For today’s special Devil’s Night edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse Trailers, we pay tribute to the werewolves!
Sadly, werewolves have been kind of overshadowed lately. Everyone loves the zombies. Everyone loves the vampires. Everyone loves the weird little creatures that secretly control the Dark Web. But, werewolves — those brave lycanthropes — have not been getting the respect that they deserve.
So, to correct that, here are 6 trailers for the wolves!
The Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
Oliver Reed as a werewolf? Hey, it makes sense. This classic Hammer film brought new fame to the werewolves of London.
2. The Werewolf of Washington (1973)
The movie has its issues but that is a great title!
3. Werewolf Woman (1976)
This is an Italian film, starring Annik Borel as a woman who thinks that she’s a werewolf. And, depending on which version of this film that you see, she might be right.
4. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Meanwhile, back in London, a young American backpacker discovers why American tourists are not universally beloved in Europe. They have a bad habit of wandering out to the moors on nights when there is a full moon. This classic film features perhaps the best scene to ever take place in a sleazy porno theater.
5. The Howling (1981)
1981 was a good year for werewolf films.
6. An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)
It’s not a very good film but …. hey! Look! Paris!
So, the 2003 film, The Hitcher II: I’ve Been Waiting, is a sequel to the original Hitcher. That’s the film where C. Thomas Howell plays a dumbass who picks up a hitchhiker played by Rutger Hauer and then kicks him out after a few miles because Hauer’s like totally insane. So, Hauer responds by murdering random people and framing Howell. The Hitcher‘s a pretty good film, largely because of the terrifying performance of Rutger Hauer as the title character.
The Hitcher came out in 1986. It got terrible reviews and didn’t do well at the box office but it found an audience when it was released on video. In fact, The Hitcher became a bit of a cult favorite, which is what it deserved to be. Then, 23 years later, a direct-to-video sequel was released and….
Seriously, this movie is so bad.
C. Thomas Howell returns, playing Jim, the same character that he played in the first movie. Jim is still haunted by what happened in the first movie. He’s a cop now but he fears that his encounter with the original Hitcher may have contributed to him using excessive force on a kidnapping suspect. Seeking some time away from the stress of it all, Jim decides to visit a friend in Texas. He and his girlfriend, Maggie (Kari Wuhrer) hit the road and, as they drive through the desert, they see a hitchhiker standing by the side of the road….
Now, I know what you’re saying. “Oh, come on!” you’re yelling. “There’s no way Jim would be make the same stupid decision twice!”
Well, you’re right. Jim doesn’t stop to pick the guy up. Instead, Maggie is the one who decides to pull over. Apparently, Jim has never bothered to tell Maggie about any of the terrible stuff that happened during the first film. Considering that Jim is apparently waking up constantly with nightmares and he’s on the verge of having a mental breakdown, you would think that all of this would be something that he would share with Maggie but no. Maggie is totally shocked when Jim later tells her that he had a bad experience picking up a hitchhiker.
Anyway, in this case, the hitchhiker is named Jack (Jake Busey) and …. wow, shock of shocks! He’s totally fucking crazy! That’s right — it’s happening again! So, Jack is chasing Jim and Maggie across the desert, murdering people and framing Jim and Maggie for the crimes. Does this sound familiar? Jim is eventually killed, giving C. Thomas Howell an excuse to never have to appear in another direct-to-video sequel. Can Maggie beat the new Hitcher at his own game?
Oh, who cares? This version of The Hitcher basically has none of the weird subtext of the first film. Unlike Rutger Hauer’s Hitcher, who seemed to be almost erotically obsessed with Jim, Jake Busey’s Hitcher doesn’t have much on his mind beyond killing people. If Rutger Hauer was all about quiet menace and charismatic intensity, Jake Busey is loud and in your face and so obviously crazy that it’s hard to have much sympathy for anyone stupid enough to pick him up.
The main problem with The Hitcher II is that it gets so damn repetitive. I lost count of the number of times that a cop showed up, refused to listen as Maggie shouted, “STOP! HE’S A KILLER,” and then got gunned down. Seriously, this film featured the stupidest cops that I’ve ever seen. The same thing keeps happening for 90 minutes or so, at which point we get a pithy one liner and then big explosion. And then the movie’s over!
Or maybe you don’t. Sometimes, I forget that not everyone can read my mind. Anyway, I used to do a weekly post of my favorite grindhouse trailers. Eventually, it went from being a weekly thing to being an occasional thing, largely due to the fact that there’s only so many trailers available on YouTube. Now, Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers is something that I usually only bring out on a holiday.
Like today!
So, here are 6 trailers for the last week of October!
Last House On The Left (1972)
“Two girls from the suburbs. Going to the city to have …. good time….” Wow, thanks for explaining that, Mr. Creepy Narrator Dude. That classic tag line about how to avoid fainting would be imitated time and again for …. well, actually, it’s still being imitated. This was Wes Craven’s 1st film and also one of the most influential horror films of all time.
2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Speaking of influential horror movies, the trailer for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is almost scarier than the film itself!
3. Lisa Lisa (1977)
I have actually never watched this film but I love the trailer. Can you guess why?
4. Ruby (1977)
Ruby, starring Piper Laurie! I’m going to assume this was after Piper Laurie played Margaret White in Carrie. Don’t take your love to town, Ruby.
5. Jennifer (1978)
Jennifer was another film that pretty obviously inspired by Carrie. In this one, Jennifer has psychic control over snakes. So, don’t mess with Jennifer.
6. The Visitor (1979)
Finally, this Italian Omen rip-off features Franco Nero as Jesus, so it’s automatically the greatest film ever made.
At this point, there’s been so many zombie films that I’m a bit burned out on the whole genre. I can still get enthusiastic for zombie films that attempt to put a new spin on the material and I still love the classic zombie films of the past. But, for the most part, new zombie films just leave me bored.
2018’s Day Of The Dead: Bloodline is technically a remake of George Romero’s Day of the Dead but, then again, almost every American zombie film that’s come out over the past twenty or so years has been a remake of something that Romero did earlier. The whole idea of an isolated military compound where soldiers plot to kill zombies (or rotters, as they’re called here) while scientists try to understand and maybe cure them has been done to death. Once again, we’ve got a fascist army guy (Jeff Gum) and, once again, we’ve got a dedicated scientist who doesn’t like taking orders from the military. The scientist is named Zoe (Sophie Skelton). She was a medical student when the zombie apocalypse began. Now, five years later, she’s trying to find a way to end it and blah blah blah, wake me when it’s over.
A good deal of the film centers around Max (Jonathon Schaech). In life, Max was a pervy stalker who was so obsessed with Zoe that he craved her name into his arm. In death, he’s a rotter who has retained some of his personality and bits of memory. For instance, he’s still obsessed with Zoe and spends a lot of time saying, “You are mine, you are mine….” However, Max’s blood potentially holds the cure for the zombie plague. And, to be honest, that’s kind of an interesting premise. In life, Max was the worst that humanity had to offer. In death, he might hold the secret for saving the world. Even as a rotter, he remains obsessed with Zoe and Zoe has to decide whether or not to destroy the man who tried to rape her or to keep him functional for the good of the world.
But …. eh. I mean, it’s intriguing but the film doesn’t really do much with it. It just becomes another zombie movie with a bunch of hardass soldiers and some scientists who don’t understand why the soldiers keep shooting everything. Who cares? We’ve already seen all of this in a hundred other movies, not to mention on shows like The Walking Dead. Neither the script nor the characters in this film are interesting enough to really justify seeing it again.
Since there’s been like 200 Puppet Master films made over the past 30 years — goddamn, 30 years of killer puppets! — I figured that maybe I should finally sit down and actually watch one of them. I decided to go with the original film that started the entire franchise, 1989’s Puppet Master!
So, basically, this is a movie about little puppets that kill full-sized people. Obviously, there’s a bit more to the plot but let’s be honest. No one who watches this movie is going to be watching it for the specifics of the plot. They’re going to be watching it because they want to see tiny puppets go on a rampage. I have to say that the puppets themselves are pretty cute. I mean, they’re murderous and a little bit pervy but they’re still really cute. I understand that all of the puppets have their own specific names but, while watching the film, I just made up names of my own.
For instance, there’s Hooky, who has a hook for one hand and a knife for the other and looks like he should be the lead singer of an aging Prog Rock band. And then there’s Drilly, who has a drill on his head. He can be really dangerous, especially if you’re stupid enough to crawl around on the floor and just stay there, on all fours, while he’s running straight at you. I mean, if you just stood up, you probably wouldn’t get that badly injured but …. well, what do I know, right? And then there’s Leechy, who is a female puppet who spits up leeches. What’s interesting is that she never runs out of leeches but I have to wonder, if you have that many leeches, why not just send them out on their own instead of stuffing them all into some poor little puppet? I felt bad for Leechy. She seemed kinda sad. And then there’s Handy, who has big hands and Facey, who can assume several different facial expressions at once. They’re all really adorable, to be honest.
Anyway, Puppet Master is about a bunch of psychics who all spend the night in a California hotel that was once home to the “last alchemist,” Andre Toulon (William Hickey). Toulon had the power to bring inanimate creatures — like puppets! — too life but, when the Nazi spies were closes in on him, Toulon killed himself. Many years later, a psychic named Neil Gallagher (Jimmie F. Skaggs) discovered Toulon’s hiding place in the hotel but then shot himself as well. So now, Neil’s former colleagues are all trying to get Toulon’s power for themselves. Or something. As I said, following the plot is not always easy. The main appeal here is watching the cute puppets do really bad things.
That said, who knew that a group of psychics and witches would prove to be so stupid? I mean, you would think that — when all of you are having constant premonitions of death and destruction — you would be smart enough to take extra precautions or maybe just leave the hotel all together. For instance, Dana (Irene Miracle) casts a protection spell over someone else but not on herself. Meanwhile, Frank (Matt Roe) and Clarissa (Kathryn O’Reilly) make the rookie mistake of having sex in a horror film while our nominal hero, Alex (Paul Le Mat, looking like he’s trying to figure out how he went from American Graffitito this), wanders around in a daze.
And yet, watching the film, I could see why it became so popular. The puppets are memorable and well-designed and the backstory, with Toulon and all the rest, is actually pretty interesting. Puppet Master is one of those films that defines “stupid but fun.” No wonder the puppets came back!
So, here’s the thing about Lisa, a horror-thriller from 1990 that shows up occasionally on This TV.
It’s got a great title.
Seriously, this film has got one of the greatest titles of all time. I would almost say that you really don’t even have to pay attention to the movie because the title itself is so perfect that the plot doesn’t even matter. The only thing that would make this title even better would be if they had added a “Marie” to the end of it but oh well. You can’t have everything.
This is a movie about a girl named Lisa and, speaking as a girl named Lisa, I have to say that it’s incredibly true to life. Lisa (Staci Keanan) is a smart and amazingly talented 14 years old and not alllowed to date by her incredibly overprotective mother, Katherine (Cheyl Holland). So, instead of dating, Lisa spends her time stalking a serial killer. See, Katherine thought she was protecting her daughter but instead, she’s only inspired her to take an even greater risk. That’s why you need to let the Lisas in your life do what they want.
Admittedly, Lisa doesn’t know that Richard (D.W. Moffett) is a serial killer. She doesn’t even know that he owns a successful restaurant. All she knows is that he looks like a model and he drives a nice car and it’s fun to follow him around Venice Beach. When she jots down his license plate numbers, she hacks the DMV to get his name, address, and phone number. Soon, Lisa is calling him up and having flirtatious conversations with him.
It’s all good fun, except for the fact that Richard is also known as The Candelight Killer and he’s got a thing about calling people and leaving them messages right before he kills them. It’s all very ritualized. For instance, it’s very important that his victims be in the process of listening to his message when he kills them. To be honest, though, that sounds like he’s taking a lot of risks. I mean, what if someone came home and didn’t immediately check their messages? Would Richard just have to hide behind the drapes for hours until the did? Of course, Richard would be even more out of luck if this movie were made today because who has an answering machine anymore?
Anyway, Richard is obsessed with discovering who is stalking him and Katherine is obsessed with keeping Lisa out of danger and Lisa just wants to actually be allowed to full celebrate having the greatest name ever. Did you know, for instance, that Lisa may have started out as a shortened form of Elizabeth but that it became so popular on its own that it was one of the most popular names in both the United States and the United Kingdom for several decades? And, even though it’s no longer in the top ten as far as names are concerned, being named Lisa is still one of the greatest honors that can be bestowed upon anyone? Lisa means God’s Promise by the way. And….
What? Oh yeah, the movie.
Well, anyway, it all leads to pretty much what you’re expecting it to lead to. Plotwise, the movie may be predictable but the Staci Keanan, Cheryl Ladd, and D.W. Moffett all gives good performances and director Gary Sherman keeps the action moving at a steady pace. It’s dumb but entertaining, kinda like cinematic junk food. Plus, it has a great title. What more do you need?
So, here’s a few good things about the 2002 film, Unspeakable.
First off, Jeff Fahey plays the governor of New Mexico. Any film that presents us with a world where Jeff Fahey can be elected governor of an actual state has to be worth something. Seriously, I’ve long thought that the country would be more interesting if actors were elected to run each state. Here in Texas, for instance, there was a movement to draft Tommy Lee Jones a few years ago. (Personally, I’d rather live under Governor McConaughey.) Steven Seagal (agck!) apparently wanted to run for governor of Arizona and, of course, Cynthia Nixon actually ran up in New York. There’s always a chance of Alec Baldwin running for something and, of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger actually did govern California for two terms. Val Kilmer, I should add, came close to running for governor of New Mexico, where this film is set! Personally, I’d vote for Jeff Fahey over Val Kilmer, It’s the eyes.
Another good thing about Unspeakable is that it features Dennis Hopper playing a crazed prison warden who rambles about how much he enjoys sending people to the electric chair. “I am God!” Hopper says at one point and you have to enjoy any scene that features Dennis Hopper saying, “I am God!” in a southwestern accent.
Another fun thing about Unspeakable is that it features Dina Meyer and Lance Henriksen as scientists! Meyer invents this weird little headband thing that allows her to look into your mind and see your thoughts. Let me repeat this for those of you who might have missed the significance: DINA MEYER HAS INVENTED A MACHINE THAT ALLOW HER TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING IN SOMEONE’S MIND! If that wasn’t amazing enough, there’s also the fact that no one seems to be that impressed. In fact, no one really cares. Everyone just kind of shrugs it off.
Meyer and Henriksen ask for permission to test their invention out on death row inmates. Sure, why not? It’s not like Warden Hopper cares what happens to the inmates, right? Meyer discovers that one of the inmates is innocent! Unfortunately, no one cares. Gov. Fahey, who is also Meyer’s former lover, refuses to commute the sentence because he’s got an election coming up and voters love the death penalty. And so, that innocent man goes off to the electric chair.
But wait! There’s a new prisoner on death row. His name is Jesse Mowatt and he’s played by Pavan Grover, the doctor who wrote this film. It turns out that he is America’s most prolific serial killer! He’s murdered hundreds of people, all because of some weird issue he has with religion. Anyway, it’s pretty obvious that this killer has a date with the electric chair but first, Meyer gets to use her amazing-invention-that-nobody-cares-about on him. What she discovers is that this serial killer might be a demon-possessed monster who can use his mind to drive other people to do things like rip their faces off. Or maybe he’s just really clever. He does definitely have super strength and beats up any guard that comes near him. It never occurs to the guards to use handcuffs on him or anything. That’s just the type of prison that it is.
Anyway, I appreciated the film’s anti-death penalty theme but the film still got a bit too heavy-handed for my tastes. Pavan Grover wrote himself a pretty good part but he doesn’t really have the screen presence necessary to do the whole irresistible sociopath thing. Still, I appreciate any movie that features Jeff Fahey as a governor.
I had a few reasons for watching the 1972 slasher film, The Flesh and Blood Show.
First off, the film was directed by Pete Walker. Though Pete Walker may not be as well-known as some of his contemporaries and his overall cinematic output is dreadfully uneven, he was still responsible for enough memorable films that I will always give him a chance.
Secondly, it’s a British film and the British were responsible for some of the best horror films of the late 60s and early 70s.
Third, speaking as a horror fan, that title is just irresistible. The Flesh and Blood Show? Well, there’s nothing subtle about that! Looking at that title, you find yourself wondering, “How much flesh and how much blood is actually in this film?”
Well, having watched the film, I can tell you that there’s very little blood and a good deal of flesh. The Flesh and Blood Show was Walker’s first horror film. Before moving into the horror genre, Walker specialized in making sexploitation movies and it’s kind of obvious that, when he directed this film, he was still more comfortable asking people to undress than asking them to play dead. As opposed to other slasher films, the majority of the young cast survives and the almost all of the murders occur off-screen. Every couple of minutes or so, someone else is getting undressed. The constant nudity actually starts to get pretty funny after a while. One could very easily use The Flesh and Blood Show to construct a drinking game.
As for the film’s plot, it deals with a group of actors who receive invitations to an abandoned theater. An unseen producer apparently wants them all to perform an infamous play, perhaps the same play that is rumored to have led to tragedy back in 1945. If it seems rather odd that the film’s characters would willingly go to an abandoned theater in the middle of nowhere and perform a possibly cursed play, no one is ever going to accuse anyone in this film of being smart. Why ask why when there’s so much dancing and undressing to do?
There’s also an elderly major (Patrick Barr) hanging out around the theater. He was actually one of my favorite characters in the movie because he approached everything with this very British, very stiff upper lip attitude. Of course, the major himself has a secret. That said, the secret isn’t that surprising. I figured it out as soon as he showed up.
Naturally, all the murders at the theater are linked back to a tragedy in the past. The final 15 minutes of the movie are made up of an extensive flashback to that tragedy and I will say this: it’s the best part of the film. The flashback was originally filmed in 3-D and Walker uses this as an excuse to indulge in some surreal flourishes.
There are a few positive things to be said about The Flesh and Blood Show. Pete Walker was a talented director and that talent comes through in even his weaker films. There are a few scenes where Walker manages to maintain a properly ominous atmosphere and the movie’s score is so melodramatic and over the top that it’s kind of hard not to love it.
But, for the most part, The Flesh and Blood Show is a rather forgettable film. If you want to see a good Pete Walker film, track down Frightmare.
The Banana Splits Movie takes viewers behind the scenes of a children’s television show and shows us the sordid world that nobody knows about.
The stage manager is overworked. The new head of the network is a jerk. The star of the show is a drunk. The lovable Banana Splits, who play silly games and all play music instruments, are all actually robots who are looked down upon by their human coworkers. When Stevie (Richard White), the star of the show, learns that the show is being canceled, he makes the mistake of telling the robots and, before you know it, all Hell is breaking lose. People are getting stabbed to death with lollipops. Network executives are getting dismembered. One unfortunate person gets slammed in the head with a giant hammer. You gotta be careful who you piss off, folks. Robots are ruthless.
To me, the most shocking thing about The Banana Splits Movie was the discovery that it was based on an actual show. Apparently, the Banana Splits were real and they had their own show in the late 60s and early 70s. I’m going to guess that the Banana Splits were played by people in costumes as opposed to just being big robots. At least, I hope that’s the case because, after watching The Banana Splits Movie, I’m kind of over wanting anything to do with robots.
I will say this. If I imagine the characters from this movie not killing people, I can kinda understand why they would have their own TV show. I mean, they’re all really cute, except for when they’re covered in blood and brain matter. My personal favorite was Snorky, who was a big elephant and was a bit less murderous than the other three members of the Banana Splits. In fact, I have to admit that the film kind of left me feeling a little bit depressed because all of the robots are so cute that you really don’t want to see them murder people or get damaged themselves. The film actually does a pretty good job of contrasting the adorableness of the Banana Splits with the pain and carnage that they caused.
And make no doubt about it. There’s a lot of blood spilled in this movie. The Banana Splits are ruthless murderers and they don’t care how nice you are or if you paid money to see the show or if you’re just trying to make your daughter into a big star. If they see you, they’ll kill you. In fact, I have to admit that it sometimes got to be a bit too much for me. I got a little bit tired of all the violence but, at the same time, I also appreciated the film’s satiric intent. In a world gone mad, why wouldn’t the stars of a children’s TV show turn out to be a bunch of killer robots? When you think about all of the once beloved celebrities that have fallen from grace over the past 10 years, it makes an odd sort of sense.
Anyway, The Banana Splits Movie is well made splatter film with a satiric vein running through all blood and guts. It was a bit much for me but I respected it for sticking to its subversive premise and I do think it will be appreciated by a lot of other horror fans and pop culture fanatics.
I’m just hoping that the sequel features more Snorky.
As 2008’s The Children opens, all she wants to do is celebrate New Year’s with her friends. Instead, her mom and her stepfather are dragging her off to some stupid house in the middle of nowhere, where she’ll have to hang out with her aunt and her dorky uncle and she’ll also be expected to look after not only her two much younger cousins but her two half-siblings as well! Even worse, once they arrive at the house, all of the young children start to complain about feeling sick. One of them even throws up. Everyone assumes it’s just car sickness but could it be something worse?
(Of course. There’s always something worse!)
In fact, perhaps the only positive thing about the holiday is that it’s snowed! All of the snow sure does look pretty and it’s a lot of fun to play in. Once the kids get over being sick, they can’t wait to go outside and have some fun! One of the adults accompanies them. While he’s sledding, the kids use a garden rake to kill him. They even disguise it to look like an accident…
Yep, there’s definitely something going on with the children. At first, Casey is the only one who understands that the children have turned evil. (Of course, her first clue comes when they attack her in the woods.) All the adults are either in shock or denial. At first, they refuse to even consider that their children are trying to kill them. Of course, once the children lay siege to the house, the adults are in for a rude awakening…
This is actually the second film called The Children that I’ve reviewed for this site. The first one was a film from the early 80s that featured a school bus driving through a toxic cloud with the end result being a bunch of homicidal, radioactively-charged children. In the second version, it’s left a bit more ambiguous as to why the children have suddenly turned homicidal. While it’s established that that they’re suffering from a virus, the film never tells us where the virus came from or even how it was contracted in the first place. In fact, until the film’s last few minutes, the audience is never quite sure just how far the infection has spread. That ambiguity is what gives this film its power. There’s nothing scarier than not being sure what’s going on.
The Children is a grim and disturbing horror film, one the features very little humor and which ends on an ominous note. It’s a film that exploits something that we all know but rarely want to admit, which is that children can be incredibly creepy. We tend to idealize children, which is exactly what the children in this movie use to their advantage.
The Children is also a very well-acted horror film. Hannah Tointon is sympathetic in the lead role while all of the killer children are played with a proper combination of savagery and innocence. This may very well be the best killer children film ever made.
Through the Shattered Lens 