Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.2 “The Big Dipper/The Pirate”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  How silly can things get this week?

Episode 2.2 “The Big Dipper/The Pirate”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on September 23rd, 1978)

Pete Raymond (Dan Rowan) and his daughter, Harmony (Jill Whelan), are professional pickpockets who are hiding out from a determined NYPD Detective named Broylan (Cameron Mitchell).  What better place to hide than Fantasy Island?  After stealing a ticket to the island from a reverend, Pete discovers that “his” fantasy is to work on a farm.  Of course, as you probably already guessed, the fantasy is actually Harmony’s.  She wants her father to calm down and live a normal life, away from committing crimes and fleeing the police.  At first, farmwork seems to agree with Pete but then Broylan shows up on the island.

I’ve often wondered about the legal status of Fantasy Island.  Is it an independent nation or is it territory of the United States or a member of the Commonwealth?  Some of the episodes during the first season suggested that Fantasy Island was a territory of the United States.  However, in this episode, Roarke reminds Broylan that the NYPD has no jurisdiction in Fantasy Island and that the island is not required to turn anyone over to America.  Pete is eventually arrested but Mr. Roarke explains that the Fantasy Island magistrate has ruled that Pete and Harmony can stay on the island and work on the farm.  When Broylan demands to know who the magistrate is, Mr. Roarke replies that he is.  So, apparently, we are now back to Fantasy Island being a separate nation where Mr. Roarke makes and interprets all of the laws.

The legal status of Fantasy Island was probably the most interesting thing about this fantasy.  It’s always fun to see Cameron Mitchell playing an obsessed cop but Dan Rowan gives a lousy performance as Pete and it’s never really clear how Harmony was able to set up the fantasy in the first place.  I mean, it obviously took a lot of planning on her part.  Did Mr. Roarke charge her the full price or is she another one of the freeloaders that Tattoo is always complaining about?

The show’s other fantasy is even more ridiculous and, not coincidentally, it’s also a lot more fun.  Painter Ted Cavanaugh (Sonny Bono) is upset that his ex-wife Mary (Diana Canova) is going to be marrying some stuffy rich guy so he asks to be transformed into an 18th century pirate so that he can kidnap Mary and convince her that she’s still in love with him.  WHAT!?  It’s totally completely ludicrous but …. I don’t know.  Sonny Bono is kind of funny as a pirate.  If you’re going to have a silly fantasy, you might as well go out and make it as silly as humanly possible and that’s definitely what happens here.  Fortunately, it all works out in the end.  Who can resist a pirate?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/11/22 — 12/17/22


I did a lot of binge watching this week so the list below probably less impressive than it actually is.  Anyway, here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week:

California Dreams (YouTube)

Yay!  I’ve finally reaches season 3, which is what most people consider to be the start of “classic” California Dreams.  I like season 3 because it’s the season that introduces the character to whom I most relate, Lorena.

Casey Anthony: Where The Truth Lies (Peacock)

I finally watched the Casey Anthony documentary on Peacock.  This was basically a three-episode interview with Casey and the creepy weirdos who have been supporting her since she got away with murdering her daughter.  Whoops, did I just show my bias?  Oh well.  Casey claims that she has spent the last ten years in hiding but now, she’s finally ready to tell her story and try to get people to blame her father for Caylee’s death.  Of course, as many people have pointed out, Casey has frequently been seen at bars, concerts, and protest marches over the past ten years so I’m not really sure I’m buying into her social anxiety argument.  Nor am I buying that Casey suddenly decided that it was time to present her side of the story.  We all know that she got paid to appear in this documentary.  Time are tough, especially when your claim to fame is that you probably got away with murdering your daughter.

Here’s a few thoughts I jotted down:

Casey cries a lot but she never actually gets any tears in her eyes.

Casey does a lot of performative cursing whenever she’s trying to convince the viewer that she was treated unfairly but it all sounds forced.

If nothing else, Casey obviously understands the power of presenting yourself as being a victim in today’s society.

After her acquittal, Casey was more or less adopted by two older men and two older women who worked on her defense team.  The scenes in which they all meet and tell Casey how proud they are of her are creepy.  One gets the feeling that Casey played on their paternal and maternal instincts in much the same way that she tries to manipulate the people watching the show.

The documentary makes one valid point, which is that the case against Casey was made up largely of innuendo and appeals to emotion.  But then, the entire third episode uses the exact same technique to smear George Anthony as being a pedophile and a murderer.  The documentary mentions that neither George nor Casey’s brother chose to respond to Casey’s accusations against them but, to be honest, why should they?

A few cops are allowed to explain why they think Casey is guilty.  As opposed to when Casey speaks, they don’t get the benefit of heroic music playing in the background during their interviews.  As well, there are no animated recreations of the police’s theory of what happened.  Casey, however, not only tells her side but is helped by animated recreations of her story.

Not mentioned during the program was the claim that lead defense attorney Jose Baez told one of his investigators that 1) he was sleeping with Casey and 2) Casey had confessed to murdering Caylee.  Indeed, for all the time that the program spent detailing how the members of Casey’s defense team have “adopted” Casey, it appears that she’s no longer in contact with Jose Baez.

Also not mentioned was that a real-life woman named Zenaida Gonzalez received death threats due to Casey lying about where she had left Caylee.

I never thought I’d see a true crime documentary as one-sided and smarmy as A&E’s The Murder of Laci Peterson but Casey Anthony: Where The Truth Lies proved me wrong.  Shame on everyone involved and shame on me for watching it.

Don’t Pick Up The Phone (Netflix)

This disturbing, 3-part documentary from Netflix took a look at the so-called Strip Search Phone Call Hoaxes of the 90s and the early aughts.  For several years, someone repeatedly called fast food restaurants and, after claiming to be a cop, said that one of the female employees had been accused of theft and that it would be necessary for the managed to strip search them.  A lot of managers saw through the hoax and hung up but, disturbingly, a large number of them followed the orders of the caller.  (The film Compliance was based on one such call.)  This was a disturbing and sad documentary but an important one.  It took a look at what happens when authority is blindly trusted.  There’s very little people won’t do under the pretense of “just following orders.”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!  And then I watched several more episodes, reviews of which will appear over the next few weeks.

Law & Order: SVU (Hulu)

After watching Don’t Pick Up The Phone, I watched a 2009 episode of Law & Order: SVU that was inspired by the Strip Search Caller.  Robin Williams played the caller.  It was a pretty uneven episode, as SVU tends to be sometimes.  Williams had some good moments but overall, it was a bit too heavy-handed.  At one point, Williams’s caller became a political activist and appeared on Morning Joe.  “Did you guys catch Morning Joe?” Captain Cragen asked his detectives and I had to laugh.  I’m sure blue collar New York cops schedule their entire day around catching the MSNBC lineup.

The Love Boat (Paramount)

I watched a few episodes this week.  Check out my latest review here!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I was surprised when Gabler won but the more I think about it, the happier I am with the result.  I wrote about the finale of Survivor at Reality TV Chat Blog!

 

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.14 “Call Me Lucky/Torch Song”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the first season of Fantasy Island comes to a close!

Episode 1.14 “Call Me Lucky/Torch Song”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 20th, 1978)

As always, this week’s episode of Fantasy Island brings us a collection of guest stars who have all flown to the island to have their fantasies granted.  However, none of these fantasies are quite as interesting as the rather bizarre relationship of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo.

I’ve often commented on the fact that, during the first season of this show, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo seemed to harbor a strong dislike for each other.  Tattoo was always complaining that Mr. Roarke wasn’t charging enough for the fantasies.  Mr. Roarke often chastised Tattoo for his attempts to hit on the guests.  Even though they were supposed to be good friends and business partners, nearly every episode seemed to end with Mr. Roarke getting rather exasperated with Tattoo.  Reportedly, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize did not get along off-screen and, as I’ve said before, it often seems like that dislike bled into their performances on the show.

This episode begins with Tattoo smoking a pipe and wearing a monocle.  As he explains to Mr. Roarke, he’s trying to be appear sophisticated so he can “get all the broads.”  He also says that he’s specifically trying to act like Mr. Roarke.  Now, I know enough about passive-aggressive behavior that I immediately realized that Tattoo’s compliment was basically his way of accusing Mr. Roarke of being a pompous jackass.  Mr. Roarke obviously figured it out as well because, a few scenes later, he takes a twenty dollar bill away from Tattoo and gives it to a guest on the island.  When Tattoo objects, Mr. Roarke suavely replies, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”  At the end of the episode, when Tattoo gets his twenty back, Roarke promptly snatches it away from him.  It’s hard not to notice that, even with two fantasies to keep an eye on, Mr. Roarke’s main concern seems to be making sure that Tattoo doesn’t get anything that he wants.

As for the fantasies, the first one deals with Harry Beamish (Richard Dawson), a degenerate gambler who has lost his family due to his need to make bets and risk his cash.  Harry’s fantasy to be the luckiest guy in the world and, for a day or so, he is.  Every bet that he makes pays off.  Tattoo even starts to follow Harry around at the race track so that he can too can make money.  (Fantasy Island has a racetrack?)  But then Harry’s ten year-old son, Joey (Brad Savage), shows up.  It turns out that Joey’s fantasy is for his father and his mother to get back together.  (Mr, Roarke mentions that he only charged Joey $5 for the fantasy so Tattoo does have a point about Roarke not charging enough.)  When Harry realizes that Joey idolizes him and is planning on following in his footsteps, Harry realizes that it’s time to stop gambling and be a father.  Awwwwww!

The other fantasy deals with Edith Garvey (Kathryn Holcomb), whose fantasy is to go back to the 20s and become a torch singer.  Under the name of Kitty Abilene, she finds a good deal of success.  She also falls in love with her piano player, Neil (Edd Byrnes).  Unfortunately, two rival gangsters go to war over who owns her contract.  Edith’s fantasy ends at the exact moment that the local speakeasy is attacked by crime boss Big Al.  Fortunately, it turns out that Neil is also a guest on the island and that he was having a fantasy of his own.  Edith and Neil leave the island together.  Awwwwww!

The fantasies weren’t bad and, being the 20s loving history nerd that I am, I enjoyed the gangster action.  But, ultimately, it was the passive aggressive hostility between Mr. Roarke and Tattoo that made this episode memorable.  The first season ended with Roarke rolling his eyes at Tattoo.  Will their relationship improve during the second season?  We’ll find out next week!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/4/22 — 12/10/22


I watched a little television this week but not a lot of it.  It’s the holidays and I’ve been busy decorating and gift buying.  Plus, I had to go the freaking DMV on Thursday to get my license renewed and that took almost all day.  Anyway, here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Abbott Elementary was cute this week.  It was kind of nice to see everyone’s life outside of the school.  I guess Ava’s boyfriend was a famous basketball player or somebody?  I will admit that I did laugh when he got out of that limo, looked down at Janine, and said, “She’s even shorter than you said.”  That said, I’m a little worried that Janine is going to settle for Maurice and fall into the same trap that she found herself in with Tariq.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay!  I was so excited when Derek and Claire crossed that finish line.  I always felt that neither one of them was really treated fairly on Big Brother so it was nice to see them get rewarded.  Plus, they’re just an adorable couple.  I wrote about the finale of The Amazing Race over at Reality TV Chat Blog.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Surf dudes with attitude …. next week, I’m starting Season 3 and I’m looking forward to it.  Season 3 through 5 are the classic California Dreams era.  Basically, California Dreams can be split into two separate parts: the pre-Lorena era and the Lorena era.  Lorena is the character to whom I’ve always related.

City Guys (Tubi)

The neat guys …. smart and streetwise …. I watched so many episodes of City Guys this week that it made my head hurt.  Read my thoughts on two of those episodes here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

Usually, Chef Ramsey seems to secretly like all of the chefs, even the ones that he sends home.  But last night, I got the feeling that his dislike for Vlad was very, very real.  I feel a bit bad for Vlad but, at the same time, using a cake thermometer to cook meat is not something that a head chef should ever do.  That’s like something I would do and there’s no way I’d last more than one dinner service on Hell’s Kitchen.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Once again, Nolan complained that he wasn’t sure if he could “morally” prosecute a case.  Fortunately, this week, McCoy kind of told him to stop bitching and just do his job.  Good for McCoy!  I mean, I have yet to see any evidence of Price’s high morals causing him to refuse his paycheck.

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

This week’s episode featured a chimpanzee and a nose job!  I wrote about it here.

Survivor (Thursday Night, CBS)

Wow!  I was stunned when Cody was voted out.  Jesse will betray anyone but I also think he’s probably now in a very strong position to win the game next week.  I wrote about Survivor at Reality TV Chat Blog.

Like I said, I didn’t watch much this week.  I’ve been busy getting ready for the holidays and for a special person’s birthday.  I hope everyone’s having a wonderful month!  Can you believe 2022 is almost over?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.13 “Fool For A Client/Double Your Pleasure”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is …. well, let’s just say that not every fantasy can be a winner.

Episode 1.13 “Fool For A Client/Double Your Pleasure”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on May 13th, 1978)

This episode begins with Tattoo suffering from a toothache and Mr. Roarke giving him a hard time about it.  Indeed, Mr. Roarke seems to take an almost sadistic delight in telling Tattoo that he shall have to see a dentist.  The relationship of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo strikes me as being an odd one.  On the one hand, Roarke allows Tattoo to handle the money and Tattoo appears to be the second-in-command.  One assumes that, if Mr. Roarke ever went on vacation, Tattoo would be left in charge.  At the same time, Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to particularly like Tattoo and he seems to take a lot of pleasure from the various humiliations that Tattoo suffers on a weekly basis.  From what I understand, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize were not exactly friends offscreen so perhaps, this is just a case of reality bleeding into fiction.

Anyway, Tattoo’s toothache is perhaps the most interesting thing about this episode.  Both of the fantasies are kind of lame.

In the first fantasy, Ken Berry plays Larry, a blue collar guy who has spent 12 years working on the Alaskan pipeline.  His fantasy is to spend the weekend with two beautiful women.  No sooner has Larry arrived on Fantasy Island, then he meets Nina (Caren Kaye).  She’s beautiful and Larry’s happy.  Then he meets Dina, who is Nina’s twin sister and, because of the whole twin thing, she’s beautiful and Larry is happy.  EXCEPT …. it turns out that there’s only one woman and her fantasy was to pretend to be a twin for the weekend.  Wait …. what?  I mean, it works out.  Dina and Larry fall in love and they leave together but it seems like Larry didn’t really get his fantasy and, at the very least, he deserves a partial refund.  

In the second fantasy, comedian Rich Little plays Herb Costigan, a paralegal who wants to be the world’s greatest lawyer.  Mr. Roarke sets him up with a house on the “other side of the island,” which Roarke explains is populated by rich people who apparently have vacation homes on Fantasy Island.  Roarke has told everyone that Costigan is a world-famous attorney.  However, when a murder occurs, Costigan is framed for the crime and soon, he’s defending himself in court!  Eventually, it turns out that there was no murder and the supposed victim just faked his death and is now wandering around the Island with a fake beard glued to his face.  It really doesn’t make any sense but this fantasy does establish that the island is, at the very least, a territory of the United States as there’s a big American flag in the courtroom.

Neither one of these stories really worked for me, largely because neither Ken Berry nor Rich Little seemed to be particularly invested in their characters.  It also doesn’t help that Berry and Little shared a superficial physical resemblance, to the extent that it was often a struggle to keep straight who was having which fantasy.

In the end, Tattoo’ toothache was the highlight of this show.  Fortunately, it just turned out to be his wisdom teeth coming in.  Take that, Mr. Roarke!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.10 “The Over-The-Hill-Gang/Poof, You’re A Movie Star!”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!

Episode 1.10 “The Over-The-Hill-Gang/Poof, You’re A Movie Star!”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on April 15th, 1978)

Uh-oh, Tattoo has a new money-making scheme!  It involves a parrot.  While the exact details of Tattoo’s schemes are a bit vague, it all involves teaching the parrot how to speak.  Again, I’m not sure how exactly that’s going to make Tattoo a lot of money but whatever.  I like parrots.

Still, it’s hard not to notice that Tattoo seems to spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to make extra money.  Tattoo is the second-in-command at the world’s most prestigious resort so you have to wonder why he always seems to be so desperate to bring in some extra cash.  It’s not like Tattoo is paying rent or even buying his own food.  That’s all provided by Mr. Roarke and the island.  Add to that, it has been implied that Tattoo is in charge of the island’s finances and that’s not a job that you give to someone who can’t handle his own money.  Maybe Tattoo isn’t looking to make money for himself.  Maybe Fantasy Island is on the verge of bankruptcy due to Roarke’s habit of giving people free fantasies.  Maybe the talking parrot is Tattoo’s latest scheme to save the Island.  If that’s the case, then Tattoo really is the secret hero of this series.

I actually wish this episode has spent more time with the parrot because that little throw-away story was still more interesting than the two main stories.  Don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t a bad episode.  It’s just a bit bland.

Shirley Russell (Barbi Benton) comes to the Island with dreams of becoming a movie star.  Mr. Roarke simply snaps his fingers and suddenly, Shirley has not only an agent but also hundreds of fans following her everywhere that she goes.  She also has a role in a big movie that will be filming on the Island!  When the film’s producer (played by a veteran sleazy guy Herb Edelman) tells Shirley that she’ll have to film a nude scene for the movie, Shirley abandons her fantasy and happily reunites with her earnest fiancé.  Barbi Benton was likable as Shirley but the fantasy itself was predictable and on the blah side.  Shirley’s shock over the proposed nude scene made me wonder if she had actually watched any movies other than The Sound of Music.

The other fantasy dealt with Spencer Randolph (Ray Bolger), an aging bank robber who wanted to pull off one last job with his old gang before marrying a wealthy businesswoman.  Bolger’s old gang was made up of familiar Hollywood character actors like Tom Ewell, Foster Brooks, and Phil Foster.  Along with getting the old gang back together again, Spencer was also able to foil a blackmail scheme.  Again, the storyline was a bit bland but the chemistry between all of the Hollywood veterans was enjoyable.  Ray Bolger was just as spry and likable here as he was when he played the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.  Interestingly enough, 39 years passed between The Wizard of Oz and this episode of Fantasy Island and Bolger was still younger than Joe Biden is today when he played Spencer Randolph, the leader of the over-the-hill gang.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/6/22 — 11/12/22


It’s my birthday and I’m up at Lake Texoma so, needless to say, I haven’t been watching much television.  That said, we just got hit by the first cold front of the season and both freezing temperatures and rain are on the way so, for the upcoming week, I may not be doing much other than staying inside and watching old TV shows.

Anyway, here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week:

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

With Quinton and Mattie getting eliminated, we are now down to five teams!  To be honest, I get the feeling that Aubrey and David are going to come out of nowhere and somehow manage to win the final leg.  That said, as a Big Brother watcher, I am rooting for Claire and Derek and, as a dancer, I’m rooting for Luis and Michelle.  I wrote about this week’s episode at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Atlanta came to a conclusion this week with an episode that somehow managed to wrap up the show’s themes while also feeling just like another episode of Atlanta.  The show ended with a celebration of the relationships between the main characters and a hint that we might all just be in a sensory deprivation tank.  It was a great ending for a good show.

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

I wrote about City Guys here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

Poor Pete!  A trashy reality show called “Dumb Deaths” wanted to shoot an episode about his dumb death.  Fortunately, a series of weird events led to them actually doing a show about the hippie’s death.  Compared to the first season, the second season has been a bit uneven but last night’s episode did make me laugh.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

It seems like Trenton should have known better than to have his wedding reception at Hell’s Kitchen.  Needless to say, things did not go well.  Chef Ramsey kicked both teams out of the kitchen and then sent home two chefs.  And really, the two teams were so incompetent that night that they left Chef Ramsey with no other option.  I will never eat another scallop.

Law & Order (Thursday, Night, NBC)

Price and Mouron humiliated a prominent activist attorney in order to get a murder conviction.  We knew the attorney was powerful because, in her office, there was a really photoshop of her standing next to Nancy Pelosi.  I’ve finally gotten to the point where I kind of like Detective Cosgrove and Jeffrey Donavon’s performance has definitely improved over last season’s one-note characterization.  That said, there’s still a self-righteousness to Price that just makes me want to throw something at the screen whenever he launched into one of his sermons.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Mid-Term Coverage (All Week, All Over The Place)

Come on, Arizona …. HURRY UP!  I swear, we knew who won in Texas on election night and this state is a hundred times bigger and more populated than Arizona and Nevada combined.  If you really want to fight against the conspiracy theories, a good first step would be to not be totally incompetent at your job.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

This week, Jeanine become the first member of the jury.  That was not a shock at all.  I wrote about this week’s episode at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.9 “Trouble My Lovely/The Common Man”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 1.9 “Trouble, My Lovely/The Common Man”

(Directed by Cliff Bole, originally aired on April 1st, 1978)

This week’s episode of Fantasy Island opens, as most of them do, with Mr. Roarke sharing a few words with Tattoo before they leave to meet the plane.  This week, Roarke is surprised to find that Tattoo wearing a turban.  Tattoo has decided that there is money to be made in being a phony mind reader.

Roarke shakes his head dismissively and then it’s off to meet the latest visitors to Fantasy Island.  Unfortunately, the fantasies that follow are so boring that you’ll find yourself wishing that Roarke had spent more time talking to Tattoo.

Don Knotts plays a Stanley Schecktler, a claims adjustor who dreams of being a hard-boiled private investigator.  He gets his wish and soon finds himself in a noirish version of Los Angeles.  Stanley is hired by Ivy Chandler (Lynda Day George) to investigate the man who is blackmailing her daughter, Peggy (Pamela Jean Bryant).  Like all good detectives, Stanley narrates the story.

Eventually, Stanley finds himself investigating an actual murder!  Mr. Roarke and Tattoo shows up to inform Stanley that his fantasy is potentially deadly.  They offer to refund his money.  (Tattoo says that he rarely ever refunds money so I guess Tattoo is the Island’s business manager.  I know that’s been mentioned in a few previous episodes but I still find it hard to believe, considering how little respect Roarke seems to have for Tattoo.)  Stanley, however, is determined to solve the murder.  This leads to Tattoo, who has switched his turban for a fedora, giving Stanley one important piece of advice:

This fantasy had potential.  What film lover hasn’t fantasized about being a character in a film noir?  Unfortunately, the execution was lacking, with the majority of the comedic lines falling flat.  Don Knotts has a few funny moments as the detective but the story itself never finds the right balance between comedy and noir.

That said, at least there was an unexpected twist to the detective fantasy.  The show’s other fantasy was not only lame but also kind of annoying.  Bernie Kopell, who was so likable as Doc Bricker on The Love Boat, is far less likable as a wimpy family man who comes to Fantasy Island with one request.  He wants Mr. Roarke to be a terrible host so that he can stand up to him and win the respect of his family.  Seriously, that’s the entire fantasy!

Sorry, dude, but you deserve to get treated like a schmo for having pay thousands of dollar just to get your family to look up to you.  This guy spent a lot of money to have a fantasy on Fantasy Island that he could get for free just by taking his family out to Denny’s and demanding to see the manager.  Seriously, this whole fantasy was a bit pointless but at least Tattoo got to try out his mind reading tricks when he and Mr. Roarke came across the Kopell sitting at the bar.

Oh well!  Not every fantasy can be a winner.  Hopefully, next week will be better.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/30/22 — 11/5/22


I’ve spent this week in a state of exhaustion as I’ve tried to physically and mentally recover from this year’s Horrorthon.  Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched over the past seven days.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

The commercial was amusing and I enjoyed the scene where everyone realized that the reason they had allowed the commercials to be filmed was because they had gotten used to being followed around by cameras.  I enjoyed hearing about the shows that the characters happened to be watching when they saw the commercial.  I’m not really sure that Abbott needs a supervillain, though.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Al moved out to a farm and nearly got killed by a feral hog.  Brian Tyree Henry’s reactions were priceless.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Surf dudes without attitude …. kinda groovy …. I watched a few episodes and wrote a few reviews that will be dropping over the course of the next few weeks.  I’ll be glad to be done with season 2 because, as everyone knows, season 3 is when this show gets good.

City Guys (Tubi)

98 Degrees played Manny High and Chris dated a goth!  You can read about it here.

Family Feud (Weekday afternoons, Buzzr)

On Monday, I watched two episodes of this deathless game show.  They were both Halloween episodes from the 80s so everyone was wearing a costume.  I have no idea who won.  Survey says, “Didn’t much attention!”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island and Leslie Nielsen here!

Ghost Whisperer (Hulu)

I watched an episode of my favorite guilty pleasure on Monday.  Jennifer Love Hewitt helped Hillary Duff deal with a ghost.  Meanwhile, Melinda’s dead husband continued to hang out in someone else’s body.  That was a weird season.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I watched a few episodes of Hang Time yesterday and today and I wrote and scheduled reviews for all of them.  Keep an eye out on Monday.

Highway to Heaven (YouTube)

I shared this episode on Monday.  Jonathan battled the devil for Mark’s soul.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Hulu)

I watched the episode in Sunday in which Mac and Dennis tried to create an economy based on Paddy Bucks.  Meanwhile, Frank chopped off a finger while trying to sale knives.  I fell off the couch laughing.

It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this classic on Sunday.  It’s a part of our Halloween tradition.  A few years ago, Erin wrote about this special and why it continues to appeal to us.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

I watched two episodes on Monday.  The first was the episode where Hank fights for the right to trick or treat.  The second was one of my favorites, in which Bobby buys a pack of Tarot cards and accidentally joins a coven.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

A fashion designer is murdered while crime spirals out of control in New York.  This was actually a pretty good episode, even if the mystery itself was rather routine.  It was an episode that acknowledged just how powerless people feel in the face of America’s current crime wave and it put the blame squarely on our elected officials.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about my latest voyage here.

Night Flight (NightFlight+)

I watched an episode of this entertainment news show from 1992.  The show contained a profile of Bruce Springsteen, some footage of Duke Ellington performing, and then a few comedic shorts featuring Charlie Chaplin, W.C. Fields, and others.

The Office (Peacock)

On Halloween, I watched the first Halloween episode.  Imagine how different the series would have been if Michael had fired Creed instead of Devin.

One World (Tubi)

I binged the entirety of this show on Thursday and Friday.  Here are my thoughts on two episodes.

Saved By The Bell (Hulu)

Zach and the gang went on a mystery weekend!  It’s about as close as this show ever got to a Halloween episode so I watched it on Halloween.  Even when Zach thought people were actually being murdered, he seemed oddly unconcerned.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!

Toy Story of Terror (Sunday Night, ABC)

I watch this special every year.  I have to admit that it’s never quite as good as I seem to remember it being but, that said, how can you not love the toys?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.8 “Superstar/Salem”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Despite being exhausted last night, I still made sure to watch the next episode of Fantasy Island before allowing myself to fall asleep.  It’s all about priorities.

Episode 1.8 “Superstar/Salem”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 25th, 1978)

After a conversation with Tattoo about Tattoo’s sudden interest in photography, Mr. Roarke heads to the docks to meet this week’s guest stars!

First up, we have Richard Delaney (Gary Burghoff) and his wife, Dora (Darleen Carr).  Dora thinks they are on a business trip but actually, Richard has a fantasy.  Despite the fact that he is short, middle-aged, and not at all athletic, Richard’s fantasy is to not only pitch in a baseball game but to also strike out the best baseball players around.

(As a side note, as soon as I saw that this was going to be a baseball episode, I woke up Erin and made her watch it with me.  Of course, it was also one in the morning at the time but still, I would have been a bad sister if I hadn’t.)

Anyway, Richard gets his chance.  It turns out that Fantasy Island is holding a charity baseball game and Mr. Roarke has told everyone that Richard is the best amateur pitcher in the world.  With the help of some Fantasy Island magic, Richard is able to strike out every batter who comes up to the plate.  (According to Erin, all of the batters were real baseball players.)  We know that Richard’s skills are due to magic because, whenever he throws the ball, we hear goofy sound effects.  (“This is dumb,” Erin said, “Why did you wake me up for this?”)  Richard is offered a try-out with the Dodgers.  Yay!

Richard immediately get a little bit full of himself but it turns out that Richard’s fantasy didn’t include becoming a professional baseball player and he loses his ability to pitch.  Unfortunately, Richard doesn’t discover this until after he tells off his boss.  Fortunately, his boss is impressed by Richard’s honesty and he gives Richard a raise.  Richard may never play pro ball but at least he’ll make a lot of money as an accountant or whatever it is that he does for a living.  Yay!  (“Is it over?” Erin asked, “Can I finally get some sleep now?”)

Meanwhile, Martha and Walter Tate (played by Vera Miles and Stuart Whitman) think that the world has become too permissive of bad behavior so they want to go some place where people are better behaved.  Mr. Roarke promptly sends them to 17th century Salem, where they are both accused of being witches and narrowly avoid being executed.  You know, Mr. Roarke, you could have just sent them to a friendly rural community in Nebraska or something.  NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A LESSON!

The best thing about the Salem storyline was that the evil and feared Dr. Whitfield, the man who ruled Salem with a iron fist, was played by Leslie Nielsen.  When we first meet Dr. Whitfield, he’s explaining how the town drunk came to die.

Dr. Whitfield wanted to hang both Martha and Walter for the sins of dancing and giving aspirin to a child.

Leslie Nielsen may be playing a villain but he delivers his lines in the same style that later made him a comedic icon.  If nothing else, that makes this episode fun to watch.

Martha and Walter end up fleeing Salem and, miraculously, they find themselves back on Fantasy Island.  Mr. Roarke says that he hopes they have had an enlightening fantasy.  Personally, if I was Mr. Roarke, I would be more worried about the lawsuit that they’re probably going to file against him.

This was a pretty silly episode but, as a general rule, I enjoy anything that features Leslie Nielsen playing a humorless villain.  Add to that, it was hard not to smile at the sight of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo casually emerging from the jungle in their white suits to greet Walter and Martha after the latter two escaped Salem.  It may have been a silly episode but it was also a fun one.  And really, what else does one expect from Fantasy Island?