa never even pretends to be Kara’s friend. She pretty much steps into the house and announces, “I’m going to kidnap your child and run off with your husband. Deal with it!” Alyssa is so joyfully and unapologetically evil and Valeria Azlynn is clearly having such a blast playing her that she elevates the entire film.
Nanny Seduction is a lot of fun. It embraces the melodrama and thank goodness for that!
(Once again, I am trying to clean out my DVR. I recorded A Deadly Affair off of the Lifetime Movie Network on March 5th.)
At first glance, Charlie (Alan Powell) and Mary (Austin Highsmith) might look like the perfect couple. They’re attractive. They’re apparently in love. They’ve got a nice house. Charlie has a manly job as a house renovator and he even has a badass lion tattoo on his chest.
Even better, they’re best friends with another perfect couple! Susan (Valerie Azlynn) and Trevor (Luke Edwards) are also attractive and apparently in love and they’ve got a nice house of their own! Susan’s a lawyer and Trevor has got a sexy tattoo too! Two perfect couples living so close to each other? What could possibly go wrong?
Well, Mary thinks that Charlie might be cheating on her. And Trevor says that Susan isn’t really responsive to his needs. One night, Mary and Trevor have a bit too much to drink. They end up sharing a kiss. Mary freaks out and says that she can’t cheat on Charlie, especially not with the husband of her best friend. Essentially, Mary says, “There’s no way this is going to happen.” Trevor, being a guy, interprets that to mean, “It’ll happen later.”
Later, Mary gets a call from her husband. He sounds like he’s in some sort of trouble. When he doesn’t subsequently return home, Mary goes out to the house that was renovating. Walking through the dark house, she stumbles across the dead body of her husband. Someone’s murdered Charlie!
Well, of course, the entire town suspects that Mary killed Charlie. Even her sister-in-law, the possibly unstable Crystal (Lorna Street Dopson), is convinced that she saw (and heard) Mary with Trevor. It doesn’t matter how much Mary protests her innocence. The detective (J. Terry Garces) in charge of the case thinks that she did it. The entire town thinks that she did it. Soon, Mary is running the risk of losing her teaching job. The parents don’t want a murderer teaching their kids…
In fact, it appears that only one person is willing to stand up for Mary and that’s Susan! Susan is not only Mary’s lawyer but she’s her best friend as well. But how is Susan going to react if she finds out that Mary kissed her husband…
Towards the end of A Deadly Affair, there’s a scene where the murderer says, “Thank you for begging. I appreciate that.” I love that line and it pretty much sums up the reason why I enjoyed this movie. A Deadly Affair is an enjoyably twisty and over the top murder mystery, the type of movie where characters interrupt meetings by storming into the room, shouting, “You bitch!” and then slapping someone hard. It’s a lot of fun.
And, I don’t want to give away any spoilers but I will say that the person playing the murderer did a really good job when it came time for the big reveal. It takes a definite skill to make the confessional monologue compelling but this person did it.
A Deadly Affair was a lot of fun. If you enjoy over the top melodrama (and who doesn’t?), you’ll enjoy this one.
Last night, while most you were probably watching the Democratic National Convention, my friends, the Snarkalecs, and I were watching and live tweeting a movie on SyFy called Ozark Sharks.
And you know what?
I’m glad that I was because, seriously, Ozark Sharks was a tremendous amount of fun. I’m also proud that we managed to get Ozark Sharks trending on twitter, if just because that caused a lot of confusion among the normals, many of whom seemed to assume that it was some sort of politically themed hashtag. For example:
Well, with all apologies to the political junkies of twitter, that’s not what Ozark Sharks is about.
Instead, Ozark Sharks is probably the best film that will ever be made about sharks invading a river in Arkansas. Now, if you’re asking yourself: “Why are there sharks in Arkansas?,” you’re not doing this right. The why is not important. What is important is that there are six hungry sharks in the water and they’re willing to eat anyone that they come across. Literally no one is safe. Not your boyfriend. Not your best friends. Not the guy who you were thinking of going out with in case you ever broke up with your boyfriend. Not even lovable older tourists. Ozark sharks will eat anyone.
(And they’re messy eaters, the type that regularly leave legs and arms floating in the water.)
Making things even worse, the river leads to a lake and the citizens of a nearby town are planning on shooting of fireworks at that very same lake. They’re hanging out, drinking beer, listening to country music, hanging out on the docks, and floating around in inner tubes. And little do they realize that sharks are heading straight towards them!
Luckily, hope is not lost. There’s a family that’s come down to the lake for the weekend. Will they be able to stop the sharks or are they all destined to end up as shark bait? Well, let’s consider who they are:
First off, there’s Diane (Laura Cayouette, who many of you will recognize as Leonardo DiCaprio’s sister in Django Unchained) and her husband, Rick (Michael Papajohn). I liked Diane and Rick. They were a likable couple and Cayouette and Papajohn had a very believable chemistry. You actually believed that they were married and in love and I cannot begin to say how important that was to the overall effectiveness of the film. They both committed to the roles and, as a result, Diane and Rick came across like the type of people you would want as your neighbors.
Their oldest child is named Harrison (Dave Davis). Harrison is single and could really use a girlfriend. Fortunately, he meets Dawn (Ashton Leigh), who is stranded on a rock in the middle of the river and in a pretty emotional state because she’s just seen all of her friends (including her boyfriend) eaten by a shark. Fortunately, for Harrison, that means that she is now single.
Harrison’s younger sister is named Molly (Allisyn Ashley Arm). I think the general consensus on twitter was that, by the end of the movie, Molly was everyone’s favorite character. When Molly first appears, she is defiantly insisting on reading a book and refusing to get into the river. Speaking as someone who ruined many a family vacation by doing the same thing, I immediately related to Molly. If Molly had spent the whole movie just reading her book and maintaining her indifferent attitude, she already would have already been the best character in the film. But, instead, Molly quickly emerged as the family badass, which makes her even cooler. I don’t want to spoil the film but let’s just say that if your state is ever invaded by sharks, you’re going to want Molly on your side.
Curtis (Ross Britz) is Molly’s wonderfully goofy boyfriend. More than anything, you have to love Curtis because he seems to genuinely be overjoyed to have a chance to fight sharks. Fortunately, Jones (Thomas Francis Murphy) is also around to teach Molly and Curtis how to deal with sharks. (Jones even gets to utter a line that serves an homage to Jaws. I won’t spoil it, though, because it was a fun moment that you should experience on your own.) Jones owns a bait shop but he’s also an expert in how to kill sharks and he’s got a storeroom full of all sorts of weapons. He even has a harpoon cannon, which he claims is only used to fight sharks though I suspect that it has other uses as well.
"Why do you need a harpoon cannon?" "Yankees."#OzarkSharks
— Lisa Marie Bowman (@LisaMarieBowman) July 29, 2016
(There’s another member of the family as well, but I fear that if I talk too much about her, I’ll be spoiling one of the film’s more surprising moment. So, I’ll just say that Sharon Garrison did a great job playing her!)
So, if it’s not clear already, I absolutely loved Ozark Sharks. This is one of those lovingly crafted and unabashedly entertaining films that epitomizes everything that we love about old B-movies and modern day SyFy films. This is a genuinely fun and entertaining movie, one that is meant to be watched by you and a group of your snarkiest friends.
On a personal note, I appreciate the fact that this movie got the Ozarks right. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in Arkansas. My grandmother lived in Ft. Smith and my family lived in Fouke (home of the Fouke Monster) for a year. I still visit Arkansas fairly frequently. For the record, of course, Ozark Sharks was actually filmed in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. But no matter! Regardless of where it was actually filmed, Ozark Sharks gets Arkansas right. It captures the atmosphere, the accents, and the attitudes of the Ozarks and then it throws in a nice little spin by adding sharks.
Ozark Sharks was directed by Misty Talley, who also directed last year’s Zombie Shark. Ozark Sharks shares much of the same crew as Zombie Shark (and a few of the same cast members as well, including Laura Cayouette and Becky Andrews) and they all should be as proud of their work on both films. As opposed to the rather dark Zombie Shark, Ozark Sharks is a rather light-hearted film. (Though there is one death, towards the end of the film, that definitely caught everyone watching it by surprise and got us all feeling a little emotional.) Last year, I announced that Zombie Shark was the best of that year’s SyFy original films. I think the same may very well prove to be true of Ozark Sharks.
Excluding Sunday’s premiere of Sharknado 4, Ozark Sharks was the final original film of SyFy’s Shark week. (For those interested, I’m planning on live tweeting the Hell out of Sharknado 4 and I’ll be doing not just an east coast live tweet but a second live tweet with my friends on the west coast as well!) Below, I’ve ranked them all five of the Shark week premieres in order, with number 1 being my favorite.
(Personally, I liked all five of the premieres so being ranked fifth on this list should not be taken as a criticism.)
Thank you, SyFy, for another great shark week! And, if you missed any of these premieres, keep an eye out because SyFy will probably repeat most of them during this weekend!
Through the Shattered Lens 