Tag Archives: Horrorthon

The Film of Dario Argento: Two Evil Eyes

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1990, long-time friends George Romero and Dario Argento collaborated on Two Evil Eyes, anthology film that was based on the writings of Edgar Allan Poe.  An Italian-American co-production, Two Evil Eyes featured two stories.  The first was directed by George Romero, while the second was directed by Argento.

The Facts In The Case of Mr. Valdemar

(Dir by George Romero)

The first story is Romero’s, a modernized version of The Facts In The Case of M. Valdemar.

Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is the 40 year-old wife of 65 year-old, Ernest Valdemar (Bingo O’Malley).  Jessica only married Ernest for her money and, now that he’s on his death bed, she and her lover, Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada), have hypnotized to him to do and say whatever they tell him to say and do.  Even though Ernest is essentially comatose, the hypnosis allows them to force Ernest to sign his name to legal documents and to tell his suspicious attorney (E.G. Marshall) that he indeed wants to leave all of his money to Jessica.

When Ernest dies while under the influence of hypnosis, Jessica and Robert attempt hide his body in the basement.  But is Ernest really dead?  Jessica is convinced that she hears groaning from the basement and she wonders if the hypnosis has somehow left Ernest in limbo, between life and death.  Robert thinks that Jessica is being foolish but it turns out that she’s not.  After much paranoia and betrayal, one conspirator is dead and the other is a part of the living dead.

Usually, I like Romero’s work but this one didn’t work for me.  From the flat cinematography to the shallow performances, this film felt more like an episode of a television show than anything else.  Perhaps if it had been a stand-alone film, Romero could have found a way to make the material a bit more cinematic.  (The story’s final shot, of blood dripping on a hundred dollar bill, is the film’s strongest moment and the part that feels the most Romeroesque.)  But as a shortened chapter of an anthology film, it fell flat.

The Black Cat

(Dir by Dario Argento)

The Dario Argento segment is based on several different Poe stories.  While the majority of the story is taken from The Black Cat, it also contains elements of Annabel Lee, Telltale Heat, The Pit and the Pendulum, and Buried Alive.  Though this segment doesn’t really work, it’s obvious that Argento is a fan of Poe’s work and, for other Poe fans, there’s a lot of fun to be found in all of the Poe references that Argento sneaks into his story.

Harvey Keitel stars as Rod Usher, a crime scene photographer who loves his work a bit too much.  He’s excited about the fact that his book of photography is about to be published.  He’s less happy about the fact that his girlfriend, Annabel (Madeleine Potter), has adopted a black cat that is constantly glaring at Rod.  Rod is eventually driven mad by both the cat’s apparent hatred of him and the fact that the cat itself keeps showing up no matter how far he goes to get rid of it.  (This film features violence against a cat, which I hated.  But it also featured a cat getting revenge and I appreciated that.)  Eventually, Rod’s paranoia leads to violence and murder.

Look, this is a film about a guy who has an obsessive hatred of a cat.  Obviously, this is not a film that I’m going to enjoy because I love cats.  That said, I can still judge the film on its merits, even if it’s not for me on a personal level.  While Argento is able to build up a good deal of tension and suspense in this film, the overall film doesn’t work because Harvey Keitel, supremely talented actor that he is, was totally the wrong choice for Rod Usher.  Keitel, who reportedly did not get along with Argento during filming, gave a self-indulgent performance that featured a lot of bellowing.  It’s as if Keitel is trying to compete with the constantly moving camera.  The problem is that a star of a film like this has to be the director and Keitel’s histrionics take the viewer right out of the story.

Considering all of the talent involved, Two Evil Eyes is a disappointment.

The (Reviewed) Films of Dario Argento:

  1. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage
  2. Cat O’Nine Tales
  3. Four Flies on Grey Velvet
  4. Deep Red
  5. Suspiria
  6. Inferno
  7. Tenebrae
  8. Phenomena
  9. Opera

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films: Special Jean Rollin Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order!  That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!

Today’s director: the master of French surrealism, Jean Rollin!

4 Shots From 4 Jean Rollin Films

Requiem For A Vampire (1971, dir by Jean Rollin)

Night of the Hunted (1980, dir by Jean Rollin)

The Living Dead Girl (1982, dir by Jean Rollin)

Two Orphan Vampires (1997, dir by Jean Rollin)

Horror Film Review: The Return of Swamp Thing (dir by Jim Wynorski)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

What fresh Hell is this?

The 1989 film Return of Swamp Thing is one of the many bayou-set films that I’ve watched recently.  On most streaming sites, it is listed as being a “horror film” and there’s a few horror elements to be found in the film.  There’s mutants and hybrids and evil moonshiners.  There’s a lot jokes that are so corny that you might get scared just from hearing them.  I can accept the idea that this film is technically a part of the horror genre but the film is more of a comedy than anything else.  That’s not a complaint on my part, by the way.  I knew what I was getting into as soon as I saw that it was directed by Jim Wynorski.  Jim Wynorski has been poking fun at himself and his films for longer than I’ve been alive.

Return of Swamp Thing is a sequel to Wes Craven’s 1982 Swamp Thing, a film that I haven’t seen but which I’ve been assured was considerably more serious than the sequel.  (That’s the difference between Craven and Wynorski.)  The film features Louis Jourdan as Dr. Arcane, a mad scientist who lives in a mansion in Louisiana.  Dr. Arcane is obsessed with finding the secret to immortality, which he thinks lies in splicing together different strands of DNA.  As a result of Arcane’s experiments, the swamp is now crawling with bizarre human/animal hybrids.  The bayou is no longer a safe place but, fortunately, the bayou has a protector!  Swamp Thing (Dick Durock) is a human-plant hybrid who wanders around the swamp and beats up evil doers.  Swamp Thing is described as being a humanoid vegetable but he really just looks like a stuntman wearing a green costume.

Abby Arcane (Heather Locklear) is Dr. Arcane’s stepdaughter.  She thinks that Arcane had something to do with her mother’s death and, of course, he did.  Abby heads down to the swamp to confront Arcane but, unfortunately, it turns out that she’s in over her head when it comes to surviving in the bayou.  When she’s not being chased by the weird mutant creatures, she’s having to deal with toothless moonshiners.  Do you know what the worst bayou is?  Bayouself!  (Did I already tell that joke this month?)  Fortunately, Abby is not alone for long because Swamp Thing emerges from the water and protects her.  Abby quickly falls in love with Swamp Thing.

“I’m a plant,” Swamp Thing tells her.

“I’m a vegetarian,” she replies, which I guess means she’s going to cannibalize Swamp Thing after he’s no longer any use to her.  Yikes!  Look out, Swamp Thing!

Dr. Arcane wants to use Abby’s DNA for his experiments.  Swamp Thing decides to protect Abby and the two dumbass kids who keep following him around.  It’s time for a battle in the bayou!

Obviously, Wynorski does not approach this material seriously or with a hint of subtlety and that’s definitely the right approach to take.  The sight of Louis Jourdan in the Louisiana bayous is so ludicrous that you have no choice but to laugh at it.  That said, the film is never quite as funny as one might hope.  It’s easy to imagine it working as a 30-minute pilot for a Swamp Thing sitcom but, as an 90-minute film, it quickly runs out of gas.  Louis Jourdan looks bored but Dick Durock is amusingly earnest as Swamp Thing.  Heather Locklear shows a flair for comedy but the box office failure of The Return of Swamp Thing pretty much ended her film career before it began.

After this, I think I’m going to avoid the swamp for a while.

Horror Film Review: The Tingler (dir by William Castle)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1959 film, The Tingler, opens with a middle-aged man standing on a stage and speaking directly to the audience.

“I am William Castle, the director of the motion picture you are about to see. I feel obligated to warn you that some of the sensations—some of the physical reactions which the actors on the screen will feel—will also be experienced, for the first time in motion picture history, by certain members of this audience. I say ‘certain members’ because some people are more sensitive to these mysterious electronic impulses than others. These unfortunate, sensitive people will at times feel a strange, tingling sensation; other people will feel it less strongly. But don’t be alarmed—you can protect yourself. At any time you are conscious of a tingling sensation, you may obtain immediate relief by screaming. Don’t be embarrassed about opening your mouth and letting rip with all you’ve got, because the person in the seat right next to you will probably be screaming too. And remember this—a scream at the right time may save your life.”

When this film was first released in 1959, William Castle wasn’t lying in this warning.  Certain audience members would feel the tingling sensation of fear because some theaters agreed to wire certain seats with buzzers that, when activated, would give the viewer a tingling sensation.  Castle also arranged for certain theaters to fake an attack by the film’s monster, complete with the houselights coming up, a woman screaming and pretending to faint, and the voice of Vincent Price encouraging everyone in the audience to scream because “the Tingler is loose in the theater!”

Uhmm …. that sounds like fun.  When it comes to William Castle’s gimmicks, there’s a lot of documentation concerning what Castle arranged but there’s not as much documentation about how people reacted to being buzzed while watching a movie.  Hopefully, everyone screamed, played along, and had fun.  Personally, I probably would have left the theater during the chaos and snuck into a showing of Anatomy of a Murder.

As for the film, it stars the great Vincent Price as Warren Chapin, a pathologist who is investigating the source of fear.  As he explains to his colleague, Dave Morris (Dwayne Hickman), he believes that the tingling that people feel at the base of their spine is actually a living creature that is formed by fear.  The only way to kill the creature is to scream.  If you don’t scream, the creature will eventually snap your spine.  Well, I guess you better scream then.

Anyway, Dr. Chapin confronts his wife Isabel (Patricia Cutts) over the fact that she’s cheating on him.  He pulls a gun on her and, as she begs for his life, he fires.  She collapses but fear not!  The gun was loaded with blanks and Dr. Chapin just wanted to scare her so that he could x-ray her back and see if the Tingler was forming on her spine.  Dr. Chapin is overjoyed when the Tingler shows up on x-rays but now, he needs to bring a Tingler into the real world….

(I’m not sure why you would want a Tingler but whatever….)

One of Chapin’s friends is Ollie Higgins (Philip Coolidge) who owns a movie theater with his wife, Martha (Judith Evelyn).  Martha is deaf and mute and therefore cannot scream.  When Ollie deliberately frightens her, the Tingler appears on her spine and snaps it.  At the subsequent autopsy, Chapin is able to remove the Tingler from Martha’s spine.  The Tingler, which is a giant centipede that likes to crawl up people’s legs, gets loose and needless to say, all tingling heck breaks out.

Wow, this is a silly film!  There’s is absolutely nothing frightening about a plastic centipede being pulled across the screen by wires.  But, at the same time, it’s a Vincent Price film and Vincent knew exactly how to play his mad-but-not-evil scientist, delivering his lines with the perfect combination of snark and melodrama.  This film came out the same year as another Castle/Price collaboration, The House on Haunted Hill.  It’s nowhere near as good as The House on Haunted Hill but The Tingler is still a lot of fun in its silly way.  It won’t make you scream from fright but you might laugh really loudly.

Horror On The Lens: Tales From The Crypt (dir by Freddie Francis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s Horror on the Lens, we have 1972’s Tales From The Crypt, a British anthology film which features The Crypt Keeper (Ralph Richardson) informing five strangers of how they will die.  This classic, all-star film was based on stories that originally appeared in the Tales From The Crypt comic book.

In general, I’m not a huge fan of anthology films but Tales From The Crypt is an exception to that role.  It’s an entertaining collection of macabre stories and the cast is to die for …. maybe literally!

This Amicus-produced movie is probably best remembered for the segment in which Joan Collins is menaced by an evil Santa but the whole thing is good.

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 6.2 “Tough Guys Don’t Whine” (dir by Jorge Montesi)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s give some credit to whoever came up with the title of tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker!

In this episode, Alan Thicke plays a skeevy movie director who likes to pretend to be a tough guy.  When he hooks up with the girlfriend of a genuine tough guy, the director discovers that he’s not quite as streetwiswe as he thought he was.  The Hitchhiker doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for anyone involved.

This episode originally aired on September 28th, 1990.

October Hacks: Sleepaway Camp (dir by Robert Hiltzik)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So much attention has been devoted to dissecting and discussing the ending of 1983’s Sleepaway Camp, that I think people tend to overlook the bigger issue.  This film is the biggest argument against summer camp over filmed.

Seriously, don’t send your kids to camp!  Don’t get a job working at a camp!  Don’t live anywhere near a camp!  If someone tries to open a camp near your home, gather together a posse and run them out of town!  If you discover an abandoned camp within one hundred miles of your home, set the place on fire!  Camps are bad news.  They attract bullies and tragedy and murder.  If there’s anything that I’ve learned from watching the horror movies of the early 80s, it’s that summer camps mean trouble.

Consider the camp in Sleepaway Camp.  Even before the murders start, the place comes across as being a prison camp.  Seriously, I’ve seen a lot of summer camps in a lot of slasher films and it’s hard to think of any of them that look as shabby and dirty as the camp in Sleepaway Camp.  None of the campers appear to be happy to be there.  No one is allowed to leave.  The campers are divided into two groups, the bullies who rule the place like mini-tyrants and the poor kids who spend the entire summer being beaten up and taunted.  Not even the counselors are worth much.  Counselor Meg (Katherine Kamhi) is best friends with the camp’s main mean girl, Judy (Karen Fields).  Meg is the type who tosses a camper in the lake, just because Judy tells her to.  Meanwhile, the owner of the camp is named Mel (Mike Kellin) and he’s just an old perv who doesn’t want to bothered with anyone’s problems.  What type of horrific world is this?

And then, let’s consider some of the murders at the camp.  The skeevy camp cook get scalded with boiling water.  (It’s debatable whether the cook actually dies or not.)  Kenny, one of the camp’s bullies, get drowned while playing a canoe-related prank.  Another bully is stung to death by bees.  That’s just three of the many deaths here and yet, the camp never closes.  It never occurs to the camp’s owner to send anyone home.  It never occurs to anyone that maybe they should send the campers to another camp.  None of the deaths lead to an increased police presence nor does it lead to any changes with the camp’s schedule.  None of the campers appear to be particularly upset by all the deaths.  It’s a disturbing world.

Everyone who dies at the camp earlier picked on Angela (Felissa Rose), an introvert who ends up getting targeted by Judy.  Angela’s cousin, Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten), is very protective of Angela and, as a result, he becomes the number one suspect.  As the film’s ending reveals, the truth is something much different.  The film ends with a justifiably famous shot and it does stick with you as the end credits role.  It’s tempting to read a lot of meaning into the film’s ending but I imagine that’s giving the filmmakers a bit too much credit.  The film was made for 1983 audiences who were looking for a shock, not 2023 cultural critics.

Even before that ending, though, Sleepaway Camp is a bit more creepy than the average 80s slasher film.  The killer is relentless and ruthless and it’s disturbing that the victimized campers are played by performers who are close to the age of their victims as opposed to the usual 30 year-old who played teenagers in these type of films.  The scene with the curling iron is something that I can only watching through the fingers that I’m holding in front of my eyes.  It’s not a great film by any stretch of the imagination but it does definitely capture the feel of being at the worst summer camp imaginable (seriously, one can hear the flies buzzing and even smell the stale order of stopped-up plumbing) and it does stick with you after you watch it.  It’s nothing to lose your head over, it’s just too bad no one told that to the campers.