The Arrangement”

Posted on June 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 6 begins!

Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)

The Love Boat crew goes to Italy!

The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy. It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy! Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode. It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of the Love Boat.

Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other. Awwww! Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes. Their cruise goes better here than it did in The Poseidon Adventure.

Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo. However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith. I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time. They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.

Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage. Yeah, that is kind of messed up. She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.

Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.

Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.

Goofy! That’s the word I’m looking for.

This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun. I mean, it’s The Love Boat. The Love Boat should be silly. Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun. To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher. His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh. In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat. Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat. He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him. What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping. I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.

Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here. I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode! At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists. Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”

I enjoyed this cruise. I want to go back to Italy.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.22 and 5.23 “Pride of the Pacific/The Viking’s Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You”

Posted on April 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a special two-hour Love Boat sets sail for Alaska and adventure!

Episode 5.22 and 5.23 “Pride of the Pacific/The Viking’s Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, Originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

The Pacific Princess is sailing to Alaska!

The Sea Princess, commanded by the strict and haughty Gunner Nordquist (Ted Knight), is also sailing to Alaska. Steve Bloom (Sonny Bono) of the Cruise Ship Association has arranged for a series competitions between the crews of the two ships. At each stop, the rival crews will compete in races, tree-sawing, tug-of-war, and wrestling. The crew that wins the most competitions will receive a trophy. All of the passengers are really excited about it, though I’m not sure why. I would not want to spend my vacation watching a bunch of strangers take part in a competition that has nothing to do with me.

Gunner is determined to win. Stubing is determined to have fun. Or, at least, he is until his crew is absolutely humiliated during the second competition. When he learns that Gunner has brought in a bunch of ringers, Stubing becomes determined to win at all costs. Only the tears of Vicki can reveal to Stubing that he’s becoming a monster. Stubing realizes that he’s been pushing too hard and he apologizes to his crew. At the final stop, Stubing suggests a dog sled race between him and Gunner. Gunner agrees. Steve Bloom says it’s okay. The crowd is excited for some reason. In the end, Gunner wins the dog sled race and the competition but only because Stubing kindly refuses to take advantage of an accident that occurs during the race. Gunner announces that the trophy properly belongs to Stubing and his crew. Gunner also says that it’s okay if his son (Woody Brown) wants to become a cruise director instead of a navigator. I’m glad that all worked out….

Actually, this whole storyline made no sense to me. Beyond the fact that the passengers were oddly excited about the whole thing, I really didn’t see the point of making the members of the crew compete in stuff like tug-of-war and wrestling. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to compete to see who could be the first to reach the next port? I appreciated that at least some of this episode was shot on location. The Alaskan scenery was lovely but the whole competition storyline was just weird.

There were other storylines, of course. A couple played Charles Nelson Reilly and Charlotte Rae spent the entire cruise in their cabin, getting to know each other because they fell in love at first sight and they wanted to make sure they can handle marriage. (I can think of one big reason why Charlotte Rae marrying Charles Nelson Reilly might not work out but, this being The Love Boat, it never comes up.) Two Harvard researchers (John James and Mary Crosby) tried to come up with a pill that would make shy Dave (Douglas Barr) irresistible to women. Both of those stories were pretty boring. John James was handsome so the show had that going for it.

Slightly more interesting was the story of Harry Meacham (Tom Bosley) and his wife, Dorothy (Michele Lee). As they’re in the process of divorcing, Harry sails on The Sea Princess while Dorothy board the Pacific Princess. Of course, Doc makes his move as soon he realizes the Dorothy will soon be single. While Dorothy has a chaste fling Doc, Harry has a chaste fling with massage therapist Britta (Priscilla Barnes). Eventually, Harry and Dorothy realize they still love each other. Awwww! Yay! This story was sweet.

Otherwise, this was not the most memorable cruise to Alaska that the Love Boat has ever taken. Next week, let’s hope for no musicals and no athletic competitions. Come on, Love Boat, we all know why we’re here!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

Posted on December 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, it’s the last Julie episode.

Episode 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 1st, 1982)

Because I’ve got a cold and I’ve still got a lot to do for the holidays, I’m only going to do a mini-review for this episode. It’s not a very good episode so the less time spent talking about it, the better.

I knew this episode wasn’t going to be my cup of tea when Julie was the one who greeted Mr. Roarke as he stepped out of his office. That’s nothing against Wendy Schaal, the actress who played Julie. It’s just that the episodes in which Julie helps out Roarke are never as good as the Tattoo episodes. Ricardo Montalban and Wendy Schaal just didn’t have the same type of entertaining chemistry as Montalban and Herve Villechaize.
I think a huge part of the problem with Julie is that she is Roarke’s goddaughter and spends a lot of time looking up to him and treating him like a father figure. Tattoo and Roarke were, more or less, equals and they could relate to each other on a much more honest and, by the standards of the show, realistic fashion.
As for the fantasies, neither one is very interesting.
Mary Ann Mobley plays Nancy Carsons, who was adopted and raised by an Indian chief. Nancy]s fantasy is to fulfil the Chief’s prophecy and conquer a thunderbird. Apparently, only by doing this can Nancy prevent the tribe from falling apart when the Chief dies. The problem is that the thunderbird is a mythological bird who does not exactly exist.
However, there is a squadron of airplanes known as the Thunderbirds and they’re visiting Fantasy Island. Can Nancy, who is a licensed pilot, fly one of those plans and kind of make the prophecy come true?
Of course, she does! And she also falls in love with Major Wood (Patrick Wayne) so, not only is the Tribe saved but Nancy will now be doing even more flying.
If the Thunderbirds fantasy was just kind of bland, the “Big Bet” fantasy is downright offensive, with Corky Daniels (John James) making a bet with his co-workers that he can have sex with Playpen model, Judy Moreau (Lydia Cornell). Judy just happens to be on the Island, accompanied by Playpen published ~~Hugh Hefner~~ Al Henshaw (Edd Byrnes).
Corky tells Judy a lot of lies to get her to fall for him. When Judy finds out about the bet, she’s so upset that she …. sleeps with Corky anyways. But then Corky doesn’t tell his friends about sleeping with Judy and loses the bet which proves to Judy that he really does love her.
Now, let’s give credit where credit it due. Both Roarke and Julie tell Corky that he’s being a sexist pig. I always like it when Roarke gets offended with his guest’s because Montalban always seemed to enjoy playing up Roarke’s anger. Mr. Roarke comes across as being the perfect host but you don’t want to get him mad.
Corky and Judy leave the Island together. Judy should have tossed Corky in the lagoon.

We’ve got one episode left in season 5. I checked and it’s a Tattoo episode, which means this week’s episode was Julie’s grand finale. Unfortunately, it’s not really much of a finale. Julie’s sudden presence on the Island was never really adequately explained, though it was kind of nice to be reminded that there’s always a lot taking place on the Island and Roarke doesn’t always have time to oversee every little thing. I suppose Roarke probably has many assistants who we rarely see.

Because of the holidays, this is my final Fantasy Island review of 2024. I will resume reviewing Fantasy Island on January 7th!