As I scrolled through the “Recommended” movies on Tubi last night, I came across this one movie, CHRISTMAS CRASH, that intrigued me. It sounded sort of like a Hallmark movie, but it starred Michael Madsen, an actor I couldn’t possibly imagine in a Hallmark movie. Check out this description on Tubi… 

“An unhappily married couple is presumed dead after their private plane crashes in the woods, but reconnects as their survival offers a second chance.” 

All bad grammar aside, it was very late at night and I was looking for something that required zero functioning brain cells, and this seemed to fit the bill. Also, I had recently watched Madsen in the theatrical release of KILL BILL: THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR, where he was so good, so I thought I’d check out his performance as the husband reconnecting with his wife, played here by Alexandra Paul (BAYWATCH). 

After watching CHRISTMAS CRASH, all I can say is that I still can’t imagine Michael Madsen in anything that resembles a Hallmark movie. To say that he was “miscast as the beleaguered husband attempting to reconnect with his wife while attempting to survive the trek back to civilization after the plane crash” just may be my understatement of the year. There was nothing about his performance that seemed remotely realistic from the very beginning to the very end. Still, his uncomfortable line delivery, whether it be in a tense board meeting, out in the middle of the woods, or at a Christmas party at the end of the movie, is my favorite part of the movie. It was oddly enjoyable in a way that I can’t quite explain. Alexandra Paul does come off a little better as she proves to have some determined survival instincts, but this will not be on anyone’s list of career highlights. 

CHRISTMAS CRASH has some pretty Canadian scenery as the married couple fly their plane over some beautiful mountains before crash landing in a beautiful, frigid lake. Luckily for them though, they’re able to swim to the shore, start a small, but obviously very warm, fire and somehow not succumb to hypothermia. And the weather, at least based on the news reports their terrified daughters are seeing on TV, is so terrible that search and rescue efforts have to be suspended. The problem is we never see any of this bad weather. What we’re shown looks fine! I laughed out loud when I saw that weather report coupled with beautiful sunshine! I will admit that I was worried about the big gash on Madsen’s lower leg after the accident, especially since it looked so dirty. But after the initial application of a homemade tourniquet, it wasn’t really mentioned any further. After about thirty minutes of screen time with no grody scenes of leg re-dressing, I quit worrying about it. And then there are the wolves that attempt to make a snack of our couple. I’ve seen THE GREY with Liam Neeson and I’ve been to Yellowstone, so I know that wolves are very dangerous. Let’s just say that the wolves of CHRISTMAS CRASH are too easily fended off with a medium-sized stick to ever feel too dangerous. There was this one moment where it appeared a wolf might have been biting on Madsen’s injured character for a moment, but after they run off, it’s never mentioned or shown that he was injured in any way, so I guess that wolf didn’t have any teeth. 

My initial thoughts on at least a superficial connection between CHRISTMAS CRASH and the Hallmark channel did prove perceptive, as the movie is directed by Terry Ingram. A quick review of Mr. Ingram’s directorial credits on IMDB reveal an extensive connection to Hallmark, with generic titles such as HATS OFF TO CHRISTMAS, ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR LOVE, and THE MISTLETOE SECRET. Despite the director’s apparent love of the season and the fact this movie is titled CHRISTMAS CRASH, it sure doesn’t feel very Christmassy. With extremely limited changes, this movie could be set in any season, so don’t expect any feelings of genuine Yuletide spirit. 

Overall, I’d say the best thing about CHRISTMAS CRASH is that it’s a 90 minute movie that has potential value in a “so bad it’s funny” kind of way. I think it would be fun to watch with friends, or as a “Live Movie Tweet” on social media. I watched the whole movie, had a few unintentional laughs, and when it was over around 1:00 in the morning, I went to bed none the worse for the wear.