Masters of the Universe (1987, directed by Gary Goddard)


On the distant planet Eternia, the evil Skeletor (Frank Langella) has finally taken over Castle Grayskull and imprisoned the Sorceress (Christina Pickles).  When He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) and his allies Teela (Chelsea Field), Man-At-Arms (Jon Cypher), and Gwildor (Billy Barty) launch a rescue mission, they find themselves overwhelmed by Skeletor’s forces and are forced to use an interdimensional key to escape.

He-Man and his friends end up in 1980s California.  The key is lost in the process and discovered by two teenagers, one of whom is played by a pre-Friends Courteney Cox.  Skeletor sends Evil-Lyn (Meg Foster), Beast Man (Tony Carroll), and a host of other henchmen after the key.

The first (and, as of this writing, only) live action film to be based on the famous Mattel action figures, Masters of the Universe was produced by Cannon and it should have been a lot better than it actually was.  The idea of He-Man and Skeletor in modern-day California was a good one and it’s easy to imagine scenes of He-Man and Skeletor wandering around downtown Los Angeles and being as shocked by the locals as the locals are by them.  Big, blonde Dolph Lundgren seemed like the ideal pick for the role of He-Man.  Best of all, from the perspective of many, is that there was no Orko.  The most annoying member of the He-Man ensemble was left out of the film.  (Billy Barty’s Gwildor may have sometimes been annoying but he was still better than Orko.)

Unfortunately, the movie did not live up to anyone’s expectations.  Taking more inspiration for Star Wars and Conan than from any of the He-Man mythology, Cannon’s version of Masters of the Universe is a generic action movie in which He-Man is reduced to being just another forthright hero with a sword.  (He’s not Prince Adam in this movie.  He’s just He-Man.)   Teela doesn’t even wear her famous costume.  The main problem with Masters of the Universe is that so few of the Masters actually appear in the movie.  This was a Cannon/Mattel co-production but apparently, Mattel was stingy when it came to delivering their half of the budget.  There wasn’t enough money to bring He-Man’s rogue’s gallery (not to mention the majority of his allies) to life.  The means no Trap-Jaw and no Mer-Man.  Not even Ram Man makes the cut and this movie could have really used Ram Man.

Fortunately, Skeletor and Evil-Lyn are present to pick up the slack.  (When it came to the Masters of the Universe franchise as a whole, the villains were always more entertaining than the heroes.)  With the help of a surprisingly convincing makeup job that give him a skull face, Frank Langella appears to be having the time of his life as the evil Skeletor and I wasn’t surprised to recently read that this was one of Langella’s favorite roles.  Langella seems to having a blast playing such a thoroughly evil and cartoonish character and his scenes have a playful energy that the rest of the film is lacking.  Meg Foster, she of the piercing eyes, is the perfect choice for Evil-Lyn and is magnetically evil.  They provide some of the most entertaining villainy since Max von Sydow announced, “Klytus, I’m bored,” at the start of Flash Gordon.

Masters of the Universe was a critical failure when it was released in 1987, which isn’t a surprise.  A film based on a toy line and a children’s cartoon?  Maybe that would be an Oscar nominee today but, in 1987, there was no way the critics were going to go for it.  But Masters of the Universe was also a box office failure, one of many high-profile Cannon films that failed to score when it was first released.  (It did find a cult following when it was released on video.)  A proposed sequel — in which Lundgren would be replaced as He-Man by surfer Laird Hamilton — was abandoned.  The sets that had been built for Masters of the Universe 2 were instead used for Cyborg, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

A new live action Masters of the Universe film is scheduled to be released in 2026.  Jared Leto will be playing Skeletor.  That is probably all that needs to be said.

 

Happy 63rd Birthday, Jim Carrey! The ACE VENTURA (1994) montage sequence that made me a fan!


How many of you remember something specific that you did on February 9th, 1994? I do! I was sitting in a movie theater in Conway, Arkansas watching the goofy Jim Carrey comedy ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE. I already knew he was a funny guy based on his various appearances on the sketch comedy show IN LIVING COLOR. I also remember seeing him in that vampire comedy ONCE BITTEN (1985) with Lauren Hutton when I was in junior high. To be honest though, when I was watching ONCE BITTEN in the mid-80’s, I was much more interested in Lauren’s character than I was in Jim’s. On this particular day in February of 1994, I was more interested in being at the theater because I had a major crush on the girl that was there with me. I figured the movie would be pretty silly, but that’s okay because I don’t mind silly comedies when they’re done right. Admittedly, I was also curious to see if Jim Carrey could actually carry a film by himself, and if the film would be as funny as the trailers I had seen.

I had settled in and was enjoying this film, when the montage shared below appeared on-screen, accompanied by Aerosmith’s “Line Up.” At the very end of the montage, when Ace Ventura resorts to chloroform to slow down the Dolphin player on the track, I probably laughed harder in the theater than I ever had up to that point in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard since either. The stars had all aligned and for that moment, I thought Jim Carrey was the funniest person on earth. Enjoy!

3000 Miles to Graceland (2001, directed by Demian Lichtenstein)


Five thieves show up in Vegas to rob a casino.  The casino is also hosting an Elvis convention so the criminals all dress up like Elvis before trying to pull off their heist.  Since one of the criminals is played by Kurt Russell and Russell famously played Elvis in a made-for-TV movie, it’s a meta joke.  The worst of the criminals is played by Kevin Costner because, in 2001, Costner’s career was dead in the water and he was trying to reinvent himself as some sort of badass character actor.

As a result of a shootout and series of personal betrayals, Russell and Costner are the only two thieves who survive the heist.  Kurt Russell ends up taking all of the money for himself and running off with single mother Courteney Cox.  (Yes, Cox’s then-husband, David Arquette, does have a small role in the movie.)  Costner pursues them, killing anyone who he comes in contact with until it all leads to one final shoot out.

3000 Miles to Graceland is a stupid, stupid movie that was made at the time when every director was still trying to remake Reservoir Dogs and The Usual Suspects.  If you need any proof of how bad this movie is, just consider that it is one of the few Kurt Russell films to never develop a cult following.  There are people who would jump into the mouth of a volcano if Kurt Russell told them to and even they won’t watch 3000 Miles to Graceland.  Even the worst 90s crime films have at least a few people willing to defend them but 3000 Miles to Graceland has been abandoned on the ash heap of crime film history.  Despite having a once-in-a-lifetime supporting cast — Christian Slater, Bookeem Woodbine, Kevin Pollack, Jon Lovitz, Howie Long, Ice-T, and even Paul Anka — 3000 Miles to Graceland has never even received a direct-to-video sequel.

Why is 3000 Miles to Graceland so forgettable?  The heist storyline has been done to death and this film doesn’t bring anything new to the genre.  The only new wrinkle that 3000 Miles to Graceland brings to its familiar story is that the thieves are all dressed like Elvis and that gets old pretty quick.  The other problem is that Kevin Costner is miscast as the psycho villain.  Michael Madsen could have handled the role.  So could Tom Sizemore or Woody Harrelson or just about other actor out there.  But Kevin Costner, who first found fame as a sort of modern-day Gary Cooper, never seems comfortable playing a cold-hearted sociopath.  He makes up for this discomfort by trying too hard.  Comparing his performance here to his more nuanced turn as another criminal in A Perfect World shows just how miscast he was in 3000 Miles To Graceland.

Fortunately, better things were ahead for almost everyone involved in this movie.  Kevin Costner has recently returned to playing the type of roles that made him a star to begin with and Kurt Russell has become an American idol.  Fortunately, 3000 Miles to Graceland is remembered, if at all, as just an unfortunate detour in their otherwise distinguished careers.

Music Video of the Day: Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen (1984, dir. Brian De Palma)


I love and hate when I end up with a music video like this one. I love it because there isn’t a whole lot to talk about, but that’s also why I don’t like it. At least Cyndi Lauper’s She Bop let me off the hook with a simple joke. That music video really does speak for itself.

Brian De Palma shot this video over two nights in Saint Paul, Minnesota on the 28th and 29th of June 1984. The first was purely shot for the music video. The other was shot on the opening night of the Born in the U.S.A. Tour. Springsteen and the E Street Band performed it twice during the show to make sure De Palma got enough footage. De Palma shot it because he was a big fan of Springsteen. As far as I know, there isn’t anything more to that.

The other major thing is that this is the music video with Courteney Cox getting pulled up onstage to dance with Springsteen. I love how she just launches up onstage with him. It looks like they had some steps or something so that Springsteen wouldn’t be yanking her up there.

As for the music video as a whole, it’s clean, simple, and De Palma obviously knew how to capture the energy of the group. You’d think that Springsteen hadn’t quite picked up acting because he seems starstruck and having the time of his life, but I don’t think so. I have never seen him live, but you can roll back to 1981 and watch the music video for The River to see that simply isn’t true. You can even go back further to 1977’s Thunder Road and see again that it isn’t true. I think the reason Springsteen looks like that is that it was probably the first time he was doing this kind of stage performance music video. I can imagine De Palma telling Springsteen to just let all the energy out regardless of what time they were shooting, and that he would make it look good.

Of course I type of all of that, and then stumble upon something really interesting. This was not the original way the music video was going to be done. It was originally going to be directed by Jeff Stein and shot by veteran cinematographer Daniel Pearl. There was a little falling out between Pearl and Springsteen during shooting that ended up coming around full circle on the shooting of Springsteen’s Human Touch. I would link to the site that explains the whole thing, but it looks like it might have been destroyed since it was posted in 2011, and is in limbo thanks to the Google Cache. Assuming that’s the case, I have repeated it below with a link to their site that may or may not work.

Here is an example of how the music video could have looked. Hopefully the two videos are still up when you read this post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW_pPSi53dI

From the site called Golden Age of Music Video

At the end of July, a video surfaced online of the music video of Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing In The Dark”, but not the iconic version directed by Brian DePalma where Courtney Cox makes her famous appearance at the end dancing with the Boss. This one is a somewhat blurry, copy-of-a-copy duplicated-tape version with Springsteen and Clarence Clemons on a soundstage, literally dancing in the dark.

So what IS this footage, where was it shot, and why has it never been seen before? Legend told of a first version of the song shot before the DePalma version, but no consensus has ever been reached on what happened.

Now, THE GOLDEN AGE OF MUSIC VIDEO has uncovered the true story of this first attempt to shoot the “Dancing in the Dark” video, straight from the two GAMV luminaries who helmed the original shoot: director of photography Daniel Pearl and video director Jeff Stein.

An award-winning cinematographer whose career spans nearly forty years, Daniel Pearl should be heralded as the MVP of the Golden Age of Music Video. Having acted as director of photography on a multitude of legendary music videos – everything from Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” to the Police’s “Every Breath You Take” to Guns N’ Roses “November Rain” – Pearl has always given music videos and commercials their cinematic due by treating each shot with feature film-level attention. Serving as cinematographer on the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, Pearl has made all his music video projects, big budget or small, sparkle and shine in ways only the most gifted eye could.

“What happened was this,” Pearl explained about the first “Dancing” shoot. “I’d never worked with Jeff before, but Jeff is a New Yorker, and a producer named John Diaz put us together. Jeff’s idea was that ‘Dancing in the Dark’ was Bruce Springsteen in a completely dark space — black floor, black walls, black ceiling, stage as well. We’re at Kaufman Astoria Studios. Bruce Springsteen in a room in the dark. And I went, ‘Well, that isn’t really much of a concept,’ but he goes, “Oh no, it will be cool. Don’t worry about it, it’d be cool.’”

“Now for Bruce, this was the first single he’s releasing after Nebraska, which was not that big of a hit for him, so, Bruce is very nervous,” Pearl continued. “We’re all on set now and Bruce is really pumped. I mean, he’s been working out, and he has a little bit of stubble. Now, I would take a look at people when they first show up. I’ll say hello, and I take a quick look at their face to see, if I know them, if anything is changed – I’m seeing how to light them. I’m take a look at their face and where they part their hair — I mean, those all things that matter to me when I do the lighting. So anyhow, he’s got serious sideburns. Big sideburns, he’s pumped, rippling muscles in his arms, good muscle definition, he’s wearing a wife beater sleeveless shirt, sharkskin pants, and black pointy-toe shoes and basically, that’s the New Jersey, sort-of early ‘60s thing going on, right? But very manly, right? So I lit him very hard – hard edge lights for his rippling muscles, and just really chiseled him with light. He comes out and he stands there and he goes, ‘I don’t know. I think you should get like a big silk [lighting filter] out here and just put a big light through the silk, and silk over the camera, the big silk, you put a big light through it and I go, ‘That’s how we light Stevie Nicks.’ I said, ‘You’re not a p*ssy, you’re quite the opposite. You’re super manly here. I can’t light you like I would light a woman.’ And he said, ‘But that’s what I want.’ And Jeff Stein is there, and said, ‘Just try it once doing it Daniel’s way, and if you don’t like it, we’ll change it.’”

“So we shoot [a few takes], right? Then Bruce goes to the green room, and never returns. Bruce leaves. He just disappears. Doesn’t say a word to anybody, and he’s just out the door, gone. I’m like, ‘Oh, f*ck.’ I’m thinking to myself ‘Oh, my God. Am I, like, responsible for this falling apart?’ John Diaz says to me, “Don’t worry about it. It’s not on you, blah blah blah.’” But Pearl blamed himself and his comments for Springsteen’s quick departure.

Director Jeff Stein, a friend of Springsteen’s to this day, said he was brought in to direct this video, but immediately had misgivings about shooting Bruce in anything other than a concert setting. Then, when the concept of Springsteen and Clarence Clemons in an all-black background setting was established, Stein wanted to try shooting the video all in one take. Reluctant to further discuss the details of the shoot on the record with me, but acknowledging that Pearl was to blame for the walkout, Stein would only agree to be quoted as saying, “I love Bruce, and I had nothing to do with it [the video]. I usually take the blame, but not for that (laugh).”

The whole experience left Pearl somewhat scarred, resulting in him deflecting any opportunity to work with the Boss again. Pearl then started shooting various projects for commercial and music video director Meiert Avis, and soon, a Springsteen video was the next gig scheduled. Pearl said no. Three or four Springsteen videos came to Avis, and Pearl could not bring himself to say yes to any of them, still feeling guilt from the “Dancing in the Dark” experience.

“So Meiert goes to me, ‘So what am I going to do? I got a Bruce Springsteen job,’” Pearl recalls. “So I said, ‘I’m not going to shoot Springsteen. No, no, no. I told you, I don’t shoot Springsteen. No.’”

Little did Pearl realize that he was destined to cross paths with Springsteen again.

“So then a few years pass, and Meiert hired me to shoot a band called the Rituals and we’re shooting all the view on materials, it’s always like rituals like ancient African rituals, and we’re shooting in this cave and we got this moving camera. There’s lightning-strikes machine, and we’re shooting weddings and all first strange ritualistic behavior. And then when shoot material with this girl in like a ‘30s or ‘40s apartment. Well, we’re shooting the girl and there’s lightning flashing, and they told me we’re going to New Orleans, and there’s going to a street car and a spark when it goes over the joint. And so I’m playing with that in this shoot as well, and there are interior lights coming through the windows.”

“In between takes, I look, and Springsteen comes walking into the studio. So I go, ‘Oh, f*ck. What the f*ck is he doing here?’ I’m thinkin he’s probably coming out to a meeting with Meiert to talk about either what’s he going to be doing in the future, or look at some video Meiert made for him. So I just keep my eye here on the camera, thinking I’ll just stay with the camera and he’ll leave eventually. I won’t to have to deal with this guy. I’m not going to talk to him. So we’re shooting another take and as we finished the take, I get tapped on the shoulder by Springsteen, and he goes, ‘Daniel, the circle becomes complete.’ He says, ‘You were right on how you wanted to light me. I was wrong. This is my song. We’re shooting here now, and this is the only way we could get you to do it. I want to apologize because you were right.’ And that turned out to be the video for ‘Human Touch’, which I think, is a great video in a lot of ways.”