Horror On TV: The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (dir by Bruce Bilson)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh no! Halloween might be canceled because people just aren’t scared of the old monsters! Dracula (Judd Hirsch) calls all of the classic creatures to a meeting in his castle (where they all happen to be freeloading) and give them an ultimatum. Be more scary! It turns out to be easier said than done.

This originally aired in 1979 but, for people of a certain age, it achieved a certain immortality thanks to regular airings on the Disney Channel. It’s a cute show. It might seem a little bit corny today but that’s a large part of its appeal. It’s a reminder of a more innocent time.

Warren the Werewolf, by the way, was named after Warren “Werewolves of London” Zevon.

Great Moments In Television History #27: The Final Scene of Dark Shadows

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

After five years of enthralling audiences with the story of Barnabas Collins and his family, Dark Shadows came to an end on April 2nd, 1971. By this point, the show itself had tried to return to its gothic roots by setting its latest storyline in 1841. During the show’s final episodes, Jonathan Frid played not Barnabas but instead, Bramwell Collins. Unfortunately, this didn’t help the show’s once strong ratings and ABC abruptly canceled Dark Shadows in 1971.

When the show ended, it did so in typical tongue-in-cheek fashion. With Bramwell and his love, Catharine Harridge, preparing to leave Collinsport, news suddenly came that there had been a vampire attack!

Or was it?

Previous Moments In Television History:

Retro Television Reviews: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s Invitation to Hell. It can be viewed on YouTube!

There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.

Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.

That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! Of course, joining Steaming Springs requires going through a strange ceremony in which you walk into a mist-filled room. Jessica says that the room is called “the Spring” and that it contains everything that someone would need to be happy. However, one need only consider that the film is called Invitation to Hell to guess that Jessica might not be completely honest.

Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family have just moved into the suburbs. Matt’s an engineer whose job involves designing a state-of-the-art space suit. Matt is a little bit annoyed when Jessica starts pressuring him and his family to join the country club. He’s even more perturbed when his wife (Joanna Cassidy), upon returning from the mist-filled room, starts acting and dressing just like Jessica. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening, especially after his own daughter attacks him! Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!

Invitation to Hell is totally ludicrous but also a lot of fun. Robert Urich is properly stolid as the hero while the film itself is, not surprisingly, stolen by Susan Lucci. Lucci is totally and wonderfully over-the-top as Jessica, playing the role with the same cheerfully unapologetic intensity that made her a daytime television star. This is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.

Interestingly enough, this made-for-television film was directed by none other than Wes Craven! The same year that this film was broadcast, Craven directed a little film called A Nightmare on Elm Street. While Invitation to Hell might not be in the same league as that classic shocker, it’s still an enjoyably campy horror flick.

Game 2: Congratulations to the Astros!

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Dazzling Erin

I was a little worried when the Astros lost Game One of the World Series to the Phillies but last night, the Astros proved once again why they’re the best team in baseball with a 5-2 victory! The Series is now tied at 1-1 and will pick up tomorrow night with Game 3. A Halloween game? Scary!

Go Astros!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/23/22 — 10/29/22

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching horror films. I’ll have a lot to catch up on, starting on November 1st.

Here’s some thoughts on what I did watch this week:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This week’s episode was a Halloween episode and it was a true classic, with Baby Thanos releasing candy to all the children in the middle of the school day and chaos breaking out as a result. Jacob dressing up as Wage Theft for Halloween made me laugh way too much, as did the competing Scarlet Witch costumes.

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

This week’s episode was a mockumentary about Thomas Washington, a black animator who was briefly the CEO of Disney Studios when the board mixed him up with a white exceptive named Thompson Washington. Thomas Washington was obsessed with making “the blackest movie” ever. The end result was The Goofy Movie, though it’s explained that Disney’s Board of Directors interfered with Washington’s vision and cut the most powerful scenes out of the film. Thomas Washington, we’re told, died under mysterious circumstances.

I’ve never seen The Goofy Movie.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

On the first of this week’s episode, Michelle was finally punished for being a brat. She nicknamed Jesse “Uncle Tattletale.” This episode was even more cingey than usual because it featured a scene with Michelle talking to “Angel Michelle” and “Devil Michelle.” The Olsen Twins weren’t even believable as one person, let along three. This was followed by an episode in which DJ learned how to drive. As usual, her stupid family screwed everything up.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

No one went home this week! Chef Ramsay decided to spare the nominated chefs because it was a good service overall. I would have sent home Vlad but Ramsay decided to show mercy. Good for him.

Highway to Heaven (YouTube)

My friend Mark recommended an episode of this show to me after reading my review of I Was A Teenage Werewolf. I’ll write more about this episode tomorrow.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Hulu)

On Tuesday night, I rewatched the classic “The Gang Tries Desperately To Win An Award” episode. Sudz seems like a fun place.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week’s episode featured a law professor who was being blackmailed after he was filmed using a slur. After the blackmailer turned up dead, the professor was put on trial. It turned out that the professor’s 14 year-old son was the guilty party. It was kind of boring. This season has been a dud so far.

The New Wave Theater (NightFlight+)

This was an old show from the 80s, which featured live performances from various up-and-coming bands. It was hosted by Peter Ivers, who co-wrote the classic “In Heaven, Everything Is Fine” for David Lynch’s Eraserhead. I watched an episode on Saturday morning. Elvira was the co-host. The music was cool and trippy. All of the performers were off in their own little world.

Night Flight (NightFlight+)

I watched three episodes of this show on Friday. One episode was about “rock poets.” The second episode dealt with “villainous actors.” (Dennis Hopper, Henry Silva, Rutger Hauer, James Woods, and Robert De Niro were profiled.) The third episode featured Talking Heads. Good stuff!

The Real Love Boat (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I don’t know if I so much watched this show as I just sat through it because it aired in between Survivor and The Amazing Race. I didn’t pay much attention to it. The people on the boat are boring.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

You can read my thoughts on Survivor here!

Horror on TV: Halloween Is Grinch Night (dir by Gerard Baldwin)

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, we all know that the Grinch once tried to steal to Christmas and then his heart grew a few sizes but did you know that apparently, the Grinch also tried to steal Halloween?

Until a few years ago, I did not. I was going through YouTube, searching for horror films that I could share here on the Shattered Lens, and guess what I came across?

A TV special from 1977 entitled Halloween is Grinch Night!

Unlike How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night apparently never became a holiday classic. Perhaps that’s because Halloween is Grinch Night is not exactly the most heart-warming of holiday specials. Whereas How The Grinch Stole Christmas tells us about how the Grinch learned the true meaning of Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night gives us a Grinch who has no redeeming features. There is no hope for this Grinch. This Grinch will steal your soul and probably drink your blood. This Grinch is pure Grinchy evil.

This is the Grinch of our nightmares.

Check out Halloween is Grinch Night below and hope the Grinch doesn’t capture you this Halloween….

Retro Television Review: California Dreams 2.4 “Sleazy Rider” and 2.5 “The Sly Who Came To Dinner”

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

With Jenny gone and Samantha as the band’s new lead singer, it was time to once again update the opening credits of California Dreams. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a separate video for just the revised season two credits. So, imagine the video below with Jennie Kwan instead of Heidi Noelle Lenhart.

Anyway, let’s get on to the surf dude with attitude….

Episode 2.4 “Sleazy Rider”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 2nd, 1993)

Jake has spent months working on his motorcycle so that he can win the big bike race. Unfortunately, Jake has to go out of town so he leaves the bike with Matt. Because Matt is a wimp who is unable to handle even the least bit of responsibility, he is unable to keep Sly from jumping on the bike, starting the bike, running over Tony with the bike, and then crashing the bike.

While Tony recovers in the hospital, he becomes convinced that Tiffani is falling in love with him. Meanwhile, Sly tries to get everyone to forgive him for nearly killing Tony. Strangely, no one gets mad at Matt despite the fact that Matt’s only job was to keep Sly from getting on the bike.

It’s a silly episode but I’ll give the show some credit for the title. At first, I thought the title (a play on Easy Rider) was kind of a dig at Jake and I was like, “What did Jake do?” But then I realized that Sly was meant to be the sleazy rider and it all made sense.

Episode 2.5 “The Sly Who Came To Dinner”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 9th, 1993)

This episode opens with the Dreams playing at Sharkey’s and it’s our first chance to see the new line-up of Matt, Tony, Jake, Tiffany, and Sam. For once, they actually look like a real band and it’s understandable that an audience would actually pay money to see them. Of course, it helps that we only hear the end of that radio song from season 1 and then Sam’s “Hey Baby” song. As Matt would put it, those were two of their better “tunes.”

The Dreams may be hot but Sly is not. Sam says that she feels sorry for Sly as she watches him get slapped by every girl at Sharkey’s. Matt says that he feels sorry for Sly in the same way that he feels sorry for monkeys at the zoo. WHAT!? Sam dedicates a song to Sly so Sly decides that Sam is in love with him.

Meanwhile, Tiffani is getting cards and flowers from a mystery fan. Has she got a stalker!? Who cares? That’s just the B-plot. In the A-plot, Sly’s family is visiting his grandmother so Sly ends up staying at the Garrison house. Sly thinks that this will allow him to pursue Sam. Sam, however, has a big history paper due and she’s not interested. Sly offers to type up her paper but instead just steals a college term paper that Mr. Garrison is supposed to be grading. Somehow, that leads to Sam getting a D-. Apparently, the high school has very high standards when it comes to history reports.

These two episodes are mostly interesting because they’re the first ones to really take real advantage of Sly’s comedic potential and Michael Cade’s talent for physical comedy. As I watched these two episodes, I realized that the scheme-obsessed Sly basically was Zach Morris if Zach lived in the real world. On Saved By The Bell, Zach never had to deal with any consequences for his schemes. On California Dreams, Sly was constantly on the verge of losing his friends and was often running for his life. Zach ended up as governor of California. Sly probably lost all of his money in 2008. Poor Sly.

Will things look up for him next week? Probably not but we’ll see.

The Phillies Win Game One

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Dazzling Erin

Congrats to the Phillies who, last night, won Game One of the 2022 World Series! By a score of 6-5, the Phillies handed the Astos their first loss of the post-season. I’m cheering for the Astros but I am also happy that the Phillies’s amazing season will not end with them going 0-4 in the World Series.

The Phillies earned their win. And now, it’s time to GO ASTROS!

Horror on TV: Tales From The Crypt 6.15 “You, Murderer” (dir by Robert Zemeckis)

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, tonight’s episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt isn’t really a traditional horror story. Instead, it’s a somewhat satiric homage to film noir. But I’m going to share it anyway. Halloween is about more than just ghouls and ghosts and goblins, right?

You, Murderer is an experiment that doesn’t quite work but is interesting all the same. This episode is basically one long POV shot. Whenever our protagonist sees his reflection, we see Humphrey Bogart staring back at us. Actual footage of Bogart was used in the show. Sometimes it work, sometimes it just looks strange. But it’s always interesting!

This episode originally aired on January 25th, 1995. Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: One World 2.4 “The Tangled Web” and 2.5 “Playing the Field”

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

One world, one world …. but will those brothers and sisters uptown ever stop living on the streets….

One World 2.4 “The Tangled Web”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

Every TNBC show featured at least one episode about waiting in line for concert tickets. (On Saved By The Bell, it was all about getting U2 concerts at the mall.) Every TNBC show would also feature at least one or two episodes about sneaking out of the house late at night. Apparently, that was almost as big a problem in the 90s as teenage gambling. One World combined these two storylines by having Jane and Sui sneak out of the house to get concert tickets.

Meanwhile, at The Warehouse (a.k.a., Miami’s Hottest Under-21 Club), Ben wants to date the new waitress, Gina. Marci warns that Gina has just come out of a bad relationship and is very fragile. “She needs a certain type of man,” Marci says, “and that man is not you!”

“Awwwwww!’ the audience replies.

Anyway, Sui and Jane get busted by the cops for violating curfew. A social worker is sent to the house to determine whether or not the Blakes are adequate foster parents. For some reason, Sui and Jane decide that it’s a good idea to hire actors to pretend to be their parents. (You may remember Zach doing the same thing when Mr. Belding wanted to see his father.)

Meanwhile, Ben dates Gina but he tries to condition himself so that he won’t try to kiss her. He does this by having Neal and Cray administer electric shocks to him while he watches Baywatch….

Especially when compared to the first season’s episodes, it’s all a bit too cartoonish for its own good. Far too often, TNBC shows featured problems that could have easily been solved by the people on the show not acting like a bunch of idiots. This is one of those episodes. Let’s move on.

One World 2.5 “Playing the Field”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)

“No more rules for anyone!” Dave Blake announces, trying to teach his children why the house rules are important. Soon, the house descends into chaos.

Even more importantly, the coach of a rival school is sending Sui gifts in an effort to bribe her into switching schools! Isn’t that illegal? Sui also gets a new boyfriend but it turns out that it’s all a part of the plot to get her to transfer. Boooo! What an evil school.

Watching this episode, I found myself kind of wishing that I had played soccer in high school. Getting gifts from other coaches seems like it would be fun!

Anyway, this was a cool episode because it was a Sui episode but I do have to admit that I couldn’t stop cringing at the sight of that progressively messier house. We’re all living in one world. Keep it clean!