Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.7 “The Funny Girl/Butch and Sundance”

Posted on October 25, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

Sorry, Mr. Roarke, there’s not much to smile about when it comes to this episode.

Episode 1.7 “The Funny Girl/Butch and Sundance”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 18th, 1978)

At the start of this episode, Tattoo is all excited because his birthday is coming up and he remembers that, last year, he partied all night and a bunch of beautiful women celebrated with him. Mr. Roarke promises Tattoo that things will be different this year. This year, Mr. Roarke says, there will be no presents. Tattoo will play a game of chess and drink a glass of sherry and maybe there will be a cello recital. Tattoo, needless to say, is disappointed.

Ignoring Tattoo’s anger, Mr. Roarke introduces him to the latest guests at Fantasy Island and it turns out that their fantasies are almost as disappointing and boring as Mr. Roarke’s plans for Tattoo’s birthday. Kay Penny (Marcia Strassman) is apparently the world’s most successful comedienne even though she never comes across as being particularly funny. Her fantasy is to move to small town where no one knows her. That sounds like a pretty lousy fantasy but whatever.

Bill (Christopher Connelly) and Alex (James MacArthur) are two friends who want to be Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid for a weekend. They’re huge fans of the film, though it appears neither one of them ever stuck around for the end. Mr. Roarke takes Bill and Alex to an old west town (perhaps the same one that we saw a few weeks ago) and Bill and Alex get to live out their fantasy while trading quips and robbing banks. The problem, for those of us who are watching then, is that neither Christopher Connelly nor James MacArthur can compare to Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Eventually, though, the great character actor William Smith shows up as a visitor whose fantasy is to be Wyatt Earp. He attempts to arrest Butch and Sundance. They outsmart him and then Bill and Alex go home, satisfied. Good for them but what about the guy who wanted to be Wyatt Earp? Does he get his money back? Seriously, I don’t think being humiliated was a part of his fantasy.

Meanwhile, Kay finds herself living in a small town. Using the name Katherine Patrino, she gets a job as the receptionist for a veterinarian (played by Dennis Cole) and she also helps the vet’s silent son get over the recent loss of his mother. She also tells a lot of jokes, none of which are particularly funny. The best thing about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke disguised himslef as a clown and showed up at the small town’s Founders Day Festival.

And then Tattoo did the same thing.

Anyway, during the festival, a dog was hit by a truck but Kay helped to bring it back to life and that brought a tear to my mismatched eyes. Otherwise, this was a very forgettable trip to Fantasy Island.

On a positive note, though, it turned out that Mr. Roarke was just joking and Tattoo got to have a wild party after all. Good for him, he earned it!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/16/22 — 10/22/22

Posted on October 22, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched very little television this week because I’ve been preparing for Halloween! I’ll have to get caught up on what I’ve missed later. Or, I’ll just shrug off the previous two episodes of Bachelor in Paradise. These are the difficult life choices that we all face.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Janine’s insistence that the kids drink more juice leads to a crisis at Abbott! Meanwhile, Ava continues to be the best character on the show. This was a funny episode, though Gregory is going to have to tell Janine how he feels at some point soon or I’m going to start to lose respect for him. Melissa and her teacher’s aide provided a lot of good laughs. I have a feeling I would be a pretty annoying teacher’s aide, as well.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

The Amazing Race goes to Jordan! The scenery was lovely and, after struggling over the last two legs of the race, Claire and Derek finally had another good day. Yay! I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Earn, Van, and Lottie go camping! After last week’s wild episode, this week was definitely a bit more low-key. This episode was a funny, well-acted, but somewhat melancholy exploration of Earn and Van’s relationship. Earn wants Van to go to Los Angeles with him. Van said that she loves Earn but the episode ended without a decision on moving to L.A.

Bubblegum Crisis (Nightflight Plus)

I watched the second episode of this anime on Saturday morning. There were robots and a lot of explosions and the bad guys were referred to as being “boomers,” which made me smile. I have no idea what’s going on but the visuals are impressive.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Check out this week’s review of Fantasy Island here!

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

The ghosts tried to save a tree and Thor became an environmentalist. It was funnier than it sounds.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

For the first time this season, it was men vs. women. And shockingly enough, the men pretty much destroyed the women during the service. Usually, it’s the opposite on Hell’s Kitchen. The women usually come together during their first dinner service while the men struggle. It usually takes a while for the women to start fighting with each other. Chef Ramsay was so angry that he demanded three nominees from the women. Ramsay sent home the chef who he felt had lost her passion to win. No, I cannot remember her name and yes, I’m too lazy to look it up.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

Check out this week’s review of The Love Boat here!

Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode of this old show, one that featured interviews with music video directors. The video for Duran Duran’s A View To A Kill was discussed. That song, incidentally, is one of my favorite James Bond songs.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I reviewed this week’s episode here!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 1.6 “Treasure Hunt/Beauty Contest”

Posted on October 18, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone! Smiles! My fantasy is to get this week’s review over with because, to be honest, this was one of the less interesting episodes of the original Fantasy Island. So, let’s get to it!

Episode 1.6 “Treasure Hunt/Beauty Contest”

(Directed by Allen Baron and George McCowan, originally aired on March 11th, 1978)

For this week’s episode of Fantasy Island, we have two so-so fantasies and a lot of scenes of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo arguing with each other. After having an almost brotherly relationship over the past few weeks, Roarke and Tattoo both seem kind of annoyed with each other during this episode. If I had to guess, I’d say that the episodes are probably being shown out of production order and this episode was written and filmed before the show’s producers were sure what the overall tone of the show should be.

Indeed, the first fantasy features Mr. Roarke allowing three people to search for a lost pirate’s treasure on an isolated part of the island. He does this despite the fact that the terrain is dangerous and that he knows that one of the three treasure hunters is planning on killing the other two. When Tattoo points out that a murder would be bad for business, Roarke kind of shrugs Tattoo off. Indeed, in this storyline, Roarke comes across as being rather aloof, as if he has little concern for the troubles of humanity.

As for the three treasure hunters, they are Stu Chambers (Michael Callan), his wife Andrea (Jo Ann Harris), and their friend James (Peter Haskell). Stu is under the impression that James and Andrea are carrying on an affair and, as Mr. Roarke mentioned, he is planning on killing the two of them. Fortunately, he changes his mind during the fantasy and, instead of murdering his wife and his best friend, he instead helps them survive when they get trapped in a cave. In the end, they don’t get the treasure but they do win back their ability to trust each other. One has to wonder what the consequences would have been if Stu had gone through with his original plans. Is there a Fantasy Island police force? Would Tattoo be forced to arrest Stu? Who knows?

Meanwhile, in the other fantasy, Maureen McCormick plays Sally Quinn. Sally is the daughter of a legendary beauty pageant winner. She wants to follow in her mother’s footsteps and win a pageant herself. However, Roarke — who seems far more invested in Sally’s fantasy than the treasure hunt fantasy — figures out that Sally’s real fantasy is to win the love of her father, Neville (Gene Barry). In the end, Sally doesn’t win the pageant but she does learn that there’s more to happiness than being beautiful.

To be honest, both of the fantasies in this episode are pretty dull and predictable. But we do learn a little bit about what Tattoo actually does on the island. He’s the accountant. He starts the show complaining that Mr. Roarke doesn’t charge enough for the fantasies. Tattoo then says he has a fantasy. Mr. Roarke laughs him off, saying that candy shop employees never develop a taste for candy. WHAT!?

We also learn that Roarke and Tattoo enjoy playing Monopoly but Tattoo apparently cheats by using loaded dice. And, to be honest, the thought of Roarke and Tattoo arguing over Boardwalk is such an appealing one that it saves the entire episode.

As for next week’s episode …. hopefully, it’ll involve even more Monopoly!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/9/22 — 10/15/22

Posted on October 15, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching movies but I did catch a few shows. Here’s some thoughts on them:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Ava is such a cool principal! This week’s episode wasn’t as strong as the previous three episodes but the scenes in which we saw how Ava dealt with disciplinary problems were entertaining. “I want to go to the principal’s office!”

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I reviewed the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Another crazy day at the mall. I’m glad Al survived. Earn and Darius got their shoes. The Crank Dat Killer was taken off the streets. Some Guy Named Doug finally got to collaborate with Al. Another day in Atlanta.

Bachelor in Paradise (Monday and Tuesday Night, ABC)

Eh. This season is too complicated for me. The scenery’s nice.

Baywatch (Weekday Morning, H&I)

I watched an episode of Baywatch on Wednesday morning. After an accident left him paralyzed, Manny had a crisis of confidence. Meanwhile, Neely and Mitch continued to argue on the beach. This was an episode from Baywatch’s final season. It was all a bit silly but the scenery was nice.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

You can read my review of what I watched by clicking here!

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

In the first episode, Aunt Becky went back to work and Danny panicked because it meant his new girlfriend would be leaving Wake Up, San Francisco. Fortunately, she got hired to do weather so I guess that all worked out. Becky going back to work reminded me of how little Jesse actually does.

In the second episode, a singer was hired to perform at Stephanie’s birthday party. Stephanie had a crush on him but he had a crush on DJ. The singer was like 30 so he really shouldn’t have had a crush on either of them.

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

Poor Jay! He just wants some friends, like his wife has with the ghosts. Unfortunately, he always seems to end up finding the worst possible friends around. This week, he nearly got sucked into a cult. Perhaps Jay should follow the ghost’s advice and become a snake oil salesman.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

O’Shay being eliminated was not a huge surprise. It really should have happened last week, when he tried to send out raw chicken. The episode ended with Chef Ramsay announcing that the 20s vs. 40s competition was over and the show was reverting back to its usual women vs men format. Again, this wasn’t a huge surprise. Hell’s Kitchen, unlike several other reality shows, has pretty much stuck with its original format and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

Interview With A Vampire (Sunday Night, AMC)

I’m still struggling to get into this one, for whatever reason. I’ll give it another try next week and maybe rewatch the first two episodes as well.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the criminal was a serial killer who was also a famous actor. The episode wasn’t anything special but at least it wasn’t obnoxiously political.

Law & Order: Organized Crime (Thursday Night, NBC)

I watched it but I’d be lying if I said I remembered a thing about it, beyond Stabler looking like he was about to give himself a heart attack with all of his pent-up rage.

Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)

Again, I watched it but I don’t remember much about it. By broadcasting all of these Law & Order shows on the same night, NBC is causing them to blend together in my mind.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed what I watched here!

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

I honestly thought last week’s episode was the season finale but it turns out I was wrong! A new episode dropped on Thursday. Beavis and Butt-Head building their own dinosaur was hilarious and also sad. “Why did we do this?”

The Real Love Boat (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Who cares? The old Love Boat is more fun.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I reviewed the latest episode of Survivor here!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I didn’t pay much attention. Chris Hardwicke seemed kind of bored with it all.

The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I hate to admit it but I have yet to find the time to write out full length reviews of the past two episodes of The Walking Dead. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to do it next week. As for last week’s episode, it was an improvement on the episode that came before it. I’m kind of bored with the downfall of the Commonwealth, though. I think the show made an excuse taking that long break before starting the final half of season 11. I was really into the show before that break but now I’m struggling to get reinvested.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time for another trip to Fantasy Island, the most dramatic mystical island this side of Lost! This week, we have three fantasies and Tattoo tries to grow mustache.

Episode 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on February 25th, 1978)

This episode begins with the bell ringing and Tattoo yelling that the plane is arriving. Before Mr. Roarke and Tattoo drive off to greet the plane, Mr. Roarke tells Tattoo to wash his face because he has what appears to be a smudge on his upper lip. Tattoo explains that he’s growing a mustache because all of the world’s great lovers (including, Tattoo says, Burt Reynolds) have mustaches. Tattoo’s effort to grow a mustache is a running joke through this episode of Fantasy Island. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for him. Eventually, he resorts to using shoe polish. By the end of the episode, Tattoo finally washes his face and presumably returns to doing whatever it is that he actually does on the island.

As for the fantasies….

Renee Lansing (Carol Lynley) is a high-priced New York “call girl” who just wants to take a vacation some place where no one knows what she does for a living. At first, the fantasy seems to be going well. She even meets a nice guy named Bill (Paul Burke). But then, on the tennis court — OH MY GOD, IT’S ONE OF HER CUSTOMERS! Renee runs off to Mr. Roarke’s office and demands her money back. Mr. Roarke tells her that she’s not being honest with herself about what her fantasy actually is. At this point, I was really wondering what one goes through when one signs up to Fantasy Island. I assume some sort of agreement has to be signed. Does the agreement actually state that Mr. Roarke gets to decide what your fantasy actually is? Renee’s fantasy was to not be recognized. She’s been recognized. GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY, ROARKE!

Anyway, it all turns out for the best. Bill reveals that he also knows who Renee is (GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY!) but he doesn’t care because he’s secretly been in love with her for years and apparently, it was his fantasy to be reunited with her. Good for Bill but Renee still didn’t get her fantasy. Someone needs to introduce her to a good lawyer.

Meanwhile, Jack Kincaid (played by the master of overacting, Christopher George) is a race car driver who has never mentally recovered from a serious crash. His fantasy is to reexperience the crash so that he can get back his confidence. Mr. Roarke goes through a lot of trouble to build an exact replica of the race track on which Jack crashed. He even brings Jack’s mechanic, Corky (Alan Hale, Jr.), to the island. Fortunately, Jack’s wife (Carol Lawrence) convinces Jack that he has nothing to prove. So, Jack doesn’t get his fantasy but he does become a better person.

Did anyone get their fantasy this week!? Actually, Mr. Brennan (Jerry Van Dyke) did. Mr. Brennan shows up in one scene and tells Roarke that he loved his fantasy, which was apparently to play tennis without having to deal with his wife nagging him …. wait, what? That’s the fantasy that Roarke actually honors?

I’m starting to think Fantasy Island might be a scam! We’ll find out more next week, I guess.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.4 “Family Reunion/Voodoo”

Posted on October 4, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone! We have two very strange fantasies this week and a few memorable guest stars!

Episode 1.4 “Family Reunion/Voodoo”

(Directed by George McGowan, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

Finally! After four weeks of trying to figure out how exactly the island works, I finally watched an episode that explained what Tattoo’s actual job is. Apparently, Tattoo is an accountant. It’s his job to keep track of how much money the island has in its treasury and to order stuff for the resort. It’s also his job to rent things for the fantasies. This episode, he mentions that it’s not cheap to rent a bear. Mr. Roarke gives him a slightly disapproving look but no matter. Tattoo’s correct. Bears are not cheap.

As for the fantasies, they’re both kind of strange in this episode.

The more peaceful of the fantasies involves Tony (Tom Fridley) and Ann (Kathy Kurtzman) and their desire for their parents, Harry (John Gavin) and Evelyne (Juliet Mills), to get back together. The fantasy involves tricking Harry and Evelyne into returning to the summer camp where they first met and having them fall in love all over again. (Yes, it’s The Parent Trap, all over again.) Unfortunately, Harry and Evelyne are accompanied by their new significant others, Stuffy McBorington (David Hedison) and Slutty LaGolddigger (Mary Frann.) Actually, I guess those weren’t really their names but they might as well have been. Fortunately a sudden rain storm and a visit from the expensive bear convinces Harry and Evelyne to dump Stuffy and Slutty and give love another chance. Yay!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, Mr. Roarke has recreated a Haitian rubber plantation! Jane Howell (Lauren Tewes, who I’ve also been watching on The Love Boat) is an amnesiac who might be the daughter of the plantation’s owner. She, her adoptive parents (Howard Duff and Marjorie Lord), and her fiancé (Gary Collins) spend the night at the plantation. However, it turns out that they’re not alone. Mr. Roarke has also brought over a voodoo priest (Ernie Hudson!) who is determined to drive Jane mad! It’s a really weird story that ends with not one twist but two. It’s also an effectively creepy story, which makes it all the stranger that it’s paired with a light-hearted Parent Trap homage.

To me, the most interesting thing about this episode is that so many of the guest stars were veterans of the horror (or at least, the supernatural) genre. The Family Reunion storyline features Juliet Mills (Beyond The Door), David Hedison (The Fly), and John Gavin (Psycho). (Interestingly enough, David Hedison played Felix Leiter in two James Bond films while Gavin would have played Bond in Diamonds are Forever if Sean Connery hadn’t agreed to return to the role.) Meanwhile, Voodoo features Lauren Tewes (who appeared in Eyes of a Stranger and Twin Peaks: The Return) and Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters). It’s an interesting mix of actors and it’s fun to see them all wandering around the island at the same time.

I enjoyed this episode. Family Reunion was agreeably silly while Voodoo was creepy and melodramatic. Add to that, Ricardo Montalban seemed to be having a genuinely good time as the mysterious Mr. Roarke. He made the island seem like a fun place to visit, even with the bears and the voodoo hijinks.

Next week, more fantasies! And more smiles!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.3 “The Prince/The Sheriff”

Posted on September 27, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Fantasy Island! Is everyone smiling?

Episode 1.3 “The Prince/The Sheriff”

(Directed by Phil Bontelli, originally aired on February 11th, 1978)

The third episode of Fantasy Island is about two men searching for a simpler way of life.

Peter D’Antonoli (Dack Rambo) is the prince of the nation of Andoli. As Mr. Roarke explains it, Peter is on the verge of becoming one of the last true monarchs, someone who not only wears a crown but who sets governmental policy. Peter has never known what it’s like to be one of the common people and he feels that he should give it a try before he takes power.

Mr. Roarke arranges for Peter to get a job on a fishing boat. Apparently, there’s a small fishing village located near the Fantasy Island resort. I’m just three episodes into the original series and I have to admit that I’m already confused about about how Fantasy Island operates. The pilot and the first two episodes suggested that Fantasy Island was a magical resort that belonged exclusively to Mr. Roarke. But, with this episode, it is revealed that there is a fishing village near the resort and that the blue collar fisherman resent all of the people who hang out at the resort. So, is Fantasy Island actually a nation, one that has many different village and an economic class system? Is Mr. Roarke the president? Has Fantasy Island been invited to join the United Nations? And why is the Fantasy Island fishing village full of people who look like they belong in a second remake of The Fog? Is Fantasy Island near New England? Is it off the coast of Maine? Seriously, this is a confusing place.

Anyway, Mr. Roarke arranges for Peter to get a job on a fishing boat, where he befriends a fisherman named Jamie (Ed Begley, Jr.). Jamie immediately notes that Peter must be new to the fishing industry because his hands don’t have any callouses. Jamie explains that he’s been a fisherman his entire life. (So, did Jamie grow up on the island?) Peter learns about generosity from Jamie and about rejection from Chris Malone (Lisa Hartman). Peter falls in love with Chris as soon as he meets her but Chris has lived a tough life and she doesn’t want to marry someone who is just a fisherman. Peter struggles to explain that he’s actually a prince. Chris doesn’t believe him. Peter says that there are things more important than money. It leads to a big argument but fear not! Things work out for everyone. Chis becomes a princess. Peter learns humility. And Jamie gets a new boat and remains trapped on the island….well, okay. Things worked out for almost everyone.

Meanwhile, John Burke (Harry Guardino) is a tough New York cop who wants to go back to a time when there weren’t any liberal DA’s letting criminals out of the street. He wants to be an old west marshal! Mr. Roarke mentions that “the old west fantasy” is Fantasy Island’s top seller. He takes Burke to a western town. Burke asks about the people who live there. “They’re not robots, like in that movie, are they?” No, Mr. Burke, it’s not Westworld! It’s Fantasy Island!

It turns out that the two men who Burke believes murdered his partner had a similar fantasy and they’re living in the town as well! Marshal Burke sets out for revenge but, with the help of saloon owner Julie (Sheree North), he learns that upholding the law with mercy is more rewarding than seeking blind vengeance. Burke and Julie leave the island but fear not. Mr. Roarke is sure that someone else will show up and request the old west fantasy. It’s their biggest seller, after all.

(So, Fantasy Island really was just like Westworld….)

The prince storyline was silly. The old west storyline was also silly but Harry Guardino gave a pretty entertaining performance as John Burke. This episode also featured a visit to the Fantasy Island disco, which I appreciated. Why go to the old west when you can dance?

Next week …. more fantasies!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.2 “Bet A Million/Mr. Irresistible”

Posted on September 20, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Fantasy Island! Who will have a fantasy this week and what will be left of them?

Episode 1.2 “Bet A Million/Mr. Irresistible”

(Directed by John Newland and Cliff Bole, originally aired on February 4th, 1978)

In the second episode of Fantasy Island, a bit more was revealed about the resort.

First off, it only costs $6,000 to travel to Fantasy Island and have a fantasy. (In the pilot, it cost $60,000.) I assume that, with inflation, it would cost a bit more today but still, $6,000 seems like a pretty good deal for something that could potentially change your life. However, we also learn that Mr. Roarke doesn’t always charge full price. In fact, it appears that he often allows people to come to the island for free. Tattoo thinks that is a little bit foolish and it is. I mean, it’s a big resort. I imagine it must not be cheap to run the place.

Secondly, in this episode, we discovered that Fantasy Island has a house band. They play in the lounge and they are totally funky. Check them out:

Finally, in this episode, we are introduced to the Fantasy Island casino. Apparently, if a visitor “breaks the bank” at the casino, they can play for a chance to win the island itself! However, Mr. Roarke insists on being at the table if anyone plays for the island and Mr. Roarke has magical powers so you can be sure that he’s never going to lose.

The casino plays a huge role in one of this episode’s two fantasies. Fred Wade (Henry Gibson) sells hotel supplies for a living. His friends call him “Mr. Hotel,” which he apparently considers to be a compliment. Fred and his wife (Jane Powell) come to Fantasy Island. Their fantasy? A chance to talk to wealthy hotelier Otis Hayden about a resort that Fred wants to build and run. (It seems like it would have been smarter to actually make running the hotel the fantasy but what do I know about the hotel business?) Mr. Roarke informs Fred that, if he wants his fantasy to come true, he’s going to have to approach Hayden in the casino and play some card games. Fred admits that he doesn’t have any money. Mr. Roarke explains that Tattoo has totaled up all of Fred’s assets (including his house and his car) and, as such, Fred has $40,000 to play with. Fred agrees to do so because this isn’t creepy at all.

Things don’t go so well. Fred meets Hayden and makes his pitch. But, in the process, he loses $30,000 and, the next morning, Hayden leaves the island without talking to Fred about his plans. Fred nearly gives up on his dreams but then he decides to bet his remaining money at the casino. With his wife at his side, Fred has an early run of luck. He wins over a million dollars. He gets to play for the ownership of Fantasy Island! And …. he loses the final hand.

Not to worry though! This is Fantasy Island! Just as Fred and his wife are preparing to leave the island, words comes through that Hayden wants to build the resort. And Hayden sends Fred a cashier’s check for $49,000! Fred learns a valuable lesson about never giving up hope.

Meanwhile….

Gangly Chuck Sheffield (John Schuck) wins a free trip to Fantasy Island in a contest. His fantasy? He wants to know what it’s like to be irresistible to women. It’s not that he doesn’t love his fiancée, Stephanie. It’s just that Chuck doesn’t want to get married and then spend the rest of his life wondering. To me, it sounds like he’s just looking for an excuse to cheat. However, Tattoo sympathizes with Chuck.

In fact, Tattoo looking for love was a major subplot during this episode.

Mr. Roarke gives Chuck the “love root,” a cologne that makes Chuck irresistible to every woman that he meets. Again, Tattoo thinks that it’s a wonderful idea.

And, at first, Chuck thinks it’s a wonderful idea.

However, Chuck soon has every woman on the island fighting over him and all of their boyfriends want to beat up Chuck! Chuck learns to appreciate the life he has, despite the power of the love root.

Surprise, surprise! It turns out that the love root is just scented water and that the entire contest was fake. Stephanie arranged for Chuck to go to Fantasy Island so that he wouldn’t have any lingering regrets once they got married. I would not do that for my boyfriend.

Anyway, this episode of Fantasy Island was fairly silly but at least Mr. Roark and Tattoo got to do a bit more here than they did last week. Henry Gibson and Jane Powell were sympathetic as the couple with a dream. John Schuck was a good actor but not even he could redeem Chuck. Seriously, Stephanie, you deserve better! The important thing is that the resort looked lovely and, since it only costs $6,000, I know where we’re all going on our next vacation!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 1.1 “Escape” / “Cinderella Girls”

Posted on September 13, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, smiles, everyone….

Episode 1.1 “Escape/Cinderalla Girls”

(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on January 28th, 1978)

Last week, while reviewing the Fantasy Island pilot, I commented on the fact that Mr. Roarke seemed to be a bit sinister, almost as if he took delight in the idea of mortals discovering that their fantasies weren’t as wonderful as they were expecting.

In the first regular episode of Fantasy Island, it’s made clear that, while Mr. Roarke may occasionally act like he doesn’t care, it’s only to teach a lesson.

When internationally renowned stage musician Gregory Udall (Bert Convy) requests that he be allowed to perform the world’s greatest escape, Mr. Roarke doesn’t appear to be the least bit concerned when Udall is transported to Devil’s Island, the infamous French island prison. Devil’s Island was known for being escape proof. It was also known for being harsh even by the prison standards. 75% of the people sentenced to Devil’s Island died before their sentence ended. When Udall reaches the island, he discovers that the Warden (Reggie Nadler, best-known for playing the vampire in Salem’s Lost) doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. He’s also told, by another prisoner named Ipsy Dauphin (Robert Clary), that Mr. Roarke regularly abandons people at the prison!

After Udall’s first escape fails, he is visited in the island’s infirmary by Mr. Roarke himself. Udall says that he’s ready to give up and opt out of the fantasy. Mr. Roarke informs him that failure is not an option. He also suggests that Udall enjoy his cigarette because….

Agck!

Fear not, though, Mr. Roarke is not evil. Instead, he’s just giving Udall the extra push that he needs to not only successfully escape from the prison but to take Ipsy with him as well. Udall not only gets his confidence back but he also saves another human being. Mr. Roarke may have seemed harsh but it was only to make sure that everyone got something out of the fantasy. As well, it’s revealed that Ipsy was not actually prisoner but was instead Fantasy Island’s head chef.

Mr. Roarke is far more cheerful in the episode’s other fantasy. Georgia Engel and Diana Canova want to know what it’s like to be wealthy so they not only get makeovers but they also get a lot of new clothes. Of course, being wealthy also means that they’ll be expected to bid at a charity auction that is being held on Fantasy Island. (Apparently, Fantasy Island also doubles as a resort for people who don’t have fantasies but just want to spend the weekend hanging out by the pool.) Georgia Engel ends up running away with a prince. Diana Canova falls in love with an idealistic doctor who is played by John Saxon. Does the doctor care that she doesn’t actually have any money? Fortunately, it turns out that the doctor is poor himself. Yay!

As you may have guessed, the first episode was a strange mismash of tones. On the one hand, you had a silly but sweet story about two friends who wanted to pretend to be rich. On the other hand, you’ve got a harsh prison story featuring Reggie Nadler as a desiccated villain and uber-70s actor Bert Convy as a stage musician. It really shouldn’t work but it does, largely because the idea of the island is so appealing and Ricardo Montalban seems to be having fun in the role of Mr. Roarke. Plus, who can resist John Saxon pretending to be from Texas?

The premiere episode got Fantasy Island off to a good start! Would that continue next week?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/4/22 — 9/10/22

Posted on September 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here are just a few thoughts on what I watched as I continued to spend this week preparing for the greatest month of the year, October!

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

Poor Gabby! What a mess. She went from being the bachelorette that ever man wanted to date to the bachelorette who now only has one man left to compete for her, a man to whom she’s not even sure she is ready to become engaged. Meanwhile, Rachel has got three men to choose from and it’s hard not to feel that it’s going to be a disaster no matter who she picks. Gabby and Rachel were picked for this season largely because of how badly they were treated during the previous season of The Bachelor but, if they were hoping for a better experience this time around….

If Meatball were still on the show, he could marry both Gabby and Rachel and all of these problems would be solved.

Big Brother (All The Time, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I’ve been writing about Big Brother over at the Big Brother Blog. The season is winding down. That’s a good thing because I’m actually starting to get really bored with the show. All of the really interesting players have been voted out of the House. I’m predicting we’re going to end up with a Turner/Brittany final two and Big Brother Twitter is going to erupt in outrage.

The Challenge (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Enzo is doing a lot better on The Challenge than he did either time he played Big Brother. If you come for Enzo, you better not miss.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I watched a few episodes this week and I wrote and scheduled a review for each one of them. The Island is lovely.

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

DJ volunteered at an assisted living facility and decided that it would be a good idea to bring one of the residents home with her. Personally, I would think that this would lead to DJ losing her volunteer gig but everything worked out in the end. Being a Tanner apparently provided you with a magic shield that protected you from the consequences of your actions. This was followed by an episode in which Stephanie decided that it was time to get serious about her dancing. I could barely watch, it was so cringey.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I watched 16 episodes of Hang Time this week. Somehow, I survived. Look for the reviews in the weeks to come.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

Hathaway took a holiday to Croatia, where he helped paint an orphanage. It was very much a Hathaway thing to do. With Hathaway gone, Lewis was free to finally pursue a relationship with Dr. Hobson. Yay!

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

How exactly are Old Beavis and Butt-Head still alive? That’s what I found myself wondering as I watched the latest episode of Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head. Old Beavis destroyed both of his original kidneys and then destroyed his new kidney because he didn’t like the person who donated it to him. That’s certainly his choice to make but seriously, how is he going to recover from something like that?

Then again, how are Young Beavis and Butt-Head going to recover from drinking acidic pesticide? I can’t lie, I worry about the boys. They need someone to step in and say, “No, don’t drink that!” But I don’t blame Mr. Anderson giving them the pesticide because he was just trying to help. If anything, Mr. Anderson is perhaps my favorite character on the show because I’ve got someone just like Mr. Anderson living at the end of the block. He means well.

Night Shift (Night Shift Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode about the “second British invasion” of the early 80s. The episode featured music videos from Duran Duran, The Human League, and few other bands of the era. The Human League video was for Fascination, which made me happy.